


Heart of the Forsaken

by HeadintheCloudsForever



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Adventure & Romance, Alternate Universe, Blood and Injury, F/M, Magic, Minor Injuries, Minor Violence, Romance, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:42:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 40
Words: 200,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27305062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeadintheCloudsForever/pseuds/HeadintheCloudsForever
Summary: AU. Longfic. Remus Lupin meets Auror Nymphadora Tonks while in his new appointment as DADA Professor at Hogwarts, and his relationship becomes complicated as Sirius Black's cousin searches for his former best friend in the hopes of making an arrest that will define her career, and things become complicated as the pair begins to trust one another and form a relationship. POA Era, Remadora.
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks
Comments: 30
Kudos: 26





	1. On the Train

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of Harry Potter. All characters belong to J.K. Rowling. Heart of the Forsaken
> 
> Summary: Remus Lupin meets Auror Nymphadora Tonks while in his new appointment as DADA Professor at Hogwarts, and his relationship becomes complicated as Sirius Black's cousin searches for his former best friend in the hopes of making an arrest that will define her career, and things become complicated as the pair begins to trust one another and form a relationship. POA Era, Remadora, Lupin/Tonks.
> 
> Hi all, and welcome to my first ever POA-era fic featuring Remadora. I was initially hesitant to write this considering I'm sure there are a ton of stories like this out there already, but I thought I would give it a shot. This was actually based on a prompt in Reddit that I read and liked, basically saying, "What if Remus Lupin recognized Peter Pettigrew while on the Hogwarts Express?"
> 
> So, this is my take on that and throwing in Nymphadora Tonks in here because Remadora IMHO is just the cutest couple and perfect for each other, as flawed and at times problematic as their relationship is lol. Hope that you enjoy it!

**1**

**THOUGH** Remus's eyes were open, he could not think of why. His heart was pounding, mind empty. It was as if a hypodermic of adrenaline had been emptied into his carotid, and Lupin froze.

He strained into the utter darkness of the compartment of the Hogwarts Express, his breathing rate slowly beginning to steady, though the moment his breaths turned to cold puffs of vapor in front of him, he knew.

It was _here_. Lupin felt his body stiffen instinctively. At first, the Dementor was no more than a chill in the air of the compartment of the train, a shimmer of mist, a diffuse. The air around himself and James and Lily's son was being warped and twisted, the windows coated with permafrost and ice as the creature drifted lazily through the compartment.

It wasn't until he heard the door of the compartment slide open that it congealed into a form, and Lupin's light brown pupils dilated even in the dark as he bolted upright, immediately fumbling for his wand. Dementors were among the foulest of creatures to exist on Merlin's green earth. They snatched away your soul the moment the Dementors gave you the Kiss, feeding on every good feeling, every happy memory. They trapped your soul, these wretched, miserable entities.

They _owned_ you, brought you knowing but a pain if you were ever unfortunate enough to be in the presence of even just one Dementor. Lupin bolted to his feet, wand at the ready.

In that frozen second before the casting of the Patronus Charm, his eyes flicked from the boy struggling against the Dementor's attack on him to the foul creature that was no doubt conducting an unauthorized search on the train for his old friend Sirius Black.

At the thought of his former friend, he stiffened, and it was the sweet thought of revenge against Lily and James' murderer that caused the brilliant beam of white light as his non-corporeal Patronus burst from the tip of his wand, which eliciting an ungodly shriek from the Dementor that caused the fine hairs on the back of Lupin's neck to stand up, before the sheer force, the power of the spell sent the creature away for now. Remus could hear Sirius's voice even though he had not seen the man in many years now.

He could remember the stupid things Padfoot used to say in jest, all those stupid catchphrases. What did they even _mean_ anyway?

In many ways, Sirius Black had been like a brother to Remus when he had none, and now… he was nothing but then a slither of _worthlessness_. Remus had _trusted_ Sirius. He had cared for the man, and what hides behind the lies are truths that failed to get to the light. He had thought of the man like a blood-brother to him, and he'd sold them out.

What lay behind Sirius's betrayal the night he had sold James and Lily out to Lord Voldemort, and he had murdered poor Peter Pettigrew, may have been an honesty upon his first sight that he had simply failed to overlook that Remus had been wrong about Sirius. What concealed Lupin's pain was what kept reminding him of Sirius every night.

He was confused, but he believed everything would come to the light when the time was right, and that he was there to see it. Remus blinked, giving his head a curt shake to clear his mind of his dark swirling vortex of thoughts as he broke slabs off of the chocolate bar he kept in his briefcase, one of only two things that settled his stomach after his transformations three nights a month without fail.

He silently passed out the bits of chocolate to Harry Potter and his eyes, Remus's gaze locked on the boy's eyes.

_Lily's eyes_ , he thought. Remus watched as young Harry Potter stiffened and actively averted the older man's piercing gaze. Recognizing he was making the boy uncomfortable; he heaved a heavy sigh and rose to his feet with a tired groan.

"I haven't _poisoned_ that chocolate, you know. _Eat_. You'll feel better once you do, I promise you," he murmured quietly, though the edges of his mouth tugged upwards in a soft smile, and he grimaced, feeling as the skin at the edge of his lips was pulled taut, and Remus flinched as the three teenagers flinched at his unsettling appearance. He turned away, knowing what they had seen just now.

To say he was not exactly a handsome man was an understatement, thanks to his scars, though if you looked closely enough, the shadow of the handsome man that Remus John Lupin was could be seen underneath the horrific scars that mauled his poor face.

If there was one thing about Remus that was not touched by his hideousness, permanent reminders of his lycanthropy, it was his eyes. They were distinctive and expressive, a rich light brown hue. Lupin's eyes were bewitching; it was as if their roasted-coffee-bean rim had diffused into a cream-hued iris - mixing until it was the color of sun-dried beech wood. The man's eyes were clever, sincere, and gentle. Not the eyes of a monster, a wolf, though there was no denying that was what he was, and his greatest fear was that his wretched secret would be a secret no more, that someone would one day find out that wasn't supposed to. Remus stiffened and let out a tired sigh, turning away and catching sight of his reflection in the glass window.

He froze, a muscle in his jaw twitching and behind his eyelid. He didn't _want_ to look, already knowing what he would see the moment he lifted his eyes, and yet, unable to look away. Remus could not help but reel back at the sight of his own reflection staring back at him, his eyes growing glossy as he was once reminded of the horror of the nature of his 'furry little problem,' as James was often fond of calling it growing up.

Three long jagged scars snaked down diagonally on his face, starting at just above his browbone and working its way down until it reached the corner of his lip, which tugged it down slightly in a minor grimace. They were unusual looking scars, an odd mixture of bright white and light pink.

Grotesque looking upon first glance, and Remus watched out of the corner of his eyes as the only girl in the compartment with Harry Potter and one of the Weasley boys visibly flinched as she shirked away, hoping that she did not look to the man as though she were recoiling in fear or disgust, though the shockingness of the scars was not enough to hide the simple fact that the man was, in her mind, not exactly what she would describe as 'handsome.'

He _knew_ what he was. Definitely not handsome, but rugged. Remus John Lupin stood an inch or two shy of 6'3, though the man's tallness was not what people first paid attention to, unfortunately, but that of the horrific-looking scars on the man's face.

The skin around Lupin's scars was also slightly discolored, suggesting that it did not heal properly. Lupin slowly unclenched one of his fists curled tightly into a fist at his side and lightly brushed it down the scars on his face, tracing the jagged line slowly with the tips of his fingers, carding his fingers through his thick light brown hair, which had needed a trim weeks ago and was now just brushing his collarbones as a result.

Sensing they were afraid of him, his monstrous, wolfish appearance, haggard though he knew himself to be and posed no threat, he did not want them looking at his face while they ate. He let out a haggard sigh and turned his back, sliding open the compartment door and picking off a chunk of ice with his thumb and forefinger, the last remnants of the Dementor's unprovoked attack.

Remus turned and had been about to walk down the aisle to have a little word with the driver of the train and check on him when a noise, a light, chittering squeak, caused his ears to perk up at the noise.

As always, coming down off the first few days of a post-transformation, his wolfish senses of smell, hearing, and sight were enhanced. Almost sanguinely, with a hand on the door to steady himself, Remus slowly swiveled his head back towards the interior of the compartment, biting the wall of his cheek in nervous trepidation.

The tattered brown rat peeked out from underneath the Weasley boy's fingers, the creature's inquisitive eyes checking its surroundings for immediately visible dangers following the aftermath of the Dementor's attack on the Hogwarts Express train. The moment the rat laid eyes on Remus John Lupin, who had been in the midst of breaking up enormous slabs of chocolate for Harry Potter and his friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, he froze, thinking immediately that he recognized it.

_Missing a toe…Surely, not. It can't be. Pettigrew is dead. Sirius killed him._

The rat quivered in the hands of the ginger-haired Weasley boy. His dull brown fur looked matted and tangled with congealed blood, as though the creature had bitten off clumps of fur with its own teeth. Though the rat's liquid black eyes were alert and his whiskers twitched, and Remus swore he caught sight of the creature's nostrils flaring as it set its beady gaze on Remus and let out a high pitched squeak and immediately began wriggling in the young boy's arms.

Lupin furrowed his brows into a frown, wincing at the skin near his scars pulled tightly, hurting still even after all these years. He glared suspiciously at the rat, hoping the Potter boy and his friends did not notice, though they were too engrossed in their conversation to notice.

Sharp, alert eyes, twitching nose, sensitive whiskers, tiny paws like hands, pink scrawny tail.

_Like a worm. Wormtail_ , Remus thought as he continued his initial assessment of the boy's pet rat, thinking it looked haggard, ignoring the swooping, churning sensation in the pit of his stomach. Wormtail.

That was what they called Peter in his Animagus form and on the Marauder's Map. His heartstrings gave a painful tug.

Lupin let out a tired sigh, finally forcing himself to tear his gaze away from that rat that had strangely managed to capture his attention the moment he caught the girl's brown eyes staring at him, and he flinched, recognizing he had been caught rudely staring.

He ground his teeth and dug them on the wall of his mouth as he strode up the corridor towards the front main compartment, intent on speaking to the driver as the train had yet to move, though he froze.

Someone had already spoken to the man, or was in the midst of finishing up a conversation with the Hogwarts Express conductor by the time Remus reached the front and slid open the main door loudly.

Remus did not know exactly what he had been expecting when he had reached the front of the train, though for a young witch to be in deep conversation with the conductor was…not exactly it. He froze.

The moment the young woman lifted her head, he gave a sudden start. A lifetime of experiences had taught him to be initially wary of other individuals, considering how when most learned the truth of his condition, they could barely stand to be in the same room as him.

_Much less look me in the eye or attempt to hold a conversation with me_ , he thought bitterly, grinding his teeth in nervous anticipation.

Their gazes locked and Remus swallowed, unable to tamper down the lump that had begun to form in his throat as it hollowed and constricted. Now would definitely be a good time to leave them alone.

Unfortunately, his impromptu arrival into the compartment did _not_ go unnoticed as both the young witch and the conductor of the Hogwarts Express immediately swiveled their heads over their shoulders, no doubt searching for the source of the new disturbance.

_Damn_ , Lupin thought miserably to himself. _She's quite pretty_.

And the young witch was. Of that, there was no denying it. The second the woman lifted her head and dared to meet his eyes with hers, it felt as though Lupin's entire world had slowed, coming to a standstill.

Perfect dark maroon-colored hair that cascaded in natural ringlets and waves to just past her shoulders, the witch's thick hair cut in gentle layers that framed a pale, heart-shaped face, and light gray eyes that could swallow entire galaxies, glistening bright like the suits of armor that decorated and guarded the Great Hall up at Hogwarts.

Her pale skin looked so incredibly fragile yet so soft, and the unerring amount of a light smattering of freckles on the bridge of her slender nose. The young witch's figure was captivating and eye-catching, even when covered by her thick black woolen traveling cloak.

She could not have been older than twenty-two or three, he guessed, if Remus had to pinpoint the witch's age, and he prayed that he wouldn't ask out of an insatiable sense of curiosity, hoping he didn't have to.

The young witch was a rather sweet sight. In the crisp cool air, the remnants of the aftermath of the Dementor's unprovoked attack, Lupin could feel the woman's warmth pulsate, like a ray of sunshine.

Lupin blanched, turning his head away to escape the young woman's gaze, but even that proved futile as she continued staring.

"Excuse me. Forgive me, I did not mean to interrupt. I merely came to check on the driver to see how he was faring, but I can see now, you have things well under control," he murmured through gritted teeth, and even just forcing himself to utter the words proved to be a great task right now. "I'll just...go."

Though before he could turn on the heel of his shoe and quit this awkward scene immediately, her voice caused him to halt in his movements.

"How are you feeling, Professor?" the young woman asked pointedly, not missing a beat, taking a second to stow her wand in an interior pocket of her robes and fixing Lupin with a rather pointed stare. "Are you feeling sick? Is it gone?" she said.

By 'it', Remus took that to assume this woman was talking about the Dementor. "Yes. Yes, it's gone," he heard himself answer in a rough, coarse voice that did not quite sound like himself, though he thought it an odd question.

No one had ever inquired after his health before until now.

On the contrary, once most people learned of the true nature of his condition, they often expressed the desire that he go fling himself from the top of Hogwarts' rooftop or drown himself in the Black Lake.

Lupin watched as the woman furrowed her brows in hesitation as she turned back towards the driver of the Hogwarts Express, a hand on his shoulder and gave it a light, reassuring squeeze, that for an inexplicable moment, caused a fiery heat to spread through his chest. It was not particularly a feeling that he _liked_ either, and he swore he heard the Wolf within himself let out the tiniest of growls.

If the witch noticed, she ignored it, for which he was immensely grateful. The last thing Remus wanted was to have to explain himself.

Remus felt the young witch shy in hesitation, playing with her pinkish-tipped fingers to keep them warm, eyeing him with an unidentifiable look that after a moment, he perceived as venomous.

Lupin felt himself stiffen, though the tension in his shoulders immediately left as he heard the young witch emanate a tense exhale as she coked her head to the side.

"Good," she sighed, after a moment, sounding tired as the young witch pinched the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger. "I am afraid it will not be enough, however." She slowly lifted her chin to meet Remus's gaze and looked warily at Remus's distraught face before speaking again. The young woman inclined her head and folded her fingers in front of her middle. "It will take more than just a couple of Dementors to stop Sirius Black, Professor. The man was the first to break out of Azkaban Prison, and the fortress is surrounded by Dementors. I hardly think a handful will stop him, Professor," she murmured lowly under her breath as the train gave a sudden jolt as the conductor carried on after a moment. They were already delayed in getting to this year's Sorting as it was already.

Remus, who had been about to turn away and do a walkthrough of the other compartments and check on the students there, stiffened. He paused and slowly turned at the waist to regard the young witch.

There was something about the young woman's voice that made him listen.

There was something quiet, reserved, strong, determined, and unfazed about the witch's tone that Lupin was quick to decide he liked. He closed his eyes momentarily before looking up at the witch.

But Merlin's Beard, but she really _was_ pretty. That rich-colored luscious wavy hair. Light gray eyes like the sea after a storm. This new she-stranger's eyes reminded Lupin of ashes and smoke blowing in the wind coming from a fire that burned everything to the ground. They were intense, coming from that fire that burned deep within her soul.

Remus paused before looking at the spirited young witch.

No, it was more than that. This woman was beautiful, yes, but in a subtle way. In the sort of way where if you happened to be observant, such as he was, one would look twice and see a strong spirit, as Lupin did.

"You're an Auror?" he asked, confirming his suspicions as he looked at the emblem of the black **M** with the image of a wand pointing upright from the middle of the letter itself as a spell was cast, in the corner of her black woolen robes. "You're here to defend the school?"

The young witch narrowed her eyes as she noticed Remus Lupin staring at her in a melancholic manner that she wasn't sure what to make of, and he inwardly cursed himself, running his tongue along the top wall of his teeth before turning away, mentally slapping himself for overstepping his boundaries and making an assumption of her career.

But Merlin's Beard, he didn't even _know_ this young woman!

When at last she spoke, her tone was guarded, and her brows quirked in his direction, as though trying to determine if she could trust him. She must have decided that she could, after all, for she relented and slumped her shoulders. "Yes. I only recently graduated from the training program. I am here on behalf of Professor Dumbledore, Professor Lupin. To find Black and bring him to justice, sir."

His heart sank to the pit of his stomach like a coil in his gut twisted and churned, and he stared at the bright young witch in disbelief, hardly daring to believe his ears, thinking that perhaps his heightened wolfish hearing had misled him, playing a sport of his mind.

Though the fact that this stranger had mentioned his name suggested she knew who he was, and he found himself at a disadvantage for not knowing hers. "You know my name. How is that?"

The question tumbled unchecked from his lips before he could stop himself, and Remus was quick to decide that he no longer cared.

He found that he wanted to deflect the nature of their conversation from the topic of his old school friend as quickly as possible, and Lupin halted in his movements as the young witch stopped, turning to look in Remus's direction rather sarcastically, a dark looking crossing over her pale features, which oddly enough, reminded him of the way Lily used to get when scolding poor James.

"Of course, I know you. I know _exactly_ who you are, Remus Lupin," said the young witch in an exasperated tone with an equally tired look on her face to match as she folded her arms across her chest and seemed to shrink into her black woolen robes for warmth as much as possible. "The only other adult on board this train at this current time besides the conductor, myself, and the old witch who pushes the snack trolly, Professor, is _you_. And…"

Here, she paused, and Lupin was left with a numbing sensation in his chest and on his face as she cast a curious look towards the brown leather briefcase clutched in his hands. "It's inscribed on your suitcase, in case you forgot," she joked, though her expression immediately became more somber as her smile slid off her face like she had been doused in Stinksap. "And the Headmaster may have told me your name prior to my appointment. You should be honored. Defense Against the Dark Arts is a highly sought after position by some," she teased, and Remus did not even have to ask to know the witch was referring to Professor Severus Snape.

He silently seethed. Just the thought of encountering Severus again was enough to plaster a quiet vibration underneath his skin and make it crawl as a cold chill wafted down his spine. He was grateful he wore a thick sweater under his cloak.

The young woman inclined her head, and when she lifted her gaze, her soft pink lips stretched into a smile but did not quite meet her gray eyes. They were lit with a sense of sadness, just a tinge of melancholia, and the forced expression of the contrary of the pretty Auror's mouth would have probably looked comical to Lupin if it didn't make his heart feel heavy.

"You'll be stationed at Hogwarts?" Lupin asked incredulously.

For a few moments, Remus stared at her, almost sure her expression mirrored his. It broke his heart. Suddenly, as the young witch nodded silently and turned away, he found he did not want her to leave. Lupin did not want to turn into a random image that floated in the pool of her memory. He did not want to be the smile that squeezed her chest into a painful spasm somewhere far away.

Lupin did not want this young woman, stranger though she was to leave. He wanted her sweet smile to stay, and he blinked as she finally answered him in a voice softer than silk.

"Yes. Well. Given that the train just stopped," Here, the witch with the maroon colored locks paused to look out the window, drawing in a breath as she saw Hogwarts in the distance. "I take that to mean we've finally arrived. I don't want to keep you from the feast, you are surely starving by this point." She paused, assessing his pale, peaky form, though she offered no comment on it, "and I am afraid I cannot stay, were that I could, I would, but I can't," the young woman murmured darkly under her breath, almost sounding apologetic as she turned to the side, allowing Lupin to get a good long look at her side profile. "I have to join the other Aurors stationed here and give the Headmaster an update on the Dementor that thought it was a good idea to halt the train tonight and try to attack one of the school's students, though if I know that man, Albus already knows what has happened and is dealing with it in his own way," she sighed tiredly. "I'm sure I'll see you in the hallways. Good luck. You're going to need it. It was a pleasure. Professor Lupin," she murmured by way of response, not looking at him.

The young woman turned her back on Remus, though not before inclining her head as a show of utmost respect to Hogwarts' newest Defense Against the Dark Professor and offering a light smile.

Remus watched the young woman depart, her silhouette fading as she almost seemed to glide down the corridor like one of the Dementors, unaware that his face held a dumbfounded expression.

This young witch held a conversation with him for more than five minutes. This beautiful, compassionate witch had dared to look upon him as though he were normal, like everyone else, of course, he knew that he was not. A warm feeling rested in the pit of his stomach. A hesitant smile played on his prematurely lined features and his heart hammered in his scarred chest, and Lupin was afraid that even as the young witch walked away from him that she could hear it.

No matter how long he had gazed at her, Remus had been unable to find a single hint of distaste or fear in her pale gray orbs.

His mind felt like it was reeling. He really needed a moment.

Though as he turned back around on the heel of his shoe, his fingers curling tightly over the handle of his briefcase, his mind already drifting to thoughts of the bright young witch and Auror, wondering if he would see the mysterious beauty again, as she had hinted he might.

And then a thought hit him, one that plagued Remus John Lupin for the remainder of the evening, even throughout the start of term feast, and he was so preoccupied with this one thought and this one thought _alone_ , that he missed the Sorting ceremony completely.

This bright young witch who had smiled at him and talked with him on the train...

He did not even know her name.


	2. In Dumbledore's Office

**2**

**THE** prisoner had thought he had seen darkness before, the kind that makes the streets of London look like an old-fashioned Muggle photograph where the pictures don't move, everything a shade of grey. This, however, was not like that.

This was the darkness that robbed you of your best sense and replaced it with a paralyzing fear.

The sky above his head plunged into ominous darkness here in the Forbidden Forest, these cursed woods that even in the light of day, seemed a place of eternal nighttime, a dark abyss of blackness.

He jumped as a distant bloodcurdling howl that sounded familiar made the hairs on the back of his neck stand upright. He froze.

_Is it him…? Surely, not._

He watched anxiously as the Forest slowly transformed into a lethal playground. Tree branches stretched out in front of the figure, forming a cavern of distorted limbs that seemed to reach out and grab onto his flesh.

A vile pain spread through the escaped convict's chest like a deadly infection and his lungs beseeched him to stop walking.

His knees felt like rubber after running for hours, and now, he couldn't help but gulp selfish breaths of air.

Helpless, the man walked on, his feet dragging noisily on the carpet of lifeless leaves, each step triggering a rush of pain throughout his chest and his spine.

In spite of his feeble physical condition, the man's cracked and bleeding lips curled into a twisted smile that more closely resembled that of a grotesquerie, considering how sunken-in his cheekbones were, as the realization that he had finally escaped the prison hit the man square in the chest, as though he had been hit by a solid Knockback Jinx.

The escaped prisoner of Azkaban, first of his kind to do so, felt smug at his little victory.

He had really made it.

He was _free_ from the filthy clutches of the Azkaban Prison Guards and the damn Dementors. Those skeletal creatures were ruthless and merciless, and just the thought of them caused his skin to crawl and a tremor of fear to go up and down his spine. He had been more than lucky to escape them.

In this darkness, the prisoner sat crouched, though not as himself, as the dog he knew himself to be for the last few weeks of his escape, and desperate not to lose what little shred of sanity he still possessed, clinging to it as the man focused on thoughts of vengeance.

As Padfoot, his muscles cramped, and the dog couldn't move. He only knew his eyes were still there because the beast could feel himself blink, still instinctively moisturizing the organs he had no current use for, not even in a wretched, miserable place like the Forbidden Forest.

He couldn't hear anything either, though that did not stop the dog's sharp, pointed ears from perking up at several noises.

Padfoot supposed that should bring his heart rate down below the level of 'rabbit caught in a snare' but it didn't.

By his genes, both as a human and now, trapped in his Animagus form to maintain secrecy, he was a predator.

He had the front-facing eyes and brains enough to hunt down the _rat_ , that witless _worm_ , but he felt like prey in the dark.

The dawn was many hours away and until that precious time, the only thing Padfoot could do was wait.

Moving made noise, and it was bad enough the dog still had to breathe.

But he wanted to see tomorrow enough to make him hold this position as long as it took. Not making it meant not being there for _them_ and that was something he, even in this Animagus form, would never willingly do.

The need for revenge against the rat was, well… like a rat gnawing at his soul, relentless, unceasing, it could only be stopped by the cold steel of a rat trap, a trap he would devise himself, for what better way to catch a rat?

His need for revenge was like an abscess on the skin of the soul that could only be cured by the cruel sharp steel point of revenge. Festering like a septic wound, and the only effective antibiotic is cold hard revenge. Savage. Spiteful. A dish best served cold. Unforgiving.

The prisoner knew he would bear a grudge until he died or took revenge, whichever came first. Settling old scores. Brutal. Callous. Satisfying. Empty. Pointless. Excessive. Mean spirited. It appealed to his twisted and dark sense of humor.

As he sat, his tail occasionally twitching at the slightest rustle of the leaves in the cool September wind, as he stared into the forest, he saw _him_.

The _rat_.

Padfoot growled, feeling the edges of his lips curling upwards in a twisted sneer, the low, dog-like growl that emitted from his chest in an Animagus form sounded truly terrifying, his chest vibrating from the noise as the dog snarled.

He could feel the rat, recalling how the _worm_ torched his insides until they charred before disappearing with the knowledge that it was _he_ , _not_ him, who had betrayed the Potters. _He_ was the one who had caused the attack that had killed over a dozen Muggles and left _him_ to the judgment and inquest.

The escaped prisoner of Azkaban knew as he growled and snarled as twisted thoughts of dark malice and revenge on the one who had ruined not only his life, but that of his friends' as well, and his godson, and countless others, too many to count, flitted through the tormented prisoner's mind, and he knew he would relish the moment when he would send the last and worst of the Unforgiveable Curses, the Killing Curse, straight to the rat's chest, hoping that the moment that flash of green hit him, that the rat, that wretched miserable Wormtail, that he earned it.

More than that, he would have paid for it in full, and oh, how _sweet_ that time would be when it came.

But for now, he waited….

* * *

Tonks drew in a sharp breath of cool air that pained her lungs as she raised her white-boned knuckles to knock on the door, though not before glancing down at her black woolen robes and attempting to straighten the creases and patting at her hair, hoping she looked presentable enough.

"Enter," came Professor Dumbledore's quiet and reserved tone, and Tonks emanated a tense exhale through her nose, noticing that, for reasons unknown to her, she was beginning to feel nervous, something she had not yet anticipated, and when she glanced down at her hands, they had become clammy and were shaking.

Badly.

The young witch and Auror had barely been able to concentrate on the feast and merely proceeded to pick at her food when Auror Shacklebolt brought her over a fully loaded plate, not even able to sample the bit of the custard tart that Kingsley swore was like nothing else on this earth in existence.

And though it appeared that, as usual, the house-elves in the kitchens had outdone themselves once again, she was not hungry, knowing this visit with Professor Dumbledore would come sooner rather than later, though, on the walk up to the Headmaster's Tower where Dumbledore's office was located, she could not stop thinking about the new Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor that she had encountered on the Hogwarts train.

Even just _thinking_ about Professor Remus Lupin as she was doing now as she walked up the Grand Staircase caused her heart to thrum erratically against the confines of her chest, so much so that she was afraid the corded muscle would grow wings and attempt to escape if she couldn't find a way to calm it.

What had _happened_ tonight? She wasn't even sure she could explain it to the Hogwarts Headmaster even if she tried to.

She let out a sigh. Tonks paused on the topmost step and shakily knit her fingers together as she tried to calm down by forcing herself to inhale deep, shaking breaths.

A Dementor had conducted an unauthorized search on the Hogwarts Express, having taken no orders from anyone, particularly, least of all the Headmaster, who, it was no secret amongst the rest of the staff in the castle and among the other Aurors in her department, that Dumbledore was not happy about the presence of the Azkaban guards on his precious school grounds.

Tonks bit down on her inner cheek as an uncomfortable pit began to swoop and churn in her stomach, sending a wave of sudden nausea throughout her entire body that was unwelcome.

Tonks had not anticipated that she would meet another adult while on the Hogwarts Express.

She had ridden up at the front with the conductor and chatted animatedly with the man to keep him company, and she was more than surprised when the new Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor had stumbled into the compartment following the Dementor's search of the train for—

_No_. Tonks gritted her teeth and shook her head wildly to clear her mind, a lock of her hair tumbling in front of her face as she did so. She could _not_ think of her cousin.

She _would_ not!

As Tonks thought of her cousin, this mass murderer, Sirius Black, the cunning, conniving snake that she knew him to be, of her cousin's betrayal, her lips curled, and her nostrils flared.

Tonks was not about to even _entertain_ the idea of daring to call the first man to escape from Azkaban Prison her cousin. Her mind felt as if lead were coursing through it instead of blood.

Tonks' fleeting memories of her older cousin, she had only met him maybe twice throughout her life when she was a little girl now felt as if they were tarred, disfigured into something truly grotesque.

Tonks knew the moment she would capture Sirius Black, she wondered if she would even be able to keep her gaze trained on him, or if she would be unable to bear to look his way for fear she might vomit all over the convict.

Disgust. Total _disgust_ is what she felt for Sirius Black. _Not my cousin_ , Tonks thought angrily, forcing herself to think of other things. She gritted her teeth in annoyance, wiped at the edge of her eye with the sleeve of her overly long black robe, and sniffed.

There was no point in lingering in what the man could have been, had the man's life circumstances not been so…dire.

A man who had murdered over a dozen Muggles in broad daylight with no regard for the Statute of Secrecy, let alone caring for the innocent lives he had claimed was no cousin of hers. She had to wax and seal that idea off in her mind _right blood_ y now, or else she would fail in her mission to put Black back behind bars where she knew the man rightfully belonged.

Tonks moved on, slow and sure, up the stairs of the Grand Staircase, wanting to move away from the nauseating stares the male Hogwarts students were pinning on her, all distasteful.

_Boys_ , the lot of them, much younger than her, a fact was enough to make her insides curdle like sour milk with lemon.

Her insides revolted, her mind floating back instead to that moment on the train when Remus Lupin had walked in.

Tonks let out a sigh and furrowed her brows. She had been able to feel the thick tension between the two of them in the compartment, with the conductor attempting to disregard it. And Tonks was quick to decide that she did not like it.

The man's eyes, a glistening dark brown color, had been masked with a soft smile and yet, something dark festered within Lupin.

She had _sworn_ she had seen a tightening of the man's strong jawline when he had turned around to look at her before meeting her gaze.

Was he nervous? Shy? Timid?

It was hard to tell. Either way, Tonks hadn't the time to ponder it as she had finally reached the grotesque gargoyle statue.

"Lemon drops."

Tonks supposed she should consider herself lucky Professor McGonagall had stopped her on her way out from the feast and had thought to give her the password to the man's office, otherwise she would have been left waiting a _long_ time.

The statue started to rise, and Tonks was quick to step onto the platform, still feeling like her consciousness was faltering as her thoughts continued to drift to Professor Lupin.

He could not have been older than thirty-four or five, or more. His face wasn't exactly handsome, Tonks observed, but even underneath his tattered robes and general shabby attire, Tonks could tell he had the build of a man she once imagined to embrace, back when she was a stupid girl with stupid dreams about finding a man who'd actually give a damn about her and would love her for who she was, not what she was.

She cursed her Metamorphmagus abilities. The moment someone new found out about her powers, they almost _always_ wanted her to change her physical appearance either to suit their own selfish needs or for entertainment.

She blinked, startled, and angered at this revelation, though this was simply the way their world worked for someone like her with her natural-born abilities, like it or not.

Tonks sighed.

Tonks once again, for the third time in a single night, found her mind drifting to thoughts of the simple bloke she had met on the train.

The man's light brown eyes were like slabs of the finest milk chocolate, and his initial furtive look towards her had been somewhat suspicious as if trying to keep her away.

Like a fire trying to be extinguished, but hardly, though why the man was looking at her so strangely back on the train, Tonks couldn't begin to comprehend the man's reasoning for it.

At first, Tonks thought Professor R.J. Lupin to be somewhat of a plain chap, this man.

He _seemed_ innocent and gentle, at least in their initial encounter, though Tonks knew she could not afford to be fooled again a second time in her life with a parallelism of gold to virtue. She shivered, but not from the cold.

The man had gotten a look in his eyes just as she had made to turn away, that was almost…predatory. _Wolfish_ , even.

_Remus Lupin. Remus John Lupin_ ….

Given the way he had looked at her, the very thought of the man's name irked her, eliciting a tremor to go down her spine. Tonks firmly believed that she had done nothing to warrant being looked in _that_ way.

She thought she had been nothing but cordial and courteous to the man, considering Tonks barely knew Remus.

_PROFESSOR Lupin, not Remus. Besides, you didn't even tell the man YOUR name, Tonks_ , her conscience corrected herself, unwanted at this moment.

Tonks let out a sigh of aggravation. Tonks froze the second the gargoyle statue halted, though she made no immediate move to step off and enter Albus's office. This was true.

She hadn't told the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor her name. Tonks frowned.

Why _hadn't_ she?

_Because…I was afraid of the way he looked at me_ , she answered to herself bitterly.

She stifled a low growl of frustration and shrugged the sleeves of her robes over her hands to hide the tremors from the Hogwarts Headmaster as she gingerly stepped off the gargoyle statue platform.

Tonks could not recollect if she had ever entered into Albus Dumbledore's office until this moment, and as such, was not quite prepared for the grandiose spectacle of the eccentric wizard's office.

A large oak writing desk stood in the middle, behind an archway of stairs that formed a bridge of sorts to an impressive-looking bookshelf that for a brief moment made Nymphadora Tonks feel a little bit envious.

Reading, something she loved to partake in and yet, had so little time for these days, especially now that Tonks had been stationed here.

Tonks waited with bated breath to be summoned closer to the Hogwarts Headmaster's desk, behind which, sat the old wizard himself.

Albus Dumbledore was currently in the midst of staring down at what appeared to be several long lists of old parchment paper.

As to the contents of these letters and what they contained, Tonks didn't know, nor did she particularly care to know, given they seemed tedious.

Hearing the gargoyle statue slide back into its place, just as Tonks slowly turned at the waist to look at it, Albus lifted his gaze and peered at the young Auror over the rim of his half-moon silver spectacles, his cobalt blue eyes twinkling with just a hint of mischief.

"Ah, Miss Tonks," Albus offered brightly by way of greeting. "I was not aware that you were one of the Aurors Alastor assigned to us. This is, I must confess, a surprise. Your accommodations here in the castle, they are to your liking, I trust and hope?" Albus asked.

"Yes, Headmaster," Tonks murmured with a slight incline of her head as she kept her fingers folded together in front of her middle, allowing a curl of her hair to tumble in front of her face, effectively shielding the Hogwarts Headmaster from her line of sight. "I think—"

Though before she could get a word in edgewise to speak, she was halted by Professor Dumbledore holding up a lined, withered hand, a gesture that would have normally resulted in the interrupter being on the receiving end of a particularly well-aimed Bat Bogey Hex, though because it was the Hogwarts Headmaster, Tonks chose to let the rudeness go.

"No need to speak of the matter, Nymphadora. If you have come to refer to me of the incident on the train, rest assured, I know of it." The man proceeded to regard the young witch in a moment of silence as he peered at her over the rim of his glasses.

_Of course, you do_ , Tonks thought darkly, biting the inside wall of her cheek.

She supposed she ought to have expected just as much from an eccentric genius like Dumbledore.

"What are your opinions of the attack, Headmaster?" Tonks managed to ask, feeling her body nervously start to fidget as beads of sweat started to form on her browbone and drip down her temple.

Suddenly, she began to feel like she had made a mistake in dropping by the old Headmaster's office tonight.

Her stomach tightened at the thought of the Dementors yet again acting of their own volition and the next time, taking it a step further and daring to enter the school grounds during the term.

The Headmaster must have been able to sense her thoughts, the natural Legilimens that Tonks knew Albus to be, for she heard the old man sigh heavily as he intertwined his fingers together.

With just a single look, Tonks knew the verdict was told. Albus Dumbledore had been reflecting longer than usual, past the point at which he would always come at you with a quip or a well-timed joke.

Tonks's face fell as Albus met her gaze.

This was the ones he reserved for the people in his life (people like Lucius Malfoy or Cornelius Fudge) that he did not particularly like but was far too polite to ever admit it to anyone. A hateful disdain.

But Tonks knew it was more than that.

There was a tenseness the Hogwarts Headmaster wasn't even trying to mask. Tonks stiffened and backed away from his desk.

He must have sensed her skittishness and overall nervous demeanor, for Albus carefully studied her a moment over the rims of his glasses before pushing them back on the bridge of his nose and gesturing towards the empty chair in front of his desk.

"Please. Do not leave quite yet, Miss Tonks. Have a seat. I called you here to my office to have a conversation with you, my dear young lady."

Tonks bit the wall of her cheek, suddenly wanting nothing more than to leave, but there was a hint of steel in the Headmaster's slightly warbling, but quiet, reserved tone that told the young witch and Auror she should listen, and as she did, Albus Dumbledore's bright blue eyes behind his lenses proceeded to study her intently, as though Tonks were little more than a fascinating specimen he had caught and wasn't quite sure what to do with her, and his gaze settled on her hair.

"Hmm," he remarked in a low tone, seeming to be speaking more to himself than to Tonks at this current moment in time. "Not outstanding, perhaps, but I think you'll do. A redhead perhaps would have been better, but this will do. Oh, yes, Miss Tonks. I do believe you will fit the description just fine." She suddenly began to feel more than a little perturbed, being examined like this in such an unfounded manner, and more to the point besides, what was with his unique behavior?

"E— _excuse_ me? My—my _hair_ , Professor? I—I'm afraid I don't understand, sir, wh—what does the color of my hair have to do with my duties, sir?" Tonks stammered, blinking owlishly at the Hogwarts Headmaster, this ancient wizard who, although quite kind and a gentle soul, was known to be rather eccentric.

She was at a total loss for words for the first time in her life.

Was this about her station here at Hogwarts? If so, what on Merlin's green _earth_ did her _looks_ have to do with her capabilities as an Auror to apprehend her own cousin, Sirius?

Tonks rolled her eyes, not wanting to bother to even try to understand the man on the opposite end of the desk tonight, or any other night for that matter.

She had given up trying long ago.

"I _saw_ that, Nymphadora. Never you mind about an old man's indulgences. My reasons for inquiring after you are my own," Albus muttered, causing Tonks's head to whiplash back to the left to look at the old man in horror and alarm, as she had turned her head away to actively avoid looking the Hogwarts Headmaster in his piercing blue eyes.

The young witch and Auror silently seethed, her hands clutching onto the edges of her chair for support.

"Will the color of my hair be a _problem_ for this assignment, Professor?" Tonks managed to ask through gritted teeth, scrunching her nose so that it reverted to her natural hair color, a light ash brown, almost a mousey brown, like that of her father, Ted's.

She swore she heard Albus Dumbledore chuckle, and her eyes flung open at the noise as she turned to look at the Headmaster in confusion.

Tonks never liked to admit this next fact to anyone, though the few times she had managed to interact with Albus Dumbledore, the old man always made her feel as though he had the ability to see past the makeup and eyeliner whenever his icy blue eyes bore straight into hers, seeming to see into her soul.

Albus Dumbledore leaned over in his chair, the light from the flames of the lit candles in the five-pronged candelabra behind his desk illuminating his tired, careworn, and lined face.

The wrinkles bore deeply into his skin, and a few whiskers of his long grey beard twitched without prompting. His expression was one of frustration and fatigue as he regarded her.

"No, my dear. Feel free to wear your hair whatever color you wish. I was merely…making an observation from times long past, times that are behind us now. Never you mind an old man's musings," he answered with a tone bordering on a finality that told Tonks to drop it. Albus sighed and continued. "You asked me about the Azkaban Prison's guards. The Dementors are sorely mistaken, Auror Tonks, if they believe they will be coming onto school grounds to conduct their search for your escaped prisoner, Sirius Black, Nymphadora, though that is not the matter I wish to discuss," he murmured, keeping his fingers interlaced together.

Noting Tonks's confused expression, he continued. "It is _you_ I wish to talk about for a moment. Your little surprise encounter on the Hogwarts Express this evening following the aftermath of the attack. The other teachers. Are they aware?"

Tonks blinked owlishly at the Headmaster. "S—Sir? Aware of what? Is this about… Sirius Black?" she stammered, feigning ignorance as to the nature of his question, though she knew she was about to be asked after her cousin.

Tonks cringed, feeling what little color was left in her face drain as she found himself almost inexplicably being sucked into his gaze.

This glacier, piercing icy blue stare of his. Had she done something, said something, perhaps to the conductor to offend him?

This man had stories to tell, experience danced on his lips like a curious child.

And yet he stayed silent, those listless eyes just watching, not telling, fire adorning his skin, waiting for Tonks to answer him.

Professor Dumbledore merely proceeded to shake his head and let out a dark little chuckle, tucking his still-folded together hands underneath his chin and propping his elbows up onto the surface of his desk.

"No, not him. I heard tell from none other than our Professor Lupin himself at the feast that he encountered you on the train, dear. Is it true?"

_That professor said something to Dumbledore_. _Why_? Tonks thought, frowning. "Oh." She stammered, feeling a light pink blush speckling along her cheeks. Tonks bit the wall of her cheek, thinking that she had been sure he would ask her about Sirius Black. "I…"

But her voice trailed off as she looked into the Headmaster's eyes. She could see no reason to lie to Albus, and considering the man already knew of her initial encounter with the school's newest Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor, she thought it would serve her best in this instance, to tell the truth.

"Yes, Professor, I—I did," she confessed, quirking a brow in alarm at the sudden mischievous little twinkle in the old man's brilliant blue eyes as he silently surveyed the Auror. "He is…ah, well, he's…" she mumbled, feeling an incredibly fiery heat creep to her cheeks.

_Intimidating. Wolfish. Monstrous. Hideous_ is what she wanted to say and immediately felt incredibly guilty for thinking such a thought.

It wasn't as if the man had given those scars to himself!

Tonks winced, squeezing her eyes shut, internally cursing herself. She had _felt_ the way his eyes had crawled all over her backside when she left. Tonks had _seen_ the way the man had looked at her.

And yet… when she had dared to meet his gaze one last time, she could sense no malicious intent in the man's light brown eyes. He seemed something of a contradiction, and she wanted to say as much to Albus.

The young Auror furrowed her thin eyebrows, her mind wandering for the third time in one night. Discussing Remus Lupin made Tonks feel uneasy, and she wanted to avoid this particular topic of conversation as much as possible.

Something inside her did not feel right discussing someone she did not know behind their backs like this.

Tonks took a curl in her finger to twirl while she pondered these odd thoughts of the strange timid man she had met on the train, furrowing her brows as her mind focused yet again on his grotesque scars.

Shocking, yes, upon first glance, and something about them felt…off. Yes.

_Off_. There was no other accurate word to describe them.

They were cursed scars, she could tell, otherwise, a skilled Healer would have been able to mend them with minimal problems.

And then…the possible realization of what they were hit her squarely in the chest as though she had been hit with a Knockback Jinx, and Tonks felt herself physically reel back into her chair as far as she could go.

_Werewolf_ , she thought wildly, biting down on her tongue.

There could be no other explanation. It would explain the nature of the man's scars, his pale and thin, almost emaciated physical appearance.

The tattered and shabby state of his clothing suggested he was a young man who struggled to maintain gainful employment, thanks to Dolores Jane Umbridge's Anti-Werewolf Legislation Act.

_Remus Lupin's a werewolf. I know he is_ , Tonks thought wildly, feeling like her mind was reeling.

Again, she felt her breaths catch in her throat as her thoughts struggled to catch up.

A cold chill wafted down her spine as she recollected the strange way Lupin had looked at her, almost wolfish in a way, hungered, and she did not like it at all.

"Yes?" Albus prodded, the whiskers of his beard twitching without prompting as he pushed up his glasses on the bridge of his nose.

Tonks hesitated, wanting to ask after the nature of the man's scars on his face, if they were what she suspected them to be.

When she lifted her chin to meet the Headmaster's gaze, the man smiled at her kindly, his blue eyes crinkling warmheartedly.

"Professor," Tonks began nervously, biting the wall of her cheek and reaching up a hand to tuck a lock of her hair back behind her ear and off her shoulder where it belonged, not entirely sure how to phrase what was on her mind, "is Lupin a…"

She wasn't even aware that she was wildly gesticulating with her hands towards her own face, wanting to indicate the man's scars, as the word she wanted to say would not come to her, though finally, Tonks spat the word out with great urgency.

"Is he a _werewolf_ , Professor? The—the scars, they are the bite marks of a wolf, aren't they, Albus? You've appointed a _werewolf_ as your new Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor, haven't you?" Tonks blurted out, cringing, and biting down on her bottom lip in a state of nervous agitation as she fell quiet.

Oh, but how horribly awkward this all was, but it would make sense. The nature of the poor man's truly horrific looking scars, and the rather wolfish way he had regarded on the Hogwarts Express.

How pale and peaky the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor had looked considering it was a day or two past the end of August's full moon as the beginning of September had approached.

She hadn't _meant_ to blurt out her suspicions in such an ungraceful way, but Albus Dumbledore intimidated her at times.

Now was _definitely_ one of those times.

Professor Dumbledore's cheerful demeanor almost instantly dissipated, immediately in its place was an expression of a morose grimness, and there was a solemn, stern look in the man's eyes that Tonks knew without a shadow of a doubt that she was correct in her initial assumption of Hogwarts' new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor.

"Yes," he answered grimly, the light in his brilliant azure blue orbs dimming a little as he studied Tonks over the rims of his glasses. "But I would not fear the man, my dear lady. I can understand, given the initial shocking appearance of his unfortunate scars, Auror Tonks, why you would initially be wary, perhaps even frightened of the man, my dear," and he frowned slightly as the young witch shuddered at the memory of meeting the man on the train, and his frown deepened as he studied her.

Tonks nodded her head slowly at the old wizard's confession, hating that the vision of the man's scarred and grotesque looking face still brought a chill to Tonks's bones, though she would never dare admit to the man.

She was thinking of how best to respond when the Headmaster coughed once to clear his throat as much as to return Tonks's attention to the topic of conversation at hand, Albus looking at her knowingly but gently.

"I can imagine why you would be frightened of him, Auror Tonks, and why you felt compelled to come and speak to me tonight about the nature of Professor Lupin's appointment," Professor Dumbledore said quietly in a subdued tone as he folded his fingers together. "But I can assure you, my dear, that your fears are quite unfounded. I would even go as far as to say that you will not find a kinder soul in all of Great Britain than Professor Lupin. He is a _good_ man, a pure man, with a kind, _kind_ heart. You would do _well_ to remember that," he admonished, those piercing eyes of blue seeming to bear down and stare straight past her makeup and into her own eyes, to the depths of her very soul, causing poor Tonks to feel incredibly uneasy.

Tonks had been about to part open her lips to speak when she sensed Dumbledore was not finished, and promptly closed her mouth and waited.

"You need not fear anything within these stone walls, Auror Tonks. Especially not Remus. He is a kind man, but quite timid and shy, my dear. You've nothing to fear," Dumbledore murmured, unfolding his hands, and shifting with a stack of parchment papers piled high on top of his desk.

Tonks cringed, feeling immensely guilty at her initial reaction earlier this evening on the train, and the horrible thoughts she'd had of the man while on the way up to Dumbledore's office.

She could not help but wonder if it would be appropriate for her to find the man at some point this week once he had settled into the routine of his classes and apologize to him for the horrific way she had looked at him earlier tonight.

_In due time, T_ , her conscience gently reminded her. _Professor Lupin is not your priority at this school. Arresting Sirius Black is_. She gave a nod.

The young Auror took the sign of the Hogwarts Headmaster shuffling his papers absentmindedly on his desk as her silent cue to leave, that their conversation had reached its end.

She stifled a groan at the stiffness in her knees from climbing all those bloody stairs of the Grand Staircase and headed towards the door, though Albus called out to her.

"Miss Tonks."

His voice was somber, and yet, there was something almost foreign within, that Tonks could only describe as a note of hope.

Tonks froze, her hands balling into fists at her sides. "Yes, Professor?" she asked, sensing there was a sudden shift in the man's tones she didn't like, and as she slowly turned at the waist to look at the Headmaster one last time before departing his office, she was correct in that he _planned_ this.

Whatever was going through his mind, judging by the twinkling sheen in Albus Dumbledore's brilliantly blue eyes, this was _not_ going to be good.

"Since you seem to have minimal experience, my dear, given your youth and status as a recently graduated Auror from the program, Auror Tonks, I would ask since you are here at my bequest that for now, you shall be assigned to the first floor of the castle, for now. It is by far the easiest to navigate. And…"

There was a beat, a pause, and Tonks felt her heart sink to the pit of her churning stomach as the man's lips curled up into a soft smile.

Dumbledore continued, a note of hope in his voice. "Daresay you might even encounter Professor Lupin a time or two if you are lucky. I think you owe it to the man to say more than two words to him, my dear. The poor fellow is quite lonely, you see, and could use a…"

"A _what_?" Tonks snapped, the fine hairs on the back of her neck standing up at what she thought Albus was about to insinuate. " _Sir_ ," she added, quickly correcting herself, not one to forget proper edict.

As Professor Dumbledore slowly lifted his chin to regard the young woman standing in front of the gargoyle statue that would take her back to her quarters on the first floor, there was a sadness lit in his blue eyes.

"A _friend_ ," was all he answered, and Tonks's guilt returned tenfold. "Should you perform well enough over the next few weeks, your position may change, but for now, I would have you guard the first floor of Hogwarts, and..."

There was another long pause, causing Tonks's stomach to churn uncomfortably.

She had a feeling she knew where the old man was going.

"You should work alongside Professor Lupin at your earliest opportunity, my dear," Albus said tiredly. "The man is quite skilled in his profession. There is a reason I requested he returns to Hogwarts to teach my Defense Against the Dark Arts classes, Auror Tonks. If anyone should know how to approach the subject of capturing Mr. Black, it will be Remus, Nymphadora."

Tonks inwardly groaned. She had been bloody afraid of this. She ducked her head, allowing a maroon curl to tumble in front of her face as the fiery heat returned to her cheeks.

"Yes, sir. As you wish it."

Tonks stepped onto the platform and allowed the gargoyle statue to remove herself from the scene of the Headmaster's office as quickly as it could manage.

Tonks shivered and crossed her arms over her chest in an effort to shield herself from the guilt that suddenly assaulted her mind.

As she walked in a daze towards her prepared quarters, Tonks realized that she had many reasons to be afraid of the new Defense Against the Dark Professor.

He was a _werewolf_ , a savage _beast_ , or so she had been led to believe growing up, though as strange as the man might have looked, Tonks could not believe that he was one of them. Not with those eyes…

Frowning, Tonks paused outside her door and sanguinely lifted her head and regarded a painting of Merlin himself, the man who had guided King Arthur to greatness, this Prince of Enchanters, a former Slytherin.

The young Auror furrowed her brows into a frown, swearing the portrait of the old ancient sorcerer almost looked disappointed in her.

She shivered with gritted teeth, tightening her arms around her middle and turned away from the painting and wrenched open the door to her room and slamming it shut, smart enough not to look back behind her.

But, as she allowed herself to collapse onto her meager little cot that was more lumps than mattress, she knew that at some point this week when a break in her duties would permit her, she would have to apologize.

As Tonks closed her eyes, she felt them begin to well up with tears. She had to be strong.

She had to be strong and survive this so she could arrest her own cousin and put him back behind bars where he belonged.

Tonks could only hope that, given time, assuming Professor Lupin accepted her apology, that perhaps if it went well, the man would help her.

She could only hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: A fun chapter to write. I always love writing for Dumbledore and having him give good advice lol. The next chapter is a real treat for sure! A Snape/Lupin chapter as the two encounters one another after years apart, the last time having seen one another was their 7th year at Hogwarts.


	3. A Difficult Conversation

**3**

**THE** moment Remus had been waiting for had finally arrived as he raised his knuckles to knock, feeling the dread at this reunion creep down his spine like a spider leaving a careful trail of silk. Lupin could feel her feet on his skin as a wash of cold that he knew had nothing to do with being in the dungeons washed over his body, and had been midway through bringing his fist down onto the wooden surface of the Potions Master's office door when Severus Snape's listless, droll baritone interrupted Lupin's thoughts.

A horrible, thick uneasiness filled his chest, and his throat hollowed and constricted, and it felt as though it had cut off precious air to his passageways.

This was one particular meeting he was not at all looking forward to. His heart tremored within him as he squeezed his eyes tightly shut and shot a silent prayer to Merlin and his mother, Hope, wherever she was, Merlin bless her soul, that he would remain calm throughout his meeting with Severus.

He had not seen the man since their graduation as seventh years back when they had attended Hogwarts together, and to say that he was not at all looking forward to this was something of an understatement.

He stifled the urge to groan as he heard Snape speak again.

"Come."

Remus sighed dejectedly and before he could move his hand to twist the doorknob to set foot inside the room, Snape's office door swung open of its own accord, and Severus sat behind his desk, his wand raised in hand, the beginnings of a twisted, grotesque smirk on his face.

Though the man was not alone. Immediately, Lupin inclined his head as a show of respect to Hogwarts Headmaster.

Were it not for Professor Dumbledore, Remus would not be back in the only place aside from James and Lily's that he had ever truly felt at home, in a place where he belonged.

"Headmaster," Lupin murmured lowly under his breath, his inquisitive and slightly suspicious gaze flitting towards Severus's narrowed, beady eyes and then to the cauldron, the contents of which appeared to be smoking.

It did not escape the new Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor's attention that Professors Snape and Dumbledore had clearly been in the middle of a heated argument, a sight that, in Remus's eyes, as far as Severus was concerned, was surely not altogether an uncommon occurrence, sadly.

It was no secret amongst the rest of the Hogwarts staff that Severus had been after the Defense Against the Dark Arts position for years now.

"Well, well. _Lupin_ , glad to see you've joined us from your little stroll in the _moonlight_ , yes?" sneered Severus, a muscle in his jaw twitching, though the worst of his animosity dissipated as the Headmaster shot him an unusually stern and admonishing look, no hint of warmth in his eyes.

"Please, please, come in," Professor Dumbledore offered kindly with as much courtesy as he could offer, despite his disgruntled tone as he finished up his dealings with Severus.

Sensing Lupin's initial reluctance and hesitation, the Headmaster did not give Albus a chance to respond as Dumbledore merely proceeded to flick his wand, conjuring a second chair.

The aging old wizard looked towards Severus with darkened, cerulean blue orbs, and Professor Snape looked as though he wanted to argue, though must have thought better of it, because he promptly closed his mouth shut and gave a curt jerk of his head towards the cauldron propped on top of his desk.

"I have, per the Headmaster's request, Professor Lupin, made an entire cauldronful of the Wolfsbane Potion. Take as much as you need. I can procure extra vials if need be," he growled, and before Remus could open his mouth to offer his begrudging gratitude, he continued, though not before shooting a venomous look towards his former classmate and pursing his lips into a thin line, that Lupin almost thought Snape's lips disappeared into his pallid skin. "I was merely discussing with the Headmaster that this young girl Aurors Moody and Shacklebolt sent us to aid us in our efforts to guard the school against your old friend, I do not believe the wretched little _succubus_ that _dares_ to call herself a young witch is entirely adequate," he spat, his black eyes narrowing to mere slits.

Severus Snape leaned forward in his chair, his elbows resting on the surface of his desk, his craggy features suspended between disbelief and rage.

Seconds pass, Lupin's brain taking in his old former classmate in, struggling to comprehend who it was the two wizards were discussing now.

And then, it hit him.

"The Auror?" he breathed, feeling like his brain could not formulate a single thought, at least not one based in any language that he knew.

Lupin felt his tongue run along the top wall of his teeth as his frazzled mind was rushed by just the memory of two days ago on the train. He grimaced, tearing his gaze away from Snape's piercing black gaze.

Severus Snape's eyes, Remus knew, matched the way the bitter Potions Professor felt about the world, for reasons that were unknown to him: dark and cold.

The whites of Professor Snape's eyes contrasted sharply with the pitch-black iris that sunk deep into the sallow-faced man's head.

Its depth resembled that of a black hole in space, an air of eeriness and unsettling coldness emanating from the Potion Master's listless gaze.

Remus felt an inexplicable warmth starting spread throughout the confines of his chest as the hairs on the back of his neck stood, silently seething at the unfounded way that Professor Snape was insulting the girl.

His temper inherited from his father, Lyall, was a slow-burning fuse. There was no problem while there was still more to burn, but then the explosion that would result if he could not regain control of his emotions would catch those in the same vicinity all by surprise, leaving them broken.

A scattered groan managed to escape his cracked lips as Remus balled his hands into fists and set them shakily on his lap, grinding his teeth in annoyance.

The thought of the young, beautiful witch he met two nights ago on the Hogwarts Express flashed in Lupin's vivid memory. The recollection of her haunted smile danced in the dark recesses of his mind.

If Remus focused long enough, he could hear the young witch's laugh as though she were standing right behind him.

Well, he had a good idea of her laugh at the very least. Hers was hard to forget, to say nothing of her smile, and he thought it was a good thing he did not need his wolfish sense of hearing to be able to see the beautiful picture that was the mysterious she-stranger he had met on the Hogwarts Express, whose name he still had yet to learn.

Lupin felt his brows furrow into a frown as he regarded them.

His gaze remained fixated on Professor Dumbledore, whose brilliant cobalt-blue orbs were twinkling mischievously behind the lenses of his silver half-moon spectacles, as though the man knew more than he was letting on.

Remus sighed and parted his lips open to speak, though before he could so much as getting a word in edgewise, the Headmaster stopped him.

"Professor Snape and I were merely discussing her new appointment."

Remus slowly nodded his head as his brain took in all of the information, though something Severus had said gave him pause, and caused his head to whiplash sharply upward and shoot the man a withering stare that, had Remus the ability to do nonverbally, would have turned the greasy-haired git to stone right where he sat, and shot him an angered look.

"What do you _mean_ , you don't think she's adequate?" he snapped, feeling the all-too-familiar hot spark of anger well within the pit of his churning stomach as his fingers resting in his lap twitched and became clammy.

Lupin turned towards Professor Dumbledore, his light brown eyes searching the Headmaster's pale blue orbs for any sign of the truth. "You accepted her just two nights ago for her position, Headmaster!"

Remus swiveled his head back to Snape, whose expression remained a mask of perfect, almost bored indifference, before turning back to regard Albus, who held a genuinely concerned expression on his lined and weathered features, almost looking forlorn and careworn, and not that of an unsatisfied, snobbish man merely turning away an unsuitable candidate.

"What exactly _is_ the problem, Headmaster?" Lupin asked cautiously, careful to mind his choice of words, hoping that his insatiable curiosity to learn more of the bright young witch who seemed to have succeeded in ensnaring herself into his senses and mind, out of his tone in the moment.

"It is not necessarily a problem exactly," Professor Dumbledore grunted under his breath, twiddling with his thumbs as his hands rested folded onto his stomach as he leaned back in his chair. "I am inclined to label it as more of a _complication_. You are aware of her familial history?"

Lupin felt his heart sink to the pit of his stomach as he shook his head, though he had a feeling he already knew where Albus was headed.

But that did not stop him from asking the question that was burning on the tip of his tongue, demanding an answer from the Headmaster.

"Is this to do with Sirius Black, Professor? About his escape?" he demanded, considering himself far more observant than Severus was, and more emotionally invested in the bright young witch, besides. "What has Sirius Black got to do with any of this, Headmaster, I don't understand…"

Professor Dumbledore heaved a small sigh and slumped his shoulders forward in defeat as he slowly lifted his chin to look begrudgingly up at the level-headed and clear-minded Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor seated next to him before finding his voice and speaking his opinion again.

"Yes, you are correct, Mr. Lupin. It is Mr. Black that I am worried about. You _do_ know that he and our newest Auror on guard are cousins?"

Remus grimaced at the Hogwarts Headmaster's words, tearing his fixated gaze away from Professor Dumbledore's and chose instead to focus his blurred gaze at a spot on the wall behind Severus Snape's head, fixing his vision on a few vials of potions that held rather questionable contents.

His shaking hands found their way inside the interior pocket of his brown, tattered robes in the effort to prevent himself from striking out against something in anger, and at this point, it very well might just be Professor Snape's nose, it was getting hard for Remus to control himself.

Lupin breathed heavy, scattered breaths while his unblinking, light brown eyes remained fixated at that one particular vial near Severus's ear.

He couldn't be sure, but it _looked_ like it contained the tentacles of a grindylow. Remus felt a shudder journey down his spine as he gaped at the vial.

The alarmed man blinked rapidly, trying desperately to wrap his mind around Professor Dumbledore's words.

She was…Sirius's _cousin_?!

Why hadn't she _said_ something? For that matter, why hadn't Sirius? Lupin shook his head to clear his mind, thinking that in terms of the young witch, why wouldn't she have told him? And then, Lupin cursed himself.

Well, of _course_ , she wouldn't have said anything to him. He did not know her, Merlin's Beard, and seven hells below, he didn't even know her _name_!

She had no reason to confess to him the nature of her relationship with Sirius, and Remus decided that he could not fault the Auror for keeping her secret, considering he was essentially a stranger to him, but why, then hadn't Professor Dumbledore or Snape said something earlier?

Words left him. He carded his fingers through his thick tuft of shoulder-length light brown hair and bit the inside wall of his cheek.

"No." The confession escaped his chest, throat, and lips as a low, hoarse whisper, and he winced at hearing the faltering crack and dip in his voice as he forced himself to tear his gaze away from that suspicious-looking vial and back towards Dumbledore and Severus's concerned gazes.

Well, Dumbledore was looking more concerned rather than Snape was, but that was beside the point.

Remus slowly lifted his gaze and stared into the Headmaster's bright blue eyes burning with something akin to sympathy in his piercing glacier gaze, and his heart fell silent in his chest.

Lupin felt as though he had a dozen or so questions swirling around in his exhausted mind, all of them begging to be asked.

But he couldn't will his lips to move. As if stuck underwater, everything was slow and warbled. Remus inhaled, breathing in, and out shaking breaths and willing his temper to calm down.

"How long have you both known?" he asked in a rough, coarse voice that could almost be described as a low, wolfish growl.

Severus almost rolled his eyes as he shot a dark look with Albus.

"Look at that, Albus. The wolf _feels_. How _touching_ ," he snapped angrily.

Lupin could hold his tongue no longer. The fingers of his wand hand twitched as he fought back the urge to pull his wand and hex the man.

"With every word you speak, you just dig your grave deeper and deeper, _Snivellus_ ," Remus spat in a voice that he knew he recognized belonging to the Wolf within him, scowling at him, his hands clenched into fists as they rested, albeit shakingly, in his laps, and he growled with the effort to restrain himself.

He was pleased to see, at the very least, the briefest flickers of the fear dart through the greasy-haired git's coal-black eyes at seeing the shadow of the Wolf within him dart across his scarred face.

" _Enough_."

Professor Dumbledore's voice was clipped and hardened, and there was a hint of steel that told both men to calm down, or else.

Lupin bristled, silently seething as he ground his teeth in annoyance, though being under the particularly hostile glare from Albus, he fell silent.

Professor Dumbledore heaved a haggard sigh and pinched at the bridge of his slender and slightly crooked nose with his thumb and forefinger, sliding his glasses back on the bridge of his nose.

"Both of you will heed my words, Severus and Remus. You two will kindly put aside any petty grievances you share with one another during the days you were both students here. You are adults and it is high time that you act like the mature adults I know you to be. To answer your question, Remus, we have known for a while, and our reasons for not disclosing this information are our own, _however_ , the simple fact of the matter remains that until now, it was never our business to share. It was always meant to be either Mr. Black's or hers, and considering there was a time when I thought the two of you would perhaps never meet again had crossed my mind, I did not believe you would ever ask Sirius, Remus. As to why the young woman in question did not tell you as to the nature of her relationship with Sirius Black, well, I would have thought that would have been obvious, Remus," Professor Dumbledore murmured, proceeding to raise his eyebrows in alarm and look at his Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor in a look akin to something like sadness intermingled with pity. "She does not _know_ you."

Albus fell silent and merely proceeded to look at Remus in an intense manner that suggested to Remus that for reasons unknown to him, he acted almost disappointed in Lupin, though he could not begin to fathom why.

Remus visibly shirked away, his back pressing into the chair as far as he possibly could, feeling his heartstrings give a painful little lurch in his chest, only this time, there was an added layer of salt on top of his already wounded tender heart at the matter of Padfoot's betrayal of James and Lily.

Professor Dumbledore's harsh words of truth stung. It hurt as hell. No, he _didn't_ know her name, though not for lack of trying to find out.

But he had not been able to find the vibrant young witch in the halls, and it wasn't for lack of trying. He had scoured the hallways his second night here in the castle when he could not sleep, visions of the young woman's serene smile drenching his memory, to the point of frustration.

Remus was beginning to wonder if the woman he had met on the Hogwarts Express was another phantasm his mind had created to ease his melancholy and his loneliness throughout the years.

It took Lupin a few minutes to lift his head and meet the Headmaster's gaze, to bring himself to brave the strain of his longsuffering soul, but he could not dwell on it.

Lupin squeezed his eyes tightly shut, wanting to put such inappropriate thoughts of the young witch he had met on the Hogwarts Express out of his mind, and even when she was not present in the room with him, it was as though the woman was playing a sport of his mind.

Remus shook his head wildly to rid himself of these startling and unhelpful thoughts and images as he forced himself to try to pay attention.

"But I do not _understand_ what she has to do with Sirius Black, Headmaster," Remus murmured, swallowing down hard past the growing lump in his throat and furrowing his brows in contemplation. "Do you think that by having her here at the school, given her familial connection to the man, it serves as a conflict of interest for the Auror?" he questioned.

Severus, from the other side of his desk, gave off a surprisingly disgruntled noise from the back of his throat before hurriedly asking Albus to make his point.

He gesticulated with his hands while fiddling with the cork of a vial in his hands, his black eyes flitting from Albus to Remus.

If Professor Snape was at all surprised by Lupin's odd behavior, the skilled Legilimens hid it well with a perfected look of perfect impassiveness.

"I fear Sirius Black is in a rather dangerous state of mind where he might take advantage of those around him in order to get to Harry Potter. He is increasingly volatile, or so the rumors say of the Azkaban Prison guards when I questioned a few of them as to the nature of his escape."

Remus blinked owlishly at Professor Dumbledore, not comprehending, at least not at first, and then it hit him as the moment he realized he had misinterpreted Dumbledore's statement, and his blood curdled within his veins and turned sour, and he swore he tasted bile.

His mind felt like it was drawing a blank and his eyes wide as he stared at the Hogwarts Headmaster in horror, hoping he was not insinuating what he thought he was.

"Headmaster, _please_ ," Remus begged, not even caring if the other men heard the note of desperation that crept into his voice. "You cannot truly believe that Sirius would force himself on her like a—"

"Like the _dog_ that we all know Black to be, Professor Lupin, yes, that is exactly what the Headmaster is implying of your friend, _wolf_ ," Severus quietly interjected before Remus could open his mouth to argue his stance.

Lupin shot the Potions Professor a withering glower, and would have further insulted the man, though considering Severus had been tasked by Dumbledore himself to brew the relatively new discovery of the Wolfsbane Potion for him in order to maintain his employment here at Hogwarts, he knew that if he were to lose his composure in front of Snape and insult the man, though his urge was rapidly swelling in his chest as the Wolf within his chest growled and roared its displeasure at the unfounded accusations that Professor Dumbledore was making against his old friend, he couldn't.

He wouldn't put it past Severus to slip something into his Wolfsbane if he were to insult the man, and that would bode especially ill for him, all things considered.

Remus pursed his lips into a thin line and looked pointedly away from Severus, instead choosing to force his attention back to the Headmaster.

"Headmaster Dumbledore, I can assure you, that I don't believe Sirius to be that much of an _animal_ , Professor," replied Remus in a curt tone, his voice cold as he felt his facial muscles stiffen and twitch as he locked his jaw.

He did not like the turn this conversation had taken at all about Sirius.

"Prior to the…" He swallowed, feeling a lump forming in his throat, "man's arrest," he continued, after several minutes struggling to find his voice, "I saw it with my own eyes what kind of man Sirius Black grew up to be. He is a good man. _Was_ ," he quickly corrected himself, grinding his teeth. "Though Sirius Black is…much changed," he began hesitantly, feeling as though there was a gag on his mouth as he hated spewing such venomous thoughts of his former friend, "I do not think he would harm the girl, sir." A sudden and sharp pain thrashed through the damned stubborn corded muscle that Remus knew to be his weak heart as he fell silent.

The implications of what the two Professors were suggesting, what he was feeling towards his former friend, felt… _wrong_.

Horribly wrong.

It just had to be. However, before Lupin could open his mouth to further argue his point, that no matter what Sirius Black was or wasn't these days, he did not believe that he would force himself on the witch.

He bit down hard on his tongue that soon the metallic tang of iron lingered on his tongue and palate, though Remus was soon saved the trouble of responding as Severus spoke up, his tone now completely solemn and no hint of its usual malice whenever he was forced to speak to Remus whenever the two men passed each other in the corridors or during mealtimes.

"Yes, well, _you_ would be the only person in this entire bloody castle who holds such an opinion of Black, _Lupin_ ," Severus barked, furrowing his dark eyebrows into a frown as the Potions Master glowered.

Professor Dumbledore gave a light little cough as he turned his head to the side, eager to steer the conversation in a brand new direction and away from the potential hostilities, seeing Lupin's flushed, outraged face.

"That being said, Professor Lupin, for the time being, therefore," continued Albus before the two men could come to physical blows and quite eager to reach the conclusion of this discussion, "I think it best to keep the young lady in question confined, to the time being, to the first floor."

Here, he turned towards Remus and regarded his new Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor with a rather quizzical look that Lupin was not altogether entirely sure what to make of, a glimmering look of intrigue intermingled with an emotion he could not quite identify in those pale blue orbs of his, and whatever the Headmaster was scheming, he did not like it.

There were still so many unanswered questions that Remus wanted to ask of Professor Dumbledore, however, judging by the expression on the ancient wizard's face, he was quick to sense he grew weary of their talk.

"She will work alongside you, Professor Lupin, if you are agreeable to my terms. Given that you are our Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor for the year, Remus, I think with your combined intellect and magical skill that is unparalleled in you both that I have never seen before, I think our best bet at ensuring Sirius Black faces justice for his crimes if you will aid the young woman in his capture," Dumbledore announced grimly.

"I…" Remus stammered, feeling his voice trail off as he hesitantly looked the Hogwarts Headmaster in the eyes, feeling as though Albus's piercing pale blue orbs held the tendency within to peer into his soul.

A natural talent that had always unnerved him. Especially right now.

"Yes," he answered at last, feeling his heart sink to the floor as he slowly rose to his feet, his knuckles going white with the effort to steady himself as he clutched onto the backrest of the chair for support.

"She is related to the Lestrange family, Lupin, in case your thick-headed skull has not already reached that particular conclusion. Bellatrix and Rodolphus are her aunt and uncle," Severus drawled in his languid tone that sent Remus's blood boiling within his veins, though he offered up no verbal retort.

As long as Dumbledore was in the room, he wouldn't.

"I _know_ that," Remus interrupted gruffly, though he really _hadn't_ , and this revelation further caused what little color remained in his peaky face to drain, rendering him pallid, and now he knew he was sure he looked like a member of the walking dead, that he would not need to be dead to be passed off as an Inferi.

He flinched, grinding his teeth as Dumbledore rose her eyebrows, further silently observing the bickering between the two of them. Lupin felt a light pink blush speckling along his cheeks in hot shame.

Severus sniffed and shot Remus a look of immense disbelief, suggesting that he did not believe the werewolf's claim.

Dumbledore pointedly chose to ignore him and rose to stand alongside Remus as the pair walked towards the door that led out into the dungeon's corridors.

"She is an intelligent young woman, Severus, but I do not wish to see the poor lady fall prey to her own cousin's attention, since she has only just arrived here and Black was known to be something of a womanizer back in his day," Professor Dumbledore commented airily, ignoring Remus's growing look of anger and jealousy as once again, their conversation had taken an unpleasant turn in a direction that he _didn't_ like.

Lupin paused as he stared at Dumbledore, who was looking uncharacteristically somber.

It was rare for the Headmaster to criticize anyone, but whenever he did, particularly one of his own teachers, it was always with good reason.

"We cannot keep her in the dark forever, Professor," Lupin heard himself murmur in a low, hoarse voice. "She's going to have to be prepared. Sirius Black is a volatile man, Professor, his status as an old former friend notwithstanding, and you are right in the fact the man was always something of a womanizer, Professor. I don't trust the young Auror alone in the hallways after dark, Albus," he growled bitterly.

Remus froze, cringing as he recognized just how cold and hardened at the edges his voice sounded as he realized his words dripped with jealousy.

He could hear the very venom seep from his words, and he flinched.

"Indeed," Albus responded gravely with a slight incline of his head, though his cobalt blue eyes were twinkling. "The girl, suffice it to say, Remus, has shall we say, a talent for trouble. She is curious, I have noticed. This young Auror may be a novice, but already, when I spoke with her two nights ago, I witnessed for myself the questioning expression on her face, as if she is constantly asking ' _why_?' She wishes to know as much as possible. Were she not an Auror, the young witch would make an _excellent_ scholar."

"Her name," Remus blurted out suddenly, not sure where _this_ little outburst had come from, as Severus merely inclined his head by way of response, promptly turning his back on the pair of wizards as Lupin and Dumbledore swiftly made their way out of Professor Snape's office.

The Hogwarts Headmaster, who had been walking slightly ahead of Remus in a surprisingly swift and agile manner for one so old, halted in his movements and slowly looked over his shoulder to regard Lupin in silence.

Suddenly feeling sheepish, Lupin felt his cheeks become flushed high with color and he was sure his facial expression held such a look of mild shock etched on his scarred and prematurely lined face, that Dumbledore could see it and now there was no living this up.

"I—I don't know it, sir."

He whispered his confession like a hushed, dirty secret and waited.

Remus stood just outside of Severus's office, frozen, watching in awe at Albus Dumbledore's expression as the edges of his lips curled upward.

" _That_ , Remus," Albus began, fixing Remus with a pointed stare and merely proceeding to clasp his ringed fingers in front of his middle as he turned his back on Professor Lupin and continued down the dungeons corridor in a rather leisurely paced stroll, "is something that you should be discussing with _her_. She is, after all, in a sense, your new partner, Remus. If you wish to know her name, I suggest that you ask her _yourself_."

Professor Dumbledore allowed a light little chuckle to escape his lips.

He saw the shock register on Remus's face before he could think of hiding it.

A small smile played on his lips, and he must have sensed what Remus was thinking, that he could not find her anywhere in this damned castle, when the next words the Hogwarts Headmaster spouted almost made poor Lupin's very heart give out right there on the spot where Remus stood.

"Might I suggest the _library_ , Professor Lupin?" called out Albus over his shoulder, though the eccentric old wizard did not bother to glance back over his shoulder. "The young woman shows quite a penchant for books and a thirst for knowledge, given by the way she was rather enviously eyeing my personal collection in my office last night," Albus chuckled, and without another word, vanished.

Remus was left in the corridors of the dungeons, feeling dumbstruck and at a complete loss for words, which was something of a rarity for him.

The security he had felt when he came down here has long since melted as he felt his feet moving of his own accord out of the dungeons and up the Grand Staircase, his legs no longer taking direction from his own mind, though Lupin knew he was heading straight to the library.

Lupin shivered, though he knew it not from the cold, but of fear.

He could _swear_ as he ascended the stairs to the library, that he felt eyes boring from unseen portals in the places, and he was not referring to the portraits.

For reasons he could not explain, in addition to the nerve-wracking thought of encountering the beautiful young woman from the train earlier, he could not shake the feeling that he was being watched, and his mind drifted to thoughts of that red-haired boy's rat.

_One of the Weasley boys…_ His brows furrowed into a frown as he continued his climb, his mind preoccupied with his sense of the eerie familiarity of the boy's pet rat, before shoving the tattered-looking brown rat out of his mind for now.

Tersely, Lupin's light brown eyes flicked to the library's entrance, hoping that Professor Dumbledore would be right in his initial assessment.

That _she_ would be here…

With butterflies in his stomach and his head buzzing with possibilities, feeling confused, betrayed, and utterly lost, he could only pray and hope that something good would come from his newfound alliance with _her_.

Remus glanced back over his shoulder one more time, starting to fear for the worst, unable to stop the cold shiver of revulsion that crept down his spine as he swore he felt dozens of pairs of wandering invisible eyes on him, but he did not allow himself to look back a second time, as he emanated a tense breath through his nose, firmly gripping the doorknob.

Lupin tugged on one of the sturdy handles of the library's entrance and disappeared into the massive library, letting the door shut behind him.

It was time to _truly_ meet this Auror. To know her name.

_To meet my new partner…_

* * *

**A/N: A difficult conversation to be sure, but the next chapter should be a little bit lighter as our favorite werewolf and Auror meet for the second time in an unexpected way. Stay tuned! :)**


	4. What Happened in the Restricted Section

**4**

**TONKS** always cherished the Hogwarts library, considering everywhere she looked, books surrounded her.

Rows upon rows of books, filling up countless bookcases, books floating above her head in midair as the castle's librarian, Madame Pince, the old hag, though Tonks would never dare admit it out loud to her face, held her wand raised steadily at chest level as she supervised the books putting themselves back in their proper places.

Pince's gaze momentarily landed on Tonks, and Tonks found herself steadily returning the crone's gaze before her.

At merely the age of fifty, Pince should have one foot in the grave, Tonks noticed, as her heartstrings gave a painful little lurch.

Her gait should be wonky with arthritic joints and eyesight failing faster than Harry Potter's Potions grades if the rumors the young Auror had heard of the Chosen One were true. Tonks sincerely hoped they weren't.

She cringed and continued staring at Pince, knowing bloody full well she was being rude, but unable to tear her gaze away.

Were it not for the lines in her face Tonks would think her sixty at the most given her sharp mind and easy motion, but they are so deep and saggy - like the skin no longer has a connection to the skull underneath.

In a photograph you'd clock her as fifty or more, prematurely aged beyond her years, Tonks noticed, perhaps due to stress, and Tonks firmly believed when it came to Pince, that's where she is. It's her litheness and articulate speech that got you, an echo of youth in someone so ancient.

"Madame Pince," Tonks murmured quietly in what she hoped was a polite and courteous tone. "It's good to see you again," she offered kindly.

She inwardly flinched as the older witch's lips curled upwards into a thin smile that did not quite meet her eyes as she flicked her wand and set it down on her desk, her thin, wormy lips pursed into a rigid narrow line.

"What can I do for you, Auror Tonks? Is there something, in particular, you are looking for? A certain book, perhaps?" Madame Pince asked in a somewhat cold and distant tone that Tonks felt she was undeserving of.

Tonks hesitated, biting the inside wall of her cheek. In truth, she was not exactly sure why she had come here, but she knew it was to escape the wandering eyes of all the sixth and seventh-year boys, who had a bad habit of following her backside wherever she went or staring at her chest for far too long in a manner that made the young Auror incredibly uncomfortable.

And in truth, she supposed that she had come here to ponder over what to do about Professor Dumbledore's advice, that she seeks out Professor Lupin and attempt to make amends for the cold and distant way she had treated the man that night on the Hogwarts Express. She sighed.

Sanguinely, Tonks lifted her gaze to meet Madame Pince's and jutted out her chin slightly defiantly while she wracked her brain for an excuse.

Oh, Tonks _definitely_ remembered _this_ old hag. And if you thought 'old hag' was a bit of a harsh term, the young woman was more than willing to argue her point over a mug of fresh butterbeer and a pile of Chocolate Frogs in order to prove you wrong.

Despite Pince's frail appearance and gentle expression, she knew what truly lied beneath that facet of wrinkles and careworn face of hers, with her still raven-black hair pulled so tightly back into a severe-looking bun, it did nothing to flatter her facial features, and Tonks thought she could have given Minerva McGonagall a run for her Galleons in terms of a formidable appearance.

Stubborn and headstrong like that of a wild Erumpent, with a tongue so sharp, you could very nearly be sliced into two halves if the old woman believed you to be worth her time in the very least, let alone bothered to utter a word to you at all.

When she had been a student here at Hogwarts, Tonks had the misfortune of continuously falling victim to the old librarian's harsh and cutting remarks.

Always a comment here and there, about the color of her hair on any given particular day or the way she dressed or walked or talked. It didn't matter if she were in a set of dress robes with makeup on and hair loosely curled or not.

Madame Pince _always_ managed to find something wrong, from the way she held her wand right down to the way she tied the laces of her boots. Tonks let out a tiny sigh and twisted her hands together.

"Madame Pince," the young Auror began, her voice this time much more subdued, though she cursed herself for what she was about to ask.

_You're an adult, T, you don't need to ask permission for this! Just go_! Her conscience protested, to which she waved away the angered voice in the back of her mind with a curt brush of her wand and let out a tiny growl.

If Pince noticed it, and Tonks guessed that she had, judging by the way the older witch's thin greying brows shot so far up onto her forehead that they almost disappeared into her hairline, the old librarian ignored it.

"This is HER library," Tonks protested hotly under her breath, and slowly lifted her gaze to dare to look the hawk-like librarian in her eyes.

A light pink blush speckled along the younger witch's cheeks, flushing them high with color as Tonks witnessed Hogwarts' librarian staring at her with a concerned manner in her eyes, most unusual for the old crone.

She winced. Tonks hadn't realized she'd spoken it out loud.

Tonks swallowed hard and continued. "I—I recognize that I'm no longer a student here, Madame Pince, and by rights, I should not need to ask your permission for what I am about to ask, but this is, after all, your library, madame, and if it pleases you, I should like to visit the Restricted Section. I'm hoping to find anything in here that could aid in our department's capture of our escaped convict."

Madame Pince stared at the former Hufflepuff now turned a fully-fledged Auror for the Ministry of Magic, utterly gobsmacked and unable to form an immediate response, and she favored silence as the only apt reply.

She had not, if truth be told, expected the vivacious pink-haired young witch to be so observant. Nor to be currently eyeing her right now with a furtive, guilty look on her face, though Merlin only knew why that was.

The raven-haired witch pursed her red-painted lips into a thin line.

Feeling her shoulder sag, Madame Pince absentmindedly reached for her wand and began lovingly twirling it, beginning to understand those rumors.

At the staff table in the Great Hall during mealtimes, Pince sat next to Professor Vector and Flitwick, both of whom observed during the first two days of classes that their new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Remus Lupin, while quiet, reserved, well-mannered and polite, seemed…distracted, a faraway look in the man's brown eyes, as though he were thinking of something else.

_Or someone else_ , Pince thought, sneering.

The other professors had gossiped about what had happened the night the start of the term began. Most were intrigued by the fact that an Azkaban Dementor had dared to enter the train to conduct an unauthorized search for the escaped prisoner, Sirius Black.

At the mention of the man's name, Pince froze, feeling what little color was left in her face completely drained.

She remembered Black. Potter. Pettigrew. Lupin.

The lot of them, though if Madame Pince were being honest with herself, it was Lupin that she tolerated the most, as when he had been a young lad here at Hogwarts, the boy was polite and dared to show proper edict towards his superiors.

Something that Black and Potter and to a lesser extent, Pettigrew, had always lacked, Madame Pince thought with a tiny little sniff of disapproval.

Madame Pince respected Remus Lupin well enough, however.

The man was quiet and had ventured into the library now on several occasions to search for reference materials for his classes, treating her beloved books with the utmost care and respect, always putting them back in their proper places when finished.

This young witch standing in front of her too, though she was loathed to admit it as Madame Pince felt her hawk-like gaze drift upward and settle on Nymphadora Tonks's wild pink hair color.

Hogwarts' librarian allowed the younger witch to stew in the awkward silence for another minute while she pondered the validity and the nature of the novice Auror's request, unnecessary though it was, as Nymphadora was right.

She was an adult, no longer a student here, and as such, needed no permission to wander the entirety of the library at her own discretion.

It was rumored amongst the rest of the staff, though Professor Lupin would neither confirm nor deny it, that their new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor had seemingly taken an interest in this young woman.

Feeling her shoulders slump and sag as Madame Pince gave a sharp once-over of an initial assessment of the pink-haired beauty before her, the librarian was beginning to see why Remus Lupin would take such an interest in Nymphadora Tonks if she was to believe the circulating rumors.

This young woman was not just a beautiful witch, though she was. She carried herself with quiet intelligence and the confidence of someone a decade older and possessed as an Auror the rare ability to see past the exterior surface, to places, crevices where most others did not care to look.

Nymphadora, Madame Pince knew, recollecting times when the younger witch had been a student here herself, cared deeply about others.

She still did, or rather, Madame Pince liked to _assume_ the girl did, otherwise, she would not have chosen the tedious career path of an Auror.

The girl possessed a keen imagination, and Madame Pince would never dare admit it out loud to the young woman lest her ego become insufferable, but the fact that she was thinking outside of the box and willing to visit the Restricted Section to search for a suitable way to capture Sirius Black should the man attempt to show his face on Hogwarts Grounds, was admittedly not something she would have thought she'd ask.

It was easy to see why Professor Lupin found this young witch most intriguing, and at that point, even Madame Pince (who did not particularly care about others, save for herself, her precious books, and to a lesser extent, Hogwarts' caretaker, Filch), she began to wonder against her better judgment as she preferred not to entangle herself in the lives of her colleagues if Nymphadora Tonks would actually do Remus Lupin good.

But at the same time, Pince knew better than most once the truth came out that Professor Lupin had been former best friends with none other than Sirius Black, if the two were to pursue the beginnings of a tentative friendship, perhaps even leading to a romantic relationship down the road, in time, it would wound the young girl more than anything.

And, deep down, Madame Pince did not want to see the witch hurt. She could not say for certain, that perhaps it was this that caused her to grant the young woman's request as she let out a tired sigh and pinched at the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger before adjusting her hat.

"Very well, Auror Tonks," she heard herself saying exasperatedly.

Tonks offered a slight incline of her head and made to head towards the back of the library where the Restricted Section was located when the Hogwarts librarian shot out an arm and caught her by the forearm.

Tonks froze, halting her movements and slowly craning her head upwards to look Madame Pince in the eyes, flinching and stiffening as her eyes became slits.

"A _warning_ then, dear," Madame Pince said, lowering her voice, and Tonks heard the sudden shift in the Hogwarts librarian's countenance as she was beginning to sound like her old self again whenever she addressed the students. "While you are in _my_ library, you _will_ treat these books with respect, child. If you rip, tear, shred, bend, fold, deface, disfigure, smear, smudge, throw, drop, or in any other manner damage, mistreat, or show any semblance of a lack of respects towards these books, the consequences of your despicable behavior will be as awful as it is within my power to make them," Madame Pince threatened in almost a low warning growl, as she relinquished her surprisingly ironclad grip on Tonks's arm and stepped back behind her desk and picked up her wand, fingering it in between her fingers as if to emphasize the not-so-veiled threat to her she had just made.

Tonks stared at the ground in embarrassment, at a loss for words, finding the only thing she could do was to incline her head in acknowledgment of the stern witch's words and hope it was well received.

She had no idea what to think of to respond, so she said the only thing that she could.

"Yes, Madame Pince, of course," Tonks murmured sheepishly, ducking her head as a magenta curl tumbled in front of her face, hopefully hiding the flushed, pink color of her cheeks from Pince.

Tonks nodded in response to the Hogwarts librarian's warning, and just as she was about to turn on the heel of her boot and head towards the Restricted Section to see if there was anything in this massive collection of books that might provide her with some intel on how Black had escaped, she heard Madame Pince call out to her once more over her shoulder.

"Auror Tonks," the sole librarian of Hogwarts' archive stammered, and Tonks blinked owlishly at the severe-looking witch as she slowly pivoted at the waist and dared to peek over her shoulder at the librarian, whose cheeks were painted a light pink as the older woman's face reddened maddeningly. "That night on the Hogwarts Express, I understand you encountered Professor Remus Lupin. What did he say to you, my dear?"

Madame Pince drew in a sharp breath and held it, noticing how the younger woman's countenance shifted from one of a relieved manner at being allowed access into the Restricted Section, to one of vulnerability and immediately felt a crushing sense of guilt on her shoulders and a tightening in her chest at asking such a question, but she knew of no other way to delicately probe the novice Auror to see how much Nymphadora Tonks knew of the former relationship between Sirius Black and Remus Lupin.

It was, however, the one question which both Madame Pince and the rest of the Hogwarts staff, at least the professors who sat at the staff table in the Great Hall during mealtimes, wanted the answer to the very most.

Tonks bit the inside wall of her cheek and hoped that her eyes did not betray the shock that she felt at the librarian asking such a question of her.

"Um, well," she began, feeling rather awkward as she shifted her gaze to the cold stone floor beneath her boots, suddenly not wanting to meet Madame Pince's hawk-like, piercing gaze as she felt she was being examined, and Tonks was quick to decide she did not like the feeling, thinking that it reminded all too well of Professor Dumbledore's ability to do the same thing, and make her feel as though she were being internally scrutinized, whenever someone looked at her in this manner.

Tonks let out a sigh and continued.

"He—he was…very kind, the school's new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher was. We talked for a while about my position here defending the school and Sirius Black," she breathed, suddenly feeling as though her throat had hollowed and constricted at the mention of her family relation.

_No. Don't go there. Do not bring up Black. You don't want this getting around the school that you two are cousins. It could be seen as a conflict of interest. Only Professor Dumbledore knows the truth and it stays that way. I hope so, at least…_

She ground her teeth, clenching her molars so tightly together that Tonks swore she heard a snap, and the young witch forced herself to take in a deep breath and try to force herself to calm down.

"I explained my reasonings for being here, and Professor Lupin was quite understanding."

Madame Pince slowly nodded her head at all of the information the novice Auror was choosing to divulge, patiently waiting for the girl to continue, but she remained silent, at least until it seemed Tonks was not going to speak without needing prompting first.

"And then?" she prodded.

"And then he…" Tonks began hesitantly, seemingly trying to form the correct words as she recollected the moment that she had turned her back on the older man, how she had practically felt his eyes crawling all over her.

She let out a haggard sigh and reached up a hand to tuck a stray lock of her dark maroon hair back behind her ear where it rightfully belonged.

"And then we both went our separate ways. That was about the time the train arrived at the school, and I did not want to keep him from the feast," she finished rather clumsily before letting out an unrestrained sigh.

It was more or less the truth, and Tonks was not about to tarnish the man's reputation, considering she did not _know_ Remus John Lupin, despite the fact that the Headmaster had more or less ordered their joint collaboration in working together to stop Sirius Black entering the school.

"That was all?" Madame Pince further questioned, her face falling and becoming crestfallen and careworn, her stern voice holding a strange lilt.

Tonks blinked owlishly and slowly lifted her gaze to meet the librarian's.

_Strange_ , she thought, furrowing her brows in contemplation.

It was unusual for Madame Pince, this stern old witch who was known for her formidable personality, to say nothing of her severe-looking appearance, to show any other emotion towards another human being than perhaps Snape and Filch, with any modicum of kindness, so for Hogwarts' librarian to speak in this manner towards her was very, very new. _Strange_.

Tonks nodded her head, wondering where this sudden shift in the librarian's behavior was coming from, and how it was that the entire bloody school, or at least the staff, the other adults, seemed so fixated on mentioning the night on the Hogwarts Express and wanting to know the finer details of the nature of her and Professor Lupin's conversation.

_The conductor_ , she thought wildly, feeling her pale gray orbs widen in shock. _He talked. I—I know he did. He was there, he heard the entire conversation_! _Or Lupin said something to Dumbledore and the Headmaster started this little gossip train_ , her conscience offered as she quickly mumbled a half-hearted thank you under her breath and promptly turned away on the heel of her boot, making a beeline for the Restricted Section, as she wanted to put as much distance between herself and stern old Madame Pince as possible.

As Tonks gingerly stepped over the barrier that separated the Restricted Section from the rest of the library's archives, the young witch allowed herself to sigh in an unrestrained fashion as she craned her neck upward at the shelves, not sure where to start or what, really, to look for.

Tonks picked a random book at her eye-level and plucked it off the shelf, opening the aged book. It smelled warm and dusty, like the inside of an attic.

The fragile old pages almost became delicate snowflakes with the touch of her hand. Most people would have left this book without as much as a backward glance, but she was enthralled.

She appreciated the beauty of an old book. The decrepit book was paved in darkened leatherback, there was no telling how old it could be - maybe fifty, maybe two hundred.

It was withered in its old age and tea stains ran down its pages like a silky black dress. Someone in the distant past had ripped out pages and left a jagged-edged page. It held the past... and Tonks knew it held the future.

Tonks did not bother to stop the dark little chuckle that escaped her lips as her gaze fell on the tea stains, the pads of her fingertips ghosting along with it.

_Old Madame Pince would have no doubt had a horrible stroke or a seizure if she had been around when whoever it was spilled this tea on one of her precious books_.

The young witch looked down at the book in her hands with unease, before clutching it close to her chest and deciding to put it back.

She spotted a ladder nearby and thought that more efficient, wanting to check out the Restricted Section's topmost shelves and didn't feel like using her wand for this next part.

There was something about the physical feeling of satisfaction it gave her to pull a book from the shelf with her own hands.

Tonks felt her brows furrow in confusion as she slowly climbed the rungs of the rickety old wooden ladder, wondering why every teacher in this bloody castle seemed so fixated on that night she had talked to Lupin.

She had met the man exactly _once_ , and it was merely the first week of classes, not even the third day of classes, and already, gossip spread like wildfire.

The teachers, Tonks firmly believed, were under the assumption that there was something brewing between the werewolf and her, but they could not have been more _wrong_.

Tonks froze once her foot reached the last rung and she slid the book back into place, her hand hovering near the spine of another, not even sure if she would find anything in this section that would help her figure out just how the bloody hell her cousin escaped.

Her thoughts, for reasons she did not understand, found themselves drifting once again to Professor Lupin, thinking the werewolf was something of a contradiction, despite having only met him briefly once.

Tonks felt her entire body stiffen and tense, feeling equal parts guilt-ridden and terrified at her initial assessment of the man, at how the others, particularly Albus, seemed to think she was wrong in thinking that due to the nature of his horrible scars, the werewolf was a monstrous man, a _beast_ , and then learning this was not exactly the case when she had talked with Dumbledore in the man's office.

How he was rumored to be quiet. Quiet, timid, reserved, even shy, Tonks thought, mulling it over.

Surely, the man was no fool and could sense the way she had looked at him, and the thought of facing the same man that had initially unnerved her, given the grotesqueness of the poor chap's scars that marred and mauled what would have otherwise been a handsome face, terrified her.

Tonks was fully expecting when the moment would come for her, that Professor Lupin would harbor an adverse reaction, perhaps even hostility, to her apology.

She wasn't so sure _she_ would be so forgiving if she were in that man's shoes and someone had looked at her the way she had to him.

But Tonks had been able to sense no malicious intent in the man's eyes, and when the two of them had talked in the conductor's compartment on the train, Remus John Lupin had been overly cautious in his movements and soft and well-mannered in his speech, she recollected.

His gentleness was completely unexpected, there was no denying that the man was deformed, given the nature of his scars and his lycanthropic condition, which Tonks knew at some point, if they were to work together, she would have to share the truth with Remus, to let him know she knew.

Lupin knew it too. Surely, he had seen the way that she had regarded him, with a look of trepidation and apprehension in her pale gray orbs. His initial shyness towards her that night had been telling enough.

But his light brown eyes were kind, and his warm demeanor, save for that one instant where she'd caught him spying out of the corner of her eye as she had left him alone in the compartment, had strangely put her at ease, and it was only after visiting with the man himself and hearing Professor Dumbledore's opinion of the new DADA teacher that Tonks realized it had been a long time since she met a friendly face.

Unusual though it was.

Tonks bit the inside wall of her cheek and finally selected a book after she gave her head a curt little shake to clear it, keeping her row on the gaze of books in front of her, doing her best to avoid looking down towards the floor, considering how high up she was.

It wasn't that Tonks had a fear of heights, necessarily, but she did not want to inadvertently shake the ladder and cause herself to fall off the ladder and risk injuring herself by breaking her ankle, and quite possibly books to fall from their shelves.

The noise would bring Pince running, and once the librarian saw the mess she would have made of her precious Restricted Section, she would surely be banished from the library for life.

As Tonks leaned forward on the ladder to put the copy of _Secrets of the Darkest Art_ by Owle Bullock back where she had gotten it, she heard a muffled noise that sounded like a light cough, causing Tonks to raise her head in alarm and look back over her shoulder to locate the noise's source.

Tonks squinted her eyes in suspicion, trying to ascertain if anyone else besides her had entered the Restricted Section, but this sequestered section of Hogwarts' massive library, as far as the young Auror could tell, was deserted, save for herself.

Tonks let herself sigh in an unrestrained fashion and shook her head in response to clear it.

_Don't you start this, T. You'll wind up paranoid and always afraid, just like old Broody Moody, and then where will you be?_

The young witch bit down on her tongue, turning back towards the bookcase after doing a brief but thorough scan of the area around her, not seeing anybody, at least, not that she could see, just as Tonks felt the ladder begin to tilt and tip backward.

Tonks let out a muffled yelp and hastily grabbed onto the frame of the bookcase, scrambling clumsily to stop herself and the ladder from falling and fulfilling her self-fulfilled prophecy.

_Oh, my Merlin, Madame Pince is going to bloody murder me for this_! Tonks thought, squeezing her eyes shut, and just as she was regaining her balance, however, the young Auror felt what she knew to be a strong pair of hands take hold of the ladder and push it firmly back against the shelf to its original position, effectively putting a prompt end to Tonks's struggling.

Breathing heavily from the exertion of her near-miss, Tonks immediately swerved her gaze down towards the source of the movement.

_Merlin damn him_ , Tonks thought, feeling her heart begin to sink.

The person on the ground was not exactly who she had been expecting to see.

Her other cousin, a third-year Slytherin student, Draco Malfoy, was craning his neck up at Tonks, regarding her with a smug smirk on his face.

"Hello, Tonks," the thirteen-year-old teenager managed by way of greeting, the corners of his mouth twitching in that insufferable smirk that unpleasantly reminded Tonks of his father, Lucius, and her blood curdled.

"H—hi," Tonks stammered, feeling for the third time at a loss for words, and black spots danced at the edges of her vision.

She hadn't realized she'd felt a little dizzy until now, and she didn't know what to say.

Her cousin had seemingly appeared out of thin air, and Tonks could tell by the way the boy's eyes skittishly darted to the left and right, that he had probably, if she had to guess, not obtained the proper permissions necessary to be in the Restricted Section, especially without supervision.

Tonks huffed in frustration, though she knew Malfoy couldn't hear it as she slid the book back into its proper place and climbed down the ladder, and she was more than a little annoyed when her cousin spoke up.

"That was close," Draco Malfoy laughed, a teasing lilt to his tone that Tonks supposed was meant to be mocking. "I never mistook you for being clumsy, cousin," he grinned, flashing her a disarmingly little white smile.

Tonks blushed furiously, not appreciating the fact that this boy had voiced it out loud.

At least Moody and Kingsley knew not to mention it!

She'd always hated the fact that she wasn't graceful and always falling over herself.

She'd nearly failed Stealth and Tracking during her Auror examinations as a result of her natural-born clumsiness, a trait strictly unique to her, as neither her mum nor her dad possessed such clumsiness.

Her parents would always just tell her that they liked that part of her, that it made her unique and not like everybody else, though more often times than naught, Tonks just wondered if Mum and Dad said that to spare her feelings.

"Yes, well, Mr. Malfoy, appearances are not always what they seem," Tonks retorted coldly, folding her arms across her chest, sighing.

Her words, at the very least, Tonks was pleased to see, had an instant effect on her cousin, whose laughter dyed instantly in his throat.

"You're right, they aren't," he mumbled, pursing his lips into a rather thin line.

It seemed to take him a moment before he spoke again, his inquisitive gaze assessing Tonks's figure in her simple black dress, an observation that did not go unnoticed by her and caused her blood to boil in her veins.

When he did speak up again, his voice was somber and rather quiet. "You're here to guard the school against Sirius Black?" he questioned. When Tonks did not immediately answer him, merely proceeding to turn her back on the young Slytherin and walk down another aisle, he continued. "Father and Mother told me all about you, Nymphadora."

She bristled and balked at the use of her first name. "Just Tonks," she quickly corrected Malfoy, thinking that he could not have known her preferences, given she did not know the boy. "And all _good_ things, I hope, Draco?"

If the boy was surprised by the fact that she knew his name, he hid his stunned demeanor well, as he shook his head, causing her heart to sink.

"Father says you're a blood traitor since your mum married a filthy Mudbl—" he started to say, though Tonks immediately cut Draco Malfoy off.

"Not another _word_ , Draco, you hear me?" Tonks growled in a low voice as she slowly raised her wand and pointed it squarely at his chest. "I _don't_ want to hear that kind of language coming from you, do you understand? School grounds or not, I hear that word or any other equally disgusting insults out of your mouth directed towards me or anyone else, for that matter, I'll jinx you, cousin or not and report such behavior to your Head of House. Have I made myself clear."

When he nodded, she was pleased to see a brief flicker of fear dart across the boy's pallid and slightly gaunt features.

She let out a curt nod and slowly lowered her wand before slipping it into one of her dress pockets.

"Is that why you're back here in the Restricted Section?"

Draco's brows came together in confusion. "What?" he asked, fixing his cousin with a pointed stare that suggested he didn't know what she was talking about, causing Tonks to practically roll her eyes in exasperation.

"You came to see if whatever filthy rumors your father was spreading about my family were true. And _that's_ why you followed me back here? Or did you _truly_ come to pick out a book? And why are you in the Restricted Section in the first place? You're underage, only sixth and seventh years are permitted back here, and even then, you need the proper permissions from a teacher or a Prefect," Tonks questioned, narrowing her eyes in anger.

The furtive, guilty look Draco Malfoy shot her rather pleadingly spelled out the truth in its entirety, that her initial suspicions were correct.

That this boy had somehow managed to give Pince the slip and had snuck back here for a little dark reading.

Tonks merely offered a coy little smile in response to Draco's suddenly awkward stance as the thirteen-year-old Slytherin became nervous, beads of sweat forming on his browbone.

Draco blinked at Tonks, who stood silently waiting to receive her first cousin's answer and struggling to register what the young Auror just said.

"Nobody knows you're back here, _do_ they, Mr. Malfoy? And don't _lie_ to me. I'll know if you're lying," Tonks asked. When again, he did not answer her, too stunned and at a loss for words, she let out a tired sigh and turned away. "Come on, then, before old Pince finds you back here without the proper permissions. Let's get out of here together and we'll make some excuse. You can tell me about this later on."

Draco felt his jaw drop open in shock. His blood traitor cousin was really going to help him get away with sneaking around parts of Hogwarts.

"You're a funny witch, Tonks," Draco mumbled at last, not really sure what else to say in this regard as he followed close behind Tonks's heels.

She inwardly groaned as they headed out of the Restricted Section, wishing the boy would leave her alone in peace, but sensing he wasn't about to, and considering the fact he was her cousin, like it or not, she was not about to be rude to a family member while working, a Malfoy or not.

"I didn't know I was that hilarious," Tonks grumbled darkly under her breath as she heard herself let out another sigh, glancing at the Malfoy boy's rather stupefied expression as he made to follow her to the entrance of the library. "I'll let you off the hook this time, but next time, go through the proper channels and at least get a permission slip, kid, you hear me?"

Tonks watched as Draco gave a silent nod and Tonks placed her hand on the handle of the front doors to open it when a man's voice from behind her spoke up.

"Stop." The voice sounded rough, hoarse, and bitter.

Tonks flinched at the harshness of the command, though she did as the voice asked, having recognized it, and she turned around slowly to find herself face-to-face with none other than Professor Remus Lupin himself.

His cool, unreadable gaze was fixated on her and Draco Malfoy, and Tonks's second impression of the man was that Lupin was looking a little healthier than the last time she had met him on the train, as though he'd had a few good square meals since then, and she was sure it helped that the full moon was ended.

And seeing him face to face in broad daylight, left another impression on Tonks, one she wasn't sure what to make of yet.

Remus Lupin seemed more solid than he had before, and his light brown eyes softened as he met his gaze, though they immediately darkened in annoyance and suspicion as his eyes slowly shifted to Draco Malfoy.

Tonks swore she heard her cousin let out a terrified whimper and ducked behind his older cousin for support, almost trembling in fear of getting detention for being caught in a place where he wasn't supposed to be.

Recognizing Draco as one of his own students, Professor Lupin's expression shifted, turning almost murderous as he strode towards him.

"What were you doing in the Restricted Section, Mr. Malfoy?" said Lupin hoarsely, his voice sounding surprisingly bitterly as the werewolf towered over the two of them, and Tonks knew she was in deep trouble.

Very deep trouble if she could not think of a way to calm him down.

* * *

**A/N: Talk about Harry's 'talent for trouble', what about Tonks'? Seems she's always getting herself into precarious positions, this time is no different! Hopefully, she can calm our favorite DADA Professor down and maybe even start to make amends with Draco Malfoy in the process. Stay tuned for more!**


	5. Hello, Again

**5**

**TONKS** nervously flitted her gaze from Professor Lupin to that of her cousin. She bit the inside wall of her cheek as she took in Draco Malfoy's terrified expression.

How the young Slytherin could barely look his teacher in the eye, or the way that, without even realizing it, his fingers had curled into fistfuls of Tonks's simple black dress, near the waist, as he cowered behind his older cousin.

Tonks weighed her options in silence as she pondered whether or not to help the Slytherin out of this precarious predicament or if she should stay out of this and let him get detention.

She had heard from Professor McGonagall in passing how the Malfoy boy and the Potter boy were something of rivals, with Draco leaning towards the tendencies of a controlling bully.

Though she supposed the fault lay with the boy's parents, particularly the father.

_Lucius_ , Tonks thought bitterly, narrowing her eyes. Just the mention of the known suspected Death Eater's name made her skin crawl.

It was no secret that Tonks did not exactly have a great familial relationship with her mother's side of the family, though she had a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach that, had home life circumstances for Draco turned out better, she suspected the teenager wouldn't be so bitter.

Perhaps it was this that caused her to decide she would cover for her cousin.

Just this once, and he would be well aware of what she was doing for him right now was a one-time offer, or so _help_ him.

If a similar situation like this happened a second time, Tonks decided she would not be so lenient on the boy, first cousin, or not be damned.

Tonks cringed as she saw for herself how Professor Lupin's light brown eyes traveled inquisitively from her pale gray orbs, currently narrowed in slight suspicion and trepidation as to the Defense Against the Dark Arts' teacher's intentions, to her pink-flushed cheeks where Lupin's gaze lingered, settling on her lips.

She flushed even more. It was unsettling to say the least, though she forced herself to ignore the unpleasant churning swooping in the pit of her stomach and focus on the current problem now staring her dead in the eye.

If she could not calm the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor down, there was no telling what would become of her cousin.

_Or_ of her. Tonks repressed a shudder of fear that traveled up and down her spine and took a cautious half-step forward, with Draco nervously copying her movements.

"It was _my_ fault, Professor Lupin. I invited Mr. Malfoy to join me in the Restricted Section to keep me company while I searched for a particular title, don't take this out on Draco," Tonks spoke up, hating hearing the crack and dip in her voice, which caused her to cringe and bite down on her bottom lip.

The second she announced her cover-up and rose her voice slightly to ensure that Draco understood what it was that she was doing for him, she felt his fingers tighten even more on the material of the back of her black dress, and Tonks could practically sense Draco stun in shock at her covering for him.

Though as Draco slowly sidestepped out from behind the young Auror, his face quickly became neutral.

A skill he no doubt learned from his father, if Tonks had to guess, furrowing her brows.

Snakes in the night, the whole lot of the Malfoy family, though she had to believe that there was hope for Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy's only son.

He just needed guidance and a firm hand that was strict and proper, yet not at all abusive.

She could provide Draco with such an experience if only her younger cousin would give her a chance and allowed himself to get to know her.

Tonks lifted her gaze to meet Professor Lupin's and she winced as he pursed his lips into a thin line.

He seemed stunned by the fact that Tonks was covering for Draco, though Lupin quickly recovered as a muscle in his jaw and behind his eye twitched.

"The question was not directed to _you_ ," the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor replied in a rather biting tone, narrowing his eyes as he turned his disapproving gaze towards Tonks. "Don't bother troubling yourself to give Mr. Malfoy here an excuse for his intolerable behavior. Third years are not _allowed_ to be in the Restricted Section. Only sixth and seventh years. Given it has been some time since _you_ were last a student within these walls, you may have forgotten this particular rule of the library, but Mr. Malfoy is aware of this."

Lupin, who had momentarily turned away, seemingly to maintain a grip on his emotions, turned back towards Draco Malfoy with a rather formidable look in his light brown orbs, which Tonks swore darkened the worse his mood became.

Tonks furrowed her brows into a frown as she wracked her brain, trying to remember.

There was no need for Remus Lupin to be so hostile to Draco.

So why then the shift in the man's supposed quiet and reserved demeanor?

The next full moon cycle wasn't due until the end of the month, so why….?

Tonks furrowed her brows in a frown as the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor turned his practically scathing gaze towards Draco behind her.

Who, it should be noted that by this point, was practically quaking where he stood and was looking utterly traumatized and at an utter loss for his words.

Tonks could not blame her young cousin for reacting in this manner.

If truth be told, she herself was feeling rather flustered and not at all how to react, but she was going to be _damned_ if she was going to let the Malfoy boy get punished for saving her fall from the ladder, unauthorized entry into the Restricted Section be damned.

They too, after all, had been kids once.

Merlin only knew _she_ had done more than her fair share of stupid things when she had been enrolled in Hogwarts as a student.

Tonks could tell by the somewhat furtive, guilty look that Remus Lupin was shooting her that he had, perhaps to a lesser extent than she had, been just as much of one, then.

Tonks bit the wall of her cheek and closed her eyes, steeling her nerves, fully prepared to accept Remus Lupin's wrath if it would save her cousin the humiliation of being publicly scolded in front of the other library's patrons.

"Remus, _please_ ," Tonks offered boldly, and she blinked owlishly in surprise at the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor at the shift in his posture, taking note of how his eyes flashed at her using his first name like this.

His strange behavior struck the young Auror as odd, how his posture straightened, and he held himself that little bit taller as his name poured unchecked from her lips.

She flinched, cursing herself for forgetting proper edict.

" _Professor_ ," she attempted to correct herself quickly. "I beg you. Draco Malfoy and I are cousins," Tonks confessed, inwardly cringing at the sheer awkwardness of this unexpected encounter with Mr. Lupin like this. "He meant no harm. He's just a _kid_ , sir. If you're going to scold anyone for what happened then, by all means, _I_ can take it, but let him _go_. He saved me from falling off one of the ladders in the Restricted Section, and if Malfoy here hadn't caught the ladder when he had, there is a very good chance I would be in the Hospital Wing right now getting my broken ankle mended by Madame Pomfrey, sir."

She bit down on her tongue and then her bottom lip as she waited, and Tonks let out an inaudible sigh as she felt Malfoy's ironclad grip on the back of her black dress slacken slightly as he dared to step out from behind his cousin.

Professor Lupin slowly stilled his movements and turned towards Tonks.

He said nothing, at least not at first, and took advantage of this opportunity spent in the awkward silence to simply regard her in silence, his light brown orbs regarding Tonks as though she were a fascinating specimen in a zoo.

Like a creature that famed Magizoologist Mr. Newt Scamander had caught, and Tonks wasn't entirely sure that she appreciated this behavior.

Tonks silently bristled at the strange fellow's countenance, but she firmly held her ground, not blinking or moving a single inch from Draco's side as the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor looked Tonks's figure up and down.

After a heavy moment of silence, Lupin's expression turned languid, as if he had grown rather bored with the turn their conversation had suddenly taken.

"You will _leave_ this library at once," he murmured, seeming to address Draco Malfoy solely, though his steadfast gaze remained fixated on Tonks.

Tonks could not help but wonder what Madame Pince would think of Remus Lupin making demands of her precious library, and out of the corner of her peripherals, Tonks saw her cousin shoot her a nervous look of trepidation before quickly making his way towards the library's front double doors, Tonks trailing close behind, wanting nothing more than to escape this scene quickly.

But before she could make to follow in her cousin's footsteps and bolt for the door, however, Remus Lupin spoke up again, his patience sounding tested.

"Not _you_. A moment of your time, please, miss," he said, sounding rather annoyed and flat, his voice echoing throughout the library as Tonks froze.

Tonks inwardly groaned, running her tongue along the top wall of her teeth as she quickly turned on the heel of her shoe and retraced her steps, though not before shooting one last glance over her shoulder towards Draco, who was lingering in the doorway, a hand on the wall to steady himself, and shooting a concerned look towards his older cousin who had just saved him from most likely spending a night in detention for unauthorized entry into the Restricted Section.

Tonks shot him a look with her eyes that she'd be just fine. She tilted her head and silently gestured for Malfoy to go, that she could handle Remus's temper.

Seeming at least a little satisfied, Tonks emanated a tense breath as Draco Malfoy offered her a curt little nod of what she supposed was meant to be a sign of respect and admiration for covering for her like this before he turned on the heels of his black polished shoes and disappeared.

Tonks watched the doorway for a split second more before she quickly realized that Professor Remus Lupin had not yet spoken to her, and she cursed herself for her own stupidity before turning back around to regard the werewolf, only to find that the young man in his early thirties was _still_ staring at her in this way, unblinking, as if he were in the middle of some deep, concentrated thought.

She was not quite sure what to make of the man's strange behavior if she was being honest with herself.

Tonks let out a sigh through her flaring nostrils, knowing that whatever Professor Lupin wanted of her, it wouldn't be pleasant.

"Professor, please excuse my cousin, sir, Malfoy meant no harm by it, he does not deserve detention for what happened. If you must be angry with anybody, then scream and yell at _me_ if you want. It was _my_ fault the boy was back in the Restricted Section without clearance in the first place, sir," Tonks began hesitantly as she offered a curt incline of her head in slight respect.

Tonks knew she wanted nothing more than to put a quick end to their conversation and head back downstairs to the first floor in time for dinner.

Professor Lupin, however, was not having it and seemed to have other ideas in mind aside from listening to the young woman's abrupt apologies.

He did not answer Tonks at first, ignoring her as if he found her rather pitiful attempt at an apology and a plea to let Draco Malfoy off the hook a bore, and he moved from his position in front of Tonks and passed by her and headed back in the direction that the two of them had just come from.

The Restricted Section.

"You've caused me no small measure of grief," Lupin began slowly.

"Excuse me? I beg your pardon?" Tonks exclaimed sourly as she turned to look towards the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor, feeling her hackles start to rise in defense. She was trying her hardest to be polite, and yet found it difficult.

This was only her second time interacting with her new partner, and already, she was wishing for nothing more than to flee this place, _and_ Lupin.

"I've been looking for you the last two days. I-I don't even know your _name_ ," he murmured, and now it was Tonks's turn to stare at the man as though he were an exotic animal in a zoo, blinking owlishly at the professor. "I don't know if you were made aware of this, but Professor Dumbledore has assigned the pair of us to work together."

"I…it's Tonks," she heard herself whisper in a hoarse voice. "Nymphadora Tonks, Professor, but _don't_ call me Nymphadora. It's Tonks, or if you _insist_ on calling me by my first name, Professor, then call me Dora. And yes, I know. I was coming to find you, actually, and got distracted here in the library instead," she growled, and it was at that moment as a heavy scowl flitted across her features that she felt her hair change from its usual color of a dark maroon pink to a bright, angry red.

Professor Lupin eyed the changing of her hair interestedly, a soft smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, though Tonks could tell by the way the man twitched that the scars that ended at the corner of his mouth and tugged it downwards slightly in a permanent, twisted scowl, that it pulled the skin tight and looked as though it pained him.

"You're a Metamorphmagus," Lupin said in a tone that did not sound accusatory or judgmental, but rather, impressed.

Tonks offered a silent nod by way of response, inclining her head so that a lock of her now-reverted dark pink hair tumbled in front of her face as she turned away.

"Will my abilities be a _problem_ in our partnership?" she asked stiffly, unable to keep the note of bitterness from seeping into her quiet tones.

The young Auror tried her hardest to quell the gasp of shock and minor fear as she looked upon his face as his head whiplashed sharply upward towards her general direction and away from the book he had absentmindedly flipped open, pretending to read it, though Tonks wasn't fooled.

She _saw_ him looking. She drew in a sharp breath that pained her lungs as his eyes slowly wandered the entire length of her body, a fact Tonks did not appreciate, before coming to rest and settling on her eyes.

The intensity of his gaze unnerved her.

"No. It is simply just that I have never met a Metamorphmagus before, you are the first," he simply answered, however, Tonks could hear the anger in the man's tones.

In her mind, she wondered if she had offended him just by asking.

He said nothing more to her at first, which gave her an opportunity to take advantage of the silence by thinking that, as she refused to be the first one to avert her gaze if she focused hard and long enough, Tonks could see the shadow of the handsome man that Professor Remus John Lupin was, or _would_ have been, were he not cursed with such a horrible affliction.

He was not a handsome bloke, admittedly, but something about his kindness was endearing.

_Should I tell him_?

She itched to tell the man that Albus had informed her of his condition, though the more rational side of her brain capable of logical thought not dominated by emotions told her to wait, that it was _his_ news to share, just as her news to share with her new partner that Black was her familial cousin, was _hers_.

Tonks felt a tremor of nervousness waft up and down her spine as she continued her silent staring of the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor, fully aware that staring in this manner was _rude_ , and she recognized she was probably making the poor chap uncomfortable as he meandered through the Restricted Section, with Tonks trailing close behind at her heels and wringing her hands together, wishing whatever it was that he wanted of her, he would just _say_ it.

The young witch drew in a deep shuddering breath and looked towards the rows upon rows of books that lined the aisle of the library to the left and right, continuing to cast nervous glances towards Professor Lupin in silence.

Lupin stood an inch or two shy of 6'2, maybe even 6'3. Much taller than her, and even trailing behind him like this, Tonks felt dwarfed. She was lucky enough to be 5'4 or 5'5 on a good day _if_ she wore her boots with the heels.

She slowly found it easier to look at the poor chap's scars as time passed.

_Definitely not handsome, but rugged_ , she thought, biting down on her lip hard.

"Why were you back here in the Restricted Section, Tonks?"

Professor Lupin finally broke the silence by asking her the question that was burning on the tip of his tongue just begging to be asked, and when he turned back around to look Tonks squarely in the eyes, she blinked.

No doubt registering the perplexed expression on her face, Professor Lupin merely proceeded to smile in a way that suggested to the young witch as though he were enjoying some private joke with himself, though Tonks found herself answering honestly the question he had just posed to her, despite her conscience screaming at her to lie to him.

_No. I can't do that to him. He's done nothing wrong to warrant our partnership getting off to a bad start_ , she thought as she furrowed her eyebrows.

"I was searching for something that might aid the two of us in our search for Sirius Black, sir," Tonks answered airily, pursing her lips in a thin line as she studied the man out of the corner of her eye, turning away slightly so the man could only see her side profile.

She watched, intrigued, as he fumbled the book he had been holding and almost dropped it. She raised her eyebrows at him.

Tonks truthfully did not know what she had been expecting, though such a reaction of shock at the mention of Sirius Black's name was…not exactly it.

"Do you know him, Professor Lupin?" Tonks asked in what she hoped was a nonchalant and casual, unaccusatory tone as she purposefully turned away.

His reaction was not at all what she had been expecting at her follow up question. Instead of looking irritable or angry with the young witch for her questions, he seemed to stop to a complete standstill, a book clutched in hand.

His expression turned into one of mild surprise intermingled with irritation.

After a moment, Tonks could swear she saw a look of regret in his light brown orbs, but it was so subtle she could never know for certain if it was.

"I thought I did. Once. A long time ago," Lupin responded quietly, his gaze still lingering on her, the book in his hands now long forgotten by now.

"Were you friends?" Tonks pressed gingerly, hoping she was not overstepping any invisible boundaries by asking of her new partner such an intrusive question.

She bit the wall of her cheek, waiting for him to respond.

Professor Lupin merely proceeded to raise his eyebrows at this sudden outburst and looked only blankly towards Tonks, which only confused her.

Why on Merlin's green earth was Remus Lupin acting this way towards her?

These were a standard series of questions that she had to ask. It was her _job_.

He was behaving in such a detached way, and Tonks did not like it at all.

She swallowed down hard past the lump in her throat and inclined her head, that one stubborn curl of her hair falling in front of her eyes as she did so, effectively shielding Remus Lupin's reaction from her line of sight.

"Yes…."

Tonks swiveled her head sharply upward and gaped open-mouthed and wide-eyed at Remus, surprised to hear the man confess the truth so soon into their partnership, though she had not forgotten he still needed to come clean about the nature of his condition.

Though before she could ask any more questions, Professor Lupin pivoted on his heel and turned towards Tonks again.

"I _thought_ that I was. He was my best friend a long time ago. I did not…"

His voice trailed off for a long moment and Professor Lupin looked away for a second, seeming to need a minute to rein his emotions back under his control.

It seemed to take him an eternity to find his voice again, and when he did manage to speak to Tonks, his voice was full to the brim with a hurt betrayal.

Antagonized hurt, and it caught Tonks by surprise and off her guard.

"I did not think Sirius capable of the monstrosities he was arrested for. I thought I knew the man, but I can see now that I did not know him at all," Remus spoke up quietly, finally finding it within himself to meet her gaze.

Tonks nodded mutely in understanding, though all the while that the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor spoke of his past connection with Azkaban's escaped convict, she could not help but wonder if she should tell him of her connection to Sirius and why she held a vested interest in capturing Black.

She still harbored a twinge of caution towards this man, this werewolf.

And deep within the recesses of her heart, she hated herself for it, though she knew it was merely her wariness speaking of all the horrible stories she had been told of werewolves, throughout school, and in Auror training as well, too.

Tonks saw Lupin physically stiffen as their gazes locked, neither one wanting to be the first to pull away.

There was an awkward and long pause before Remus continued, seemingly wanting to steer the conversation elsewhere.

"May I ask you a few things, Tonks?" he asked, and she shuddered.

It was the first time Professor Lupin had called her by her name, and it sent a tremor of something down her spine.

It wasn't necessarily unpleasant, but it wasn't unwanted either, though before she could ponder it further, she nodded.

Tonks nodded again.

"Of course. Professor," she quickly added, trying to remember her manners if a little defensively as she allowed the older man to steer her out of the Restricted Section and towards the library's front doors.

"Why do you think Professor Dumbledore chose to pair the two of us together?" Professor Lupin asked calmly, glancing at Tonks sideways out of the corner of his eye, though there was a strange cold, calculating look within him.

She was not entirely sure what to make of it.

"Because I was given this position by Professor Dumbledore, sir," Tonks stammered, a light pink blush speckling along her cheeks. "I can't say much more as to why..."

Clearly, then, Albus had informed Remus of his decision to have the two work together.

_That must be why he sought me out, she thought. To tell me the nature of our new partnership_ , she thought tiredly.

Professor Lupin did not seem so satisfied with her answer.

"And why do you think that is?" he pressed, wrenching the door open and holding it for her. "After you," he murmured politely, dipping his head as a sign of respect to her.

His nonchalant gaze was now turning rather intense as he proceeded to stare at her as they paused in the corridor just outside of the library's front doors.

Tonks tried and failed not to observe Madame Pince practically craning her neck from where she sat at her desk to silently spy on the pair of them now.

Tonks could not shake the feeling that Remus Lupin had somehow turned the tables on her and now he was the one asking the questions and interrogating her and yet at the same time, it felt as though Lupin were actively listening.

She didn't quite know how she felt about that.

"I, er, well, you _are_ the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor, and it's no secret among those in the Auror Office that I'm dead clumsy. I suspect the Headmaster gave me this post to keep out of peoples' way. I believe I'm a nuisance on any other floor other than the first floor. Too many stairs to fall down and injure myself. I believe Professor Dumbledore paired us together so that someone trustworthy could keep an eye on me, make sure I don't attempt anything too rash," Tonks joked weakly.

She let out a soft albeit nervous chuckle and tucked a strand of pink hair back behind her ear where it belonged.

But her attempt at a joke to diffuse the tension between the two of them fell flat and there was a long pause before Professor Lupin asked another question.

The intensity in his eyes seemed to lift just then and soften a bit.

Only to be replaced by something more than a little vague, and Tonks was unable to put his reaction into words and this both puzzled and angered her.

Tonks had expected Professor Lupin to be pleased with the self-deprecation, much like everyone else in her life, save for her parents, constantly annoyed at her state of natural clumsiness, but instead, Lupin looked offended and curious.

"Do you truly hold such a _low_ opinion of yourself, Tonks?" he asked, his tone grim.

Tonks silently bristled.

"No, I _don't_ , Remus," she murmured, barely repressing her smile at the lock of shock and surprise on the professor's face as she used his first name for the first time since their newfound acquaintance.

She was beginning to feel a little perturbed.

Why was Remus asking her all these questions? Why was the man even _speaking_ with her?

Surely, he had papers to grade, lectures to prepare, other things to occupy his time other than speaking with a lowly Auror fresh off the training program this dull evening?

Tonks had (perhaps incorrectly so) assumed that after their initial awkward encounter on the train and the cold way she had treated him, he would be done with her and that was that, though something about his presence now set her on edge.

"I am a relatively new Auror to the Ministry's ranks and have never gone after an escaped convict, let alone one of Black's skill before," she continued, hearing how defensive she sounded. "It is simply a fact, Remus."

"You've a talent for trouble, in other words," Professor Lupin concluded, his voice amused but sharp, though not exactly angered with Tonks. "I suppose I shouldn't find that surprising, considering it took me two days to find you."

Tonks had not realized this, but despite her countenance and determination to remain as professional and stoic as possible towards the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor, she had forced her gaze away from Remus.

Recognizing she was being incredibly rude, she quickly looked up. Only to find that Professor Lupin was smiling at her, and Tonks would have replied, though she could not shake the feeling the man sounded hurt.

As if she had found his weak spot, whatever that spot for him happened to be.

"I apologize for that. My guard duties kept me from finding you, Remus."

He inclined his head, silently communicating to the young witch that he understood, and as Tonks made to head towards the stairwell, quickening her pace and wanting to leave as soon as possible, she heard him call out again.

"Wait. Tonks. A moment." His voice was subdued, and there was something unidentifiable laced within the man's tone that she couldn't place.

Professor Lupin's tone was low, somber, almost sounding…remorseful, though why that was, she didn't have time to place it as she froze on the top step of the Grand Staircase, unable to ignore the churning, swooping feeling in the pit of her stomach any longer as it snarled and growled, demanding food.

Her expression as she turned at the topmost step and met the Defense Against the Dark Art's Professor's gaze was one of shock and utter disbelief.

She had anticipated that he had wanted to put an end to their conversation as quickly as possible, just as she did, though this appeared to not be the case.

"Yes? Is there something I can do for you, Professor Lupin?" Tonks asked shyly in what she hoped was a cordial tone, though there was no mistaking the nervousness laced throughout her voice, and she cursed herself, biting the inside wall of her cheek.

She could not help wondering what the coming weeks of Professor Dumbledore essentially forcing their hands at a partnership would bring.

There was important work to be done surrounding the grim matter of her own cousin's capture, and Tonks needed her wits and brevity about her.

Given what she knew now about Remus John Lupin, how he and Sirius Black had once been friends, he had more reason, she believed, to be concerned over the man's capture than she did. She was little more than a disgruntled family member.

She wondered if, when the time came, if Sirius would remember her, as she remembered him, though the memory of Black was fleeting, like a ship straining to see a light in a storm.

She just…couldn't.

Why, then, was she so damned bloody _nervous_? Why was she staring at him?

Didn't she know it was rude and to stop it before she made the man uncomfortable? Why was she finding it so hard to breathe in his presence?!

She looked timidly up towards Professor Lupin and waited for him to speak.

Tonks stood, unmoving and as lifeless as a statue, and finally, Remus was able to take in the quiet subtlety of Nymphadora Tonks's beauty.

For a moment, he simply stared at her like she was a goddess, and his only wish was to worship at her feet. Professor Dumbledore had been right that she would be here.

The words were out of his mouth before he could think of stopping it.

"Join me in the Great Hall for dinner?" he asked, shyly offering the young witch his arm. He shot her a soft, albeit crooked smile due to the nature of the man's grotesque scars that inwardly made her flinch, though she hoped it wasn't evident on her face. "It's the _least_ you can do, Tonks, considering I spared young Mr. Malfoy from spending a Saturday evening in detention, isn't it?"

A sigh of surprise left her lips the moment the words were out of his mouth. Tonks quickly returned the professor's smile, suddenly feeling a bit foolish and accepted the offer of his arm, though not with minor trepidation on her part. If he noticed it, the man said nothing as her arm wound around his.

Remus must have sensed her initial hesitation, for his smile widened slightly, stretching the skin near his scars and he grimaced, and Tonks couldn't help but to flinch, wondering if it would always pain him in this manner or not.

"I promise. Just a meal and nothing more. If we're going to work together, don't you think we owe it to ourselves to get to know each other better?"

"Yes. Of course. I…would like that very much, Remus."

The words left her mouth without any hesitation on her part, for which she was surprised, and she offered a curt nod of her head.

She furrowed her brows into a frown.

"But you're forgetting something important, Remus," she murmured.

Now it was Professor Lupin's turn to shoot her an incredulous look of disbelief as he regarded her out of the corner of his eye as they walked down the staircase as the staircases shifted and changed.

"Which is?" he clarified.

Tonks found his confusion rather endearing, and this time, she did not bother to stifle the small white smile that tugged at the corners of her lips.

"Call me Dora."

The smile he graced her with was well worth it, though her last thought as she allowed herself to be escorted down the Grand Staircase and towards the Great Hall, where the staff and students were gathered for dinner, and would no doubt see her arm-in-arm with a Hogwarts Professor.

No doubt this decision would start causing the gossiping tongues to wag over the nature of an implied and inappropriate relationship between a professor and the young witch who was barely twenty-one, with a man several years her senior though still quite young in his early thirties, was a poignant one.

_I hope this is not a mistake…_

* * *

**Finally, he knows her name! :-) Hopefully, their partnership gets off to a decent start, but knowing me and my love for drama llamas when it comes to storytelling techniques, it might be a bit before they're sharing their deepest, darkest secrets with one another! Coming up in Ch. 6, another Remadora moment! :)**


	6. Sprout's Sprig of Advice

**6**

**UNBEKNOWST** to Tonks, she was not alone in questioning the new development of what had just happened. Remus left the library with Tonks on his arm just as equally stunned as the young witch, but he was also embarrassed at what had happened.

Letting out a haggard breath, Professor Lupin lifted his free hand to his brow as he felt his temples start to hurt with a splitting headache.

This was only the second time he had been in the presence of this young witch, and he resisted the urge to growl in frustration as he escorted the young woman out of Hogwarts' library and towards the Grand Staircase to head downstairs for dinner.

This was _twice_ now in this strange creature's presence that Remus seemed to lose his nerve and act out irrationally, so much so that he hardly seemed to be in control over what he was doing, what he was thinking, even.

He could not understand it.

He had no _reason_ to be rattled by her presence, but every time he saw her, he just—oh, Merlin's Beard, he _never_ should have paid the young witch any mind when he met her that night on the school train.

Lupin should have just left the young witch to her devices and that was that.

It was utterly nonsensical. The moment he had walked into the library and requested after Madame Pince for the head librarian to tell him where the woman was, she had pointed towards the area of the Restricted Section with an odd little smirk on her face, with Remus unable to shake the feeling he'd be paying for this impromptu visit to the library later, no doubt facing questions from the rest of the staff, particularly the Hogwarts Headmaster, who'd want an update on his progress.

Remus had not anticipated finding the Malfoy boy near Miss Tonks.

It wasn't like he was necessarily ashamed he had spoken to the Malfoy boy in an authoritative manner, though the revelation that Nymphadora Tonks and Draco Malfoy were cousins was admittedly surprising, by the time he had begun to come to his senses, he began to speak to her in the way he ought to have, as every professor did towards a fellow colleague, with _respect_.

And he had, just now, though he had not anticipated almost losing his temper with Draco Malfoy.

And given the fact that he wanted the young witch to join him in the Great Hall for dinner, for Merlin only knew _why_ , considering what he knew of the Auror and his newly appointed partner, with her prickly nature, she was _hardly_ going to want to endure a night of his company if he had basically barked at her and allowed the Wolf within himself to take control.

At the thought of the Wolf within, Remus furrowed his brows into a frown and became wracked with an immense weighted guilt on his shoulders.

_I need to tell her, and soon if we're going to work together, but… when?_

He thought he deserved to dig up a hole in Hagrid's pumpkin patch and bury himself in it for his stupidity.

He'd not thought this part through at all.

This woman, this creature, Nymphadora Tonks was unlike any human that he had ever encountered before, and this was not necessarily in a good way, either.

Remus had only been in Tonks's presence twice now, and yet, each time, the man seemed to forget who he was, even, who she was. It was nerve-wracking, disconcerting and made him feel on edge.

Tonks made him feel… _Nervous_.

He startled at this revelation, halting at the third floor mezzanine, almost barreling over poor Tonks in the process, who shot him a quizzical look with furrowed eyebrows, though she said nothing in response, for which he was glad.

Remus had never suffered from such problems before, though in times past, he had always pushed women away for fear of getting too close to them.

They could not know what he was, how he would harm them, though considering Professor Dumbledore had more or less forced both of their hands to work together for the duration of the school year to capture Sirius, he was going to have to know this young witch holding his arm, like it or not.

Remus was pulled from his swirl of conflicting thoughts as Tonks beside him made no move to relinquish her arm from his, for which he was secretly glad, and it did not escape his inquisitive attention a few students passing by the pair of adults as the ascended the Grand Staircase noticed the pair walking in tandem, a few snickers behind their backs, though he ignored them for now.

"I'm sorry about Black, Professor," Tonks told him softly, her fingers squeezing even tighter around the sleeve of his brown jacket a fraction tighter.

Lupin, for reasons he could not quite explain, felt his heart pound harder against his chest and a strange heat crept onto his cheeks at the Auror's words.

"Thank you," he murmured, dipping his head as a show of respect. "I am too," he sighed, slowly swiveling his head to look in Tonks's general direction. "Sorry for the man that my old friend has become, and sorry that I could not help the man sooner. Were that I could have, I'd have done so in a heartbeat, but…"

But he was finding it increasingly difficult to speak of his old friend as his throat hollowed and constricted and he forced himself to look away from the young witch's gaze a moment.

He was saved the trouble of responding by her soft voice reaching his ears as they continued down the Grand Staircase at a leisurely, almost snail's pace, for which Remus was grateful.

In his mind, he wanted more time to linger with the young woman, not all that eager to head towards the Great Hall for dinner, though Lupin was admittedly starving.

"There's something…that I think you should know," Tonks began hesitantly, feeling her breaths hitch in her throat and Remus watched her posture stiffen as the young, pink-haired witch turned towards him and bit her lip. "I…"

Her voice trailed off as she glanced towards Lupin out of the corner of her eye.

Worry wormed its way into her stomach as she pondered just when to tell her new partner the truth, that she and Sirius Black were actually cousins.

Her stomach twisted and turned into knots, hard coils, making her feel slightly physically sick to her stomach and suddenly, not all that hungry for dinner, though she had made good on her promise to join him for a meal.

"Sirius and I…" Tonks began hesitantly, fidgeting with her fingers skittishly.

Remus froze, hoping his expression remained passive and neutral, wondering if this was the moment when she would confess to him the truth, and he would not let on that Dumbledore had already confided in him the nature of Tonks and Sirius's relationship, and he would act surprised and endure it.

For _her_. He startled, pondering this revelation about his chosen course of action.

He really was pulling all the stops out for this young woman, wasn't he?

"Tonks?"

He spoke with great care so as to not seem demanding or hurt when the young witch did not immediately speak up and say what was on her mind.

"What's wrong? You aren't looking so good. Has something happened?"

He paused, unsure of himself and wondering as to whether or not it was even his place to ask after her, considering this was but the second time they had met and the longest the two of them had ever engaged in a conversation.

Remus gazed at his new partner as the pair of them stepped off the final step of the Grand Staircase, hovering just outside the entrance to the Great Hall, though neither made the first move to cross that threshold to join the rest of the Hogwarts staff and students for dinner.

He looked at the young witch clutching onto his arm with no small amount of trepidation and concern for her wellbeing, and for perhaps the first time since their encounter in the library, she looked away from him, pursing her lips into a thin line, which was not a good sign, Remus knew almost instantaneously and frowned.

Instead, Nymphadora Tonks merely proceeded to settle her gaze on one of the many portraits that littered the stone walls of the castle, keeping whatever expression she wore out of Lupin's vision.

This was not exactly a promising sign, he knew this, and he knew better than to provoke the young woman, to goad her into a response as to the nature of her relationship with Sirius before she was ready, but still, he wanted her to trust him, and the fact that she did not appear to, bothered him more than he knew.

After several moments of a heavy and thick tension, silence between the two new partners, Tonks finally found her voice and let out a tired little sigh.

"It is nothing, Professor. Nothing that you need to worry over, Remus," she answered at last before finally gingerly removing her arm from his grasp.

When she pulled away, Remus swore he saw a shadow of regret flit across her pale, heart-shaped face as she moved towards the Great Hall to head inside.

Lupin felt his stomach drop and his knees start to go weak as his face became drained of colors. He felt the fear start to well up within the confines of his chest.

If Tonks was not comfortable opening up to him and confiding in him pertinent information that would help aid them in Sirius's capture, then there was no possible way that their new partnership could possibly lead to something good.

_You're one to talk_ , his conscience spoke up in a snakelike voice that sounded, once again, entirely too much like Severus Snape's voice for Remus's comfort.

_You can't even bring it within yourself to tell her about your problem_!

Lupin ground his teeth together in annoyance and let out the tiniest of growls from within the confines of his chest, low enough so _she_ didn't hear him.

Without his partnership with this new young witch to occupy his time while he aided the young woman in Sirius Black's capture in between his responsibilities as teacher here, what would he do when the memories and painful emotions came flooding back to him?

If Remus had nothing to distract himself from the tormented confines of old times, and from Sirius, he feared the thoughts of his old friend's betrayal would consume him, and then he'd have nothing left at all.

Professor Lupin felt a rush of emotions hit him squarely in the chest, as though he had been hit by a solid Knockback Jinx: hurt, anger, confusion, betrayal, devastation.

His new partner was _blocking_ him, effectively keeping him from a truth that he already knew, though that aspect of it was beside the point.

The words she had spoken to him just now had not sounded like her at all, the tone she had uttered the words in was entirely too flat and emotionless, not sad, upset, or even devastated at the prospect of revealing her relationship to Sirius to him, if that was what she had even been about to confess in the first place.

She'd spoken those words to him as if trying to keep whatever Tonks was truly feeling out of her tone and out of sight.

His wretched, wolfish, miserable sight. His chest tightened inexplicably, and his throat hollowed and constricted.

What could be bothering his new partner so much that she sought to hide it from him? He didn't know, and Remus did not know how to begin to help her.

Tonks flinched the moment the words were out of her mouth, though she knew she had no choice.

She just could not bring herself to tell her new partner so early on into their partnership that what she was doing was considered a conflict of interest, that she and Sirius were related by blood.

He was her _cousin_.

Sirius Black had been Remus Lupin's best friend, for Merlin's sake! Tonks felt her stomach drop and her knees go weak as she ducked her head in shame.

She had always dreamed of such a position, as an Auror, and the youngest to have been taken on in the last few years.

Tonks felt this opportunity to apprehend Sirius Black mostly on her own terms was the very role for which she had been born. Tonks was _good_ at her job. _Loved_ her job.

After all that she had endured during training, she bloody needed this job to prove her worth to them.

The ones at the Auror Office that laughed at her, mocked her due to her age, told her she'd be killed within the year.

Tonks felt the fear well up within. The young witch felt certain that the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor over ten years older than her would not possibly understand her reasons.

Tonks _hated_ lying, especially if it was to someone who had done her no wrong, as Remus Lupin had done.

All her new partner had done to her was invite her to dinner, and if this pattern of behavior continued, of her keeping _secrets_ from the man, then there was no doubt in her mind, this 'thing' wouldn't work.

Except… _this_.

He could not know, not yet. Not until after she had caught Black.

What on Merlin's green earth and in the name of His saggy left buttock would she tell Professor Lupin anyways?

_Oh, yes, Professor, Black and I are cousins, and when all of this is over, we can all sit down over tea and chat, yes?_

Oh. That would go over _swimmingly_ well.

As good a man as Remus Lupin seemed to be, he would most likely encourage her to find a different partner, wouldn't he?

Sirius Black had been the man's _best friend_ , after all. It was only natural the professor would surely feel conflicted over apprehending an old friend.

The man would insist on it once the truth came to light, of this Tonks was fairly confident.

Though what was strange, Tonks puzzled in quandary as she felt her brows come together in a light frown as she actively avoided her new partner's pained stare, was that she did not want Professor Dumbledore to appoint her a new partner.

Far from it, in fact. She could not explain it, but she liked Remus.

The man's voice pulled her out of her swirl of muddling, confusing thoughts, laced to the brim with antagonized hurt, that Tonks couldn't stand it.

"Nothing?" Professor Lupin's now devastated quiet, reserved tones brought the young witch out of her struggling mind.

She winced, biting the wall of her cheek. It was like hearing a wounded dog scream in pain after it had been kicked by its master who'd previously showed no signs of aggression towards the dog.

Tonks exhaled a shuddering breath and slowly lifted her head to meet Lupin's gaze, and this was made even more awkward and worse for her than it already was when the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor spoke to her again.

"Have I done or said something to displease you, Miss Tonks?" Remus asked quietly, his voice sounding utterly confused. "I can assure you, any oversight on my part was completely unintentional," Professor Lupin began hesitantly.

"Just Tonks," Tonks murmured quietly, a light pink blush creeping at a rapid pace onto her cheeks, flushing them high with color. "A—and no, I…"

Though her voice cracked and faltered off upon hearing the amount of wounded hurt within the man's somewhat shy and timid tones.

Tonks knew she had cut him, wounded him more deeply than the Sectumsempra Charm ever could by not being straightforward and honest with her new partner just now.

But this was not something she could discuss at length with Professor Lupin.

Not now. Not yet. Given this was the second time of her interacting with the man, Remus John Lupin could have no knowledge, none whatsoever, of her perilous plight.

In order to protect him, she would have to shield from him the nature of her and Sirius's relationship.

She could not explain it, but Tonks knew she cared for Hogwarts' Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor. Dumbledore was right.

_He really is a kind and gentle soul_ , Tonks thought, albeit rather sadly.

"Professor Lupin, I…." Tonks began, biting the wall of her cheek and running her tongue along the top wall of her teeth, turning to face him completely only to find that was even worse than hearing the man's injured voice.

" _Remus_ , Tonks," he murmured, echoing her sentiment from not even a half second ago. "Just Remus. I am _not_ your professor," he muttered darkly.

Sensing the hurt brimming in Tonks's eyes, Lupin flinched and immediately stammered, trying to correct himself for how harsh and bitter his outburst just sounded.

"I…I apologize, Tonks, if I overstepped a boundary by asking you to join me for dinner this evening. If you are not comfortable with that, then I apologize…"

The note of bitterness and self-loathing in the man's normally quiet tone was unmistakable, and the young witch was not sure what to make of it at all.

Tonks blinked owlishly at the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor and werewolf in shock, taken aback by the man's sudden shift in his countenance and his sudden biting remark towards her wanting to maintain a proper boundary, given the nature of their working relationship.

He was, after all, a professor, and she, only twenty years old, barely graduated from Hogwarts a few years now.

She drew in a sharp breath that pained her lungs, willing her mind to try to convince herself that what she was doing by not disclosing the full truth to him for now was the best course of action to ensure the man's safety and not get hurt.

Her fists balled tightly against her despair, her chest heaving for calmness, and when Tonks exhaled a shuddering breath and lifted her chin and jutted it out slightly, forcing herself to meet the older man's gaze, Tonks immediately froze.

His lined and grotesque face was partially turned from her, so that she could only see the man's side profile, looking at her from the corner of his right eye.

As he sanguinely lifted his head and tilted it to the right slightly, allowing the young witch to get a better look at the expression pulling the skin around the man's jagged pink and red scars that littered the man's face taut around his brow, she flinched, thinking that his light brown eyes almost seemed… _darker_ right now.

A thick lock of the man's light brown hair, having been freshly trimmed, probably courtesy of Professor McGonagall or maybe even old Sprout, if Tonks had to hazard a guess, fell in front of his eyes, shielding the hurt that was plain as day within his eyes from the young witch, wounding Tonks more than anything.

His shoulders slumped forward and the moment he did that, it was as if the professor had created a wall between them, and Tonks felt her heart plummet to the pit of her churning stomach and the witch felt as if she were going to be sick.

"Remus, then, I—I don't mean to…to do this to you, I just…" Tonks began, hearing the faltering crack and dip in her voice as she reached out a gentle hand to place upon the man's shoulder and give it a light, reassuring squeeze, hoping to convey to the professor that she did not intend to wound him like this.

Though before she could, it was as if the man held within himself a sixth sense, and perhaps it was related to his lycanthropy or not, she couldn't tell, but he sidestepped her and started down the corridor and bypassed entering into the Great Hall faster than Tonks could blink an eyelid.

Tonks's hand was now left suspended in midair that Professor Lupin's shoulder had only just resided in, then.

Tonks swallowed down hard past the lump in her throat, feeling bitter acidic bile rising in her throat and all she wanted to do was stomp her foot and scream.

Bloody Merin's beard, could she do nothing right?! What had she done?

Tonks gritted her teeth together in frustration and did the only thing her body would allow her to do.

Using the cold stone wall as a support brace, her hands behind to support herself, she gingerly lowered herself to the floor and let out a sigh of defeat and buried her head in her knees, pulling her legs close to her chest.

" _Damn_ ," she swore, hissing the word through gritted teeth and locked jaw.

A heavy hand found its way back to her face. The poor woman was practically hysterical at this point.

She had, for better or worse, scared the man off only a day into their new partnership.

This _had_ to be some kind of a record.

Her lungs burned as the biting air of the cold thrashed in and out of Tonks at a speed the young witch could simply not control, though not for lack of trying.

The thundering of her heart rattling against its cage of cartilage and bone numbed her chest. She was sure slick tears would slip from her lids at any second.

Tonks tried in vain to swallow hard and fight down the salty liquid, preventing its escape, not wanting any teacher or student to see her cry just outside of the Great Hall.

Her hand fell limply to her side and suddenly, she wished she could just cut off the offending limb.

She doubted she'd feel a thing.

The only man who could have possibly helped aid in her capture of Black, she had driven him away, and she was the one at fault and responsible for it.

Merlin _damn_ her. _She_ was the one who had pushed the professor away.

And now, there would be no chance of fixing what she had done just now. Fighting the bitter tears that stung and pricked at the corners of her vision, she battled them.

She had bloody cried enough; she wasn't about to do it again!

Her lungs, starved for breath, gasped in oxygen but it burned them with its purity as her chest heaved and fought to regain sweet, precious air to her lungs.

_I—I'm so sorry, Lupin_ , Tonks thought, squeezing her eyes shut and repressing the urge to scream like a wailing banshee, which would no doubt bring the entire castle running once they heard that noise.

Why hadn't she just told the man the truth?! Professor Lupin had been forthcoming with her regarding the nature of his relationship with Sirius, though not of his lycanthropy, though that in it of itself was another matter entirely, and a problem for a different time and place, though first, she owed it to Remus Lupin to try and apologize to him.

_Again_ , she thought bitterly, sniffing, and wiped at the edge of her nose with her sleeve.

"Miss Tonks?"

A woman's voice, laced with concern, pulled her from her dark swirling vortex of confused thoughts that threatened to engulf her entirely.

Tonks inwardly groaned and sanguinely lifted her head. This was perhaps one time where she did not actively want to seek out another individual's company.

She had a feeling once she told whomever it was what had happened, whichever teacher happened to be checking on her, that she would be scolded for the way she had blatantly _lied_ to their Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, and that was _not_ particularly a conversation Tonks looked forward to having.

Her lungs, at the very least, had calmed substantially, the burning feeling subsiding.

Slowly, Tonks blinked her lids as she craned up at the new arrival.

_Merlin damn me to the seven hells below, ugh, why me_?! She thought, biting the inside wall of her cheek as she found herself face to face with Sprout.

Tonks did not know exactly whom she had been expecting who would even think to come and check on her, but to say that the young witch had not been expecting her old Head of House, Ponoma Sprout, to be the one to find her here in this awkward position, slumped to the floor outside the Great Hall, was not it.

Professor Sprout merely shook her head and pursed her lips into a thin line as she stared at her former student, and admittedly, one of her best and brightest.

She knew exactly what was happening to the young woman because she had seen the same process again and again throughout her numerous years of teaching Herbology and acting as Head of Hufflepuff House here at Hogwarts.

By keeping busy, by remaining focused on a particular task, the witch would have less time to feel the pain of whatever was troubling her, the loneliness that came from being secluded from family and friends.

Miss Tonks could forget, if she were focused on something entirely different, and Professor Sprout had a feeling that that 'something' was the matter of her cousin, a topic widely discussed among the teachers at the staff table during mealtimes and in the lounge between classes.

Ponoma furrowed her thick gray brows into a frown and knelt into a crouch, somewhat of a difficult position for her considering how short and stout the older witch was.

Tonks, puzzled, quirked a brow at her old Head of House in quandary.

"Is everything all right, dear?" asked Professor Sprout, who did not hesitate to reach out a hand and feel the maroon-haired witch's forehead, not liking how peaky and clammy the girl looked, seeing the beads of sweat on her browbone.

"I—I, oh y—yes, Professor Sprout, everything just fine!" Tonks replied brightly, her hand gripping around the handle of her wand and clutching the book she had not realized she'd walked out of the library with without checking it out until she glanced down at the book in her hands and her pale face drained.

_Oh, Pince is going to bloody murder me_! Tonks thought, feeling a stab of fear prick at her heartstrings at the thought of what that cantankerous old bat would say when she returned to the library to return the book she'd accidentally stolen, so engrossed in her conversation with Lupin, she hadn't noticed!

"Pomona, dear, Pomona! You are no longer my student and responsibility, Nymphadora, therefore you are now my _equal_ , my dear! I would say that has granted you the right to call me by my first name, wouldn't you agree?"

She let out a sigh and outstretched her hand to help the poor young woman up.

Professor Sprout watched as the young witch hesitated for a fraction of a second, but only a moment before silently slipping her hand into Sprout's and allowing the aging, older witch to help her up off the floor, with Professor Sprout slightly grunting with the effort to do so.

Sprout sighed and brushed her hands on the skirts of her brown and slightly ripped robes, courtesy of a particularly violent tendril of Devil's Snare she'd been tending to earlier.

She lowered her voice in the event listening ears were attempting to pry their way into what should have otherwise been a private conversation.

"The first couple of weeks here are always the toughest, Miss Tonks, so if there is anything you need, anything you wish to discuss, my child, then you just let me know. My office door is always open for you," she added, her chest swelling with a burst of pride as she looked at Tonks.

Easily one of her best, brightest, and unfailingly kind former Hufflepuffs, and it pained the Herbology Professor and Head of Hufflepuff House to see the girl in such a dismal state.

She furrowed her grey brows into a frown and continued.

"You know that I am here to support you during this difficult time, my dear, especially considering your…. _unique_ circumstances," Ponoma murmured, hesitating, unsure if she should bring up the sensitive subject of the nature of her relationship with escaped convict Sirius Black.

At the mention of Sirius's name, she felt her entire stout body stiffen in shock as a series of memories rolled through her mind, as if she were watching them unfold in the Pensieve in Albus's office.

James Potter and Sirius Black sneaking into the Herbology Greenhouse 3 to try to procure Venomous Tentacula seeds for Merlin only _knew_ what bloody for. Remus Lupin as a Gryffindor Prefect half-heartedly attempting to scold him.

Professor Sprout's eyebrows shot so far up onto her lined and slightly dirtied forehead from her work in the greenhouses at the mention of their new Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor in her mind and she was sure she looked like a fish, the way her mouth open and closed and her eyes widened as the younger witch had noticed the Herbology Professor's strange behavior and frowned a bit.

"I—I see," Tonks finally stammered, unable to form a coherent reply any better than that.

She bit the wall of her cheek as she nervously played with the edges of her pinkish-tipped fingers, picking at a bit of her dark purple nail polish that was becoming chipped, thinking she'd have to repaint them later on tonight.

She simply stared at her old Head of House, who stood looking up at her, short as she was, with a kind smile on her lined and slightly dirtied face, a side effect of her work in the greenhouses, though her eyes were full of a tenderness.

In truth, Tonks had not anticipated anybody outside of perhaps Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall to be so kind to her, but Sprout had proven herself to be extremely maternal and generous towards her, which Tonks felt incredibly moved by, and not at all sure how to respond to in the moment.

Rudeness, brazenness, impoliteness, all of these things and more, Tonks could easily deal with and was used to from her fellow coworkers at the Ministry of Magic.

But given how far away from home she was and the mess she had just made of her new partnership with Professor Lupin, in her current state of unease and vulnerability, any small semblance of kindness felt like a stab to the heart with a rusty knife, or as if she had been doused with a bucket of ice water.

Tonks blinked, feeling the beginnings of salty, briny tears prick and sting at the corners of her eyes, marring her vision.

"I, um, thank you for your kind words, ah, Ponoma, a—and I will take them into consideration, but I'm sure I will be just fine," Tonks replied airily, perhaps a little too curtly and harsher than she would have liked, before ducking her head and turning her back on Sprout.

"Of course, child," replied Professor Sprout warmly, not blaming Nymphadora Tonks in the slightest for not knowing how to react to her kindness towards her former student or seeming to give to her a rather cold, curt response. "I need to speak to Professor Lupin about something for a moment. Have—"

But Tonks immediately cut her off by pointing towards the east corridor that led towards the dungeons of all places.

"He went that way, Professor Sprout."

Ponoma did not bother correcting her former student on insisting she use her first name now, considering the girl was graduated and no longer her pupil.

She furrowed her brows into a frown as she watched as the young Auror stiffened and turned on the heel of her black leather combat boot and immediately took off down the corridor in the opposite direction their Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor had disappeared to. Pomona's frown deepened as she observed her former student's strange behavior.

Something had happened just now.

Though what that 'something' was, only the two of them knew, and Sprout knew it was between the pair of newly appointed partners to work out, and the Herbology Professor heaved a tiny sigh as the kind-hearted, gentle, pure Auror with the vivacious pink wavy locks disappeared from her line of sight towards the corridor that headed towards the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom.

Leaving the young Auror, Professor Sprout pursed her lips into a thin line and turned to follow the path of the east corridor that led to Snape's dungeons.

Now fully gone from her line of sight, the Herbology Professor did not know what business Nymphadora Tonks had in an empty, deserted classroom, though she was fully aware the poor dear was probably just looking for a place to cry in peace and quiet.

"Better out than in, dear," whispered Professor Sprout sadly as she descended the steps that led down into the dank, dimly let dungeons.

Professor Sprout pursed her lips into a thin line, thinking that whatever words or unspoken words, for that matter, had transpired between the Auror and Hogwarts' Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor was their matter to hash out.

And yet…she could not shake the insatiable curiosity from her senses, or perhaps it was her steadfast loyalty to those she respected and admired that caused her to want to seek out Professor Lupin and attempt to help the poor man and get to the bottom of whatever issue was plaguing both of their minds this evening.

Determination and resolve set upon her features, Sprout strode off down the corridor, determined to do whatever she could to help out her former student and her new colleague.

She respected and admired both of them equally in their own rights for their unique personalities and the skills they contributed.

In time, the pair could complement one another, but only if they let each other in and started to learn to trust one another, and Professor Sprout could only hope that by seeking out Professor Lupin and attempting to help the poor soul do just that, that she wasn't making a grave mistake by interfering in his life.

She could only hope.

* * *

**A/N: I was originally going to have it be McGonagall who comforts Tonks and tries to offer support, but then I thought Tonks is a Hufflepuff and Sprout was her Head of House when she attended school at Hogwarts and would have known her best, and so I switched it to Professor Sprout at the last possible minute lol.**

**Coming up in Chapter 7, we see Remus's side of things as he struggles to deal with what just happened and there's a special treat in store as I've written my first-ever "young Remus still in school" flashback scene that I think is cute and a lot of fun, so stay tuned for that! :-)**


	7. When They Were Friends

**7**

**EVERYTHING** was laced with the biting feeling of cold, Remus thought. Every time he came down into the dungeons, a certain uneasiness always filled his scarred chest, though he wasn't entirely sure if it was on the premises that he knew more often times than not, he would run into Severus, or if the dungeons was simply where Professor Snape brewed his Wolfsbane Potion for him, as disgusting and vile as the smoking potion that burned his throat going down, it was the only thing that helped to stave off the worst parts of his lycanthropy.

He thought it strange how the dungeons could look so formidable, even with the added light from all of the lit torches in their sconces on the walls.

Remus rose a shaking hand to one of his tired eyes and rubbed slowly over the rough surface of his scarred, cracked skin. A scattered sigh escaped his lips.

Lowering his hand, his worn hand drifted down to tug on the material of his sweater in a nervous fit of agitation, close to a mental breakdown, possibly.

Lupin couldn't manage to repress the somewhat violent shiver that clawed its way up his spine and through his heart at how Tonks had reacted towards him.

Merlin's Beard, but what was _wrong_ with him?! Why could he not have simply waited for his new partner to broach the issue when she was more comfortable around him? Why did he have to pressure her into responding?!

He felt his heart sink, hoping that she would have opened him to him, despite how cold he had acted towards her upstairs in front of the Great Hall, that Tonks would have merely waited for Remus to sort out his wild emotions and conflicting thoughts. But he dared not go back up there and face her just yet…

Why hadn't he listened to what she had to say? Why had he run off on her like that? _Because I was afraid. A coward_ , he answered himself rather bitterly.

The thought of leaving the beautiful young witch up there _alone_ by _herself_ , unable to soon forget the look of abject disappointment and hurt on her face as he had abandoned her flashed in the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor's vivid memory. The recollection of her smile up until he had foolishly turned the tables on their conversation and ruined everything danced in his back of his mind.

The memory of her almost resembled that of a painting as the warm embers and soft orange and yellow glow from the fires coming from the torches in the sconces that lined the walls of the first floor near the Great Hall danced through her hair. Tonks's smile had laced over her pale, heart-shaped face with such a sweetness, he was sure no other witch on Merlin's green earth held such a smile.

Lupin paused, blinking owlishly as a sudden and sharp, shooting pain thrashed through his chest. He felt… _wrong_ , thinking about the woman this way.

Or more so, what he was feeling was wrong. It just had to be. He knew all too well what he was. Considering the nature of his condition, there was no possible way that Remus could date a woman, much less _look_ a witch that way.

So, why was it then, that he could not shake the smell of apples from his senses? Whatever shampoo she used in her hair smelled like autumn. Of fall.

Though, come to think of it, he hadn't exactly asked her to dinner, even if he had phrased it in such a way that it had _seemed_ like a question. He had more or less posed the demand to her in such a way that there was no way for Tonks to refuse. Yes, that was right. He had more or less _manipulated_ her into going.

Remus ground his teeth in agitation and resisted the urge to allow the Wolf within him to growl in frustration as he stalked down the dungeons, not sure why he had come down here in the first place, clenching and unclenching his hands as he attempted to understand Tonks's reaction towards Sirius Black. What the bloody hell had he been thinking, trying to goad her into telling him the truth?

As Lupin reached the end of the hallway, knowing he would have to take a left to get to Professor Snape's office, though that was admittedly the last place he wanted to venture towards in his current agitated state, he felt his anger slowly begin to subside as a new thought entered his mind. The man furrowed his eyebrows and contemplation and shot out a hand onto the cold cobblestone wall, clutching at it for support as he froze, rooted to his spot, and stopped to think.

He had never suffered from such problems before. Partly because no woman, with the self-inflicted scars that littered his face, also thanks to the monster that he knew himself to be, would ever want to look upon his find and find it attractive. Remus had always been aware of his position in society as a werewolf, aware of his rank, aware of those who looked him with disdain and scorn, once they found out the truth of what he _really_ was, what lurked beneath the surface.

No matter how much he regretted the cold way he had spoken to her upstairs when she had refused to let him in on what was bothering her, he could never reverse what he had allowed to happen. Part of him was strangely grateful that she had, just now, looked upon him with scorn for his uncharacteristically cold and hurt words, as though he were the very devil himself, no worse than a Dementor. In truth, Tonks was wrong to think of him in those terms, but Remus had been simply too stunned to react rationally regarding her behavior about him.

_Sirius_. Lupin froze, just thinking his old best friend's name caused a quiet vibration to plaster under his skin and made it crawl as a shiver went down his spine that he knew had nothing to do with the almost frigid temperatures of the Hogwarts dungeons. He gave his head a curt shake to clear it, and this time, he really _did_ let out a growl of frustration as he carded a hand through his hair.

Tonks's serene pale gray orbs drenched his memory, and Merlin damn Lupin for having a good one. He never would have imagined a woman could invoke these foreign feelings that created a tingling, spiraling warmth in his chest, and yet, here he stood in the dungeons, not sure what he was doing down here at all.

Broken, scarred, beaten down more times than he cared to admit, but still very much feeling. Of course, these feelings were new, but they still held a familiar yet foreign sense to them, like a distant fond memory he wished to keep.

However, something within Remus still fought against these feelings. These feelings were light and breathless and underneath it all, there was something dark stirring within him, that 'wrong' feeling.

Not only did Lupin feel 'wrong' for thinking such inappropriate thoughts of the young woman that was his partner, but a snakelike voice that sounded entirely too much like Professor Snape sat in the backmost corner, the darkest parts of his mind, taunting him, whispering it.

_You must be out of your mind if you think that witch saw past your unfortunate appearance? It laughed at him. You are still soooo pathetic. You've not learned your lesson at all. You're a beast, a hideous creature. What woman could love a wretch such as you? Do you even care about her or is it just lust?_

His hold on his wand clutched tightly in his hand was almost forgotten as his grip slackened, his eyes left unblinking as his breaths hitched in his throat.

A heavy hand found its way back to his face as in a fit of agitation he pinched at the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger, squeezing his eyes tightly shut trying to drown out the snakelike voice in his head that sounded like _him_.

"No!" Lupin heard his cracking hair erupted from his chest, throat, and lips as though it would be the only silencer to the wicked voices inside of his mind.

His shallow breathing worsened as the moments down in these dank, cold dungeons passed. "Y—you're wrong, I—I'm…hap…" But his voice trailed off as it broke and he curled his hands into fists, striking out at the wall behind him.

That was his _first_ mistake. It hurt as hell and Remus ground his teeth together so hard that he felt his molars lock and snap, as he squeezed his eyes shut, a stray tear of pain escaping down his lids in the process, cradling his sore hand.

More than anything, he wanted another human being to be _kind_ to him for once in his life, but they were scarce, considering how most, when they learned of his condition, were barely able to stomach being in the same room with him, much less look him in the eyes and hold a conversation longer than five minutes.

Such a concept was a rarity now that James and Lily were _dead_ , and Sirius…

" _No_ ," he growled through gritted teeth, shoving aside thoughts of Black for now, not wanting to think of old Padfoot, though the fine hairs on the back of his neck stood upright as visions of Sirius Black's handsome face flitted through his mind, followed by the faces of sweet Lily, Merlin bless her soul, James, Peter…

Oh, _Peter_! His eyes flung wide open as he thought of that strange rat the Weasley boy was carrying on the Hogwarts Express, how _similar_ the two looked.

A cold chill wafted down his spine as his mind lingered on how the fact the rat was missing a toe… He froze, brown eyes wide and round with utter shock.

Remus furrowed his brows in a frown, giving his head a violent shake to clear it. The poor man was practically hysterical at this point. His lungs burned as the biting air thrashed in and out of him at a speed he couldn't slow down at all.

The pounding and thundering of that damned corded muscle within his chest rattled against its cage of bone and cartilage, pumping blood to his veins faster than Remus could keep up with, rendering him feeling rather lightheaded.

He felt certain slick tears would slip from his lids at any moment if he couldn't regain control of his emotions as he tried in vain to fight them back. His head remained buried in his hands. His lungs had calmed slightly, the burning feeling subsiding, though Remus tried in vain to tamper down the memory of the first morning he had met James and Sirius and Peter during their second year of Hogwarts as second years, when they were all only twelve years old…

* * *

Remus rested his back against the stone ledge of the Astronomy Tower's parapet as best as he could and shrank into his sweater for warmth as much as possible, crying into his knees, trying not to look at the scratches and bite marks on his hands, that not even his gloves could cover up all the way, despite trying.

It was something the twelve-year-old boy did often after a nasty transformation, lamenting about how bloody stupid and monstrous he really was. All it took was one look into a mirror at his monstrous reflection, at the scars on his face that had disfigured him and marred what should have otherwise been a normal, and he had hoped when he grew up, a handsome face, but it wasn't so.

This only added to the boy's sadness. After a particularly rough night during the first full moon cycle of a transformation each month, the Astronomy Tower's terrace balcony was where he would come and sit and cry in solitary quiet, surrounded by nothing but stone, where no one would hear his little whimpers.

"It's my fault," the twelve-year-old whispered hoarsely to himself, surprised at how meek his voice sounded, though considering he'd had no water since the night before, he supposed he shouldn't be surprised, staring at the ground through tear-filled eyes as hot tears marred and stung, blurring the edges of his wolfish sight. "I'm just a _stupid monster_. I—I can't do anything right. Nobody _likes_ you because you're a _nasty_ , _nasty animal_!"

Remus slammed his gloved fist on the wall behind him from where he sat slumped to the floor outside on the balcony, which hurt and made him cry even harder, cradling his sore hand and grinding his teeth.

More than anything, he wanted the other kids to be kind to him, just for once, but that was scarce, considering his parents never really let him play with the other kids growing up following his attack the night the bad wolf snuck in through his bedroom window and attacked him during his sleep. _Greyback_.

The boy shuddered and squeezed his eyes tightly shut, not wanting to think of the werewolf who had ruined his life, and his parents', still cradling his sore hand, thinking how everyone except for the professors here treated him with disdain.

The only people who seemed to have a kind word for him was Professor Dumbledore, who had visited him in his home shortly before his eleventh birthday and sat on the floor of his parents' living room in front of the fireplace and played Gobstones with him while convincing him he could go to Hogwarts.

He smiled, the corners of his mouth twitching upward at the memory of the night Professor Dumbledore arrived unannounced and uninvited on his doorstep.

How angry Mum and Dad had been at the man's arrival and tried to block the old wizard's entrance into their simple cottage in Wales, but the Headmaster merely sidestepped his parents and had spent the evening on the living room floor with him in front of the roaring fire in the hearth, playing countless rounds of Gobstones with the melancholic and lonesome soon-to-be eleven-year-old and eating a seemingly endless plate of crumpets that kept refilling itself.

He sighed. The other adult here in the school that he liked, as stern as his Head of House was, was Professor McGonagall. She was always waiting for him at the entrance to the Shrieking Shack with his favorite red and garnet Gryffindor scarf, a jacket, and a steaming mug of hot cocoa the morning after his transformations.

Between her and Dumbledore, the boy was a devout believer in Merlin and since his mother Hope was a Muggle, God too, and turned to both entities with his daily prayer, whispered under his breath every morning since the term started.

"God, Merlin, whichever one of you is listening. _Grandpa_ ," he whispered, hoping his grandfather on his mother's side was listening and looking out for him, wiping the blood off his hand with the sleeve of his brown tattered jacket and drying his eyes, "can you _please_ send me a friend? Maybe more I—if you want, b—but I'd be content with only one, I—I _promise_. _Please_?" he begged sadly.

The second year Gryffindor student and little werewolf looked up at the spires and parapets above him, watching, waiting with bated breath and hopeful, huge light brown eyes flecked with gold at the edges of his irises, as they always were after a transformation, as though expecting a brand new friend to fall from the sky, but none did.

Grinding his teeth, letting a slightly wolfish growl escape from his lips, Remus kicked at a stray stone off the ledge and watched the little pebble tumble down, down, and down, until he could no longer see the rock at all, his scarred, peaky face full of immense hurt, anger, disappointment, and sadness.

"Who am I _kidding_? No one wants to be friends with a _werewolf_ ," his hissed the last word as though it were a hushed, dirty secret, and considering Remus had told none of the other kids in his House about his condition, his secret _was_.

He shakily rose to his feet and walked along the edge of the balcony terrace, the wind whipping his thick tuft of short light brown hair back off his forehead as he stared over the edge at the Hogwarts Grounds below, at the other children.

Madame Hooch was teaching Flying Class below to a group of Slytherins, and Remus secretly hoped that the greasy-haired slimeball _git_ , Severus Snape, who he had to sit next to during Potions _and_ Herbology, fell off his broomstick.

His wolfish sight was still heightened, and as he narrowed his eyes and scanned the ground and sky for any signs of Snape falling off his broom (none that he could see) he gripped onto the railing of the balcony's ledge and leaned forward a little farther, forgetting that his equilibrium post-transformation always threw him off the balance if he weren't more bloody careful, and felt a tremor of fear as his feet left the ground.

The scream that escaped his lips made the fine hairs on the back of his neck stand up as Remus felt himself go over the edge, his head about to nosedive right off the top of the Astronomy Tower if he couldn't save himself.

This was bloody _it_! Not even two years into his life as a Hogwarts student, and this, of all things, was how he died?! Falling to his death off the tower ledge? Remus tried in vain to grab onto the ledge with his gloved hands, but they slipped, and he cursed himself for having his gloves with the fingers cut off.

What good were these types of gloves if you couldn't use your hands?! There was nothing he could do, no one to come and save him. To the best of his knowledge, nobody, not even one of the teachers, knew he came up here.

Suddenly, he felt something rough latch itself around one of his legs, stopping his plummeting descent off the Astronomy Tower's ledge. Remus squeezed his eyes tightly shut, letting out a wolfish little whimper that escaped from the confines of his chest, throat, and lips, too scared to look at the Hogwarts Grounds several hundred feet below him, and wondering who had stopped his fall and was effectively keeping him upright from falling to a very grisly death.

"Pull him up!" a hoarse sounding voice croaked in an authoritative voice, almost a bark like noise. "C'mon, Potter, put your back into it! You too, Peter!"

"We're _trying_ , don't get your hair all twisted in a knot, Black!" another voice said, this one male too and even younger sounding, sounding disgruntled.

Remus thought he recognized one of the voices, but he was too busy bloody trying not to die to even care that he had no time to question the strange 'hair' comment when the voice spoke again. "Peter, James, on three, and we got this?"

"Agreed," another voice offered in a calm tone despite the precariousness of Remus's current predicament. "One, two, _three_!" On that, the young Gryffindor felt himself get pulled back up over the ledge of the Astronomy Tower's ledge.

The three boys who had just effectively saved Remus John Lupin's life were grunting and panting with the exertion of pulling the young werewolf up over the ledge as the young boy fell back onto the platform, trembling with fear, violently convulsing.

"Stand back, for Merlin's sake!" the tallest boy commanded, staring down the tip of his slender nose and peering through the lenses of his black-framed glasses at Remus's cowering, hunched form as the boy heaved and coughed, trying to catch his breath and calm his racing heart from his near fall.

Lupin gasped for breath, a gloved hand over his racing heart, starting to calm down a little bit, but then realized the three students who had saved his life could see him, see his face, his scars, and he felt another thrill of fear, only this time, intermingled with a sense of hot shame and embarrassment that painted his cheeks pink that he knew had nothing to do with the frigid cold air of this afternoon.

"Don't look at me!" Remus bellowed, immediately covering his face with his hands, ashamed of the three, jagged scars that disfigured his visage.

"Why not?" the young male voice asked from earlier. "You look fine!" This was the one that sort of sounded like a dog, his voice rough and coarse, grating, almost, like the sound of a wooden barrel being scraped along an old stone street.

"Because I'm a—a _monster_!" Remus stammered, not wanting to look his three saviors in the eyes. "I'm grateful to you lot for saving me, I really am, b-but you have to get out of here! Honest! I—I'm n—not safe to be around, see."

"Why? Cause you're a werewolf?" the same male voice asked, not sounding offended or disgusted, but rather, plagued with an insatiable sense of curiosity.

_That_ did it. Remus lowered his head from his hands and felt his head whiplash sharply upwards as he narrowed his eyes and glowered at the boys.

He recognized two of them. James Potter, and his best mate, Sirius Black, the other shorter, stout, kind of on the chubby side, with dirty blonde hair and rather crooked, bucked teeth, but he seemed a kind enough chap.

_Peter, I heard one of these guys call him Peter_ , he thought wildly, blinking owlishly at them.

"That's stupid, Lupin, no offense, but you're not a monster," Remus heard the one called James Potter speak up, sounding offended. "We've seen you before in the library, sitting by yourself because you think no one will sit with you. You're not a monster, you're just a boy! You just have a… 'furry little problem.'"

The quip earned a short but harsh, bark-like laughter from Sirius Black, who threw back his head and laughed as though it were the funniest thing he'd heard.

Lupin furrowed his brows into a frown as he looked at the three Gryffindor boys. "You _should_ be scared of me," he growled, feeling the edges of his lips curl upwards to reveal his gums as another wolfish growl escaped his chest. "I _am_ a monster. And an ugly one at that, and you can't convince me otherwise, guys!"

The odd noise that sounded like a cross between a snort and a muffled attempt at laughter from Sirius Black caused his wolfish hearing, still heightened considering it only the first day's end of the full moon's cycle, perked up, and Remus swore he felt his ears twitch, and it stopped right in front of where he lay collapsed on the terrace of the Astronomy Tower's balcony, catching his breath.

" _Well_? You gonna lay there or are you gonna sit up and look at us?" James Potter's voice cut through the snickering of Sirius Black and Peter talking among themselves about characteristics of werewolves, making Remus nervous.

" _Look_ at us," came Sirius Black's voice, lower and kinder than Remus had heard a few moments ago. "We _aren't_ gonna hurt you, Lupin. We want to be your friend. We saw you weren't at dinner. Don't worry about your…secret. It's safe with us, I swear it. We've known for a few weeks, Remus. Don't be afraid."

The boy breathed in a sharp breath of cool autumnal air that pained his lungs sharply; that was eerily similar to something that his dad used to read to him growing up, and one of his personal favorites as well, not to be afraid of anything.

Slowly, he brought his gloved hands away from his eyes and sat up straighter, gasping slightly at what he saw. James Potter, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew, all fellow Gryffindors, just like him, the grotesque little twelve-year-old boy was shocked to see the trio of boys were all kneeling into a crouch in front of him.

Inches away from his face, the boys did not seem put off by the horrible condition of the scars on his face that would cause even the most stoic of people to retch their lunch if they saw him in the hallways. It happened once or twice.

But that did not seem to be the case with these three. All three boys his age was staring at Remus, their hands outstretched, waiting to help him up, with compassionate looks on their faces. His mind was working overtime as Remus's hand outstretched towards Sirius's waiting hand of its own accord, his arm no longer taking direction from his mind not to trust these boys.

What if they spit on him? Conjured a leash and collar and made fun of him for what he was? Paraded him around the hallways like some kind of…of _pet_?!

Remus lowered his hand, jerking his arm out of Black's the moment he stood upright and shot the pair of boys a slightly distrusting and admonishing glare. "Why d'you want to talk to me _now_? Don't you know how long I've waited for friends like you guys? Why wait two whole months to approach me?"

"We _know_ ," Sirius interrupted hotly, jabbing James in the ribcage with his elbow before Potter could speak up, no doubt a smart aleck remark on the tip of his tongue as Sirius shot James Potter a withering glower and frowned a little bit. "And we wanted to, but with you, it wasn't that simple, Remus. We needed some time to think about it. We don't just let _anybody_ in our group, you know."

There was a smug note of pride in Sirius Black's voice as he puffed out his chest slightly and looked towards James, seemingly the leader, for confirmation.

"Yeah," James murmured sheepishly, reaching up a hand to scratch at an itch on top of his head, a rather embarrassed grin on his face. "But you seem nice, Remus. A little quiet. Shy, maybe, but that's okay," he chirped jovially, and almost as soon as his fleeting smile flitted across his features, it vanished, sliding off his face like Stinksap as a light pink blush speckled along his cheeks in embarrassment.

"Sorry for almost killing you," Peter piped up, his first words to Remus, "we should've been more subtle with our approach, I guess, right, James? Sirius?"

Sirius's mouth curved upwards into a truly twisted sneer that sent a shiver down Remus's spine as he followed the trio of boys back into the Astronomy Tower.

"Oy, I suggested we hide under his bed," the most handsome of the three piped up with a truly wicked grin on his face as he toyed with a lock of his hair.

"And scare the kid to death? Are you _nuts_ , Black? You must be crazy!" Peter huffed indignantly, casting nervous, skittish glances towards Remus and James.

"Who you calling crazy?" Black let out a low animalistic growl and tackled the shorter boy, the two of them becoming a tumble of fists, much to Lupin's astonishment, who gaped at the scene before them, wondering if he should intervene and try to break up the brawl, but James moved to stand next to him.

James Potter shook his head in disgust and turned away, letting out a snort through his nose and rolling his eyes, clamping Remus on the back. "Ignore them, Moony," he told the boy. "They're still imbeciles. They got a lot of growing up to do. But I'm James, by the way, in case you didn't already know," he added, almost as an afterthought, holding out a hand for Remus to shake it.

"And I'm Sirius," the taller, more handsome boy said, de-tangling himself from the scuffle and inclining his head as a sign of respect towards Remus in silence.

"Shove _off_ , drama queen!" the fatter, shorter, stoutest boy, Peter Pettigrew snapped, pushing Sirius over and shaking Remus's hand a little too excitedly. "We've never met a werewolf before! I—I'm Peter," he breathed animatedly.

"Wh—what did you call me?" Remus breathed, feeling his light brown eyes widen in shock as his face drained of colors as he looked towards James Potter.

Potter merely shrugged his shoulders in a nonchalant grin and offered Lupin a kind smile.

"Moony," he repeated again, a light little chuckle escaping his lips as he took in the sight of Remus's dumbfounded expression. "I like the nickname. It suits you, and no one will ever know what we're talking about. It's like a code."

"N—nice to meet you," Remus said quietly, smiling a little bit as he allowed his three new friends to lead him down the stairwell that led away from the Astronomy Tower and towards the Hogwarts Grounds, to the Quidditch pitch. "So…what do you want to do?" Lupin asked, looking around at the landscape.

"Anything!" James said excitedly, gesturing towards the empty Quidditch pitch. "We could practice flying if you want. The way I see it, the world's our oyster!"

Remus couldn't help but grin along with his three new friends as they set off towards the Quidditch pitch to sneak in practice before tomorrow's Flying lesson, glad that someone up there had finally answered his pleas for a friend.

Whoever was up there looking up for him, whether it was Merlin or God or his grandfather, had done him one better and sent him not one friend that day, but three.

And he wouldn't have had it any other way.

* * *

**A/N: A bit of light-hearted fluff to break up all the Remadora Drama, which I feel like I need one of those family tree diorama things just to keep all track of this mess LOL. Remus is upset with Tonks for not disclosing the fact that Sirius Black is her cousin, which he already knows, and Tonks is mad at Remus for not being honest with her about his lycanthropy, and it's two days into their partnership.**

**Eek. Our favorite werewolf and Auror have a long way to go before getting to that point of the relationship where they start to trust one another, then. Coming up in Chapter 8, the next chapter, Tonks encounters a surprise someone watching and takes a little forbidden dip in the infamous Black Lake.  
**


	8. The Black Lake

**8**

**THE** cold wind seared against Padfoot's thick, matted, blood-clotted fur as he ran amidst the trees in an uncontrollable speed, making Sirius Black's eyes tear and his mouth dry as in his Animagus form, the huge, hulking black dog licked its lips. He leapt over felled wood and pointed crags, over mossy rocks, and roots.

Ravens above his head squawked their displeasure at their tranquility being interrupted, flapping their wings in a frenzy as the beast prodded twigs along his zigzagged path, following the stench of the Rat, and the smell of the Wolf.

The Wolf he recognized. He smelled of pinewood, of autumn, good smells, but the Rat… A mystical power was surging over Padfoot with every twist and turn of his wretched body, trapped in this animalistic form for now as his disguise.

The stench of a bloodbath, the Rat's, was what propelled the Dog forward, and for once, the animal felt in control of his own body since his escape from Azkaban. Though before he could fulfill his greatest and darkest desire of sinking his own fangs into the rat's neck, thirst slowed his lean legs as he sniffed at the ground, following the scent of a nearby babbling brook that led to the Black Lake.

The water was icy cold to the touch, its placid surface rippling along stones, and as the black dog carefully padded on its paws towards the brook, its ears perking up at the noise, eager to plunge his taut jaw into the water and drink his fill, the dog caught sight of his reflection, the sight of a black but sharp snout sniffing the water carefully, at the deep yellow eyes surrounded by the unmistakable outline of thick black fur, at the two sharp pointed ears on either side of his head. Padfoot gave a start, feeling uneasy to see himself in this way.

He had not gone so long in his Animagus form, not since Moony's last transformation when Prongs and Wormtail had still been— _No_! The dog growled, baring its canines, giving a low, rumbling snarl from the confines of his chest as he thought of the rat. The reason for his escape. He was _here_.

At Hogwarts. Pettigrew and Moony, both of them. Padfoot had tried to forget Moony. What bloody hell else could he do? Remus had made his choice.

And it had not been to stick by him. He had heard what Sirius had tried to do to Pettigrew for the betrayal of the Potters' and hated him for what he'd done.

Or rather, _hadn't_ done, Padfoot thought bitterly, not bothering to stifle his growl. If Wormtail hadn't fled like the coward Padfoot knew him to be, and honored Sirius's request for a duel, Padfoot felt certain he would have won, then.

He'd have beaten the rat to a bloody pulp had Pettigrew played fair, forced him to apologize to him and Moony for betraying James and Lily to Voldemort, and then would have slit his unworthy throat where the betrayer stood and that was that. Unfortunately, he'd not gotten the chance twelve years ago, but not anymore. Things would be different. Pettigrew had hightailed it into the night like the coward he was, but now, Padfoot would reap the revenge he wanted.

Padfoot's ears perked up as the dog heard a rustling noise and what sounded like the voice of a Woman. A soft, reserved voice, one that he faintly recognized.

Another scent wafted its way through his nostrils and Padfoot felt his pupils dilate in the dark, even trapped in Animagus form like this to maintain secrecy.

This Woman, this she-stranger, however familiar her scent was, carried another scent. One of pinewood, elm, and oak. The Wolf's scent, that mad beast.

Oh, yes. He knew that scent quite well. Another caught his attention, the Rat. Padfoot did not bother this time to stifle the low growl that gathered in the confines of his wretched chest as he let it out and bounded towards the noise.

Hopefully, if he were fast enough, he'd find _him_ , and have the chance to explain to Moony the truth of what had happened.

Padfoot knew without even having to think as he bounded forward on all fours, the black dog's legs automatically taking him to him.

Towards the Black Lake. To Peter Pettigrew, that witless _worm_ …

He could only hope he wasn't too late.

* * *

Tonks may have left Hogwarts castle, but had not actually left the grounds herself following that _horrible_ misunderstanding in front of the Great Hall with Professor Lupin, but she simply could not bring herself to tell the man the truth.

She just couldn't seem to find it within her resolve to go back inside just yet and face the man and apologize for not being entirely truthful with Remus Lupin.

And yet, Tonks bloody knew that she owed it to the man to apologize. At some point, hopefully in the distant future, the truth was going to come out, one way or another, but there was a stubborn streak of pride deep within her personality that she had always hated and worked hard to repress, that she wanted Remus to confess the nature of his condition to her, before she mentioned _him_.

Tonks furrowed her brows as she walked, momentarily thinking of heading towards Hagrid's hut, seeing the smoke curling from the chimney and paying the half-giant old gamekeeper and caretaker of the Hogwarts grounds a needed visit.

Though something gave her pause as she froze, rooted to her spot, indecision rendering her immobile as she looked towards the left, towards Hagrid's home.

Or to the right, which led towards the Forbidden Forest and Black Lake. Tonks stifled a groan of frustration as she bit the wall of her cheek, pondering her options. Eventually, she settled towards the forest and the Black Lake, valuing peace and tranquility in her current agitated state over visiting with Hagrid now.

There would be time enough to visit with him later, Tonks told herself. The young witch gave her head a curt shake to try to clear her mind, wanting to shove thoughts aside of Sirius and Remus for now, and Tonks found herself unable to.

She wanted to march right back up the castle, find Remus, and apologize, grovel at his feet if she had to, and tell him the truth of the nature of her relationship with Sirius, and pray the man would forgive her for not being honest.

And yet, she was afraid that confessing the truth would drive a wedge between the two of them and put a brick wall up between her and her partner.

_It happened once with Ollie, it could happen with this man too_ , Tonks thought bitterly to herself, biting the wall of her cheek in nervous trepidation.

The witch squeezed her eyes tightly shut, refusing to think of Ollie Brennan, and despite her best efforts not to, she thought of her former boyfriend anyways.

She had bloody said goodbye to that man a _long_ time ago, and yet, the memory of him still burned and ignited a flame within the pit of her churning stomach hotter than any dragon fire from a Hungarian Horntail could ever flame.

The pain of the man leaving her for another woman, one she knew and liked, Norah Jameson, a werewolf who worked in the Ministry of Magic in the Department for Control and Regulation and Care of Magical Creatures, _stung_.

It hurt as hell, and last night had been one of those times when the pain of Ollie leaving her had seeped to the surface unwanted and rendered her breathless.

She had slept admittedly very little, and she was worried the dark purple shadows underneath her eyes were becoming more pronounced as days passed.

Her sleep last night had not lasted very long, Tonks was ashamed to admit it to herself. She woke as the sun rose, gasping and yearning for the man who had betrayed her by falling in love with another witch when he'd claimed to be hers.

But Ollie had never _been_ hers. Always… _hers_. She had dreamed of Ollie last night. He had visited her in her sleep several times since he'd left her all alone to rot that fateful day underneath the shade of the willow tree in the park near her flat. In the darkness, the vision came, as clear as the nights they'd spent together and the passion the two of them had shared the one and only time Ollie had laid with her, which should have been another red flag in their six month relationship.

"A _mistake_ ," Tonks growled, echoing Ollie's words of bitter poison, whispering them through gritted teeth, not caring that she could practically see the poison that dripped from her words as she recollected that fateful evening.

In her dreams, she saw the depths of his cobalt pale blue orbs, felt the strength of his arms around her, and tasted the sweetness of his kiss, his lips against hers.

Each time the dreams came to her, each one more intense than the last, Tonks was forced to relive the glorious love she had thought she'd found in him, and the heartache of waking to find the man gone as she jolted from her sleep, her body still tingling numbly with the memory of her former classmate and love.

She feared she would never truly be able to be made whole again following Oliver James Brennan's betrayal of her feelings, for the man had ripped her heart out from her chest with his own two hands when he had left her for Norah, then.

Or at least, it felt that way at the time. Tonks let out a tired sigh and bit her inner cheek as she felt an uncomfortable pit forming in her nauseous stomach.

Suddenly, she was grateful she had fled the first floor and the Great Hall, no longer hungry for dinner, though she inwardly cringed at having to go back up there and apologize to poor Lupin not just for the first time she had treated him so coldly on the Hogwarts Express the night term started, but tonight, as well.

Tonks could not help but ponder over Professor Dumbledore's words to her the other night in his office, how he believed her appointment as the man's new partner could lead to him making a friend, something he had little of in life.

And _maybe_ if Tonks wasn't mistaken, a chance for her own happiness, too.

_Happiness_ … Tonks shook her head and smiled sadly to herself, trying to tamper down the bitter bile rising in her chest. She felt happiness was something she was unlikely to be bestowed with in this life. Not after Ollie leaving her.

Tonks would never be able to let herself take the easy path to happiness. If she could, she would have found a way to convince Ollie to stay with her forever.

Tonks closed her eyes, leaning her forehead against her wrists in anger and utter humiliation. She attempted to forget the entire incident in the Great Hall but couldn't erase the sight of Remus Lupin from her mind, how hurt he looked.

She ached, _longed_ , to tell the man the truth about Sirius, but she _couldn't_.

Besides, even if she did tell Professor Lupin the truth about Sirius, what was he going to do to her? What could Remus do? Tell her not to worry about arresting her own bloody cousin, for Merlin's left buttocks' sake? And what about her parents?

They worried and fretted over her, still seeing her as their little girl, though she wasn't a child anymore. She was a fully-fledged adult and had, in her mind, proven herself more than capable as an Auror, young still, though she was, it shouldn't matter that she was the youngest in her department at the Ministry of Magic. It paid well, and Tonks enjoyed the work, and she wasn't about to quit.

What about her friends? What about Shacklebolt and old Broody Moody? What would those two say to her if she failed in her current assignment to apprehend Black and bring her own cousin to justice? And Remus, oh, Remus!

The two men had been _friends_ , once upon a time, in a different life. To ask the man to go against someone who he had once been on good terms with was unfathomable, and would most likely go against everything that he believed in.

Tonks squinted as she looked up at the late afternoon sun before closing her eyes and allowing her peaky face to bask in the sun's warming heat as it slowly dipped below the horizon. The grounds were quiet, only the occasional straggling student or two out for a walk, only the sound of finches and swifts were heard.

The young witch breathed in the twilight air and let out a tired sigh, furrowing her brows as she pondered over the nature of the vicious rumors, mostly generated by the Hogwarts Professors themselves, of Lupin and her.

She gritted her teeth and ground them, almost stomping towards the direction of the Forbidden Forest. The rumors circulating about her and Hogwarts' Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher were maddening, claiming that Professor Dumbledore had only paired the two of them together because Remus John Lupin held an obvious interest in the witch ten years younger than he was.

Some of them, Tonks had learned from none other than Professors Sprout and Remus, and this was only day three of the start of term, had the gall to say that she provided more service than just serving as a guard to the first floor corridor. This aggravated Tonks to no end, but she had, sad to say, been expecting such rumors would swirl. It was only natural, considering their unique pairing.

"Damn!" Tonks threw her head back to the sky, curling her hands into shaking fists at her side as she continued her walk towards the Forest. "Is there no way out of this mess that _doesn't_ end in betrayal and heartbreak?" she sighed.

_Apparently not_. Tonks's frown deepened as her conscience tormented her. As Tonks slowly felt the worst of her anger drain from her system, all that was left in its wake was a horrible sense of hopelessness and despair and agony.

There truly was no way out of her predicament that didn't end in unhappiness. She was going to have to tell Remus the truth one way or another, in time, and she had a sinking feeling churning in the pit of her stomach that the man wasn't going to trust her or her motives once the truth came to light.

The most she could do was accept the reality: She was going to have to keep the secret and lie to a man who, having only just met him, she knew she liked.

It was a fact and there was no stopping it. Tonks groaned in exasperation, raking her fingers through her thick mane of wavy dark pink tresses in agitation.

She was still reeling from everything that had happened. Her heart still beat wildly against the cage of cartilage and bone within her chest as she pondered over what had bloody just happened at the front of the Great Hall. He'd… _left_.

"All because I was too afraid to tell him the truth," Tonks answered bitterly to herself. She shakily knit her fingers together and tried to calm herself down by forcing herself to breathe slowly in and out, though it felt as though the cold air that made its way to her burning lungs was biting, and everything bloody _ached_.

Professor Dumbledore would surely appoint someone else as her partner. Remus Lupin was going to complain to the Headmaster about her inability to do this job effectively and that was going to be that. She'd be thrown out of the castle by morning. Of this she was certain. Tonks had succeeded on the third day of the school's term in upsetting the school's Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor and had overstepped Merlin only knew how many invisible boundaries.

"I'm sorry, Moody," Tonks whispered hoarsely as she looked towards the woods. "I wasn't _strong_ enough for this job. For this place," she murmured lowly.

Her heart sank to the pit of her stomach as she realized how disappointed her mentor in the Auror's training program would be once he learned she _failed_.

Tonks exhaled a shuddering breath and focused her vision straight in front of her, not wanting to think of what Mad-Eye Moody would say when she was reassigned and given an alternative assignment when Professor Lupin complained to the Headmaster about the despicable way she had treated him this evening.

The air was chilled as the beginning of autumn leaves softly rode the bitter breeze. Looking towards the edge of the Forbidden Forest, at the dark silhouette of the trees against the fading light of the sky, Tonks huffed in aggravation as she wiped her brow and looked at the Forest, that dark place of intrigue and mystery.

She moved on, slow and sure, along the narrow path through the Forest that would take her to the furthermost corner of the Black Lake, away from prying eyes. Or maybe not anymore. Nevertheless, she knew she wanted to move away from the nauseating stares those sixth and seventh year boys were giving her.

Distasteful, the lot of them, and horny as hell. Tonks let out a groan of anger, thinking just the idea made her insides revolt and coil, cursing herself of the obscurity and clutching at herself for warmth, wishing she'd brought a jacket.

Tonks knew she had to relish this part of the late afternoon, when it was warm, for this was rare and only lasted about a meal's time, and dinner would be over soon. Almost there. Her heart started thrumming as she reached the lake.

The way the tall dark oak trees swayed in the breeze as night slowly fell was a rather unsettling sight to behold, and Tonks couldn't bother repressing the cold chill of fear and…something else…that wafted its way down her spine and made her skin crawl. The young Auror had been about to take a step forward, when a chittering squeak and what sounded like the snarling hiss of a cat reached her ears.

"I need to—oh, excuse me!" a young girl's voice squeaked, causing Tonks to swerve her head around as she heard the much younger voice coming from behind her, and was practically barreled over as a brunette, Hermione Granger, Tonks thought if memory served her correctly, having seen her with the youngest Weasley boy and Harry Potter in the hallways of Hogwarts in between their class periods, skidded to a stop and almost bowled poor Tonks over the moment an abnormally large, tattered looking brown rat let out a terrified squeak and cowered underneath Tonks' skirts of her black dress, behind her boots, utterly petrified of the ugly orange cat that was chasing it that looked more part Kneazle than a cat.

Tonks blinked, staring at it, thinking she'd never seen a more hideous creature, hoping her revulsion wasn't evident in her pale gray orbs or the way she scrunched her nose in disgust as she took in the sight of the haggard looking cat.

The huge orange cat that let out an angry, snarling hiss as the Granger girl scooped up the hideous creature and coddled it in her arms, speaking to it in babying tones as a mother would to an infant, was a somewhat amusing sight.

The cat's orange fur was dull and thin, unwashed, and bare. The bony edges of his ribcage protruded from his chest, as his frame seemed to nestle into his owner's arms as he shot what Tonks could only perceive as a withering look towards the young witch as she was drawn to the chittering squeaks of the rat.

Hermione bit down on her bottom lip as she watched the older woman kneel to the ground and scoop up the rat, cradling it gently against her elbow.

"Is this your rat?" Tonks asked the thirteen-year-old girl, quirking a delicately shaped brow your way. When Hermione nodded, a disgruntled look on her face, Tonks let out a sigh and held out the rat to Harry Potter's friend, much to the cat's displeasure who let out a hiss. "You'll want to mind him better, then if he is. He's not looking so good," Tonks murmured, tapping her chin.

This much was true. The poor creature was missing chunks of his fur, as though chewing them off in agitation, and if Tonks squinted her eyes close enough, she swore she saw the brown garden rat's ribcage, as if it weren't eating.

It looked to the young Auror as she shifted the common garden rat in her palms, feeling the creature's weight in her hands, that one good puff of wind would blow him over and keel him right in. She doubted he'd live another year.

Hermione inclined her head as a show of respect, or perhaps it was out of embarrassment at letting the rat escape her grasp as she moved to take the rat.

"Thank you. He's my friend Ron's rat, S—Scabbers. M—my cat, Crookshanks, h—he likes to chase the—the rat for fun," Hermione mumbled, panting and gasping her sound, wheezing for breath, winded, having run Merlin knew how far to try to catch her cat in pursuit of her friend's garden rat, sounding thoroughly put off, shifting the rat under her arm, and her pet cat in the left. "Thank you for grabbing him. I—I don't know what would have happened if I'd lost him," she murmured, a light pink blush speckling along her pale cheeks.

Tonks merely proceeded to shrug her shoulders and shake her head slightly, as if to silently convey to the bright young witch that it was no problem at all and said as much. "I was happy to help you grab him. Tell your friend Ron to be a little more careful with his pets next time," she sighed. "Excuse me," she mumbled, turning away from the third-year Gryffindor on the heel of her black boot and had been about to head towards the Black Lake when the girl spoke up.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Hermione Granger breathed in an awestruck voice.

Tonks turned her head and regarded Harry Potter's third best friend in silence, thinking the young witch had a lovely sort of face, but spying, in a way.

She made no immediately reply, and Granger took that as her cue to continue. "Must've been beautiful some time ago," she murmured, gesturing towards the edge of the Forbidden Forest, casting a skittish glance to the trees.

"It wasn't," Tonks heard herself, thinking of the many escapades and adventures that she and Charlie and Ollie had ventured into the Forest when they were Hogwarts students, and had spent many a night in detention for, and didn't stop. She looked at the forest twice before swiveling her head back to Hermione.

Tonks squeezed her eyes shut and ground her teeth as visions of Ollie's face flitted in the forefront of her mind. No. She could not—would not—think of him. "For me, at least. But things change when you see worse, Miss Granger. And then you go back to what you once thought was ugly and find them beautiful."

The thirteen-year-old breathed out a nervous chuckle, what Tonks guessed was supposed to be laughter, and Tonks wasn't exactly impressed with Granger. Tonks found it rather unpleasant for another witch to have discovered her here in her own little secret place of solitude during her new appointment as a guard to the school. She suspected the girl had followed her to ask about Sirius.

"Or maybe it's still ugly," said Hermione, tapping her chin in thought before lowering her hand to scratch her pet cat, Crookshanks' ear, "only now you think it's beautiful because you still haven't seen the worst." There was a beat, a pause.

Tonks hesitated, her head inclined as she folded her arms across her chest, already knowing the girl's name in passing from one of the Hogwarts Professors.

But still, it was proper edict to introduce oneself when you met someone new, and though she wanted knowing more than to be left alone, she'd comply.

Tonks bit the wall of her cheek as she gave the thirteen-year-old brunette Gryffindor a once over. She seemed kind enough, she supposed. "I—I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name," Tonks mumbled, feigning ignorance of her name, as if she did not already know via the whispers in the hallway who the girl was.

Hermione's face flushed a light pale pink, both cat and rat tucked in each arm as she offered the older woman a quick smile and looked down at the ground beneath their feet. "I'm Hermione, Auror Tonks. I'm…Harry Potter's friend."

Tonks nodded, her mouth opening slightly in enlightenment but kept her voice to herself, offering another incline of her head to show that she had heard.

"I know Harry. Ah, well, I—I mean, I know _of_ him," she corrected, a light pink blush speckling along her cheeks, cursing herself as she was starting to sound like a babbling idiot again, a bad quirk of hers that Moody scolded her for. Desperate to distract herself and steer the conversation away from James and Lily Potter's son, Tonks blinked and met the young brunette's gaze once more. "You know my name?" Tonks asked, wanting nothing more than to regain her sweet, silent solitude, though saw no reason to be rude to the third-year Gryffindor girl.

Almost immediately, the older witch cursed herself for asking such a question and ground her teeth in annoyance and ducked her head so the third year Gryffindor girl wouldn't see her blush. Of course, she would know who she was! Tonks had made it a habit of patrolling the entire first floor of the castle, occasionally pointing a few lost first years in the directions they needed to go and had presumably heard the Hogwarts teachers mention Tonks's name in passing.

If it was at all possible, Hermione Granger's blush deepened. "Ah, w—well I heard some of the professors _talking_ about you in the hallway, Miss Tonks…"

Silence fell between the pair of girls and Tonks could feel the tension and awkwardness in this was how Hermione Granger, the 'Chosen One's' best friend saw her. Tonks silently bristled, wondering if the teachers were gossiping about her natural aptitude for clumsiness and more importantly, the nature of her relationship with Professor Lupin. And she was quick to decide she didn't like it.

Her eyes, a glistening dark brown, which briefly reminded Tonks of Lupin's eyes, albeit darker, were masked with a smile, but there was something within the inquisitive, and somewhat nosy Gryffindor's eyes that unnerved Tonks a bit.

Tonks, out of the corner of her eye, swore she saw a tightening of Hermione Granger's jaw, which she thought rather unfounded, considering she'd done nothing to warrant the younger witch disliking her, or so Tonks had believed.

Either way, Tonks found herself swallowing down past a lump in her throat.

"Ah, w—well, I—I'd better get going," Hermione mumbled, sensing the dawning anger in Tonks's face as her mind processed her words, turning her head to the side to cough as she seemingly reluctantly pulled herself out of the staring contest. Tonks felt the fine hairs prickle on the back of her neck, feeling as though this Granger girl knew more about Tonks than she was letting on, but was remaining mum about the situation for now. She'd have to watch this one…

Hermione Granger slowly turned her back towards the older witch, her cat, Crookshanks, tucked under one arm, and the Weasley boy's pet rat, Scabbers, in the other, though she stopped as she trudged up the hill that led towards Hagrid's.

"Miss Tonks? I almost forgot something." There was a beat. A pause. Tonks waited. She perceived the hesitations on the young Gryffindor student's part, as if Hermione Granger never actually meant to convey her final intended message.

Instead, the Granger girl swiveled at the waist and locked gazes with Tonks one last time, the corners of her lips twitching as she fought back a kind smile.

"Professor Lupin is _lucky_ to have you as his partner. I—I know it isn't my business, b—but I heard Madame Pince discussing it in the library earlier with Professor Dumbledore, Auror Tonks," she began hastily and hesitantly, biting down on her bottom lip as she noticed Tonks's already pale face drain of all colors, a look of shock and outrage dawning on her heart-shaped face as once again, Tonks was met with the knowledge that the Hogwarts professors had nothing better to do than gossip about her and Remus John Lupin behind her back, "but from what I can tell of him in class, h—he is very gentle a—and a kind man. He's lucky to have you. I think he's quite _lonely_ , you know, but you'd know, considering you're his partner. I hope that you can help capture Sirius Black."

Tonks felt her jaw drop open in shock and had nothing to do but watch as Harry Potter's best friend shot her a shy, awkward little half-smile as best she could and shifted the weight of Crookshanks and Scabbers under both her arms.

She quirked a brow at Granger's way as the younger witch turned her back to Tonks and marched her way back up towards the castle given night was coming and it wouldn't do to be caught out on the Hogwarts Grounds after dark.

Without any kind of seconds thoughts, she pushed aside Hermione Granger in her mind. Tonks, while she was stationed here at Hogwarts, had no interest in making friends anymore, not after the heartbreak and emotional blow that Ollie had dealt her by ripping her heart out into two and as good as cleaving it, then.

Gaining back her solitude felt like a precious victory, Tonks thought bitterly as she faced forward to the edge of the Black Lake as a light autumnal breeze kissed her hair off her shoulders and flushed her cheeks pink with high rosy color.

Tonks let out a haggard sigh and moved to the edge of the Black Lake's shores, to the spot where she fondly remembered her and Ollie spending a wonderful spring evening under the stars, with Brennan showing her the constellations, pointing out the ones she didn't already know, telling her the myths behind the stars. The lake in front of Tonks loomed in an almost dark and daring crystal, beckoning her to come forward, to take a little forbidden swim.

The young witch knelt to a crouch and she held out her hand, allowing the tips of her fingers to gently touch the water and made more ripples out of nowhere.

_Just like magic_. Tonks stifled a small smile. Perhaps the ripples were like beauty, fame, riches, or power. For a fleeting moment, it grows, then it's gone. _Just like love_ , Tonks thought bitterly. The touch of it though, was delish.

Tonks bit the wall of her cheek as she shot a quick glance to her left and right, stripping herself of the black cape covered over her black dress meant to protect her from the wandering eyes of all of those hormone fueled teenage _boys_.

Her cloak crumpled at the edge of the lakebed and without any second thoughts, before she lost her nerve, she stripped herself of her dress, pulling her boots and socks off, until she was in just her undergarments, slowly feeding her feet into the frigid cold water.

She let out a hiss at how bleeding freezing the water was, but she enjoyed the ice-cold sensation nonetheless at it numbed her brain and made her forget her conflicting of Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, everything. The water was exhilarating. Being engulfed in the middle of the Black Lake as she swam out to the middle of the body of water, not fearing the Giant Squid, reminded Tonks of happier times in her life when she smiled a little more.

Tonks stretched out her arms, surrendering her body to the whims and mercy of the Black Lake, looking up to the night sky at the clouds above her head, her lips slightly parted, her dark pink pixie cut clinging to her forehead. She was a siren of the Black Lake, albeit she made a better water nymph than the ones that actually dealt below the Black Lake's surface deep in the depths.

Her thoughts plastered as quiet vibrations underneath her skin, making it crawl as her mind once again drifted to thoughts of Remus Lupin and Sirius Black. Her face began to immerse underwater as her consciousness started to falter when the very water of the lake began to feel like hands crawling on her skin.

The sensation both unnerved her and calmed her, and Tonks allowed her mind to drift to thoughts of Professor Lupin. How kind he had been to her, and how she had hurt him. How the man's light brown eyes were inky pools that reflected a lifetime of sorrow and hurt and confusion, no doubt not only from a hard life of being a werewolf, but with the knowledge your best friends was a _murderer_. She shivered as a cold chill wafted down her spine. But not from cold.

Tonks's pale gray orbs remained steady and fixated on the Forest in front of her, the view distorted by the water and a few strands of her floating pink hair.

For some reason, she could not shake the feeling as though she were being watched. Furrowing her brows into a suspicious frown, she thought of Sirius.

_Sirius Black. Sirius. Seriously Sirius. My own bloody cousin, the murderer_.

The name irked Tonks, and what was even more troublesome was she had no idea how to broach the topic with Remus, and for a moment she almost saw the man himself looming above her, standing on top of a nearby boulder, watching her silent swim, his towering, lean and lanky silhouette unmistakable against the tree line. She swore it was him.

Yes, it was her cousin, phantasm or not against the darkening edge of the Forbidden Forest, his wild, disheveled dark curly hair. His haggard striped prison uniform, tattered robes, his smoldering fathomless look of rage evident in his eyes. It seemed so…so concrete, so bloody really _real_.

Tonks's brows began to come together as she wondered how this phantasm of her overactive imagination could be so real. And then the man's head inclined.

Burning. Smoldering. Fathomless. Antagonizing. Pale gray orbs just like hers boring stray through her, piercing her soul. His lips parting open slightly to speak.

_SIRIUS_! Tonks felt her jaw drop open in shock and anger as she bolted out of the Black Lake's water like a lightening bolt. Her head swiveled to the left and right in utter panic, turning to every corner of the edge of the Forbidden Forest and the lake.

Nothing. Not a damn thing. Her cousin wasn't here. There was nothing and no one. Just her. The boulder he had been standing on moments ago was now empty, and the young witch was just as alone as she'd been when she came.

A cold chill wafted down her spine that had nothing to do with the dropping temperatures as night fell upon Hogwarts and her grounds, and everything to do with her nerves. "Bloody hell," she swore under her breath through gritted teeth.

She could hear herself breathing and see the cold steam crawling out of her pale skin. The ice in the air stung and she covered her chest as she walked to the discarded pile where she'd stripped herself of her dress, cloak and her socks and boots.

Tonks swore she felt multiple eyes boring through every corner and crack of the Forbidden Forest, this dark place. Quickly, the young Auror dressed, not giving a damn if her boots were properly laced or if her cloak was fastened right.

Nymphadora Tonks fled the Black Lake in a wild state of disarray, her wavy hair dripping wet, horror following and nipping at her heels as she ground her teeth. Sirius Black had somehow been spying on her, the perverted murderous _creep_. She was smart enough to look back, though as she fled to the castle with intent to tell Professor Dumbledore what had—no. _Wait_. She—she couldn't.

How the hell was she to tell the Hogwarts Headmaster she'd gone for a swim in the Black Lake, sans her clothing, and she'd caught her cousin spying on her?

No. He wouldn't believe her. She—she couldn't tell the man the bloody truth. Tonks heaved an exasperated groan as she shrugged into her cloak for warmth and realized with a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach that she was still carrying Madame Pince's now ruined book that she had accidentally stolen from the library.

"Hell," she swore again. "Pince is going to bloody _murder_ me for this," she moaned, squeezing her eyes tightly shut as she stomped up to the castle. Though something gave her pause. Something she had quite forgotten about. "Remus," Tonks murmured through clenched teeth as she looked towards the castle, thinking that somewhere in the massive estate, her partner lingered, probably searching for her if she had to hazard a guess after their misunderstanding. Maybe the man would believe her words if Albus wouldn't.

At the very least, she was sure she could count on the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor to keep her secret but then doubt, that demon crept into her mind. Would Remus Lupin even believe her, or would he, like the other older adults here in the castle, merely tell her it was a phantasm of her own mind?

And what would he have to say about the fact that she had essentially stripped herself of her clothing and gone for a forbidden swim in the Black Lake?

Tonks groaned and almost violently wrenched open the front double doors to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, having concluded that this was yet another secret that she had to keep from her brand new partner, like it or not.

The young witch was smart enough not to look back behind her as she stepped foot inside the castle and let the double doors slam shut behind with a bang, resonating in their hinges so hard that they creaked and almost rattled.

She wondered if Hermione Granger was right. This place, the Forbidden Forest, where she suspected now that she had bloody seen him with her own two eyes, where Sirius Black was hiding out, of this, she was sure, had never once been beautiful.

It had always been ugly. As Tonks strode up towards the Grand Staircase, ignoring the questioning looks and wandering eyes of the teachers and students as to the nature of her wet short hair and the mud trailing from her boots, Tonks started to fear for the very worst.

* * *

**A/N: I promise my version of Sirius isn't a creep! LOL. He was just following the scent of Wormtail/Peter and didn't expect to see a young woman swimming in the Black Lake and, well, it made sense in my head when I wrote it.**

**The next chapter flits back to our favorite werewolf and Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor as he continues to explore his feelings for his new partner and slight warning ahead for a slightly more ah, 'wolfish' aspect of his personality in the next chapter, and I won't say anything more, lest I spoil the plot for myself and you, my lovely readers!**

**The only tidbit I will give is he has a nice conversation with his old Head of House, a much-needed conversation with McGonagall!**

**I hope that you enjoy it! Stay tuned! :)**


	9. A Moment with McGonagall

**9**

**REMUS** was staring to get perturbed, not to mention frustrated with the turn of events.

Halfway down the hall of the first corridor, he ran into several students, a few he recognized, who were wandering back to their dormitories after dinner in the Great Hall, some no doubt, heading towards the library to study, he supposed.

Nothing out of the ordinary, except the new Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor, was not at all used to being so disgruntled and agitated over a witch, of all things, and as a consequence, his brows furrowed and the edges of his lips turned down into a sneer, the scars pulling his skin taut and tight, giving him a truly monstrous appearance, and he swore he felt the students' stares pierce the back of his skull as he stormed down the hallway, feeling his heart sink to his stomach.

Lupin had searched the entirety of the first floor of the school and found no sign of Tonks.

He had checked the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom first, perhaps thinking maybe the young witch would have gotten it into her mind to look for him there, and when she was not there, he resisted the urge to roar like an enraged dragon, feeling even more frustrated by the way that he was feeling.

Remus was having difficulty believing how he had managed to lose all semblance of control and fled from the young witch, not wanting to linger on the fear that he had seen within her pale gray orbs as Tonks had looked at him…

Professor Lupin ceased his movements for a moment and turned to look outside a nearby window.

The sun had fully set beyond the horizon now, and the sky outside was pitch black, and almost so dark it rendered him breathless.

The fear… He supposed he had _deserved_ that, perhaps, given the nature of his condition and there was no changing his monstrous appearance, Remus thought, wincing.

Lupin had been waiting for Professor Dumbledore or even McGonagall to mention Tonks to him, now that he knew the woman's first name, but he quickly realized they would not interfere in the lives of a colleague.

For some strange reason, Remus felt an incredible urge not to tell anyone here at Hogwarts about what had happened little less than forty-five minutes ago.

He was certain that his reasonings had to do with the fact that he didn't want false rumors and slanderous gossip to spread about him and this young witch, this Auror, as enough rumors were already flitting through the castle walls about him.

Remus knew that if he wanted his new appointment as Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor to be taken seriously, he had to stay away from potential scandalous situations, which, allowing himself to become entangled with this woman, as bewitching a hold as she seemed to have on him, was very much one.

He walked without really knowing where he was going, unaware his legs were no longer taking direction from his mind and leading him towards the library.

It had been where he had found the young woman, after all, maybe there was a chance she would have gone back to the library, to the Restricted Section…

Not that he felt as though he had an obligation to do so, but also considering the information he had learned from Professors Snape and Dumbledore as to the fact that she and Sirius Black were cousins by blood, he'd have to be very careful.

"Good evening, Professor Lupin," said one particularly short, a dark-haired fifth-year student that reminded him a little bit of Alice Longbottom, a girl named Emily Prewitt, who had stopped in the hallway, gathering her books under one arm to turn and incline her head respectfully towards him.

Remus was about to help her adjust the weight of the load of books she was carrying, as the topmost book on her stack looked as though it was about to fall off when he heard a loud shriek and it sounded as though something clattered loudly to the floor with a bang.

"What was _that_ , sir?" gasped Emily, looking at Professor Lupin worriedly.

He froze as he heard the unmistakable screeching of Madame Pince's voice, his face draining of colors.

"Stay here," he muttered, ignoring the girl's question.

Lupin made his way swiftly up the stairs of the Grand Staircase, turning towards the corridor that led to the library, his wolfish hearing perking up as the shrieks continued, trying to ascertain where the ungodly noise had originated.

He paused to listen further and heard the distant sound of two women's voices, both of which sounded rather accusatory and argumentative.

Not wanting a brawl to break out in the Hogwarts library, he strode towards the library.

Though this gave him pause when he noticed the library doors were closed, though one had been left slightly ajar.

Remus was right to deduce the voices came from behind. He stilled his movements, willing his breaths to almost stop.

"How _dare_ you treat this book in such a _despicable_ way? _Despoiled_ , _fouled_ , it's _ruined_!" echoed Madame Pince's shrill voice from across the hallway. "Do you realize the amount of _effort_ it's going to take to clean all of this up?" the Hogwarts librarian demanded, and though Lupin could not see it, he could imagine the older woman scrunching her nose and glowering in a look of disgust.

"I'm sorry, Madame Pince," replied a melodic voice quietly, which had a profound effect on Professor Lupin as the man was rendered immobile just outside the library doors.

The voice seeped gently into his eardrums, causing his wolfish hearing to become even more heightened as his ears perked up at the noise. It was _her_. Tonks. He had found her.

A tiny smile crept onto his features.

Though as quickly as the smile of his slight victory had snuck its way onto his face, it slid off like Stinksap the moment Madame Pince opened her mouth.

"This has just added to the already mountainous pile of work I have to get through tonight before the library closes! I swear, this day could not _possibly_ get any _worse_. I _knew_ I was _wrong_ in allowing you access to the Restricted Section. Professor Dumbledore was mistaken in appointing you to capture Sirius Black!"

"I'm sorry—" Remus heard Tonks start to apologize once more, but Madame Pince interjected before the young Auror could finish her apology.

"Apologizing _isn't_ going to _fix_ this, Auror Tonks!" Madame Pince shrieked.

Intrigued, Lupin crept forward gingerly, leaning in closer towards the door, careful not to make any sudden sounds. It was barely open, the door to the library, but it was cracked open just enough for Remus to be able to peer through and see for himself what was going on.

He could just about make out the two women facing each other; Madame Pince's towering, lean figure kowtowing Tonks's petite, short stature.

She was positively red in the face as she fumed, clutching the book that Nymphadora Tonks had returned to the library close to her heart, as if in pain. Remus couldn't see much of what had happened, though he could tell by the way the younger witch's boots accidentally trailed mud onto the floors of the library, she must have taken a walk on the grounds and had gotten the book dirty.

The young witch's short, shaggy long pixie cut was disheveled and... _wet_? His eyes widened. It wasn't raining outside, so how...?

It was the only logical explanation, though why her hair was slightly wet remained a mystery to him.

Remus furrowed his brows in a quandary, mulling over her unusual appearance. It wasn't raining out, so why was her hair dripping?

Madame Pince stared down at the young witch, who was—

Lupin had to stop himself from muttering Tonks's name and giving away his position.

He drew in a sharp breath that pained his lungs as he heard her soft voice speak up, effectively the silencer to the undeniable tension between them.

"If you would allow me to _repair_ the book and clean up the mess _I_ made, Madame Pince, then you could continue with closing up the library for tonight."

Tonks's voice was polite, though it sounded strained, and if Remus closed his eyes, he could almost hear the edges of her sweet voice harden in utter anger.

Madame Pince's pallid features drained of colors as the older witch spluttered and stammered in shock, clearly outraged at the indignation of Tonks's suggestion.

"No, no, my dear, absolutely not! You've made enough of a mess in my library already! The mud you've trekked onto this priceless floor will just seep in further if I allow you to touch it with _your_ clumsy hands, you mindless _oaf_!"

Remus was hardly aware that he had begun to grip onto the side of the cold stone wall for support, his nails scraping down the sides of the cold cobblestones as he continued to watch the scene unfold before him of the two witches arguing.

"I did not _mean_ this to happen, Madame Pince," Tonks's sweet voice murmured, sounding thoroughly embarrassed. "I'm _sorry_. Is there anything I can do to help?" she questioned, and Lupin swore he saw Pince roll her eyes in anger.

"Just get _out_ of my library! Stand there and don't do anything! I'm sure that's what you're used to anyway back at the Ministry of Magic, isn't it? Why they chose to bring _you_ on as an Auror is a mystery to us all, with your _clumsiness_!"

Remus narrowed his eyes and began to glare at the satisfied, sneering expression of the Hogwarts' librarian and felt a strangely hot, searing sensation spread to his chest from the pits of his churning and a slightly nauseated stomach.

It took the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor a moment to realize it was rage.

Lupin shook his head once or twice to clear it, peering at Tonks, who was standing in front of Madame Pince with her head bowed as a sign of shame, a shaggy lock of her long pixie cut falling in front of her face, shielding her expression from Remus.

He would store that information in his head for further inspection later, thinking this vivacious, bright young witch was not at all like any other woman he had ever met in his life, if the way she still continued to treat Madame Pince with respect, though in Remus's mind, the old librarian did not deserve it now.

Not with the harsh, cold way she was behaving towards _his_ new partner.

Lupin leaned in a little bit closer so he could see the young Aurors' face clearly.

Tonks wasn't bowing her head and looking down at the floor beneath her boots anymore.

She was now facing away from Madame Pince, her arms folded neatly at her sides, though she remained unflinching and confident in her resolve.

The witch had spirit, that much Remus could adequately say of his new partner, and clearly, she talked back not only to him but to everyone else as well, it seemed, for which he felt a strange sense of pride beginning to well in his chest.

She had dared to speak back to a superior, though she was not technically employed by Professor Dumbledore as a member of the Hogwarts staff, it could be argued that Madame Irma Pince was still very much Tonks's superior here.

Lupin shook his head to clear it, feeling the worst of his anger towards Pince dissipate, replaced by something that he could only describe as a growing affection.

He lifted his eyebrows as he witnessed Tonks shift at the waist slightly.

She was heading straight for the doors and he winced, stepping back away from the doors, not wanting her to have discovered him spying on them like this.

It wouldn't bode well into what was technically the first day of their new alliance and considering they had already gotten off to a rocky beginning in the first place, Remus did not want to make things worse for himself.

He was just pondering what to do about the nature of his little problem when a voice cut through the air, effectively pulling the young professor out of his thoughts of _her_.

"Professor Lupin? Whatever on _earth_ are you staring at, dear?" said Sprout.

Remus flinched at the sound of a female voice whispering from behind him and turned around rapidly on the heel of his shoes to see none other than Professors McGonagall and Sprout eyeing him with quizzical, concerned looks.

Both women were leaning up against the cold stone wall with arms folded, seeming to shrink into their set of thick robes for warmth as much as possible.

"What's going on, Professor? Is there a problem? Why are you lingering outside of the library? Are you…ill?" came Professor Sprout's blunt and curt tone.

Remus inwardly groaned and resisted the urge to squeeze his eyes shut and turn his head away, nestling his forehead in the palms of his hands in agitation.

This was perhaps the one time he did not need the comfort of a fellow Professor. In fact, he had a distinct feeling that the pair of women were going to scold him for the way he had acted towards the young woman; not that he didn't deserve it.

The women, Remus noticed, were also, rather regrettably, looking rather smug as Sprout and his old Head of House exchanged a knowing smirk.

"Nothing, nothing is wrong, Professor Sprout, but I thank you for your kind words of concern, Pomona," replied Lupin airily after a beat, right at the exact moment the wide oak double doors of the library swung open and there she stood in all her glory, looking thoroughly disgruntled and cross, huffing in frustration as she pointed her wand at her hair and a burst of warmth emanated from the tip, instantly drying her hair and sending the intoxicating smell of apples for some strange reason, to Lupin's nostrils.

Tonks seemed more than a little surprised to see the man here.

"Professor Lupin, sir," she murmured, a light pink blush speckling its way along her cheeks. Tonks's gaze flitted nervously towards Professors McGonagall and Sprout.

She bit the wall of her cheek and seemed to hesitate, wanting to linger though thought better of it, sensing Remus was in the company of Sprout and McGonagall, for which Lupin cursed the women for showing up when they had.

"I, ah, didn't know that you would be out here, Lupin," Tonks mumbled, the heat on her cheeks intensifying, quirking a delicately arched eyebrow Remus's way.

If she was suspicious as to why her partner was lurking outside the library doors, she hid her surprise well, for which he was grateful.

But Tonks did not offer Remus an opportunity to speak as she continued.

"I was hoping that you and I could talk, Professor? _Alone_?" Tonks asked, fixing Remus with a rather pointed stare that he wasn't all too sure what to make of.

He blinked, surprised, not anticipating that was the reaction she would have had, though he was the first to recover, though he could tell by the strange look dawning in the witch's pale gray eyes that she had already seen it for herself.

"I—yes, of course. I can, ah, meet you in my office in a few minutes?" he murmured, trying to ignore the knowing grin Sprout and McGonagall shot in the background.

He blushed, trying to put them out of his mind, and failing.

Tonks offered up no verbal response in return, merely proceeding to nod her head instead and shot him a shy, hesitant smile and turned her back on Remus.

It didn't escape his attention that Tonks still held the now-repaired book of Madame Pince's clutched tightly to her chest as she walked away, an odd little half-smile on his face that made him feel warm, from his chest down to his toes.

He felt his mouth go dry and his stomach churn as he watched her silhouette fade away as Auror Nymphadora Tonks rounded the corner and disappeared down the Grand Staircase, with the intent of heading to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom to wait for the man in his office.

He stifled a growl of frustration as Remus rounded on the two professors who had inevitably ruined the moment.

Professor McGonagall was the first to speak upon noticing Remus begin to walk down the corridor towards the Grand Staircase, intent on following Tonks.

"You know, you might fool everyone else, Mr. Lupin, but you cannot fool _me_ ," continued his old Head of House, eyeing one of her best former students knowingly, peering at her former student through the lenses of her spectacles.

Lupin merely proceeded to shoot Professor McGonagall a withering glower as he clenched his jaw, before turning away and cast his eyes down toward the floor.

"Fool you about what?" he muttered darkly under his breath in agitation.

Now it was Professor Sprout's turn to scoff and look towards her colleague for confirmation. Minerva's lips were pursed into such a thin, rigid line that the Head of Hufflepuff House was surprised that they did not disappear altogether.

"Miss _Tonks_ , dear," murmured Professor Sprouts, a look of exasperation on her face. "You and she are _partners_ , are you not? You like this woman, yes?"

Professor Sprout, try as hard as she might, was unable to keep the interest out of her matronly voice as she tottered alongside down the Grand Staircase, dong her best to keep up with Minerva and Remus, which was admittedly something of a difficult feat for her, considering how shorter and stouter she was.

She had never seen Remus John Lupin this flustered over a young witch before. No, scratch that, Ponoma Sprout thought, furrowing her brows.

Come to think of it, she had never seen Remus this flustered over a woman at all. Period.

Lupin gritted his teeth in annoyance. "She is none of your concern," he growled, his tone coming out perhaps harsher than he meant it to, for he flinched.

_Just great_ , he thought bitterly to himself. _As if the castle staff had nothing else to gossip about, the other professors will surely have a field day with this one_.

Professor McGonagall's voice from beside him as the trio of professors paused on the third-floor staircase's landing resonated clearly and rather sternly.

"Well, you certainly _seem_ concerned about her, Professor," retorted Professor McGonagall quickly as she looked towards their new Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor, who was starting to look a lot less composed than before the closer the trio got to the first floor, heading towards Professor Lupin's office.

_Towards her_ , Minerva thought, though she dared not speak that thought aloud. _Perhaps Albus was right. Perhaps Miss Tonks will do him a world of good_.

She noticed with some small hint of affection that Remus shot her a withering look before replying to her comment.

It was small and so subtle, that had Minerva not already been hanging onto the young man's every word and his movements, she'd have missed it entirely.

"Miss Tonks _is_ currently of interest, but not for the reasons you _think_ , Professor," he began hesitantly, his tone polite but underneath something dark lingered.

Minerva sensed it as the kind man's patience was beginning to be tested.

"Merlin pray to tell us, then, the _real_ reason behind your… _interest_ ," Professor Sprout piped up in a jovial tone that Remus found rather disconcerting.

Professor McGonagall was quick to nod her head in agreement. "The poor dear did seem rather…distraught, earlier when Pomona and I spotted her coming up here to the library. We followed her to ensure that she was all right, but we can see now,"

Here, she paused and exchanged an odd glance with her colleague, which Remus found suspicious.

As though the pair of older witches and seasoned Hogwarts professors knew something that he did not, "she already has _you_ looking out for her, Mr. Lupin," Minerva murmured, tapping her chin.

At his former Head of House's last remark, Remus could not help but feel another pang of guilt and worry as the troublesome emotions wormed its way into the pit of his churning stomach and caused his heartstrings to give a lurch.

Tonks had not openly _lied_ to him by failing to disclose to him the nature of her relationship with Sirius Black, but she was trying to avoid expressing _something_ to him, a thing which was troubling her greatly, and he could tell.

Behind the masked smile Tonks had worn on her face just now, there was a sense of sadness and shock. He did not need to rely on his wolfish characteristics, those heightened senses, to tell it for himself.

Tonks had looked anxiously to her left and right, seemingly embarrassed and unwilling to hold his gaze for too long.

He supposed he couldn't blame her for being unreasonably afraid.

Remus was, after all, a monster, and she had been paired with him for the duration of a year, or at least, however long it took the two of them to capture his old friend, Sirius.

Lupin froze, squeezing his eyes shut a moment, not wanting to think of him, instead, wanting to linger on thoughts of Tonks. It was those eyes of hers…

Remus had seen it in her eyes. He had seen it just now when the two had locked gazes and their eyes had met, in those pale gray orbs, so eerily beautiful yet haunting, at the untold secrets of her life that brimmed within, how her brain had built some new walls with her so damned bloody lonely on the other side.

He knew that if Nymphadora would merely give him a chance as her partner and start to learn to trust her more, then the two of them could tear down that wall brick by brick and start to feel what it truly meant to be each other's partner.

_Hypocrite_ , that snakelike voice at the back of his mind taunted him, that hissing sound that sounded entirely too much like Severus Snape for his comfort.

_You can't even bring yourself to tell the witch about your furry little problem!_

_Damn_ , he thought bitterly, barely stifling his wolfish growl of frustration that served as the silencer to the dark voice of his conscience inside his troubled mind.

It was _right_ , damn it. If he wanted the young witch to open up to him and confess what was on her mind, then she would undoubtedly expect the same of him, and for him to conceal the truth of the nature of his condition was unfounded.

Not when he was asking her, not in so many ways, to tell him of the nature of her relationship with his old friend.

He let out a sigh, carding his fingers through his hair, giving his head a curt shake to clear it, forcing his attentions back to Professors Sprout and McGonagall, both of whom stood in front of him, waiting like the polite older adults he knew the pair of them to be, for him to speak.

"This issue rests solely between her and me, Professor Sprout and McGonagall, but…"

He hesitated, biting down on his bottom lip in trepidation.

However, before he could elaborate further, Sprout let out a chuckle and lifted her hands in surrender.

Lupin tried to ignore the dirt from the greenhouses under the short, stout witch's fingernails but found it difficult not to focus on it.

" _Do_ forgive us, Mr. Lupin. Call it an insatiable sense of curiosity, from one colleague to another. You just seem to be going about the matter of handling your newfound relationship with your new partner in a very strange way, not telling any of us what ails you. I would expect you'd have made more progress with the girl by this point in time," Sprout murmured with furrowed eyebrows.

Lupin opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted again by Minerva.

"Why have you waited three days to find the poor dear, Mr. Lupin? Why have you waited so long in order to get to know her better? What ails you?"

She smiled up kindly at the man, who was admittedly a good two or three heads taller than she was, and reached up a hand and patted her former student affectionately on the shoulder, attempting to her best to act comfortingly to him.

Remus grimaced, feeling utterly ashamed and dumbfounded at how he had treated Nymphadora. How could he possibly fix this when it was all his fault?

This was a matter of the trust that they, as partners, placed in one another.

Or if he were being more accurate and honest with himself, the _lack_ of trust.

Was he going to question every semblance of their new relationship simply because Tonks felt she could not tell him one small minor aspect of her life?

An aspect that, again, if he was being honest with himself, did not matter in the slightest.

He didn't care that she and Sirius were related by blood. It changed nothing of how he thought of her.

Was he going to mistrust Tonks from now on because she felt as though she had to keep something from him? Could he even do that?

"I…" he began softly, pausing as he struggled to formulate his thoughts and find his words in a way that Professors McGonagall and Sprout could understand.

Finally, he found his voice, and it was soft and yet rough and coarse.

"I think that I hurt Nympha—I—I mean _Tonks_ ," he murmured. This statement shocked Sprout and McGonagall, who now looked at Remus with equally troubling locks of shock, horror, and disbelief, although McGonagall was looking strangely as though she were fighting against the urge to roll her eyes.

"Dear, that's quite _preposterous_. You haven't a violent bone in your body, Mr. Lupin, and you are perhaps one of the kindest souls I think I've ever met," Professor McGonagall retorted hotly, sounding on the verge of becoming annoyed with their Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor, and she fixed Lupin with a pointed stare and ignored the man's blush at her compliments of his personality. Professor McGonagall pursed her lips and sighed. "Though, I confess myself intrigued," she admitted, lifting her silver spectacles to pinch at the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger. "What do you mean 'you hurt her?'"

Professor Sprout quickly nodded her agreement with Minerva, an equally flustered and confused look on her slightly dirtied face, again courtesy of the plants she worked with in the greenhouses. "Yes, dear. Start making sense…"

Remus returned the nod and let out a sigh, carding his fingers through his thick tuft of short light brown hair.

After a few failed attempts, which were essentially strangled attempts at speech, the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor was able to convey to the Gryffindor and Hufflepuff Head of House everything thus far that had transpired between himself and Nymphadora Tonks.

The night on the train, in the Restricted Section with Draco Malfoy, of which both professors bristled silently with aghast looks of abject horror and utmost concern at the fact that the young Malfoy boy was meandering around the Restricted Section at so young an age without permission, but for the sake of wanting Remus to get to the point and quickly, the two teachers let it slide.

Personally, Lupin thought it amazing that Professor McGonagall hadn't offered one dry sardonic quip throughout the entire exchange.

He still remembered the day he had been summoned to McGonagall's office during their fifth year for career advice, with her practically yelling at him, demanding to know why he had not set up his appointment. When he had given her his reasonings, that no one would hire him due to the nature of his 'little condition,' McGonagall had scoffed at his reasoning, essentially told him to get a grip on himself, and had offered him a plate of biscuits while she presented him with an entire list of career options.

As he looked at McGonagall, he was half expecting the older witch to have a similar approach this time, and he could not stop the surge of warm affection that soared through his chest for his hold Head of House.

McGonagall, alongside Dumbledore and his friends, was one of few people in this world that genuinely believed in Remus's ability to have a normal life.

When the poor flustered man finally finished his explanation of events that had transpired to him thus far, a stingy three days into his brand new partnership with Tonks, he watched with minor bemusement as the two veteran Hogwarts professors put a hand to their chin and hummed thoughtfully, at once, in sync.

The sight would have been rather comical, if only the topic of their conversation did not make his heart feel rather heavy, like the damned stubborn, throbbed corded mass of muscle and tissue was now replaced by a heavy stone.

With the suspense of the ambiguity of not knowing what Sprout and McGonagall's answer would be, Lupin dug his nails into the skin of his palms so hard he swore he felt them bleed as he ground his teeth in nervous agitation.

It was nonsensical, how flustered over a witch he had allowed himself to become, and the fact that Professors Sprout and McGonagall did not immediately launch into a tirade about how well and truly he had made a mess of things, was telling, and he must have really gotten himself into a fix with what he had done.

Finally, it was Professor McGonagall who pierced the awkward silence.

"Listen to me carefully, Professor Lupin, and allow me, if you will, to make a few things _quite_ plain." McGonagall peered at him over the rims of her thin-rimmed silver spectacles before pushing her glasses back up over the bridge of her nose and letting out a tired sigh.

She looked at him with such a somber seriousness, and yet, there was a hint, just a glimmer of something else in the Transfiguration Professor's expression that Remus could not quite identify.

"There are…going to be some things that Miss Tonks simply is not comfortable talking with you about, so new into a new relationship, whether that be strict as colleagues or… _otherwise_."

Here, she fixed Lupin with a kind smile that he did not return, thinking it was none of their business, his romantic life, or lack of.

"If you want my opinion, I do not believe Miss Tonks has confided in anyone else of whatever has her so reluctant to talk to you or we'd have known about it."

" _How_?" Lupin snapped, his words coming out harsher than he meant to.

Professor Sprout and McGonagall shared a knowing look before shooting Remus a rather disappointed look, as though the women had expected better.

"Dumbledore," the witches answered in unison, and Lupin felt his blood boil.

Was the Hogwarts Headmaster truly _that_ much of a gossip hound? _Really_?

Apparently so if both Professor Sprout and Professor McGonagall thought so. Remus resisted the urge to growl in frustration and pull on tufts of his light brown hair, and favoring silence as an apt response.

"Then why is Tonks acting this way?" Lupin pleaded, flinching as the note of desperation crept into his quiet and reserved tones. "I don't understand, Professor. I've known my new partner all of three days, and already, she is keeping…something from me," he grumbled darkly, noting all too well Sprout and Minerva's interested looks, though neither witch chose to comment on it.

For which he was grateful. He did not want to have to explain himself.

Remus was saved from responding further when Professor Sprout chimed in with her two cents, deciding to try her hand at her former student's strange behavior.

"I've known Nymphadora a while now, my dear, as she was my student," she muttered sadly. "I do think you could not have asked for a better partner by your side during this difficult time," Sprout sighed, ignoring the flinch Remus gave at the notion of Sirius she had not-so-subtly alluded to by also mentioning his cousin in the same breath, "If you ask me, she doesn't want to make you feel burdened by whatever is bothering her. She's quite a selfless young witch, you know, Mr. Lupin. Miss Tonks is only doing what any good partner would do and looking after you, my dear."

But Lupin was not so easily convinced. He let out a haggard sigh and shook his head in frustration. "But that does not make any sense, Professor Sprout. We barely know each other, I _know_ that," he murmured, a pink blush speckling along his cheeks. "But what on _earth_ could be so important that she thinks she has to _keep_ it from me?"

But Merlin's Beard, he already had a feeling he knew what that ' _thing'_ might be, and to lie to his teeth to not only his former Head of House but now Nymphadora's as well felt terribly, horribly wrong and awful.

It was Professor McGonagall who held the last word.

"It does not matter at this point in time, Professor Lupin. What matters the most is that whatever it happens to be, it is enough to make Miss Tonks extremely uncomfortable, so uncomfortable that she feels as though she cannot confide in you its nature. For the time being, until the two of you are more acquainted with one another in your efforts to bring Black to justice, I advise dropping it and leaving the matter alone and let the poor dear tell you in her own time when she's good and ready."

The Herbology Professor was quick to nod her agreement with her colleague's answer and couldn't resist chiming in with her two cents.

"Mr. Lupin, forcing her to speak of whatever is bothering her will only succeed in driving a wedge between the two of you. I know that this is a relatively new experience before, from what little we know of you now that you're a professor within these walls."

Lupin nodded, though he noticed out of the corner of his eyes how McGonagall's chest puffed up slightly with pride at one of her former best and brightest now returned to Hogwarts to teach, though Sprout continued speaking, causing him to pull his gaze from McGonagall and back towards Pomona Sprout.

"You must be patient on this one. Let the young lady come to _you_ , Remus."

Remus let out a sigh and carded his fingers through his hair as the trio finally stepped off the bottommost step of the Grand Staircase at the first-floor hallway.

It was not the answer he particularly wanted to hear, but he knew that both veteran professors were right. McGonagall and Sprout were very rarely wrong.

"You're right, Professor. Both of you," he added, almost as an afterthought as his gaze flitted nervously from Sprout to McGonagall as he rubbed one of his arms nervously and tugged at his sweater slightly in order to straighten in.

His partner was behind the closed door of his Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom and he really needed a moment to convince himself that he didn't look a mess, though he already knew this to be pointless and hopeless. He always was.

"Tonks will talk to me when she feels she is ready," he murmured, keeping his pointed gaze fixated on the closed door, wishing he possessed the ability to see through walls and behind closed doors, wanting to know what she was doing. "I already saw what happened when I pressed her for an explanation. I won't do that again, but I do owe it to her to try to make amends. If you will excuse me."

"Of course, dear, come to any one of us anytime you feel the need to talk, Remus," Professor McGonagall muttered courteously, inclining her head as a sign of respect, watching interestedly as Lupin took a moment to calm his nerves, steeling himself before outstretching his hand and turning the doorknob of the door that led to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom and Lupin's office.

Lupin nodded, though he did not glance back over his shoulder as he wanted to speak to Tonks before he lost his resolve.

Talking with Sprout and McGonagall made him feel a little bit better than before, knowing the pair of them were right.

If the two of them, meaning he and Tonks, were going to make this partnership work between the two of them, he was going to have to trust her.

He did not think she was shutting him out to hurt him on purpose. There was a reason Tonks had walked away from him and taken the course of action that she had; Remus just needed to let Tonks come to him when she was ready.

And he would be there for her when she did. As her partner. And maybe, even sooner than that, as her friend.

* * *

**I do love writing for Minerva. Much like Molly, McGonagall is another that I feel would succeed in giving our favorite werewolf good, solid advice. Coming up in Chapter 10, Tonks and Remus (finally) have that conversation and can hopefully make amends.**


	10. To Say Sorry

**10**

**TONKS** didn't know _what_ she was doing here, alone in the deserted Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, anxiously twirling her wand in between her fingers, all the while trying not to break out in a cold sweat and bite her lip in a fit of anxious anticipation.

She could not shake how Professor Lupin had observed her in the Restricted Section with the gaze of a stranger, that…aloof judgment with no strings at all.

From afar, Tonks could tell the man had made some opinion of her and her character, of which she supposed she couldn't fault him for, as she'd done the same.

She did not _mean_ to speak ill of Remus, he must do this, as must they all.

The witch could not help but wonder what Professor Lupin saw when he looked at her.

Oh, she knew what all those hormone-filled teenaged boys, the fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh-year boys saw whenever they looked at her face.

People had said that she was bright and beautiful; just like her aunt Bellatrix and her mother, Andromeda, which Tonks was not sure that she believed them.

If she _were_ beautiful, she would not have been cast aside when Ollie had broken her heart and dumped her for Norah Jameson, a girl who happened to be her friend, _and_ a werewolf, besides _,_ which she wondered if Lupin would find _that_ interesting, to know that a wolf could have a life outside of that mundane existence.

The man seemed determined to keep people at arm's length, at a distance.

As she waited in silence in the empty Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, she thought she was beginning to understand why Remus John Lupin walked around with such a quiet, reserved manner, hardly talking to anyone.

It was armor, of sorts.

A way to keep people at bay, to stop them from discovering things (like his lycanthropy) that he did not wish them to know of.

To stop them from reading between the lines. Tonks let out a haggard breath and leant her forehead against her wrists, biting the inside wall of her cheek.

She wanted nothing more than to forget the entire misunderstanding in the Great Hall, and then earlier in the Black Lake with Sirius, but she couldn't.

Those pale gray orbs of her cousin's, seeming to pierce right through her eyes and bearing straight into her soul.

How the man had been _spying_ on her!

Tonks furrowed her brows as she thought of that man. Sirius Black.

How he was rumored to have been something of a womanizer, and she could not help but wonder if _that_ was the reason that she had caught the man spying on her!

She shuddered, the very unpleasant thought making her skin crawl. Merlin's Beard, but she was his _cousin_!

Tonks wondered if there had been an obvious reason as to why all the women in Sirius Black's old life, if rumors of her cousin's flings were true, why they let him do as he liked.

Though Tonks had eyes, she couldn't quite fully manage to bring herself to trust what she saw through them, considering she never put much stock into a person's appearance, preferring to judge them based on their actions and their personality, how they behaved around other people.

The man that she had laid eyes on that stood on top of that boulder watching her take a forbidden swim in the Black Lake was arresting and strangely hypnotic.

Even Tonks could not deny that the man was most likely not made up of the same flesh and blood as most other witches and wizards that she knew of.

With dark hair that fell in waves to just past the edges of his shoulders, a Roman-like jaw, and a strong, discerning brow, he looked almost otherworldly. Well, _almost_. Though he had been too far away to make out too many details of the man's face, she'd been able to find no warmth in his pale gray orbs.

Eyes that were almost strikingly close to hers, and Tonks had witnessed Black staring at her with such a direct contempt and disgust that she was sure the forest area around her had instantly become colder, and the water too, besides.

Shivering, Tonks gritted her teeth and wrapped her arms around her middle, wishing she'd thought to bring a sweater or a cloak. It was bloody freezing in this classroom, remembering how Sirius Black had looked at her like she was prey. That was perhaps the moment that she had truly become frightened, maybe for the first time in her entire life.

Tonks was not a woman who scared easily. The truth was, as a newly graduated Auror, Tonks always believed herself to be strong and resilient, traits she had inherited from both of her parents, particularly her mother, Andromeda, and she'd never felt scared of any man before, prior to tonight.

It wasn't as though she lacked experience in dealing with them. There were plenty of times when some bloke in The Leaky Cauldron would come up to her and try to cop a feel or touch her butt.

She'd always managed to fend them off, and even defend herself on a few different occasions.

But… Tonks knew there was something dark, something dangerous about escaped convict Sirius Black, cousin or not, and it had nothing to do with their familial relationship or the fact that he was a mass murderer, and she was an Auror.

Judging by the fact that she had caught him watching her on top of the boulder while she'd swam in the Black Lake to try to calm down her nerves, she made an assessment of the man that Black was unpredictable, unhinged, even.

That smoldering, fathomless look of anger in his eyes, how the skin of his brow was practically pulled taut and tight as he'd glowered at her from his perch.

It was all frankly too much for Tonks's mind to process, but one thing was clear. From what little she saw of him; her cousin was not what she'd expected.

And what was even more puzzling to her, was how Professor Lupin could have been friends with this—this _creep_ , who fancied spying on young women.

Sirius, from his perch on the boulder, had been glaring at her with such anger, that Tonks felt sure he was going to dive into the water alongside her and assault her in the water, or worse, try to drown her and no one would find her.

Tonks did not know what had happened to cause her cousin to change his mind and vanish on the spot, what had made the man change his mind and let her go.

Perhaps he'd heard something that had spooked him and made a break for it, she didn't bloody know, nor did she particularly give a damn right now.

She supposed she should be glad that her cousin seemed to have at least a small amount of mercy, however minuscule, within himself.

Maybe Black had taken pity on her or realized that he would have been caught if he tried anything. Not that that would have given the escaped convict any cause for concern.

Considering he had murdered twelve innocent Muggles and Remus Lupin's old friend, Peter Pettigrew, Tonks was sure Sirius could get away with anything.

But the way that he had looked at her. Torment and pain-ridden on the man's features, just before he had Disapparated, she was sure she had seen that.

The likes of which, she had never seen in another human being before, it being the last thing she expected to see in those pale gray orbs that were like hers.

Tonks wouldn't let herself think this next thought, but the young witch swore the man almost looked… _ashamed_. Remorseful of his past transgressions.

She could see why the man kept people at bay, not wanting others to see that side of him. Tonks let out a tired sigh and rested her cheek in her right fist.

A noise coming from her immediate left made her jump, startling her out of her musings of Professor Lupin and of Sirius Black and Tonks slid off the ledge of the desk she had perched herself on, her wand at the ready and held out in front of her.

She swore she felt her pupils dilate, even in the dark like this. The young witch bit down on her bottom lip and she practically jumped out of her skin for a second time when the rattling noise came at her again.

Her inquisitive gaze swept the room, and once she saw what it was, the tension in her shoulders melted away and she allowed her body to relax a little.

"Only a boggart," she grumbled, lowering her wand, though she was tempted to open the wardrobe and let the shapeshifter out and deal with it so it was one less thing to trouble Professor Lupin. "No, I—I _shouldn't_ ," she whispered to herself, stowing her wand away in her black bag and moving to resume sitting on her perch on top of some poor student's old desk that had been graffitied on.

Tonks nodded herself, a muscle in her jaw twitching. "I should let it alone. He might be keeping it around for his classes," she murmured to herself and was surprised when a male's voice rent the air behind her, startling her for a second time in one night.

 _His_ voice.

"You'd be right in that regard, Tonks," Lupin muttered quietly.

Tonks felt her almond-shaped pale gray orbs widen and round in shock as she slid off her perch of the desk and whirled around on the heel of her boot to regard her newly appointed partner, throwing Remus Lupin a furtive, guilty look.

"Remus," Tonks murmured, flinching as she heard the faltering crack and dip in her voice as she assessed the man in his simple brown suit, thinking that it was good to see the teacher in respectable clothing that actually fit his form, lean and somewhat lanky though it was, he was looking much healthier these days.

He just looked at her, and his expression changed into one of worried confusion. His wondrous voice which she had grown accustomed to now had no words as he stepped forward and into a shaft of light streaming in through one of the paned windows of his classroom, and he flinched as the light hit his scars.

But that was not what Tonks was focused on. The light brown of the man's eyes was more radiant than she had expected, rich like hot cocoa, darker than the boughs of an old oak tree in the forest.

She blinked, and then her eyes slowly adjusted to the rest of the man's face.

Tonks felt an incredible fiery heat creep to her cheeks as she quickly came to the realization that Remus Lupin had probably expected her to be afraid of the monstrous scars that marred and littered his face, or stunned into confusion or terror by his appearance, as Tonks slowly was able to put together the information that her reaction to him must not be a common one.

Sweet, charming, imaginative. Kind. Loyal. Quiet. Shy, almost timid, even.

Those were the first thoughts Tonks had of Lupin, not ones of fear or disgust, and a pit began to churn uncomfortably in her stomach as a sharp feeling of cold fear wafted over her and threatened to engulf her entire body completely.

She realized that no, she was not about to hurt her new partner further, and she owed the man an apology for keeping her secret, even if she wasn't ready to tell him yet.

This man had faced a lifetime of ridicule and scorn for his condition that he held no control over, and Tonks knew she was not about to continue that treatment.

Tonks closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath.

"I…"

Tonks paused in hesitation, struggling to find the right verbiage to use, but in the end, she only had one thing that she wanted to say.

 _Here it goes_.

"I'm sorry, Remus, for how I treated you," she began, right as he began to apologize.

A flicker of movement caught her attention out of the corner of her peripherals, and when Tonks turned her head to the side to glance out the window, she turned to find him staring at her.

Lupin could only watch, amazed and transfixed, rooted to his spot as the soft beams of the waning moonlight hit Nymphadora's tired, pale face and threw everything in this classroom that was currently in shadow into the pearly light.

When her short, shaggy vivacious pink hair came into contact with the soft hues from the moon, it shone with a new kind of radiance and captured the underlying flecks of what appeared to be purple throughout the pink, it was hard for him to tell.

And in that single moment, the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor felt his breaths catch in his throat, and when he opened his mouth to try to speak, it felt as though there were a gag on his mouth, his heartbeats thrummed wildly against his chest, that cage of bone and cartilages, and he felt quite hot suddenly.

Tonks looked… _gorgeous_.

He tried to swallow down past the growing lump forming in his throat as it hollowed and constricted, cutting off air to his passageways and found that he could not, so he gave up trying, and as quickly as the good feeling had come, that wonderful warm feeling residing in his chest, it vanished.

His heart plummeted to the pit of his stomach, making him feel sick.

How could a witch-like this woman ever want to be paired with someone the likes of him? Why was Tonks willing to spend so much of her time, her life, around a monster, a beast, like him?

Though he had known her all maybe a half-hour now, at best, Lupin could not help but to feel humbled by her presence. That there was an inkling that his new partner could grow to care for a wretched, accursed werewolf like him was almost impossible. Unfathomable.

But _why_? And for how long? How long would their partnership continue to last before she would leave him for good?

Would she leave once Sirius had been apprehended and escorted back to Azkaban Prison, where he would surely die within its walls or at the hands of the Kiss from a Dementor for betraying James and Lily and murdering poor Peter?

How long before this came to an end?

"Remus?"

"Mmm?" Lupin blinked; the soft sound of that beautiful voice drew him back to reality. He'd been so engrossed in his moment of pity and self-doubt and deprecation that Tonks had somehow managed to close off the gap of space and now stood a mere few feet away from him, the closest she had stood before.

He raised his head to meet the young witch's gaze but the look of utmost concern and something akin to a nervous trepidation in her pale gray orbs was not exactly what Remus had been expecting to see.

Tonks tilted her head to the side and let out a tired sigh as she cocked a delicately arched thin eyebrow in his direction.

Lupin furrowed his brows in a frown, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jacket in order to hide the fact that his hands were trembling from Tonks.

He inwardly cursed himself for being so nervous around a witch. He'd never acted a fool quite like this before, so why in the name of Merlin was he now?

Tonks, for her part, either did not notice Remus's strange behavior or chose to pointedly ignore it, for which Remus was grateful and silently tried to thank the witch with his eyes. She straightened her head and furrowed her eyebrows.

She let out a tired-sounding sigh, looking towards the window and out at the Hogwarts Grounds for a moment before turning back to Remus.

"I'm sorry." Her voice was small, meek, and sounded barely above a whisper, and Lupin thought that if he had not already been hanging onto his partner's every word, he felt certain that he would have missed her unfounded apology entirely now.

Remus felt his eyes widen in shock and disbelief, and he could not help the shock that seeped into his tones as he spluttered, trying to think of a retort to say.

"Wh—what?" he croaked hoarsely. "What are _you_ sorry for, Tonks?" He flinched and fell silent as Tonks' expression quickly turned from one of remorse into utter confusion, and her lips parted open slightly in shock, though it seemed a moment before the vivacious young witch managed to find her voice again.

Her brows furrowed in a frown as they came together on her forehead as she cocked her head to the side and regarded Lupin with an incredulous look.

"What do you mean, 'what for,' Remus? I hurt you, Professor, that's why."

"What? Hurt… _me_?" Now Lupin felt more confused than he had only a moment ago outside his classroom with Professor Sprout and McGonagall, which was saying something.

What on Merlin's green earth did Tonks have to apologize to him for? He was the one who had turned away from her in the Great Hall and had not bothered to want to listen to whatever it was that Tonks had to say.

" _I_ am the one who should apologize, Tonks," he muttered. "I hurt _you_ , Dora…"

Tonks stared at Lupin, opening her mouth to say something in response, but Remus supposed she must have thought better of it because she clamped her lips together tightly shut.

He could only watch in silence as his new partner gave a soft sigh and ran her hands through her maroon-colored shaggy long pixie, toying with a lock of her bangs in between her thumb and forefinger as she bit her lip in hesitation before speaking again.

"Maybe," Tonks began, slowly, cautiously, careful to mind her choice of words as she untangled her fingers from her thick hair and offered him a shy smile that caused his heart to pound relentlessly against its cage. "We _both_ apologize for the way that we acted towards one another tonight and try to move forward?"

Lupin hesitated, but only for a fraction of a second. "I think that's a good idea," he answered softly, returning her kind smile with a shy one of his own.

The suspended moment between joy and relief as Tonks drew in a breath and held it, her mind processing Lupin's agreement to her statement, Remus knew, was worth it as the corners of her mouth twitched, her relief expressed by the slightest curve at her mouth's corner and her youthful confidence worn in a slight raise of her eyebrows above her joyful light gray eyes as she smiled back.

Her gray eyes twinkled and seemed to sparkle in delight, and before Lupin had any chance to react, she bounded forward on her heels and launched herself in full force over the close proximity of distance between the two of them and embraced him in a hug, sending poor Remus's mind positively reeling in shock.

The hug was a simple enough gesture—affection, perhaps, dared Remus to hope this next part, even the fragile beginnings of a tentative friendship, in time. The arms that held him were soft and yet strong. The feel of Tonks' body so close to him soothed him more than Remus could have possibly expected.

But within seconds, he pulled away, his mind swimming not with the heady excitement of a new partnership, but thoughts of Nymphadora Tonks, instead. Not their partnership, not what she would think of his lycanthropy when he was comfortable enough to reveal to his partner the truth, but…just…her.

 _Just her_.

Though before he could ponder this startling revelation further, Tonks spoke up again, and he blinked, forcing his mind to return to whatever she was saying.

Lupin blinked again and was stuck once more on those haunting pale gray orbs of hers that reminded him of the last ashes of a deadly wildfire.

"I—I'm sorry that I hurt you, Remus," Tonks whispered, taking a slightly faltering step back and painfully wringing her hands together as she bit her lip and wriggled her eyebrows at Lupin, trying to gauge what his reaction would be. "I just…it's hard for me right now. I—I still can't tell you why, not _yet_ , Remus. I hope that you can understand…but…since we're going to be partners, friends, even, you and I, there's no one that I trust more than you, Remus. You have my back in this relationship, just as I swear to always have yours, sir," Tonks confessed quietly.

Lupin swallowed down hard past the lump forming in his throat as his heart soared at the young witch's words.

Though it was not enough to stop the feeling of dejection and disheartenment that caused his heart to sink to the pit of his stomach, that Tonks still could not tell him exactly what was troubling her, but at least, he supposed that he should be grateful that she'd managed to summon the courage and the resolve to tell him that _something_ was bothering her lately.

Remus nodded mutely, his brain struggling to form the right words, though in the end, his heart spoke for him.

"It is quite all right, Tonks. I'm here for you as your partner whenever you want to talk. I'm sorry that I—"

But Tonks held up a hand and interjected before he could finish.

" _Don't_ ," she emphasized darkly, her gray eyes narrowing slightly as she fixed Remus with a pointed stare.

Sensing the hurt and surprised laced on Professor Lupin's lined face, something within her seemed to shift and gave way, and she sighed.

Her expression softened.

"Please don't," Tonks pleaded quietly, lifting her chin, and jutting it out slightly defiantly to meet the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor's quizzical gaze. "There is nothing left to apologize for, Remus. _Don't_."

Remus furrowed his brows in a frown, opening his mouth to vehemently argue, that Tonks was wrong in this regard, that yes, he had _plenty_ to apologize for, but before he could get a word in edgewise, the wardrobe behind them both gave a loud thumping rattle, startling Tonks and she let out a pitiful little groan.

"Oh, the boggart! I forgot!" She turned around to glance at the tattered old wardrobe and then back to Remus with a mischievous grin featured on her face that he wished he could see more of. "Your third-year-students are in for quite an interesting lesson, Professor, aren't they?" Tonks queried him, quirking her brows in an adorable way, he thought.

"That they are."

Remus was inclined to agree, unable to keep the note of surprise out of his voice as he watched as Tonks eyed the wardrobe containing the boggart with a nervous look of trepidation flitting across her pale face, and then a thought struck him and the question was out of his mouth before he could even think of stopping himself.

"What frightens you, Auror Tonks?" he asked, hoping that his voice sounded nonchalant, light, and casual.

Lupin did not know what had prompted him to ask of his new partner such a personal question barely a day into their new acquaintanceship with one another, but it was already much too late to take back his words as Tonks turned to Lupin, her face pulled tight and taut, and he almost instantly regretted asking.

Every thought seemed focused on masking her fears, shielding them from him, Remus noticed, her pale gray eyes dimmed as Tonks pointed looked at him.

When she managed to regain control of her voice, Remus was surprised to hear the faltering crack and dip in her voice.

"It—it isn't _pleasant_ , Professor. You—you would not want to see, and neither would your students, sir. It would only frighten and confuse them if I were to show it," Tonks murmured, ducking her head in shame.

He hated to admit it to himself, but now, more than ever, his curiosity had been piqued, and he did want to see, though he knew it was wrong to push her.

Remus cursed himself, his jaw clenching tightly shut in anger as his new partner, with whom he had just made amends turned away from him and walked towards the door of his classroom that led back out into the corridor to leave.

He racked his brain as he desperately thought of something— _anything_ —that he could think of to talk about to get the young witch to stay with him.

In his mind, he wanted the time to linger, to be near and close to Tonks.

"Dora, if I have offended you in any way just now, I apologize," he murmured, lowering his voice, and wincing as he heard the desperation seep its way into his voice. "I—I meant no offense just now by asking, but…" Here, he paused, hesitating, biting down on his tongue as he noticed this gave her pause.

She slowly pivoted at the waist and lifted her gaze to meet Remus's. "Yes?"

Lupin racked his brain reeling with possibilities, as he struggled to think of something, and it was in that moment as the boggart trapped inside the wardrobe gave another particularly violent jostle of the wardrobe, causing her to flinch, that he got an idea.

A truly marvelous and yet horrible, all-around-probably bad idea just then.

"I don't suppose you'd care to sit in on my lesson next week on Friday, would you?" he posed, turning to the side so Tonks could only make out his side profile, bathing his face in the shadows so that, in the event that she said no to his invitation, the young witch would not see the disappointment etched upon his scarred, lined face.

It seemed to take her an eternity to find her voice. And then—

"Of course. I'd like that. I'm curious to learn for myself of your teaching abilities if you're as good as everyone else says that you are, Remus. I wouldn't miss it, sir. You should consider yourself lucky. You have a gift. A talent for teaching."

Here, Tonks inclined her head, her hand hovering on the doorknob to his classroom, and Lupin felt his heart soar as she twisted it, and before she could say another word, she shot him a smile and disappeared, leaving Professor Lupin stunned to stare after her, a look of shock on his features.

Tonks would not know it for herself, but her deduction on Remus Lupin's character was one very few in the man's life had ever dared to make, except for those in his life that knew him best.

Nymphadora Tonks had the rare ability to see past a person's exterior and into the inner worlds of those around the witch.

It was this fact that stumped Remus John Lupin and left the man sleepless for the rest of the night, wondering why every time he attempted to close his eyes, he only saw visions of _her_ , those haunting gray orbs, her bright white smile.

She had achieved something that no one in his life ever had, not even the other Marauders. She had gotten the upper hand, holding up the mirror to him.

And it was about to have major changes to their partnership, beyond anything that Nymphadora Tonks and Remus Lupin could have ever imagined.

* * *

**Glad the two were able to begin the beginnings of making amends to a hopefully beautiful partnership. The next chapter features an unfortunate accident from a certain creature that sends poor Hagrid into a tizzy, but will Tonks' efforts be enough to calm the beast?**


	11. Buckbeak's Beastly Behavior

**11**

**TONKS** _knew_ she had made a bloody mistake by agreeing to supervise Hagrid's Care of Magical Creatures class, the day before, in fact, that she had agreed to stop by Professor Lupin's Defense Against the Dark Arts class to see how his group of third-year-students dealt with that old nasty boggart in the decrepit wardrobe.

She had _not_ anticipated that she would be dealing with an angry hippogriff and learning that Malfoy had managed to insult the vain and proud beast in the process.

Maybe it hadn't been a great idea to rush into this, and it felt like a failure in this regard was not a possibility at this point, not with all of these kids screaming and running away from the enraged Buckbeak, terrified the hippogriff would attack him next.

This single hippogriff, though somewhat unfamiliar to Tonks, did not seem like much of a threat.

She bit the wall of her cheek and kept her wand mid-level, lowering it slightly so as to not be perceived by the beast as a hostile threat.

It was bigger than a human. Definitely bigger than her, for sure.

"Easy, Buckbeak, buddy," Tonks murmured as a sheen of perspiration had started to throng on her forehead. "Let's all just…calm down, yeah, shall we? You don't want to hurt me, yeah?"

The hippogriff, Merlin damn it, did not find her attempts to quell its temper amusing, and responded by letting out a harsh shrill screech of immense displeasure.

For her against this hippogriff, it seemed like a minor inconvenience more than anything else. Hagrid had escorted the Malfoy boy to the Hospital Wing, leaving her alone to deal with this prideful, enraged creature.

Tonks had ordered the rest of his class to clear out, ending the lesson on a grim and somber note, unsure of the outcome of Buckbeak's attack on Draco. From what she knew of the Malfoy family, the results were surely going to be less than ideal, as no doubt good old Lucius Malfoy would hear of this from his son.

She gave her head a curt shake to clear it, shoving aside thoughts of Lucius Malfoy for now. She'd deal with Draco later. Now, it was just her and this _beast_.

Tonks could take care of this creature. Quick and easy, it wouldn't be a big deal. She had been up against something similar before, sometimes even worse, and had gotten through it in the end.

But it didn't take long for Tonks's confidence to waver, considering how agitated the Hippogriff was, flapping its wings in agitation, its tail flicking wildly.

After spending not even five minutes attempting to calm down Buckbeak, Tonks was rendered breathless, a bit scratched up, a cut trickling blood on her brow and down her cheek, and she was even trying to calm it down from a distance with her wand. She hadn't even _intended_ on getting too close to it.

It was beginning to look like Buckbeak the Hippogriff had her outmatched, and Tonks did not want to dare admit that to herself or anybody else around, and she supposed she was lucky no one was around to witness this for themselves.

This fiend was _quick_ , Merlin damn it! The hippogriff was able to dodge several of her jinxes she fired at Buckbeak's general direction with the intent to subdue, not maim or injure the poor frightened beast! The only thing she would succeed in doing is provoking its anger even further.

The hippogriff roared in frustration and lunged towards the frazzled young witch with sharp, deadly precision in its movements. The creature's talons were razor-sharp and pointy, and the speed and ferocity with which this hippogriff moved were unparalleled.

With a pained and sharp gasp, Tonks took a faltering, stumbling step backward as Buckbeak lunged towards her.

She raised her wand shakily and fired a spell, a Stunning Spell, and either missed the beast entirely or hit it where it didn't matter, and then fell back onto the earthen floor beneath her black boots.

Tonks grimaced, her face contorting into a pained expression as she felt sharp stones and twigs digging into her hands as she used her wrists to support her fall.

Dirt and rocks had been kicked up by both her and the hippogriff she was attempting and failing to subdue, making visibility, and breathing rather difficult.

The whole forest clearing was a Merlin-damned bloody, awful mess. As she forced herself to scramble up onto her hands and knees, looking at the creature with a pained wince, her lungs gasping and heaving for sweet, precious airflow, her heart gave a painful lurch as she swore she saw Lupin's silhouette emerge.

 _Merlin damn it_ , she thought through gritted teeth, huffing in frustration, and swiping a lock of dark plum hair out of her eyes. Tonks debated whether or not she should call out to the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher or not, suggesting that the man flee and save himself the potential injury from an agitated hippogriff.

She did not want to be the one to say it, but she was in over her head.

Gritting her teeth together and staggering forward as she attempted to scramble to her feet, the young witch couldn't help but scream at what she saw before her wide, fearful gray-blue eyes.

"Professor, get down!" she shouted, raising her wand up to aim at the hippogriff that was charging the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Remus having noticed that Tonks was in trouble and had stepped into the hippogriff's clearing in order to help Tonks.

Before the young professor had a chance to even wonder what his new partner was screaming at him for, Tonks felt a horrible, sharp pain in her left arm, as the creature's beak clamped down over the limb, viciously tugging the young witch backward, off her feet.

Tonks let out a startled scream and accidentally relinquished her ironclad grip on her wand as she was dragged rather harshly against the ground by Buckbeak in the Hippogriff's agitated state, for a moment, hardly even feeling the throbbing pain in her arm as her assailant dragged the poor Auror backward, its beak tearing viciously into the delicate flesh of her skin, and she felt blood well.

Pain seared through her arm hotter than the branding of a Dark Mark, her mind conceding to the torment as Buckbeak's grip on her arm only tightened, unable to bring a thought to completion.

Without meaning to, her body curled into something fetal, all the while the pain burned and radiated. The pain wasn't sharp, like needlepoint or a knife, it burned around her arm hotter than boiling water.

Everything felt scalded, and move or not, Tonks was in more pain than she could have ever imagined was at all possible. A Killing Curse would be mercy right now, but for Buckbeak to let go of her arm before the beast wrenched it right out of its socket, or _worse_ , even clean off, was the best that Tonks hoped for.

Gritting her teeth together as Tonks twisted her body in an effort to get the hippogriff to let go and in an effort to reclaim her wand, Tonks quickly realized that the beast had dragged her too far away from it, hellbent on making her pay for agitating him further.

She breathed in a shaking breath as her wand lay nestled on top of a pile of fallen leaves, several yards away, but she had no way to get to it. Not with her arm wrapped so securely in her aggressor's beak-like this, and with the pain taking over her mind, she was unable to concentrate her energy on using her nonverbal magic to summon her wand back to her, much less get Buckbeak to let go of her arm.

" _Let_. _Go_!" Tonks screamed in a hoarse, fading voice, balling her free hand into a fist and punching out at the hippogriff's face, an act of aggression that only succeeded in angering it even more because it merely proceeded to clamp down its beak even further, and then she felt its talons dig into her arm as well, and that _really_ bloody hurt, making her already-injured arm throb in pain as a pained cry escaped her lips.

"R—Remus, help me!" she begged through her gut-wrenching screams, moving her free arm up over her face and head in an attempt to protect herself from further attacks as the hippogriff thrashed wildly, or at the very least, shield her eyes from view as she did not want to watch as this thing dug its talons into her stomach and gutted her intestines to her death.

This promptly shattered whatever futile hopes she'd had of defining her career as an Auror and apprehending Sirius Black. Tonks couldn't even manage one wild hippogriff on her own. She felt like such a failure as a consequence of her own stupidity. She was a liability here. She needed help, she'd gotten in way over her head, she screwed up, and now she was seriously injured.

Tonks couldn't get out of this on her own, and her only prayer was that Professor Lupin would come to his partner's aid and help her out, just this once.

He could be mad and scream at her later. She would even be the first to admit that she bloody deserved it. Tonks could be embarrassed and ashamed later, but for now, she just needed to get out of this, and she couldn't do it on her own. She felt the entire forest clearing around her start to spin, her vision ebbing and flowing, blackening at the edges as it faded.

Tonks had admittedly never fainted quite like this before, and she wondered if the dizziness and the light-headed sensation she was currently experiencing was a warning sign that her arm was losing too much blood.

It was then, as the creature bit down on her arm even harder this time, and she swore she saw a flash of red light whizz its way past her head towards the hippogriff, narrowly missing her right ear in the process, that a strange thought entered into her mind.

_I wonder if Remus would enjoy Hogsmeade with me…_

* * *

Remus, who stood rooted to his spot, watched in horror as his partner went limp in the hippogriff's beak, her arm held hostage by the hippogriff's beak. His heart instantly rose up into his throat and he tasted bile as the beast finally let go, and the young witch fell against the soft earthen floor of the forest clearing the pair had found themselves in, her arm bleeding profusely and poor Tonks was clearly unresponsive.

Buckbeak lowered his head and nudged Tonks's head backward, exposing pale, vulnerable skin as her head lolled back.

He watched, lips parted open in shock, as the beast raised one of its hind legs and held it squarely over her chest, and his eyes flew open even wider. It was going to strike her, and the force of his blow, not to mention the hippogriff's talons digging into her skin would kill her.

Tonks was going to die from blood loss if he didn't do something— _anything_ —that he could think of to save her life.

" _No_!" Before he could question his actions, or quite possibly even have time to sort through his burning range of emotions at the horrific, grisly sight before him, Lupin pointed his wand with a steady, firm hand squarely at the hippogriff's chest. " _Immobilus_!"

The spell had almost an instantaneous effect as the creature ceased to move, become unmoved, unstirred, almost like a statue.

If Lupin had been confused before when he had stumbled across the odd scene, he was most certainly panic-stricken now as he rushed to his partner's side, his face blanching at how much blood she had lost, and if, he wasn't mistaken, the beast had pulled her arm clean out of its socket and dislocated it.

"Merlin's Beard…" She did not respond to his words, seeming not to see him at all, though a muted, watered-down, half-choked sob escaped her lips, and a single tear fell from her right eyelid.

It was enough for him to act, hearing that sound filled with such utter anguish and despair at her new injury, that poor Professor Lupin nearly felt his own heart cry out as his heartstrings gave a painful lurch just now.

Much to his relief, Tonks opened her eyes with a small, shaking breath and focused her gaze more than a few feet in front of herself. Lupin breathed a relieved exhale through his nose, his hands shaking as he knelt at her side and assessed her wounds.

"N—no, Merlin's left...not _this_ ," he groaned. He shook his head almost violently. He could not do this now, whatever 'this' happened to be. He could not afford to panic. Not when his partner needed him to be strong and for him to help her get to the Hospital Wing in whatever ever way he could. "It's all right, Tonks," he murmured, wincing as he heard the warbling note of fear laced in his tones. "Y—you're safe, I promise. The—the hippogriff is incapacitated."

Remus shook himself, hard. He had to try and stay calm. They were alone unless more help came, and the responsibility fell to him to ensure Nymphadora's safety.

Yet how _could_ he help Tonks?

He knew little of medicines and healing, that area of expertise was best suited to Madame Pomfrey, and it was a long walk back up to the castle… Merlin's Beard, by His Light, what could he do?

" **PROFESSOR**!"

The aforementioned Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor glanced up, his head turning towards the source of the noise. Remus was _not_ in a patient mood and so help whoever—

It was Hagrid, having returned from the Hospital Wing. Lupin thought he might very well cry out in relief and joy at seeing a face that he could trust. Hagrid's face was flushed bright pink from exertion, and Lupin struggled to bolt to his feet, but he found that he was shaking so badly that he very nearly collapsed and almost slipped in a puddle of garish crimson blood from poor Tonks' arm.

Hagrid shot a truly withering glower towards Buckbeak, the tip of his beard twitching without prompting, and he did not hesitate to throw what looked to Lupin suspiciously like a dead ferret hanging from around his neck, no doubt an incentive to get the beast to cooperate once Remus's spell wore off the massive beast.

"Are ya hurt? What about—" The half-giant's baritone voice trailed off as he paused, looking towards Tonks, then went rigid.

Off to the side, lay the rapidly paling figure of the vivacious pink-haired Auror whom Hagrid fondly remembered during her days as a student here, and he himself had been utterly delighted when Auror Tonks had agreed to supervise alongside his first Care of Magical Creatures class.

When Buckbeak had attacked Malfoy, Tonks had assured the gamekeeper that she could handle it, but Hagrid knew that the creature's powerful stamina had bested her.

Buckbeak had already been insulted by Malfoy, as these beasts were proud creatures, and Tonks attempting to subdue him by the use of magic had surely only succeeded in ruffling his feathers, but never in a million years did Hagrid think the brute capable of this.

"Merlin's Beard, what happened here…" Hagrid swore and trailed off. Tonks's head was turned away, so the gamekeeper and Care of Magical Creatures professor could not see her face, but her petite, slender body was twisted in an uncomfortable tangle of limbs. Her jeans and sweatshirt were dotted with earth and rubble from the skirmish.

However, it was the slight, uneven rise and fall of her shoulders and the huge, gaping wound in her arm currently staining the forest floor permanently red with her own blood that was cause for concern.

Drawing in a sharp breath, Hagrid struggled to fight back his own panic, and in the effort to regain some small measure of control, Hagrid turned back towards Lupin, and found the man and werewolf in near hysterics, almost apt to launch into a panic attack.

"She'll be right as rain, Professor Lupin, you'll see," Hagrid offered shakily, attempting in vain to believe his own words as he knelt into a crouch as best as he could, which was a difficult feat to manage give how extraordinarily tall he was, given his status as a half-giant. "Madam Pomfrey will put her ta rights before you know it."

Without almost a painstaking slowly, Lupin slowly (albeit reluctantly) tore his gaze away from his partner's ashen face, away from the beads of feverish sweat starting to gather on her brow, and lifted his chin and felt his light brown eyes darken in anger as he regarded Hagrid.

"H—how is this _fine_ , Professor? Tonks is my _partner_ , and she could _die_ from this if I don't get her medical help immediately. She's lost a lot of blood and it could get _infected_!"

His words came out harsher than he meant to, his voice grating, rough, coarse, and at the moment, not at all kind and quiet. But for once, Remus did not apologize for his father's inherited temper as he watched as Hagrid shirked away in hurt and surprise and murmured under his breath.

Lupin's wolfish hearing twitched in his eardrums as he swore he picked the gamekeeper mumbling something about "just a scratch."

His blood boiled in his veins, though before he could allow his father's inherited temper get the better of him and chastise Hagrid for covering hippogriffs to a class of inexperienced, naive third years, Tonks stirred.

Tonks's eyelids fluttered open, regaining some small semblance of consciousness just when she was sure she was about to have her heart clawed out of her chest by Buckbeak's talons.

Tonks suddenly felt light and she opened her eyes with a small, shaky breath in time to see Remus reach out a shaking arm and grip onto her uninjured shoulder and, as gently as he could, haul her to her feet.

She gritted her teeth in the effort to keep from screaming. The poor witch couldn't even bring herself to speak, to thank Remus for saving her life…to ask if he and Hagrid thought she was going to make it, to ask the two wizards if the pair of them were ok.

She didn't feel quite safe yet. Tonks was still so incredibly out of bread, shaky, panicked, and losing a lot of blood in her left arm.

Tonks blinked, fighting down against the swells of nausea that wracked her entire body, swallowing down the bitter bile that had settled on her tongue, hoping she wouldn't throw up, though as she stood on incredibly shaky legs that felt as though she had been hit with a full-bind Jelly Legs Curse, Tonks made the mistake of looking over at her left arm and gagged, almost throwing up at the grisly, garish sight, wishing she had not looked.

She barely had an arm _left_ , and what _was_ there was drenched in blood, the flesh of the wound so horribly mauled.

She reached up with shaking fingers, trying to put as much pressure on the gaping hole in her arm as to quell the worst of the bleeding, and shot Remus an apologetic look as he did not hesitate to shrug out of his jacket and wrap it around her arm as a tourniquet.

"N—no, can't…take this…take…back…" she gasped hoarsely, attempting to sidestep and shove his jacket back at him.

"You can and you _will_ ," Remus snapped in a tone bordering on finality, and Tonks flinched, knowing better than to argue with him. "Y—You're going to be _fine_ , Dora, just stay calm. Keep quiet," he spoke, his voice low and even.

Tonks admired how the man thus far seemed to remain so stoic, even under intense pressure, but then again, she knew there was a reason Dumbledore had appointed him and not Professor Snape as Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.

Tonks nodded mutely, feeling her face drain of colors as it turned an interesting shade of green. She was too afraid to speak, afraid that if she did open her mouth, she might very well vomit.

If Tonks were in Remus's place, with Remus bleeding, injured, maybe even close to death, Tonks wasn't sure if she'd be able to be as calm as the man's demeanor was exhibiting at this moment, as he tightened the jacket around her shoulders and draped her good arm over her shoulder and helped her to walk away from the edge of the Forbidden Forest and towards Hogwarts, to the Hospital Wing.

"R—Remus," Tonks stammered in a pitiful low whimper, cutting herself off with a shaking breath and squeezing her eyes shut. She felt hot, briny tears starting to slide down her pale cheeks.

The young witch wasn't sure if they were because she was gravely injured or scared. Bloody hell, but she wasn't even sure she could separate the pain from the fear she felt at this point in time.

The only thing that she was certain of was that it felt as though her lungs would on fire as they heaved and gasped for air that simply was not coming to them, and she felt like she could barely breathe, could hardly get her legs to function to take a step forward.

Her vision blurred into black spots at the edges, rendering her unable to see more than a few feet in front of her.

It was a damned bloody miracle she could even stand upright, much less walk, even with the aid of Professor Lupin and Professor Hagrid, she thought.

"Just keep moving, Dora, try not to speak. You've lost a lot of blood. Save your strength," Remus murmured lowly, almost whispering it into the shell of her ear. "Are you able to walk? If you can, use your legs. Hagrid and I can escort you to the Hospital Wing, but you need to help us, you have to keep moving and stay awake."

He glanced towards Hagrid for confirmation, who nodded.

Letting out a breathless, shaking sob as poor Tonks practically stumbled over a twisted, gnarled tree root hidden in her path underneath a pile of dead leaves, Tonks tried to keep up, tried to help them in order to help her out.

Remus had essentially saved her life and the only thing she was doing in return was slowing him up.

She couldn't even bloody walk on her own! Her legs weren't injured, so why was she having so much trouble? Was she truly that panicked over an injury?

Why was she moving so slowly and the— "Oh, the hippogriff!" she squeaked, cringing at how hoarse her voice sounded. "Hagrid. Where…?" But her voice trailed off faintly.

"Don't ya worry none about the ol' brute, Tonks. He'll be fine, it's _you_ we worry for," Hagrid's deep, rumbling baritone announced. "I shoulda been by your side," he growled, sounding angered and the note of self-loathing in Hagrid's voice was unmistakable. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have left."

"Not your fault...Hagrid...mine. I—I'm sorry…" Tonks apologized, gasping out her words in between shaking, painful breaths as she stumbled forward, letting out a squeak as her equilibrium was still quite off, and she would have fallen forward and re-injured her already wounded arm had Lupin not shot out an arm to catch her fall, causing her to fall against his chest, hard enough she felt the muscle beneath his thick woolen sweater, perhaps for the first time realizing how strong he was.

 _His condition_ , she thought wildly, looking into his brown eyes.

Tonks swore she saw something in Remus's face soften as she felt drawn into the man's gaze and something about the intensity within those darkened brown orbs of his had rendered her devoid of words. She felt her cracked and bleeding lips part open to speaking, though nothing came out. Remus, luckily, saved her from talking.

"Don't be sorry," he murmured in a quiet voice laced to the brim with concern for his partner as he placed both hands on either of her shoulders and did his best to steady her and right her stance.

"Remus?" Tonks managed to choke out, and she cringed as she turned her head to the side and spit out a mouthful of blood, much to her disgust.

She cringed and couldn't manage to turn around.

"I'm sorry…I—I _screwed up_. I thought I could handle Buckbeak. I c—can't do this…I can't walk, I—I can't breathe…" Tonks sobbed.

The young pink-haired Auror felt a surprisingly firm but gentle grip on her shoulder.

"You're okay, just stay calm," Remus replied, though her partner didn't quite sound convinced by his own words.

Tonks shook her head in disbelief and let out another startled yelp as she tripped over a tree root, or the more likely cause was her own Merlin-damned foot or something, and very nearly fell again.

"Lupin, she can't keep up," Hagrid noted, his deep, rumbling voice sounding far away and muffled to Tonks like the half-giant was underwater. "She's panicking. Sooner we get her ta Pomfrey…"

"I _know_ ," Remus barked in a surprisingly hostile voice. "We don't have _time_ to entertain panic and terror, Hagrid," he snapped.

"Then I'll carry her. Give her ta me," Hagrid offered, not at all taking offense to Professor Lupin's seemingly cold response, choosing not to blame the man for not knowing how to react at seeing the young witch who the staff knew he'd taken a liking to.

But whether or not they were aware of it was another matter entirely, Hagrid knew, as without waiting to be asked, he scooped Tonks's fading form into his arms, bridal style, letting her head loll back against the crook of his large elbow the size of a throw pillow.

Tonks let out a muffled squeak, surprised by the forcefulness of the gesture, feeling a shiver journey through her beaten, battered body as she hugged her injured arm close to her chest protectively as best as she could, cringing as she pressed Lupin's tattered jacket as firmly against the bleeding hole in her arm as best as she could.

She made a mental note to clean it and give it back to him later. Tonks gritted her teeth against the pain, not wanting to bring herself to look at it again for a second time, unable to be sure if she could stomach it or not the way her stomach churned and flipped.

When she'd laid eyes on it before, it had been brief, and she hadn't really gotten a close enough look at it.

She knew it was bleeding profusely at the very least, and Tonks swore she saw a flash of white bone jutting out of her arm at an odd angle. But she could not bring herself to look at it. Tonks didn't _want_ to look.

 _Let Pomfrey take care of it_ , she told herself, firmly keeping her eyes squeezed shut as Hagrid carried her.

"We—are we almost there, Remus?" Tonks croaked out, weak.

"We're close. Stay with us," Lupin urged, a note of panic and uncertainty lacing into his voice, though he tried his hardest to mask it and tamper it down, Tonks wasn't at all fooled by his effort.

Tonks offered a nod and kept her eyes shut, letting out a slower, but still shaking breath, her nostrils flaring, forcing her mind to remain calm, just a little bit, knowing that once Hagrid and Remus got her to the Hospital Wing, that her injury would be set right and she would be on the mend, and hopefully would be well enough to stop by Professor Lupin's third-year boggart lesson.

She felt like as Hagrid accidentally jostled her in his stronghold, that her vision was becoming less cloudy, and the numbness in her arm was slowly fading away, replaced by a burning sensation.

It meant she was feeling more of the pain, everything all at once, but at least that meant that she was probably not dying…

Tonks felt her bottom lip quiver like mad as she forced her vision to focus solely on Professor Lupin, whose gaze never left hers once as he held her hand, never flinching as she squeezed onto his hand tight enough to break his fingers as white-hot, flaring jolts of pain traveled up and down her arm and down her spine to her toes.

"Remus?" she whispered hoarsely, not bothering to stifle the small smile as she swore she saw the man blush when she called him by his first name, though Tonks was grateful he didn't look away.

"What is it?" he asked, a note of concern in his voice as he looked at her, worry evident in his light brown eyes as glistening, unshed moisture, that wasn't exactly tears, but still concerning.

"Will you stay with me?" she croaked, blinking back a fresh wave of tears as Hagrid (finally) ushered her into the Hospital Wing and barked gruff orders at Madam Pomfrey to prepare a bed for her. "Please? I...don't want to be alone."

She clenched her teeth and hissed as Hagrid accidentally laid her on top of one of the Hospital Wing's beds a little too roughly.

Remus shot the half-giant a withering look, though the groundskeeper had already spun on the heels of his huge brown boots in order to go alert Professor Dumbledore and apprise him of the situation of what had happened in the forest with old Buckbeak.

"I will," he promised, and without even hesitating, pulled up the spare chair that rested beside the bed, and leaned over it, reaching from Tonks's hand of her uninjured arm, and squeezing it. "I promise that I will be here when you wake up. I'm not going anywhere, Dora. I'm right here where I'm sitting. I'm not anywhere else."

Tonks smiled at him then, a faint ghost of a smile that flitted across her ashen features, though it was more than enough as she collapsed back against her pillow and allowed Madam Pomfrey to bustle about in startled shock at the true severity of her wounds.

There were so many things that Tonks wanted to say to Remus, but she was tired, and her parched throat protested at the idea of talking too much.

So, for now, Tonks just lay in the bed with her eyes closed, holding Lupin's hand, glad that the hippogriff hadn't killed her and in the company of her partner who she knew she liked.

"Remus?" she whispered after several moments spent in silence.

"Mmm?" he murmured, seemingly startled by the fact that Tonks could still manage to summon enough strength to speak. "What is it? Do you need something to help you sleep? A drink? I could get you a Sleeping Draught or make you a cup of hot tea if you'd like."

Tonks shook her head no faintly. "No. I...was wondering if you'd like to go to Hogsmeade? I—I was th—thinking next weekend, i—if you're up for it, spending a day. I could…use the company if you…want to come with. As…well, I mean, if you want," she began hesitantly, wondering if she was overstepping her boundaries by asking her partner on a date.

But Tonks had seen the way Lupin had looked at her, and if he said yes to her invitation, then her suspicions would be proven right.

Lupin blinked, startled at the bluntness of her request, though he was unable to stop the small smile that spread across his scarred, prematurely lined features as he nodded.

"I'd like that, Dora. More than anything."

And he truly looked as though he meant it to, for when he smiled at Tonks, the man looked years younger than his actual still quite young age of thirty-five, which sent Tonks' heart fluttering.

She smiled at him again and closed her eyes, satisfied for now that the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor had accepted her invitation, not knowing that she had an ulterior motive for asking him to spend time with her next weekend.

Though she wanted to spend more time with her new partner outside of Hogwarts and away from gossiping tongues, yes, that was true, Tonks had decided to take matters into her own hands and tell the man not only about the truth as to her relationship with Sirius Black but also that she knew of his deepest, darkest secret, that Remus was a werewolf.

Tonks offered a tiny little nod and rested her head against the smooth silk pillowcase. She truly was pleased that he had agreed to sit with her, but she was mentally and physically exhausted from her ordeal in attempting to deal with Buckbeak.

She could not shake the feeling of dread that settled in her heart like a cold chill as she knew that Lucius was surely going to stir up trouble over this, and the holy hell that he would raise with the Board of Governors when he learned the creature attacked not only his son, but viciously mauled an Auror in charge of protecting the school as well, but Tonks would worry about that later.

For now, she was content to close her eyes and keep her head pressed firmly against the pillow. As long as Remus was holding her hand and stayed by her side, she felt as though everything was going to be okay.

Eventually, her eyelids became heavy, and Tonks succumbed to the dark world of sleep and allowed her subconscious to take her far away into sleep.

As she fell into a deep, surprisingly peaceful slumber courtesy of the Calming Draught Pomfrey had given her, she enjoyed the first tranquil sleep she'd had in ages. That afternoon and well into the evening, Tonks did not dream of her ex-boyfriend, Ollie, for the first time in a long time.

No. That night, she dreamed of Remus John Lupin.

* * *

**Ouch. Bad Beaky for attacking poor Tonks, but what happened to her really was* an accident! Personally, I blame Draco for riling the Hippogriff up. The next chapter features an appearance by a surprise someone that causes Tonks to go on a nighttime journey through the halls of Hogwarts during the witching hour when all others are sound asleep in their beds...**


	12. Of Late Nights and Fortune Telling

**12**

**DUMBLEDORE** wound his slightly calloused fingers around the door that led to the Hospital Wing, well aware the hour was late, but the Hogwarts Headmaster had been standing in front of his office window now for hours, his phoenix, Fawkes, perched on his shoulder, meditating over the development that Hagrid's hippogriff had attacked not only Draco Malfoy but Auror Tonks as well.

He did not know what to make of this. Most assuredly, the Headmaster could be confident in that Draco's father, Lucius, would complain to the School Board of Governors and require disciplinary action, perhaps even leading up to termination of Hagrid's position as their new Care of Magical Creatures teacher.

His blood boiled within his veins at such a _ridiculous_ idea. Professor Dumbledore still held the power to dismiss teachers, where applicable, and what had happened to the Malfoy boy and Miss Tonks had been an unfortunate accident, though he doubted the Board would see it that way.

Albus gave his head a curt shake to clear it, thinking that he would deal with that matter when the time came, but for now, there were more pressing matters on his mind.

Such as checking on their school's Auror and seeing how Miss Tonks was faring. His long gray robes swishing and billowing with his movements as he walked down the length of the Hospital Wing until he came upon the bed that he was looking for, halting at the foot of it, the edges of his long grey beard twitching without prompting as he looked at the most unusual, but not unpleasant sight before him, his cobalt blue eyes twinkling at the very sight.

There before him lay Auror Nymphadora Tonks perched silently on pillows piled high on the side of the narrow hospital bed, her face pale and drained of colors, giving the pink-haired Auror an almost ethereal, angelic appearance.

This illusion was only emphasized by the silk and lace white nightgown she wore.

Her eyes were closed, her lips having regained some color. Professor Dumbledore did not bother to conceal his soft smile as his inquisitive gaze briefly wandered the length of the girl's body in an appreciative way, though his smile faltered at her arm in a sling. Madam Pomfrey had mended the damage as best as she could, though there was no doubt in his mind Tonks would suffer.

It wasn't going to be a pleasant recovery, but the girl should consider herself grateful that he had assigned Remus as her partner. Albus could not quite shake the feeling that as long as Professor Lupin remained by Auror Tonks's side, the girl was in more than capable hands. Remus would look after Nymphadora.

Speaking of him…Albus's bright blue eyes drifted slightly to Tonks's right, seeing the most peculiar image in the entire world, something he had never set foot on in his long, weary years.

And something, Albus knew, he'd never see again in another thousand lifetimes. Nestled comfortably in the arms of Tonks lay a head of light brown flecked with bits here and there of gray.

Professor Remus John Lupin, werewolf, and an incredibly selfless and kind man with a good, _good_ heart, was practically a wolf cub curled up in the young witch's lap as the pair slept.

His face seemed to bask in the warmth of his partner's soft stomach. His arms, whether the man was aware of it or not in his sleep, were encircled around the pink-haired Auror's waist, breathing hushed, the poor man's scarred shoulders softly rising and falling.

Remus was clinging to Nymphadora as a boy would to his mother, selfishly fencing her in his strong arms, absorbing the young witch's radiance and her heat solely for himself. Her purple-painted fingernails weaved in between his mats of thick brown hair.

Together, Dumbledore thought, they almost looked _too_ perfect, which was an obscure thought if ever there was one at all. A wolf and a she-lion tangled in the hospital bedsheets in the most eccentric splendor Albus could possibly imagine for them.

It was almost so perfect that for a moment, the Hogwarts Headmaster knew he had made the right decision in appointing Miss Tonks as Mr. Lupin's partner for the duration of the year.

If this new development was anything for him to go off of, the two harbored romantic feelings for one another, though the question remained whether or not the two were aware of their feelings.

Professor Dumbledore sensed judging by the intimate way he had found them, that he supposed so.

If he had to hazard a guess, and he was quite good at guessing correctly, Lupin had stayed up during the night with Tonks until fatigue claimed him.

The Hogwarts Headmaster suppressed a breath when Nymphadora's hand slowly stroked its way across Remus's tangles of short brown hair that would be needing a trim soon, and before the young woman could open her eyes at the perception of someone staring at her intimacy with her partner in her arms, Professor Dumbledore's smile widened as the old man turned on the heel of his boots and exited the Hospital Wing, silent as the night that engulfed the rest of Hogwarts and retreated to his office, all the while not able to stop his rather incessant, wide smiling.

_Wait until Professor McGonagall learns of this…_

* * *

Tonks could not remember the last time she'd felt this happy and free, and light as a feather. Was she floating?

No, it was only the Wales countryside breeze. It enveloped the young witch like a soft blanket. It played with her short shaggy pink hair, tousling the layers of her haircut away from her face and pinked her already-flushed cheeks. Her hand was warm, she discovered.

It was wrapped in Remus's strong, if not slightly calloused grasp.

Sighing contentedly, she stopped alongside the familiar path on which they walked. Though she had not traversed this path before in her life up until this point, it felt…familiar to her. The meadow standing before them was a tranquil, welcome sight, where the wildflowers overlooked the vast hilly countryside.

Leaning back against her partner's scarred but slightly muscular chest, she felt his arms encircle her waist and pull her to him. Tonks squirmed, pivoting in the man's ironclad hold and their gazes locked and their eyes finally met. She smiled longingly at Remus, and the man did not hesitate to meet her unspoken invitation by pressing his lips to hers. Tonks allowed it to happen.

Encouraged it, in fact, wanting the man to explore every inch of her tingling skin that felt like it was to spontaneously combust. It was only the two of them up here on top of this hill, though from where they were standing, Tonks felt that, as long as Remus was by her side, then she might as well be on top of the world.

Then she saw themselves, laying together on a blanket that one of them (probably Remus, though she didn't see which of them did it) conjured to sit underneath the shade of a willow tree.

She felt his weight pressing down on top of her, both of them eager for the passion the intimacy of their closeness promised.

His lips met hers with fervor and then—

Tonks bolted upright from her sleep, gasping, searching desperately for air to return to her heaving lungs, sweat beaded along her browbone in little dots.

The sudden rush of blood to her brain and fiery heat to her cheeks as she sat up straight against the pillow made her head spin. Dizzy and staring straight ahead of her into the darkness, Tonks quickly realized she was semi-conscious, half in the dream. Tonks blinked as she felt something warm and wet slide down her cheeks and when she lifted a slightly shaking finger to her cheek, she was surprised to discover that she had cried in sleep.

She had dreamt of intimacy so many times before, but it had not been with Remus, but rather, with Ollie, that betrayer, that snake in the night. Tonks sincerely hoped she never saw him again, for if she did, she'd aim a well-deserved Bat Bogey Hex straight at the man's chest for the pain that he had caused her.

After a few moments, her initial shock wore off and the realization that it was just a dream dawned on her. Her breaths slowed, her racing heart slowly returning its beats to normal at last, and as Tonks sanguinely lifted her head and looked around the otherwise deserted Hospital Wing save for her and Remus, in some illogical part of her brain, Tonks could not quite shake the feeling as if the walls had eyes, and that, with just one look of her current flustered state, at the pinkness in her cheeks, the whole of Hogwarts would know of her private thoughts.

That _he'd_ know. That she was, like it or not, beginning to care for her new partner so early on into their appointed time together was somewhat disconcerting for her, and she didn't know what to do.

"It was just a dream," Tonks whispered to herself, giving her head a curt shake to clear it, though as for her shocking partner in her truly delish dream, Tonks tried to rationalize that after everything she and Remus had undergone within just the last few weeks of their partnership, first with their misunderstanding, and then earlier today during the botched wrangling of Buckbeak, that Professor Lupin's appearance in her imagination was simply her mind playing tricks on her, making a sport of her new feelings.

He had been present in her thoughts since the first night of their partnership when the pair had made amends in his office.

She was going to be working alongside the man for _months_ , hoping to find some way of arresting Sirius Black and bringing the mass murderer to justice for his heinous crimes against those poor innocent twelve Muggle souls he'd killed in broad daylight.

It was only natural that she would think of the man from time to time, she rationalized. Lost in her thoughts again, Tonks stared straight ahead as her eyes dilated in the darkness, grateful she had calmed the worst of her shock as well as her racing heart.

Tonks was quick to create a story that was plausible enough for her own mind to accept its unexpected intimacy with Lupin.

Now comfortable with the fictitious storytelling, Tonks briefly allowed her mind to slip unbidden back to the events of her dream, seeing once more the luscious meadow they'd laid in, feeling his body next to hers, how his lips moved softly in a kiss.

Tonks blinked, her almond-shaped, pale gray orbs widening in surprise as she realized she was breathing heavy, what she was doing to herself, and biting down on her lower lip in a near fit.

Her hand was clutching onto fistfuls of her white silk lace nightgown she wore until a good portion of it was bunched in her hand and pulled almost uncomfortably tight across Tonks' hips.

Tonks forcefully gave her head a curt shake. _Stop it_ , she ordered herself. Her embarrassment quickly gave way to anger.

The young pink-haired witch blinked tiredly as she was quick to realize that, though she was sitting up, her body felt heavy. She blinked once, twice, her sight clearing somewhat through the heaviness of her sleep—or was that the Sleeping Draught's aftereffects—though not entirely.

How long had she been knocked out? Tonks raised her uninjured, pale hand and rubbed away the sleep that clung to her lashes, stifling a huge yawn with the back of her hand.

She groaned, aware of the stiffness that settled in her joints and bones, feeling as though someone had taken a hammer to the back of her skull.

Yet, Tonks wanted nothing more than to move, to stretch her legs and take a walk down the corridors.

A sudden sharp intake of breath, almost a grunt, one that had not come from her, startled the young witch awake, her pale gray-blue orbs widening open in shock and surprise at the loud noise.

Immediately, she sat up straight, grimacing at the white-hot flare of pain her injured arm, now trapped in a blue sling, sent as a bolt of lightning up and down her spine, and she gritted her teeth in the effort to keep from crying out in pain to alert whatever—or _whoever_ —happened to be in the room with her now.

Her eyes flitted across the dimly lit Hospital Wing in astonishment, unable to pinpoint the source of the strange noise.

An icy coldness spread across her chest and Tonks could once again feel her heart rate rapidly increase, until it was little more than a throbbing, corded mass of muscle that just wouldn't quit.

She did not know who—or _what_ —was in this room with her.

_What if it's Sirius_? Tonks's conscience, that snakelike voice of fear, tormented her, and sent a new swell of panic through her veins, chilling her insides, rendering her frozen to her very spot. Tonks froze as she saw a towering silhouette lingering in the Hospital Wing, unstirred, unmoving, and silently watching her.

_Oh, my Merlin_ , she swore internally, her fear worsening.

She knew that tall, imposing, somewhat gangly and thin frame, yes. Sirius Black had somehow infiltrated the castle and was silently spying on her and—and…but Merlin's Beard, she had to get up and apprehend him, injured arm notwithstanding! He had broken into the castle and somehow gotten past the Dementors!

His cheekbones were sunken in and emaciated, his pale gray orbs that were so much like hers, flecked with just a tint of blue, were boring straight into hers, antagonizing and looking angry.

Though before Tonks could so much as make a move to bolt from her bed, another noise startled her so badly she almost cried out in shock, and she angled her head downward and glimpsed a familiar shade of light brown hair flecked with premature grey. And felt the tempered strength of a hand clutching her own.

"R—Remus?" she whispered, her eyes widening at the unusual, but the not _unwelcome_ sight of the young wizard and werewolf sound asleep in her lap, his arms wrapped around her waist, clinging to her as though Tonks were his final lifeline, yes.

Tonks pursed her lips into a thin line, her gaze flitting from the figure shrouded in shadow in the doorway before darting back to Professor Lupin. She cocked her head to the side so she could see her partner more clearly. The poor creature was nestled beside her, his head practically buried in the crook of her left shoulder.

He was turned in such a way so that Lupin's peaceful face was facing in Tonks's general direction. The man was fast asleep.

All the premature aging lines of worry and stress had practically melted away, leaving his pale skin smooth, unwrinkled. His scarred mouth was tilted slightly in a faint smile, and every now and then, his hand holding onto her uninjured hand would give a faint, barely noticeable squeeze of reassurance.

Tonks bit down on her bottom lip and felt her head whiplash sharply upwards when she heard a scuffling sound come from the entryway of the Hospital Wing, and she moved so fast to regard her own bloody cousin standing in the door that a neck muscle pulled, sending a jolt of white-hot pain up her neck and around the shell of her right ear.

She suppressed a yelp and rubbed at the back of her neck gingerly, and as she felt her facial muscles harden as she looked again towards the door, cursing herself.

Sirius had vanished. And Tonks had allowed him to get away.

_Merlin damn him. And damn me_ , she swore internally, hating that she had been so focused and preoccupied with thoughts of not wanting to disturb her partner, she'd let the man get away.

Injured or not, she was still an Auror, and Tonks did not think she could live with herself if she allowed the man who had escaped Azkaban Prison and had now infiltrated Hogwarts, yet meant to be another impossible feat that he had somehow achieved, to escape her clutches a third time. _No way_ , she thought bitterly.

Tonks, as best as she could with her uninjured hand, gingerly removed Remus's head from her lap and allowed his head to fall gracefully back against the pillow that she had been using, swinging her legs over the edge, reaching for her wand that had been resting idly on the night table beside the Hospital Wing bed.

The young pink-haired witch stifled the urge to growl in frustration and tugged on a lock of her short pink pixie as she turned on her bare heel once she reached the threshold of the corridor, trying to determine if Sirius had gone to the left or right.

She felt foolish and powerless against her own damn thoughts. This would _not_ happen again, Tonks told herself. It bloody well _could_ not. She would fill her mind with the task at hand. _Nothing_ and _no one_ would interfere with her mission to apprehend Sirius Black, not even Professor Lupin, no matter how much she believed she was beginning to like the man. _No one_.

" _Lumos_ ," she murmured through gritted teeth under her breath and was rewarded for uttering the incantation when a bright ball of white light burst from the tip of her wand, allowing her to see. Tonks needed to just pick a direction and start walking, damn it, and _damn_ her own cousin for getting one over on her.

Tonks glanced to the left and right, to make sure that nobody else was about. If Black really had breached the castle walls, she wanted no one else to get hurt. But nothing greeted her but silence. She was alone. Letting out an unsteady sigh of anger, Tonks stormed down the east wing corridor that led to the dungeons, not really sure why her legs were leading her there.

As she walked, carefully and methodically, having to hold both her wand and a fistful of her long silk and lace nightgown with the slight train so as to avoid tripping over the damn thing, Tonks could not keep her thoughts from drifting to Remus again.

She hoped the man wouldn't wake and discover her missing. Tonks supposed it was bad enough she'd left her bed in the Hospital Wing without at least waking him up to let him know what was going on, that his former old friend may have breached the security measures of Hogwarts, but he'd looked so peaceful.

Tonks had not wanted to disturb the man's rest, and she could not quell the surge of anger that rapidly rose within herself as she reached the dungeons and looked around once more, staring bitterly down the corridor, seeing no trace of Sirius Black.

"You _too_ , are a night wanderer, it would seem, Miss Tonks."

Tonks barely stifled her scream of surprise and flinched as a voice coming from directly behind her appeared out of nowhere, clear, and present. Whirling around on her bare heel, Tonks glanced up and was surprised to see none other than the Divination Professor, Professor Sibyl Trelawney, standing in front of her, teetering slightly, perhaps from a little too much indulgence of Fire Whiskey, but nevertheless smiling at Tonks.

"I…" stammered Tonks, unable to think of anything else to say to the Divination Professor, whose bug-eyes were staring at her extensively, curiously, through her thick, Coke-bottle lenses.

Though, much to the young witch's surprise, the older witch merely proceeded to raise her thick, dark eyebrows in mock concern and let out a dark, somehow omniscient little chuckle.

"Fear not, my child. Your secret is safe with me, Miss Tonks."

"M—my secret?" Tonks breathed, not at all sure what to make of the Divination Professor's remark. "I—what do you mean?"

The Auror was so flustered and caught off her guard, that it did not take her long to recognize she'd forgotten proper edict and had neglected to call Sybil Trelawney by her title of 'Professor.'

Tonks huffed impatiently, all the while craning her neck behind the Divination Professor, struggling to see down the dimly lit corridor, the only light in the dungeons currently provided emanated from the lit torches in their sconces hung on the walls, and the lit tips of both Professor Trelawney and Tonks' wands.

She had no time for this! Sirius Black was probably still somewhere in the castle, and if she didn't get to the man in time, then there was no telling what was to become of the poor students!

"It is too late for that," Professor Trelawney spoke up in a grim voice that suddenly did not sound like the Professor's voice at all. "The man has already fled, my dear," she murmured, disgruntled.

" _What_?" Tonks demanded, rapidly feeling her temper swell, feeling a sheen of sweat start to throng on her forehead as perspiration. She swallowed a lump in her throat that formed.

Although Professor Trelawney was not directly facing Tonks, her profile was turned to the side and shrouded in shadow, and the older woman lifted her hand to abruptly silence the young girl.

"You need not trouble yourself. Mr. Black will return, two more times as a matter of fact," the Divination Professor spoke up in a hoarse sounding voice that Tonks was quite sure the copious amounts of Fire Whiskey that Trelawney had consumed had nothing to do with (Tonks could smell the whiskey spirits on her breath), as the Divination teacher turned around to face Tonks.

She swore she saw Professor Trelawney's mouth twitch in a smirk. "Think of the last two times you encountered him as a test."

Tonks was so utterly confused, not to mention a little scared. A _test_?! And what the hell did she mean, he would come back? _Two times_?!

Tonks was utterly floored as her mind felt like it was reeling, and the young Auror felt herself stagger backward. Tonks herself had never taken Divination as an elective during her time as a student here at Hogwarts, but that did not mean that she did not hold respect for the professor in front of her.

The other teachers on staff did not seem to like Sybil Trelawney much, particularly McGonagall, Tonks noticed, but that did not mean that they did not respect the Divination teacher.

There was a reason Dumbledore appointed her to teach the subject, Tonks had to remind herself, and forced her racing heart to try to calm down. It felt like she was about to have a panic attack.

"H—how do you know?" she managed to gasp out weakly.

The older witch smiled softly to herself as if enjoying some private joke to herself before turning around to look at Tonks directly. Bathed in shadow though she was, it was difficult for Tonks to make out her features, but Tonks could tell well enough that though her subject was met with scorn, she was a kind-hearted woman, and that was reason enough for her to trust her.

"You may be observant, Auror Tonks, but _I_ am too. I have foreseen it in my tea leaves," was all Professor Trelawney stated.

Tonks furrowed her brows, lowering her wand slightly, not sure what it was the Divination teacher seemed to want with her.

It seemed an eternity before Trelawney found her voice again.

"I take it you do not approve of Mr. Black's actions, my child."

Now, Tonks's frown deepened. Even though in her mind, it was Remus Lupin who had been mistreated the most by Sirius Black's actions, the man had been his own friend, after all, Professor Trelawney was speaking as if she was not bothered by Tonks's cousin's actions, how he'd murdered those Muggles, in the slightest, a fact which the young Auror found disconcerting.

Tonks quirked a brow at the Divination teacher as Sybil wobbled her way somewhat precariously towards a nearby bench, and patted the seat next to her, motioning for Tonks to join her.

She did so, albeit reluctantly, feeling her shoulders slump in defeat as Tonks recognized her words were correct. Sirius was gone, but if her words rang true, then he'd return two more times.

And both times, Tonks would be ready for him when he did.

As Tonks settled herself on the cold stone bench next to the Divination Professor, smoothing the skirts of her silk and white lace nightgown, Tonks heard herself speak as she found her thoughts.

"I thought that what my cousin did to those poor Muggles was a disgrace to the name of wizard, Professor. Yes, you could call me _displeased_ with my cousin's actions, Professor, to put it politely…"

This time, the Divination let out a slurred-sounding chuckle.

"'Disgrace to the name of wizard,' _indeed_. That is quite something that not even I could come up with something like it."

Tonks was becoming more confounded by the Seer the longer she spent around her, but also more intrigued, against her better judgment, which was telling her to march herself right back up to the Hospital Wing before Professor Lupin discovered her missing.

But something, an aura, perhaps, that was radiating from the Seer and Divination Professor compelled Tonks to stick around.

Despite the slurred edge to her voice, nonetheless, Sibyl Trelawney's voice was warm and inviting, suggesting a life teeming with vitality and experience. She wondered what she had Seen.

Experience danced on the professor's lips like a curious child, and this fact made Tonks want to truly open up to someone else.

To _her_. Tonks took a moment to formulate her thoughts.

"I—I didn't _want_ to believe my cousin could be capable of such violent, _gruesome_ murders, Professor," began Tonks hesitantly, fidgeting with her fingers as her hands rested nervously in her lap as she crossed one foot over the other, wincing at her arm in its sling, not used to the constriction of the damned old contraption. "I thought that by coming here, assigned to Hogwarts, that I could catch him. I want the entire rest of the wizarding world to see Black for what he is. A cold, cruel, and ugly human being."

So engrossed in her own thoughts, Tonks failed to notice the Divination Professor had been staring at her rather pensively.

Tonks shifted in her seat to look towards the older witch, blushing swiftly before pointedly looking away, turning her gaze towards the dungeon corridor that she'd been intent on searching for Black before she had unexpectedly encountered the Professor.

"I'm sorry, Professor," she began, her voice shaking from raw emotion, but the Seer and Divination teacher interrupted her.

"You have nothing to apologize for, child, there is nothing wrong with being passionate. I encourage it, as a matter of fact. I am flattered that you think so, though I caution you against making a premature judgment on Mr. Black. I cannot explain it myself, but he is…changed, but I do wonder what your new partner, our Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor, would have to say about the revelation that the two of you are blood cousins?"

Tonks gasped as she swore she saw a twinkle in the older woman's eyes as Trelawney let out a dark little chuckle of amusement, not sure how to respond to such a wild statement.

In truth, she had been wondering the same damn thing, and the fact that the professor had brought it up now, had caught her off guard, and as such, the young witch had no response to give.

"How did you know that I haven't told Remus yet?" Tonks demanded, narrowing her gray eyes in suspicion towards Sibyl.

The Divination Professor made an odd little noise that sounded like a snort as she clutched onto her half-empty sherry bottle. "My subject here might be met with scorn and ridicule from the other teachers, Miss Tonks, but that does _not_ make me ignorant. People, save for my students, hardly notice me, but you could say it works to my advantage. It is truly astonishing the amount of information and news you pick up when you listen…"

Despite the slight slur to her lilt, Tonks listened, captivated by the Seer's voice. Even in a slightly inebriated state, Trelawney was surprisingly clear and eloquent, given her current state, yes. It seemed a few moments before she spoke up again, this time, in a much quieter, more subdued voice than before she'd spoken.

"I think that you should tell Professor Lupin, Miss Tonks. You hesitate, but you might find yourself surprised at his answer."

"Mmm?" Tell him what?" Tonks stammered, suddenly feeling her face drain of color. What on earth was there to tell the man?

She slowly swiveled her head to regard the Divination teacher, beginning to feel uneasy, not sure where the witch was going with this. "Oh, never you mind, dear. You'll know soon enough," she replied airily, setting down the empty bottle of sherry by her feet and brushing her palms on her skirts. "Now, Miss Tonks," continued Professor Trelawney, turning to face the witch directly this time. "I think you should go back to the Hospital Wing now. You don't want anybody to catch you out and about in the middle of the night, roaming about places where you ought not, especially while injured," the Divination teacher murmured, looking at Tonks's wounded arm in a sling. "That looks like it hurts, dear."

It _did_ hurt. It hurt like hell, and Tonks hated she'd be wearing the sling for a few weeks, at best, though it had hurt worse when Madam Pomfrey had mended her arm with the essence of Dittany.

It stung and was going to scar, and it had taken both Professor Lupin and Hagrid to hold her down while she worked.

Though before Tonks could open her mouth to reply in an attempt to steer the conversation away from her injured arm, the strange Divination Professor proceeded to wink at her, smiling.

"Would you like for me to tell you your fortune, dear? It's the very least I can do, you were kind of sitting me while I…while…"

Professor Trelawney's voice trailed off as she glanced down at the empty sherry bottles at her feet. _Sobered up_ , is what Tonks imagined the older witch wanted to say but instead chose not to.

"My—my fortune?" repeated Tonks softly, blinking owlishly at the older witch, wondering if she had heard Trelawney correctly.

Professor Trelawney's lips twitched upward in a kind smile, her eyes twinkling in the light cast from both of their wand tips.

"I can see _that_ , at least, has piqued your interest. Very well."

Before Tonks could protest, much less utter a single syllable, the Divination Professor took hold of Nymphadora's hand, and gazed deep, almost in an intimate manner, into Tonks's pale gray eyes. It was as if she were _searching_ for something, and it unnerved Tonks, though she had no time to question it as she spoke up.

"You will find happiness, Miss Tonks," murmured the Divination in a hoarse, raspy voice, narrowing her eyes, her piercing gaze intense, as if bearing straight through her soul. "But not in the way you will expect it to happen. Love, _true_ love, I _see_ it in your life, a true rarity in this world, child, so cherish it. You'll feel a rare, pure, and powerful love for someone and the man—"

Just as Tonks had been intently listening to the Seer's so-called 'fortune,' the Divination Professor let go of Tonks's hand, as though the very touch of her skin against her own had burned her, an immensely disturbing expression flitting across her face.

"Wh—what is it?" stammered Tonks worriedly. "Professor?"

But Professor Trelawney had already molded her features into a mask of perfect indifference, calm serenity, as they both stood from the bench, with Sibyl wobbling slightly as she did just so.

"Nothing, child," the Divination teacher replied in a nebulous tone. "I—I just saw something in your future that I was not expecting at all. But…nothing you should trouble yourself with just yet, though there will come a time regarding Black when you must make a _choice_. I've seen two alternate paths that you could take, Miss Tonks, though which one you choose is up to you and remains to be seen. I don't know which path you will take, dear, and when the time comes, you won't have much time to make it, but know that it concerns a matter of life and death. But you do not need to worry about that, for now. Not _yet_ anyway. And rest assured, dearie, you'll _find_ that love and happiness in your life that you seek. That is all that matters…"

As Professor Trelawney started to stagger her way further down the dungeon corridors, Tonks pondered over her 'future.'

Yet again, Tonks found herself in a unique situation where somebody had attempted to comfort her, but it had only succeeded in bringing her more confusion and a sense of unease.

She blinked owlishly at the Professor, staring at her, and was surprised when the Divination teacher called to her over her shoulder, pausing halfway down the hallway to look at Tonks.

"You should head on back up to the Hospital Wing, dear. You've already spent too long down here. I'm sure Madam Pomfrey and…others, are no doubt wondering where you are and are missing your absence as you are still, like it or not, quite injured."

Glancing up, the professor's words quickly snapped the young witch back into reality. She was right, she had to get back to the Hospital Wing before Remus woke up and discovered her missing.

"Thank you," Tonks called out down the hall, careful to keep her voice low, not wanting to alert anyone else to her presence. "It was wonderful to sit and talk with you, Professor Trelawney. If you ever want some company, you know where to find me, mum."

"That is most generous of you, child, I shall keep that in mind. Now, you should get out of here, you're already late as it is!"

Tonks nodded, smiling at her, before turning away and heading down the dungeon corridor to head towards the stairs.

As she glanced back over her shoulder, Tonks stopped dead in her tracks. It was as if Trelawney had never been here in the first place. "Weird," she whispered to herself before turning to head up the stairwell that would take her to the Grand Staircase.

Tonks mulled over her 'fortune' as she climbed, not really sure if she believed in fortune-telling or destiny or fate, but something had been disturbing enough, whatever Trelawney had seen, to trouble her. It was, in her mind, more than a little unnerving…

Though the moment she stepped one foot off of the topmost step of the dungeon stairwell, her wand clutched at her side in her wand hand, simultaneously holding onto a fistful of her silk white lace dressing gown so as to not trip over the long train, an angry voice made her stop dead in her tracks, immobile.

"Where did you disappear to, Dora? Did you really think that I didn't _know_ you had _left_ the Hospital Wing?" Came his voice in what Tonks could only describe as a low, angered little growl.

His voice sounded rough, coarse, grating, almost… _wolfish_.

Tonks felt her breaths catch in her throat as she squeezed her eyes tightly shut. The young witch swore her heart itself faltered and stopped. What followed that was the longest, most awkward pause in her entire adult life as she swore she felt the blood pumping furiously through her veins, it was that silent on the first floor. For a moment, Tonks wondered if she'd imagined Lupin.

"Did you really think that I didn't _hear_ you, Tonks?" he muttered, his voice coming from directly to her immediate left.

Lupin sounded dangerously calm, and Tonks would have almost preferred it if the man would just scream and shout at her.

Tonks parted her lips to speak, but couldn't even form a reply, she'd gone tongue-tied. She was much too gobsmacked. This could _not_ be happening. _Now_ , what the hell was she going to do?

The young witch cringed, slowly opening her eyes as she turned at the waist and turned to find herself face-to-face with Remus, and he did not look at all pleased to see her out of bed.

"Would you care to _explain_ to me, Tonks, while you are still _injured_ and healing, and remain in a critical condition and need to be _resting_ , what is so important to cause you to get out of bed?" Remus demanded, the edges of his voice clipped and hard.

He sounded disappointed with her, as though he had expected more from his partner, and Tonks felt a fiery heat creep to her cheeks. It took her a moment to recognize it was a shame that she felt.

So engrossed in staring at her partner and struggling to form response as to why she had left the Hospital Wing, left him, that neither one of them noticed the Divination Professor standing in the dungeon stairwell entryway, shrouded in shadow, watching the scene unfold before her.

After a moment, Professor Trelawney turned away, a crooked half-smile on her lined face.

"Most interesting. Nymphadora Tonks," she muttered as she walked away back down towards the dungeons, hellbent on rummaging through Snape's stores to see if the Potions Master had anything which she could take to stave off her hangover.

_You may survive us yet_. _There's hope for both of you…_

_Only time will tell whether or not he'll be the one._

* * *

**Poor Tonks seems to take after Harry in terms of her 'talent for trouble.' hopefully she can calm Remus down and the two can come to an understanding. Chapter 13 deals with the pair of new partners coming to a mutual understanding with one another, as Tonks struggles with her feelings of guilt and feeling like she is a liability around Tonks as she deals with the aftermath of Buckbeak's physical attack on her.**


	13. Mounting Tensions

**13**

**TONKS** swore as she allowed herself to be led back to the Hospital Wing, with neither Remus nor her speaking much, that the tension in the air between the two of them would be scarlet, if the air in the empty Hospital Wing would have been a visible hue.

As Professor Lupin gently, though somewhat forcefully, made her lay back against the Hospital Wing's bed, one hand firmly on her uninjured shoulder, there was nothing but the sound of the sheets rustling as Tonks begrudgingly tucked herself back in.

Tonks shifted, resting back against the stack of pillows, somewhat awkwardly, and gave her head a sharp jerk to shake off the growing feeling of unease.

She almost regretted leaving the Hospital Wing in search of Sirius Black, finding him spying on her. Well, _almost_. She silently bristled, not soon to forget she'd caught her own cousin spying on her little swim in the Black Lake.

Lupin sat on the edge of her bedside, his wand in hand, a basin of medical supplies, and what looked like a thick, nasty-smelling ointment that caused Tonks to crinkle her nose in disgust.

"Where are you hurt?" he asked, his light brown eyes darkening slightly in annoyance at his partner's disappearance and looking very serious as he stared at Tonks from his spot next to her. "Tell me what happened and be _honest_. Why did you wander off? If you're hurt, tell me. Being injured is nothing to be ashamed of, Tonks, so I don't want you keeping anything from me for the sake of appearances," Remus grumbled, sounding put off.

"I…I'm fine, Remus. I—I'm not hurt. B—but there's something I have to tell you, I…" Tonks hesitated, painfully wringing, and twisting her hands together nervously in her lap as she glanced down at them, suddenly not wanting to meet Lupin's eyes.

But she had to tell the man the truth if this partnership of theirs was going to work…. Tonks swallowed down hard past the lump in her throat.

"I saw Sirius, Remus. In the hallway, just there," she croaked hoarsely, giving a jerk of her head towards the open doorway. "H-he was spying on us, watching both of us sleep."

Tonks fell silent and watched as Remus gave a knee-jerk reaction, his arm giving a twitch as he made a move to grab onto Tonks' arm, but thought better of it, and lowered it. Tonks winced almost the moment the words left her lips, realizing they had not been the best way to start off this conversation.

Though, considering all the other topics that could gently broach the subject of her wanting to reveal to her partner the nature of her relationship with Sirius, maybe it was best in this regard, considering Remus had caught her red-handed out of bounds of the Hospital Wing, to just be honest with her partner.

Madame Pomfrey had confined her to bed rest with her arm in its sling and healing for at least a few more days, much to her chagrin, and the fact that she had been able to force herself out of bed at all within a few precious hours of being admitted was something of a miracle. Tonks was surprised she wasn't angry with her.

She felt Remus stun at her statement, but if the man was at all surprised by this revelation, he was quite good at hiding it.

"And you left in search of Black by _yourself_?" he demanded, staring at Tonks, wide-eyed and incredulous, as though she had sprouted antlers on top of her head. "If he really _was_ in the castle, then why on Merlin's green earth didn't you wake me _up_ , Tonks?"

Tonks's movements stilled as she looked at Lupin in astonishment. His light brown eyes glinted in the darkness of the Hospital Wing, considering it had to be at least three in the morning, and his voice was almost dull and lifeless in nature.

Although he was perched at the edge of her bed, close enough for Tonks to reach out with her uninjured hand and caress his face if she was of a mind to, it was too dark to make out his face.

But it was enough for her to sense that Remus was not angry with her, but instead, rather bitter, and his next statement all but confirmed this.

"Why did you go by yourself? Were you trying to run _away_ from me, is that it?" Lupin snapped in a defeated tone.

"No," Tonks stammered, a light pink blush speckling along her cheeks as she lifted her chin to better look Lupin in the eyes, in the hopes of rectifying the misunderstanding. "I—I wasn't…"

"So, _what_ then?" he demanded, hardening his gaze as he looked at her. "Tell me, Tonks, _why_ you didn't want to wake me up. You and I are supposed to be partners, but we cannot continue to work like this, Dora, not unless we trust one another. I want the truth from you, and _please_ don't think of lying to me."

Tonks would have immediately answered Lupin, but something about the Defense Against the Dark Art's Professor's countenance made the young Auror hesitate and falter in giving her answer. Remus had spoken with a certain sense of defeatism as if he could not be bothered to argue with her, yet, not wanting to press the issue, and yet, feeling it was imperative he did that.

His immediate reaction, as Tonks had predicated, was one of an instant wariness as he lifted his chin and looked her way.

"I could not get you involved, Remus. You were sleeping, a—and you looked so peaceful, I didn't want to wake you up," Tonks managed to gasp out in a small, surprisingly meek voice, cringing.

"You didn't…wake me up…because I was _sleeping_ ," Remus repeated slowly as if the man couldn't process her words fully.

She heard him huff in frustration and turn away from her, ducking his head so that one stubborn lock of his coarse light brown bangs never ceased to fall into his eyes, hiding his expression from Tonks. Now Tonks began to grow quite perturbed.

After several minutes of a horrible, excruciating silence, Remus finally turned to face Tonks, his irritable, annoyed expression still very much intact. He looked exhausted, the pale, peaky skin underneath his eyes dark and rather sallow-looking as if he had not slept soundly within the last few days, at least.

"It isn't as if _you_ were any different, Remus," continued Tonks nervously, wishing to progress their exchange and hopefully come to an understanding with her partner, but her voice came out sounding petty and Tonks cringed, having sensed the change in her tone and the young pink-haired witch did not like this at all. " _You_ were in the corridor just as _I_ was, Professor," she murmured.

"It is _different_ with me, Dora, and you _know_ it!" said Lupin hoarsely, shifting at the waist and lifting his head to glare over at Tonks but by doing so, accidentally revealed the unhinged look on his pale face, which only caused her to look up at him in alarm.

"Remus, I—" Tonks started to say, but Remus interrupted her once more, slamming the wooden basin of medical supplies and his wand down on the night table next to her Hospital Wing bed.

"I _know_ Sirius, Dora. He used to be my _friend_. I _know_ the way Black thinks, how he moves, I can anticipate his reactions, possibly even what his next move would be, but you do not!" Remus snapped. He was not exactly yelling at her, but his tone conveyed immense displeasure, his voice clipped and quite harsh. "The man could have _killed_ you if I had not found you when I had! I needed to be involved, Dora!" Lupin shouted, hearing his voice increase in volume. "You don't _know_ what Sirius Black could have done to you, Tonks."

Lupin gave his head a curt shake as he thought of all the horrible, unspeakable things his former old friend could have done to this celestial-like creature that seemed to have a vice grip on his mind.

"You _cannot_ risk your life like that again, do you understand? The next time you think you see him, _tell me_!" Lupin heaved a heavy sigh of frustration and pinched at the front of his temples, as though fighting off a splitting migraine.

"But you…you came after me," Tonks all but scowled at Remus, growing more and more bewildered, and also a little bit unnerved by the man's wolfish, volatile temper, if she was being completely honest with herself. He was always so level-headed and calm, but the man seemed to possess a short fuse, or perhaps it was because the full moon was but a few days away.

Tonks fell silent and studied Remus for a moment. She could tell by the way the wizard's shoulders stiffened that her statement had, for reasons that were unknown to her, unnerved him greatly.

"Y—you could have _left_ me, you know." Tonks's words were soft, unassuming, and she hoped harbored no hint of blame at all.

She had not intended to worry Remus by trying to go after Sirius, and despite the coldness of Lupin's darkened brown eyes as his head whiplashed sharply upwards and he regarded her from his perch at the edge of her bed, she was unwilling for her words to lose any semblance of their original meaning.

"But you didn't," Tonks continued seriously and this time, with confusion.

His head snapped up so fast from where she sat at the edge of the bed that Tonks had to move her head back to avoid connecting with it, and the edges of his lips curled upward in a snarl.

"There is quite a substantial difference from the small risk that I took in coming after you just now compared to what you did, Tonks. You were not just risking your life by chasing after Sirius alone in your injured state," he growled, Remus wildly gesticulating to her injured arm and shoulder in its blue sling, "but you were basically willing to sacrifice yourself, for me, more concerned for my own-wellbeing than that of your own safety. _Why_?"

So, that was the root of his aggression then. He was worried about her. Tonks sighed softly, not sure if she were ready or even willing to talk about how nervous and afraid that she had felt when she'd discovered Black spying on them from the corridor just there. The event as a whole had been _terrifying_ , it was too fresh. Tonks sat in silence in surprise at the softness of his voice, wondering if it was possible for his already quiet and sometimes timid voice to become any softer? It must have been, because that's exactly what Remus's tone sounded like, even in rancor.

"Remus, I…I just did not want Sirius to hurt you," she whispered.

_Because I care about you_ , her mind answered, but she dared not give that thought a voice. It was much too soon for it.

"I owe you, Professor Lupin, it would seem," she sighed tiredly, swallowing down past the lump in her voice and cringing as her tone cracked and faltered, but she forced herself to remain calm, despite the trepidation she felt towards swearing that she was seeing the shadow of the wolf within him flit across his features.

"You owe me nothing, Tonks," Remus murmured, lowering his voice an octave, and Tonks sensed the shift in his countenance.

"But after all the trouble I've caused you so far, you _still_ came to look for me." Tonks felt her words catch in her throat and fought back the urge to try to wring her hands together out of a nervous habit and decided it wouldn't be a good idea considering her left arm, her wand arm, was resting securely in its damn sling. "I do not deserve your kindness, Remus, but I—I want you to know that I'm truly grateful for it. So…thank you. For everything…."

Tonks ducked her head and played with her cuticles, picking away with her good hand at her chipped dark purple nail polish of the hand nestled in her sling. Her words now felt utterly spent.

She, at the very least, had made a valiant attempt to steer their conversation in the right direction, but now it was up to the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor actually wanted to acknowledge and address her words. Nothing more between them could be solved if Remus John Lupin did not want to talk to her.

Sensing Professor Lupin was yet to be convinced, she exhaled a tense, shaking breath and forced herself to continue speaking in an effort to try to reach her partner, to make Remus understand, that why she had done what she did was to _save_ him.

Tonks frowned, knitting her brows together in a quandary as she bit down on her bottom lip and fidgeted with her fingertips.

"Remus, I went after Sirius in the hopes of catching him, yes, I admit that. It was a chance that I took, but I did it to try to keep you from harm," she emphasized through clenched teeth. "I did not want you to get hurt so I went after Sirius on my own, Remus."

"We _aren't_ arguing about this, Dora!" Here, the volume of Lupin's voice increased further, and Tonks flinched and shrank back in both hurt and surprise as the werewolf now sounded furious, so angry, in fact, that if Tonks did not know her partner at all, she would have pitied anyone who attempted to contradict him at this point, for he was _not_ in a pleasant mood and _not_ to be tested.

He winced, knowing it was too late to take back his words, for his partner did not deserve to be yelled at and scolded in such a harsh manner, particularly not after what she had almost narrowly escaped if she would have been unlucky enough to run into Sirius Black in some deserted corridor if he'd not been there, but at the same time, Tonks needed to take his words _seriously_.

"If you should spot Sirius Black again, Tonks, even just for a moment, whether that's up close or from a distance, you've got to make it known to me, do you understand? I am your _partner_."

He could not emphasize it enough. Remus sighed, carding his fingers through his thick tuft of light brown hair, and turned away, needing a moment to compose himself and get back under control.

"I—I only want to _protect_ you, Tonks. I hope you know that," he snapped, daring to scoot a fraction of an inch closer, very nearly putting his hand on the wall next to her pillow, dangerously close to her left ear, but then stopped, as if he didn't trust himself.

"Protect me?" repeated Tonks after a stunning moment of silence, her normally soft and quiet voice taking on a much sharper edge as her pale gray eyes narrowed, matching her partner's hostility towards her sneaking out of the Hospital Wing. "Aren't you forgetting that I'm an Auror, Professor Lupin? I don't _need_ your protection, Remus, because at the moment you found me, I wasn't in any danger that I could recall. Sirius Black escaped!"

"You and I both know that if Black could manage to breach the castle's barriers even once, then he will try again," Lupin murmured in a hoarse voice, lifting his head, his light brown eyes glinting precariously through the Hospital Wing's near darkness, burning brighter than any midnight lighted torches ever could.

Remus lifted his chin and jutted it out slightly defiantly, silently challenging his partner to contest his words, unable to help but to shake his head slightly in disbelief at Tonks' staring.

Did Tonks _truly_ have no idea what Sirius could have done to her? What the man _would_ have more than likely done to Tonks if he hadn't found her when he did? Several dozens of scenarios flitting through his tormented, lonely mind, and each one of them bloodier and more violent than the last. Remus grimaced, tearing his terrified gaze away from the very entryway that Tonks claimed to have woken up and seen Sirius standing over there, _spying_.

Lupin's shaking hands found their way to the top of his pounding head and he throttled his urge to growl like the savage wolf that he knew rested deep within the confines of his chest, chained for now, but the full moon was upon him in a few days.

And he desperately wanted to tell Tonks the truth before then. As he continued looking at Tonks in silence, who was growing steadily more and more uneasy the longer these unspoken words between them lingered in the air, unsaid, he realized that Tonks had no idea just how fortunate she was not to run into Sirius.

She had no idea of what he was capable of. Remus squeezed his eyes tightly shut as a series of memoirs of Sirius and the other Marauders flitted through his mind, and he blinked back tears.

He wanted to yell at Tonks, to tell her not to wander off alone unprotected around the castle at night without him by her side. He wanted to inform her of what horrible things she had narrowly avoided tonight, so she would know just how important it was that she not go anywhere, especially not after Black, without him.

Sirius Black had murdered Peter Pettigrew and those twelve innocent Muggle bystanders during a big fight, but that seemed like nothing compared to what he would do to her. Black always had been a womanizer.

At that thought, Remus felt an abrupt bitterness seep unbidden to the pit of his stomach. Lupin exhaled a shaking breath, willing his racing heart to calm down and his breaths to regulate back to something that resembled normalcy. Tonks needed to understand that, but perhaps that conversation would be better saved for a later time.

Right now, the young pink-haired witch was looking positively miserable, and a lecture was not at all what Nymphadora needed.

She puzzled him, this witch. Tonks was unlike any other woman he had met before in his life. If he was being completely honest with himself at the moment, there was a huge part of Tonks's sweet, non-judgmental personality that reminded him in so many ways of Alice Longbottom, his other best friend.

_Gone now_ , he thought, fighting back a choked sob and fresh tears. _All gone. All of them_. To say that Remus was feeling horribly guilty was a gross misunderstanding. Lupin let out a tired sigh.

As Tonks nervously shifted her gaze and met her eyes with his and theirs locked with one another, he saw her flinch in fear.

"You are a curious woman, Dora," he murmured, twirling his wand idly in his fingers, a distraction that he secretly welcomed as he found his partner's gaze too unnerving and intense for his liking, the way those pale gray orbs were unabashed and unyielding. "Given what I know of what happened tonight, I've come to realize that your wit is not the only attribute to cause trouble, Tonks," he murmured, raising his head just in time to see Tonks lower hers, a pink blush of shame speckling on her cheeks.

It shamed Remus to admit to himself that Tonks' redirection allowed his frazzled nerves to feel at least a little bit more at ease.

"You're right, Remus," Tonks muttered, her tone cold and solemn. Her attention was fixated at a spot on the wall behind Remus's head, though Lupin was puzzled by the glimpse of a wry smile as it touched her pink lips and stretched them upwards.

"You have a talent for trouble," he continued, his tone bordering on biting, but at this point, Remus did not care at all.

She had scared him tonight, more than Lupin cared to admit to himself, or to anyone else. When he had woken to find her not in her bed, nor in any part of the Hospital Wing, for that matter.

Tonks gasped in response to the wizard's bitter accusations, though what troubled her, even more, was that the man was right.

But Merlin damn it, why did Remus have to say it like that?!

Blinking down at the floor from where she lay in her bed, Tonks swiveled to lift her head high. Did Remus truly believe her to have such low principles, that she would stupidly risk her own life like that with no regard for what Remus would think of her?

Anger rose within Tonks, but the young witch stomped it down, refusing to let Lupin see it with his own two eyes for himself. What had happened to her earlier today with the hippogriff, and then tonight down in the dungeons was her fault.

"I do," Tonks admitted sourly, shaking her head, and finally turning her head to meet Remus's gaze, who blinked and seemed surprised to hear the young witch who possessed an insatiable stubborn streak confess it. "I should have woken you, Remus. I apologize that I didn't. I was being selfish and self-absorbed, and I didn't consider how badly I scared you tonight. I'm sorry, Professor." By now, hot tears stung and blurred the edges of her vision. Tonks tried in vain to fight down the salty, slick liquid, to not let them fall, but at this point in the conversation, it was futile.

The emotional and physical stress her body was undergoing over just the last day alone was weighing too heavily upon her shoulders, threatening to engulf her entirely if she couldn't get a grip on herself, though it was becoming increasingly difficult.

She wanted to cry, wanted for Lupin to tell her everything would be okay, that they would apprehend Black and he would not hate her for what she had done by causing him such strife.

Tonks wanted Remus to yell at her, to scream at her for the worry she had caused him tonight. She wanted him to be angry.

"Tonks." Remus's voice was surprisingly gentle, and yet there was a hint of steel laced within, a firmness that told Tonks to look up as she pointedly ducked her head down and to the left, looking away from Remus so that she wouldn't see the disappointment brimming in the man's light brown eyes, to see the hurt within.

She just bloody could not do it. What kind of a partner was she, to have worried him so badly to the point where she had woken him up and caused him to search the castle, just for her?

How could she possibly call herself Remus's partner, much less a friend to the man? How could she say that she liked him when she had done nothing to him but caused him to worry?!

"Tonks, _please_." Now Remus was practically begging her, and Tonks could no longer hold back the tears as they slid down her face. "Lift your head and look at me, Tonks. Please. I—I did not mean to yell at you like this, I—I just…" His voice trailed off as he paused, seeming to struggle to find the right words to say to her.

It seemed to take the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor an eternity spent in silence before the man found his voice again.

"The moment you spot Sirius Black again, even if it's just from a distance, or if you think it might be him, even if it isn't, you will tell me so that the problem can be rectified. We need to tell Professor Dumbledore in the morning and alert the other teachers. Do you understand, Tonks? I need you to look at me…"

Tonks shrunk down slightly, still keeping her gaze turned away from him, hearing the steel laced within Remus's quiet tone.

She heard him sigh softly before Remus spoke to her again.

"Open your eyes." His voice was much more subdued than before, and Remus sounded exhausted as if he really did not want to press his partner, and yet, found it imperative that he did so.

"I…" Tonks tried to make her voice level but couldn't. "I can't." She ducked her head, still keeping her eyes squeezed tightly shut.

Lupin paused for a moment and then asked the one question that was burning on the tip of his tongue, just begging to be asked.

"Do you trust me?"

_That_ did it. It was enough to elicit a response from Tonks. Tonks felt her eyes flung wide open and her head shot up so fast to meet Remus's questioning, pleading gaze with wide, shocked eyes.

Did she trust her partner?! Of course, she did! She trusted Remus more than she did her own partners, which spoke volumes.

"Yes," she responded instantly, still struggling to stem the tears that she knew by this point were falling uncontrollably down her cheeks. "With my life, Remus. There's no one I trust more than you, Rem."

Oh, _damn_! She didn't mean to voice that thought out loud! Tonks was right in that yes, she did trust Remus wholly but suddenly revealing that she trusted her new partner of two weeks so much that she would willingly put her life in his hands and had earlier today when he had helped her stave off Buckbeak's temper.

Well, that kind of confession would scare the hell out of some people. Tonks could practically feel Remus stun at her words.

_Great_ , she thought bitterly to herself. _Now he'll pull away—_

Before Tonks could so much as even think about finishing her thought, Lupin shot forward and wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled Tonks close, careful to be mindful of her arm in its sling as he gently rubbed her uninjured arm. Despite the heaviness in her stomach, it fluttered at the feeling of her body pressed against his. Tonks sunk into the warmth of Remus's side, appreciative of the simple and yet intimate gesture, in her mind.

He was warm, comforting. Something Tonks at this point desperately needed.

"It's all right, Dora," he murmured, his chest almost vibrating rhythmically as he whispered it into the shell of his ear. "Let it go. For fighting against a hippogriff, and then despite your _foolishness_ at searching for Black alone, you still did considerably well. You managed to take on a fully-grown agitated Hippogriff with an injured arm and you did not kill it, though you could have," he muttered, relinquishing his grip on Tonks and smiling softly as he reached up a stray hand and brushed away the last stray tear that traveled in a gentle tract down her pale face.

He watched, slightly amused, the worst of his anger towards her reckless and thoughtless behavior tonight slowly evaporating, as a light pink blush speckled its way along her cheeks as Lupin reluctantly broke their embrace, though he secretly wished to hold her again, for longer next time, if Tonks would allow him to do it.

Lupin gave Tonks a wide smile, hoping to ease the burden the young witch carried on herself and to start to mend their relationship. "Did you sleep well earlier, at least, Tonks?" he said.

"Wh—what?" Tonks stammered, startling at his question. What on Merlin's green earth did he mean by that?! Did Remus…did he know about her dream? Surely, the man didn't.

Her face flushed at the memory and she quickly averted her gaze. Tonks recovered quickly, swiveling her head, and gave Remus a nervous acknowledgment. "Y—yes, I did, thank you."

Tonks tried her best not to notice how Remus's intense gaze practically bore a hole in her, or his confused, furrowed eyebrows.

She _really_ did not want to go into the details of her dream. It was far too intimate, and highly inappropriate, considering she'd known her new partner for all of two weeks. No. She'd keep it to herself and would take it to her damned bloody grave if need be.

Lupin reached out a gentle hand to her uninjured shoulder and gave it a firm but reassuring squeeze.

"I _meant_ what I said to you earlier, Tonks," he began, hardening his voice slightly, just enough that he hoped he was not coming across as condescending to the young woman. "If you spot Black again, please inform me."

"I will," Tonks answered in a small voice, shrinking down in her bed, and collapsing back against her mountain of pillows.

While it had not been Remus's intention to upset her, at the very least, the only consolation he could offer to assuage his guilt was that Tonks was taking his words seriously now, as his partner.

"Good." He offered her a nod, and a soft, gentle smile. "I don't think you've eaten anything since your admittance earlier. I'm going to head to the kitchens to fetch you something. Are you up for eating? Is your stomach upset? What can I get you to eat?"

Tonks looked surprised at the offer of food but recovered.

"A—anything is fine with me, Remus," she muttered, resting her head back against the pillow and reaching up with her uninjured hand to tuck a wisp of her bright pink pixie back behind her ear where the stray strand rightfully belonged. "Thank you."

Lupin nodded, rising from his spot on the edge of her bed, and left Tonks in the Hospital Wing, hoping this time, she'd stay _put_.

Though before he left the Hospital Wing, he risked one last glance over his shoulder at his partner's form. She was already asleep. She looked every bit like an angel, injuries notwithstanding, in her white silk and lace nightgown, celestial like her pale skin cut from the finest of pearls, her vibrant pink hair cut a vibrant contrast to the white cotton of her pillowcases.

The nightgown she wore was flattering to her slender, petite figure, and Lupin could tell just from the outline of her form that his partner was perfect. He allowed himself to imagine as he looked at her what she would feel like wrapped in his arms if he were to attempt at some point to hug her again, even…to kiss her.

His body began to react to the thoughts of her, and Lupin almost growled in frustration as he shook his head and Remus forced himself to lose his imaginations on other wonders of Tonks.

Remus was grateful that Tonks had opened up to him slightly and had shared her thoughts on why she had behaved the way that she had tonight. It was painful, but at least it was a connection. Perhaps something to build the foundations of their new partnership and eventually, in time, a friendship upon, yes.

He wondered what other experiences had shaped her as he walked out of the Hospital Wing and headed towards the kitchens.

Though she was fast asleep already, he still fully intended to have the house-elves in the kitchens prepare her a plate of something that he could set on the table by her bedside, just in case she was hungry when she woke up, hopefully, a few hours from now. The poor thing was exhausted and needed to rest.

He did not like being so harsh to Dora with his words, but Tonks needed to understand that Remus was not about to tolerate the young witch attempting to play the part of the heroine here and getting herself into dangerous situations like she had tonight.

Remus knew he was still angry with Tonks, and not because Lupin wanted to be, and certainly not because Dora deserved to have him angry with her. But rather, he was upset with Nymphadora because Remus had felt so much fear that he knew he was honestly offended that the Metamorphmagus and Auror did not seem to care about her own well-being as much as Remus clearly did.

Professor Dumbledore had appointed him as her partner to watch her back, and Remus intended to do just that, and he was not about to stand for Dora making choices like wandering after Sirius alone, choices that were so self-destructive.

Lupin had thought that, as he had stormed out of the Hospital Wing when he'd first discovered Tonks was missing when he woke up, for he missed the warmth that the feeling of her body pressed against his had given off, that the unthinkable had happened to her, that perhaps Sirius had gotten to Tonks and had killed her.

That maybe he was too late to save her, and Remus was not apt to soon forget the horrible sick feeling he had felt when he'd first laid eyes upon his partner when she'd come off the topmost step of the dungeons' staircase, how relieved he had been to find his partner still alive and in one piece, injured though Tonks was.

That cold, sinking feeling in the pit of his chest and churning stomach, wondering if Nymphadora Tonks, who was perhaps the sweetest and most innocent witch he'd known his lifetime aside from Lily Potter and Alice Longbottom, to meet such a grisly end.

Remus was not angry with his partner for any other reason than for the fact that Nymphadora had scared him so badly tonight. And as he strode down the hallway with his hands in the pockets of his trousers, he knew the two of them were not at all finished having their conversation, but he needed to wait until she was of a better sound mind to discuss it. Lupin realized that was a fear, the fear of losing her, that he never wanted to face again if he could help it.

* * *

**A difficult conversation but it needed to be had, I think. Coming up in Chapter 14, we take a peek inside Neville Longbottom's head a few minutes before Professor Lupin's boggart class, where he encounters Draco Malfoy, who is hellbent on making Longbottom pay for not letting him copy an assignment...**


	14. Don't Think About It

**14**

**NEVILLE** at first, was not sure what to make of the quite pretty pink-haired young Auror assigned to guard the first floor of Hogwarts, particularly the corridor outside of Professor Lupin's Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, though he quickly grew to like Nymphadora Tonks as the days passed as she sat with the students at their respective tables during mealtimes, chatting animatedly with them and entertaining them all by using her Metamorphmagus powers to transform into various classmates and professors and trick one another.

The only time she chose to sat at the staff table alongside the rest of the professors was whenever Professor Lupin took his meals in the Great Hall alongside the rest of the teachers, and he wondered if she would be present to watch the man's class today, considering he'd caught the two of them over the last couple of days spending increasing amounts of time with one another, and it did not escape the Gryffindor's attention how he almost fretted over her, with her arm in a sling.

It looked as though Malfoy hadn't been the only one who Buckbeak had taken a good chunk out of. Tonks had suffered too when she'd tried to calm the brute down, and it had bitten her arm.

So much, in fact, that she was forced to wear a sling by orders of Madam Pomfrey for the next couple of weeks, alongside Malfoy, though Draco's injuries were long since healed, now he was just being a show-off, Neville thought bitterly, a surge of anger coursing through his veins. Tonks's injury of her arm was much, much worse.

There were rumors that Lucius Malfoy was royally _ticked_ , that he was threatening to have a hearing with the School Board of Governors and that Tonks herself was to be summoned to give her statement in a couple of days alongside Hagrid.

It had been a few days since the hippogriff had attacked Malfoy and Tonks on the same day, but it might as well have just happened yesterday, with the way that Draco proceeded to carry on in a dramatic fashion, complaining of the non-existent pain.

Neville frowned. If anything, Tonks was the one who had it worse and had almost lost her arm as a result of blood loss, with Madame Pomfrey having to put the bone back in place where it was supposed to go.

They were only rumors, of course, but considering how morose Professor Hagrid had been ever since the incident with the hippogriff, Neville assumed they held at least a little bit of truth. Though he frowned as he made his way into the loo to wash his hands before heading to Professor Lupin's class, not wanting to be late, but needing to rid the dirt from the greenhouses from their Herbology class underneath his nails before he headed to their next class.

Deep in thought, Neville looked down as water from the sink dribbled over his fingertips, his brows furrowed in concentration as he worked to get the grit from out from underneath his nails. He hadn't been paying attention when he walked in, but now noticed another third-year standing at the sink and was now speaking to him.

"You gonna take all day, Longbottom?" growled an angered and curt tone. Neville stiffened and drew in a hiss of breath.

He felt a figure nudge beside him. _Malfoy_.

Neville scoffed and did his best not to roll his eyes, though he swallowed down past the lump in his throat as he turned away, not wanting to give Draco and his goons the satisfaction of seeing they got to him.

Malfoy seemed to be in less-than-a-good mood this morning, which was saying something, as the Slytherin was almost never in a good mood, and Neville couldn't help the stab of fear that pricked at his heartstrings as Draco's thin lips curled upward in a truly twisted smirk.

Whatever Neville had done to irritate Malfoy, it _showed_ , and Neville had been about to turn away until he felt the Slytherin's large hands come down and grip hard onto his shoulders. He grimaced and shrunk down ever-so-slightly when he felt the man's fingers moving roughly over his shirt, towards his throat.

"S—see you in Defense Against the Dark Arts, Malfoy, I'll be going now," Neville stammered, trying to shrug out of Draco's grip without ticking him off further.

"I don't think so, Longbottom. I want a word with you before class," he snarled. "Didn't I _tell_ you what would happen, Longbottom, if you didn't let me copy?" he growled, stalking up towards Neville and seizing a fistful of his black Hogwarts sweater, shaking it, and thrusting his face into Neville's, the tip of his nose practically touching Neville's.

"Uh, I…I…I forgot…" Neville mumbled, squirming underneath Draco's ironclad grasp and struggling to take a step towards the lavatory door. He wasn't exactly good at social interactions even on a normal day. This conversation had gone sour so fast that Neville could feel beads of sweat starting to form along his brow bone.

"You 'forgot?'" snarled Malfoy, the edges of his lips curling upwards to reveal pinked gums. "Maybe I should _remind_ you, huh, Longbottom? Maybe this will jog your memory," he snapped coldly. Malfoy was quick to grab Neville, pulling the Gryffindor back with hard, calloused rough hands, or his one good hand, rather, and shoving him forward against the bathroom's cold porcelain sink.

Neville flinched as his chest was practically crushed against the sink's surface and as his legs were pressed painfully toward the front. "Let. Go!" he shouted in as an assertive voice as he could manage, though he sounded a lot less strong than he had intended. "Get off of me!" he cried.

"Let you _go_?" Malfoy hissed. "I don't _think_ so, Longbottom, you just _got_ here! I think you need a reminder. When I tell you to let me copy," he growled in a dangerously low and quiet voice, "you _let_ me. But…" he paused and looked towards the bathroom stall. "I don't think you going along with this is enough, huh? No, it's not…"

With a frightened shriek as Draco Malfoy tugged on Neville's arm and dragged him towards an open bathroom stall, probably going to dunk his head in the toilet, if Neville had to hazard a guess, Neville balled his shaking hand into a fist and brought his arm back, fully prepared to punch the jerk as hard as he could, considering his wand was in his school bag and he had no time to grab it.

Unfortunately, Malfoy seemed to have anticipated his move and grabbed Neville's wrist with his uninjured hand in a painful, bruising grip before Longbottom could land his punch to his face.

"Do not _ever_ hit me again, Longbottom. Or it's the _last_ thing you'll ever do," Draco whisper hissed into the shell of his ear, as Neville whimpered a pained sob as he tugged futilely at his shirt sleeve, hoping to free himself, but felt hope rise in his chest when he heard a pair of delicate footfalls, much too late to belong to a guy, nearing the bathroom door.

" _Help_!" Neville screamed in as loud a voice as his straining lungs could muster. "Help m—"

But his voice was cut off as his assailant slammed a rough hand over his face, shutting Neville up. Draco reached back and kicked the bathroom stall door shut with his foot and then used his free, uninjured hand to threateningly wind his hand around the column of Neville's throat as the Gryffindor third-year boy reached up with his own hands and gripped at Malfoy's left arm, which was wound so tightly around his throat, he could hardly breathe, trying desperately to pull Malfoy off.

" _Shut_. _Up_. Longbottom, or you'll get _worse_ than this," Draco Malfoy growled in a low whisper, not even having to tell Neville what would happen if he didn't quiet down as he tightened his arm around the column of Neville's throat, pressing down harder against his captive's face in a rage.

Neville let out a muffled whimper but didn't bother trying to scream again as the bathroom's front door opened and creaked.

As Neville remained stiller than a corpse, his face draining of colors, crushing back against the bathroom door as Malfoy pushed one of his legs between Neville's to keep the Gryffindor from squirming out of his ironclad grasp, he saw a shadow of a feminine figure entering the bathroom and walking across the floor, the heels of her black boots clicking across the linoleum floor.

A wave of relief washed over Neville as he recognized those boots.

_Tonks_ , he thought. Did Malfoy even realize as the pair of boys waited with bated breath that the Slytherin was smothering him to death?

How long was this part going to go for, Merlin damn it? He could kill Neville purely on accident before Tonks finally left, and she did not seem to care it was the men's loo.

Neville struggled to move his head back, just a fraction of an inch as his strained lungs began to burn, screaming for sweet, precious oxygen to return to them before he passed out.

Malfoy's hand over his face was pressing down even harder. He tried to gasp, to scream for Tonks to help, but couldn't even inhale a single breath of air, and this caused him to panic and struggle harder against Malfoy.

"Neville? Are you in here?" came Tonks's voice, low and sounding concerned, though she'd stopped walking. "Ron and Harry told me you left Herbology in a hurry, that you might have come in here a few minutes ago. You're going to be late for your next class. Are you sick? Say something…"

Draco Malfoy emitted a low, rumbling growl that Neville felt, as his chest was practically pushed up against his. Malfoy emanated a tense exhale through his flaring nostrils.

"He's not in here, Tonks," he growled out to his cousin, the very words sounding as though they caused him pain.

Of course, that could have been because Neville continued to silently fight Draco as best as he could in vain.

Neville felt tears start to stream down his face and catching on Malfoy's hand that still pressed over his mouth and nose as Malfoy grinned sickeningly down at Neville and squeezed his throat even tighter.

"Are you sure? I thought I heard..." he heard Tonks say before she trailed off in hesitation.

"No, he's not, _cousin_ ," he answered in an upbeat sounding voice. "Longbottom…left."

Black spots started to form at the edge of poor Neville's vision as with weakening hands, Longbottom tugged desperately at his attacker's arm, but couldn't get Malfoy to budge. The Slytherin was, like it or not, stronger than him.

Neville was so incredibly dizzy at this point, surprised he still had the strength left to stand, though if Draco didn't have his throat hostage, he felt sure he'd have collapsed, yes.

He tried his best to scream or whimper, _something_ , anything to get the young Auror's attention that no, he was still here, and very much in need of her assistance, but couldn't. With each passing moment, Neville felt weaker as oxygen failed to reach his lungs and his vision went hazy.

"Are you _sure_ , Draco?" Tonks still sounded suspicious, and Neville could almost imagine the young woman who bore such a striking resemblance to his mum when she was younger, quirking a delicately thin eyebrow towards the stall. "Harry and his friend said they saw him come in here, and that was like, um, I don't know, maybe five minutes?"

Neville tried to make any kind of noise as Draco's arm tightened around his throat, and he succeeded as he slammed Draco's injured arm into the wall of the stall.

"He's not in here and—Merlin's left _nutsack_!" Draco swore violently as his frustration with his cousin and with Neville's attempts to fight back-mounted to dangerous levels.

"Neville? Was that you that made a noise?" Tonks's voice seemed more concerned as the young Auror knocked on the door again, harder, and more urgent, louder this time.

As his assailant's hand pulled at Neville's sweater, intent on slamming the Gryffindor back against the wall, Neville brought his foot down as hard as he possibly could, fortunately making contact with Draco's right shin, causing the Slytherin to stagger backward and grunt, enough to relinquish his hold on Neville and let out a cry of pain.

Neville coughed, gasping for air as his lungs beseeched sweet, precious oxygen to return to him before screaming in a weak, strained voice, " _Tonks_! _Help me! In here_!" Neville managed to squeak before his attacker's leg shot out in front of him, intending to trip him and dunk his face in the toilet. " _Help_!"

"Merlin's left—" Draco swore under his breath through gritted teeth, but it was too late for Malfoy now. The Auror had heard Neville's cry for help, and nothing was going to explain that away, no matter how cunning Draco thought he was.

And much to Longbottom's relief, within a half-second, the young pink-haired witch had kicked at the door hard enough with the heel of her boot so hard, she broke the lock.

The flimsy bathroom stall door swung open, slamming loudly against the stall's wall so damned audibly loud that the sound reverberated off the bathroom walls and echoed.

Before Neville could even process what was happening, he felt Draco being violently wrenched off of him, but even as it happened, the Gryffindor frantically shrunk down as far as he could go, trying to get as far away from Malfoy as possible as he fell clumsily onto the floor of the stall.

Neville gasped in surprise, breathing in deep, pained breaths, and crawled backward until he was cowering in the corner of the loo's stall as he watched Tonks shove Malfoy against the wall, seizing fistfuls of his sweater and shaking them, hard.

Nymphadora Tonks thrust her face dangerously close to Draco Malfoy's and was speaking to her cousin in hushed, whispered tones, too low for Malfoy to make out what was being said, but it was enough to make the boy pale rapidly.

This continued for at least a minute or two before Tonks relinquished her grip on Malfoy and let go of the fistfuls of his shirt.

" _Get out_ ," she growled in a voice devoid of warmth, her voice hardened, as a muscle in her jaw twitched as she kept her cold, glowering gaze fixated on her cousin. "I'll be informing your Head of House what you've done, Mr. Malfoy. And I _did_ warn you, didn't I, the next time I caught you acting out, that I wouldn't be so kind," Tonks murmured. "As an Auror, I'm not allowed to jinx a student," she grumbled in a voice that sounded thoroughly disgruntled.

Draco breathed a sigh that Neville could only assume was meant to be a sigh of relief, and as Tonks and Neville witnessed the beginnings of a smirk started to form at the edge of his mouth, Tonks seemed to have decided she'd have enough of her cousins' despicable behavior.

Before he turned on the heel of his shoe to go, Tonks's arm shot out and caught Malfoy by his forearm, and, without giving her cousin a chance to explain his actions, Tonks's hand cracked across Draco's face, snapping it back with the force of her blow and causing his head to reel sickeningly as it slammed into the wall behind him.

When black dots quit covering Malfoy's vision, he was standing in the men's loo with Tonks shooting him a look of dagger eyes, and Neville Longbottom having finally managed to stumble out of the stall.

"Y—you—you _witch_! My father will hear about this!"

Malfoy's jaw dropped open in shock as Tonks slapped him again. The slap was as loud as a clap and hurt like hell.

It had been one hell of an open-handed smack and it had left a huge red welt behind, just underneath Draco's left eye.

Just below his eye was a small cut where one of Tonks's rings had caught him. He staggered backward, clutching at his face, his eyes watering, and did not like at his cousin.

" _Go_ , then. _Tell_ him. I'll inform the man myself in three days when I see your father at the hearing what you've done. Before you leave this room, Mr. Malfoy, you _will_ apologize to Mr. Longbottom for what you have just done, won't you, and make no mistake, Professor Snape will hear about this, kid."

Draco shot Neville a withering look that would have had the ability to wilt a fully-bloomed rose had he the ability, causing Neville to shirk backward and step behind Tonks.

Tonks felt a surge of pride and affection for the Longbottom boy, that one of Harry's Housemates trusted her enough to protect him from this scumbag that was her cousin, like it or not. She had held out hope before, for the boy to change, though she was beginning to wonder if there was no hope left for Draco, not with a father like Lucius…

It seemed to take Draco Malfoy an eternity to find his voice, and when he did manage to lift his chin and stare at Neville, it was with no small amount of loathing and animosity in his piercing gaze.

"Sorry," Draco grumbled, in a voice that did not sound sorry at all, though upon being on the receiving end of another violent glower from Tonks, he turned on the heel of his shoes and bolted out of the loo, though not before risking one last glance over his shoulder, his face reddening in anger as he looked at Tonks. " _Slag_!"

A burning rage hit Neville so hard that he did not have time to properly sort through his emotions. One moment, he was watching the witch with the vibrant dark pink pixie cut put Draco Malfoy in his place by dealing him a blow that Neville was secretly jealous of, wishing he could throw a punch like that, and she hadn't even used her wand for it, and the next, Malfoy had turned the tables on Tonks and had gotten the last word by insulting his own blood cousin.

Longbottom's emotions raged uncontrollably within him, so much that his hands clenched into shaking fists at his sides, feeling nothing but anger and a twinge of fear at the sight of Draco Malfoy glaring at Tonks like a panther stalking its prey, all the while the older witch and Auror was unfazed.

If she was at all affected by Malfoy's insult, the young woman hid it well, as her face remained neutral and impassive, though if Neville wasn't mistaken, the briefest flickers of shock and anger darted across her pale gray orbs flecked with just a tint of blue, as quickly as it had come, it was vanished, replaced by that same mask of apathy.

Draco Malfoy had really done it. He'd gone too far this time. He had insulted so far the one witch in his small, lonely world who did not make fun of home aside from Ginny and Hermione, who did not look at him with contempt and pity.

Neville let go of his timidness, his fear, his gentle demeanor, for they would do him no good here with Malfoy.

He was not going to let Malfoy insult Tonks. He _couldn't_.

Neville bristled, feeling himself lunge forward as a surge of anger coursed through his veins, pumping adrenaline straight to his heart upon hearing the insult Tonks had just been on the receiving end of but stopped when he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder, applying just enough pressure to coax him to look to his immediate left, towards Tonks.

" _Don't_." She gave her head a curt shake and shook her head no as she looked Neville up and down once, no doubt to check for any signs of injuries, with a look that Longbottom could only describe as concern mixed with shock etched in her pale and really quite pretty, features.

Neville opened his mouth to protest, but promptly closed his mouth and fell silent, shaking his head back and forth in disbelief. Who was this woman that Professor Lupin seemed to like so bloody much?! She didn't want him to—after the horrible thing he had just said to her, and what he'd just tried to do to him here in the stall of the bathroom?

Tonks must have been able to sense his stunned shock, for she glanced at him cautiously out of the corner of her eye. "He isn't _worth_ it, Neville," Tonks sighed in an exasperated tone, pinching at the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger, as though fighting off a bad migraine.

"But you—you _hit_ him!" protested Neville as he stared at the young pink-haired witch incredulously. "H—he's going to remember that, Miss Tonks," he murmured nervously as he slowly followed the intelligent young Auror out of the loo.

Tonks made a noise at the back of her throat that sounded like a cross between a laugh and a snort as she did not hesitate to sling her arm around Neville's shoulder and pull him close like a friend would as she escorted him out of the bathroom and down the hall towards his next class.

"I hope so," Nymphadora Tonks chuckled brightly, casting a somewhat wary glance at Neville out of the corner of her eye, as though still trying to silently gauge for herself his reaction and if the young thirteen-year-old would be okay. "If my cousin _forgets_ , then I'll just have to remind him."

Her smile faltered, sliding off her face like Stinksap as Neville nodded and tried to return her soft smile of friendship, but it did not reach his eyes as he looked away.

Tonks furrowed her brows as the pair slowed their pacing, taking their time to head towards his next class.

_Remus's class_ , she thought, feeling a surge of intrigue snake its way from the pit of her stomach up into her chest.

Today was the day when the man was teaching his third-year class on how to deal with that old boggart in the wardrobe. The man had practically begged her to stop into the lesson to see how his class dealt with the shapeshifting creature, though Tonks could not quite shake the feeling from her senses that her partner was curious as to her boggart's form. She sighed, low enough so the boy didn't hear.

Well. She would show Remus _hers_ if she got to see _his_. It was only fair, though Tonks had a sinking feeling his boggart most likely had something to do with his lycanthropy if she had to hazard a guess.

_Maybe it's his way of finally being honest with me going forward_ , Tonks told herself, though she paused, halting in her movements as she bit down on her tongue. This was it.

Today was the day when she was finally going to have to tell her partner about the truth of her relationship with Sirius Black. She didn't think she could keep the secret for much longer, and Tonks knew she owed that much to Lupin.

After everything he had done for her up to this point in their relationship, she owed it to the man to be truthful.

Tonks felt her pale gray eyes widen in shock as she had allowed her mind to once again, for the third time this week since the incident with Buckbeak, to drift to thoughts of _him_.

It was nonsensical, and Tonks did not understand it.

Giving her head a curt shake to clear her mind, Tonks sighed as she could see Professor Lupin's class gathered at the end of the hall, with the teacher himself seeming to be waiting on them. Neville made a move to shuffle down the hall, but before he could, Tonks, in her mind, wanted more time to linger with the Longbottom boy, and shot out her arm and placed a gentle hand on the kid's shoulder, preventing the skittish young Gryffindor from taking another step forward.

"Are you hurt, Neville?" Tonks wondered out loud in a concerned voice, lowering it so Neville could hear her words.

But Merlin's Beard, she felt so _awkward_ having this conversation, but Tonks knew it was imperative that she needed to know that Longbottom wasn't physically hurt in any way that was significant at all, if he needed a trip to the Hospital Wing, or if Professor McGonagall should be told.

"I'm okay," Neville murmured, embarrassed, as a pink blush painted his cheeks almost red. "I think so anyway. H—he grabbed me really hard but I—I don't think anything's broken or anything like that. Y—you found me before he…"

He trailed off and looked at the class waiting outside the door rather than finishing that little unpleasant thought.

Tonks nodded in understanding, glad to hear that, but knew in the Longbottom boy's mind, and Malfoy's for that matter, it wasn't just going to erase everything that happened. She was no doubt going to hear about this at the hearing, later on, Tonks was sure of it.

Frowning, Tonks contemplated what to say or do next, finding herself at a loss for words.

Though it was a serious issue, she knew she didn't want Neville to feel any worse than the boy already did. He didn't need to be thinking about this—ever again, really. She'd stopped Malfoy. It was over. Done with. Was _never_ going to happen again, or so help him, Merlin be damned with the rules, she would jinx Draco.

Tonks would personally make sure of that, so Neville or any other student that was in her cousin's crosshairs had no reason to worry about Draco Malfoy picking on them.

She knew she needed to make this okay, in Longbottom's mind, at least, and she racked her brain for the right words.

Tonks shook her head and sighed, wanting to get her point across before she and the others joined Professor Lupin and the rest of the class. Her heart fluttered unexpectedly as Remus quirked a questioning brow her way.

_Later_ , she silently mouthed, before catching Remus's nod of understanding, and she turned back towards Neville.

"Don't think about it, Neville," Tonks insisted quickly as she gripped onto his arm in a rather surprisingly tight grip.

"How did you know I was in there?" Neville questioned as the pair of them resumed walking, slowly, almost at a leisurely pace, not wanting to continue to keep Lupin waiting on them, but at the same time, wanting to wrap up the talk.

Tonks shrugged as she looked away from Neville and back towards Remus, wondering how on Merlin's green _earth_ she was going to tell Lupin she'd punched a student. She grimaced at just that thought and decided to let it go for now. That would be a problem she'd deal with after Lupin's class.

"Harry and Ron were worried about you. Told me you came into the bathroom but didn't come out. They thought maybe you had food poisoning from something at lunch."

Shaking her head, Tonks frowned and continued her best to rid her mind of thoughts of what had happened. She, just like Neville did, wanted to put it from her mind, and the sooner, the better.

The moment she'd heard Neville's cry for help, Tonks hadn't hesitated to act, but if only she could have gotten there sooner. The thought of poor Neville being held against that disgusting, grimy stall, choked, hurt, while Tonks stood on the other side of the lavatory door made her heartache.

She didn't really _know_ Longbottom, not that well, but she could tell an underdog when she saw one, of which Neville most certainly was, and had made it a point to get to know the kid who was a bit of a loner, she had noticed.

Tonks felt a burning heat crepe to her cheeks as the pair got closer and closer towards where Professor Lupin was standing idly by the closed door of his classroom, waiting.

She blushed and pointedly looked away, the intensity of the young man's gaze as he looked questionably, a frown on his scarred lips, was almost too much for Tonks to handle.

"W—well, everything's fine now, Neville. Just…try not to think about it, okay?" Tonks murmured, clapping Longbottom on the back in what she hoped was a friendly pat. She wanted him to forget about this for the time being. "Just focus on the lesson ahead. It's going to be a good one."

Neville smiled, a genuine smile this time around, which spent a spiral of relief washing over Tonks's entire being.

"It's all going to work out, right, Miss Tonks?" he asked, unable to disguise the note of hope creeping into his tone.

"That's right," Tonks forced a smile before she turned to look towards Remus, suddenly feeling lighter as the man met her gaze, shooting her a soft smile and opening the door to his classroom, ushering the rest of the third-years inside.

Neville nodded eagerly and shuffled inside alongside his fellow Gryffindors, satisfied with their conversation for now.

"It will all work out…" Tonks murmured under her breath, keeping her gaze fixated on Professor Lupin as she slipped inside the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom and gingerly closed the door behind her, smart enough not to look back, wondering if her intentions to reveal to her partner the truth about Sirius was going to be a change in their relationship for the better, and she hoped the man would take it well and would grow comfortable enough to confide in her the truth about the nature of his affliction.

She did not care that the man was a werewolf, and Tonks took it on herself as she took a seat at the back of the classroom in the furthermost corner of the room so as to not distract her partner while he taught the lesson, to discover what was really going on with Professor Remus John Lupin.

Tonks was confused as to why the man continued to keep appearing in her dreams, and the nature of the looks that he was giving her, but Tonks had a feeling she would find it out sooner rather than later.

And hopefully…tonight.

* * *

**I've always thought it would be fun to do a Neville POV for a change, considering he's definitely an underdog and I feel like both Remus and Tonks would have gone out of their way to root for the students who seem to be having a difficult time, as is demonstrated next chapter in the famous 'Boggart' chapter of POA, that I've tweaked and re-told from Lupin's POV. I hope it's a good chapter, and I hope that I can do it justice! Stay tuned, my lovely readers!**


	15. The Boggart in the Wardrobe

**15**

**SHE** had shown up. Lupin could almost not believe his eyes, thinking that Tonks, due to the nature of her injured arm or her duties would have pulled her away from attending his lesson, wouldn't have come, but here she was.

Particularly after their harsh conversation and his cutting remarks towards her in the Hospital Wing, he had thought for certain that he had scared Nymphadora away.

Lupin knew that there was much that remained unspoken between the two of them that needed to be said. Such as the matter of his lycanthropy, though the thought of what her reaction might be upon learning the truth of his, as James used to call it, 'furry little problem', terrified him, perhaps even more so than the full moon at this time.

But he also recognized he owed it to Tonks, to be honest with the young woman. He would tell her after class. As uncomfortable as the topic made him, he recognized that it was the only way that their partnership was going to work.

No more secrets. No more lies between the two of them. Just the two of them being open and honest with one another. Starting with him.

Reluctantly, Remus forced himself to tear his gaze away from the pink-haired young witch currently perched on top of an abandoned desk, sitting cross-legged on its surface, her hands resting in her lap, though it did not escape his attention how Tonks continuously fidgeted with her arm in its sling, shifting uncomfortably where she sat, picking at the dressings on her injured hand and trying to brush off the pain.

It was clear to Remus that even after a few days, his partner was not yet used to the contraption and his good mood dissipated just slightly as he thought of how uncomfortable it must be.

His mood now soured at the thought of Tonks suffering and in pain as a light rapping of someone's knuckles on the doorway of his classroom caused his wolfish hearing to go on alert and his ears perked up at the intrusion.

Remus bristled in silence as he saw Snape standing in the doorway, glancing sideways out of the corner of his eyes at his partner, a goblet full of scalding, still-smoking Wolfsbane Potion in his arms, and Remus froze.

Tonks was an Auror. There was no question in his mind that, as a highly-skilled and trained Auror, she surely would have been taught to recognize Wolfsbane when she saw it.

"Ah, Professor Snape," Lupin began slowly and cautiously, in what he hoped was a polite, courteous tone devoid of any trace of dislike, as he could not afford to be viewed among his students and staff as anything but professional, polite, and courteous, old schoolboy grudges aside, as he clasped his shaking hands behind his back in the effort to prevent himself from striking out at Snape in anger. "How…pleasant of you to join us. Would you care to stay and watch the class learn how to repel a boggart, Professor?"

The sallow-faced, greasy-haired Potions Master scrunched his nose and made a face in Lupin's general direction as though he could think of nothing worse than spending a class period in Remus's company. Well. It worked _both_ ways.

Surely, Severus could sense the revolt and immense dislike Remus nursed against him, though if he did, the man hid it well, as was expected of him as a professional.

"No, Professor, I would _not_ ," he added with a sneer and glanced down at the smoking goblet in his hands. "I, unlike you, have much _better_ things to do with my time. No, I merely stopped by to inform you that I have made an entire cauldronful, Professor Lupin. Should you need any more."

"Thank you, Professor Snape. I should probably take some more again tomorrow," Remus uttered quickly, visibly flinching as Severus turned towards Nymphadora, and, without even waiting for permission, plunked the pungent-smelling, smoking goblet in Tonks's waiting and uninjured pale hand. He felt a sheen of sweat start to throng on his forehead and he swallowed down hard past a frog in his throat as Tonks crinkled her nose in disgust as she sniffed it.

_Oh, Merlin's Beard, she has to know what it is by now…_

Though Remus had no chance to ponder it as he scowled at Professor Snape, who proceeded to watch in silence as Tonks gingerly clutched the goblet in her hands tenderly, as though holding the gentlest of china, afraid she'd spill it.

Lupin frowned, pursing his lips into a thin line, unaware his nails were digging into the palms of his hands as he waited anxiously. Tonks lifted her chin and jutted it out slightly defiantly, almost in a challenging manner as she met his gaze. If she knew, she hid it quite well, which only increased his already racing heartbeat and his frantic, short breaths.

It was Professor Snape, however, who broke the heavy, uncomfortable silence, and the deadly silence fell upon the entire classroom, so much so, you could hear a pin drop.

The low muttering of the students conversing amongst themselves in hushed whispers died down in an instant.

Professor Snape's listless eyes as black as coal scanned the room pointedly as if searching for something, and the edges of his thin, wormy lips tugged upward in a twisted smirk.

"I don't know if anyone has told you, Professor Lupin," Snape's droll baritone resonated throughout the room, a slight mocking lilt to his voice now as his gaze lingered unabashed and brazen upon Neville Longbottom, "but your third-year class contains Neville Longbottom. I would advise you not to entrust him with anything too difficult, Professor Lupin. Not unless Miss Granger over there is hissing instructions in his ear, he will never amount. The boy is a lost cause. I just thought you'd like to know."

Poor Neville, much to Lupin's anger, went positively scarlet. Several of the students, it had not escaped Remus's attention, shot Snape truly withering looks. Lupin had heard rumors of Severus bullying Frank and Alice's son during his Potions class and had not wanted to believe them, but it would seem now that there was truth to these rumors.

Lupin felt his eyebrows raise so far up onto his forehead that they almost disappeared. Tonks, he noted, out of the corner of his eyes, was shooting Professor Snape an equally displeased look, her pale gray orbs darkening as a look of shock and anger flitted across her features, and his mind was drawn back towards Tonks escorting Neville down the hallway to his classroom. Something had happened between the two of them, he was sure of it.

_Perhaps she'll tell me later_. Remus let out an exasperated sigh but remained unmoved, moving his hands from behind his back and letting his hands rest casually in the pockets of his jacket.

"I was actually hoping that Neville would assist me with the first stage of the operation, Professor Snape, and I am confident that he will perform it _admirably_ , Severus," Remus replied coldly, suggested his patience was not to be tested, and yet, ever mindful of feigned courtesies, inclined his head as he looked towards Neville, whose blush had intensified. Neville's face went redder, a mix of shame and embarrassment with just the briefest hint of something unidentifiable as Lupin's sharp gaze noticed Longbottom glance over his shoulder back towards Tonks.

Tonks, much to his curiosity and amusement, was shooting Professor Snape a dazzlingly white, infectious smile, which only merely proceeded to confuse Remus further. Snape too, it would seem, who frowned.

"What's wrong, Severus? You look truly _dreadful_ , Snape. Bad day?" Tonks murmured thoughtfully from her spot in the corner perched on top of the broken desk, absentmindedly picking at her cuticles, causing her purple nail polish to become even more chipped, though she feigned interest, actively avoiding Snape's gaze.

"I _was_ doing just _fine_ up until this exact moment, Miss Tonks, when I ran into _you_ , you wretched little succubus," Severus grumbled back to Tonks with his frown deepening, unaware that the entire class and Professor Lupin was now actively paying attention, and before the young Auror could open her mouth to respond with a witty remark, she did not get a chance as Hogwarts' Potions Master sneered at the pink-haired witch before glancing back over his shoulder towards Professor Lupin and shooting the man and Neville Longbottom a truly scathing look before exiting the classroom.

The door slammed so hard behind him as he closed it with a curt wave of his wand the ancient door rattled in its rusty hinges.

Lupin felt his blood boil at the insult and the indignation of the Potions Master to insult his partner in such a way that he thought, were rather odious terms. Tonks crinkled her nose and stuck out her tongue in a truly adorable way before turning back around and resting the back of her head against the wall, shooting Remus an apologetic look.

She dipped her head in acknowledgment, silently trying to apologize for the disturbance to his lesson with those pleading gray orbs of those that caused Lupin's heart to pound against his chest.

"My apologies, Professor Snape, sir, I meant you no disrespect," Tonks grumbled in a voice that did not sound sorry at all and yet, was still courteous toward Snape, even when, in Remus's mind, Snape did not deserve it.

In fact, Remus pondered, it looked as though his partner had more to say on the subject of Severus Snape, and he was hardly aware all eyes were on the two of them.

He could not find it within himself to tear his gaze away from Tonks as she glanced down at the goblet of Wolfsbane Potion in her hand and scrunched her nose in disgust as she slowly lifted the goblet to her nose and sniffed it before her face turned an interesting shade of green and she gingerly set it in the middle of her lap.

" _I know…Remus. I know…it is all right._ "

Her words were faint, barely audible, and if Remus had already not been hanging onto Dora's every word, he surely would have missed it. His heart leaped and soared in his chest, though a loud shriek from one of the girls coming from the front of the class forced his attention to return to his lesson, and he had no time to dwell on Tonks's revelation that she had somehow managed to figure it out.

Whether it was just now, thanks to Snape, or if Nymphadora had known all along for a while now, he did not know, but he had no chance as the wardrobe in front of the group shook for the third time.

Forcing a soft smile that tugged at the edges of his lips as he strolled casually to the front of his class, his hands in the pockets of his trousers, he addressed the group of third-year-students.

"Intriguing, isn't it?" he called out, raising his voice just slightly enough to ensure the entire class (and Tonks) could hear him speak. The wardrobe rattled again, almost as if the boggart inside was agreeing with the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor. The entire class gave a jolt at the noise. Professor Lupin smiled and his gaze yet again drifted towards the back of the class where Tonks still sat cross-legged on top of the desk.

She winked at him coyly. Feeling a maddening heat creep to his cheeks, he swallowed down hard past the lump in his throat, forcing his mind to concentrate on his students and trying hard not to think of Dora and failing miserably.

_What frightens you, Tonks_? This thought plastered inside his mind and made his skin crawl, though he forced himself to shove aside the inappropriate thought for now.

"Would anyone like to venture a guess as to what is inside?"

"That's a boggart, that is," piped up Seamus Finnigan in a nervous sounding voice, and Seamus and Neville collectively took a step back, Longbottom's arm shooting out for Seamus's in fear.

"Very good, Mr. Finnigan, five points to Gryffindor," Lupin commented, barely stifling his grin at the Gryffindors' smiles of encouragement. "Now can anyone tell me what a boggart _looks_ like?" he emphasized, already predicting who would answer him within a second. He was right, of course.

"No one knows," piped up Hermione Granger's soft, quiet voice, much to Ron and Harry Potter's astonishment, who hadn't seen her come in, though the two were not privy to the knowledge that, thanks to special permissions from Dumbledore and McGonagall, Hermione Granger was the youngest person in the history of Great Britain to be entrusted with a Time-Turner for her class load this term. Powerful devices and quite disastrous to get them all wrong.

Hermione continued speaking, ignoring her two best friends who glanced at each other with raised eyebrows towards her surprise appearance in the classroom.

"Boggarts are shapeshifters. They take the shape of whatever particular person in front of them fears the most. That's what makes them so—"

"So terrifying, yes. Good, very good, Miss Granger."

As Remus spoke, he once again found his mind drifting unhelpfully once again towards Tonks, who was still watching him pace in a leisurely manner towards the front of the classroom, though if he was being honest with himself, Remus felt anything but relaxed right now. Not with Tonks watching. He had to make a good impression.

"Luckily, a very simple charm exists to repel a boggart. Let's practice it now. Ah, without wands, if you please. Repeat once after me. _Riddikulus_!"

" _Riddikulus_!" the class chorused in unison, sounding excited.

He did not bother to stifle the warm feeling of pleasure in his chest as he looked upward, gazing at his class, shooting his third-years a bright smile before his gaze settled on Tonks, who was looking at him in a rather affectionate way.

His heart swelled. "Wonderful," Remus piped up the moment the locked wardrobe shook again, earning a collective jump from the class as a whole, and Professor Lupin was forced to tear his gaze from his partner (yet again) and back towards the class. "I'd like a volunteer to help me demonstrate this useful spell," he began, his sharp eyes scanning the front of the classroom, as though making a show of who he wished to pick.

He swore his wolfish hearing picked up snippets of the Malfoy boy making a snide comment under his breath to his Slytherin comrades, though he stopped the moment Nymphadora slowly rose from her chair, shooting her younger cousin a truly withering look, and Remus was impressed (and if not secretly a little bit pleased) to see a flicker of fear dart across Draco Malfoy's face, the smug grin wiped clean off his face like Stinksap.

Something had happened between Tonks and Draco to cause the young man to regard his older cousin with such skittishness, though he did not have the time to dwell on it as he met Tonks' eyes and the young woman silently shook her head.

_Later_ , she mouthed. For a moment, he was briefly tempted to order his partner up here. He was itching to learn what Nymphadora Tonks feared the most but knew it would be highly inappropriate to push her and it would defeat the purpose of his lesson. And then, an idea came to him.

A student often overlooked and one who sorely needed a confidence boost, judging, by the way, Neville Longbottom's shoulders were hunched in, as though Frank and Alice's boy were attempting to retreat inside of himself now, wishing that the hardwood floor beneath their shoes would open up and swallow him whole and well away from the wardrobe that terrified him.

"Neville," he called out jovially. "Would you join me, please?" The wardrobe shook again, though nowhere near as much as Frank and Alice Longbottom's son, who shuffled forward inch by inch, his face drained of colors, as though he were heading for the gallows. "Right, then, Neville," he said, the heat creeping to his cheeks as he swore Tonks shot him an affectionate warm smile.

Merlin's Beard, but she was so lovely and— _no_! _Don't do this_. Lupin resisted the urge to growl in frustration as he shook his head to clear his mind of thoughts of the young witch, forcing himself to return his scattered attention towards Neville, who was shaking, badly, from fear and the anticipation of not knowing what to expect when the boggart would appear. His heartstrings pricked, full of pity for Alice's son.

He had promised his other best friend back when the two were still lucid and cognizant before Crouch had gotten to Frank and Alice, that should anything happen to their son, he would, if he could, help Neville wherever he could. He aimed to try to make a difference in their son's life today by helping him to conquer one of his fears and hoped that, in their own way, Alice and Frank were aware of it, somehow.

"First things first." Remus clasped his hands together and folded them behind his back. "What would you say frightens you the most?" Lupin watched, intrigued, as Neville almost mutely moved his lips, but only a strangled, breathy attempt at speech came forth. "I'm afraid we didn't catch that, Neville, sorry," he responded in what he hoped was a cheerful tone, shoving his hands in his pockets.

Neville glanced to the left and right wildly, as though begging someone to help him, and Lupin couldn't prove it, though he swore he looked back over his shoulder towards Nymphadora Tonks for help.

She shot him a sympathetic smile and gave a tiny wave, motioning with her hand to go forward towards Remus, as if to say, " _Go on, it's going to be okay_." He shot her a grateful look with his eyes, hoping to try to find a way to thank his partner later for it.

Frank and Alice Longbottom's son gave a curt nod towards Tonks before turning his head back around to regard Professor Lupin, an incredulous look of disbelief and fear etched on his face.

"Professor Snape," Neville said in a voice barely above a whisper.

The entire class erupted into laughter, and it was more than enough for Neville to elicit an apologetic grin of his own, though Lupin noticed Tonks shoot the thirteen-year-old Gryffindor a pained look, and as Remus met his partner's gaze, he wished he were a Legilimens, so the two of them could indulge in a private conversation.

His heartstrings tugged out of pity for the poor boy. To be scared of a Hogwarts Professor, one entrusted to educate you and mold you into a promising young adult was _not_ a good sign. And yet, despite the fact that Neville Longbottom faced his greatest fear on a daily basis for the entirety of a whole school year was an impressive feat in it of its own accord, and Remus was hardly aware as a small, thoughtful smile was forming on his scarred face.

A small, dark chuckle escaped his lips as a faraway look overcame his features before Lupin could stop himself.

"Professor Snape. Yes. He frightens all."

Tonks was the only one in the class not laughing, as he risked a glance at his partner, the heat in his chest spreading throughout his entire body, warming him, just like wildfire.

But Merlin, how he wished he were a natural-born Legilimens, just for a moment, to dip into her mind, read her thoughts, wanting to satisfy his curiosity as to what she was thinking, what was going through her intelligent and keen mind.

Lupin furrowed his brows in a frown as he shifted to the front again, reluctantly tearing his gaze away from the pink-haired witch to address the rest of his third-year-class.

"The incantation alone to repel a boggart is not enough. What truly finishes a boggart is _laughter_. You must force it to find the shape of something that you find truly amusing. I would like for all of you to take a moment now to yourselves to think of the thing in this world that scares you the very most, and imagine how you might force it to look comical…"

He turned towards Neville, whose face was scrunched up in an expression of what Remus could only describe as intense concentration. He chuckled to himself and caught Tonks's curious gaze, noticing the witch had slid off the edge of the desk, the goblet of still-smoking Wolfsbane clutched in her hand, a curious expression aglint in her pale gray eyes.

Lupin shot her a furtive wink before deciding to assist Neville with this part of the demonstration.

"Allow Neville here to demonstrate how this task is done. Mr. Longbottom, I believe you live with your grandmother?" he questioned, knowing full well the boy lived with Augusta.

He remembered Frank's mother quite well, and had sat next to her the day of Frank and Alice's wedding and had indulged in a few glasses of red elvish-made wine with her, and had been surprised to learn the aging witch could drink a man of then twenty-four years under the table and it had taken James and Sirius both to Apparate alongside him and escort him home, much to Frank and Alice's amusement.

He'd paid for it dearly the next day with a hell of a hangover and had been the sickest he had ever been in his life, but he wouldn't trade those memories for anything. A pang tugged at his heartstrings as he forced his mind to shove aside thoughts of dear, sweet Alice, his best friend alongside James and Sirius, and her husband, Frank.

"Y-yes," Neville murmured, a pink blush speckling along his cheeks. "But I don't want that boggart to turn into either," he confessed, which earned a collective laugh from the class, and his blush deepened, though he smiled weakly.

"No," agreed Remus, amused at Neville's thinking that it would. He chuckled. "It _won't_ ," he murmured, risking a glance back over his shoulder as the wardrobe gave a rattle.

An idea began to take root in his mind, a truly horrible, _terrible_ idea, and he fought back the urge to smile, feeling like he was failing as he thought of a way to transform Neville's boggart of Professor Snape into something comical.

"When I open that wardrobe, Neville, here is what I want you to do. You don't need to do anything other than picture what I am about to tell you very clearly in your mind," he commanded, hardening his voice slightly as he moved to stand towards Neville, having to sidestep a nearby Ravenclaw in the process. "Excuse me," he murmured in a polite tone as he leaned towards Neville and whispered his next instructions into the shell of Neville Longbottom's ear, keeping his voice low enough so as to not spoil the surprise for Neville's classmates.

He suddenly felt an inexplicable pang of sadness and regret in his chest, and for a brief moment, he wished James and Sirius and Peter were here to see Severus, even in boggart form, in witch's clothes, to see him now as a Hogwarts Professor.

Remus was unable to keep the slight smirk from tugging at the corners of his lips as he envisioned the perfect comedic form for Neville Longbottom's boggart in his mind.

"I want you to imagine Professor Snape in your grandmother's clothes. Can you do that?" Lupin grinned, pulling away, smiling softly at the odd little noise that sounded like a mix between a whimper and a snort Neville made at the back of his throat, as Neville quickly nodded yes. Remus gave a curt nod of his head to signal that he understood and waved his wand. "Wand at the ready, Neville. Be brave," he murmured in a low voice. "Show us what you see," Lupin whispered, wishing that, for a moment, Tonks would show him what she feared the very most.

Neville shakily raised his wand to the boggart Snape's chest as it staggered and stumbled out of the open wardrobe.

"R— _Riddikulus_!" he shouted, and there was a noise like a whip cracking as 'Professor Snape' stumbled and pitched forward, and suddenly, he was wearing a long, lace-trimmed dark forest green dress, and a towering hap topped with a horrible moth-eaten vulture, and he was swinging a huge red crimson handbag.

There was a roar of laughter from the class. Remus grinned and did not bother to stifle his own laughter as he let it flow, and even Tonks, though she was attempting to hide it by clamping a hand over her mouth and turning away, seemed to be fighting back the urge to smile.

She met his gaze as she slowly turned at the waist, as the boggart paused, confused at the sound of the laughter now resonating through the walls of his classroom. Lupin shot her a kind smile, wishing desperately he could continue to stare at the celestial-like creature at the back of his classroom, but he had a lesson to finish.

"Wonderful, Neville! Excellent work! Ten points to Gryffindor. Okay, to the back, Neville! Will everyone please form a line? Parvati! Forward!"

Another crack rent the air, and in Boggart Snape's place was a mummy, and eventually, the students formed a line once Parvati followed Neville's lead and caused her boggart's form's bandages to unravel until there was nothing left but dust. Though problems arose when it was Potter's turn.

Remus froze as Harry Potter stared almost curiously at the boggart's form through the lenses of his glasses, and he felt a surge of panic lace through his veins. He guessed, and he would be surprised to learn that he was wrong, that James and Lily's son's boggart would take the shape of their murderer, Lord Voldemort, and if that happened, it would surely incite panic among his students.

Out of the corner of his peripherals, he saw Tonks's posture stiffen and she opened her mouth as if to say something, perhaps she had intended to come forward and deal with the boggart herself as the young Auror made a motion to go around the hoard of students, all eagerly clumped together and waiting to see what the Boy Who Lived, what his boggart was going to be.

Lupin hesitated, torn between his indecision. He did not want to discourage any student from the opportunity to learn in his classroom, and yet, he could not incite a panic right now. _No_. Steeling himself and preparing himself for Potter's disappointment, Remus felt a muscle in his jaw twitch as he caught Nymphadora's gaze once more, and it did not take an intellectual genius like Dumbledore to see she thought the same as he did. Like it or not, Potter couldn't participate.

He exhaled a shaking breath and squeezed his eyes tightly shut, feeling a sheen of sweat start to throng on his brow as he swallowed down hard past a lump in his throat.

This was _it_. Once he stepped in front of Potter's boggart, which was transforming and changing right before his and the rest of the class's eyes, then there was no going back.

Perhaps the entire class would know his secret, and Tonks, though Remus had been intending to tell her after.

Though before he stepped in front of Harry Potter and shielded James and Lily's boy from the boggart, Remus yet again for what had to be the tenth or twelfth time during their lesson, looked towards the back of the room at Dora.

Tonks stood alone, frozen stock still, lips parted open slightly in shock, though a look of concern was etched upon her pretty and pale features as her gaze flitted from Harry to Remus.

It looked as though she too was wanting to help, but had set her face hard, and it was in that moment, that Remus knew Tonks had been contemplating coming up and sparing him. Surely, she _had_ to know. She was an intelligent witch.

She would have recognized his Wolfsbane Potion, having had to have been taught to recognize its smell, the ingredients, would have put together the missing pieces of his grotesque scars, his peaky appearance at the full moon.

Tonks held an expression on her face that, in Remus's mind, looked as though she had cried her tears, suffered her wounds, walked a hard road through life. There was a moment, an unspoken exchange as their eyes locked and held a conversation of her own, and Lupin swore she begged him.

_Don't_ , her eyes seemed to say, and she shook her head. Tonks bit down on her bottom lip and reached up a hand to tuck back a wisp of her dark pink pixie that had fallen out of place and to tuck it back behind her ear where it belonged.

He shot her a look that told her he must.

_I have to do it_.

Lupin itched to see what Nymphadora Tonks's reaction was going to be the moment he stepped foot in front of Harry James Potter, but there was that moment, that brief look of puzzlement on Tonks's face as her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, and that was all the encouragement he needed.

_Here it goes_. Lupin squeezed his eyes shut and blew out a shaking breath as he stepped in front of Harry before Potter could raise his wand and try to force his boggart's shape, a Dementor of all things, which surprised him at the moment, though Remus quickly shook off his stunned shock and forced himself to clear his mind, trying to think of something amusing as the boggart, sensing Lupin's presence since the man had now stepped in front of Harry, twisted and warped itself into the shape of a full moon, a haze of clouds just underneath it.

He flinched, hearing the confused chirpings of the third-year class, though he paid it no mind for now as he steadily raised his wand and shouted, " _Riddikulus_!"

The full moon promptly turned into a glass crystal ball and dropped onto the floor due to the weighted gravity of the shift and shattered into a million pieces. The class had gone silent as Professor Lupin pointed his wand once more, though this time at the wardrobe, and sent the Dark creature back into the shadows of the piece of furniture where it lived.

He heard Harry emanate a tense exhale behind him as the class heaved a collective sigh of disappointment. Remus quelled the dismay that welled within his chest as he turned to address the rest of the class, and for a moment, avoided Tonks's gaze. Suddenly, he was not sure he wanted to look.

"Ah, yes, well, um, sorry about that," he stammered, turning his head to the side to cough once and take another bite of the apple he'd been eating. "If you'd all like to collect your books and head to your next class, that's the end of the lesson." Lupin glanced towards Harry out of the corner of his eye, and sure enough, he faced James and Lily's son, whose head was bowed, though Remus could tell he was dejected.

He faltered in indecision, torn on having the boy wait for a moment to allow himself the opportunity to explain, though his desire to talk further with Tonks won out, in end.

Besides, before he could even make a motion to indicate to Harry that he wished for him to remain behind, the boy collected his things, slung his bag over his shoulder, and turned on his heels as the rest of the class filed out without a word to anyone, not even his best friends, Miss Granger and Mr. Weasley, which Remus thought odd. Quickly, the room cleared out until only he and Tonks remained in the class.

Remus was standing in front of the boggart's wardrobe, the creature within now shaking inside, desperate to be let loose, and yet, he could not bring himself to look her in the eyes. He felt unclean, unworthy of looking at his partner, for he did not deserve a young woman like Tonks by his side.

Though, now that she knew, and this was confirmed by the awkward silence that hung in the air between them as, out of the corner of his peripherals, he witnessed the young witch nervously shift her weight from one foot to the other, skittishly glancing towards the door of his classroom, as though looking for a way out, that there was no doubt in his mind at all now, as Tonks gingerly stepped forward, the goblet of smoking Wolfsbane Potion clutched in her hand.

He cringed, silently accepting the brewed potion as the pink-haired young witch wordlessly held it out to Remus.

She was either going to demand an explanation, for which he would provide one if it would put her mind at ease, or Tonks was going to turn on the heel of her boots and walk right out of his classroom and demand a reassignment and that would be the last Lupin would ever see of Nymphadora.

"How long have you known?" Remus asked Dora, finally unable to stop himself from asking the one question that burned on the tip of his tongue, hearing his voice cracking.

This was it. Everything about their new partnership depended on Tonks's answer. And then, Remus would know.

His stomach churned and twisted uneasily, and he noticed that his hands, which were now out of the pockets of his trousers, were clenched tightly into fists, his nails digging into the skin of his palm. Lupin released his hands but could not figure out what to do with them, so he compromised by lifting the goblet to his lips and taking an enormous swig of the potion that Professor Snape had courteously prepared for him, and it did not matter that it was on Dumbledore's orders. He cringed as the potent mix burned his esophagus going down and continued drinking until it was gone.

A welcome distraction as he didn't want to look at her. How could he, for he'd see the disappointment! Tonks had every right to be angry with him, for he had effectively lied to her by omission by not disclosing the truth.

"It doesn't _matter_ , Remus. I don't _care_ about your...condition. Truly. I _don't_. It's okay," she whispered in a soft, quiet voice that suddenly felt like music to his ears, causing his heart to flutter wildly against his chest at her selfless words.

She—she did not _care_?! Remus blinked hard and fast as his head turned sharply to the right to regard Tonks in stunned silence, his light brown eyes wide and round in awe.

His hand crept its way to his cheek to rest over the fiery blush as Lupin tried (and failed!) to hide his elatedness.

"You are a kind man, Remus, with a good, good heart. A beautiful man. It does not matter that you are a werewolf, not to me. I prefer to judge you by your personality, your heart, not what you are or what you are not. I'm right here where I'm standing, Remus. I'm not anywhere else, and I'm not going anywhere. You don't have to be afraid," Tonks murmured under her breath, echoing the words that he had said to her in the Hospital Wing a few days ago, which shocked Remus. The word 'beautiful' had hardly ever been directed towards him for…obvious reasons.

The nature of his scars. His condition as a whole. But for some strange reason, this woman did not see him as so, and this fact sent his heart hammering in his chest beneath his robes and his suit. Remus was afraid that Dora could hear it, but if she did, Tonks gave no indication at all. He took a hitched breath as he stared at Tonks, whose gaze, for now, remained unwavering as she looked at him and matched his staring with a fiery intensity.

Remus all throughout his life had always been scorned as a creature of darkness, but no matter how long Lupin gazed at Tonks, the blushing young Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor could find not a single strand of distaste or fear of him, what he was, the monster within him, in her pale gray orbs.

The young witch merely turned away and sighed, raising her wand and much to his surprise, as Lupin followed her movements with his eyes, pointed her wand at the wardrobe.

"You showed me _your_ fear, Remus," she whispered in a voice that suddenly sounded much more subdued than before, earlier. The lock of the wardrobe clicked, and the door swung open slowly with a rather horribly loud creak. "Allow me to repay the favor."

Lupin watched, intrigued, as a man stepped forward out of the wardrobe, his pale blue eyes flashing indignantly in anger, a handsome man, a few years younger than he was and certainly more handsome, and the muffled little whine that escaped Tonks's throat before she could stop herself told him everything she needed to know: that she was terrified of him.

When Tonks turned back to look at Remus, he almost wished that she hadn't, for the fear that was mounting within those haunting orbs of hers was almost too much to bear. He wished he had kept her gaze transfixed on the form of her boggart that was now rapidly approaching Tonks, and he was loathed to see tears welling in her eyes as she turned back.

Tonks breathed a shaking breath and lifted her chin, jutting it out slightly to stare into the form of her boggart.

"Now, I show you _mine_."

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**A fun chapter for me to write for sure. However, the next chapter is a bit difficult as it delves into Tonks's psyche surrounding her boggart. This particular character of my own creation and another one that features in a later chapter are favorites of mine and I keep finding ways to sneak them into all my AU's lol.**


	16. Unable to Forget

**Alright everyone, just a fair warning. You're probably going to need some tissues for this one. I think I did fairly well in describing why her boggart is what it is, but please, let me know! Enjoy!**

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**16**

**TONKS** swallowed down hard past the lump in her throat as she looked at the towering form of Ollie Brennan stalking towards her, blue eyes flashing like a panther stalking its prey, and her breaths caught in her throat, and she was painfully aware of Remus watching her boggart's form with confused, furrowed brows, and she dared not allow herself to look into the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor's eyes, though she had no choice the moment he spoke up.

"Tonks?" he murmured, his voice cracking and laced to the brim with concern. "I—I don't…what _is_ this? Your—your boggart, who is this man to you? I've never seen anything quite like this before. Who is he?" he asked, not sure he wanted to look at the burning, smoldering, fathomless rage in the younger, handsome man's bright blue eyes as he glowered at Tonks in silence. Remus bristled where he stood.

Though it was only a boggart and could not physically harm her, it did nothing to ease the rolling knots in his stomach and the urge to jinx this 'man' right where he stood for whatever unspoken horrors he had inflicted upon Nymphadora.

"I—I do not understand," he admitted.

It seemed to take Tonks an eternity to find her voice, and when she did, her voice was so hushed, so faint, that her words were as the wind.

Lupin had to strain his hearing in order to catch Tonks's words.

"The man who ripped my heart out," Tonks spat, hissing her words through gritted teeth, shivering. "He…he made me…get rid of it," she confessed, her voice breaking as her breaths caught in her throat. Lupin wanted nothing more than to rush over and take care of the boggart for her, not wanting his partner to put herself through this.

His concern for his partner escalated to an entirely new level as his mind struggled to process Tonks's words. Made her…get rid of… _Oh_.

Remus felt his face drain of all colors, what little was left in his peaky appearance, to begin with, as he processed what had to happen

Tonks shook the image of the long-ago trauma from her mind, desperate to rid herself of the fleeting, flashing images of her ex-boyfriend, the lover whom she thought she would share in life's joys with, but even Merlin and Fate, that cruel bastard, denied her that.

Her eyes glistening with stifled tears, Tonks slowly lifted her face to Lupin's before a light pink blush speckled along her cheeks.

She appeared unharmed, but it was hard to tell with her face pained and contorted tightly shut as she turned away, refusing to meet his gaze. His concern for his partner melted away to something quieter and sadder. "Dora?" Tonks raised her head at the sound of Lupin's soft voice, and as she turned her head to look at him, the expression on her face, pale, drained of colors, almost physically hurt his own heart.

Remus forced himself to approach Nymphadora calmly. The last thing he wanted to do was startle her when the young witch was in such a state, thinking he had not yet seen his partner lose composure.

Her gray eyes were red and glassy, tears streaming down her cheeks. Lupin cautiously eased himself to stand next to her before placing a gentle hand on her shoulder, trying as hard as he could to maintain a respectful distance from his partner, but wanting to comfort her in whatever way that he possibly could provide for her right now.

"What happened? Will you tell me?" he asked eventually, his voice hushed, hoping, silently praying to Merlin or anyone else up there who would listen to him that he was not overstepping his boundaries as Tonks's partner by asking her to divulge a memory that would cause her pain.

As he watched Tonks struggle to reign in her grief, Professor Lupin admittedly found nothing to say in response.

No parent should have to bury their child. He racked his brain in silence but was entirely too distracted. All he understood was that someone who he was growing to care for was falling to pieces in front of him and that he felt utterly powerless and at a loss for how he could possibly help Dora.

"H—he made me…h—his name was Ollie," Tonks began in a hushed whisper as her face crumpled. "I—I can't lie to you anymore, Remus. I don't want you to suffer any more on my account. I thought once, he and I…I—I was pregnant and he…he didn't…" she said, her voice trailing off as it cracked and broke, rendering her utterly silent.

Hesitantly, Remus moved closer to the young witch and wrapped his arms around the woman's violently trembling form. Tonks immediately turned and buried her face in his chest, his sweater damp with her salty tears as he patted her soothingly on the back, rubbing small circles into her spine, where she let herself cry with no restraint.

Remus tried to understand what was said as his gaze wandered instinctively towards Tonks's boggart, at the shell of a man glowering at Tonks with fathomless pale blue orbs which held no love for Tonks.

Only hatred. The Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor stifled a low growl of frustration that caused his chest to vibrate as he caught the boggart's gaze, the causation of his partner's current distress, loathed to see her shed tears, and it once more shifted to the full moon.

He let out a tired, exasperated sigh and waved his wand, sending the boggart back into the wardrobe where it belonged, only tearing his gaze away from it once he heard the satisfying sound of the wardrobe's lock clicking into place.

"It's only a boggart, Tonks. It—he cannot hurt you anymore." _I won't let it or him_ , is what he wanted to say, but he didn't. Several dozens of questions flitted through his mind, though he dared not give his queries a voice, as much as they burned for answers.

He wanted to know of this man's past relationship with Tonks, and what kind of man would have the gall to demand she gives up a child.

Burning rage coursed through his veins, sending a fiery heat spiraling all throughout his body, and his hands shook with the effort to restrain himself from lashing out against something in anger, in this case, the closest thing within his reach was Tonks, and the last thing he wanted was to hurt her.

All he could do was hold Tonks quietly and allow the waves of sadness and remorse for whatever that man had forced her to do to pass through her body.

Absentmindedly, he whispered soothing remarks into the shell of her ear and rubbed circles into her back until her body ceased to shudder with sobs, and he heard her sniffles cease to exist.

"I want to talk to you. I—it's only fair that I showed you mine, Remus. Your boggart is the full moon. You fear the one thing that reminds you of your condition," she whispered, still stifling back a half-choked, pitiful, mewling sob as she wiped at her nose with the back of her shirt's sleeve. "I only hope you can find it within yourself to forgive me for not being more honest with you sooner, Professor, but I—I couldn't tell you, I—I wanted to wait for the right time. The story behind my boggart's form is…not pleasant, and not one that I thought your students should be privy to, I—I couldn't demonstrate it."

There was a beat. A pause as Tonks stopped to draw in a breath.

"Do you think we could talk? There is no point in keeping it from you, now that you've seen it," Tonks asked, sounding on the verge of more tears.

He wanted that more than anything, and there was still the unspoken tension that hung between the two of them, as the pair had not finished their discussion in the Hospital Wing regarding her wandering off alone without him in search of Sirius Black, though he had been pondering over the last few days when would be appropriate to finish that discussion.

Though as he looked at the heartache in Dora's pale gray eyes, he sensed that now, was not that time, and made a mental note to shelf the conversation for another time when she was not lost in the throes of painful memories she'd sooner rather forget.

More questions in Remus's mind arose at her words, and not without a measure of anxiety. Lupin forced himself to push them away and reminded himself to be patient as he thought of Professor McGonagall's words as he heard her aging voice inside his mind.

_Be patient with the girl. She will come to you when she's ready_.

It seemed then, to him, that that time was now. Tonks had said she wanted to talk, to tell him the story behind her boggart's unusual form, and so he would honor her request.

Remus nodded mutely, glancing around his classroom, and pulling up two spare chairs to sit by the window, that way Tonks could gaze out at the Hogwarts Grounds if she were not comfortable meeting his gaze at any given point in time.

Tonks tried to speak, but her throat had hollowed and constricted, closing in on itself. She moved her mouth soundlessly, searching for words of denial, that she wanted to denounce Oliver James Brennan, that witless worm, from existence and purge the memory of him from her mind, to stow it away in Professor Dumbledore's Pensieve that she knew the aging Hogwarts Headmaster hid in his office and keep it there, to never revisit it again.

But she found none. Instead, Professor Lupin's pitying gaze broke through the fragile walls of her heart that she had built around herself, dashing her hopes and exposing her truth.

That Ollie had _never_ loved her, and he had crushed her heart and as good as turned into the warlock from _The Warlock's Hairy Heart_ in her copy of _Tales of Beedle the Bard_ and ripped her heart from her chest with his own bare hands when he had ordered her to rid herself of his baby and had so cruelly broken up with her underneath the shade of the willow. Tonks's vision blurred, an invisible vice around her chest tightening to squeeze, until it felt like she could no longer breathe.

The young Auror was hardly aware of Lupin's slightly rough, calloused hand coming to rest on her shoulder, and slowly steering her numb, unresponsive body towards the chair he had pulled up for her to sit in, gently but firmly pressing down on her shoulder until he had coaxed Tonks to take a seat.

She imagined Ollie, glaring at her with that same ice-cold countenance that had crushed her heart that day, and a vent of anger and adrenaline surged through her veins as her teeth gnashed together in anger.

Tonks was of half a mind to open up that wardrobe and between her and Remus, the two of them could confuse it enough where it could not frighten two people at once, and it would explode.

She had seen it happen twice before, and though it was not a pretty sight at all, not to mention the mess that ensued, it was surely better than allowing these series of memoirs to roll through her head.

Tears blinded her vision, stinging and blurring the edges of her little line of sight, what was left of it, that is, as she swallowed down hard past the lump in her throat and ducked her head, allowing a lock of wavy maroon hair to fall in front of her face like a curtain, suddenly not wishing for her partner to see her as she was at present: a mess.

After a moment, Lupin drew away from Tonks to situate himself better in his own chair, ignoring the rattling of the wardrobe in front of him, though Tonks gave no indication to him she was bothered by it.

She looked over at the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor with hollow, listless, sad eyes, her tears now utterly spent.

A stray strand of her chin-length hair was stuck to her cheek, and before Remus could stop himself doing it, he leaned over and brushed it away with careful tenderness. Tonks gave Lupin a weak smile in thanks, though it did not reach her pale gray eyes, and in his mind, it looked strained and more like a grimace.

"Here," he muttered, waving his wand, conjuring a chipped coffee mug full to the brim with hot tea. "Chamomile. I—I was hoping for Earl Grey, but I'm afraid it's all I have," he said apologetically, trying to apologize to her with his eyes.

"Thank you," Tonks replied in a low voice, and fell silent as she glanced down into her mug of piping hot tea, nursing her drink, and struggling to gather her thoughts. The fact that she was, at a minimum, willing to share in the story behind the unusual nature of her boggart's form was a start. Seeing her pain, Lupin stirred in his seat.

He moved his chair closer towards Tonks, wanting to ease the hurt the young witch was feeling. It was his Merlin-given right as her partner, that he would watch her back and she would be there for him.

She did not see his movement as she gazed pensively away from Remus and out the window towards the grounds of the castle's estate.

"I…I don't know where to begin, Remus," Tonks confessed eventually after a heavy, uncomfortable silence that felt suffocating as it lingered in the air between them. She spoke into her mug of tea, her downcast eyes brimming with anger, embarrassment, and heartbreak.

Lupin reached over and, without even having to think on it, took hold of Tonks's hand in hers, her free hand not curled around her mug of tea, and gave it a light, but reassuring squeeze. "Start from wherever you want," he told her, hoping that his words would be of some solace.

And so, Tonks started at the beginning. The young witch squeezed her eyes shut, forcing herself to relive the last time she had spoken with Ollie underneath the willow tree, where he had forced her into the one thing she hoped she'd never wanted to go through again, unable to stop the memoir rolling in her mind, no matter how hard she tried.

She couldn't…

* * *

"You've done this before, T, it shouldn't be a problem. Just ask my grandmother for one of those vials, and it can be done in an hour," the handsome dark-haired Auror in training barked at his girlfriend as she sat hesitantly underneath the shade of a willow tree, its tendrils swaying softly in the spring breeze.

Ollie Brennan's grandmother had extensive knowledge in herbs and plants, and he knew their little 'problem' could be rectified right away, so why did she put up a fuss?

Many witches who were not ready for the burden of motherhood in his grandmother's neighborhood went to Baba for abortifacients, even Tonks herself, just once before, had done so in secret, and even to this day, she did not know that he knew.

But Ollie did, being a Legilimens, and had a frequent habit of dipping into her mind when she thought he wasn't paying attention to her. But he always was.

Tonks ducked her head, allowing a tendril of her wavy hair to fall in front of her face like a curtain, effectively shielding her facial expression from her boyfriend's line of sight, her knees drawn up to her chest. She tried to tamper down the tears crystallizing in her lids, but her voice cracked and betrayed her sadness.

"I'm _pregnant_ , Ollie. A few weeks. Why can't I keep it? I—I _want_ this baby, Brennan. You _know_ that I do. _You're_ the father," she hissed, emphasizing it through clenched teeth, her voice barely above a whisper as she looked at Ollie.

Tonks, throughout a few years now that she had dated Jack Brennan's only son, had tried so hard to be useful and make him see that she was a valuable part of Ollie's life, and why didn't he give a damn about her?

She swallowed her pride and didn't refuse the man whenever he would get in a particular mood, no longer bothering to spurn his advances, though her drive, admittedly, was much lower.

That was how this whole mess came into being, that night where Tonks had invited Ollie over to her flat for one of her favorite activities: Muggle movie night, and one thing had led to another.

She was pregnant, she was absolutely sure of it, judging by the way she had been feeling physically nauseous the last several days.

Tonks had been happy this morning, that she was going to have a baby, but now, as she relayed to Ollie her news, he was so dismissive and cold to the very concept of becoming a father at the age of twenty-five (he was a few years younger than she was) and did not want her.

But according to the Auror-in-training due to graduate from the program in another six months, it was the absolute _worst_ time to have a baby straggling along, or at least, that's what Ollie had told Tonks.

"Our relationship can't continue like this, Dora. _I_ can't," he said, at last, turning away from Tonks and pointedly refusing to meet her gaze.

She felt her blood turn to ice in her veins, and her heart plummet to the pit of her churning stomach. He…he was breaking up with her?!

" _What_?" Tonks demanded, hardly daring to believe what he was saying. "What _is_ this, Ollie?" she asked, her voice coming as a breathy little squeak. Tonks felt her facial muscles tense and harden as she knew exactly what this was. "It's _her_ , isn't it? Norah. You love her."

Tonks could not move. Could not think. She could not do anything except stare at the man who had betrayed her, cut out her own heart.

Visions of scarlet red danced in front of her line of sight as she imagined dozens of ways to ruin Ollie Brennan's life, each one crueler than the last scenario. Ollie's gaze hardened as his eyes remained fixated on Tonks, whose eyes were brimming with unshed, salty tears.

His expression softened slightly. "It is what's for the best. I'll even help you. I can provide you with enough Galleons if that's what you want, enough to live a comfortable life somewhere here in London, T."

_Without you_ , is what she wanted to say, but she couldn't speak.

Tonks blinked back her tears and swallowed past the lump in her throat.

"No!" Her voice cracked and wavered, as did her newfound resolve. Tonks felt her hands ball into fists. "I won't leave, Ollie. _Why_?"

Just a single question and yet the weighted gravity of the question was enough to cause the handsome former Slytherin's head to whiplash sharply upward to regard Tonks so fast that Nymphadora had to move her head back in order to avoid connecting with his.

" _What_?" he growled, his jaw clenching and blue eyes darkening in a sense of anger. He stiffened and let out a tired sigh as he fixed his about-to-be ex-girlfriend with a pointed glower that would have wilted a bloomed rose. "I think you need to _go_ , T, before you make things even worse."

Tonks bristled, her nails digging into the skin of her palms. "Ollie, _please_ don't do this," she begged, biting her lip and blinking back tears.

But Ollie cut her off, not giving Tonks a chance to finish her plea.

" _Leave_!" he shouted, and Tonks could not help but flinch at the hurt in Ollie's voice, the tension in his shoulders mounting the longer the two of them stood underneath the shade of the willow tree talking. "I told you to _leave_ , so get out of here! You're a half-blood, Tonks! Norah, she—she's a pureblood and according to Father, she's fit to bear my children and you are _not_. I—I can't have a _baby_ with a _half-breed_!" he growled venomously through gritted teeth, though Tonks sensed the antagonizing hurt laced throughout Ollie's quiet, reserved tones.

Humiliated, Tonks felt hot tears welling in her lids, stinging, and blurring her vision. "Y—Norah is just jealous because the two of you can never have a bond like you and I have. _Had_ ," she corrected herself.

But Ollie did not look at Tonks. His gaze remained fixated out at the lake at his backyard, and when he did finally speak to Dora, his voice was listless and devoid of warmth that she thought had once been reserved for her and her alone.

" _Go_ , Tonks. I will support you financially in whatever way that I can to help you…take care of this. If you stay with me, T, it won't end well for you. Father would never let me marry a half-blood," he snarled, hissing his words through clenched teeth and rooted jaw. "Don't be a blind and bloody _fool_ , Tonks. Our… _friendship_ , can no longer continue as it was. I'm marrying Norah, and I made a promise to her to uphold my promise to her. I—I have to do right by her. By any children that Jameson and I might have, T. _Go_. Right now, and please don't make me say it again. Before you get hurt."

His last words were bitter and spat more than spoken. Tonks blinked back salty tears as she struggled to force air to return to her lungs. The moment that she realized she had misinterpreted her lion's actions, his words, his expressions for so many weeks, as if he had been speaking Russian or some other language she couldn't understand, the moment her words failed her was the moment her heart broke.

She felt…hollow. When she cried, there was a rawness to it, her pain an open wound. Her cries were stifled at first as she attempted to conceal her grief, weeks of buildup from abuse from Ollie that she had tried over and over to deny were taking place, that things would change, and then overcome by waves of emotions that she had no control over, so she broke completely, her spirit shattered entirely in the span of a second, all her defenses she'd spent years building washed away in her tears.

As she turned to face Ollie, he was shocked to see her face was the absolute picture of devastation, loss, and grief. Hers was the face of someone who had suffered before and didn't know if she could do it again.

Her life crumbled in her fingertips as she buried her face in her hands, not wanting to look at him and see the pained look in his eyes as he remained silent, not knowing what to say to make her feel better, to apologize for the mess of their partnership he'd made.

Tonks felt her brain pick up her feet in an unbalanced gait, carelessly dropping her feet to the ground with each harrowing step as she strode towards the exit in the same direction that Sansa Stark was heading for. Her stomach felt full of stones, and the thick acid of her stomach layering coated at the back of her throat, and she thought she might vomit. Ollie had finally finished with her.

And she was helpless to do anything about it. Still, something about the forlorn look in the man's eyes prompted Tonks to ask one final question of her boyfriend, the most brutally cutting thing she could think of to tear this betrayer down with.

_Her_ name. "Do you think that Norah could ever grow to love you?" Tonks growled, biting her bottom lip until she felt the blood coat her tongue and the edges of her teeth. "Hmm? You are lying to yourself if you think this to be true. _She will never love you_. Not like I did. Not like I _do_."

Tonks growled her words through clenched teeth and rooted jaw, her fists clenching and un-clenching at her sides as she allowed them to hang limply, not really sure what to do with her hands. Tonks folded her arms across her chest and watched, feeling a sickening feeling of immense satisfaction as Ollie startled and his face flushed red in anger.

He clearly had not been anticipating her final question and it had thrown the man off guard. "Just get out. _Leave_. And don't come back."

His voice cracked, wavering as he blinked rapidly and looked away. Tonks sneered, masking her hurt with that look of impassiveness she'd learned to master over the years. But here it was. Here she was.

Tonks was yesterday's news and Norah Jameson was now his world. All the while she was forced to smile and make small talk. The hatred she felt for Oliver Brennan and what he'd done to her didn't ebb.

It multiplied.

* * *

Several hours later, she was curled up in the bathroom bathtub of her own loo in her flat in downtown London, the curtains drawn, shrouding her in complete and utter darkness, hating herself and her abilities. It had been her Metamorphmagus abilities that had drawn Ollie to her in the first place.

The former Slytherin had been captivated by them. By _her_. Though, now, all she had was the urge to hurt herself, to destroy the natural prettiness that she possessed that in actuality, possessed her. She was a slave to her own feminine loveliness, even without the use of her powers.

Her nature was one of happiness and vibrancy, humorous, compassionate, and loyal to a fault, but every so often, she sank into a melancholy, with dark thoughts swirling like a torpid whirl around inside her head, some insulting her, others suggesting she hurt herself in a truly terrible way, just…cut away the pain inch by inch until there was nothing left. These intrusive thoughts were persistent, nagging, and dangerously attractive to Tonks, but Tonks always managed to re-emerge victorious, leaving them all behind her.

Hurting made the fog disperse and jolted the Auror-in-training back to the unpleasant reality of her situation, and reminded her to be mindful of her station, her place in this life. That Ollie loved another.

A someone that was not _her_. But Merlin's Beard, it ached. She knew she wanted a baby of her own one day, a child to call her Mum, wishing more than anything that she would be granted that someday. A baby of her own, one she could love and care for, one that would make her feel like she was actually worthwhile, that she wasn't a horrible witch because of her choices, that both her parents blatantly disapproved of.

She began to cry softly, her shoulders shuddering, and her breaths ragged. How much Ollie had _taken_ from her, she'd _never_ get back.

Pains tore through her stomach, courtesy of the vial of whatever potent potion mix Ollie's grandmother Baba had given her when she had left Ollie's neighborhood for the very last time, tears in her gray eyes.

The burning sensation that ripped her apart from the inside out was intense, worse than a Splinched arm or anything she had ever felt in her life as her entire lower half began to tense and cramp as the blood rushed out of her, her uterus contracting and clenching, expelling what would have been her and Ollie's child if he would have stayed with her.

Tonks cried, begging for release from this pain, but she knew it would not happen. This was a punishment, the pain she had to endure for taking an innocent life that she desperately wanted, for killing it with Baba's bitter potion laced with pennyroyal and Merlin knew what else.

In the midst of her own personal Hell, the young witch began to hallucinate, a blinding white light glaring into her eyes, an image of a laughing child dancing its way across her vision. Such a pure sight.

It was a little girl, with large, almond-shaped gray eyes, just like her own, a thick head of black hair like her father, like Ollie's. Her daughter's chubby little hands were reaching up to Dora, asking to be held and comforted, but this beautiful image of her child began to distort, the child itself beginning to turn, a shapeshifter, a Metamorphmagus like her, though it transformed into a hideously malformed, ruined wretch, screeching at Tonks, clawing at her, at itself in a sense of utter malice.

The apparition of what would have been her daughter melted into a stain on the porcelain floor of her bathtub, a large, slimy slug-looking creature the color of blood, though she knew it was just a vision that her mind had conceded to in order to ease the pain of what she was doing.

As a mother, there would have been more to Tonks than what was seen, even beyond the surface of her Metamorphmagus abilities, not that she really used them except to change the color of her hair depending on her given mood. She preferred her other features the same, hoping that one day, someone would love her, just as she was.

The love and compassion Tonks would have been able to provide this child would have finally had an outlet…if Ollie hadn't dumped her.

She did not want to bring a child into this world who would never grow up knowing their father, and this was the child who, thanks to Ollie's cold-hearted cruelty, the way he had so coldly dismissed her, would never be, the one who in its early stages of life, trickled out of the witch's body and onto the thick woolen blanket she'd spread out into the tub in order to protect it from the filth of what she'd just done to herself.

" _I'm sorry_ …" she whispered, her voice cracking through her tears as she squeezed her eyes shut, not able to look at it any longer.

_I love you_.

* * *

**A difficult chapter, indeed! But hopefully, in the next chapter, Remus can understand and can find a way to continue their conversation that remains unsaid from the Hospital Wing, in addition to offering some small words of comfort, though it won't be easy for them as certain parties, shall we say, may or may not be listening in to their conversation...**

**Stay tuned for more!**


	17. The Unpleasant Truth

**17**

**A** burning rage hit Lupin so hard as Tonks recollected the story behind her boggart's form that it took him a moment to realize that it was rage at what that man, Ollie, had done to _his_ new partner. She kept her eyes closed, as if just recanting an event she'd sooner rather forget was too disturbing a reality to face, but here, it was, out in the open.

By the time Tonks was done with her story, she was utterly shaking. "I can understand if you will not forgive me, Remus," Tonks murmured in a low voice, her voice steady and calm, but her pale gray orbs shimmering with a fresh bout of briny tears. She stared at an empty space on the floor but did not relinquish his hand from hers.

For which Remus was grateful. When he had been holding her hand, he basked in the warmth the skin of her palm gave against his.

A searing, fiery heat pulsated its way through his scarred, wretched body , and in Tonks's hand, he felt strangely apathetic to all the hurt that had been plaguing him all throughout his adult life as a werewolf afflicted with what James used to call, his 'furry little problem."

Sensing her pain and seeing it for himself with his own wolfish sight, Lupin instinctively moved closer to Tonks, wanting to ease the pain she felt, somehow, in some way, whatever way that might be.

She stiffened, though did not protest as he took her hand in his and squeezed it. Remus could see how talking about her boggart was upsetting her, paining her so bad that the poor woman couldn't speak.

"I kept that part of my past a secret because it is…painful for me to speak of, and there's something, else. I…I don't know how else to say it, b-but…Sirius Black, he's my cousin," she whispered, confessing the truth to him at last like a dirty secret that she was ashamed of. "I know it was a mistake not to say it to you from the start, and…I'm sorry, Remus."

As Tonks drew in a few shaky breaths, Lupin turned over the nature of her confession at long last in his mind, hating that it had taken his partner re-living a tragedy for the truth about Sirius to finally come to his attention, but at least, she seemed to trust him enough to talk to him. It made sense now. Her nervousness whenever the topic of his old friend was brought up, why she reacted so badly to any slight against herself or people in her life that she seemed to care for, like…

_Like me_? He thought, though quickly brushed that inappropriate thought aside, and forced himself to think instead of Neville Longbottom as a necessary distraction, thinking how Tonks had helped him today. He did not know what had happened to the third-year Gryffindor boy to cause Tonks to have to personally escort him to class today, but whatever unspoken event had transpired between the two of them, there had been a silent look exchanged between Longbottom and Tonks that he could tell had affected Frank and Alice's son immensely.

It was enough for him. It would have been easy to be angry with Tonks, he knew this. Even with the knowledge from Dumbledore and Snape regarding her familial ties to Sirius, Tonks had, after all, lied by omission to him. But Remus could not manage to summon the strength within himself right now to work up the emotion. Not after the way she had openly poured her heart and soul to him, looking for a sympathetic ear. And there was the simple fact that Tonks was also very apologetic.

The young Defense Against the Dark Arts could only pity Tonks's fate and curse Mr. Brennan who had ruined her life and shattered her heart into a million untold number of fragments, never to be made whole again, if judging by the look of pain in her eyes was anything for Remus to go off of, and he knew that what she needed right now, more than anything else, was comfort.

When Dora picked her gaze up to gauge what Remus's reaction would be to the story she had just shared, there was an aching, terrible vulnerability in her pale gray orbs that made Lupin ache with a fierce protectiveness, the likes of which he had never quite felt before, and he could not place it, much less understand.

Tonks needed something from him right now— _anything_ , really—to indicate to her that he understood her methods for staying quiet.

She was not seeking his forgiveness, merely, his empathy. And Lupin was able to emphasize with her more than she could fathom.

After a moment, he let out a tired sigh and looked away from the young witch for a split second in order to collect his thoughts before turning back to look at her. "You'll have to forgive me too. There's something that I have to tell you, that I should have told you sooner."

Just as Tonks had painted him a somewhat gruesome picture of what she had left behind, what she had given up in order to accept this position as an Auror for Hogwarts to apprehend Sirius, Remus did the same for Nymphadora.

He told her of his parents, Lyall and Hope Lupin, who desperately tried to save their only son from the savage attack of a monster who his father had wronged. Remus was only five years old when fully-fledged werewolf Fenrir Greyback climbed into his bedroom and transformed, attacking the boy. His parents rushed in just in time to fend off the worst of the wolf's attack and save their son's life, but at a great personal cost. Their only son was a werewolf.

By the time Remus was finished, Tonks was holding both his hands, squeezing them as if she were afraid he would suddenly let go and vanish. Her lips were parted open slightly in shock, and her gray eyes wide with incredulity, despite the tear tracts down her cheeks.

"You are a good man, Remus. Your condition is _not_ your fault. I don't blame you for not knowing how to tell me the truth, and I hope you can forgive me for the same. I—I just…ever since I found out that you and Sirius Black were friends, I thought…if you know the truth about me, that you wouldn't want to be my partner, and…well I—I wouldn't blame you for wanting to leave me. Everybody always does," Tonks whispered reverently.

She touched his cheek, which sent a tremor of something down his spine as Lupin brought his gaze back down to Tonks.

"If I had known, I wouldn't have hesitated to tell you the truth about Sirius, and I…" her voice cracked and trailed off as she swallowed down hard past the lump in her throat. "I should have had more faith to say that I trusted you with the truth. I am sorry, Remus."

He did not know what to say except, "I'm sorry, Tonks." Understanding Tonks's growing discomfort as the young witch pointedly looking away, wishing to hide the embarrassment on her face, Lupin laid his hand gently on Tonks's forearm. He wanted nothing more than to tell her that he hated the beast that dared to once call herself her lover, that man who'd forced her to endure such torment.

No parent should ever have to bury their child. Remus wanted to tell her that if she would have him, then he would protect her from harm. "I'm sorry he did that to you," was all he said quietly to Tonks.

Her breath was coming shallow and she gasped as she spoke up, shattering the uncomfortable silence that lingered between them both.

"I had everything that I owned of Ollie's burned after that," she confessed in a whisper. Tonks's face hardened after a moment as she looked at him. "But I don't hesitate when everything is on the line. Not anymore. I…if I were to see him again, I—I don't think that I would forgive him, Lupin. I can't say that I wouldn't try to hex him again if I met him."

Her fists, which had been resting idly in her lap, clenched into a fist over the handle of her wand, though Tonks's hands seemed to relax the moment Remus's hand settled overtop her free hand.

"I've seen you fight," Remus spoke up, unable to keep the small note of pride from seeping its way unbidden to the surface of his voice, remembering how brave Tonks had been going up against that wild hippogriff of Hagrid's with no backup. "You fight better than anyone I think I've ever known. Better than most. I hope you realize just how fortunate you are, Dora. Not many fully grown adults could take on an aggressive hippogriff as you did the other day and live to tell about it. You were lucky you were not killed," he reassured her, his light brown eyes darkening slightly as they glinted with pride and a flicker of something else that Tonks could not quite place at first, believing it to be worry intermingled with anger at what she had done, and Tonks cringed.

She wondered if he were still thinking of the reckless way that she had behaved the other night by leaving the Hospital Wing to go after Sirius before he could vanish, and he had still managed to do just that.

Though she had no time to mull over this as he continued.

"As your partner, I think I would be well within my rights to say that I would be honored to fight alongside you, Dora, any day, and any time," he said. "I hope that one day, you grant me that honor, Nymphadora. I don't blame you for keeping what happened to you a secret, Dora."

The witch shook her head, a single stray tear running its way down her cheek. She did not seem upset anymore, but strangely touched, moved by his kind words intended to give her comfort.

"You…you don't…hate me, Remus, do you?" she asked, her voice coming out as a hoarse sounding croak as Tonks dared to scoot her chair that much closed, with one hand splayed out by his right knee.

His partner's close proximity made Remus's heart thunder relentlessly against the confines of his chest, so damned audibly loud that he was surprised Tonks couldn't hear it, but if she did, then she was quite good at hiding it. "No!" Lupin let his hand fall over hers. "No, not at all. I could never…I—I hope that you don't hate me, either."

" _How_ …?" Tonks breathed, her eyes searching Lupin's face.

"How what?" Remus asked, confusion welling inside him.

"How could I _possibly_ hate you, Professor Lupin?" she asked. The very thought seemed to disturb her, if the stricken look on Tonks's face was any indication for Remus to go off of. "Because you did not tell me about your lycanthropy? Considering the way the rest of our society treats were—someone like _you_ ," she corrected herself quickly, a light pink blush speckling along her cheeks, "I don't blame you for hiding it."

Remus struggled to formulate an apt response, but Tonks wasn't finished yet. "You are a difficult man to hate, Professor," she murmured. "You are a _kind_ man, with a good heart, but I can see you don't believe it for yourself. I saw how you helped out Neville Longbottom today by teaching him to repel his boggart. I think he's a brave kid. A braver boy than most give him credit for. I caught Draco Malfoy kicking the crap out of Longbottom in the lavatory. I don't know why, but it doesn't matter. I was able to put a stop to it before things could escalate, but it would be good to keep an eye on Mr. Longbottom for a few weeks, Professor."

She heaved a haggard-sounding sigh and looked out the window out at the grounds, where it seemed as though Harry Potter and Ron Weasley were heading towards Hagrid's hut to pay him a visit. She flinched, thinking she'd still have to talk to Hagrid before the hearing in a few more days and try to convince him what Buckbeak did to her and her cousin in no way reflected his abilities as Care of Magical Creatures teacher, and she hoped to instill some confidence in Hagrid. A muffled noise brought her back down to reality as Lupin cleared his throat, wanting to steer their conversation back to the topic of Neville and Draco.

Tonks blinked, startled, and blushed maddeningly.

"Oh, don't worry," she added quickly, resting her cheek in her hand, noticing Remus's flushed look of dawning outrage and concern for Neville Longbottom's well-being, and the fact that another student assaulted another. "I took care of it. I think. I'll have words with my cousin should Malfoy do it again, sir. You are kind, even when you do not have to be, when that person does not deserve it," Tonks spat bitterly. "And that is the thing that makes you _you_ , Lupin," she whispered, reaching out a hand and placing it near his heart. "Not your lycanthropy, Remus. I don't care if you're a werewolf. Truly. I _don't_."

Silence filled the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. Lupin stared at his partner, utterly dumbfounded and gob smacked, at a loss for words yet again around this celestial-like creature, but without words at the ready. He could not remember a time in his life when anyone, not even Lily and Alice, Merlin bless their souls, had spoken to them.

His first instinct was to deny everything Tonks just said to him. However, the fierce burning look in Tonks's gray eyes warned Lupin against it. In fact, he was certain that in the short now-going three weeks of knowing his new partner, he had never seen such an expression on the young witch's pale features. A potent mix of sincerity, loyalty, sadness, and…something else he couldn't name.

Something that both frightened and enthralled him, intoxicated him. The intensity of her gaze made him suddenly feel self-conscious.

Tonks smiled, though it looked more like a grimace, that did not meet her eyes as she gave her head a curt shake to rid her mind of the long ago trauma from her mind, now that she had finished telling Remus the unpleasant story behind the unusual form of her boggart.

Her eyes glistened with unshed tears as she fought back the urge to break down again, and it was a moment before Tonks lifted her face to his to find the same sorrow as her torment she was sure was reflected in her own eyes.

A part of her was beginning to feel a little bit claustrophobic and overwhelmed at Professor Lupin's empathy for her, that all she wanted to do in the moment is lose herself in the man's brown eyes that reminded her of hot cocoa on a cold winter's day, or the boughs of an old oak tree after a fresh rainfall: dark, rich, beautiful.

Those were his eyes. Bewitching, perhaps her partner's best physical trait. However, the part of her that won out in the end against her desire was that which wanted to crawl away and hide for a while.

Tonks swallowed down hard and snapped herself back to her usual stoicism, the façade she showed the rest of the world back up once more, and hid her emotions just as quickly as the young witch allowed them to surface in the young werewolf's presence, which was…unique.

Even so, Tonks couldn't help but feel a dreadful feeling in her chest, knowing that she still did not at all feel at ease about Remus's evident disappointment in her towards her behavior the other night, when she had snuck out of the Hospital Wing against Pomfrey's orders in search of Black, and had wound up talking to Professor Trelawney instead. At the thought of the Divination Professor, Tonks startled.

She was not entirely sure she bought into the Seer's 'fortune telling' gimmick, though something about the solemn way the older witch's eyes had glazed over towards the end of her prediction regarding whether or not Tonks would find true love in this world gave Tonks pause, and she blinked as she looked at Professor Lupin.

The young Auror wanted nothing more than to set things straight with her partner once and more, now that their combined secrets were laid bare for the other to see and embrace, to tell Remus that she was firm in her resolve and stood by her own actions. That she did not regret straying from her bed in an attempt to capture Black herself.

She also wanted to inform Professor Lupin that he was not as ignorant to Sirius Black's potential behavior, what he could have done.

Alastor had been the one to inform Tonks of her own cousin's past womanizing behavior, and to, as always, maintain constant vigilance if and when she happened to be the one to apprehend their escaped convict. She had promised old Broody Moody that she would be safe.

Tonks _knew_ what a man like Black wanted with a woman like her. She knew _so_ bloody well, in fact, that it made her shudder just to think it. Perhaps she didn't know all of the details, no, but she knew enough.

But more importantly, Tonks wanted Lupin to know that she was not as naïve as the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor had implied just two nights ago in the Hospital Wing when he'd escorted her back to the bed after having to wake up and come to look for her.

She did not want to argue with the man, not after reaching some semblance of reconciliation and establishing a sense of trust with her partner, and especially did not want him to yell at her again.

However, Tonks knew she wouldn't feel right until she spoke to Remus about it.

"Remus," Tonks squeaked in a small voice as she straightened her posture and swiveled her head back around slowly to meet his gaze, glancing down at her heavily bandaged arm in its Merlin-damned sling. He watched as her partner quickly rose from his chair and made his way to stand next to Tonks, hovering behind her behind her chair.

"What's wrong?" Lupin asked, concern marking his pale features as his brows came together in confusion. "Are you hurting? Is it your arm? How are your wounds? Do you need to see Madame Pomfrey?"

" _Remus_!" Tonks protested, swallowing a lump in her throat, suddenly feeling smothered by the man's almost wolfish protectiveness. "I'm okay, I'm fine, my wounds are just fine," she answered, doing her best to reassure her partner of it.

She paused, hesitating as she needed a moment to gather her thoughts, and when she did speak, she was surprised at how meek her voice sounded. She really didn't want to bring this up again, but she could sense that a few nights ago in the Hospital Wing, Remus had more on his mind that he wanted to say regarding her foolishness.

Tonks knew that if she did not discuss it now, if she were to put it off, the two of them would only have to bring it up in conversation later, and waiting would surely only add to the man's mounting tension. No.

As uncomfortable as it made her right now, it was better this way, to just say her piece and get it out in the open, clear the air.

"I'm not afraid of my cousin," she lied, referring to Sirius. Bloody hell, but what had she gotten herself into? Of course, she was afraid.

She'd be a blind, bloody fool not to be. "I _know_ that you're a good dueler, Remus. There's a reason Dumbledore appointed you to teach this class," Tonks complimented, glancing around the now empty classroom, save for the two of them and of course, the boggart in the wardrobe. "But…considering the things Sirius has done, he murdered those poor twelve Muggles with one spell that set an explosion in the middle of the street in broad daylight. How could you _not_ be terrified at the thought of confronting him, after all these years? Just us. You. Me. Against… _him_. No one else has broken out of Azkaban Prison before. He is the first of his kind to do so. I couldn't let Sirius kill you, Remus. I had to go after him that night in the Hospital Wing. I hope you can at least understand why I did," Tonks whispered, biting down on her lip.

"I'd consider you a fool if you weren't afraid of Black, Tonks," Remus answered with a quiet seriousness to his tone, and an even somber expression on his face as his hand remained resting on her injured shoulder, though light, and careful to be mindful of her hurts. "You should stay _away_ from him if you do happen to come across him. Not only is he considered dangerous, but something of a ladies' man. At least, he was known for his womanizing during his time here at school."

The note of bitterness that had seeped its way unbidden to the surface of Remus's tone was unmistakable, and Tonks slowly nodded.

Lupin continued, not having noticed the way she was looking at him in silence.

"It's not unreasonable to feel afraid of what we're up against, Dora. Stay alert and prepared. Use your fear to help keep yourself safe. Don't allow it to paralyze you. If we stay close, you'll be safe, and as your partner, I care about your safety, Tonks. I am not expecting you to be fearless. The other night…" Remus hesitated as his voice trailed off, though he finally found his words. "I was…disturbed when you brushed off your leaving the Hospital Wing against orders was unimportant, that you would hold your own life in such low regard is _appalling_ to me, Tonks. Sirius is a man who _needs_ to be feared, Dora."

Lupin cringed and looked away, ducking his head in shame, hating to speak of his friend in such offensive terms, but Sirius had changed.

_He_ had changed. And neither of them was the same anymore. "You're in a much different place than I am, Tonks. Younger. More inexperienced." Lupin raised an eyebrow at the Metamorphmagus, trying to gauge her reaction, feeling grateful she did not seem hurt, though her face remained stoic and impassive, difficult for him to read. "I don't blame you for not fully understanding the danger you put yourself in the other night. You have _no_ _idea_ what Sirius might have done to you had you been unfortunate enough to cross paths with him, if he had been granted the opportunity, though he is not here for you."

"Harry," Tonks whispered immediately, already sensing where Remus was heading, and her suspicions were confirmed when Lupin nodded. She had heard rumors that he had escaped to find Potter. Tonks had not wanted to believe it, though judging by the look in Remus's darkening brown eyes as they flashed indignantly in anger, the gossip in the Auror Office and among the guards of Azkaban Prison held true. He had in fact, then, returned to Hogwarts to kill Potter.

Lupin nodded gravely and continued speaking.

"You are lucky that I found you when I did, Tonks. I was frustrated with you the other night. I recognize that I shouldn't have been and was too harsh with you. I was angry, and I had no right to be. How could you possibly understand someone who you've never met before? Just as long as I know that you understand now, that, to me, is what's most important. We can't change the past, not unless you have a Time-Turner like Miss Granger's and I really don't recommend it, but we can take the necessary precautions to ensure nothing like the other night happens to either one of us again, and that includes me going with you, Tonks."

"I didn't want to wake you, Remus," Tonks whispered, heat speckling along her cheeks as Lupin simply stared at her as she spoke.

The young Metamorphmagus was grateful the werewolf was allowing her to contradict him without any sort of protest on his part.

Lupin stared at her but did not speak. Remus looked to be searching Tonks's eyes, which made the witch squirm uncomfortably in her seat. What was the man looking for? A sign that she was lying?!

"So…ah…" Tonks awkwardly cleared her throat and averted Lupin's piercing gaze that felt like it was burning a hole in the side of her skull as she rose from her chair, cradling her injured arm in its sling with her own good arm, wincing at the soreness in her joints. "If it seemed I wasn't taking the situation seriously, Professor, it was because I did not understand it. Did not understand my cousin, sir."

Remus sighed heavily. "I am the one who should apologize, Dora. You are a brave woman, and I need to learn to treat you with the respect that I know you deserve among your equals, friends, that you have earned. I feared at first, considering your age and inexperience in the field of your line of work, that you did not understand the dangers you would be facing by agreeing to come here after Black, but I can see for myself now, that you do. You knew what you were up against, and you chose to try to track down Black anyways, despite being injured."

Tonks blinked owlishly at Remus with wide, almond-shaped eyes. Hearing Professor Lupin apologize to her was new, and she certainly did not know how to respond, thinking he had nothing to say sorry for.

She stiffened instinctively as Professor Lupin offered her his arm to walk her towards the door, sensing she was growing fatigued and needed rest, their shoulders practically touching as he walked her towards the exit, though Tonks made no move to relinquish his arm.

"I didn't mean to be so angry with you the other night, Tonks," Lupin apologized, casting a furtive, pained, and guilty look at her. "It was my own fear, thinking that Sirius had gotten to you or that something equally just as bad had happened, that caused me to snap. It was my own fear, manifesting itself as anger, that made me yell at you. No matter what, Tonks, I promise, you and I stick together now on," Remus reminded Dora, putting his arm around Tonks's shoulder and giving it a light squeeze, careful to be mindful of the witch's injuries. "I can respect that you did not want to get me involved. It was noble, brave, though perhaps incredibly self-destructive, but I hope that as your partner, if something like this happens again, you'll get me involved. It's no small fact that you're smaller than I am, more delicate. No offense," he added quickly, sensing the dawning look of shock and outrage that was rapidly paling Nymphadora Tonks's face quickly. "If anyone should be protecting the other from Sirius, or Merlin knows what else, it's me who should protect you, Tonks. I understand that you were fearing for my own well-being the other night, but if something happened to you to keep the danger away from me, then I don't think I could manage to find it within myself to forgive myself. I would rather you put my life at risk, Dora, if it means I can help you than to have you sacrifice yourself out of some sense of misplaced nobility. If you were killed trying to protect me in my stead, the guilt that I would bear would be crushing. _Please_ don't _do_ that to me, Dora."

Tonks leaned tiredly against Lupin's shoulder as she closed her drooping eyelids. She was so damned bloody exhausted. "I'm sorry, Remus, if it seems that I'm sometimes reckless," Tonks confessed. "In my effort to do what's right, I don't always do what I ought to. I tried to do what I thought was right, and in my mind, it meant keeping you safe, Remus."

Lupin leaned over and glanced down at his partner, feeling an inexplicable warmth start to spread through his chest and to his toes.

"Having someone who thinks differently than the rest of us is not a bad thing, Tonks," Remus gently reminded her. "It's a good thing."

Tonks nodded, unable to shake the growing sense of unease that crept down her spine like a spider leaving a careful trail of silk. "Well, ah…" she announced uncomfortably. "I—I should…get some rest, Professor Lupin. It's—it's getting late, and I have the hearing to prepare for. I'll be gone on Friday, but I'll be back later that evening, and I just thought…maybe Saturday for our Hogsmeade trip, Remus?"

Lupin nodded, though he was puzzled at her growing nervousness.

Remembering her courtesies, Tonks blushed, her cheeks flushed high with color as she inclined her head. "Thank you, Remus," she whispered in a voice so faint, he practically had to lean forward to hear.

She bashfully turned her head to eye him from the corner of her lowered gaze. "For listening to me. You're the first person I've told."

Tonks was, he assumed, referring to the story behind her boggart. The witch was attempting to be graceful in her gratefulness, but she was much too overcome with a sense of nervous awkwardness, though Remus did not mind in the slightest. In truth, he found it endearing.

Before Lupin could answer, she wrenched open the door to his classroom, only to find herself face-to-face with Professor Dumbledore.

"Sir," she squeaked breathlessly, dipping her head again as a show of utmost respect towards the Hogwarts Headmaster, her gaze flitting from Remus to Albus, a confused look on her pale features. "What—"

Though Albus held up a lined and withered hand, not letting her finish. "Please do not leave on my account, Auror Tonks. I was merely taking a stroll through the hallways and thought that I would stop in."

If it was at all possible, her blush intensified, and Tonks quickly shook her head. "No, no, th—that's all right, sir, I was just leaving. It's—it's late, and I should get going. Good evening, Professor."

She shot Remus one more kind, soft brilliant white smile before turning on the heels of her boots to disappear down the corridor to her personal quarters, leaving Lupin alone in the hallway alongside Albus.

Lupin silently seethed at the Headmaster's ability to have truly impeccable (and unwanted!) timing on Albus Dumbledore's part.

"Professor," he sighed, mindful of his courtesies as well as he stepped backward and opened the door, allowing Albus to enter inside.

"Ah, thank you, Remus," Professor Dumbledore murmured quietly by way of response, peering at his Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher through the lenses of his silver half-moon spectacles. "I was hoping that you and I could have a quick word? About your partner?"

He felt his heart sink to the pit of his stomach. Oh, Merlin's Beard, oh, god, this was _it_. Something had happened. Some rumor, something.

Professor Dumbledore was here to tell him that Auror Tonks had been reassigned, that for some reason, she was not to be his partner.

Surely, that was it. Lupin felt his shock stun his features, though he blinked and shook his head to rid his mind of the intrusive thoughts.

Panicking in front of the Hogwarts Headmaster would not help him here, and he forced himself to try to remain as calm as he could.

"O—of course," he stammered, motioning with a wave of his arm for Professor Dumbledore to occupy the very seat Tonks had just vacated, though as he risked one last glance over his shoulder at the spot in the hallway where the vivacious, pink-haired young witch had stood not only moments ago, he wanted to be beside her more, to talk with her, to linger into the early morning hours of the witching hour.

His body began to inappropriately react to the thoughts of Tonks, and he forced himself to lose his imaginings on other wonders of the young witch who was his partner, especially in front of Dumbledore.

Remus gently closed the wooden door of his classroom behind him, and as he strode at almost a leisurely pace towards the other unoccupied chair while Dumbledore waited patiently for Remus to get himself situated, he thought that he was glad Tonks had trusted him enough to share in her memory of the nature of her boggart's form.

It was painful, but at least a connection. Perhaps something to build upon. As he sat down, Remus wondered what other experiences had shaped her, molded her into the beautiful and intelligent witch Tonks had become, and all throughout his and Albus's conversation, he allowed his mind to drift to thoughts of Tonks, and their Hogsmeade trip coming up in a few days, unaware that Hermione Granger stood just outside the Defense Against the Dark Arts door, eavesdropping.


	18. An Awkward Confrontation

**18**

**LUPIN** did not know what to make of Professor Dumbledore's impromptu visit, feeling quite flustered at the aging old wizard's ability to show up in what he thought tended to be at the most inconvenient of times. Yet, ever mindful of his courtesies, especially to the man who had done so much on his behalf, he was not about to turn the Hogwarts Headmaster away.

"Good evening, Albus," he murmured courteously by way of response. "What can I do for you this afternoon, Professor?"

Professor Dumbledore peered at Remus over the rimes of his silver half-moon spectacles, a twinkle in his cobalt blue orbs, and yet his expression remained quite grim and serious.

"Let us assume that for the time being, you have not forgotten your manners and have invited me in to take a seat?" he asked, a note of amusement laced throughout his quiet voice, as he, without waiting to be invited inside, strode past Professor Lupin and perched himself in the chair that Tonks had just occupied.

Well, Remus decided, somewhat resignedly, that he could not ignore the Hogwarts' Headmaster's presence in his classroom any longer, and he turned in the door what reluctantly to face Albus.

"Hello," he grunted by way of response, aware that his tone sounded gruff and coarse as his mind drifted to thoughts of her.

Albus, for a brief second, looked pleased. "There it is. There's that look. You are getting to be quite _good_ at this, Professor Lupin, you know. You truly have a gift. I have received nothing but compliments from the students in regard to your teaching."

Lupin grunted again, wordlessly this time as he moved to take the seat just across from Professor Dumbledore, unable to help but wonder what exactly it was that Albus wished to speak about.

Sensing that Remus was not going to be the one to initiate the conversation, Professor Dumbledore continued. "I was just coming to speak with you, as it happens. I am relieved to see that you were still in your office," he pressed, smoothing the material of his pristine gray robes and flicking off a speck of dust with a slightly withered finger, crinkling his nose in disgust at the speck.

It was clear from the sudden wavering note in Albus Dumbledore's voice that he was not a man who was used to asking permission, and yet, it felt imperative that he do so at this time.

"I think that you will want to hear what I have to say," Albus muttered, perhaps for the first time in his life sounding surprised.

_I think that I won't_ , Lupin thought resentfully to himself, but he folded his arms across his chest regardless and waited for Professor Dumbledore to say his piece. Professor Dumbledore pursed his lips into a thin line, his expression quite serious.

"I am quite disappointed in both you and Miss Tonks, Lupin. Would you care to _explain_ to me, Professor Lupin, why your partner thought it imperative that I _not_ be informed of a possible sighting of our mutual person of interest in the castle but a few nights ago? Did you really, _truly_ think that I was not _aware_ of such goings-on?" he asked, the edges of his beard twitching without any sort of prompting as he folded his hands together in his lap. "Did you both think that I did not _know_ , Professor?"

Remus felt something within himself tighten, feeling suddenly concerned. Someone— _somewhere_ —had _talked_ , he was sure of it.

He almost would have preferred if Dumbledore had shouted.

His wolfish senses went on high alert as if Tonks herself were standing in the very room alongside them, just behind him. "Is my partner in danger because of this, Professor Dumbledore?" he asked urgently, desperate for Dumbledore to tell him the truth.

"Not presently," Albus reported. "However, the fact that I was not informed of such a development is a grave oversight on her part, and I fear that disunity within your partnership could be of greater threat in the future than expected if the two of you are unable to come to _some_ sort of resolution regarding the status of your partnership. I am aware the two of you are becoming quite close…" But his voice trailed off and he didn't finish his thought.

Lupin felt the fear begin to mount within his chest as his stomach dropped and his knees went weak, grateful he was already seated. "I can assure you, Albus, any oversight on my part was completely unintentional. What happened the other night was a grave mistake. Dora did not wish to incite panic within the students in the event that Tonks happened to be mistaken."

Professor Dumbledore proceeded to look at his Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor in a compassionate manner.

He had been afraid that Remus would misunderstand.

"And yet, you can imagine the chaos that would ensue if Sirius Black were allowed to freely roam the walls of the castle. What if he had harmed one of our students, Professor Lupin, what then? We would be held responsible, and I will not have my students in danger, know this. This _cannot_ happen again. Remus. Allow me a moment to speak if you please. You are more skilled, stronger, and more honorable than most men throughout my long life that I have had the pleasure of knowing. By bringing this up to you now has nothing to do with any failure on your part, Professor Lupin. Please believe that you have more than lived up to all the expectations that have been placed upon you thus far when you accepted this post. More so, as a matter of fact, Lupin."

Professor Dumbledore could not allow the younger man to think his performance was anything but exemplary thus far, and Albus attempted to diffuse the situation, and the sense of defeat the werewolf was exhibited by the way his shoulders slumped.

Albus released a tired sigh, a sign of his own exhaustion as it did not take Professor Lupin long to delve into the tale of events that had transpired between him and Nymphadora Tonks the other night when the spirited young witch had taken it upon herself to blatantly disregard Madam Pomfrey's orders of bed rest and attempt to put herself in the line of direct danger when she believed she had spotted Sirius watching them in the doorway.

Added to that the misfortunate injury and severity of her wounded arm, mended to the best of Pomfrey's ability caused by Hagrid's hippogriff that was causing Albus an untold amount of stress as a hearing by the Board of School Governors was set to take place at the Ministry of Magic on Friday, two days from now.

Yet, misfortune did not seem an adequate enough word for Albus's precarious position that he now found himself in all this.

"Albus." Lupin's voice was faint, barely above a whisper, and as Professor Dumbledore lifted his gaze to look his colleague in the eyes, he found the dark-eyed werewolf observing him with an uncharacteristically unreadable expression. "I didn't wish for it. Her—her _injuries_. They are _my_ fault, Professor. If I had gotten there sooner, I might have been able to prevent her attack, sir. And you are right. We should have informed you immediately of her sighting of Sirius Black. Rest assured, it will not happen again."

His words were quiet as he ducked his head in shame, and a dark shadow passed over the man's hard, unrelenting features. Lupin took a moment to bury his head in his hands and carded his fingers through his thick tuft of short brown hair flecked with bits of premature grey. Albus quirked a brow at a section near the man's bangs, swearing he caught sight of yet another grey hair in Lupin's bangs that had not been there this morning at breakfast.

Clearly, whatever weighed on his conscience was troubling the poor man, and Albus wished to help. Even now, when Professor Lupin's outward, calm appearance reflected and betrayed nothing of the greater turmoil that Albus knew lay brewing, just beneath the surface, he knew Remus Lupin to be conflicted over what to do about the matter of Black and her.

Professor Dumbledore let out a tired sigh and lifted his glasses so as to pinch at the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger, fighting off the beginnings of a truly awful headache.

"Nevertheless," muttered the Hogwarts Headmaster as he dipped into an interior pocket of his grey robes to procure and unwrap a lemon drop and popping it into his mouth, "What has been done is _done_. Miss Tonks, as a result of her own recklessness, is safe, though even, yes, I admit, she _is_ very brave, is clearly shaken and injured from her experience in dealing with the insulted hippogriff, to say nothing of Black's impromptu visit. However, despite your… _delay_ , in warning me of this occurrence, your partner _is_ safe. But if her recovery is to reach its fullest, trust needs to be shown and given from both of you. And in a clear fashion, Professor Lupin, if I may add. You need to be honest and truthful with her. It is the basis of foundations in any connection."

The furrow between Lupin's brows deepened, and his bewilderment grew as he dragged his palm down alongside his face. "How could Tonks possibly come to trust me after… _that_?"

Professor Dumbledore as he looked into Remus Lupin's light brown eyes burning, smoldering bright and cracked at the edges with no small amount of self-loathing and hatred for what he was, he knew that the younger man in front of him blamed himself for the young Auror's current injuries. If he had gotten there sooner…

Despite the man's less than positive inflection, Lupin's line of sight remained unabashed and unwavering as he looked not at Albus, but instead out the window and towards the Whomping Willow, where a surge of painful memories hit him squarely in the chest, as though hit by a powerful Knockback Jinx, and he froze.

Professor Dumbledore stroked the ends of his long grey beard in contemplative thought, pondering the younger man's words before deciding on an appropriate response to give Remus.

"The fault was _not_ yours, Professor Lupin, and I will not have you think along those lines, sir, so please. Do not. If anyone is to blame, and you did not hear this from me, the fault is Mr. Malfoy's for disregarding the instructions of his Care of Magical Creatures teacher and provoking the hippogriff to the point of anger. Miss Tonks did what she thought was right by evacuating the class and attempting to calm the hippogriff in Professor Hagrid's absence. All things considered, I would be inclined to say that she did remarkably well. Not many adults, let alone as one as young as she, could take on an agitated hippogriff in their most aggressive state and live to tell about it, Professor Lupin. Allow Miss Tonks a moment of weakness. It is quite clear to me that she has not properly addressed the current situation. Her life, once stable, is now in a constant state of flux since accepting this position here at Hogwarts, and she cannot be expected to adapt so rapidly without repercussions. She possesses a strong will to please and a fierce loyalty unlike anything I've not seen before in my life, and I have seen much," he added, almost as an afterthought, sounding amused, a faraway glint in his blue eyes. "The moment that you experienced the other night where she went off on her own in search of Mr. Black is the manifestation of those repercussions. She is a curious woman, your partner, and possesses a keen insight as to the thoughts and feelings of those around her, however, I fear that should she encounter our escaped convict, he would use that to his advantage, I'm afraid."

"He _wouldn't_ ," Remus spoke up quietly, though he hesitated, and Albus swore he caught a glimpse of uncertainty in the young thirty-five-year-old's forlorn and utterly miserable expression. "I've said it once before and I would say it again until my dying breath, Professor. Sirius Black is—was—many things, but I—I don't think that he would…that he would…he—he _wouldn't_."

"I am inclined to agree with you, Professor. I share your sentiment, Remus, but we must be cautious and consider every angle with which he would use to exploit to his advantage, including… _that_. She cares for you, Professor." Albus's next words were blunt, even statements uttered without any semblance of preamble or inflection.

Albus was not fooled when Lupin ducked his head.

"Don't _ignore_ me, Remus, and you are no _fool_ , so cease this behavior at once. You would be an ignoramus to vehemently deny that the two of you are beginning to share a connection, wouldn't you say, Professor?" he added, an obvious edge to his normally kind and quiet voice now as his expression hardened.

The corners of Albus's mouth twitched as he fought down the smile that threatened to escape as Lupin's head whiplashed sharply upright so fast that the Headmaster was surprised his professor did not give himself a strained neck muscle by doing so.

"Seeing as how _you_ , among a few others within this castle's walls, have been one of few adults here at Hogwarts to show Auror Tonks any semblance of respect and kindness whatsoever, it should come as a little shock to you. She is very much like you, Professor Lupin," he added, and this time, he _did_ smile at the look of shock snaking its way along Remus's lined, scarred features. "Miss Tonks is a different sort of witch. She is a young woman with a fair amount of independence and a sign of certain courage that I have not seen too terribly much of in my long years, Professor, as I am sure that you yourself have noticed. A noble quality, yes?"

Lupin nodded mutely in response, not sure what else to say.

Professor Dumbledore basked in the silence of the quiet man seated across from him, seemingly at a loss for words as to what to say. It was clear by the remorseful expression on Professor Lupin's face that he wished to apologize for what had transpired.

"Have you talked to her? Miss Tonks?" Professor Dumbledore pressed, running his hand through his beard, already knowing what the younger wizard's answer would be in regard to the nature of their growing relationship. The old man was not so quick to forget the visual image of the werewolf before him sleeping in the young witch's arms in the Hospital Wing.

For just a brief moment, he wondered if Remus himself was aware of that if he knew that he had fallen asleep in that way.

Dumbledore's piercing pale blue orbs wandered upwards and settled on Professor Lupin's pale, peaky appearance, and he furrowed his brows at the greying tinge to the man's flesh within the shadows of the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom that filled the space between the two wizards as they sat and chatted.

Remus almost looked a little bit ridiculous in the silence that filled his shell, staring at a void out the window as though nothing else were more important than whatever he happened to be looking at.

"I suppose not, or if it _was_ so, it did not go well…" Albus sighed, his small eyes squinting, almost looked like lines now. "Yes. I assume that, by now, considering the young woman in question is privy to the nature of your condition? She _did_ see your boggart, after all."

His words were worth the shifting of the conversation if only see the way Lupin's head whiplashed sharply upwards, a look of abject horror on his lined face as his lips parted open in shock, though when he attempted to speak, nothing came.

Of all the statements, it came as no surprise to Professor Lupin by this point in his appointment as Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher that Dumbledore had somehow managed to single out and latch onto perhaps the most important event that could have happened to him thus far during his time here.

He himself was still having difficulty wrapping his mind around it. That Tonks did not care that he was a werewolf, and he could tell by the way Professor Dumbledore let out a light little chuckle as he rested his cheek in his fist and regarded Remus, that his face surely must have held a dumbfounded expression at this.

All of his entire life he had been judged for what he looked like, the scars on his face. How people could barely look him in the eye, much less hold a conversation or stomach to be in the same room with him once they learned the truth of his condition.

But Tonks had not. His beautiful, compassionate partner, who looked upon him as if he were normal, like everyone else in life.

An inexplicable warm feeling rested in his heart as he reluctantly shook his head to clear his mind of thoughts of Tonks, forcing his attention to return to Albus, who awaited his answer.

"She—she did," he murmured, a fiery heat speckling along his cheeks, flushing them with color as he thought of the shared experience the two of them had, how she had seemingly decided to trust him enough to reveal the form of her boggart and the heart-wrenching story behind it.

If it was at all possible, his blush intensified and he pointedly looked away from Albus's piercing gaze, not wanting to delve into the details of a private moment.

Despite his best efforts to attempt to conceal it from the Headmaster, a hesitant smile played on his features, and he winced as the skin near the edges of his lips, where his scars ended, pulled taut and tight, rendering it most uncomfortable.

He could not quite shake the feeling of dread from his spine that somehow, in his own way, Dumbledore already knew the truth behind Tonks's boggart, and his next words he spoke to Remus confirmed this. "Heartbreak is…" Albus began, who was in the midst of unwrapping yet another lemon drop and not looking at Remus, "It is a funny thing, Professor Lupin. The devastation you feel at the loss of a loved one is absolute, wouldn't you say?"

Remus knew he was referring to both Sirius Black, towards his own emotions at the immense hurt his old friend's betrayal had caused, and to that, he assumed, of the child that poor Tonks had lost.

He did not know what to say to that. "It is," he said at last.

Dumbledore chanced a glance at the distraught younger man out of the corner of his eyes, though his pale blue eyes twinkled behind the lenses of his spectacles, as though he knew something of Nymphadora Tonks that he did not, and this irked Remus.

"You keep your doors locked, Professor Lupin. No, not your physical door. This one in here," Albus added, sensing Remus furrow his brows in confusion as the aging old Headmaster reached out his hand and placed it gently over Lupin's heart. "You think of it as a change for change, what you are doing to yourself by cutting yourself off from the rest of polite society, to keep others like Miss Tonks from hurting, but you must believe me when I tell you that the only one you're hurting is _yourself_ , you see yourself as a monster when you are not one, Remus. You mustn't let a label define who you are. You are a brilliant man and an uncommonly kind one at that. I heard how you helped Mr. Longbottom conquer one of his fears in your class today, sir," he said gravely, the light in his eyes dimming a bit as they sobered.

Lupin flinched. He should have expected word of Neville Longbottom's boggart would have circulated throughout the castle by now. He could only hope that Professor Snape was not too harsh on Neville as a result of what happened in his lesson.

Albus leaned forward from his perch in his chair, intertwining his fingers together now that he was not occupied with a piece of candy, as though not quite sure what to do with his hands now.

The laughter had evaporated from the aging wizard's blue eyes. His customary warmth still remained, and yet, for the moment, Albus Dumbledore was quite serious as he gazed at him.

"I have found it is the small things, the everyday deeds, Professor Lupin, that impact our lives the very most. Simple acts of kindness and love that keep the darkness in our lives at bay. The fact that there could be a little more love in this world gives me courage, and I will _always_ have hope in these dark times, sir."

Allowing the ghost of a small smile to cross his withered features, Professor Dumbledore rose with a barely audible groan, wincing at the stiffness in his joints, no doubt causation of his lumbago and arthritis at his old age.

Professor Lupin followed suit as he followed the Hogwarts Headmaster to the door of his office, not sure what Albus wanted, though if Remus had to hazard a guess, he would insist upon a cup of hot Earl Grey tea before leaving, more as a pleasantry than a courtesy. He let out a sigh.

"One thing yet begs the question: why did Sirius Black enter the castle? We know he is seeking Harry, but…I sense there was _more_ to it than that. He _specifically_ came to the Hospital Wing. He did not head for Gryffindor Tower, as I suspected that he might," Dumbledore sighed, sounding conflicted, as he gazed at Lupin out of the corner of his eyes, who was feeling and looking quite flustered. "More specifically, if your partner truly _did_ see him, that would mean Black was in the same vicinity as the two of you. I confess myself…surprised, that he did not attempt to confront you, Professor. Astounded, in fact, as to his reasonings, which begs to the question, where did he disappear to?" Professor Dumbledore piped up, breaking the awkward silence between the two men, steering their conversation back to the topic of Black.

Lupin had no idea and said as much. "I have several ideas as to where he might have gone, Headmaster, and each one as unlikely and complex as the last. Sirius is a powerful wizard, sir."

Professor Dumbledore nodded his agreement as Remus stepped back to allow him entry into his office, blue eyes twinkling. "I should be delighted to hear them another time, Professor. Perhaps over a cup of tea if you have the time? I don't suppose there's time for a spot of tea before I must head back to my office? It has been a long time since the two of us have conversed as equals." Before Lupin could even respond, the corners of his mouth twitched upward in a soft smile. "Two lumps of sugar, please, if you have some," he smiled, though his smile faltered for a brief moment as he looked out the window and out onto the Hogwarts Grounds, where, if you squint closely enough, you could see Hagrid feeding dead ferrets to Buckbeak, and his face fell, crestfallen.

"Of course. I hope you don't mind that I only have teabags, Professor Dumbledore," stammered Lupin, his blush flushing his cheeks high with color as he withdrew his wand from his pocket, gave it a sharp rap, and immediately set about boiling teabags.

Professor Dumbledore made an odd little strangled noise at the back of his throat that sounded like a cross between a laugh and a snort as Lupin handed his steaming mug of tea to him when it had finished being prepared.

"I daresay your third years have had enough of teabags from their Divination classes, I would hazard a guess. Perhaps Miss Tonks has as well, considering…" Though his voice trailed off and he did not complete his sentence, which sent a red flag in Remus's mind. Had Tonks had a run-in with Professor Trelawney? If so, had she predicted her death?

Lupin repressed the urge, finding it difficult not to roll his eyes a bit at the fraudster Seer's claims of doom and destruction. The question tumbled unchecked from his lips before Remus could even think about stopping himself.

"Has Tonks spoken to her?" His curiosity was, he hated to admit this, piqued a bit.

Professor Dumbledore merely responded in kind by lifting his chipped teacup to his lips and drinking, all the while studying Professor Lupin over the rim of his cup while doing so, causing Remus to turn his head away to avoid the man's piercing icy gaze.

It always unnerved him whenever Albus did this, to say the least, though he had no time to ponder it as Dumbledore spoke.

" _That_ is a question that I am _not_ required to answer, Remus. I suggest that if you are truly curious as to what your partner and my Divination teacher discussed, that you ask Miss Tonks _yourself_. It is the only way that your partnership will flourish. If the two of you are open and honest with one another. _Trusting_ , sir."

His words caused Lupin's neck to sting with the heat at the declaration of his partner's name, and his mind drifted to thoughts of their upcoming Hogsmeade trip next week. A _date_.

The thought plastered underneath his skin and made it crawl, though not necessarily with revulsion, but rather, of excitement.

Lupin nodded slowly, his brain taking in Dumbledore's words. "What would you recommend that I do, Albus?" he asked, speaking of Tonks and the matter of Sirius Black's entry into the school, and he was rewarded with a sad little smile from Albus.

The aging old wizard drained the last of his tea and stowing the teacup on its saucer politely on Lupin's desk before rising from his chair and heading towards the door to show himself out.

He cast Remus a surprisingly sympathetic but sharp look.

"Might I recommend that you speak to her come the morning, Professor Lupin? Say what you will to her regarding what happened if you have not already addressed it with her, as long as it does not continue to ridicule or place her fears of her situation in a greater state than they already are, sir. As much as I am inclined to believe Auror Tonks hates to admit it, given her life circumstances and the traumas she has suffered through, she is a fragile young woman. Even more so now with…"

Here, he wildly gesticulated with his arms, pointing to his own to emphasize the severity of Lupin's partner's grave injury. But Professor Dumbledore did not give Remus a chance to interject with his own thoughts, for he continued speaking.

"Tread with caution regarding…certain topics. Do not conceal any information from her, as she should not from you, but she has an abundance of open wounds that I fear are not fully healed, and I speak not just of her physical wounds from the hippogriff's assault on her poor arm. I fear the young witch may retaliate in ways that neither of us could possibly be prepared for if she happens to reach that breaking point, Remus. As her partner, do not let it. There is enough discourse among the castle concerning matters surrounding Sirius, the two of you do not need to add to it, sir."

And with that, Professor Dumbledore gave an incline of his head and quietly excused himself, and yet, it was Remus who was left alone standing in the doorway of his now empty Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom as shame wafted over him, feeling like he had just been dismissed from his own classroom.


	19. Eavesdropping

**19**

**HERMIONE** Granger was eavesdropping just outside the door. A common occurrence for a Hogwarts student, but Hermione, abiding by a general rule of thumb, typically preferred not to stick her nose in other peoples' business.

However, this evening, as she was making her way down the first-floor corridor towards the Great Hall to meet Ron and Harry for dinner, she heard voices coming from inside Professor Lupin's Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, gradually rising in volume.

One voice, in particular, drew her attention because the thirteen-year-old Gryffindor immediately recognized it to belong to none other than Professor Lupin, and she swore she heard Auror Tonks's name being mentioned in his conversation with Dumbledore.

The young witch told herself it was out of concern for the pink-haired Auror's wellbeing, who she very much considered as a friend to them all at this point in time, considering how Tonks had played a huge part in helping Hermione capture Scabbers when Ron's rat was being chased by her Crookshanks when she otherwise would not have been fast enough to catch him, and she always had a wise nugget of wisdom when it came to studying, which Hermione appreciated. Ron and Harry, less so.

Hermione sniffed and rolled her eyes in disdain at the boys' general lack of interest in their schoolwork, pondering over the fact that those two would surely fail in their coursework if it were not for her consistently hounding them, as she leaned slightly towards the closed classroom door of Professor Lupin's classroom, gulping nervously as she caught snippets of their talk.

Things seemed to have calmed down considerably since she approached, for she only heard Professor Dumbledore murmuring to Professor Lupin in a low voice, and soon, silence.

Hermione let out a tired sigh of relief and stepped away.

"I can see why everyone prattles on about you knowing everything, Granger, you filthy little _Mudblood_ ," came a voice.

Hermione flinched, gritting her teeth in anger, immediately realizing that the voice had come not from inside the closed Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, but rather, behind her.

Turning around on the heel of her shoe at a great speed that startled even her, Hermione let out a gasp of surprise and felt her heart sink to the pit of her stomach as she came face-to-face with Draco Malfoy, a boy whom she felt the most unease with among all the others in the castle, including Professor Snape, which was really saying something.

The blond-haired Slytherin was dressed in a simple green woolen sweater overtop of his school uniform, his arms folded across his chest, which made Hermione narrow her eyes as she took in Draco Malfoy's surprise appearance.

His arm was still bound in its sling, a direct result of Buckbeak's attack against him, for which Hermione was glad.

She did not particularly consider herself a violent girl.

Far from it, though fires of fury and hatred as Hermione proceeded to grit her teeth in the effort to remain silent, lest one of the professors open the door to the classroom and find them spying, were smoldering in Hermione's darkened brown eyes as she weighed the pros and cons of the various and creative means available to her in order to discreetly exact revenge against the mess Malfoy was creating by causing such a scene over his arm.

Malfoy seemed to have an unhealthy obsession with the color emerald green, a color Hermione did not particularly enjoy as the hue represented that house of snakes, those Slytherins, those vipers, but even Hermione could not deny that it suited Draco.

In Hermione's mind, you had to be a certain type of person to pull off such a shade, and Draco Malfoy, unfortunately, was such.

Unassuming with a certain semblance of grace, yes, possessing an elegance that one could only learn somewhere.

In Malfoy's case, Hermione surmised she'd learned it from his parents. But still, his casual, relaxed manner, the way he was leaning up against the cold stone wall with his arms folded across his chest as he seemed to shrink into his sweater for warmth did nothing to quell the knots of unease that had wormed its way into Hermione's stomach, twisting a coil in her gut almost painfully.

In response to the Gryffindor's rather guarded expression at his sudden and unexplained appearance, Draco Malfoy merely proceeded to raise his blond brows at her and smirk in such a way that Hermione could only describe it as a Cheshire Cat-like grin.

He seemed to have found some hidden amusement in her appearance outside of Professor Lupin's closed classroom door.

This observation only made Hermione crinkle her nose in disgust as she stood straighter and stepped away from the door.

Of course, Draco Malfoy was no stranger to Hermione, no. She had known the boy now for a better part of three years and would be forced to suffer through his company until graduation.

But Hermione was also blatantly well aware that she did not really know Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy's son; not known then nor now what his true nature outside of Hogwarts School was.

She emanated a tense exhale through her flaring nostrils as she slowly righted her posture, never once averting her gaze. Hermione tried her absolute hardest to seem as nonchalant and blasé as possible, for she did not want to become the butt of another perverse joke, though knowing Draco, he certainly would.

Noticing her change in her stance, how her shoulders stiffened instinctively by way of response, the young blond-haired, sallow-faced Slytherin proceeded to copy Hermione's movements and mirror her behavior slightly by staring at Granger in a serene way.

It was more than a little unnerving, Hermione thought, pursing her lips as she glared at the boy, wondering what he wanted. She was merely being cautious, she told herself just now.

In her position, she had to be. Tonks could be in danger, and she had Harry's well-being to think of, with Sirius Black after him.

Draco Malfoy would have had the face of an angel if his lips would ever break farther apart, Hermione mused to herself. The edge was pushed upward, scrunching his one eye up, and his lips parted a centimeter, making it seductive to other girls in school.

But not Hermione. The faked smile on his pristine face made Malfoy appear almost too arrogant, and she didn't know why he was standing behind her, looking at her in such a despicable way.

"Never thought I'd see this day. You were _snooping_ , Granger," accused Draco Malfoy, his voice sly as he took a few steps forward, his hands folded neatly behind his back, his movements silent.

_Silent_. It sent a chill down Hermione's back at how fluid his movements seemed, almost _snakelike_ , she thought meanly.

"I—I was not," stammered Hermione immediately, a light pink blush speckling along her cheeks, contorting and twisting her face into an expression of pained outrage and the indignation, until she realized, perhaps a fraction of a second too late, due to the nature of the blond-haired Slytherin's expression, he was…

He was _teasing_ her. Hermione huffed in annoyance, sagging her shoulders in disappointment, and shook her head, slowly moving away from the door, though not before casting a nervous glance over her shoulder, wanting to know why it was that Professors Lupin and Dumbledore were discussing Miss Tonks.

Was she in trouble? Was she going to be reassigned?

"You shouldn't toy with other peoples' emotions, Malfoy. It never bodes well. I _heard_ about what you did to Neville, Draco."

Hermione's voice was uncharacteristically cold as she pursed her lips together in such a thin line that her lips almost vanished.

The smirk that threatened to stretch Malfoy's lips to an unnatural grin that almost seemed physically impossible quickly slid off like Stinksap as his mind processed Hermione's words.

Draco, it seemed, had anticipated this would be her response, for the blond-haired Slytherin was prepared with a comeback of his own in their little verbal sparring match.

"And yet, you find it perfectly acceptable to _eavesdrop_ on private arguments where such conversations are taking place. No wonder your abnormally large nose tends to know everything, Granger," Malfoy snorted, jerking his thumb and head towards the closed door of Professor Lupin's classroom, before scoffing and rolling his eyes in her direction.

Something about the shift in Draco Malfoy's tone gave Hermione pause, causing the young brunette witch to hesitate before replying, and her response was admittedly less cold than it had been only seconds ago, and became more of an enquiring nature, as she attempted to steer the conversation to her advantage, wanting to learn what Dumbledore wanted with Tonks, and _why_ he felt the need to converse with Lupin about it.

"How do you know which two people are conversing in the classroom, Malfoy, hmm?" Hermione pointedly challenged.

He clucked his tongue in disappointment, as though he had expected better from, in Draco's words, a 'know-it-all,' and shook his head by way of response before turning away from Hermione.

"It isn't hard to make out, Granger. Why don't you use your ears," snapped Draco, beginning to sound more like his old, belittling self again as he stepped not towards Hermione, for which she was grateful, but instead towards the last step of the Grand Staircase, where he plopped down with an exasperated sigh, ignoring the students who had to skirt around him to pass.

As he collapsed on the bottommost step, Hermione, ever the bright witch that she was, couldn't help but notice the somber quality to Malfoy's voice, sounding much more subdued, despite the fact that he still wore that insufferable smirk plastered to his face that she wished, if she wouldn't get in trouble, could jinx off.

"You heard it from down the corridor, didn't you, Malfoy?" Hermione inquired, relaxing slightly, feeling the tension in her shoulders leave her inch by inch as Malfoy stared up at the oil paintings on the walls of the Great Hall instead of at Hermione.

Malfoy made an odd little noise that sounded like a strangled attempt at speech from the back of his throat as he turned to look at her with an incredulous manner, as though she'd grown antlers.

"Of course, I heard it, Granger, are you _deaf_?" he barked roughly, his voice sounding rough and coarse and he sighed, raking his fingers through his short tuft of blond hair before letting out a tired sigh. "Professor Dumbledore has always had a powerful voice. Commanding tones when he so wishes it. Father has ah, had _experience_ …" His voice trailed off as he fell silent.

_I'll bet he has_ , Hermione thought darkly but did not press the matter. She raised her eyebrows at him and continued to stare at Draco Malfoy in a guarded fashion but could not deny that her curiosity had, against her better judgment, piqued at his presence.

Becoming curious as to how Lucius's only son would reply, Hermione, made no move to move away from the door as she asked whether or not the Slytherin knew why they were discussing Auror Tonks, for the pink-haired witch's name had mentioned three times within the last five minutes by both professors inside.

Draco smiled in a wry manner as his posture turned languid and quite lax, turning his attentions back towards Hermione, much to the young Gryffindor third-year's chagrin, who wished for nothing more than the floor to open up and swallow her.

"I think we _both_ know the answer to that, don't we, Granger. He _fancies_ her, and it's inappropriate and the last thing Dumbledore wants is another scandal. I wouldn't stand so close to that door if my cousin is in there, otherwise, you might hear something a little…delicate and improper for your _large_ ears…."

Draco turned around as he rose from his spot on the bottom step of the Grand Staircase, swinging his schoolbag over his shoulder as he made to head down to the dungeons to the Slytherin Common Room, though not before turning to Hermione, who was staring at Malfoy with an alarmed expression.

"How _dare_ you?!" spat Hermione hoarsely as she took a cautious step away from Draco, who made no move to go forward. "Tonks isn't _that_ kind of a witch, she is respectable, and Lupin—"

"I didn't know you were the type to defend my cousin, Granger," exclaimed Draco, his intentions of leaving for the dungeons now seemingly forgotten as he took a step towards Hermione, who responded in kind by recoiling and backing up. "But your sudden passion betrays that I'm not far from the truth, am I?" he snapped, hearing the rising of his own voice in anger. "Our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher fancies that witch and imagine if word got out! She's at least a decade younger than him, and with her duties to the school, the _last_ thing my cousin needs is a distraction, let alone from one who's a were—" he started to say, but stopped himself as he snapped, and quickly realized that he had given too much of himself away, for he looked away, a light pink blush speckling along his cheeks in utter anger.

"No," breathed Hermione, her brown eyes widening in shock, hardly daring to believe that she was contradicting Draco Malfoy, much less having an actual dialogue with the Slytherin. "There's more to it than that. I can see it in your eyes. You care for her. For Tonks. You don't want to see her hurt. And about our professor… _I_ _know_. I—I mean…I think I do, but it is _his_ business, _not_ ours, Malfoy."

The words tumbled unchecked from her lips before Hermione could even think about stopping herself, and she cursed herself.

She had not meant to blurt it out in such a way, but Hermione had her suspicions ever since seeing Professor Lupin's boggart of the full moon in class earlier today, and given how ill he always looked, how little his appetite was, the dots were slowly connecting the rest of the pieces in her mind.

But that Draco Malfoy had also had his suspicions of his cousin's partner, well…Hermione had not been expecting that.

She visibly cringed and shirked away the moment Malfoy's head whiplashed sharply upwards and his face drained of colors.

He parted his lips open to speak, though nothing came out. Malfoy shook his head as if to clear his mind before growling in frustration and turning away. "That's—it's—all right, _yes_ , there—there was a _moment_ when _maybe_ I might have…Follow me."

Hermione blinked owlishly at Draco, feeling certain she had misheard. Her heart was pounding loudly in her chest as Draco, sensing that Hermione had questioned, shook his head, though he motioned for her to follow him with a curt waving motion of his arm, he made no verbal retort to say where they were going.

She wasn't really sure where Draco wanted them to go, much less why the boy wanted to discuss this in private, with her, of all people, considering Harry was her best friend and the two boys couldn't stand one another, Hermione knew how it would look if gossip were to get out that someone spotted Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy alone in an empty classroom talking to each other like they were chums. It would be a peculiar sight, indeed.

All the while, as the students made their way down the corridor and heading towards the dungeons, the young Gryffindor could barely contain her racing heart or nearly frantic breaths.

Malfoy was _furious_. Hermione could see that quite plainly. He had not spoken of his anger when he had caught her just outside the door listening in to Dumbledore and Professor Lupin's talk, but throughout her brief encounters with the Slytherin thus far, Hermione liked to think she knew him well enough to know when Malfoy was upset, and now was definitely one of those times, yes.

As the two made their way into a small empty classroom in relatively close proximity to Professor Snape's Potions class, Hermione turned and looked at Malfoy as he quietly closed the door shut behind him, and Hermione's heart sank to her stomach.

"How long have you known?" Draco asked Hermione in a dangerously low and quiet voice, causing the witch to shirk away.

She had expected the Slytherin to interrupt him, to yell at her, and refuse to let Malfoy speak about the matter of his cousin seeming to take an interest in someone who may or may not be a werewolf, but Malfoy, much to Hermione's surprise, did no such thing. He continued to face away from Granger, his arms crossed.

Hermione recollected to earlier today, thinking about how flustered Malfoy had looked at the back of the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom when there had been that look exchanged between himself and Tonks. Clearly, _something_ had happened.

Though what that 'something' was, only Draco Malfoy knew. She was unsure if she had ever seen Harry's rival look quite so consumed by whatever was bothering him in…well, ever, really. The way Malfoy was staring at Hermione dead in the eyes was unnerving.

She remembered feeling uneasy last year when there had been that moment in Flourish and Blott's when she met Malfoy's father for the first time and had felt uncomfortable under the observant and scrutinizing gaze of Lucius, but this…

This was on a completely different level. The boy's eyes burnt with madness so cruel that Hermione dreaded to see more of it.

"Since this afternoon, I think. Not many people are afraid of crystal balls," Hermione snorted, remembering Lavender Brown's comment when Professor Lupin had stepped in front of Harry to prevent her friend's boggart from assuming a corporeal form.

She silenced the voice now screaming bloody murder in her head, telling her to turn on her heels and exit this room right now, deriving from the deepest stores of what bravery she had left.

"And have you _told_ anyone?" Draco inhaled, still refusing to face Hermione, speaking to her in a voice that could almost be described as a low growl that sent a chill of fear down her spine.

"It isn't our _business_ to tell, what does that really matter?" Hermione pressured Draco into answering, wanting to know his reasons for the shift in his countenance, to defend his cousin.

Malfoy groaned out loud, much to Hermione's astonishment, before turning to look at his rival's friend with a disappointed look on his face, his thin, wormy mouth twisted into a grotesque scowl.

"If I hear you that you _have_ , I'll throttle you, Granger, and the school will have one less filthy blood traitor _Mudblood_ to deal with," he barked, and Hermione, strangely enough, relaxed.

He was starting to sound like his old self, though why he wanted a word in private with her, of all people, remained a mystery. Hermione remained unfazed by Draco's little outburst.

Hermione took her time to form a reply, clearing her throat in the process, well aware that Tonks's cousin's gaze was directed solely at her while he waited patiently for her to answer his query.

"Why do you care so much?" Hermione heard herself asking, though she took a step back as her words finally seemed to register with Draco, whose pallid face paled even further in anger as he took a step towards Hermione and his arm shot out for hers.

"Never _mind_ why I care, Granger, keep your disgusting nose out of my business," Draco snarled, hissing his words through gritted teeth. "My reasons are my own. Tonks, like it or not, is my cousin! _I have family ties to her_! Imagine what would be said about us if we—if _she_ —associated with the likes of _him_. A _beast_."

Hermione bristled, silently seething, all the while feeling a stab of a fear prick at her heartstrings at the fact that Draco had just wound his fingers around her arm tighter than poison ivy would around the column of a pillar. So, that was Malfoy's reason, then.

To protect his and his family's reputation, to keep whatever was happening between Professor Lupin and Auror Tonks a well-kept secret, or at the very least, one that wouldn't reach his father.

The smile was gone from Malfoy's face as Draco continued, his eyes glistening with unshed moisture she knew weren't tears.

"I enjoy _breaking_ things, you know. I _could_ break your face, Granger. Black your eye, maybe even send myself some flowers for it. I swear by Merlin's left buttock, if you tell _anyone_ about my cousin and this—this _werewolf_ , then I swear, I'm going to hurt you. It's _better_ when it hurts, Granger. Pain can be a good thing."

His grasp on her hands tightened. Hermione felt her breath speeding up, but she did her best not to show it in front of Draco.

She had never once been afraid of him, and she was not about to be a coward in front of him now. She _was_ a Gryffindor, after all.

"Let go of me, Malfoy. It hurts," Hermione said calmly, struggling to break her wrist free from the Slytherin's grasp. Her body, though she was loathed to admit it, was very much afraid of Draco, what the boy might try to do to her, Muggle-born as she was, and given his dislike for anybody that wasn't a pureblood, Hermione wasn't sure that she _wanted_ to know his reasoning.

Her mind was struggling to remain unbothered by what he was doing in order to emphasize his point to stay quiet about his relationship with Tonks. She did not know what his plan was, but she instinctively started wondering, if she screamed, would a teacher, or even Auror Tonks herself, come to help her out?

Or would no one come for her and Draco would do whatever it was that he wanted until he'd finished 'making his point?'

"Get out of my way, Malfoy. _Move_ ," Hermione demanded, her voice cold. "I think I'll go now," the young witch suggested, cautiously side-stepping against the wall of the empty classroom, taking Malfoy with her as he made no move to let go of her wrist.

The Slytherin merely proceeded to squeeze onto Hermione's wrist even tighter, causing Hermione to cry out in pain. "I don't think so, Granger. You're not going anywhere just yet, hear me? _Not_. _One_. _Word_. Do you understand me, filthy _Mudblood_? If you tell a single _soul_ that I _care_ for my blood traitor of a cousin, I'll deny every word of it," he growled, whispering into the shell of her ear. She could fight Malfoy, school rules be damned. She could resist. But in here, no one would hear her screams, and she knew Draco Malfoy meant every single word he'd just said.

" _Let_. _Go_!" Hermione screamed, raising her voice just enough to hope that she had ensured that someone heard her.

His fingers reached toward her cheek, and before Malfoy could so much as lay a single finger on her, she pushed Draco's hand away and slapped Malfoy with all her strength and hatred.

Draco's tongue brushed over his upper lip where she had hit him. Before Hermione could make a bolt for the exit, he grabbed her wrists, preventing her from reaching her wand, spun her around, and pinned Hermione against the bookshelves, pushing himself onto her. Her breaths came in short, gasping spurts as the pain spiraled throughout her body, the shelves dug into her back.

The grasp on her wrists was hard, her arms twisted backward. Gasping, Hermione struggled to set herself free from Malfoy, but this only succeeded in the young blond Slytherin tightening his grip.

"Go ahead. _Struggle_. Scream if you want, you filthy blood traitor. No one's going to hear you all the way down here," Malfoy hissed into her ear, his breath against her skin causing Hermione to shiver in disgust. "You're _not_ leaving this room till you say it."

Say what? What was it that he wanted her to say? That she wouldn't talk to anyone about him and Tonks? Though before Hermione could ask him whatever it was he wanted her to promise him, she yelled out in pain as Malfoy seized a fistful of her hair and yanked her ponytail back, his other hand coming up to wind itself around the pale column of her throat and squeezed.

Hermione squeezed her eyes tightly shut, almost praying, wishing to dissociate from whatever Malfoy was about to do to her. She shook, quivering violently, but she refused to cry as Draco's hand squeezed even tighter, cutting off her air circulation.

The door burst open and Malfoy's grip around her throat instantly subsided, leaving her against the bookshelf and limp. Hermione felt her knees buckle beneath her, holding onto the shelves behind her for support as she continued to tremble, her eyes still closed tightly shut. Something heavy and loud clattered on the floor next to her, and almost blindly, the witch groped for it. She recognized that it was her wand. It had fallen out of her bag. The smooth surface of her wand's wood soothed her raging senses.

"Hello, Tonks. We were… _talking_ …" came Malfoy's voice.

Hermione felt like she was in some kind of awful trance, her heart racing so wildly against its cage that for a moment, the young witch was afraid it might explode in her chest. Her breathing was shallow as she turned her head to the side to cough for much-needed air as her lungs beseeched sweet oxygen to return to her, her ears filled with the horrible rush of her blood.

On instinct, Hermione felt the fingers of her wand hand curl around its handle, and only then did she dare to twist her body to look behind her to see what—or who—had interrupted them.

It was not a professor, as Hermione had been expecting, having missed Draco's words a second earlier, but nevertheless, someone she was very glad to see again, as Nymphadora Tonks stood in the doorway, glowering at her cousin in such a way that could kill the boy through the sheer force of her piercing gaze.

Her pale gray orbs were flashing deadly, rivaling the metallic sheen of the polished knights' suits of armor in the Great Hall.

Tonks had her wand held out in front of her, though the Auror did not exactly seem agitated as a normal human being would be given the precariousness of the situation she had walked in on.

However, there was something different in the older witch's features. Maybe it was Tonks's kind of silent fury or disappointment. Hermione's eyes flung wide open at this thought. Yes, that was it. It just had to be. Tonks was looking at Malfoy with such an immense disappointment, as though she had expected more of Draco. Her face had paled in shock and outrage.

" _Don't_ say another _word_. Do not speak to me. _Leave_." Her voice was just as calm and stoic as ever, but somehow, in her anger, Nymphadora Tonks seemed much more menacing.

Watching Draco Malfoy's face pale even more as a flicker of fear darted across the Slytherin's eyes as his face twisted in dread brought Hermione a sickening sheer sense of utter delight. " _Go_."

Tonks' voice was clipped and hard, the hint of steel creeping into her normally kind, shy, and quiet tone utterly unmistakable.

When Malfoy made no move to leave the classroom, Tonks took that as her sign to continue. "Do I need to repeat myself a _second_ time, Draco? I really _hate_ saying things a second time. I'll deal with you later, and make no mistake, Professor Dumbledore will be hearing of this, as will your Head of House. Now _get out_."

Draco did not need to be told twice. He shot Hermione a truly withering look, looking as though he had more to say to her, but upon being on the receiving end of a truly admonishing glower that was devoid of any semblance of kindness from his older cousin, he made a beeline for the door, leaving the empty classroom, and Tonks and Hermione behind, causing Hermione to look away with disgust.

The door behind them slammed shut. The noise was loud enough to startle Hermione, making the younger brunette witch jump in response. She had survived a moment alone with Draco Malfoy and had managed to remain in one piece, and yet, she did not feel as though Tonks saved her.

Everything within her still clenched involuntarily in horror. Hermione recoiled instinctively as she felt Auror Tonks coming closer and her blurry vision slowly cleared at the edges as she saw the witch reaching her hand to help a shaking Hermione upright.

She stared at Tonks's hands for a while, at the slightly chipped dark purple nail polish the bright and intelligent witch favored, unsure whether or not her legs would even support her, unwilling to touch another human being at the moment, and especially not one that shared the same blood with her potential aggressor.

Tonks waited in silence for a moment and then decided a change in her approach was necessary as she knelt into a crouch and lifted Hermione on her own, her hands underneath her arms.

Hermione felt her body shudder at the young Auror's surprisingly gentle and tender touch, almost opposing it, even though she knew that Nymphadora meant her no harm at all.

"You're safe now," she stated worriedly, one hand on the small of her back as Tonks gingerly led her towards a nearby chair, kicking it back from being pushed inward under the table by shooting her foot out and latching the heel of her black boot around the leg of the chair. "Here, you should sit down, Miss Granger. Allow me to take a look at you."

But Hermione did not want Tonks' help, she did not want anything in the world except for some alone time, to let her be alone for once in her life, though Tonks seemed to offer no indicator she was willing to let it happen.

"Are you hurt? Did my cousin hurt you? And be honest."

"No," Hermione gasped as her hand instinctively drifted upward to graze over the column of her bruising throat, flinching as Tonks' delicate brows raised at the reddening finger-shaped markings around the young Gryffindor's throat. "N—not much. You got here just in time, Miss Tonks," she whispered hoarsely.

"Just Tonks," Tonks offered kindly, shooting Hermione what she surmised was meant as a kind white smile, though the way her face contorted and twisted, it looked more like a pained grimace.

Tonks merely proceeded to eye Hermione cautiously in silence for what felt like several long minutes as Hermione forced herself to put on some mask of relief or gratitude for Tonks having the insight to come into the classroom when she did, though why the young witch was wandering around the dungeons was perplexing to the young Gryffindor, to say the least, and then, it hit her.

Where were they? In the dungeons, and what did Professor Snape keep nearby in storage? Ingredients for Wolfsbane Potion, if in fact, her suspicions were correct and their new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher was, in fact, a wolf.

Hermione's brown eyes went wide and round with shock as she gaped at Tonks, her body still shivering with the aftermath of Draco Malfoy's would-be assault, the horrors vivid in her mind.

Thank Merlin her lids were dry. She didn't want Tonks to see her cry. Nymphadora always seemed so calm and collected. Stoic.

Tonks's pale gray eyes traveled down her arms, stopping at the outline of her wand that Hermione had hidden up her sleeve.

"You won't be needing your wand, Hermione. I promise, going forward, Draco won't be bothering you _or_ your friends again. At least, not as long as I am stationed within Hogwarts."

"What will you do?" Hermione asked, her voice quiet and slightly quivering. The witch discovered she still didn't have much control over her body as it continued to shake, prepared for another attack, though she knew that Tonks meant her no harm.

"I will talk with him. As I said, he won't bother you again."

Hermione almost—almost—huffed in indignation at the Auror's response. "And talking to Malfoy will be enough?"

"Yes." Tonks's answer was curt and to the point, slightly tested, and Hermione knew by the edge to the older witch's voice, not to press the issue any further. That Malfoy would be dealt with accordingly, at least, according to the Auror's promise.

Hermione's shoulders slumped in defeat as she realized she was not going to get anything more specific out of Draco Malfoy's cousin than that, but perhaps…perhaps that was the clue, the push that she needed to steer the conversation to her advantage.

"Tonks," she began hesitantly, nervously glancing down at her lap and fiddling with her fingers, weaving her fingers in between her white-boned and slightly bruised knuckles. "Can I ask you something?" she asked, biting on her bottom lip in hesitation.

Tonks nodded, knowingly, having already sensed something was on Harry Potter's best friend's mind. "Sure. What is it?"

_Here it goes_. Hermione briefly squeezed her eyes shut in order to compose herself and give herself a minute, blowing out a puff of air before continuing speaking.

"It's, ah, well, about Professor Lupin, Auror T—I—I mean, _Tonks_ ," she stammered quickly, immediately trying to correct herself, and wanting to ask her questions and confirm her suspicions with the man's partner while still being polite.

Tonks, for her part, felt her stomach drop and her knees go weak. She knew from their first initial conversation with each other at the edges of the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest that Miss Granger was a clever witch, intelligent, perhaps the brightest witch of her age, and in a way, reminded her of herself when she was thirteen. Eager for knowledge, with a thirst for learning.

Not many adults, let alone a thirteen-year-old in her third year at Hogwarts, could be entrusted with the weighted responsibility of owning a Time-Turner, Tonks knew this for a fact. She herself would never fully trust herself if given one.

"What about him?" Tonks shot back, immediately feeling her defenses rise and the stiffness in her shoulders begin to mount.

Hermione leaned forward in her chair, a knowing glint in her eyes as she fidgeted with her fingers and asked of the young Auror the one question that she had been burning for an answer to from the moment she had taken one good look at Professor Lupin's boggart in class today.

"Is Professor Lupin a werewolf, Tonks?"


	20. To Offer Comfort

**20**

**TONKS** felt her face drain of colors as she stared at the thirteen-year-old witch across the way, not entirely sure how to react to Hermione's question that she had just posed, though well aware just the look on her face, though there was no mirror nearby that she could see, gave away Professor Lupin's secret.

"I…" she stammered, struggling to think of a retort, biting down on her lip as she turned away from Hermione's quizzical, questioning stare as the girl raised her brows. Tonks squirmed uncomfortably in her seat, at a loss for words, though judging by the look in Hermione Granger's piercing darkening brown eyes, the girl had already reached the conclusion that surely, the rest of Lupin's class had upon seeing his boggart and no doubt had several questions flitting through her mind, if the curious look on the Gryffindor's face was anything to go off of.

Suddenly, Tonks wished the ground beneath her would open her up and swallow her whole. Her eyes went wide, and she felt as though she had been punched in the gut, and she was sure her facial expression mirrored that, too. Tonks swallowed down hard past a lump in her throat as it hollowed and constricted, rendering her feeling breathless as her lungs burned for oxygen.

She turned her head to the side to cough once to clear her throat, as much as to time her time in order to collect her thoughts and formulate an appropriate response, all the while struggling to maintain Professor Lupin's deepest secret. If he had wanted his students to know by now, he'd have informed them, and the fact that he hadn't, suggested to Tonks to stay quiet.

"How—that is a very _serious_ accusation, Hermione, do you have any proof?" Tonks began in what she hoped was a hardened and clipped tone as she swiveled her head back around to regard the young best friend of Harry Potter, whose face fell and became crestfallen as Hermione quickly ducked her flushed head in shame.

When Hermione did not immediately respond, Tonks took that as her cue to steer the conversation in a more appropriate direction away from that of him.

"Are you all right?" she asked in a concerned voice as she turned towards the visibly shaken Gryffindor. "What did Malfoy do?"

"N—nothing," Hermione whispered in kind in a hoarse voice, and she cringed, covering her mouth, and coughing and speaking up, this time in a louder voice and one that seemed to inspire just a tad more confidence. "He _knows_ , too, Auror Tonks. Draco knows Professor Lupin's secret. It—it was obvious today in class. His—his boggart. That would be the _only_ reason he's afraid of the full moon. Draco—he—he told me…not to tell anybody else."

_Oh, my Merlin, oh, my God…_ Tonks swore internally every curse word in the books that she knew at the revelation that her own cousin knew now, too. Surely that would instill a sense of mischief in her wretched little cousin who would grow up to become a sociopath, just like his father if Tonks could not find some way to help the boy channel his anger and aggression towards what she could only presume to be a violent, neglectful life when he was home.

It was no secret that Draco harbored an intense dislike, for reasons unknown towards Professor Lupin, as her cousin always had something to say about the state of his somewhat tattered clothing and thin, emaciated appearance. Tonks quirked a brow Hermione's way as she held out her hand and helped the younger witch to her feet, placing a gentle hand on her shoulders.

"We'll talk about it outside," she murmured lowly, careful to keep her voice low as she pulled the young student closer, so their shoulders touched. "I think a walk would do us both good and…avoid people listening in, yes? I think I need to take you someplace where Draco won't see you. I think that boy needs his space. Malfoy seeing you will only be a danger to you both at this point, even though I think it's safe to say his mind is on other things, at the moment. Besides, you might be okay now, but you're not going to be if you stand next to Malfoy. You'd just wind up in the Hospital Wing if you tried to talk to him right now. Nothing's going to be solved just yet anyway. You and I need to talk. Follow me."

Tonks frowned as she glanced around the first floor of Hogwarts to ensure that no one was listening in to what was otherwise a private little chat. Hermione nodded her agreement.

Tonks let out a haggard smile, though she offered the bright Gryffindor witch with so much promising potential what she hoped was a kind, white smile, though it did nothing to quell the stab of fear that pricked at her heartstrings as now there was perhaps an entire class of third-year students that had witnessed Professor Lupin's boggart for themselves.

Surely, those kids weren't stupid. Gossip among others would circulate, perhaps. Tonks furrowed her brows in a frown and gave her head a curt shake to clear her mind.

"Are you all right?" she asked as she led Hermione Granger out of the dungeons, up the stairwell and wrenched open the doors to the school, and headed towards the Hogwarts Grounds, steering her towards Hagrid's hut.

"I'm okay," Hermione breathed out a shaking breath and then forced a laugh as she glanced up at the older witch out of the corner of her sharp gaze. "A little bit lightheaded…and a little embarrassed, honestly," Hermione muttered as she blushed a bright pink and pointedly looked away from Tonks.

"Don't think like that," cautioned Tonks as she offered the younger witch a soft smile and draped her arm tighter around Hermione's shoulders. "Draco is the one who should feel shame. I can't _believe_ he did that to you. I'm sorry I couldn't get to you sooner. If I would have, I could have stopped it," she grumbled darkly under her breath, her blood boiling at what she'd walked in on. "Did he hurt you?' she questioned for a third or fourth time, looking down her nose at the much-shorter witch with worried grey eyes. "I mean to say, are you able to come away with me? Take a walk? Maybe we'll visit Hagrid. I need to speak to him anyway, to check on the status of preparations for the trial."

Hermione nodded mutely as she allowed herself to be steered away from the castle and towards Hagrid's hut, and away from the likes of Draco Malfoy.

The two witches didn't speak much as the older woman led the younger towards Hagrid's hut, with Tonks not knowing at all what to say to Hermione.

But Merlin's beard and saggy left buttock, they both knew! At this point, she could not help but to feel a strong sense of regret. Not necessarily for anything that Tonks felt she had done wrong, but for the situation in general.

She had been trying to fix things by attempting to calm Buckbeak down, not make them worse, she thought, as Tonks glanced down at her arm in its sling, and would still be for another week or two, according to Madam Pomfrey. And all she had gained for her efforts were bruises and hurt feelings.

Tonks steeled her nerves as she walked ahead of Hermione and towards Hagrid's hut. As she curled her uninjured hand into a white-boned fist and raised it to knock, she shot Hermione what she hoped was a comforting glance and gave the younger witch her best, 'It Will Be Just Fine,' smile, and she hoped it would be. Before Hermione could answer, the moment Tonks brought her fist down against the wood of the door, the familiar booming voice of the Care of Magical Creatures Professor and Gamekeeper reached both of their rushing eardrums.

"I'm comin', I'm comin'!" came Hagrid's deep, rumbling baritone, which earned a light grin from Tonks in response as the door flung open so widely, startling poor Tonks that she faltered backward in order to avoid her head connecting with the door as it swung on its hinges, that she felt her body lean backward and she would have fallen were it not for Hagrid shooting out one of his hands the size of a baby Kneazle and steadying her balance by her shoulders.

Tonks let out a pained yelp of surprise as she felt herself being upright, Hagrid's grip was unusually strong, and she felt sure her collarbones would bruise. She cringed as she could swear she smelled ale spirit on Hagrid's breath.

"Um, is this a bad time?" Tonks questioned, wriggling her brows at the gamekeeper, who looked momentarily surprised to see Tonks and Hermione standing on the front stoop of his home, or more so if Tonks had to hazard a guess, at seeing Hermione not in the company of Ron and Harry for a change.

"Course not, you lot. c'mon in, I was just makin' a cuppa tea, though I got somethin' a little stronger. Brandy, fer medicinal purposes for your arm."

The offer was sorely tempting. Anything to stave off the white-hot jolting flares of pain that continued, despite Pomfrey's best efforts, to shoot up her arm and travel down her backside and to her toes every now and again, but she declined. The hearing was in another two days, and she wanted to maintain a level head.

"No, thank you," Tonks muttered politely, inclining her head as Hagrid stepped aside and allowed the pair of witches to enter into his warm, inviting hut. With an exhausted sigh, Tonks followed Hermione and Hagrid into the half-giant's simple hut and sat down on a small wooden chair that was propped up against the wall.

Things thus far had not gone at all how Tonks had hoped. She could tell just by one look into Hagrid's dark eyes as he plopped into his own chair with such a loud thump that rattled the entirety of his hut, that he too was struggling.

The man had dark purple bags clinging prominently underneath his lids, and the skin around his mouth was stretched taut and tight. He wasn't sleeping, that much Tonks could see. Well. That made two of them.

It did not take an intellectual genius like Albus Dumbledore being present in the hut alongside Tonks and Hermione to tell the witches that Hagrid worried over the outcome of Buckbeak's trial, to which Hagrid and Tonks were both being summoned by the full Wizengamot and School Board of Governors to give full testimony of their account of events.

What happened wasn't her fault _or_ Hagrid's, and Tonks tried to remember that, but she still felt hurt, and in more ways than just her injured arm. Her feelings hurt, for the fact that she had never felt more like a failure than by failing to stop a single hippogriff, and that this was perhaps the second time that a student she liked, the first being Neville, and the second now being Hermione, were both caught in the attention and crosshairs of that of her own cousin.

It did not escape her attention either that Hermione, Merlin bless her soul, at least from what little Tonks could tell, did not seem put off by the fact that her Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor was a fully-fledged werewolf, or if Granger was, the younger witch was good at hiding it. Tonks shot Hermione a silent look, trying to convey as much of her meaning as possible, that the two of them would discuss it on the way back from Hagrid's after visiting with him a bit.

Granger returned the look with one of her own that indicated to Tonks that yes, she understood, and had expected Tonks to bring it up, though what Hermione's reaction would be, Tonks didn't have time to ponder it as she blinked and was jolted back to reality the moment she realized Hagrid had asked of her a question that she had completely missed because she was preoccupied.

"I—I'm sorry?" Tonks asked, biting her bottom lip, staring at her feet as she rested her back against her chair, as she often tended to do whenever she wanted to avoid conversation. She felt so wretched.

She should have been stronger than this, had found a way to immobilize the hippogriff. Draco Malfoy's injury had been far less substantial than hers, yes, and if that were the case, that the brute had attacked just him, perhaps the Board of Governors would go more lenient on Hagrid when Tonks and Dumbledore escorted him to the Ministry.

But considering the severity and extent of her injury, Tonks had no doubt in her mind that the Board members, particularly Lucius, would take one look at her arm, and after listening to her description of events, proclaim Buckbeak dangerous, when in actuality, Malfoy's son had blatantly disregarded his teacher's advice and had provoked the hippogriff to the point where it had gotten insulted.

Hagrid, Merlin bless the half-giant, did not seem to take offense that Tonks had spaced out for a couple of minutes, though he did let out a haggard sigh and plunked what looked like a cup of questionable tea in front of her and Hermione, and Tonks, not wanting to be rude, numbly accepted the beverage.

"I asked ya, Auror Tonks, what our chances are of provin' Buckbeak wasn't in the wrong. Draco provoked 'im, an' Lucius, you can bet ole' Lucius is gonna put up one hell of a fight, considerin' the mess his son's made of the incident."

"Hagrid, I…" Tonks began, her voice trailing off as she tried and felt like she was rapidly failing in her attempts in some way, shape, or form to give the gamekeeper comfort. She did not know what to say or do to him. Tonks did not want to give Hagrid false hope and yet, the half-giant looked so vulnerable, timid. Her heart tightened and constricted to the point where it was almost unbearable. She did not like at all that her own cousin could cause such a reaction out of Hagrid and make such a fuss over a hippogriff scratching his arm.

But hells, her own arm was severely worse off than Draco's, and Tonks had barely complained once, except when Madame Pomfrey had put the bone back in its place with the essence of Dittany, and that had hurt like hell and it had taken both Hagrid and Remus to hold her down, and even then, Tonks had succeeded in kicking the tray of Pomfrey's medical supplies. Tonks winced and sighed. Regardless, Tonks did not enjoy seeing Hagrid so distraught and upset.

"I don't know, Hagrid," she confessed, wanting to hide the truth from the Care of Magical Creatures Professor and yet found she was not able to. "I wish that I could say for certain what I thought the board's decision will be but considering Lucius Malfoy is one of the head members of the committee, it isn't looking good, and we could guess as to the outcome of the trial will be bad…"

Her voice cracked and Tonks forced herself to swallow a lump in her throat as she did not want to meet Hagrid's gaze, and yet, found that the half-giant's piercing dark gaze had pulled her in, and he held such a look of sorrow and utter despair and hopelessness that Tonks and Hermione couldn't bear it.

"It won't be much of a trial, then, will it?" Hagrid barked hoarsely, glancing around his hut disdainfully before his gaze returned back to Tonks as he threw his head back and took a hearty swig of what smelled like Fire Whiskey from an oversize tankard that could have easily served four or five regular human beings.

Tonks reached to her throat, rubbing the back of her neck gingerly as a light pink blush speckled along her cheeks as she thought of an owl from Kingsley that she had received just yesterday morning, saying how Lucius Malfoy was boasting to anyone in the office who would listen that Hagrid would have a chance to prove the creature's innocence by putting the hippogriff to the sword.

While Tonks was still struggling for something to say, Hermione, who had been about to take a sip of tea from one of Hagrid's cracked and chipped mugs, dipped into her school bag and pulled out a pile of books from the library.

"I brought you these," she whispered in a faint, meek-sounding voice. "I thought they might help you prepare for the trial in a few days. Professor," she added, unable to stop the faint smile from curving the edges of her lips upward.

The gamekeeper smiled. "You truly are a remarkable witch, Hermione. Truly misunderstood creatures, hippogriffs are, aye. It's the talons an' claws that unnerve some folk, I reckon," he grumbled darkly, casting a wary glance towards Tonks' injured arm in its sling, a light pink blush speckling along his cheeks.

Tonks waved away his concern with an airy brush of her good hand. "It's fine, Hagrid. We're…past it," she muttered, feeling her resolve slowly return to her, and without waiting for another response from the gamekeeper, she reached across the table for one of the books that Hermione had brought and flipped one open to the middle. "We'd better look to see if we can find anything that might help our defense. The Board isn't taking this lightly, Hagrid," she said.

Hagrid nodded, a grave look on his features as the edges of his beard twitched without prompting. "The—the hearing depends on you, Tonks," he spoke solemnly. "Somethin' tells me the Board won't take me seriously, but _you_ , with your connections an' ties to the Ministry, we might have a shot, Tonks. Beaky and I will forever be in your debt if he—if they…if they pardon him."

"I'll do what I can, Hagrid, but I can't promise anything," she sighed somberly. Tonks offered Hagrid what she hoped was a reassuring smile and she brooded surprise as the Hogwarts gamekeeper showed his cracks to her once again as he fumbled his way through the books over the next hour and a half that she and Hermione spent pouring over countless pages, looking for anything that Tonks and Hagrid could collaboratively use to build a case to pardon Buckbeak.

His despair and hopelessness at fearing what the outcome of the board's decision would be oozed a bitterness that drowned poor Hagrid's lungs, or perhaps that was the copious amounts of ale that he'd downed in two hearty swigs and Tonks felt quite sure she could taste the bitterness on her own tongue.

When Tonks and Hermione stood on the front stoop hours later, the sun had started to set beyond the horizon, she could feel Hagrid's eyes on her arm.

"Where to?" Hagrid asked, his speech slightly slurred, which wasn't at all surprising, considering the man had downed at least six tankards of ale. He swayed slightly as he stood in the doorway, and thank Merlin's beard he didn't topple over, otherwise Tonks and Hermione, even with the use of their magic wouldn't be able to lift the half-giant, considering he outweighed them by a ton.

Tonks dared not move a muscle, though she felt her body stiffen in response. "Back up to the castle. It's getting late, and Hermione needs to head back to the Gryffindor Common, Professor," Tonks muttered after a moment.

Hagrid swallowed and gazed at Nymphadora Tonks's curious, tired eyes and she knew his silent answer just by being able to look into the man's orbs.

Those windows to the soul, a person's eyes, and right now, Hagrid's were laced to the brim with such a sense of disparaging hopelessness that Tonks knew she could not stomach to be around it for a second longer as he thought of the trial she would be accompanying him to in two days. He could smell her fear.

Tonks cleared her throat and wet her lips with an almost drying tongue. She sanguinely turned her head and offered Hagrid her trademark 'everything will be fine' smile as to not give notice to the obvious trembling on the edges of her lips.

Her smile almost slid off her face like Stinksap and she could not keep up this façade for too much longer. Her mind still felt like it was reeling from Professor Lupin's boggart class, and then again, finding Malfoy with Hermione.

She really needed a moment to herself, but then she remembered there was the matter of the young thirteen-year-old Gryffindor standing nervously next to her, that Hermione Granger knew Professor Lupin's secret and to discuss it.

"Well, who am I kidding?" Tonks shrugged coyly, letting out a soft, albeit nervous chuckle before fixing Hagrid with what she prayed was a steady gaze. "We're going to _win_ , Hagrid. I don't know how, but everything will be just fine."

Hagrid nodded, his thick, bushy dark brows furrowing into a frown as he looked beyond Tonks's gaze and back towards the silhouette of the castle.

"You watch yourself, Auror Tonks. Storm's comin', and we best ready when it does," he murmured, the gamekeeper's rough voice pulled Tonks to look at Hagrid with her pale gray almond-shaped eyes wide open, and round.

Tonks quickly nodded and replied with fake enthusiasm that she sincerely hoped the Care of Magical Creatures Professor bought. "I will. No drama, sir…"

And without second thoughts, she hopped off the topmost step of his hut's stoop by bounding forward on the heels of her black boots and offered Hagrid a shy wave, motioning for Hermione to follow her back up to the castle, instantly.

Tonks let out a tired sigh as she could sense Hermione Granger's piercing dark gaze linger on her backside the moment she reached the castle's front steps.

"Yes." Just a single-word answer in response to Granger's question from earlier, and despite Tonks's best efforts to contain her honesty, she couldn't.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Hermione unmoved. She did not know how long Harry Potter's best friend had been staring her, staring at the door as she was. There was no smile on her face. No amusement. No excitement, as her mind processed the weighted gravity of Tonks's answer.

Tonks heaved a haggard sigh through her flaring nostrils as she raked her fingers through her short wavy dark magenta hair as she pondered what to do.

"His business is _his_ , Miss Granger," Tonks heard herself say in a voice that had hardened considerably, and for a moment, Tonks swore she heard her mother Andromeda's voice and not that of her own. "What does it matter that Professor Lupin is a werewolf? The man is more than capable of doing an adequate job teaching you lot, don't you think? In the end, that should be all that matters, Miss Granger. Not what he is or isn't," she asked, unable to keep the note of desperation from seeping into her tone as she lifted her gaze to her.

Hermione nodded brightly. "Absolutely," she agreed, reverently nodding her head. "Professor Lupin is the best Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher we've ever had so far! I won't tell anyone," Hermione promised solemnly.

Tonks frowned and averted her eyes. "Good. But… I need your _word_ on that, Granger. Not even your other friends, Ron, and Harry. No one else can know of this." If Hermione was at all surprised by the nature of Tonks's request, she hid it well, and she quickly nodded. Granger sighed and then looked up at Tonks.

"Tonks?" she asked, looking like she had something important on her mind that she was just dying to say, and if she didn't, she might well burst.

"What is it?" Tonks asked in an exasperated tone, suddenly exhausted, and she wanted nothing more than to return to her quarters, curl up with a book and sleep, but not before downing a healthy dose of a Sleeping Draught to make her drowsy.

"I…" Her voice trailed off as she seemed to be at a loss for words, and Tonks wondered if she was thinking of earlier when Tonks had caught her with Malfoy.

It seemed to take Hermione an eternity to find her voice again.

"Thanks," Hermione mumbled in a low voice so faint that Tonks almost didn't catch it and would have missed it if she hadn't been already hanging onto the thirteen-year-old's words. "For—for everything. For earlier," she said. "Will you promise not to tell anyone about… _that_?" Hermione asked, biting her bottom lip in hesitation as she regarded Tonks with nervous, skittish dark eyes.

"As long as you promise to keep Professor Lupin's secret with me, Granger, then my lips are sealed, I swear I won't tell a soul about it," Tonks agreed, raising her hand and making the sign of the Hail Mary across her heart. "Cross my heart and hope to die.". She did not want word to get around and for people to start treating Remus differently, or for folks to feel sorry for her and start trying to mother her. Hermione smiled and held out her hand.

"Shake on it?" Hermione asked, shooting Tonks a shy, sweet smile.

Tonks was flabbergasted, but reluctantly lifted her hand and shook it. "Yup," she agreed, stifling a yawn with the back of her hand. "Remember," Tonks whispered, lowering her voice. "Not a word, you understand me?"

"Yeah," Hermione agreed, dipping her head as a sign that she had acknowledged and understood Tonks's words. "Goodnight, Auror Tonks."

Without another word, Hermione turned her back on Tonks and wrenched open the heavy oak double doors of Hogwarts, letting the doors shut behind her with a loud bang, leaving Tonks alone on the stoop for a moment.

The daunting centuries-old castle exuded an intimidating aura as Tonks approached the greyed structure. It was strange how the building could look so formidable in the twilight. Every time she stood on the castle steps like she was right now, a certain uneasiness filled her chest and caused it to constrict.

A scattered sigh escaped her cracked lips as she rose her shaky good free hand and rubbed one of her tired eyes as she thought of Professor Lupin and how the two of them had conversed one-on-one in his office after his class.

How he had seemed immensely sympathetic upon hearing the tale of the form behind her boggart, and the man's serene brown eyes like rich cocoa drenched Tonks's memory. She would never have imagined another man besides Ollie Brennan could invoke these almost forgotten feelings, but here, she was. A broken witch, scarred, cracked, taped together at the seams, but still feeling. Of course, these feelings were new, she'd not felt them in a few years, but still, they held a familiar feeling to Tonks, like a distant fond memory, yes.

However, something within her still fought against it. It was inappropriate, what she was feeling for the man. He was ten years her senior, even more than that, considering Remus was thirty-five, and she, only just turned twenty-one.

But underneath her fond feelings for the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor, that man, that werewolf, something dark stirred within her, this 'wrong' feeling that she felt.

Not only did Tonks feel highly unprofessional by having such thoughts of Remus, but a snakelike voice that sounded like Snape's voice, of all things, sat at the back of her mind, laying in a way to torment Tonks.

_You've not learned your lesson at all, have you, Dora? Remember Ollie?_

These intrusive thoughts left the poor pink-haired witch speechless. Her almond-shaped eyes were left unblinking as her breaths caught in her throat.

_What would Ollie say_? A heavy hand found its way to Tonks's face as she dragged her palm down her forehead and alongside her face in exasperation.

She squeezed her tired eyes shut in a vain attempt to block out the hissing, snakelike voice that sounded entirely too much like the Potions Master for her comfort, its mocking tone laced with amusement and judgment, and for a moment, Tonks supposed she wouldn't be surprised if Professor Snape himself, the sallow-faced, greasy-haired pompous bastard, had found a way to utilize his talent as a natural Legilimens and dip into her mind and read her thoughts.

Unfortunately, suffice to say, Tonks was all too familiar with this tone.

_Did you really love Ollie at all? From what it looks like, you've moved one from one wizard to the next_ … " _No_!" Tonks's cracking, warbling voice erupted from her as though she hoped it would be the silencer to the voice.

Her shallow breaths worsened as time passed and her lungs burned, fighting for air.

"Y—you're…y—you're _wrong_. O—Ollie left _me_ … I—I'm happy." Her voice broke on the last word as she carded her one good hand through her short, wavy-chin length hair, pieces of dark pink locks sticky every which way as her fingers entangled themselves in her thick, coarse strands.

The poor witch was practically hysterical at this point. Her lungs burned as the biting air thrashed around her at a speed the Auror simply could not control.

She was sure she would start crying at any moment, as hot tears stung and marred the edges of her vision. Tonks tried in vain to fight down the salty liquid that threatened escape from her lids, praying she wouldn't start crying.

The memories of the day swirled around in her tired mind. Tonks was confused, and utterly lost, unsure of how to process what exactly it was that she was feeling for her partner, but at a minimum, something good came out of it.

The two had finally been honest with one another. She had been forthcoming with Remus about the nature of her relationship with Sirius, and he, in turn, had finally revealed to her the truth of his lycanthropic condition.

_Odd_. Odd was the only word Tonks could use to describe the multitude of occurrences that had transpired in one day. She took a pink curl in her finger to twirl as she thought through the events of her so-called 'odd' day at Hogwarts, though when if _ever_ , was a day at this school, bloody _normal_?

The air outside still felt cool, the breeze brushing over her smooth skin as the man's wary brown eyes from before flooded Tonks's thoughts, and her breaths stifled as her mind wandered to thoughts of Remus unexpectedly.

"Remus." His name left her lips without any thought at all, which surprised Tonks. He was honestly the sweetest man she thought she'd ever met.

She could not stop thinking about his eyes. They were round and brimming with a sense of wonder, and a quiet intelligence that radiated within.

And yet, he was so modest about it. A humble man, which she appreciated, more than Remus could ever know, though she hoped to have the chance to tell him one day. As shocking as his initial appearance was, namely the scars that littered his face, Tonks knew the man had no malicious intent.

Though he was a werewolf, he was not the 'monster' that their society made the poor creature out to be, but still, something within Tonks harbored a twinge of caution towards Remus, and she despised this unhelpful feeling.

She suspected it was her wariness talking from all the terrible stories she had been told of wolves throughout her life, in addition to the fact that the plain truth of the matter was that Sirius Black had once been Lupin's friend.

And it was more than a bit disconcerting, these inappropriate thoughts and wildly suggesting dreams that she had been having of the man, as of late, ever since the night that he had stayed up with her in the Hospital Wing, talking to her, telling her stories of his time as a student here at Hogwarts until she fell asleep.

Tonks let out a tired sigh, shaking her head to clear her mind, glancing over her shoulders as her hand remained hovering over the doorknob, before tugging on one of the sturdy handles, and disappearing into the darkness.

She was smart enough not to allow herself to look back even once.


	21. His Fault

**21**

**SIRIUS** Black stood on the crumbling sidewalk in the middle of the bustling London street, as he had several times before, staring across the way at the demonic accursed little whip, that witless worm, that betrayer, that rat, who had haunted him with what he had done to James and Lily for as long as Black could remember. The rat he had once called 'friend' loomed across the way, leering at them, the city on fire around them.

At any other time, just the blazing inferno alone, the direct causation of the explosion that Pettigrew had caused would have been enough to send his mind insane and in a fully-fledged panic at the innocent twelve Muggle lives Peter had just taken, and at the panic within himself that he hated, always feeling a failure for insisting to Prongs and Lily that they change to Peter as their Secret-Keeper last minute, and look what had happened as a direct result of his insistence.

If it was the _last_ thing he bloody did, if he were to die here today, then he would take Peter with him. Sirius would send the vile rat who had stolen his friends away from him by betraying them to Lord Voldemort straight to the hells below, even if he had to escort the worthless rat there himself. He could live with such a death. If it meant avenging his fallen friends. He had waited for his moment ever since he and Remus had learned the truth, dreamed of it, could practically taste it along the edge of his tongue.

Revenge was now within his grasp, and every muscle in Sirius's body was tense and ready to kill this murderer where he stood as he began to stalk towards where Peter Pettigrew stood, waiting slowly and methodically. His cold, listless stare was fixed solely on the former Marauder as he methodically, slowly, and purposefully prepared to meet James and Lily's murderer, though their deaths were not by Peter's hands, it might as well have been.

He was the one who had insisted, begged, that James and Lily switch Secret Keepers, had implored the pair of his friends to take Sirius at his word, that the Dark Lord wouldn't suspect Peter, and look what had happened. This was _his_ fault.

The guilt ate at his soul just like a rat gnawing at his heart, and what he had done, Sirius could not un-do.

He did not feel like he deserved the love of James and Lily, but even in death, Black clung to them anyways and hung the shreds of his little sanity on it. He shook his head violently to clear it as an abrupt vile bitterness seeped its way into his stomach as he looked at the man who'd betrayed him.

Glowering ahead of him as the sun peaked beyond the horizon and above the skyscrapers of the towering London buildings, his entire being was fixated on this one act: avenging the Potters' deaths and easing the pain of Peter's betrayal and the only consolation Sirius had to assuage his guilt that he was too late to save James and Lily, that their deaths were a result of his insistence that the Potters' switch their Secret Keeper to Peter, was that _he_ would be the one to send him to hell where he rightfully belonged.

If it would send him to Azkaban Prison for this, then so be it. Exhaling shakily through his nose, he clutched the handle of his wand tightly within his grasp and started what felt like the endless walk to Peter.

"Sirius!" A timid and fearful sounding voice choked from out of nowhere behind him, breaking his concentration, and he cursed whoever it was.

_Merlin damn it,_ his brain screeched, his body demanding a release of his pent-up anger and hurt towards Peter in the form of unwanted rage. He had told no one else to follow him, and he thought nobody else in the Order had. But bloody hell, Moony didn't even know he had come here, so who the hell had followed him here…?

Spinning angrily on the heel of his boot, Sirius was ready to unleash wrath so fierce, courtesy of his father's inherited temper, on whoever the speaker was.

He had a job to do, and he was _not_ in a patient mood. He wanted Peter, or Merlin help whoever it was—and then Sirius realized who had spoken his name so softly as he stared into that short, stout, cowering worm's listless eyes as his awareness dawned, hitting him squarely in the chest as though he had been hit by a solid Knockback Jinx.

The blood ran cold in his veins and his breaths caught in his throat, and even Peter Pettigrew seemed alarmed by the presence of another witness to this encounter as his head whiplashed sharply towards the right. For perhaps the first time since he had managed to latch onto Peter's arm when the rat Disapparated and had followed him here to downtown London with the intent of confronting Wormtail over what he had done, terror seized at his heart as a cold chill wafted over his entire body, as just behind him, not even a hundred feet away, sweet Marlene McKinnon's face was staring at him with an expression Sirius Black could only perceive as loathing intermingled with that of intense fear and a sudden nervousness.

"McKinnon! What are you doing?" he bellowed, his pale gray orbs wide with shock. Marlene stared at him from the cracked, broken sidewalk, what was left of it. Her dark hair and face were streaked with bits of dust and ash from the explosion that Peter Pettigrew had purposefully caused, though Sirius could tell by the look of mounting panic within her eyes that she had Apparated too late to hear Sirius confront Peter, to learn that Pettigrew was behind it.

His fellow Order member's gaze was stricken with terror but held an intense resolve. Sirius had seen it on Marlene's face a few times before this. Her face held a determined expression that he had always admired. Marlene McKinnon was a bright young witch who shone so often with a strength that she did not even know that she possessed. But Sirius knew. Merlin's Beard, did he know the truth. He only wished McKinnon could see it for herself. "Marlene," Sirius growled in a low voice that could only be described as a growl, his voice a hoarse rasp. "What are you _doing_?"

"Remus told me back at Headquarters that you and Peter had left," Marlene replied, breathless. Her gaze refused to leave Sirius's eyes and bore deep into his soul in a manner that made him uncomfortable.

"I—"

But Sirius did not give Marlene a chance to finish. "Go _home_ ," he snarled, ensuring the edges of his voice were clipped and hardened. " _Now_."

Any other time, Marlene would have argued, but upon taking one look at the flashing steel in Sirius's pale gray orbs and the hardening of the man's jaw, the young brunette Order member came to understand that whatever was between Peter and Sirius, it was a far greater issue than she could know.

Her nervous gaze flitted from Sirius and back to Peter, who adamantly refused to meet her gaze, which only caused Marlene to furrow her brows.

"I think that Pettigrew is an unstable man and dangerous," she whispered in a low voice so that not even Peter, with his rat-like hearing, could hear her, her words intended for Sirius and Sirius's ears alone, watching and biting her lip as Sirius nodded his head in agreement at her words. "Don't do anything _stupid_ , Black, we need you," she murmured, a hint of fear laced throughout her voice as Marlene wrung her spindly fingers together.

Whatever Sirius had been expecting McKinnon to say, that was…not it. The youngest Black sibling looked up, his gray eyes filled with a sense of wonderment and astonishment as his lips parted as he fought for words.

Yet, when he opened his mouth to speak, all that came out was a strangled attempt at speech. He promptly closed his mouth, feeling like a Merlin-damned bloody fool. Words had always been Moony's strong suit. Not his.

Though Marleen continued speaking, pulling Sirius from his thoughts.

"Please…whatever you're going to do, please be careful, Sirius," Marlene said in a reluctant, timid tone, her words sounding clumsy and blunt as she folded her arms across her chest, her hair blowing in the wind as she cast a nervous glance towards Peter and back to him. Sirius felt a muscle in his jaw twitch as his eyes clouded over and he turned back towards Peter before glancing over to his right slowly to regard the young woman a brief but somewhat affectionate slightly before nodding.

"This won't take long, McKinnon, I promise," he barked hoarsely before stalking towards Marlene, not bothering to look behind him as he heard the familiar crack! of Marlene McKinnon turning on the heel of her shoe to Disapparate to a safe place, which was a good thing. She'd be safe from harm.

They all would, soon enough.

Peter Pettigrew wouldn't harm anyone else.

Sirius stalked down the streets of London by himself, much to the chagrin of McKinnon, and anybody else that had followed her here to see what was going on. This matter was solely between him and Peter Pettigrew. And he wanted the streets long-deserted before Peter could do any more damage.

By the time he reached the other end of the street, Sirius had managed to collect himself, though his rage and anger still boiled hotter than dragon fire in his veins, hotter than any huge Hungarian Horntail could flame. He could not let anyone else get hurt.

"You came," Peter breathed in a breathy voice more than a squeak, his skittish eyes nervous as they flitted this way and that. The smell in the air was changing as Sirius took a deep whiff. He could make out the stench of sweat and the fear pheromones Pettigrew was emitting. And overall of that, the burning fires, plumes of smoke threatening to fill his lungs.

"You _killed_ them…Why, Peter?" His voice was hoarse, rough, and coarse, and he stopped dead in his tracks as Pettigrew's voice broke.

"It was the only way…" Peter's voice was soft and quiet.

Shock jolted through Sirius's stomach at Peter's cold words as Sirius felt his face drain of all colors, what little had been left, and he proceeded to grit his teeth in anger at Peter's claims.

"Your _lies_ get more shameless every time, Peter," he snarled, no semblance of warmth in his voice. " _Shut_. _Up_."

He almost didn't see Peter's jinx coming, though Sirius raised his right arm to his face as a means of defense, half-caught the spell, but had no time to deflect it back to Peter.

Then he fell backward, staggering against a Muggle trash can for support, there was blood in his mouth from where he'd bitten his tongue, and Sirius weakly got to his knees, working his jaw to make sure that Peter hadn't broken it.

Sirius glared at his former friend, his expression taut and tight with rage as a muscle in his jaw and behind his lid spasmed. The hit had invoked within Black something that began to simmer within himself, that he had worked so hard throughout his life to repress, recognizing it as his temper.

" _Why_ ," he growled, raising his wand, and pointing it squarely at his chest. "You _owe_ me, Pettigrew," he snarled.

It sounded as nearly as hysterical to Sirius as he imagined his own words did, and the desperate vehemence in his voice surprised them both. " _Why_?" It was all Sirius could say to Pettigrew as his lungs burned and heaved, gasping for air.

Peter shook his head, and Sirius's anger only flared.

"Tell me _why_ you killed them, you _wanker_ , and I _might_ let you walk away from this alive with the rest of your _fingers_ intact…" Sirius threatened, narrowing his eyes and gazing at the bloodied hand of Pettigrew, where a part of his finger was missing from a skirmish. Sirius fell silent and let his threat hang in the air between them as he waited for his answer.

"Th—the Dark Lord…y—you've no idea of the weapons he possesses, you don't _know_ him. N—not the way I know him," he breathed. "H—he's going to…I—I don't know _what_ he's going to do, b—but I—I didn't _mean_ to," Wormtail wailed.

And with that, Sirius had heard enough. Sirius knew.

Knew it. "You told me the truth," Sirius pointed out as he turned away from Peter for a moment, his entire body shaking with rage as his hands clenched and un-clenched into fists at his sides. The poor man practically had to growl in frustration to resist the urge to kill Pettigrew where he stood.

When he turned back around to face Wormtail, Peter's chubby, tear-streaked face was now obscured in shadow.

_Fitting place for a rat, the dark_ , Sirius thought meanly.

"Why? Why give everything away to me when you _know_ I'll use it against you at your trial in front of the full Wizengamot? What's the point?" Sirius asked, still keeping his wand raised at mid-level, pointed squarely at Peter's chest.

"Because it's _over_!" yelled Pettigrew, as his fear manifested in the form of raw, unbridled anger and Peter, drew his wand so fast, hidden up the sleeve of his pinstriped coat jacket pocket that Sirius cursed himself for having bloody _missed_ it.

Sirius glanced upward, his pale gray eyes widening in shock, though he didn't know why. He should have expected this from a traitor. Before he had any time to react, the short, stouter, fatter wizard moved away and surprisingly, lowered his wand, which immediately set Black's hackles to rise in defense as every muscle within his body tensed, stiffening.

"It's _over_ for _you_ , Peter," Sirius corrected, shaking his head as he straightened his posture, facing his and Moony's friend. The three of them now were all that was left, and that thought was enough to send a painful swell through his chest.

"It's _not_ that easy, Black," uttered Pettigrew, his voice perhaps for the first time since Sirius sought Peter out to confront him revealing pain as he stared up at the handsome dark-haired wizard with pain and hatred in his glistening eyes. "You—you killed James and Lily! How _could_ you?" he shouted, raising his voice to ensure the few stragglers, Muggles by the looks of them, heard and watched as onlookers, waiting with bated breath and equally horrified looks on their faces. "Y—you pushed me to the brink, Black! I—I didn't _want_ to resort to violence," Peter bellowed, raising his wand, and pointing it at Sirius's chest, though his hand shook, and for a brief moment, Black swore he could witness a glimpse of a shadow of regret as it darted across Pettigrew's pudgy face, though just as quickly as it had come, it vanished.

_It's not too late_ , Sirius thought wildly, and thanked Merlin for the opportunity to avenge his and Moony's fallen friends as he raised his wand, intending to blow Peter Pettigrew to kingdom come where the witless wretch stood, and it was only then that he realized something was wrong, and Black would have never noticed it were he not so hyperaware of his surroundings, and his animalistic hearing perked right up.

The silence in the bustling streets of London was eerie, just a split second. Just long enough to cause Sirius to break out in a cold sweat as beads of sweat gathered on his brow.

And then the explosion and Sirius's world went dark—

* * *

Black awoke shrouded in, well… _blackness_ , for lack of a better phrase, with his eyes half-opened and mouth slack-jawed. He shuddered, lifting his head rather sanguinely.

He had let himself slumber in the darkest corner of the Shrieking Shack, the now-empty bottle of Fire Whiskey lying just on the ruined rug where his fingers had dropped it, before he'd fallen into his nightmarish sleep, and he grunted, struggling to sit upright, though his legs were struck with a numb cold as his eyelids fluttered open as he looked around.

Everything in this creaking, moving tumbledown house where they used to come for Moony's transformations was laced with a biting feeling of cold. The bitter chill from the drafty breeze that wafted its way through the open shuttered windows of the Shrieking Shack sent a chill down his spine.

Though not necessarily from the bitter cold, but of memories he would rather soon forget. Those times were done with now. He blinked owlishly as he sat upright.

When Sirius was finally more awake, he rested against the wall of the Shrieking Shack's bedroom, or more importantly, Moony's old room, where he, Prongs, and Wormtail would keep their dear friend, Remus company, as Animagi.

Sirius let out a growl, hating the headaches that followed after he drank himself to sleep, but it was the only way to stave off the voices in his head, hearing the screams of the Muggles as he blacked out.

Waking to find none other than Remus towering over him alongside Frank and Alice Longbottom, all of whom held immense looks of hurt betrayal, only to find Pettigrew's severed finger resting bloodily in his lap.

The only evidence the Wizengamot needed to convict him to a twelve-year stint in Azkaban for it. Moony's face had been the last thing he had chosen to focus on before allowing the Longbottoms to follow their due processes and escort him away to a holding cell deep within the Ministry of Magic, pending his formal trial.

Sirius squeezed his eyes shut. For a moment, he was half compelled to crush his skull against the wall, just to numb the pain. He stood, albeit rather shakily, and with groggy steps, he neared the tin pitcher of water at the edge of a window that looked out, and if he looked close enough, he could see the silhouettes of the various shops of Hogsmeade in the distance.

Finding it empty, Sirius muttered a few choice curse words under his breath and, in a fit of anger, sent it crashing to the hardwood floor beneath his torn and tattered boots, though not before he caught a glimpse of a goblet of water.

Not caring, Black immediately took hold of it and splashed the frigid cold water on his face, the relief unimaginable for a moment. Merlin be damned, but how his mind could twist and warp the truth!

Sirius Black let out a haggard sigh while he slowly felt the burning on his cheeks start to subside. The droplets of cold water played along the edges of his growing stubble around his jawline as he continued to look in a pensive manner out the window.

"He's at Hogwarts, but how to get at you, Peter? You have to come out and play, be a good rat, and let the cat and dog chase you, finish the game you started, Pettigrew," he growled, wondering just how in the seven bloody hells he was going to get to Pettigrew, despite the ginger cat's help from time to time, being so well protected, and he was at a loss.

Not bothering to stifle his growl of frustration, it seemed he was about to share another unpleasant parallel with that of his own brother, Regulus Black, if he were forced to sacrifice that of his own life in exchange to right what was wrong.

But he did not want to think about Reg. _If he ever saw me again, my whole family would bloody murder me_ , and not without cause, Sirius thought bitterly to himself, hating this. _I am the monster they all said that I am. I WILL kill him._

Sirius gave his head a curt shake, hard, and turned away from the window and began restless pacing of the old room.

Back and forth in a repeated motion, he went, until the very heels of his torn, tattered boots left black scuff markings.

His mouth twisted into a grotesque smirk as he gnashed his teeth together in vicious anger as he thought of his baby cousin. How he'd caught Nymphadora Tonks in the Black Lake.

_She could have done me a bloody favor and killed him. She owes me. She had the rat dead to rights in her hands!_

Sirius bit down on his lip as he seized on tufts of his thick, luscious wavy dark hair and tugged on handfuls of it so hard that the roots screamed in protest as he continued his pacing.

"This accomplishes nothing!" he barked hoarsely to himself, as he swung out an arm only for the sleeve of his tattered prison robes to catch on a nearby makeshift clay vase and sending it crashing to the stone floor.

This only succeeded in adding to the escaped prisoner of Azkaban's already fraying nerves, which were barely hanging on by a thread, and wild emotions as he kicked out viciously at a larger fragment, sending it soaring across the room only for it to hit the opposing wall and shatter as Sirius growled.

His breaths were coming in short, ragged gasps, his chest tight and his throat hollowing and constricting. For a moment, as visions of Remus, his cousin, Peter, James, and Lily's faces, flitted through the forefront of his tormented mind, he thought he might actually faint and pass the hell out.

The blood was roaring in his eardrums, positively deafening. The world was just as terrible and awful as it was twelve years ago. No proof that Peter did. But who needs it?

Who needs proof? He picked up the closest thing within arm's reach to throw as his temper surged like wildfire through his veins, igniting his bloodstream hot as dragon fire, and threw it, where the feeble thing crashed against the wall.

His anger swept over him in a vicious, blackening torrent of smoldering fury, and he was of a half-mind to storm up to the castle, disguise as Padfoot be Merlin-damned, and demand to speak to Professor Dumbledore, tell him the truth.

Sirius Black was making a terrible sound which belonged to neither man nor dog, further adding to the rumors that the Shrieking Shack was haunted, and he could have given Moony during his transformations a run for his money with the ungodly screams that were tumbling from his mouth.

A noise of pain and betrayal and utter agony at what Pettigrew had done to James and Lily, and he had been left to bear the inquest and judgment of Pettigrew's own crime.

His strength leaving him, he sank to his knees, not minding the dust and dirt and grim that sank into the material of his prison robes, pounding the floor, wishing he could rip the whole Shrieking Shack apart board by board, wishing he could tear out his own wretched heart. He did not _want_ it.

Anything to make this pain stop, just make it bloody _stop_.

Sirius flung himself against the wall, screaming bloody murder until his voice went hoarse and his lungs beseeched him to take in more air, and he slumped against the wall when finished, panting and gasping raggedly as he carded his fingers through his thick tuft of wavy dark brown locks.

Feeling only slightly better than he did before, he swiped his hair out of his eyes and rose to his feet, toward the window. As he gazed out over Hogsmeade, the shop's lights were dimming as the shopkeepers closed up for the night.

Sirius let out a grunt of frustration. Aye, but if only sleep would come for him as easily as it did to those blokes.

Visions of him would not leave his mind, and he was not soon apt to forget the most unusual scene that flitted through his mind: Moony. In the arms of his own cousin on that bed.

A sight that he'd never thought he would see as long as he lived. Sirius tiredly rubbed at his temples in frustration to relieve the mounting pressure that was causing him to get one hell of a migraine. But this did not help his efforts in the slightest.

Nothing he had done yet had any effect on ridding his mind of the troublesome image, Moony with a young woman.

But not just any witch. His own bloody cousin, for Merlin's Beard! Was Merlin really that cruel to him, to deny him the chance at regaining trust in his old friend, and, from what little he knew of Andromeda and Ted's daughter, perhaps in time, her friendship or at least a kinship by blood?

It would seem so. Sirius ground his teeth together in anger, raking a rather unsteady hand through his hair, a nervous habit of his, almost a tic, whenever he was nervous.

_If I could just get Tonks alone, then maybe…she would see._ The thought plastered as a quiet vibration underneath his skin until the idea began to take root in his mind. It was genius, really, he knew. Sirius shook his head wildly to rid himself of the startling, perplexing image of Lupin in the arms of his cousin as he sluggishly walked towards the door.

Maybe a stroll through the Forbidden Forest as Padfoot would help him forget these old memories. Better than lingering in this place that smelled of death and decay.

A lump formed in his throat as he realized what he needed to do. _Find the cat_. Crookshanks would follow her. He needed to give the cat a task, alongside monitoring the rat, while he waited for the opportune moment to take Peter.

Harry Potter's friend's cat could trail Tonks without being detected. It was a bloody cat, for Merlin's sake. It was no Animagus, he couldn't talk to save his life. She wouldn't suspect, but the fact that his cousin and Moony seemed to be taking a liking to one another was…disconcerting, to say the least. Sirius did not bloody know his cousin well enough.

_She breaks his heart, I break her face_ , he thought meanly. He did not want Moony to put his trust so blindly in the first witch who came along and showed him affection, even if he and Remus were no longer friends, he thought, pained.

He could, at the very least, given all that they had been through, for old times' sake, and to honor the man he once knew, at least ensure this woman would treat her well. A _test_. Sirius let out a hiss as he glanced down at his palm. Without intending to, his nonverbal magic had caused a single white, perfect lily in full bloom to manifest in his open hand.

His glazed eyes looked down at the delicate flower in his hand as with a tired sigh, he looked at it with thoughtful eyes.

He needed some form of reassurance that he could trust this woman, this Tonks. Black closed his strained, heavy eyes as he pressed the flower to his chest. The memories of his dream, of Peter's betrayal, swirled in his throbbing head as his skull ached and pounded, feeling bloody truly fit to burst.

Sirius could not remember the last time he felt so confused and utterly lost, though something, at least, had come out of his little surprise visit to the Hospital Wing.

He had watched, hidden in the thicket of the trees, how Moony hadn't hesitated to rush to the defense of his cousin when she was brutally and viciously mauled by Buckbeak.

Remus cared for Nymphadora, that much was plain, though whether or not the man himself was aware of it, remained to be seen, and there was the simple matter too, that Black was not sure he could trust his own cousin with Remus.

He hated thinking along these lines, but he was merely being cautious, and this gave him an opportunity to seek out Crookshanks and inform the cat of what he wanted of it, then.

Sirius needed to know what Tonks does, where she goes when she's not in Lupin's company, and more importantly…

She needed to be tested. It was the only way he could ensure his own cousin could be trusted. He still held the plant to his fatigued chest as he turned on the heel of his mud-splattered boots to go, though not before glancing back over his shoulders one last time at the old bedroom of the Shack, before tugging on the sturdy handle of the door and disappearing. He knew where he wanted to go.

It was time his cousin was put to the test.


	22. The Grindylow

**22**

**LUPIN** walked purposefully through the hallways of the first-floor corridor, his footsteps echoing off the chiseled marble beneath his feet, pursing his lips into a thin line as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his slightly tattered robes, unsure of why, even now a few days after his lesson on boggarts and his rather uncomfortable conversation with Professor Dumbledore besides, _why_ he could not shake the visions of Nymphadora Tonks from his mind.

How her deep, pleading gray orbs pierced his soul from behind his lids when he closed his eyes to sleep. How she seemed to render his lungs starved for breath, gasping in oxygen whenever he awoke at night bathed in a cold sweat, but it burned them with its purity as his chest heaved for air that simply refused point-black to return to his deprived lungs.

Lupin blinked with disbelief as he halted in his tracks, realizing that his upcoming outing with Tonks was relatively soon.

Another couple of days and the two of them would be spending an entire evening together. _Alone_. Just the thought was enough to send a chill down his spine, though one of excitement, not of revulsion.

The clarity that filled his mind at this revelation was, to Remus, almost astonishing. Although he was enjoying his work as Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor immensely, honored by his new position, he was still greatly troubled by the fact that Tonks seemed to not consider just how important her own life was.

How quick she was to blatantly disregard the rules in order to put someone else before her. She truly was a selfless young witch, and easily the most intelligent of her kind he'd met.

Lupin had spent all of his adult life sunken into a permanent state of melancholia, and then, it was as if Merlin, or perhaps his mother, Hope, Merlin bless her soul forever, had sent him Nymphadora Tonks as a sign.

What he wanted the very most, companionship, for someone to look upon him without a hint of scorn or ridicule, was being handed to him. Had, as a matter of fact, the first night of term when Tonks was appointed his responsibility.

"Mr. Lupin?" A voice, one that he did not recognize, caused his wolfish hearing to go on alert as his ears perked up at the intrusion coming directly behind him. A woman's voice.

Lupin swiveled at the waist, turning, doing his best to conceal his crestfallen expression when he saw it wasn't Tonks, as he had been hoping for, but rather, the witch who had stated she would be stopping by from the Menagerie today to deliver the grindylow he'd ordered.

"Ah," he said cheerily, "Miss Jameson. Excellent timing, I was beginning to worry he might not arrive on time," he complimented, glancing at the healthy and truly fine specimen of grindylow swimming in the tank. "You've outdone yourself this time, miss."

The young blonde witch, an employee of the Menagerie in Diagon Alley, offered a curt nod and, grunting with the effort at the heaviness of the tank in which she had secured the grindylow in, moved inside Professor Lupin's office to set it in the rightmost corner.

"He's a healthy grindylow, sir, I don't think your students will have any difficulties with him, but _do_ be careful, sir. They are known to bite if you aren't careful. I would much prefer not to have owls sent from angry parents saying my grindylow attacked their children."

"Absolutely. By all means. I will ensure he is well cared for and looked after. You've my word," Professor Lupin concurred politely, inclining his head as a show of respect towards the young blonde witch, who, if he was not mistaken, was looking suddenly apprehensive. _Skittish_. _Nervous_. Not wanting to be anywhere _near_ his office.

He was on good terms with this young witch upon learning that she too, was like him, in terms of their shared afflictions when he had sent an owl to place an order for this particular grindylow, though why on Merlin's green earth the young Menagerie employee would be exhibiting such nervous, troublesome behavior in the company of another werewolf when she had nothing to fear, as he did not judge her, bothered him.

"Is there a problem, Miss Jameson?" he asked cautiously, watching as the young blonde werewolf bristled in the open doorway of his office that led out into the empty classroom, and it did not escape Remus's attention that the female werewolf had unconsciously reached up a trembling hand to rub the back of her neck.

"Mmm?" Norah Jameson's head whiplashed so sharply up to regard the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor from where he sat behind his desk, that Lupin felt himself flinch as he swore he heard her neck crack. "Oh, ah, no…nothing…nothing is wrong," she murmured.

Not at all convinced, Remus let out a tired sigh, not wanting to push the Menagerie employee into a response. He did not want to goad her into talking if she was uncomfortable, and yet, considering his increasing dealings with her via owl post as she had provided him with numerous suggestions of Dark creatures that he could use as demonstrations in her lessons, he found that he valued the young witch's input, as well as her advice.

"Very well," he sighed reluctantly, casting an appreciative glance towards the grindylow in the corner.

Norah Jameson's pale features brightened with relief, and she let out the tiniest sigh that would have been inaudible to normal human ears, but because the two of them were both wolves, Remus's ears perked up at the noise, and his brows furrowed in intense contemplation.

As he wracked his brain for something, anything, that he might be able to say that would put the young blonde witch at ease, he found himself strangely at a loss for words, though he recollected something the younger witch had told him once in a passing correspondence that she had mentioned her husband, though not his name, and then it hit him squarely in the chest like a Knockback Jinx, and he felt himself lean back in his chair as the realization dawned on him that the young werewolf with short, shaggy blonde hair that fell to her chin in face-framing wisps and stray strands had what he desired.

A _partner_. A _family_. Children. A normal life. And she was, for lack of a better word, like _him_. Afflicted with this horrible condition…. "Miss Jameson."

The young blonde, who had been about to turn on the heel of her black leather boot to leave him to his musings in peace, hesitated, one hand on the knob of the door, though she became stilled in her movements as Norah hesitated, slowly turning at the waist to look at him with what Remus described as a look of incredulity.

This was, admittedly, the longest conversation the two of them had exchanged, thus far, and in person.

"A moment of your time, if you can spare a minute?" he asked politely, gesturing towards the spare chair on the other side of his desk, motioning for Norah to sit.

Norah hesitated, biting her bottom lip, but sensing that Professor Lupin held no malicious intent in his light brown eyes that were flecked with bits of gold at the edges, just as hers were whenever the full moon neared, she relented and reluctantly plopped into the chair, nervously fidgeting with her fingers before resting her hands in her lap and glancing down at her lap anxiously.

As Norah blearily lifted her gaze to meet Lupin's with no small amount of trepidation in her bright blue eyes, an intriguing thought entered his head. In fact, Miss Jameson's advice could prove quite useful, if she were willing.

"Wh—what can I do for you, Mr. Lupin? Is there a problem with the grindylow I've brought you, sir?" she said, not bothering to conceal the note of unease in her voice as she ceased the absentminded picking of her cuticles and chose to harden her gaze towards Remus.

"How did you manage to succeed, Miss Jameson?"

It took a moment for the blonde werewolf seated opposite him to react, most likely because out of all the things Norah had been expecting the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor to say, this was not one of them.

"Sir?" she stammered, biting her bottom lip, and wriggling her brows at him. "I—I don't understand…succeed with what? Could you, ah, be more specific?"

Though Norah's voice trailed off as a thick, uncomfortable silence lingered in the man's office as her look of abject horror that had drained her face of color soon turned into an expression of bewilderment as she looked across the desk to find the thirty-five-year-old wizard smiling pleasantly at her, a shade of amusement causing his brown eyes to darken slightly, twinkling.

"Your husband," was all he answered stoically.

"E—excuse me?" she squeaked, wanting Professor Lupin to elaborate his meaning when he did not reply. "Forgive me, Mr. Lupin, I know the full moon approaches in another week for the both of us, but I must ask…are you _ill_? I—I'm afraid I don't understand…"

Remus had been expecting the young blonde witch to ask such a question, and he merely stared at the twenty-five-year-old Menagerie employee in response, leaning forward in his chair as he rested his arms on his knees, thinking this was, by far, one of the most awkward conversations he had ever been forced to endure, and thank Merlin and his mother above that it was with her.

He could be relatively safe and assured that, since Norah Jameson was not employed by Professor Dumbledore here at the castle, that what was exchanged between the two of them here and now, would not travel beyond those doors, but just in case… Lupin furrowed his brows as he raised his wand and pointed it at the door.

It was already closed, but it couldn't hurt. " _Muffliato_!" Lupin muttered under his breath, the protective action he had just taken caused the young blonde witch to shirk down into her chair as far as she could possibly go, looking suddenly tense and beside herself with fear.

Nevertheless, the young blonde hardened her features and forced herself to sit upright, if not a little bit rigidly, in her chair, and Norah proceeded to raise her brows at Remus when he offered no verbal explanation.

"I take it to mean by your silence that you're just _fine_ ," Norah murmured, letting a nervous chuckle escape her lips as she replied hastily, becoming aware only after the words tumbled from her lips that she had just answered her own question in regards to her regular customer's well-being. "Mr. Lupin, I—it isn't my place to pry," she began hesitantly, seemingly struggling to find the right words. "But…I suspect something troubles you, enough that you would seek out my help, but…why, sir?"

Despite Norah Jameson's slightly hardened appearance, the young blonde German witch spoke softly, which put Remus's frayed nerves slightly at ease.

He busied himself for a moment by fiddling with a stack of essays on his desk, papers on his vampire essay that he had been put off grading, all while Jameson was staring at Lupin critically, her pale blue eyes narrowing.

As Remus knew he could not ignore the Menagerie employee forever and reluctantly glanced upward to study her reaction, the older werewolf suddenly found himself becoming uncomfortable as if he were being judged, and for all he knew, the blonde witch had formed some silent, unspoken opinion of him just now.

"What makes you say that?" Remus prodded, genuinely curious to know of Miss Jameson's response.

"Well, you…" Norah's soft, quiet German accent trailed off as she hesitated, though she relented upon being on the receiving end of a slightly admonishing look from Professor Lupin, who wanted her to get to the point. "You have a sad look in your eyes. Melancholic. I can only think of one reason why someone would look this way," she muttered, a blush flushing her cheeks.

"And what reason do you think that is, Miss Jameson?" he questioned, sounding as though he were quizzing her on a subject for one of his classes, and not about to confide in her of a very personal matter that he hoped the young blonde werewolf would be able to help him resolve.

He let out a sigh of despair as he was unable to shake the expression of despair on Tonks's face when she had told him the truth of the nature of her boggart's form, and how heartbroken she had looked to hear him confess the truth of his lycanthropy. If that didn't state the obvious, that there was no hope for a man like him, then he didn't know what did. There was no doubt of it.

Tonks had asked him to go with her to Hogsmeade on Saturday. Alone.

Just the two of them. She was quite an intelligent witch, and not at all stupid. She must know that by now, he, at the very least, felt…something for her. Surely, Dora knew that what he felt for her was…what he felt for her was…was…

_Merlin's_ _Beard_. He didn't know exactly _what_ it was that he felt, but _whatever_ it was, it was going to create severe problems for their partnership in the future, yes.

"I'm sensing, judging by the look in your eyes when you looked at my _ring_ just now," she sighed, briefly lifting her left hand to flash a simple plain silver wedding band, "that you harbor unresolved feelings about someone. A witch, I suspect, a young woman," Norah answered, finally deciding to abandon all caution to the wind and just speak what she suspected was true.

Remus cautiously eyed the young blonde wolf for a moment as he laced his fingers together, propping his elbows up on the table and resting his chin on his palms.

"You are quite observant, Miss Jameson, I will grant you that," he replied slowly after a moment, careful to mind his word choice. "I don't know whether they are unresolved or not, but what I can tell you is that I am…struggling to manage them. They would appear to be getting the better of me, and I'm afraid I'm at a loss."

"What are you afraid of, sir? There is nothing wrong with passion, Mr. Lupin, even in…people like _us_ ," replied Norah slowly, prompting Remus to look at her hesitantly. "When it comes to love, there is no point in trying to understand how or why. It just…is. It happens. In such cases like mine, like yours, it's better to just embrace one's feelings, _especially_ for people like us."

"I—I didn't say anything about love?" Remus stammered, a light pink blush creeping its way onto his cheeks as he responded in a blunt manner, standing upright from his chair perhaps a little too quickly, and revealing his alarm at Norah's use of the word 'love.'

The young blonde Magical Menagerie employee merely smiled back at Professor Lupin as he proceeded to stare at Miss Jameson nervously, suddenly not so sure what exactly it was that he wanted the younger witch to help him with, why he was seeking counsel from a woman who was, by rights, essentially a stranger to him, save for their monthly correspondence when he placed his orders for his various classes, so why was she here?

He let out a tired sigh and forced himself, albeit reluctantly, to meet the young blonde witch's icy blue stare that made him feel remarkable as though she held the ability to bore straight into his soul with just a look.

"The young witch in question, Miss Jameson…I do not think she likes me, and….well, do I really need to say it?" he sighed, carding a lock of light brown hair that had fallen in front of his eyes, huffing in frustration. "And I do not think I need to repeat myself when I ask that what is said between you and I does not leave my office?"

Remus was surprised at how rough and coarse his voice sounded as he closed his eyes tiredly, grimacing, wondering all the while if he had made a huge mistake in conversing and choosing to confide in the young Menagerie worker who had just come to drop off a grindylow, and was now giving him personal relationship advice, to someone that she hardly knew.

Norah quickly nodded her agreement. "Yes, of course, sir," she consented, fidgeting with her knuckles. "Regarding this 'woman' who holds your fancy, you don't know that for sure. To try and guess what this person is thinking of you will only send you insane."

"I already feel that way enough as it is, sometimes," Professor Lupin grumbled bluntly, his mind briefly flitting to thoughts of Sirius, wondering if there was any way his life could get even more complex and decided that it was not wise to tempt fate, as he collapsed back down in his chair in defeat, resting his head in his hands. "I know how she feels, this witch that you and I speak of. She might be my partner, a colleague, but I do not think that she…likes me, in that way. She surely must _despise_ me for what I am. I am sure of it," Lupin groaned softly, anguished as he buried his head in his hands, suddenly wishing for nothing more than the floor of his office to open up beneath his chair and swallow him whole.

"You _truly_ hold such a low opinion of yourself, Mr. Lupin?" Norah asked. "People like us are just like everyone else, minus our… _problem_ ," she finished lamely. "We have thoughts, feelings, the same urges, just as much as the next witch or wizard who isn't like us. How do you _know_ that she hates you, this woman?" she challenged hotly as she looked at him, pretending to feign an interest in preening the cuticles of her pink-painted nails, but all while looking at Remus interestedly by way of fleeting, nervous glances before looking away.

"I suspect it," was all Remus could answer through gritted teeth, still keeping his head buried in his hands, actively wanting to avoid the blonde witch's glacier stare.

"Has this woman _told_ you that she detests you, despises you, hates you because you're a wolf, Mr. Lupin?" asked Norah plainly, her voice blunt, her words concise and to the point, as if she were a Healer at St. Mungo's, attempting to diagnose Lupin with an illness.

"No," admitted Remus begrudgingly after a moment in silence to contemplate the woman's question she had just posed to him. "She—she hasn't," Lupin confessed.

"Then you don't know the _truth_ , Mr. Lupin. You plant these false assumptions in your mind of what this woman thinks, and I promise you, the only thing you will succeed in doing is driving yourself mad. You do not know what she thinks, sir, plain and simple," stated Norah Jameson with a casual shrug of her shoulders. "Not until you ask the witch," she said in an alarmingly positive voice that Lupin found rather a bit intimidating.

"Excuse me?" blurted out Remus in a polite voice, almost fumbling and dropping the stack of essays he'd been fumbling in order to give his shaking hands something to occupy them with, as the witch seemed eerily entertained to watch a fellow wolf descend into misery, though not in a malicious way, but teasing.

"You _ask_ the girl," Norah repeated slowly, slowly rising from her chair to stretch her legs, silently signaling to Remus that she wished their conversation to end, and suddenly, Lupin felt guilty for keeping her.

She too, like him, had a job and responsibilities. Responsibilities that he was keeping her from by keeping her here. He let out a sigh and waved his wand, his eardrums twitching as the sound of the lock moving into place to unlock as the door swung open of its own accord reached him, and his wolfish hearing perked up.

"I…appreciate the advice, Miss Jameson, but that's not really an option for me at this point in our relationship."

His voice as he spoke the words sounded strangely ominous and melancholy, before looking away again.

He could just tell by the look in the young blonde witch's eyes that the Magical Creatures expert was thinking he was a damned bloody coward for not telling Tonks the truth.

"Well, then, you've only got one other alternative, and that is for _you_ to let her know the truth."

Professor Lupin nodded politely, though he did not at all appreciate Norah Jameson's judgmental tone, and despite his best efforts, was not able to stop the memory of their horribly awkward conversations both in the Hospital Wing and then again in his office following the incident with the boggart, thinking how both times, they had ended with him scolding Dora for her recklessness.

Narrowing his eyes as he looked towards Norah Jameson as the young witch walked towards the door with the intent to leave, Remus let out a long sigh of exasperation and resignation before looking at her again.

No doubt she thought he must look like a foolish man, a boy, really, with absolutely no experience when it came to matters of the opposite sex, and well…she would be right in that regard. He had never dated before. Lupin furrowed his brows in a frown.

"I—I don't know _how_ , Miss Jameson, b—but I wish that I did, truly, I do," he stammered, feeling the blood rise to his cheeks and his neck sting with heat as visions of Tonks's sweet face flitted through the front of his mind. "I—I mean, yes, I know how to do all this, b—but I can't with this person, she would think me insane if I were to let her know…."

Norah nodded in understanding, though she shot him a sympathetic smile.

"My _point_ , sir," Norah continued, her voice wavering slightly with just a hint of impatience to it as she picked at a loose strand that was coming undone on the sleeves of her black robes, "is that you don't know what will happen or how this witch will respond to your advances, no matter what you do or don't do, Professor. But I don't think that this woman in question, though I don't know her, views you so negatively that she would refuse to at least hear you out."

Remus waited for Norah Jameson to elaborate further, but instead, the blonde Magical Menagerie employee merely stared right back, her gaze unabashed.

Sensing Lupin was not going to respond, she continued, pinching at the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger. "If you can be honest with her, Mr. Lupin, I can almost promise you, it will help you, but…if I could perhaps offer you one bit of advice, sir?"

"Yes," Remus replied quickly, suddenly aware that he had never felt quite so anxious as to hear what another _werewolf_ had to say to him before, but then again, Miss Jameson was the first of his kind to have met a human man and married him, and even had a baby with him.

"You shouldn't try to hide your emotions, Professor Lupin. If you feel nervous whenever you're around her, then let the young woman in question see that, sir. I promise, speaking from experience here for a second, that it will make her feel much more comfortable if the witch sees that you are nervous, as I think she'll be too. We, women, are very complex creatures, sir. Pleasing us takes practice, but if there is one thing I think witches all around the world can agree on, it is that we love to see honesty in a man, sir, as well as charm, of which you have plenty, so you don't need to worry about that."

Norah shot him a kind, bright white smile that Lupin could not help but return.

She had spoken carefully, Remus was quick to take notice of, not wishing to offend him, and he realized this had never happened to him before, him wanting to know his faults so he could fix it.

"Thank you," Lupin murmured gratefully, dipping his head, and folding his hands together behind his back.

"You are welcome, sir," Norah responded quietly in kind, her voice flowing through his office like a kind breeze. "Now, if there is anything else…?" she asked, her voice trailing off as she bit her bottom lip, wanting to leave his classroom so she could return back to her shop.

"Perhaps you would like to meet her? My—the—the witch in question," Lupin muttered, heat springing to his face faster than he knew what to do with, not sure at all where this little suggestion had come from, thinking that he was really pulling out of all of the stops today in terms of wanting to ensure how to proceed with Tonks.

Norah Jameson nodded eagerly, and Lupin's face brightened with relief. Lupin lowered his head reverently as he held out his arm for the young witch to take, ever mindful of his courtesies, and he escorted her out of his office, though not before casting one last glance over his shoulder at the grindylow in the tank.

The young blonde Menagerie employee noticed Professor Lupin and followed his gaze and smiled.

She lowered her voice and Lupin had to stoop slightly in order to hear the witch better, her words were so faint. "I picked the best in stock for your lessons, sir."

Remus smiled kindly. "He shall be treated well, Miss Jameson. I ensure it. I'll send you an owl letting you know how my class takes to them. They enjoyed the kappa's and the boggart from a few days ago," Professor Lupin lightly joked, earning a light little noise from the blonde werewolf that sounded like a cross between a snort through her nose and a giggle from Norah's lips.

"This _woman_ who holds you so captivated," Norah began as the pair walked at a leisurely pace down the corridor so that Lupin could see her to the front doors of the castle, "what is she like? Is it anyone with whom I might be acquainted?" Norah asked, a note of intrigue creeping its way into her thick but kind German accent.

Though before Remus could open his mouth to answer, there was a loud, resounding crash at the rear of the Great Hall as the exterior doors swung open and banged against the wall, and a loud voice echoed along the edges of the wall, yet another that he did not know.

"Where is she?" barked a hoarse, rough sounding voice. Lupin immediately swiveled his gaze to his right and felt his blood curdle and sour with his veins like milk mixed with lemon at the sight of the familiar form of Tonks's boggart stalking down the hallway towards where Remus and Norah remained rooted to their spots.

Except for this time, it was no boggart, no Dark creature that was merely a phantasm of Tonks's worst fear, no.

No, the person storming his way down the hall, his black robes billowing behind him as he moved was very much alive and well, causing Lupin's blood to boil in his veins, as he recognized the towering figure of Ollie Brennan, and then the realization hit him in full force.

_Norah is his_ _wife_. _Oh, Merlin's Beard_ , he thought, right as his eyes went wide and he felt as though someone had punched him in the gut as his stomach churned, and his face paled and turned a shade of green.

The young blonde witch squirmed in response to Professor Lupin's reaction.

She had not wanted Professor Lupin to discover the identity of her husband this way, though she knew if she had said the truth, he would not have conversed and opened up to her about what was ailing him.

Norah tried to look comforting as Ollie approached and gave Lupin her best, "It Will be Fine,' smile, though they both knew it bloody _wouldn't_.

Remus's expression was one of disbelief, and he looked sick as he turned around and found himself staring directly into the questioning gaze of her husband.

This could _not_ be happening. Oh, but it _was_. Lupin stood unmoved, even after Norah managed to detach her arm from Professor Lupin's and had to stand on tiptoe to whisper something into the shell of Ollie's ear.

Lupin could not help but watch as the younger, dark-haired man who had ruined Tonks's life stared at Norah Jameson like the blonde werewolf was a goddess and the man's only wish was to worship at her feet. He blinked and forced himself to pay attention, only catching snippets of what little Norah was saying to her husband.

"…go _outside_ , Ollie, I won't be long, and we'll head back," she whispered in a hoarse sounding voice. Norah waited to speak to Remus again until Ollie begrudgingly nodded, though not before shooting Lupin a scathing, distrustful glower, though Remus swore the man's icy blue eyes softened as his gaze fell on Norah, and he nodded mutely, saying nothing to Lupin in response as the man who had once belonged to Slytherin turned his back, leaving Norah and Remus outside the front doors.

"My apologies," Norah sighed as she reached up with a gentle hand and gave Professor Lupin's shoulder a reassuring squeeze, her burning bright cobalt blue eyes sparking with something Lupin couldn't quite place. "My, ah, husband is very protective of me. You—"

Though before Miss Jameson had a chance to speak further, the sound of a witch coughing lightly to clear her throat causing the Magical Menagerie employee to pull her hand back, as though the touch of Remus's shoulder had burned her, and Norah took a step back.

Lupin spun around to face the source of the interruption, and there, standing directly behind him, was none other than Tonks. A light pink blush crept its way onto his cheeks. Her arms were folded firmly in front of her. Her posture was stiff and rigid, unmoving.

But it was the expression on Dora's normally bright, smiling face that caused the distraught werewolf the most discomfort more than anything else about this horribly awkward, and potentially dangerous situation.

Tonks was looking… _displeased_ , and that observation alone was something of a gross understatement. Her pale features were set in a grim expression, her pink lips a straight line that was not frowning, yet she didn't smile.

Her already pale skin seemed a hue or two lighter, rendering her complexion almost ashen and pallid, making her dark maroon hair stand out violently against her skin. She looked, for lack of better phrasing, quite ill.

As her gaze remained fixated on Remus and Norah, she stiffened and when Tonks did manage to find her voice, he flinched away in antagonizing hurt at how cold and harsh her normally sweet, kind, and shy voice was.

"Am I _interrupting_ something?"


	23. Reassurance

**23**

**PROFESSOR** McGonagall and Dumbledore watched from the entryway to the Great Hall as the tension mounted in front of the front doors seeing their former student, a bright young Gryffindor and also a werewolf, Norah Jameson, come face-to-face with the school's Auror and their Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.

If the air between the three of them would have been color, the entire space by the front door would have been scarlet red. The Transfiguration Professor stood with a hopeful expression resting on her placid features.

The edges of Albus's beard twitched without prompting as this pairing promised to provide as many exciting moments as he had envisioned when he had appointed Professor Lupin the work alongside Tonks.

Professor McGonagall noticed Dumbledore's pensive look and gave her colleague and friend a wide-eyed stare behind the lenses of her simple silver spectacles. "You seem awfully quiet, Headmaster. You do not think this arrangement of theirs will work?" Minerva questioned him in annoyance, furrowing her brows in a slight little frown.

Albus raised his eyebrows and gave Minerva his most innocent 'leave me out of this' piercing icy blue stare, though as his gaze sanguinely swiveled back around to regard the most unusual scene of Tonks' former lover's now-wife conversing in too low a tones with the young witch and his Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor, something in his expression softened and he sighed.

"It _has_ to, the fate of Mr. Black's life depends upon it, as does hers _and_ his," piped up a hoarse, rough sounding voice from behind them, causing the pair of Hogwarts Professors to turn on their heels to see who had spoken.

Minerva made an odd little noise that sounded like a sniff of disapproval as she caught sight of the slightly hunched over form of Professor Trelawney, nervously wringing her fingers together and her eyes bug-eyed and wide and round behind the lenses of her Coke-bottle glasses, her dark brown hair frizzy, wild, and untamed.

Though she was regarding Auror Tonks and Professor Lupin with a strangely calm, serene expression, which immediately set McGonagall's hackles raised and her mood on edge.

Surely, she had already predicted these two's deaths several times over by now.

But as Minerva opened her mouth to speak, Sibyl shot her a truly admonishing glower and pursed her lips into a thin line, folding her arms across her chest and straightening her posture, standing up to her full height.

Not that it made much difference. Both McGonagall and Dumbledore towered over the Divination teacher.

"If anyone has a chance of capturing Black and apprehending the man and bringing him to justice, _they_ can." Her ever-serious eyes giving Trelawney the impression of business-first, and gossip much later.

Professor McGonagall heaved a tired sigh. "Of that, I am confident and sure, Mr. Lupin was the one who knew him best and is the last one left alive of Black's old friends," she agreed, nodding her head as an inclination to show she agreed with Trelawney's statement. "But I was talking about…the _other_ thing…Albus, _you_ know…."

Her voice trailed off as she turned her gaze away from Sibyl and back towards Auror Tonks and Miss Jameson, both witches, particularly Miss Tonks, looked on the verge of tears and though she were about to cry.

The Transfiguration Professor sniffed as she heard the shuffling footsteps of the Divination Professor walk away without so much as a goodbye to the Headmaster and McGonagall, mumbling under her breath about manners and lack thereof in Minerva's case, and by the time Minerva turned back around, Sibyl had tottered off to wherever she took to in order to drink her bottles of brandy and sherry in peace and quiet.

"Humph," she harumphed in frustration. "I am inclined to believe that our fortune teller is out of sorts. At the sherry again, sir."

"You heard what Sibyl said," Albus reminded Minerva gently, not wishing to speak ill of his teachers. "That Oliver Brennan was never supposed to _be_ here. It seems to be Miss Tonks' and Mr. Lupin's destiny to be together, or so Professor Trelawney says. At the Three Broomsticks prior to Miss Tonks' appointment, she saw it. She claimed all they needed was time alone together. The fact that this appears to be a test of some sort is proving…most interesting, but only time will tell what the young woman's reaction towards the wolf will be."

Minerva resisted the urge to roll her eyes, finding it difficult not to laugh a bit at the younger woman's so-called 'predictions.'

"And that the future of Sirius Black depends on _their_ future together, that it would come down to Miss Tonks being forced to make a choice, and when the time came, she would not have much time to make it, that it was a matter of 'life and death," she said.

The Transfiguration Professor sniffed in disapproval and turned back towards the strange scene unfolding before him, fully aware the pair were spying on them like this, and yet, Minerva could not tear her gaze away.

Minerva startled when she heard a mischievous little chuckle escape Professor Dumbledore's lips as a barely audible breath, and she questioned her colleague again.

"What, pray tell me, Albus, do you find so _funny_?" she challenged, feigning hurt feelings, that the Hogwarts Headmaster, a man whom she trusted above all else, was keeping his secrets from her, and not letting Minerva in.

Professor Dumbledore laughed even louder and turned away before the noise could attract the attention of Miss Tonks, Miss Jameson, and Professor Lupin, motioning with a curt wave of his arm for Minerva to follow him, which she did obligingly without question.

"I simply am enjoying watching events unfold, and we are fortunate enough to bear witness to what will otherwise be a life-changing event for your former student, wouldn't you say? I know Professor Sprout was expressing concerns over Miss Tonks' welfare, as well."

Minerva nodded and risked one last glance over her shoulder as the pair disappeared down the corridor, before lowering her gaze to allow the three of them privacy. She was happy that Remus Lupin seemed to be forming a connection with the young witch.

Remus had always been one of her best and brightest students, with really his only shortcoming was that of Potions when he had been enrolled in school, as well as a crushing lack of self-esteem and confidence in what he was, but he was quiet, kind, well-mannered, and polite, and in her mind, Miss Tonks could not have asked for a better partner than Lupin.

She knew that Professor Lupin would protect Miss Tonks, with his own life, if it came to it, though she prayed it wouldn't. He deserved happiness and a little more love in this world, perhaps more than anyone else she knew. Minerva pondered this in silence a moment, before bringing the topic of conversation back around towards Lupin and Tonks.

"Well, one thing remains certain, Albus, since _you_ were the one who set this chain of events in motion, though I'm sure you don't need _me_ to tell you this," Minerva sighed under her breath as she shook her head to clear it. "Over the next few months, they will both either be madly in love with each other, or she will have killed him," Professor McGonagall groaned.

Albus was still laughing as he escorted her back to his office.

* * *

Tonks didn't know _what_ the bloody hell was happening here, by Merlin's Beard, but what she did know, was that she did not like this. Did not like it at all.

What the hell was this _witch_ doing here?! Everything was _not_ fine. Norah Jameson had been standing entirely too close to Professor Lupin for her comfort, and Tonks knew she did not like it and was not at all sure how to articulate her feelings, or if she even _could_ in her current state of mind as she looked upon the blonde werewolf.

Tonks tried in vain to tamp down the feelings of jealousy as her throat hollowed and constricted, but they just kept _coming_ , no matter what the witch tried to do.

She had spotted Lupin in the hallway heading towards the front door with a short blonde witch, who, considering she could only see the backside of at the time, that she had believed to be a sixth or seventh-year student from one of this classes, but the moment the pair turned around saw her standing directly behind them, her blood turned to ice in her veins as she looked.

Her soul began to magnet its shattered pieces back together as she attempted to make a claim at self-repair.

As she looked at the now-wife of the man who had once held her heart before he'd so coldly ripped her own heart out the day Ollie had left her alone under the elm tree, she knew his soul had gone out to Norah Jameson.

And oh, _Merlin_ , she could smell the very poison in the air. Her chest hollowed like a dry brook and her tongue swelled until her pupils widened as her and Norah's gazes met and locked and had a private conversation.

A gruesome chill swept through her as Norah's icy-blue stare hardened, though softened considerably as she took in sight of Tonks's rapidly paling expression.

Norah was every inch a hardened young witch, everything that Tonks was not. Beautiful, slender, no Metamorphmagus powers to hide behind. His _wife_. No emotions dropped from the werewolf's burning bright blue eyes and her lips were sealed tightly shut. Tonks had not heard what the two of them were deep in the throes of discussing, as she had gone to the kitchens to nick a snack from one of the house-elves, Dobby, who claimed to be on good terms with Potter, and to question the little creature on if he had any ideas on how Sirius Black might manage to get in the castle.

Several, as Dobby explained, but Dobby was only willing to speak with Tonks alone, and _after_ hours, as he did not approve of the disparaging looks the other elves were shooting his general direction.

Tonks had agreed and had left the kitchens with a burning feeling in the pit of her stomach, hoping she was one step closer to figuring out just how the bloody hell her cousin got in.

More to the point besides, why hadn't he killed her? Black had her and Remus essentially dead to rights that night in the Hospital Wing unless he had not wanted to draw attention to himself, and thus, he had spared them.

It was these thoughts that continued to puzzle her and set her stomach swooping and churning, which had sent her to the kitchens, hoping the house-elves would let her nick an apple or two, which tended to settle her stomach during times of stress. Tonks had certainly not expected to come back from Hogwarts' kitchens to find… _that_.

When she had come back to the Great Hall and had found Lupin standing in such a close and intimate proximity towards Ollie Brennan's wife, she reacted without fully becoming aware of what she was doing.

Tonks could not quite shake the feeling that someone had doused her in a bucket of ice-cold water, nor could she fight the chill in her bones that rendered her frozen.

What in the bloody hell was _wrong_ with her?

Oh, she could chalk it up to being thoroughly displeased to see her again, as the two had not spoken in quite some time. It was easier that way, better to remain civil and distant with one another than frequent each other's company on a more regular basis, which would only result in Tonks likely wanting to strangle Jameson for who she was.

"Norah, it's...it's good to see you again, my friend," she answered stiffly, swallowing down hard in what she hoped was a cordial and polite enough tone. Oh, gods, she felt so dizzy, so very _dizzy_.

The ground beneath her feet began to feel unsteady, and before she knew it, she wasn't at all able to keep her balance. Her face paled and turned an interesting shade of green as her arm shot out to use the wall as a brace.

She—she was not supposed to _be_ here. If Norah was here at Hogwarts, then that meant… that _he_ was here, too. Tonks swallowed hard as she tasted bitter bile, not sure if she was ready for that particular confrontation.

She had closed that chapter of her life on Ollie when he had so coldly abandoned her and forced her to get rid of it. Tonks did not think she could stomach facing him again for a second time. Not after that. She just…couldn't.

"Dora—" Tonks could see Lupin's lips move but couldn't hear his voice. All sound had been replaced by a horrible, fatigued ringing in her eardrums. Black spots began to dance in her vision, threatening to blind her.

Tonks knew she would faint whenever her stomach gave out. It felt like her innards were being replaced by some horrible kind of black hole, one that she caused.

Then nausea crept from her abdomen to her head, her mind swirling, her breaths shallow, and she pitched forward and stumbled before she fell, with both Norah and Remus grabbing for her arms as Tonks tumbled.

Oh, Merlin's Beard, she couldn't get a good breath in! The last thing she saw before the black spots engulfed and took over her hazy sight completely was Lupin peering into her eyes, trying to get a good look at her, with a concerned, worried expression on his scarred face.

Then, she slipped into a deep, unresponsive sleep, and Tonks lay there in front of the doors of the Great Hall, as still, lifeless as a corpse, barely breathing at all.

* * *

As if this day could not possibly get _any_ worse, surely, it was Fate, that cruel bastard, testing the poor man's limits. " _Tonks_!" Lupin, with speed he did not even know he possessed, rushed forward towards the doors just as his partner swayed precariously on the spot before she collapsed in a heap on the stone floor beneath her feet.

_Hard_. As her head sharply hit the stone, his wolfish hearing her it as her fall created a sickening thud that made both him and Norah flinch away in surprise, as their heightened hearing perked up and they'd heard it.

Remus flinched but placed aside his worry when Tonks failed to get up on her own, which only succeeded in increasing his already agitated state. He knelt beside her, her name still on his lips.

"Dora? Tonks, can you hear me?" he urged, a sinking feeling developing as a pit in his stomach formed, watching in dawning horror as the young woman's pale gray orbs dimmed and flickered before closing. Her breathing had stilled to almost a halt.

Tonks's already pale face drained of all colors, rendering it ashen and pallid, as beads of sweat formed along her temples and started to slick down the sides.

Lupin was so absorbed in watching Nymphadora's rapidly declining health that he did not even notice the young blonde Magical Menagerie employee come up behind him on his left.

Forgetting Miss Jameson completely, he draped Tonks's arm over his shoulder and stood with her, carrying her as best as he could towards the Hospital Wing, careful not to jostle Tonks.

Her arm still bound in its sling, he did not want to further exacerbate her wounds and risk further damage.

Norah, who had been trailing close behind him right on his heels, darted in front of him to draw back the curtain of a spare hospital bed as she called for Madam Pomfrey, alerting the Hogwarts Healer of a new arrival.

Lupin silently nodded his appreciation and then perched himself at the foot of Tonks's bed, reaching behind Dora's head to fluff one of the pillows, hoping that a softer surface would help her. He prayed she wasn't gravely hurt.

He did not know how much more of this he could take. Once he had her settled, Remus's frayed emotions began to catch up to him and a muffled, choked sob threatened to escape from the back of his throat, though he swallowed hard, forcing it back down.

Norah's ears perked up as the distinct sound of light footsteps seemed close. She looked across the Hospital Wing to find Madam Pomfrey, grumbling darkly under her breath and muttering suspicious things like, "…her again…that's _twice_ in the span of a _week_. Preposterous, she can't stay out of trouble for five minutes, look what happens..."

The young blonde werewolf stifled a smile and turned back around the moment she felt the familiar, calloused firm grip of her husband. She did not have to turn to bask in the tension that Ollie was giving off.

_Damn_. _He came, I told him to stay home, but he followed me here and didn't listen_ … Norah stiffened, feeling rather dumbfounded as Lupin looked up, and she swore the man's face paled a shade, though not in fear, but anger.

Sensing the unbidden tension that had seeped its way to the surface, judging by the way Professor Lupin's face paled a shade, Norah knew the man did not like her husband, though she wondered how much Remus Lupin knew of Ollie's history with Tonks. She let out a sigh.

"I'd like to stay with Tonks, the woman is a friend of mine, and someone should be here by her side when she wakes, and _you_ seeing her at this point will only be a further danger to her health, Ollie. Tonks has no quarrel with me, at least…not that I _know_ of," she admitted, and Lupin did not miss the faint hint of melancholia that was laced throughout her voice. "You should go. I'll meet you there," Norah whispered in a surprisingly tender voice, which Lupin thought odd.

Remus nodded, unable to tear his gaze away from his partner the moment he felt Tonks stir, but didn't wake.

Norah murmured something inaudible to Ollie as she rested a gentle hand on the former Slytherin's shoulder and tugged at his arm to pull him away from Tonks' side. Lupin did not see the man who had ripped his partner's heart out with a few harsh, unfeeling words leave the Hospital Wing at the urging of his wife's pleas, but it was a good thing that he did not, as he was unable to tear his gaze away from Tonks's paling form.

Panic rose up in his throat, tightening it and constricting it in a painful struggle until he thought he too, might pass out, and the Defense Against the Dark Professor fought back the urge. The last thing Madam Pomfrey needed right now was someone else to care for.

"Mr. Lupin, you _must_ stay calm." The young blonde werewolf's voice sounded muffled and faint, far away, and yet a hint of hardened still laced throughout her soft German accent that told Lupin he had to listen.

She had provided him with good advice not but a few moments ago in his office, and he saw no reason to doubt the owner of the Magical Menagerie, and yet, Remus could not find it within his heart to tear his gaze away from Tonks' now ashen and clammy face.

A sharp wave of guilt and fear tore through his entire scarred, wretched body as he looked at the still form of the witch.

This was perhaps the first time since becoming acquainted with the vibrant, pink-haired Auror with the white, infectious smile that Remus could recall Tonks ever looking so…vulnerable. Small. Fragile, like china.

As if he were to merely reach out a hand and stroke her cheek with just the pads of his fingers, she'd shatter.

She had already injured herself gravely in the span of a week, was Nymphadora _trying_ to get under his skin and worry him half to death by trying for two times?

Why wasn't he helping Pomfrey? Why could he not move? It felt as though his limbs, his arms, not just his legs, had been hit with a full-bind Jelly Legs Curse.

Madame Pomfrey moved to the left of the bedside, jostling Norah in the shoulder on accident as she made a motion to rest a hand on Auror Tonks' forehead. The experienced Healer began to feel Nymphadora's arms as well, looking for any signs of developing fever and any other moisture other than the sweat on her browbone.

When she had finished, Lupin heard her heave an exasperated sigh as she pinched the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger as she set her wand down on a small night table next to Tonks' bed.

She slowly raised her head and met Remus's panic-filled pale face.

"Professor Lupin, you _must_ listen to me," Madame Pomfrey coaxed in a gentle voice, attempting in vain to get the young werewolf's attention, which was better said than done because the man had not reacted to a word that either she or Miss Jameson had said to Remus at all.

Still, she had to try. The man in a panic would help no one, least of all himself and that of his partner to heal.

"Miss Tonks is fine, sir. Do you hear me? Just _fine_."

Remus's head whiplashed upwards so fast and sharp that Madame Pomfrey had to stumble back in order to avoid her head connecting with this as he raised his eyes to the Head Matron and Healer of the Hospital Wing.

In the light of the ward, both Poppy and Norah Jameson could see for themselves just how pale Professor Lupin's already peaky appearance had gone. This little incident had shaken the man to his core. He narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

" _Explain_ ," he barked hoarsely, his demand coming out sharper than Remus meant to, and both witches flinched away in antagonizing hurt and surprise at Lupin's voice.

Poppy pursed her lips and hardened her expression in response to Remus's slightly wolfish aggression, though considering the full moon was but a few days away now, she would let it go for now, though it did not stop her from replying in a clipped tone to his harsh demand.

"Because Miss Tonks's health is in no apparent danger, Mr. Lupin. Your partner merely collapsed because her body became too taxed from stress. She will wake up in an hour or two perfectly fine, but for now, you need to leave and allow me to work in peace, and for her to _rest_."

Stress. Stress had caused… _this_?! It seemed unfathomable, what had happened, Remus thought, as he returned his attention to his partner lying so still on top of the Hospital Wing's bed that she looked dead.

Though, thankfully, some of her normal color had returned, and thank Merlin for that. Her pale skin held a slightly healthier sheen to it since Pomfrey had started tending to Tonks. Her breathing had returned to normal.

That much, at least, was a small modicum of comfort, Lupin thought, as he tentatively reached out and grasped Tonks's uninjured hand in his, truly in awe of how soft the skin of her palm was, and searing. Her touch burned.

Lupin pressed a finger to her lips and whispered a barely audible plea for Tonks to open her eyes and look.

He refused to think there was a chance that she wouldn't, but the way she had lost almost all of her strength at once was alarming, to say the very least. Dora's hand was no bigger than his own palm. Nothing had changed yet between the two of them and yet, it felt to Remus as though everything had. Nothing was ever so simple especially.

Not even their partnership. "Thank you, Miss Jameson. Madam Pomfrey," he whispered hoarsely across the other edge of the bed to the young blonde.

Norah inclined her head as a sign of respect to him.

"You're welcome, Professor Lupin," the young blonde witch murmured as she followed Lupin's gaze to look over at the pink-haired witch, now sleeping peacefully and oblivious to the two of them gathered by her bedside, unresponsive to Madam Pomfrey's touch. "She is…a remarkable witch, sir. She seems quite taken with you, if I may speak freely with you, Mr. Lupin. You must be very special to Tonks. She does not love so lightly."

Love? _Love_?! Lupin's head came up sharply, thoroughly astonished and quite flabbergasted at her words, though Norah missed it as she had leaned her head back against the headrest of her chair and tiredly closed her eyes while she waited for Tonks to wake up.

Of course, he had known Nymphadora Tonks was someone special, who held a natural gift for being able to look past the exterior and inside a person, to where it truly counted. She had demonstrated this by attending his boggart lesson and not judging him once she learned the truth of his horrible affliction. But what shocked him was that _he_ , Remus John Lupin, a _werewolf_ , could ever be special to the young Metamorphmagus who was his…

Was his…partner yes, friend, he certainly hoped so, but…oh, Merlin's Beard, Norah was right, _damn_ her. But how could he mean anything of importance to someone so pretty and unfailingly kind as Nymphadora?

She deserved to live in the company of a normal man, one not afflicted with this—this horrible, wretched _curse_.

A person who did not have to live in fear once a month of whether or not he would bite and kill another human being. She deserved a man who could move freely about the streets of London and the rest of the world without causing women and men to shirk away in disgust at the sight of the grotesque scars that littered his face once they just caught a mere glimpse of his face?

How could he possibly be worth all that she had to give? Though before Lupin could open his mouth to ponder it, Tonks stirred in her sleep, she didn't wake.

"Ngh…Lupin…don't leave…"

He watched in great surprise and was even more shocked she'd spoken his name in her sleep. And with such heartbreaking tenderness. Lupin inexplicably felt his heart swell and flutter at hearing his succulent voice speak his name.

Even in sleep, she looked… _beautiful_. At least, now that a little more color had returned to her complexion and she no longer held the pallid look of a lifeless corpse. Tonks looked calm, at peace, and though he figured the best thing he could do for Madam Pomfrey at this time, and honor the Healer's request to one visitor at her bedside for the time being while she worked, he would be here for her when she woke up later.

He turned to Norah and breathed out a tired sigh. "I don't think I should stay. One visitor at her side is enough for now, and…" He hesitated, sensing the tension between the two witches, which indicated to him that Miss Jameson and his partner needed to have a private conversation when she awoke, though he was loath to leave her side, he knew it was for the best right now. "Will you alert me if there is any change?" he asked of the Magical Menagerie employee, unable to keep the note of desperation and hope to seep into his tone.

"Yes, of course, Professor, you have my word," Norah murmured, blinking thoughtfully in surprise as the young blonde witch took careful note of the way the older man's light brown eyes sparkled with a certain kind of tenderness, one that she was quick to recognize at the beginnings of affection, perhaps even love, though whether or not Remus Lupin was aware of it, she knew that only time would tell.

Lupin nodded, keeping his gaze fixated on Tonks as he carefully leaned over and whispered softly into the shell of her ear.

"Don't worry, Tonks. I'm not going anywhere. I'll always be here…"

And then, he rose and exited the Hospital Wing, though not before casting one last glance back over his shoulder and shooting Tonks a look of longing, though he did not bother to quell the soft smile that formed on his face as he watched her.

As he turned around and began to make his way back to the office to check on the grindylow Miss Jameson had brought him and grade a stack of essays on his desk that he had been putting off, too preoccupied on his upcoming outing to Hogsmeade with Tonks to think straight, much less see straight, one thought entered in his mind and stayed there.

_I'm glad you're going to be all right…_

* * *

**Ouch. I do love this minor little jealousy subplot, though don't worry, my lovely readers! Remadora always prevails in the end in my stories, but for now, Tonks and a certain lady werewolf have some issues to hash out.**

**Coming up in Ch. 24, Remus has a chat with Harry while waiting for Tonks to wake up, while Tonks talks with Norah and attempts to work through her jealousy issues surrounding her good friend and her ex-boyfriend.  
**


	24. To Make Amends

**24**

**REMUS** had barely set foot back inside his office, collapsing back into his chair, a tired sigh escaping his cracked lips, with the intent of preparing his lesson plans for his sixth and seventh-year classes when there came a gentle scuffling of footsteps outside that caused his wolfish hearing to perk up and go on alert.

_Is it Tonks…?_

Lupin rose, his nostrils flaring as he hoped to pick up the familiar scent of apples, whatever shampoo Tonks used in her hair, thinking that perhaps Tonks had come back after mysteriously fleeing, but instead, he smelled the scent of parchment paper and what smelled suspiciously like a Chocolate Frog.

Intrigued, forgoing any thoughts of lesson planning, for now, he strode to his office's door.

Lupin's face fell, just slightly, though he quickly molded his features into a brief smile, one that he hoped looked genuine, as he found the knocker at his door to be not that of Dora, as he had been hoping for.

Instead, Harry, who held a forlorn and truly quite miserable expression on his face that caused Remus's heartstrings to tug. He really did look astonishingly like James, especially at this moment, so somber and serious.

"Harry. Are you all right? Where are Ron and Hermione?" he murmured in a voice laced with concern as he stepped back from the doorframe and further into the room to allow Harry entry inside his office.

His frustration over his unexpected guest quickly subsided, and Lupin found himself studying James and Lily's son, observing the thirteen-year-old's movements as he glanced with intrigue and curiosity at a captive grindylow Lupin had managed to order a live Grindylow from the Magical Menagerie in Diagon Alley for his classes to study to learn how these creatures operated.

"Hogsmeade," Harry answered flatly in a voice that sounded as though it were on the verge of abrupt bitterness. Lupin's heartstrings gave a gentle tug of pity, though his own mind was still on thoughts of his partner, hoping Miss Jameson would alert him when she woke.

"Ah," he answered in what he hoped was a sympathetic tone, as he moved to sit back down behind his desk. "Well, since you're here, you might as well come in. Please, I've just taken an order for our next lesson. Come in, come in, make yourself at home. Sit."

"Sir, I—I can come back another time if you're busy, but…what _is_ this?" Harry questioned, kneeling down, and peering at the grindylow in its tank, tapping on the glass.

"Nonsense. You're here, please sit down. And to answer your question, that is a grindylow," Remus answered cheerfully as he turned away from his silent observation of Harry to brew a cup of tea. "Water demon," he explained, noticing the furrowing of Harry's dark brows in confusion. "We shouldn't have too much trouble with him, not after the kappas. The trick is to break his grip," he added, gesturing with a jerk of his head towards the creature's fingers before tearing his gaze away and looking around the room, desperate for something—anything—to take his mind off of inappropriate thoughts of _her_. "Can I get you a cup of tea? I was just thinking of making one. All I have are teabags, I'm afraid, but I daresay you've had _enough_ tea leaves?"

Lupin was grateful his back was turned as James's son did not see the soft smile that tugged the corners of his scarred mouth upward as he heard Harry mumble something inaudible in a disgruntled tone under his breath as he plunked his bag by his feet and took a seat.

"How did you know?" Harry asked as Lupin turned around carrying the two steaming mugs of tea in hand, sitting down on the other side of his desk, and placing his own chipped tea mug on a saucer and then reaching across the desk to give Harry his cup. "Was it…?" but his voice trailed off as his brows furrowed in contemplation.

Remus chuckled as he took a sip of tea, flinching only slightly as the beverage burned his throat going down.

"Professor Trelawney's classes have a, ah, shall we say, a bit of a reputation. Word travels fast with her…predictions. Professor McGonagall told me of her prediction. You aren't worried, are you?" he finished, not wishing to speak ill of a fellow colleague, and yet was unable to keep the note of disdain from seeping its way unbidden to his voice.

Sensing Harry's growing discomfort at the subject of Sibyl Trelawney's grim and unnecessary predictions, which were, Remus thought to himself, odious in nature and quite dire most times, he decided a shift in their conversation was in due order.

"No," Harry mumbled in a tone that did not sound entirely convinced. Lupin raised his brows at the boy, but said nothing, thinking he would open up when he was more comfortable and decided not to press him.

"What can I do for you?" Remus heard himself ask, though he had a feeling he already knew why he was here, and his suspicions were correct as Harry, after a moment of silence to try to find the right words, spoke, though he stared into his mug of tea as Harry did so.

"Why didn't you let me fight the boggart in class, Professor?" he asked, his face holding a stricken look.

His mind raced with all of the possibilities of questions that Harry would have asked them, and this was…admittedly, not one of them. Lupin had thought it should have been obvious to Harry. He quirked his brows at James and Lily's son, well aware he was making a face, though he hoped it was coming across as non-judgmental.

"I would have thought it should have been obvious, Harry," he began slowly and cautiously as he attempted to explain his reasoning to the teenager. "I had assumed that it would have taken the shape of Lord Voldemort. I imagined that it would incite a panic…"

Harry looked as though he were struggling to formulate the right words in his mind and compensate for the awkward silence that hung in the air at Lupin's statement by taking a sip of tea before finally speaking.

"I _did_ think of Lord Voldemort at first, but…then I remembered that night on the train with the Dementor."

Lupin felt a surge of affection swell through his chest at the wisdom of the boy's statement, whether or not Harry was aware of it himself, Remus knew he would be.

"I'm impressed. This suggests to me that what you fear the most is fear itself. This is very wise, Harry."

Remus set down his tea mug on its saucer and shoved aside his cup and regarded Harry Potter in silence for a moment. "So, you believe that I did not think you capable of fighting the boggart in class?" he asked shrewdly, wanting to get to the heart of what he felt.

Harry Potter nodded, his countenance shifting, and suddenly, it was as though a light had ignited in his piercing eyes of green that was so like Lily's, that it ached just to look into the boy's eyes, but he forced it.

"Professor, the—the dementors…that night on the train…" Harry started to say hesitantly, though whatever the boy had been about to say next was interrupted by a knock at the door. Lupin glanced up, expecting Norah.

He had been hoping the blonde werewolf would have turned up outside his office again, this time, with news of his partner's condition, but this was not to be the case.

His face fell, crestfallen when it was only Severus carrying another smoking goblet of fresh Wolfsbane.

Remus watched, with no small amount of disdain, as his former classmate's black eyes as pitch-black as lumps of coal narrowed at the sight of Harry in Lupin's office.

Desperate to break the tension, Lupin coughed once to clear his throat. "Ah, Professor Snape. Thanks very much. Could you just leave it here on the desk for me?"

Severus obliged by taking two long strides forward and silently setting the goblet in front of Remus, his eyes curiously wandering from Harry and Lupin.

"I was just showing Harry my grindylow," Lupin commented, his tone pleasant, as he pointed to the tank in the corner, in a further effort to steer the conversation into something that at least resembled civility in front of Harry, not wanting to start a quarrel in front of a student. "A truly marvelous creature, don't you think?"

"Fascinating," came Severus's droll baritone that did not at all sound impressed, without even so much as sparing Norah's grindylow in its tank as a second glance back over his shoulder. "You should drink that directly, Lupin. _All_ of it, and soon," he added darkly, almost as an afterthought, a hint of annoyance in his voice, as though he believed Remus wouldn't drink it all.

Irritated, Remus brushed away Severus's concerns with a wave of his hand, wanting to get the greasy-haired Potions Master out of his office as soon as possible.

"Yes, yes, I will," he said, hoping he could reassure Severus.

Professor Snape pursed his thin, wormy lips into a narrow line and glowered at Remus, folding his arms across his chest. "I made an entire cauldronful. If you should happen to need any more than this dosage."

Lupin nodded in understanding. "I should probably take some more again tomorrow. Thanks very much, Severus. I will owe you one," he added, the corners of his mouth twitching as he met the Legilimens' hard stare.

_Yes, you will_ , he answered in his impossible telepathy, as he turned on the heel of his boot to leave, though the man lingered in the doorway and this time, unlike when he had barged in in the middle of his lesson, he did look back over his shoulder.

_The banshee is awake_ , he commented meanly in their shared way of communicating, that, Remus noticed, was causing poor Harry to furrow his brows in confusion as he stared.

_She was asking for you. I think she and the witch took a walk since she claimed if she stayed in the Hospital Wing a second longer, she would die. If you ask me, she should have stayed there and died, and rid the world and us of her incessant babbling, Mr. Lupin._

Lupin felt his face drain of colors as he had been about to take a sip of the disgusting Wolfsbane Potion, and then pointedly lowered his goblet and looked frustratingly at Severus, narrowing his eyes in suspicion.

_Where did they go? Did she say when she would return? Did Miss Jameson or Tonks tell you this, Snape?_

_That, Lupin, is three questions, of which I am not obligated to answer_ , Severus responded angrily, though Remus caught the shift in the man's countenance as the Potions Master's shoulders slumped, almost in defeat.

_But…if you must know, the two were going to get some much-needed air. I think the time apart will do her good. The she-wolf did not want Tonks running into her mate_ , he growled meanly, referring to Norah's husband.

Lupin silently seethed, gnashing his teeth together in anger at the insult Severus used in describing a female werewolf, thinking he was describing his kind in odious terms, and such a comment was unnecessary, though before he could ask a follow-up question, Severus left.

Remus let out a haggard sigh and reluctantly raised the goblet again, bringing it to his nose and sniffing it.

Harry noticed the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher scrunching his nose and pulling a face of disgust.

Remus smiled, already sensing he was going to ask.

"Professor Snape has very so kindly concocted a potion for me," he explained. "I am afraid when I was a student here, Potions was never my strong suit, and this one is particularly complex." He took a reluctant sip and shuddered as the disgusting, bitter potent mix burned his throat going down. "It's a pity sugar makes it useless. To slip anything into this to make it more tolerable to consume would render it utterly ineffective," he sighed.

"Why—" Harry started to ask, but Remus interjected before James and Lily's son could finish, wanting to conclude their conversation as quickly as possible in order to go and check on his partner, see how she fared.

"I've been feeling a bit…off-color," he began hesitantly after a brief pause in his explanation. The fact that Harry Potter did not know meant that Nymphadora's cousin had in fact, kept his secret, though his reasons for doing so remained a mystery to Lupin.

He continued, sensing Harry was still confused.

"This potion is the only thing that helps. I consider myself fortunate and very lucky to be working alongside Professor Snape, as there aren't many wizards who are up to making it, I'm afraid," he added, a bit melancholic.

Lupin took another sip of the potion. It did not escape his watchful eye that his student had a look on his face of immense distrust, and he made a jerking motion with his arm as though he meant to knock the goblet right out of Lupin's hands, and for that, Remus could not blame him.

"Professor Snape is very interested in the Dark Arts, sir," Harry blurted out unexpectedly while Lupin was in the middle of a deep swig, doing his best not to gag.

But gods be damned, this stuff was truly _disgusting_.

"Really?" asked Remus, looking only mildly interested in Harry's claim as he took another swig of Wolfsbane, wishing with all his might that some Potions master, somewhere, whether it was Snape or not, would invent a way to make the only concoction that helped his condition, taste a little bit better in the near future.

"Some people reckon…" Harry hesitated, and then pressed recklessly on, headfirst into his beliefs on James' sworn nemesis when the two of them had been in school. "Some people reckon he'd do anything to get the Defense Against the Dark Arts post, Professor Lupin."

He should have expected as much, that Harry was bound and determined to hate Severus, having inherited James' old prejudice against him, though as he was in the midst of the last and final hearty swig of Wolfsbane, he had not the time to formulate an apt response to that.

Lupin drained the last of his goblet and pulled a face.

"Disgusting," he moaned, shuddering as a chill wafted down his spine, the only consolation of being forced to consume this potion seven days a week every month was that it made him safe, a harmless wolf, and he could curl up inside his own office and wait for the moon to wane.

Harry looked as though he had more he wanted to say on the matter of Professor Snape, but Lupin, eager to check on Tonks, hoping she would be at the Halloween Feast later on, suddenly wanted nothing more than to see her, and hope the women had been able to come to some small semblance of understanding.

Yet, despite this, he could not quite shake the feeling that what happened to Tonks just outside the front doors had somehow been his fault, though he couldn't have anticipated it.

"Well, Harry, I'd better get back to work. I will see you at the feast later, I'm sure of it," Lupin murmured, his tone thoughtful as he rose from his chair and strode towards the window, the Whomping Willow in his line of sight, and his heart soared as he swore he caught a familiar glimpse of Tonks's bright pink hair.

"Right," Harry said, nervously eyeing the still-smoking, now empty-goblet of what had been Lupin's Wolfsbane Potion, and set down his empty teacup, grabbing his bag that he had plunked by his feet and strode out of his office, with Lupin following at his heels until Harry headed towards the Gryffindor Common Room, whereas Lupin strode towards the front doors.

He had his partner to check on. He could only hope as he flung open the doors of the Great Hall and stepped outside into the brisk October air, that Norah's presence around Tonks was not causing her any further stress…

* * *

Tonks was not sure she had ever been placed in a more awkward situation than this as she walked in tandem alongside the young blonde witch that held her former lover's heart, and, she learned, was soon to be the mother to their first child, not far along, only a moon's turn or two, but it was enough to make Dora uneasy.

The silence between the pair of witches as the women walked the grounds of Hogwarts, not really sure where their legs were taking them, was almost suffocating, but Tonks knew if she spent another second in that Hospital Wing under Madame Pomfrey's suffocating care, it would send her mind insane.

It had been Norah who had suggested the two of them take a walk, sensing the initial tension that Tonks harbored towards her when she'd woken up about fifteen minutes ago.

That two best friends who knew each other so well, as they had when they had been students here, and could once be so honest and open with one another, could now not even speak, and Norah knew it was her fault. She was the one who had created this dark chasm.

A prickling heat caught in Tonks's chest and spread up to her face as she struggled over what to say to her.

"I _should_ hate you, Norah," Tonks answered flatly, much to Norah's chagrin as her voice was numb and listless. Tonks's pale gray eyes never left the edge of the Forbidden Forest as the pair of women stood at the borders, not wanting to enter, yet not wishing to go back up to the castle. "I'd be well within my rights to, Norah."

Norah, who knew that Tonks still harbored unresolved feelings for Ollie and bitterness at what the man had done to her, could only nod in understanding.

"You should," she agreed quietly, looking away from Tonks and managing to detach her arm from Dora's. "You...you have every right to, my friend. But I'd hope that we could move past it."

Madame Pomfrey had finally removed Tonks's injured arm from its sling, and while still quite bruised, it was going to be okay, provided she didn't strain it much.

Norah's heart fell. She knew, deep down, that her friend, well, distant friend these days, considering her relationship with her husband was a man that Tonks had once loved, and she herself almost had a child with, was right to react this way.

What _else_ had she expected?! Just because they worked alongside one another from time to time, when Tonks or someone from the Department of Care and Regulation of Magical Creatures would venture into her shop in Diagon Alley for advice on a particular magical creature, did not make them bosom friends, as much as Norah might wish for it.

She had _no_ right to hope for anything from Tonks.

Norah, once a Gryffindor alongside Tonks when the two of them had been enrolled as students here, had nothing to say in her defense, unable to find her words to speak.

Tonks paused for a moment and then forged ahead.

"I should." She breathed an almost defeated sigh, her lids fluttering closed for a moment as she continued to remain pressed against the bark of the tree for support. "But…I _can't_. You…. you and Ollie….it isn't _your_ fault…"

Norah raised her eyebrows and slowly looked up at the pink-haired young witch. Surely, it was too much to hope that Tonks would forgive her for something that Norah had no control over, and never had to begin with.

Yet, despite her best efforts, Norah hoped for it.

Tonks began slowly, her pace an effort to stem the tears forming behind her eyes and she angrily reached up and rubbed at her eyes with her uninjured wrist.

"When Ollie left me…that night under the elm tree, I—I wanted nothing more than for the ground beneath my feet to open me up and swallow me whole and kill me."

"Tonks." Norah pleaded with the young witch, desperate to try to make her see that she did not harbor any sort of negative feelings towards Tonks for her past history with her husband and she never would. "I—"

But Tonks held up a hand and cut the blonde wolf off before Jameson could open her mouth to speak further.

" _Please_ ," she begged. "Just…let me speak, Norah? I need to say this." Tonks spoke painfully, her breaths coming in gasps promising the sobs that threatened to turn her already quiet voice into a mere whisper. "I have tried to put both of you away in the back of my mind, to make you both a distant memory, but I just can't do it."

Norah nodded in understanding and said as much.

"Do you…do you _hate_ me?" Norah questioned, her voice cracking and faltering as she looked into her once-best friend's gray eyes, both wanting, and _not_ wanting to know what Tonks's answer would be. "I'd understand if you did. I—I would not hold it against you, Tonks," she whispered, turning her gaze away from Tonks. Tonks brought her gaze up to meet Norah's eyes once more, her ashen face was horror-struck and grief-stricken.

"I _should_ ," Tonks confessed. "But I can't. I value our friendship," she whispered in a hoarse, weak voice. "I thought that I wouldn't…see you again," Tonks murmured when the pair of them moved to stand at the edge of the Forbidden Forest as she caught Norah Jameson eyeing these accursed woods with an intrigued look on her face. "What are you doing here, Norah?"

She flinched as she was unable to keep the note of bitterness from seeping unbidden to the surface.

Norah, however, merely shrugged at Tonks's stunned expression and slowly turned her head to regard her.

"I merely stopped by the school to deliver a grindylow for Professor Lupin's next class, Tonks. Nothing more, and nothing less than that. I swear it."

"I see," was all the reply that Tonks could manage to muster in her still somewhat fatigued state as she rested against the bough of an old oak tree for support, not even caring that the bark dug into the back of her shirt.

The young blonde she-wolf turned slowly to look at Tonks with those cloudy, haunting blue eyes of hers, and the Auror suddenly felt rather self-conscious and took a lock of her dark pink hair in her thumb to twirl it as she waited for Ollie's wife to speak to her.

"I heard that your partner, Mr. Lupin, saved you from the hippogriff?" A wry smile appeared on Norah Jameson's face at the look of abject horror on Nymphadora's face as it paled.

"Well, um," Tonks stammered, suddenly feeling quite flustered and not at all sure how to react. "Yes."

As if sensing Tonks's initial discomfort, Norah's somewhat awkward smile widened, and she continued. "Professor Lupin told me had in his letter to me when he placed the order with our shop," she quickly explained, fidgeting with her silver wedding band she wore proudly on her left ring finger. "It was rather _lucky_ that the man seemed to think of you in such a spur of the moment," replied Norah, her blue eyes twinkling.

"Um, yes, very lucky," Tonks replied hastily as she stared uneasily at her counterpart, not sure what to make of Ollie's wife's questioning. "But…why do you ask me?"

Norah paused for a moment, seeming to think over her response. It was a moment before she spoke again. "Doesn't it seem rather strange, wouldn't you say, that he saved your life and has asked for nothing in return? You'd think he would be proud of that, yes?"

Tonks turned to look over her shoulder back towards the castle, where she swore she caught a glimpse of Lupin's familiar tall, lean silhouette coming towards the women, though he if it _was_ him at all, was too far away for her to make out any details of the man's face.

"You should tell him soon, and don't even bother trying to deny it. You care for him. I can see it in your eyes, Tonks. You were always a _horrible_ liar, so please don't start now. Not after…everything," Norah said gently, but firmly, causing Tonks to jump, startled, not having anticipated the young blonde werewolf's quiet words. "Tell me the _truth_. You care for him. For Lupin."

"I—I _know_ ," Tonks swallowed down hard. Clearly, she was still very much nervous about the idea and didn't know-how. "I only hope that he…that he takes it well. He deserves to know the truth," Tonks whispered.

Tonks quickly launched into an explanation of how the two had met on the Hogwarts Express, and how they had become steadfast friends over the duration of the month or so into their new partnership, appointed to one another by Professor Dumbledore.

As Tonks spoke, she did not notice Norah Jameson studying her face, observing with curiosity and amusement how Tonks's eyes lit up and her lips pulled into a soft, white smile whenever she said Professor Lupin's name.

It was a look she had seen on other women before, in her own reflection whenever she thought about Ollie, and it told her everything that Tonks was not saying to her aloud.

Whether Nymphadora Tonks was aware of it or not, she was beginning to grow to care for the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor.

And, seeing the look on her friend's face, now that the pair of women seemed to have worked out their differences as their connections pertained to Ollie, it was more than enough to melt the last of Norah's suspicions towards her friend as they pertained to Remus Lupin.

* * *

**I love Norah a lot. Ever since _Worth the Risk_ , I keep finding ways to sneak her and her partner into most of my HP AU fics, and I'm glad the two ladies were able to make amends. Coming up, Tonks has a strange encounter with someone who seems to know her while taking a walk on the grounds, but can this new person be trusted?**


	25. Strangers

**25**

**THE** evening fell quickly as Tonks, not in a hurry to walk back to the Great Hall despite the rumblings of her stomach reminding her she'd had very little to eat today, walked slowly and methodically at the edge of the Forest.

Norah had left with Ollie long ago, who, thankfully she missed seeing, and quite frankly, after what Ollie did to her, Tonks didn't care if she ever saw the man again, though Norah had claimed the two of them were going to take a brief walk around the grounds before heading back to Diagon Alley to close up shop.

The last vestiges of the setting sun disappeared over the horizon, the copper hues giving way to a dusty purple scattered with the occasional glitter of a faraway star on this Halloween evening. The distant skyline stood silhouetted against a velvety sky, the golden dusk enveloped by the twilight sky.

As Tonks walked, slowly and sure, her thoughts once again drifted to that of _him_.

Of Remus. The man had saved her life from Buckbeak, something that was not to be taken lightly.

She figured the least she could do in order to repay the man's kindness was to stay out of trouble as best as she possibly could, and yet, as the days here at Hogwarts had turned to weeks.

With Buckbeak's trial soon, and then her date with Remus to Hogsmeade the day after that, the rumors had started to circulate about her, and Remus and the students began to suggest that she only remained here at Hogwarts aside from needing to apprehend Black because Professor Lupin held an obvious interest in her.

Some even had the gall to say that she provided more service than just standing guard outside of the various classrooms on all the floors.

This irked her, aggravating Tonks to no end, but she couldn't say that she had not at all been expecting it, really.

Tonks could only feel a sense of gratitude, though she was more than slightly surprised, that despite these rumors, Professor Dumbledore had chosen to keep her on as the sole Auror assigned to protect his school. But as the days passed, it became apparent that she was to remain here, for however long Dumbledore would keep her on.

Tonks furrowed her brows as she leaned her elbows against the railings of Buckbeak's wooden enclosure, not bothering to stifle the small affectionate smile as the hippogriff trotted over to her, much like a proud stallion would, when Tonks bowed toward him. He seemed in a much calmer mood than the last time Tonks had encountered the beast and had quickly proven himself to be quite affectionate.

When given the proper incentive, that is. Tonks's smile widened as she procured an apple she'd nicked from the kitchens and chucked it to Buckbeak, who squawked and shot her a look that Tonks could only surmise was meant as thanks.

"He's quite something, isn't he?" came a voice, causing Tonks to swerve her head around as she heard the unfamiliar tone, an old man's voice, coming from directly behind her, and found two cloudy blue eyes staring up at her with something akin to benign interest.

"E—excuse me?" Tonks stammered, a fiery heat creeping to her cheeks. "Do I…do I _know_ you, sir?" she asked, wringing her hands together and raising her eyebrows.

It was odd. Or rather, the cloaked figure standing in front of her coming to stand beside Buckbeak's pen was odd.

The presumably young man that stood before her sounded no older than thirty-three or four, close to Lupin's age if she had to hazard a guess, but the man appeared to be somewhat hunched over and rather short for a fully grown man.

In height, Tonks had half a foot over the man by way of comparison as he moved to stand beside her. His strange form was adorned with a black hooded woolen cloak which obscured his face and most of his frame. Her eyes widened for a split second. Pale blue eyes, almost gray.

_Like mine_ , Tonks thought wildly.

"You seem…familiar," she began cautiously, raising her brows. "Are you _sure_ we haven't met before?"

"No," the man answered in a tenor-like, quiet voice that quickly pulled Tonks's drifting mind from thoughts of Buckbeak's trial tomorrow and back down to earth. He answered perhaps a little too quickly to be genuine, though Tonks pushed it out of her mind. No point in making a judgment when she did not even know this stranger's name.

At least…not quite yet. The man's strange gaze, though Tonks could make out no details of his face from this distance thanks to the nature of the hood of his cloak that concealed his face, seemed surprised at the way Buckbeak responded to her enticement when she fed the beast the apple she'd stolen.

He watched, seemingly intrigued, though his profile was turned to the side, the hood of his cloak concealing his features, as Tonks soothed the hippogriff with bland hushes while patting its plumage as if she had been its master all along, not Hagrid. She turned with her hands letting go of the hippogriff's neck at the advice.

Tonks eyed the cloaked figure cautiously as he approached.

"He gets pretty cranky when angry. Hasn't been fed since twilight," the man murmured, finally beside Tonks, and placed a hand between Buckbeak's eyes whilst looking at them too.

She was silent, but the man perceived her a good listener or had been struck dumb by his sudden appearance, but neither made her less pretty, the cloaked figure thought appreciatively.

"You know Buckbeak? How? Are you a friend of Hagrid's? What is your name, sir?" Tonks questioned. She watched with furrowed brows as the man wrang his hands in front of him as if he were suddenly nervous.

Tonks stared at the man's profile, and it did not escape her inquisitive attention that the way she was staring at him had seemed to cause a spasm under his skin, but she could not quite shake the feeling as though something about this stranger's sudden arrival, and the fact that he was choosing to remain cloaked, felt off.

It was just a name she had asked, what would make him so doubtful as to not want to answer her questions?

It took him a while before he answered her. "No one. My name is of little consequence, to you, Miss Tonks. You are better off not knowing it."

"You know who I am?" she asked, feeling her hackles rise as Buckbeak nudged her hand resting on the railing of the hippogriff's pen. "How is that? I don't know you."

But the stranger did not seem to want to answer Tonks's questions, as he brushed them away with an airy wave of his hand.

"Call me a friend of Hagrid's, Auror Tonks. I came here looking for another friend of mine, but…"

Here he paused, and his voice trailed off a moment. The stranger pressed on, eager, it would seem to continue.

"It seems I found you instead. And who I am? It matters not if you know me, my name is of little consequence and is immaterial to our current discussion, Auror Tonks," the cloaked figure's tenor-like voice came from beneath his hood. "What matters is _I_ know _you_. And this one," he muttered affectionately as his head swiveled towards Buckbeak. "I heard of what happened with this beast. He mauled you, this poor hippogriff because of a student's arrogance who did not listen to his professor," he snapped. "Your arm," he added, his head giving a strange spasmodic jerk towards her bruised arm. "They will kill him?" the man who identified himself as No One for now answered, at least until Tonks could coax his name from him and learn just what the hell he was doing here, and how it happened to be, that, if he was not affiliated with the castle staff in any way, at least that she could tell, how he happened to know all of this.

Tonks shook her head, her face crestfallen as she let out a tired sigh and rested her elbows on the railing, her cheeks in both her hands as she looked toward Buckbeak.

"I don't know, sir," she grumbled darkly under her breath. "The trial is coming up soon, and I don't feel particularly good about our chances," she said, and as the words tumbled from her lips, she was left with a cold chill that traveled up and down her spine at the thought of whatever the outcome would be of poor Hagrid's trial. "I wish I could say for certainty what the Board of Governors' decision will be, but it's not looking good."

Tonks sighed and glanced back towards Buckbeak.

The hunched, cloaked figure merely grunted wordlessly in response as he made what sounded to Tonks like a disgruntled noise at the back of his throat. "Lucius Malfoy is a man who becomes less and less human every day," the cloaked figure retorted in a thoroughly disgruntled voice, and Tonks, though she knew no details of what this figure looked like, could almost imagine the man frowning beneath his hood.

"You know Malfoy?" Tonks questioned, surprised at this news.

This time, the man really _did_ snort through his nose at her question. "Who _doesn't_?" he challenged by way of response, and Tonks nodded, suddenly feeling sheepish for having asked such a dumb question.

She turned her head back towards Buckbeak and the odd pair stood in silence, resting against the wooden railing of the hippogriff's enclosure, and Tonks could no longer quell her curiosity as she glanced at the cloaked figure out of the corner of her eye, wondering who he was, and what he was doing on Hogwarts Grounds.

"Forgive me for being rude in asking this, but…what are you doing here, sir? What business do you have here at the castle? Are you here with the Board of Governors? Is this about the trial?" she asked in what she hoped was as non-accusatory a tone as she could muster.

Mentioning Hagrid's trial to answer for Buckbeak's attacks against Malfoy and she sent a surge of panic through her bloodstream, igniting it hotter than any dragon could flame.

"Oh," he answered airily in a tone that suggested he did not want to divulge to Tonks just what it was that he wanted, though, after a moment, he continued speaking, which strangely, set her mind at ease. "I was merely coming up to the castle to see if I could have a chat with…an old _friend_ ," he murmured after a moment's hesitation, and it was following his initial hesitation that the shrouded figure began to grow more nervous, and started stammering and tripping over his words. "But…there was something I needed to _do_ first. I—I would use magic, were I _could_ , b—but I—I haven't the inherited ability, you see. Even amongst my own kind, I'm a...a sort of Squib, see. I was looking for a certain type of flower, and someone once told me the grounds along the edge of the Forbidden Forest was the best place to look for it."

The suddenly nervous man stammered over his words, his hands still wringing in front of him. Tonks quirked a brow from observing the stranger's odd behavior. The strange man, though she couldn't explain it if even someone held her at wandpoint, was endearing to her.

Though she could not see his face, she could detect no malicious intent from him by his soft voice.

He jumped a bit at the sudden noise of Buckbeak helping himself to one of Hagrid's pumpkins in his pumpkin patch. Tonks thought it strange but chose to put this behavior towards the back of her mind for now.

"Well, sir, what are you looking for? Perhaps I can help you find one," Tonks murmured, shooting the cloaked figure a kind smile, her chin-length waves briefly tumbling in front of her face.

She could not see much of him, but she did notice his already large blue eyes widen in shock, as though he had not expected Tonks to be so kind. She saw his lips part as if to say something, however, it took him a moment to speak.

"L—lilies." The hooded figure spoke only one word as he took a cautious step back from Buckbeak's pen in a somewhat hesitant manner as he wrung his fingers together. Tonks's smile widened. Her favorite flower.

"Of course." She inclined her head as a show of respect, though it did not stop a playful smirk from snaking its way onto her face, tugging the edges of her lips upward. "For anyone special, Mr…." she enquired in a playful manner, hoping that No One would eventually reveal his name and she could stop calling the man this.

The cloaked man's entire demeanor changed and shifted. "Ah, you can call me Arym, Auror Tonks. A—and n—no! I j—just…." The man's wringing of his large, calloused hands-only worsened. Tonks knew if she could see the mysterious stranger's face for herself, he would be blushing bright crimson, his cheeks flushed.

Tonks chuckled under her breath as she exhaled slowly through her nose before closing his eyes and concentrating, focusing on the image of the perfect specimen of the lily that the strange, hunched man looked for.

"How many?" she pried kindly, opening one eye to peek at the cloaked man, still continuing the odd behavior of wringing his hands together nervously.

He seemed to think that asking for help in acquiring a bouquet of lilies was a burden on her, but this man, whoever he was, could not have been further from the truth. Tonks closed her eyes again and waited for him.

"Just one." His voice was softer now, more subdued.

_Only one_? Tonks's brows came together in concentration. Strange. She breathed out a shaking breath and focused most of her nonverbal magic to magically conjure the whitest lily she could envision, with the fullest petals.

The mirthful witch opened her eyes and stared down at the beautiful flower in her hand. Tonks slowly held her arm out to give the flower over to the cloaked young man, and she was startled to see the chap reaching into the pocket of his cloak as if to give her money as a form of payment for her magic. For some strange reason, something foreign came over her.

" _No_ ," she answered in a clipped tone, waving a dismissing hand. "I don't want your money, sir. Take it."

Her actions were definitely odd for her today. As kind and caring as she was, she was not so quick to easily place blind trust in a man who she did not even know what he looked like.

Tonks had not realized it yet, but the sun had fully set behind her, and it was now dusk. No others were roaming the Hogwarts Grounds, and it seemed to be just the two of them.

Suddenly, before the man could open his mouth to speak, a wild gust of wind blew through the streets. Without any warning, the man's hood was ripped violently from off his head by the brutal Halloween wind. For a moment, the sudden burst of wind startled the young witch, her eyes snapping shut.

After a moment, she regained her composure. "Merlin's Beard!" she swore under her breath, her eyes still feeling slightly unfocused and tired. Curious, Tonks glanced back towards the man as his unusual form finally came back into her line of sight, and her breaths caught and stilled in her throat.

Tonks could not quite believe her eyes, and her grasp around the single white lily stiffened as she gazed upon the figure before her. She did not know what she had been expecting, but for this Squib, to look as he did was shocking admittedly, at first glance.

The first thing Tonks noticed was the man's hands. They had shot up to cover his face before he whirled around to face completely away from Tonks, though not before revealing a bright flash of pale blue-gray from his eyes peeking from between his fingers. With a clear view of the deformed man, a goblin, by the looks of him, and a tall one, at that.

Well. Tall by goblin standards, at least, just barely coming up to her chest at around 5'1, she guessed. His stature was quite small, and his forelimbs stayed over his face as he tried in vain to mask his form and face from Tonks, but it was already much too late for it. The tall goblin's arms shook violently, he was truly terrified. Tonks could see that much.

The Auror swore she heard the pitiful creature let out a mournful whine.

But Tonks was stuck on the goblin's pale gray-blue eyes. _I need to see more of those eye_ s, Tonks thought.

The poor cretin was hunched over in an attempt to shield himself, as though he thought Tonks would try to strike him because of the grotesqueness and shocking impression of his overall appearance.

For several minutes, Tonks simply stared at this poor chap in silence, her feet rooted to the ground beneath her. A wave of sympathy and guilt-wracked through her body as she looked upon him.

This tall goblin, not much older than her, maybe closer to Remus's age, she guessed, was no monster, though she suspected, by goblin standards his height was probably freakish.

Not to mention, he claimed to possess no magical abilities, which would shun poor Arym even further. Goblin or not, he was a creature, a sentient being with thoughts and feelings, and this man had appeared to have lived through a world of hurt and anguish his entire life, but Tonks was not to continue that ridicule.

"Hey…" Her voice was softer than silk as she looked upon the goblin's twisted face without fear or disdain.

The nervous creature's deep blue eyes met her pale gray orbs, his shining eyes filled to the brim with a horrible disdain and dread for her.

For what he feared that she would do to him, rather, would have been a more appropriate way of putting it. Arym's arms dropped slightly in hesitation. "It is all right. You don't have to be afraid of me, sir…."

His wide, glazed eyes blinked owlishly, rapidly, as if the goblin were struggling to process her unexpected words. The creature looked more than shocked by Tonks's kind reaction.

Tentatively, Tonks took a cautious half-step forward and reached out a hand, and gently set it on his shoulder.

She flinched, but only because Arym did so the moment she touched him, and it was only then that she realized her reaction must not be a common one for someone that was essentially a black sheep of his species.

Arym's breath hitched in his throat as he slowly brought his arms down, but of course, his hands almost immediately found their way to rest in front of him in a somewhat defensive position, still quite guarded.

Tonks let out a tired sigh. "Here, I believe you wanted a lily, sir?" she inquired sweetly as she cocked her head to the side and brushed a lock of dark pink hair that had tumbled in front of her eyes in a friendly manner.

She noted how blue the tall goblin's eyes really were, like the blue sky after a fresh rainfall. The poor creature was too nervous to eye her for long. His round eyes darted from her and to the ground beneath his shoes. However, the glances that Arym did see of Auror Nymphadora Tonks up close and personal like this were…really something.

She was gorgeous. Even a blind, bloody _fool_ could see that. He hesitantly lifted his shaking hand towards Tonks's outstretched palm.

After a moment, the goblin finally met her much smaller hand. He cautiously held the stem of the pristine white lily Tonks had nonverbally conjured in his rough palm. Their fingers brushed slightly from the interaction, and neither one of them had expected the sudden touch between them.

They pulled back into themselves quickly, and the blue-eyed goblin glanced from Tonks and towards Hogwarts, parting his lips to speak.

"Th—thank you, M—Miss Tonks," poor Arym stuttered, seemingly trying to find the correct words. "Y—you are very kind," he mumbled, before pointedly looking away as a light pink blush speckled along his cheeks.

Tonks smiled kindly down at the goblin, watching as he straightened his posture and stood to his full height of around 5'1, and for once in her life, she felt quite tall, and this revelation made the young witch smile a bit.

"Anytime." Something else came over Tonks at the moment, and as she looked down at Arym, she was stricken by a sudden wave of sadness. "If you ever come to Hogwarts again to see Hagrid, stop by the first floor Defense Against the Dark Arts Classroom and meet my partner, Remus."

She was really pulling out _all_ the stops today for this poor soul, wasn't she? Tonks chuckled as the goblin's face held a dumbfounded expression and he carded his free hand not clutching onto the white lily she had given him through his thick tuft of wild red curly hair that for a moment, reminded Tonks of Percy Weasley's hair.

Were he not a goblin, he might have been able to pass as a distant Weasley relative, she thought, amused.

A single spritz of a raindrop landed on Tonks's shoulder. Nymphadora looked up at it and both of them eyed upwards to feel the light sprinkling of rain, though as long as it remained, they wouldn't get soaked.

Buckbeak stirred and made an annoyed squawking noise, but it was not of the light drizzle that had started, but someone else quickly approaching. Arym froze, disturbed to have sensed the prickling on Auror Tonks's pale skin, and could see the fine hairs on her neck stand upright. It was as if the pink-haired young witch knew the person looking at her without even having to turn around to face this new arrival, this man.

The pair turned to meet the gaze of none other than Professor Lupin, who was staring at them, though his face hardened, and his gaze met Tonks's with critical interest, Arym was observant to notice. Arym was the first to move and quickly stepped in front of Nymphadora. He inclined his head in a strange acknowledgment.

He had had the stories of this man in the bustling streets of Hogsmeade, outback by the Three Broomsticks, of this Remus John Lupin, this werewolf.

How he was rumored to have been so taken with this beauty before them, he very rarely let her out of his sight, so how in the seven hells Nymphadora Tonks had managed to give the man the slip, was beyond the goblin's ability to comprehend, and yet, he was aware of his courtesies.

"Professor Lupin, I, er, did not know that you would be here," the tall goblin murmured in a polite tone, observant in how the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor startled at how the goblin could possibly know his name when the two had never met, at least, not that Lupin could recollect. But oh, they _had_. Several times...

The much taller, normal man that he addressed gave a curt nod in return, and when Lupin's gaze moved to Tonks, his straight, scarred lips reformed to a kind and tender white smile. But it was obvious to both of them that it was strained, forced. He had the world hiding behind his fake smile.

It could literally be anything. Anything is possible. Was he friendly? Was he bad? Arym thought he would never know behind his fake smile he wore like a mask. The smile Professor Remus Lupin was giving Auror Tonks tore at her in her indecision. But they would never know behind the man's fake smile, and Arym had no time to ponder it as Lupin spoke.

Lupin pointedly ignored the goblin's greeting and addressed her. "Tonks, what are you doing out so late? You shouldn't be outside alone without me," Remus Lupin spoke up in a condescending and hardened tone. "You could get sick, and you need to be well-rested for the trial tomorrow, Dora…" His voice trailed off as his eyes lingered on Arym.

The goblin couldn't be quite sure, but he felt certain he witnessed a hardening of Remus's jaw and a darkening of the man's light brown eyes. Arym noticed how Remus Lupin's sharp gaze traveled from Nymphadora Tonks's gray eyes to her cheek and remained fixated on her lips.

He was sure the school's Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher was captivated, who wouldn't be? Even in just a simple black t-shirt and jeans as she was, just the woman's face was more than enough to bewitch you.

_As it has ensnared this wolf_ , Arym thought, biting down on his lip. _Has the beast been tamed by a beauty, at last? A pretty little dove has tamed the mad wolf within?_

"I wasn't alone, Remus." Tonks's voice was small again. Lupin's eyes strode back to the goblin who had been in her company. "Arym," she whispered, taking a half step forward, wanting to intervene, sensing the mounting tension in the air, "was with me. Looking for Hagrid."

"Of course, he was," Lupin grumbled in a voice that sounded thoroughly off-put by something. Arym's lips twitched as he fought back the beginnings of a twisted, grotesque smirk, but he tampered it down.

Tonks frowned at the sudden hostility in Professor Lupin's voice, raising her eyebrows in alarm as she noticed a hardening of the Defense Against the Dark Art's Professor's jaw and his eyes flashed indignantly.

Though before she could intervene and address it directly with the man, he did not give Tonks a chance to speak as he turned to the goblin.

"I thank you for keeping Auror Tonks company… _Arym_ ," he emphasized the goblin's name, all the while surveying the goblin in a way that was beginning to make him feel rather self-conscious. "She is quite lonely sometimes. My partner needs friends to help her get used to the strangeness of being away from her home and family for so long."

The goblin's mouth, which had been pursed into such a thin line parted, his pale blue eyes stupefied at the possessiveness of his tone.

The full moon approaches next week, he thought, and then it all was beginning to make sense to him. Nevertheless, he forced his expression into one of apologetic shame and inclined his head.

"I—I am sorry, Miss Tonks. Had I known I was keeping you from your duties…it was terribly shameless of me. Can you forgive a forgetful, ugly goblin?"

"You are _not_ ugly, Arym, and it is all right," Tonks immediately cut him off. "I don't mind," she murmured, watching as the tall goblin straightened himself, unable to melt the shock that dribbled on his mind.

Tonks was flushing as well, her cheeks high with color to have placed the forlorn and lonesome goblin in such an uncertain situation, and would have wanted to apologize, but knew it would only drag the tensions between the goblin and the werewolf out that much sooner.

A heavy, uncomfortable silence fell between them and the poor goblin could practically fathom the pressure Professor Lupin gave him.

If it were air, he would have suffocated just by _looking_ at Tonks. The goblin saw how the werewolf raised Tonks's chin with his thumb and forefinger.

"Come back to the castle," Lupin urged, shooting a soft smile at the pink-haired young witch. "I'll take you back from here. I don't want you out here getting sick." Professor Lupin moved his hand from her chin to her cheek, and Arym could sense the stiffening of the young witch's body.

She was reacting rather strangely to the man's touch but did not seem to be necessarily unwanted, but nevertheless, it was still strange behavior. As though the witch were fighting against something and losing.

The wolf did not seem to notice it, however, but the goblin did.

"There's a delicious-looking torte the house-elves have gone out of their way to prepare, I think you're going to love it. Come inside, I don't want you getting sick. Next time you want to go for a walk, come and get me. Are you feeling any better?" he questioned, speaking to her.

He seemed to have completely forgotten Arym's presence, not even noticing the single white lily that the tall goblin cradled in his hands.

"Much," Tonks agreed, nodding her head, though not before glancing back towards the goblin with a quest to defend the creature. "Aren't you coming, Arym? Hagrid will still be at the Halloween Feast if you still wanted to talk to him."

"Mmm?" Arym murmured, who had been glancing down at the pristine white flower in his calloused palm, engrossed in the fact that what the witch had given him was truly a beautiful piece of her magic.

He blushed when he felt the intensity of the werewolf's stare practically burning and piercing a hole through the side of his profile as Arym pointedly turned away and refused to meet their questioning looks.

"N—no, th—that's all right, you two go. I will catch up with Hagrid another time. It's getting late. I don't want to disturb the man."

Tonks nodded in understanding. "I understand, Arym. Well, it was nice to meet you. You have a beautiful name, in case no one's ever told you," she called out and offered her partner a shy smile as the man offered her his arm with the intent to escort her back up to the castle.

Arym blinked hard and fast as his blush crept over his cheeks.

The word 'beautiful' had almost never been directed towards him for…reasons. He was scorned as a creature of darkness. His surname meant it, of blackness, though neither one of them knew that yet. But they would.

He gave a curt nod and turned away, leaving the unusual pair, the werewolf and the Metamorphmagus, to their own devices to get on about their evenings, though as he turned on the heels of his boots to dart into the Forbidden Forest as he pulled the hood of his cloak back up over his misshapen face, Arym swore he saw Tonks look back at him.

Professor Lupin, on the other hand, aimed a look at the goblin that was perilous and, truth be told, somewhat hostile if Arym was being honest with himself. It was a warning as clear as daylight to stay away.

So engrossed were Nymphadora Tonks and Remus Lupin in their own conversation as Lupin grilled the young witch about the status of her physical well-being on their way back up to the castle, that they did not see the goblin slump against the trunk of an old elm tree, sapped of strength, and his features twist and distort until it was _not_ Arym the tall goblin who sat in his place, but rather, Sirius Black.

His gaze looked towards the delicate lily. Sirius rested it in his palm and looked at the flower with thoughtful eyes, before lifting his gaze to focus on the fading silhouette of his best friend and his blood cousin.

His thoughts wandered to Tonks before looking at the flower. Sirius closed his strained eyes, pressing the lily to his chest.

The memories of their initial encounter swirled in his mind. He was confused, utterly lost, but something good had come out of this, though Sirius had hated the deception, having to trick Tonks by using Polyjuice Potion to impersonate a lesser-known patron at the Hog's Head, something of an outcast, and the strangely tall, if not slightly vulgar goblin, wouldn't necessarily be missed or noticed, Sirius knew, and that there had been no other way for him to discern the truth.

That she was not a witch who judged others by their outward appearances, and that one thing was for certain. Moony was utterly smitten by Nymphadora Tonks. He had seen the look in the man's eyes.

And that, he supposed, was good enough for him.

Sirius rose back to his fatigued feet, holding the plant to his slender, tattooed chest, risking one last glance up towards Hogwarts before disappearing into the dark of the Forbidden Forest.

"I look forward to seeing you again soon, cousin."

* * *

**I love Sirius in disguise lol. Coming up, Tonks and Lupin have a nice chat over the Halloween Feast as Lupin attempts to assuage Tonks's fears over the upcoming trial to defend Buckbeak from the BoG.**


	26. At the Feast

**26**

**TONKS** was granted a half-hour to rest upon Lupin escorting her back to the castle following her initial encounter with that unusually tall goblin named Arym who, Tonks couldn't quite place it, but he held a familiar aura, and the fact that she couldn't shake the sense of familiarity of the creature from her mind was somewhat troubling.

The silence of the first-floor corridor was the night dragged on made Dora's blood run cold as the autumnal air crept through her wide-open door to her room.

Though the sound of quietly approaching footsteps brought her heart racing as fast as a hippogriff could take flight.

Tonks looked up from the book she had been pouring over last minute in a last-ditch attempt to prepare for Hagrid's trial, though she was having trouble concentrating, thinking of their date to Hogsmeade the following day.

The idea of spending an entire evening _alone_ with him excited Tonks, and she was pleasantly surprised to see Lupin standing nervously in the doorway, coming to see her.

Tonks thought the man was looking exceptionally well put together in a simple brown suit and white collared shirt underneath.

Tattered and frayed at the edges, yes, but respectable, nonetheless. She wondered if he had changed for her.

Her gaze drifted downward and settled on his white shirt he wore underneath his simple brown suit, the neckline of his shirt hung open slightly to reveal the hollow of Lupin's neck and allowed the young witch the briefest of glimpses of the man's slightly muscular, but scarred form underneath that.

Recognizing she was staring at her partner for longer than was appropriate, Tonks quickly turned her head to the left to hopefully avoid Remus's questioning, piercing stare.

Lupin was looking noticeably embarrassed at having caught Tonks off guard as she set her book down and rose from her chair in the corner.

"Is there something you need, Remus?" Tonks asked.

"My—my apologies, I—I didn't know you were busy. I—I just thought that…." He stammered, tripping over his words. Lupin took a deep breath, closing his eyes before trying again. "I just thought that perhaps you might want to join me in the Great Hall for dessert before Dumbledore takes the last of that truly delectable-looking torte that I was hoping to sample," he began courteously. Flustered, he ran a hand through his hair and fell silent. "Only if—if you want to, this is, Tonks," he said. Lupin let his voice trail off as he awaited her response and shifted his weight from one foot to the other, his gaze darting from left to right, looking at anywhere but at her, Tonks noticed, somewhat affectionately as a small smile snaked its way to her lips.

Lupin fell silent and quickly took advantage of the temporary silence between them to study Tonks's figure.

He was quick to admire the short pale pink lace dress and dark brown leather jacket she had changed into, which offset the tones of her pink hair quite nicely and complimented her already pale skin tone.

It gave her a little bit of color and some warmth rather than making her look peaky.

"You look…" Remus started to say, but the words died upon his tongue before he could finish his thought, and he cursed himself.

_You look beautiful_ , is what he _wanted_ to say, but his courage failed him and even though he tried to form the words, he couldn't.

When he tried to speak, all that came out was a strangled attempt at speech as he stared at her. And her smile.

Merlin's Beard, her white smile. Hers was a brilliantly kind smile that sent his heart fluttering into irregular palpitations that made him feel as though he had butterflies in his stomach.

Tonks was… _beautiful_.

The second he'd dared to enter into the threshold of Tonks's bedroom, it felt as if the whole world around him slowed as he laid eyes on the most beautiful witch his wretched, wolfish sight ever had the pleasure to view.

He knew that as he looked at Dora, he would not make the same mistake as he had with his dear friends.

As he looked at the young witch who rose from her chair and moved to intertwine her arm with his, he knew he would do whatever it took to keep his partner safe.

As long as he was by her side, no further harm would come to Tonks. He solemnly swore it. Her pale skin looked so fragile and soft, cut from the finest of pearls, her cheeks the color of pink roses and fluttering eyelashes longer than anyone's Lupin had ever seen, but he didn't care.

Tonks's dark pink hair seemed to shimmer and glow in the dim candlelight she had been reading by, giving a faint, faint glow to her aura.

Almost angelic, Lupin thought, and for a moment, he wondered inappropriately if the witch was one. Sent to Hogwarts, to _him_ , in order to break him out of his melancholia and vicious cycles of depression as a direct result of his isolation due to the nature of his shameful condition. But…

He could not quite shake the feeling that this woman, was the one who he knew would change the way he viewed his life.

Nymphadora Tonks was a beautiful woman, and he could tell that she felt beautiful within, from the love that she gave to her ideas and the creative ways she managed to express herself.

Dora was one who wrapped her arms around the soul of the world, of all who loved her, respected her, and those who needed love.

That was beauty to the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor, and if others could see that, as he could, then they would be smarter and wiser than most. Finally, he spoke.

"You look beautiful," he managed at last, exhaling a tense breath through his nose as he stepped out into the hall with her. "I—I'm sorry about earlier when you—when you woke. I should have stayed with you, but Miss Jameson said you shouldn't have too many visitors in the Hospital Wing at once."

But to his surprise, Tonks pointedly shook her head, her grip upon his arm tightening. Lupin stared, nonplussed for a moment, before breaking into a shy smile and taking her hand, suppressing a shudder of pleasure that went down his spine at the simple joy of such close contact. She had not flinched.

He could detect no hint of disgust or revulsion in her pale gray orbs, though before he could ponder it further, she spoke.

"It's all right, we're past it. You've nothing to apologize for, Remus. You—you couldn't have known the truth, _I'm_ the one who should apologize to _you_ , Remus," Tonks whispered, her voice soothing to his frayed nerves, a blush speckling along her cheeks as she swallowed hard.

She hadn't exactly been forthcoming with Norah's name when she had told Lupin of her boggart.

"There was…something Miss Jameson and I needed to discuss, but I appreciate your concern. You don't need to always worry about me so much, Remus," she added, almost as an afterthought, wriggling her brows at him in what Lupin thought was a truly adorable way. "I can fend for myself."

"But you shouldn't _have_ to," responded Remus, almost sounding angry now, though Tonks knew it was not at her.

She knew he was angry, that the man blamed himself for not always being there to protect her. Though the man's next words sent her blood to ice in her veins.

"Never again, Tonks."

Lupin nodded, pausing just outside the Great Hall, though neither one made the move to cross the threshold into the massive dining hall, where the Halloween Feast was taking place.

He wanted more time in his mind to linger for a moment, just to save his partner's aura, her infectious laughter, her beauty, and the bewitching smile that was currently holding him captive.

Growing nervous, he knew he had to say what was on his mind before he lost his chance.

"I—th—there was something that I…wanted to talk to you about, Tonks. I was going to wait but considering you and I are spending the day together in Hogsmeade after Hagrid's trial, I don't think I can wait."

Tonks inclined her head, her smile faltering slightly at the growing look of panic in the werewolf's light brown orbs.

"Of course. _Professor_ ," she added, the moment a student accidentally brushed by them, jostling Tonks slightly in the process.

She noticed out of the corner of her eyes how Lupin shot the fourth-year Ravenclaw a withering look for the jab.

Sensing that Lupin was still nervous, Tonks hoped to assuage the man's nerves by offering what reassurance she could.

"I hope that you know you can tell me anything. As your partner, whatever you and I say remains confidential," she began, hoping to put whatever was bothering him at ease. "I know that you and I don't know each other well enough, yet, Remus, at least well as we should," Tonks added, disgruntled, scrunching her nose in disgust as she craned her neck up to look her partner in the eyes, who held a dumbfounded expression at her words, as though Lupin wasn't quite sure how to react. "But I aim to change that soon. I'd have not asked you to come with me to Hogsmeade if I wasn't interested in getting to know you."

He nodded, though it didn't escape Tonks's attentions that his face had paled and turned a rather interesting shade of green.

Beads of sweat had started to form along the edges of his front temples.

"I…" he cringed, hesitating he had to bring up such an unpleasant topic before dinner. "I've never…I want to do this right in our partnership, Dora. Part of this relationship working out includes being honest with you, because that's the only way that this is going to work. No lies, no secrets between us. Just…just us. So…here it goes. I've never…been with someone, in—in that way that I think that we both want…"

His words tumbled unchecked from his lips in a steady stream of anxiousness, fragmented, some words missing, his thoughts a jumbled mess.

Lupin froze and cringed, wishing suddenly that the floor beneath his feet would open up and swallow him whole. Merlin's Beard, but he hadn't meant to blurt it out the way that he had, it had just sort of…slipped out.

_Merlin. I—I shouldn't have said. Now what? What will she say_? Remus thought, biting down on his bottom lip, and looking away for a moment in order to try to get a hold of his emotions.

And yet again, for the dozenth or so time since knowing the young witch, Nymphadora Tonks surprised Remus by offering a shy, albeit sad smile of her own, a light pink blush flushing her cheeks high with color before she looked away.

"It is all right, Remus. We'll figure it out together. As…partners," she finished hesitantly, biting her lip.

She looked as though she had more that she wanted to say on the subject, though she promptly clamped her lips tightly shut, falling silent.

Lupin's heart swelled with hope as his mind processed her words until he thought the stubborn corded throbbing muscle within his chest might spout wings and escape from his chest.

Tonks let out a soft chuckle.

Clearly, he had not expected her to respond to his admission of inexperience at dating, and it showed in his nonplussed expression and his confused eyes.

"I'd like to…try something," Tonks asked. "May I?" she said, biting down her bottom lip as she waited for his answer.

Tonks hesitated, wondering if she was overstepping her boundaries by asking this of her partner, but here it goes.

Lupin nodded, drawing in a sharp breath that pained his lungs, feeling his breaths catch in his throat as his partner moved even closer, until the young witch had closed off the gap of space until there was practically no space left between them.

Her beauty had ensnared him in her trap, this nymph, but he could no longer resist, no longer allowing himself to be guarded by logic and rational thinking. Now, only thoughts of her.

"Don't _move_ , be very still," Tonks commanded softly. She had to reach up on her tiptoes, and as Tonks drew even nearer, Lupin felt his heartbeat so fast, he feared she would hear it, and if she did, then his secret was a secret no more.

As Tonks leaned forward, Lupin felt his pulse start to race quickly.

That one stubborn lock of his bangs tumbled in front of his face, resting just in front of Lupin's cheek, but with one swift slide of Dora's thumb, it was brushed off his face and out of her way.

Looking into the young witch's eyes, he saw deep pools of grey that displayed his partner's soul. Her lips touched his cheek.

Time stopped. His heart felt like it came to a standstill as he froze, his breath catching in his throat, rendering him speechless and at a loss for what to say, and not caring if he was.

Their fingers locked together, similar to puzzle pieces, before Tonks let go of his hand, mindful that the two were standing just outside the Great Hall, and she did not want to cause the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher any trouble by inciting gossip among the other staff as to the true nature of their growing affectionate partnership.

As the soft skin of her mouth left the side of Remus's scarred face, the exact spot where they had come into contact burned and tingled. A hot, blazing fire pulsated through his body, instantly warming him.

A small grin crept onto his face and his cheeks painted themselves rose red.

Lupin pulled away from her, but their eyes locked, having a private conversation of their own in silence.

Tonks offered the man a shy smile, basking in the warmth her partner gave off.

If that first kiss, and it was just a peck on the cheek, and didn't really count, in her mind, was the first sign of things to come as their partnership progressed into hopefully something more, she couldn't be happier.

Though an odd thought popped into her mind as she thought of Snape protesting Professor Dumbledore's decision to appoint her as Remus's partner, citing their pairing together would be a disaster. Tonks frowned, furrowing her brows in concentration.

Remus noticed her growing discomfort as the young woman's smile faded and slid off her face like Stinksap, and he looked crestfallen and hurt.

"You didn't—you don't want this?" he asked, sounding hurt and a little offended, if she wasn't mistaken, judging by the note of bitterness in his quiet tones.

Tonks blinked owlishly up at Remus, quickly coming to the realization of how it must look like to the werewolf, and immediately felt her eyes grow wide and round as a dinner plate.

She blanched, trying to correct herself. "N—no, no, no I—I _do_ , Remus. I—forgive me, I—I was just lost in thought. I was thinking about Snape."

Tonks cringed at the way that Lupin's eyebrows shot so far up onto his forehead that they almost disappeared into her hairline, and Tonks thought she might very well like to die right about now.

But Merlin's Beard, could this possibly get any more _awkward_ for her right now?!

Apparently so.

Judging by the incredulous look of disbelief Lupin was shooting her, the way his light brown eyes narrowed, it became clear to Tonks that Lupin thought she fancied Snape.

She scrunched her nose and tried not to gag at that pleasant concept. The greasy-haired git _had_ to have maggots festering in that mop of his that looked like he never washed it.

"N—no," Tonks stammered, the moment Lupin started to turn on the heel of his shoes and head in the Great Hall without her, "that—that's _not_ what I meant, Remus. I—I meant that…Professor Snape did not want Dumbledore to pair the two of us together," she added, recollecting more than a few times she had sauntered past the Headmaster's closed office door and heard raised voices, and always, it was about Lupin.

Lupin scowled, his brows coming together as a dark look overcame his scarred, rugged features.

"I know," he muttered darkly, instinctively reaching for Tonks's shoulder and giving it a light, but firm and reassuring squeeze. "He told me as much."

Tonks nodded mutely to communicate she had heard and acknowledged his words as she looped her arm around his and allowed the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor to escort her inside the Great Hall the moment her stomach rumbled.

The beginnings of a light little smirk at the noise of protest her stomach made caused the edges of Remus's scarred lips to turn upwards into a smile. Tonks stared, thinking that the man really did look better when he smiled.

"You should smile more often, Remus. You look much more _handsome_ when you do, if I may speak freely," Tonks murmured quietly, and she sensed how Lupin stunned at her comment, though she gave the werewolf virtually no time to react as the follow-up question about Snape left her lips before she could stop herself.

She'd seen the animosity burning in Snape's eyes whenever he looked at him. Tonks wanted to know why, and she said as much as she glanced up at the long rectangular staff table towards Snape.

Whose gaze met hers and his black eyes like coal narrowed, though he quickly turned away and pretended to engage himself in a conversation with Professor Vector, who sat nearest to him.

"Why does Severus hate you so much, Remus?" Tonks asked in a low voice, having to lean forward and practically whisper it into the shell of the man's ear, her face flushing as she caught a few of the students' and staff's interested staring of her.

Tonks immediately mentally slapped herself. She hardly knew the man that well enough to start asking personal questions about the man's interpersonal relationships, and yet, here she was, a couple of nights before their date to Hogsmeade and overstepping her boundaries, and it was too late to take it back.

Tonks glanced sideways at Lupin out of the corner of her eye as the two of them strolled at a leisurely pace up the aisle of the Great Hall towards the staff table, the only two spots available were right in between Dumbledore and McGonagall.

Both of whom, Tonks noticed, were watching them with odd expressions on their faces. Almost as if they were amused.

Tonks furrowed her brows, looking back towards Remus to gauge his reaction toward this new development, and it did not escape her attention how the man's posture had stiffened, and he suddenly looked tense and uncomfortable.

Though whether or not it was from the query she had just posed to him, or the fact that he too, could feel the questioning gazes of the students' eyes on him and the teachers', Tonks didn't know.

"Because of what I am," Lupin answered at last when he had managed to regain control of his voice, sounding defeated. "I was admittedly not quite as kind to Severus as I could have been when we attended school together. James and Sirius and Peter bullied him more often than I'd like to care to admit. And I wanted so much to be accepted by my friends, that while I did not approve of the way they treated, Snape, I never stopped it. And…" he paused, his frown deepening as he looked to Snape.

The man did not look at them, though it was obvious the Potions Master could sense that he was being silently watched.

Tonks glanced back and forth between Snape and Lupin a couple of times, putting the missing pieces together in her mind.

Things were beginning to add up.

"I think I understand," Tonks said slowly. "He resents you for coming here to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts class because it reminds you of your time together as students. That he has to brew… _it_ , for you every month. Why should he go out of his way to be kind to you when you did not return the favor? It would be enough to incite bitterness in anyone, I know that," she murmured in a low voice, low enough so that only Remus heard her, and not wanting to mention the Wolfsbane Potion by name in case a few curious students were listening in.

Remus let out a tired sigh and glanced at her, a pained expression in his eyes. "Yes. It is only on Dumbledore's orders that he brews the potion I need once a month in order to stay safe. It is incredibly complex, you know. Disastrous to get wrong, and I was never much of a potion brewer, I'm afraid."

There was no mistaking the note of disgust and self-hatred, the bitterness that seeped its way unbidden to the surface of Lupin's voice as the man pointedly looked over at Severus as the pair strode around the length of the table to take the seats next to Professor Dumbledore and McGonagall.

"This, what I _am_ , this is a curse of wickedness, corruption inside of me, Greyback's curse, that I carry in me too for the rest of my life," Lupin explained in a low voice, sounding pained and angry.

Tonks stared at Lupin incredulously as they sat down, ignored the interested stares of the Transfiguration Professor and the Headmaster as they listened into their private conversation.

"I don't think that," Tonks retorted hotly, feeling the anger rising within herself, but she stomped it down, and refused to let her partner see it. "I don't see you as a monster, Remus, and neither does Dumbledore," she added, glancing towards the Headmaster for confirmation.

Albus's bright blue eyes were twinkling infectiously behind his lenses as he nodded.

She silently tried to thank the aging old warlock with her eyes before turning back to Remus, who was staring at her with such an intense look, something unreadable glinting in his eyes, though what that thing was, she didn't have time to ponder it.

Tonks drew in a deep breath and pressed on, desperate to make the man start trying to see himself in a different viewpoint.

"You are a man. Yes, you have your…condition, but it does not define who you are. You are a _kind_ man, Professor, with a _good_ heart. I hope you never forget that. There is _nothing_ wrong with you, Lupin, and I think," Tonks added, shooting Lupin a wry smile and a brief wink that sent his heart fluttering, hoping to lighten his mood, "as your partner, I have earned the right to put you in your place when you are wrong, and you, Professor Lupin, are so _wrong_ right now that it's not even _funny_ , sir," she admonished, though it was not enough to stop the beginnings of a light, mischievous smirk tugging at her lips. "Will you _try_ , at least, Remus?" she whispered, lowering her voice to ensure that her next words were meant for him, and him alone. "Will you at least _try_ to start seeing yourself as I do?"

He sat in a stunned silence for a moment, processing her words. His eyes met hers, and Lupin smiled at her.

"Anything for you," he answered before moving to finally enter the Great Hall. Tonks stayed rooted to her chair, transfixed, studying Remus as he reached across the table to help himself to a slice of the truly mouth-watering, delectable chocolate torte he had mentioned.

Her hand went to her mouth as she tried to hide her elatedness. The breath caught slightly in her throat as she pondered his rugged frame. Despite the man's horrible scars, that she was sure extended all down throughout the rest of his body and not just his face, Tonks found Lupin quite handsome.

Tonks made a silent vow to be patient and to take things slow with Remus. After all that he had done thus far for her, it was the least that she could do for him. She owed him, after all.

As the pair made their way through what was left of dessert, Tonks found herself looking forward to their date, just the two of them, and did her best to ignore the pointed stares the other staff members gave the two of them, particularly Tonks, when she fed the last bite of her dessert to Lupin off the tines of her own fork, though he didn't notice.

Tonks only hoped that by daring to be the one to initiate the next step in their partnership as they became more comfortable with him, that she was not making a grave mistake.

* * *

Tonks and Lupin had spent the entirety of the Halloween Feast discussing the potential outcome of Hagrid's trial in the morning over a truly delish dessert over that piece of chocolate torte that Lupin hadn't been exaggerating about.

Dobby and the other house-elves had really, truly outdone themselves.

When the feast had ended and the students sent back to their dormitories as the lateness of the hour dawned on them, Lupin did not hesitate to escort Tonks down the hall to her quarters. Stopping in the dark hallway, lighted only by the tips of their wands, Lupin motioned towards Tonks's room.

Lupin had been about to open his mouth to speak, when a quiet noise, a boy's voice, came from behind the pair of them, startling both the wizard and witch, and swiveled their heads to take in the source of the sudden, surprise disturbance.

"Goodnight Professor. Miss Tonks," Harry murmured, offering the pair of them a light little wave as he shoved his glasses back up onto the bridge of his nose. "Sleep well."

Tonks gave a curt nod to indicate she had heard before she opened the door to her bedroom, though did not enter.

She poked her head in through the doorway and looked around the quarters that Dumbledore had appointed her.

The room was small, but had a warm fire, a table with two chairs and a hard, uncomfortable looking mattress.

"Ah, do you…do you want to come in a minute?" Tonks murmured, thinking that her voice, perhaps for the first time in his presence, sounded shaky and somewhat unstable.

As she glanced at Lupin out of the corner of her eye, the man's gaze was still quite light and humorous, though she caught the faintest glimpse of the hidden depths of his eyes.

He remained unmoved and quite still, standing just at the edge of the door and peering inside to take in the surroundings, his arms folded somewhat stiffly behind his back.

She was relieved to see that Professor Lupin held some form of propriety and made no move to step forward into her room, though he had an odd expression on his face, dumbstruck, as though he had never seen a bedroom quite like this size before. Tonks nervously averted the man's hard gaze.

"My own quarters _alone_ are bigger than this…this _place_ ," he murmured under his breath after a moment, his eyes widening and the disappointed tone of his voice echoing his utter disbelief.

Tonks, for a moment, wished she were a Legilimens as Snape was, that she could dip into his mind and learn his thoughts, what he was thinking, as he looked around.

Tonks cringed, obvious discomfort beginning to well in the pit of her stomach as she twisted her fingers together as she waited for her partner to continue. Yes, this room was small, and she had very little, but still, his reaction was disconcerting.

"What's wrong with my room?" she fired back, feeling the muscles in her shoulders begin to tense and stiffen as they always did whenever she felt the need to go on the defensive.

"How on _earth_ are you comfortable here, Tonks? Wouldn't you prefer larger quarters? More room to move around in? You are an _Auror_ , Dora, and while you are stationed here at the school, Dumbledore should be offering you the _best_ he has to offer," exclaimed Remus, a truly dumbfounded look on his prematurely lined and scarred face.

Tonks had not expected this, though thank Merlin, the man sounded more incredulous than furious, which she supposed was a good thing, as she had little say over where the Headmaster put her up in a room.

"I _already_ have the best," Tonks murmured quietly, her words carrying a double meaning.

She wasn't talking about her room and she hoped that Remus would understand her words.

Tonks noticed him stiffen and blink in response to her statement, and this time, it was Lupin's turn to stare at Tonks with no small measure of doubt and discontent in his eyes.

Tonks blushed as she sat down on the edge of her bed's mattress. "I know you might not understand, Remus," Tonks began begrudgingly as she set her wand down on the nearby nightstand which rested next to her bed on the mattress's left. "But I enjoy it, having the ability to sneak away to the kitchens to see Dobby," she grinned, a soft, affectionate smile snaking its way up her face as she thought of the over-accommodating house-elf, always eager to go out of his way to please her whenever she visited.

"How could you _possibly_ enjoy the company of the students and other staff, when all they do is gossip about you behind your back, laugh at you, and leave you alienated, Tonks?"

Tonks felt her face pale and her breath falter as she listened to Remus's surprising response. How on earth did—?

"How—how did you hear that? And from whom?" was all that Tonks could manage to fire back in response, though not without stammering and tripping over her words like an idiot.

Tonks watched as Lupin's gaze went from angered to one of alarm.

He turned his head away from her gaze, looking almost thoroughly disgruntled and annoyed at her questioning.

Surely, he had just guessed blindly as to why Tonks had not requested better accommodations for herself in the castle.

Tonks did genuinely want to remain down here, where she was, close to the kitchens, to the house-elves.

She had convinced herself at the start of her appointment as the sole Auror assigned to guard the castle that all she needed to do was let the students and staff get used to her presence, and then, maybe, just maybe, her time here wouldn't be so lonely.

Tonks realized that this was a chance to bond with those around her, while she had a relatively clean slate as a new Auror.

But now that she had Professor Lupin by her side…

"Never _mind_ where I heard it, Dora, that is beside the point and immaterial to our discussion," replied Remus in a dismissive tone, his voice sounding strangely cold and stilted, immediately pulling Tonks from her swirl of dark musings. "The point is that quarters like this," he gestured to her truly dismal-looking room, "are unacceptable for a woman in your position. You _cannot_ remain down here. I will speak to Dumbledore in the morning while you are at the Ministry during the hearing with Hagrid," he added, a pained expression on his lined face. "especially considering what happened with…with Sirius in the Hospital Wing," he continued in a hoarse, ruff, and coarse voice, "I don't think it's _safe_ for you to remain here on the first floor _alone_ , Dora. I will speak to the Headmaster in the morning and see if he can grant you accommodations that are closer to my own quarters. For _safety_ ," he clarified, seeing a dawning look of disbelief etch its way onto Tonks's face. "I would feel better knowing that you are closer to me, that way if something goes wrong, I know you'll be safe as long as you're by my side," he muttered quietly.

Tonks blinked a couple of times, unable to believe the words that were coming out of Lupin's mouth.

Nevertheless, she quickly nodded her head, knowing it was futile to argue.

"Th—thank you," she managed to gasp out when she finally found her voice. "I…look forward to being closer to you, Remus," she whispered, yet again, her words carrying a double meaning for the second time in one night.

He shot her a look that silently communicated to Tonks that he understood her.

"Good." There was a beat. A pause, as he hesitated and turned his head to the side once to cough to clear his throat. "Well, it's getting late, and you should rest. I'd hate for you to be sleep-deprived. Hagrid is counting on you," Lupin said, a somber and grave tone to his voice now, and in his eyes.

Tonks turned away and offered her partner a small nod.

"I will see you after the trial, then, Remus," she said, unable to resist shifting at the waist and glancing over her shoulder to see the man's silhouette lingering in her doorway.

His smile was that of a pleasant sunset, his lips curling into a soft grin that warmed Tonks's cheeks and caused her heart to drop into the pit of her churning and swooping stomach.

Before he gently closed the door behind him and left Tonks alone to retire for the night, Tonks heard his voice.

"Goodnight, Dora."

And before Tonks could return the gesture with one of her own, to wish him the same in return, the man closed the door behind Tonks and vanished from his partner's line of sight.


	27. You, Again?

**27**

**LUPIN** threw himself down onto his bed when he reached his own quarters and let out a haggard sigh of defeat. Staring up at the cold stone ceiling above his head, he tried to sort through his reeling thoughts, but all he could see was his partner, staring at him through the corridor he had just vacated. Merlin damn it.

That had been his first and foremost problem, the werewolf deduced.

Staring at Tonks in the way that he had just now had led him to so much distraction and prevented him from asking her just what she wanted to do with him on Saturday in Hogsmeade, where she might want him to take her.

And secondly, he realized a fraction of a second too late that he had forgotten to wish her luck at Hagrid's trial, and he cursed himself for not having done it yet.

Turning in frustration towards the window on his right that looked out onto the Hogwarts Grounds, towards the Black Lake, Lupin allowed his thoughts to how Tonks had defended that strange creature, that unusually tall goblin when he had confronted the pair of them outside of Buckbeak's enclosure.

_The goblin, what did he call himself_? Lupin furrowed his brows in thought. _Arym, his name was Arym_ , he scolded himself, had been standing entirely too close for his comfort.

Remus realized that back then when he had stumbled across the rather strange-looking duo, that he had held his gaze on the goblin's face for far too long than was appropriate to do.

His face had been one of a strange triumph, an insufferable smirk that Lupin wanted to raise his wand against and jinx it right off, and the goblin hadn't even had the decency to be embarrassed when he had caught the little cretin in the company of his partner, but then, what reason had he to be?!

_There's nothing romantic between Tonks and me_ , Lupin thought bitterly, and his heartstrings gave a painful tug at that. Just the vision of that surprise encounter set his blood aflame, and he gritted his teeth, gnashing them together in annoyance. He did not particularly like how the goblin had eyed him earlier either as if he knew more than he let on…

Growling in frustration, Lupin's frown deepened as he continued to mull over the strange turn of events the night had taken, not sure what to make of all of this. Of their conversation.

And then how she had defended the way the rest of the staff, save for perhaps Professors Dumbledore, Sprout, McGonagall, and of course, himself, had treated Tonks, how they thought that she lacked the capabilities to do her job well.

Remus shook his head and carded his fingers through his hair, furrowing his brows and scowling in utter frustration. He did not understand Tonks. Then again, he often did not understand women, the way a witch's mind worked, not that this had usually bothered him in the past, given the nature of his condition, he preferred to keep most people at a distance.

But with Tonks, it felt… _different_.

_She_ was different, yes. Lupin let out a low, wolfish growl, courtesy of the full moon that was approaching as he turned on his back to face the wall.

His mind was treading down a very dangerous path, a path that he would sooner rather avoid, but unable to help it, considering the full moon was a few days away, and his mood swings during these times were erratic, volatile, unpredictable.

But yet, the more he thought of her, the more he calmed down and became less angry. Tonks was an unfailingly kind woman with a pure heart. Something that was admittedly rare, especially in this day and age. Lupin blinked, his eyes widening at his own observations.

As he pondered over this revelation and stared incredulously up at the ceiling, Lupin lifted his hand to his brow.

He was reminded of the way that Tonks had looked at him that night on the Hogwarts Expression. Her pleading eyes almost glistening, calling to him. The very same almond-shaped pale gray orbs that Lupin had allowed himself to become ensnared in with such wonder the first night the two of them had met.

Damn. How could he have allowed this to happen? He—he was _dangerous_! He was too old for her, too poor besides, so why? Why was he allowing this to happen to him? _Why_? What could Tonks possibly see in a monster like him? He was making a fool out of himself. Sooner or later, this blissful dream would surely come to an end. He knew that.

They would capture Sirius, Tonks would leave, go on about her own life, and he would never see the woman again. Sooner or later, he would have to deal with these troublesome feelings, and he hoped to address them with Tonks during their trip to Hogsmeade. He didn't think he could take it anymore.

Pulling himself up off his mattress, Lupin grunted with the exertion as he turned his head to look outside.

It was nightfall by this point, given the lateness of the hour, but he could just about make out the faint silhouette of Hagrid's hut, at the smoke plumes drifting lazily from the chimney. He wondered if Hagrid would get any sleep tonight, or if he would lay in the wake, wondering over the outcome of Buckbeak's trial, as he thought Tonks would.

The luminous light from the moon streaming down hung in a precarious manner in the otherwise clear night sky. They reminded him of the white silk and lace nightgown Tonks had worn the night he'd caught her out of the Hospital Wing and on the search for Sirius.

How she had looked almost ethereal, angelic, even, the way her dress highlighted her pale skin, so soft, creamy, smooth-looking, and she…

Lupin frowned again as he felt a sudden shift within himself as it gave way. The frustrations that he had been harboring all evening suddenly disappeared and Lupin pointedly turned away from staring at the moon's rays, suddenly feeling feverish and hot, but not wanting to tear his gaze from it, but forced himself to.

Blinking in a somewhat dazed fashion, he ducked his head and turned his face towards the full-length mirror, and he flinched as he saw the tired, scarred, disheveled, ragged man staring back at him. Hardly a surprise, after the day he'd had. Growing increasingly frustrated, Lupin closed his eyes tiredly before breathing out slowly through his nose, exhausted.

He heard nothing and saw nothing, nothing but the truth. That he was attracted to Nymphadora Tonks. He could no longer shove aside his inappropriate thoughts of the pink-haired young witch to the back of his mind and dismiss them.

He was fixated on Tonks from the moment he had first laid eyes on her in the Hogwarts Express, and even more so following the night that he had caught her out of bed from the Hospital Wing in that white silk and lace nightgown.

Add to that, their shared moment of bonding over their boggarts' forms, how Tonks did not seem to care that he was a werewolf, was almost too good a dream to believe that it was true.

Lupin knew that he needed to stay away from her, better than anyone else, in fact, that if he continued down this path that he was sure their partnership was heading, that he would only hurt her.

He was sure of this, yes, he was sure, but Lupin knew he could not manage to summon the strength it would take to stay away from this young woman who had gotten underneath his skin and was now plaguing his thoughts.

Remus was quite sure that he had never felt more out of control in his entire life, plagued over thoughts of what to do about his growing attraction to his partner. And although he did not consciously admit it to himself, Lupin was afraid of the increasing effect the vivacious, pink-haired, kind young witch was having on him.

But having Nymphadora Tonks by his side and in his life brightened what would otherwise continue to be a forlorn and desolate existence, considering the only one he had left in his life was his father, Lyall, his mother, Hope, Merlin bless her soul wherever she was now, having been dead a few years now.

At least he could sleep soundly knowing that tomorrow, he was going to speak to Dumbledore and insist the man allow Tonks to move to a room closer to him, where she would have more space and be near him. His mind selfishly drifted towards thoughts of their outing in another two days.

Where he wanted to take her in Hogsmeade. A happy smile gleamed on his face as his mind sifted through the dozen or so of possibilities.

Tonks could have given him no greater gift other than to accept him, just as the way he was, his condition as a werewolf did not seem to bother Dora, for which he was more relieved and grateful than she could ever know.

There was a chance, however slim. There had been that gleam in her eyes, that Remus had recognized. It was the way that Lily used to look at James, how Alice looked at Frank, how Marlene McKinnon used to look at her husband. A yearning.

For _him_. She _did_ feel that unimaginable thing that had been churning inside of him, now going on weeks. 'Crush' was such an infantile word, Lupin thought, one that must have been invented by ancient wizards and witches, the ones with an interest in belittling love. Lupin was quick to decide he hated this. He did not have a 'crush' on Tonks. Far from it.

She was, he hoped, in time, the one that would change the way he viewed the world for the rest of Lupin's life. Nymphadora Tonks was all that was on his mind these days.

She was his true North, his everything. They would prove everyone wrong, that a werewolf such as him could have that which he had always thought himself unclean and unworthy, undeserving of having.

A _partner_. Someone to share in the little joys of life. _Could she be the one_? Lupin thought. Saturday, when her mind was free from thoughts of Hagrid's trial, Remus decided he would find a way to talk to Tonks during their evening spent in Hogsmeade. To tell her how he felt about her, then he could finally stop hiding his emotions.

Stifling a yawn with the back of his hand as he mulled over his decision in his fading consciousness, Remus blinked, bleary-eyed as he rested his head back against the pillow, letting his head sink into the many pillows that he had conjured for himself in order to help ease his post-transformations.

Before he could blink again, Lupin fell into a deep sleep, with Tonks's figure and her bright, piercing gray eyes and white, kind smile that last thing that he saw…

* * *

None of the Hogwarts Professors could explain _how_ it had happened, only that it had started in the dead of night. Word had spread throughout the castle quickly, that the Fat Lady's portrait had been horribly slashed to shreds by Sirius Black when she'd refused to let him in. Lupin awoke to the sound of breathing that was not his own, which immediately set his heightened senses on edge. He did not recognize the smell of whoever—or _whatever_ —was in his room right now.

A harsh, jabbing nudge to his ribcage caused Lupin to jerk awake and he barely stifled his yell of surprise at the grotesqueness that was staring him dead in the eye.

At first, he thought his mind was playing a sport of his vision, and this was some horrible phantasm in front of him, this could be the only explanation, but the moment the figure, shrouded in shadows, moved, and Lupin saw the familiar burning glint of the creature's eyes burning brighter than midnight torches, he knew this was no nightmare and had to act fast.

Lupin bolted upright from his bed, reaching for his wand that rested on the night table beside his bed.

" _You_!" he snarled in a voice that could only be described as a low growl as he found himself staring face-to-face with that truly hideous creature from earlier, the goblin. "How did _you_ get in here?"

_Arym, Arym, his name is Arym_ , Lupin had to remind himself. "What are _you_ doing here?" he demanded, watching as the unusually tall goblin shirked away from Lupin's advancing form, his clawed hands raised in front of his face to defend himself.

Staring blankly and wide-eyed at Remus was the same goblin from earlier that he had caught Tonks in the midst of a conversation with outside of Buckbeak's pen outside of Hagrid's hut, and he did not like this.

The goblin's wild tuft of red, curly bushy hair stuck out like flaming branches, and if he weren't so ugly, Lupin might have mistaken him for a Weasley relative.

He was as wide as he was tall, making the cretin look somehow shorter than Remus was, yet imposing. That wasn't even the weirdest part, however. He was tall, not quite as tall as Remus was, but close enough in height that he could have passed as human.

Clad in a dark cape, he looked like some sort of evil woodland sprite that lived in the depths of the Forbidden Forest come to exact revenge for a wrong. The goblin pursed his thin, wormy lips into a thin line, still keeping his arms raised in front of him. He had no wand to defend himself, though Lupin knew most goblins did not need wands to yield magic.

Though he could have sworn Dora had mentioned during the Halloween feast the creature was a Squib of sorts, which he thought odd. Something about the goblin in front of him wasn't adding up.

"I'm looking for your… _friend_. Miss Tonks, Professor Lupin. Professor Dumbledore sent me to come and wake you. There's been an incident, Professor," the goblin spoke in a rough, coarse voice that caused Lupin's overactive imagination to conjure up a mental image of a wooden crate being dragged alongside a cobblestone street. He cringed.

Remus bit down on his tongue hard enough to draw blood, trying to ignore the wolf within him, his temper rapidly swelling to dangerous levels as he processed this strange creature's words. Did he want Tonks? _Why_? For what purpose? Why did he seek her out? Was this just a trap set into place by Sirius, then?

Not if _he_ had anything to do with this. He was not going to let this—this _whelp_ of a _cretin_ lay so much as a single blackened fingernail on _his_ partner! Tonks, while she remained at Hogwarts, was under his protection first and foremost, alongside Dumbledore, and he was not going to let this stranger harm Dora.

Not while she was inside these stone walls. Lupin stalked towards the goblin, who was retreating into the furthermost corner of his room as he let out a low warning growl that sounded animalistic from deep within his throat before he raised his wand at Arym.

The first Knockback Jinx he fired straight at the goblin's chest missed, but only because the creature ducked at the precise moment the jinx hit the wall and would have succeeded in hitting his target if he hadn't moved with an incredible speed Lupin had not thought goblins capable of, damned prideful creatures.

However, Arym, if that truly _was_ the goblin's name, had better reflexes than he had anticipated, and ducked underneath Lupin's outstretched wand arm, and moved to stand in the threshold of the door to his room that separated his room from the first-floor hall.

The goblin continued to stagger back to further the rain of jinxes that Lupin, as a master duelist, was showering down at the creature to get him _out_ of his presence, and Merlin _help_ the cretin if the goblin did not start talking as to what he wanted with Dora.

Though Lupin remained relentless in his attempts to subdue this little witless worm. Tonks's life depended on him and he knew he'd be damned to the seventh layer of Hell and he'd deserve it if he failed.

" _Wait_!" The goblin continued to hold out his arms in a defensive manner, yet seeming to want peace, trying to placate the agitated werewolf while at the same time trying to dodge another of his Stunning spells. "Easy, friend! I—I mean you no harm, Lupin!"

His name left the goblin's lips rather awkwardly, and this caused Lupin to hesitate and lower his wand slightly, though he still kept it firmly planted at the goblin's chest, and Arym was looking rather pleased.

"Can you just…lower your wand and _stop_ long enough to let me _explain_?" panted the goblin, gasping for breath, yet he let out a timid-sounding squeak that for a second, reminded Remus of Peter Pettigrew as Lupin let out another wolfish growl and lunged forward, seizing tufts of the goblin's dark robes, and slamming him up rather roughly against the stone wall. "There—there is no _need_ for this, my friend," he said.

" _I am no friend of yours_!" Lupin snarled back as a newfound rage threatened to engulf his body completely. " _Get_. _Out_. _Leave_. Why did you come?"

This time, and completely on accident, his rage that caused a burning sensation to well within the confines of his chest caused a burst of bright purple light to explode from the tip of his wand and hit the goblin squarely in the chest, unintentionally, and when it did, the sheer force of the blow sent the flailing goblin out of Lupin's arms and down the hallway.

Arym shakily rose to his feet, using the wall beside him as a brace as he righted his posture, standing upright at his full height of what Lupin guessed to be around 5'8, but not taller than he was at around 6'2.

"I—I _told_ you," panted Arym, who doubled over briefly, one claw clutching at his ribcage, flinching.

Lupin internally winced, wondering if he had accidentally injured the goblin in the process of this unconventional interrogation of sorts, though he quickly shoved aside his concern for the creature.

He did not know this little cretin who had essentially broken into his room and had mentioned his partner, so he would remain cautious for right now. Tonks was what mattered, and he wanted answers.

When Remus did not respond, merely proceeded to glower at Arym as he stalked down the hallway to where the goblin was inching his way along the wall, he froze when he had reached a good ten feet away.

"I—I was just coming to speak with you, Remus. Dumbledore sent me, sir," the goblin pressed, retreating further away from Lupin in case the werewolf's temper had a surge again and it imploded.

" _Talk_ , then," he barked hoarsely, raising his wand again and keeping it level at the goblin's chest, though he uttered no incantation. He would hear him out, at least. "Why did you come to my room in the middle of the night, _goblin_? What do you _want_ with me?"

The goblin called Arym merely proceeded to stare at Remus as though the man had sprouted antlers out of his head. "What do I 'want' from you?" he demanded incredulously. "I _want_ for you to _listen_ to me, sir. I just think you'll want to hear what I have to say," the goblin grumbled darkly under his breath, though he sounded utterly confused when he spoke.

_I think I won't_ , Lupin thought resentfully to himself, but he forced himself to lower his wand, his temper welling as he heard the tall goblin called Arym let out an audible sigh of relief at the brief gesture.

Arym let out a sigh, raking his claws through his wild tuft of curly red hair, appearing extremely hesitant for a moment or two, before he evidently found his words, and began to speak to Remus softly.

"Sirius Black entered Hogwarts in the middle of the night and attacked the Fat Lady's portrait when she refused to grant him entry to the Common Room," the goblin was quick to explain in soft, hushed tones.

Lupin blinked owlishly at the nervous creature standing before him wringing his claws together, looking as though he would rather be anywhere but here, with anyone else but Remus, but he paid it no mind.

" _What_? _How_? How is that _possible_ , Arym?" replied Lupin in a begrudgingly scathing tone as he eyed the goblin with no small measure of distrust, looking at Arym as though he wished the goblin would simply disappear from his line of sight for good.

"I _wish_ it were just another stupid student playing a dumb prank," the goblin replied, polite sounding, but nevertheless growing increasingly impatient with the werewolf, wanting to get to the heart of the matter, and quickly.

"It's not?" Lupin growled, feeling he already knew the answer, his heart sinking to the pit of his stomach as the goblin shot him a rueful look and shook his head.

Arym let out a tired sigh. "No, Professor. But I am afraid it is very _real_ and _dangerous_. For your own safety, I insist that you come with me outside to the courtyard. The teachers have already conducted a thorough search of the castle."

Lupin began to grow perturbed. The teachers had already searched the duration of the castle's layout, and he was only just now being woken up by this… _thing_?

"Fine," he replied in a gruff, hoarse voice, still not quite believing this strange goblin.

He was not accustomed to being woken up in the middle of the night, much less by a complete stranger, and if this turned out to be some horrible trick by a student or even by Peeves, then by Merlin's Beard, he was _not_ going to be in a pleasant mood, and whoever was responsible for this, was going to deal with _him_.

"Follow me," the goblin exclaimed hurriedly as he gestured the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor to follow him with a curt wave of his rather lanky arm.

The hallways were eerily quiet, save for the Great Hall, where students had gathered to sleep for the night, as Lupin caught a glimpse of a couple of hundred squashy purple sleeping bags on the ground, with prefects and Head Boy and Girl from each house patrolling to ensure no talking from the other students.

As Remus reluctantly allowed the goblin called Arym to lead him outside into the front courtyard, his wolfish hearing perked up and he could hear more and more strained voices, just as his head was beginning to clear and the fog of anger towards the goblin's unexpected arrival unannounced and unwanted into his bedroom began to dissipate and leave his mind.

By the time they reconvened with the others and stood with the rest of the teachers and staff in front of the castle, Lupin was fully awake and coherent and convinced that whatever happened, it wasn't at all good and that something was indeed, very wrong.

He only caught snippets of conversation that the goblin had said to him regarding Black's entrance into the castle, things like, "…nasty temper that bloke's got," and, "…never would have believed it…"

Most of the witches were outside, standing on the staircase or sitting on the steps.

The wide oak tall double doors of the castle were wide open, and Lupin repressed a cold chill that wafted down his spine as he swore he felt the presence nearby of a Dementor.

Yet with all that seemed to be happening, Arym continued to push the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor forward, and since he was still taken aback and trying to wrap his mind around all that had happened, Remus allowed Arym to lead the way.

"The staff searched the entirety of the castle, and Black is nowhere to be found," stated Arym as the goblin guided Professor Lupin towards where Professor Dumbledore and Snape were deep in conversation, with the goblin quirking a thick dark brow at the withering look and the antagonizing glint in the Potions Master's listless, narrowed black eyes.

" _How_ ," he felt himself mutter through gritted teeth as a surge of anger swept through him and rocked him to his core, speaking to Sirius. "How did you _do_ it, Black?" he whispered, glancing to the right.

He noticed Army regarding him quizzically with a look of critical interest, though he paid it no mind.

The tall goblin, sensing Remus's unease, eyed the werewolf cautiously with an apprehensive look in his dark eyes as he took a half-step forward timidly towards Lupin and addressed him, swallowing hard.

"I don't know the details, sir, but the staff was first alerted by the other portraits when they heard the Fat Lady scream. None of the other portraits want the job now, so the search for who will replace her until the canvas can be mended by Dumbledore is a mystery. Guess Black got mighty angry when the Fat Lady wouldn't let him without the passwords, so he took out his knife, and well…" The red-haired goblin mimicked a slashing motion with his movement as if he held a knife.

Lupin did not hear the tall goblin's next words that the creature murmured under his breath as a gust of cold night air hit Remus's face, blowing his bangs off his forehead, and his expression of discomfort fell, his feet coming to a halt as his gaze landed on the witches and he worked quickly to do a mental count.

"But everyone, the students, staff, have been evacuated, is that right?" Lupin questioned, frowning.

"Yes, sir, of course. Whatever Black was after, he didn't seem too hellbent on harming the kids, sir, or he would have found a way to do it, I reckon," muttered Arym in a dark voice, the goblin surprised to hear Professor Lupin's voice sounding calm and resolute, considering the precariousness of their situation, despite the fact that he looked, for all intents and purposes, shaken and shellshocked. "Lucius Malfoy was a guest in the first-floor quarters, paying a visit to see his son the night before your gamekeeper's trial tomorrow, but Mr. Malfoy has been evacuated."

The sniff of disapproval in the goblin's voice and the way the creature scrunched his squashed, pug-looking nose in disgust at the mention of Lucius Malfoy's name would normally earn a slight smirk from Lupin in response, though Lupin felt his eyes widen in alarm as his head whiplashed towards Arym, who, in turn, seemed taken aback by his sudden shift.

"What about my partner? Where is Miss Tonks?" he demanded hoarsely as he strode closer towards Arym, his light brown eyes darkening as they narrowed in an intense gaze, his wand in his hand.

Now, it was the goblin's turn to look quite flustered as he recoiled and took a step backward.

"As far as I know, which is admittedly very little considering I arrived late on the scene, all of the staff, including the house-elves, who have quarters on the first floor were told to come outside immediately, sir."

But that wasn't good enough. Remus did a quick scan of the entire courtyard. Tonks was not among them, nor he could pick up the familiar scent of the shampoo that she used (and he secretly loved) that smelled autumn, of apples. No. She wasn't here.

"Have you _seen_ her?" snarled Remus, allowing the wolf within him to take control for a brief moment as he gripped onto the goblin's shoulders and shook him slightly. "Have you _seen_ Miss Tonks or _not_ , _goblin_?"

"N—no, I personally have not, sir," stammered Arym, who gave a curt shake of his head no, a gesture that caused Lupin's heart to plummet to the pit of his churning stomach as his head whiplashed back to the front to regard the castle. Tonks was still inside….

_Still with Sirius, if he's still in there_ , Lupin thought, feeling a vent of panic and adrenaline surge within him. "Barely ten minutes have passed since I was alerted to what had happened, Professor Lupin, and Professor Dumbledore's first priority was the students' safety, of course, and then I was told to wake you—"

But Remus did not give Arym a chance to finish his statement as he had already relinquished his wolfish grip on the goblin's shoulders and shoved him aside slightly, stalking towards the front of the castle towards Professor McGonagall, who was standing by the staircase, ordering the teachers in different directions.

"Where is _Tonks_ , Minerva?" yelled Lupin as he swiftly approached the Transfiguration Professor and his former Head of House, raising his voice above the noise and commotion going on right now around him.

Professor McGonagall pursed her lips into a thin line before she swiveled around to see her former student towering over her, his darkening brown eyes glistening fiercely in the otherwise pitch blackness of night.

"Excuse me, Professor Lupin?" Minerva asked politely, though with just a hint of annoyance at his rudeness in her tone.

"Where is my _partner_ , Professor?" roared Remus, the rising intonation of his voice causing her to flinch.

"I called for an evacuation of all staff and guests to be escorted outside once the students were safely secure in the Great Hall, but I have not had the time to check nor account for every single soul, Remus. We're a little _busy_ at the moment..."

The edges of McGonagall's voice were clipped and hardened, which did nothing to quell Lupin's temper.

He felt his face drain of colors. "So, Tonks might still be _inside_ with _Sirius_? _No one thought to look for her_?!" Remus interrupted before Minerva could open her mouth to speak further, feeling something ugly rise within his chest as warmth.

It took him a moment to realize it was fear.

Professor McGonagall made an odd little noise at the back of her throat. "I highly doubt it, Lupin—"

Remus had heard more than enough.

The man did not waste any more time, as without waiting to hear what else Professor McGonagall had to say regarding the evacuation process and the unknown whereabouts of his partner, Lupin ran up the staircase two at a time, ignoring the protests of both McGonagall and Albus coming from below, but he paid them no mind at all.

Why…Was somebody up there trying to tell him something? Too many questions were swirling around in his mind and not enough answers and he very narrowly collided with something quite small.

He stumbled, pitching forward, though shot out an arm to right his fall and glanced downward, staring. It was a house-elf. The one Tonks had affectionately referred to as 'Dobby.'

The only free house-elf to work in the kitchens of his own volition.

"Master Lupin!" Dobby squeaked, his overly large ears perking up slightly in a sense of happiness and relief upon seeing Remus in front of him. "I wouldn't go back inside, sir, Sirius Black is still at large, sir. We house-elves don't even know how he escaped the Dementors, sir," the tiny house-elf added with a shudder, and his huge, pointed ears drooped slightly as his smile slide off his face and fell, crestfallen.

"Have you seen Tonks, Dobby?" Lupin asked, swallowing down hard upon seeing the little creature look at him with wide, round, unblinking eyes, a look in Dobby's eyes that he could only describe as pitiable.

Lupin began to feel uncomfortable, almost claustrophobic, and unsure of what to do with himself. Useless. Weak. Hopeless. This was…his fault. He didn't know how, but it was.

" _Dobby_?" he pressed the house-elf when he did not answer him. "Have you seen my partner?" he asked, the urgency in his voice rising.

The house-elf shook his head. "No, sir. I haven't."

"Very well, continue with… _whatever_ it was you were doing, Dobby. You might want to check on the rest of the house-elves, and with Dumbledore, see if you and the other elves can be of some assistance, the rest of the teachers will need all the help they can get in searching for Black," Lupin replied in a gruff voice as he stopped to think.

Tonks was not a young woman who blended so easily into the background, not with her love of pink hair and her vibrant, bubbly personality, but where could she have disappeared to that no one else in the castle could think to go for quiet—

" _No_ ," he breathed, and he halted in his tracks and froze, coming to a complete standstill as his eyes went wide and round with shock. He knew his partner liked to read, but after the fiasco with Madame Pince, Tonks had barely stepped within ten feet of the library.

It was _forbidden_. Remus almost smiled and he probably would have, if it weren't already for the fact that he found himself in a very precarious position. Tonks had a particular talent for trouble that he had known he was going to have to keep an eye on. Particularly at night, during the witching hour, when all others were sound asleep in their beds, he knew.

Tonks tended to have a knack to wander off and explore places that she wasn't authorized to be in, and he suspected the library was the first place she would go, wanting to research ways how to prepare for Hagrid's trial and appeal to the Board to let Buckbeak off the hook for attacking Draco Malfoy.

Swerving his head up towards the Grand Staircase, Lupin felt something surge within his chest, igniting as a small flicker, an ember flame, if you will, but he knew it wasn't rage that he was currently experiencing, because it made him feel light, weightless. Remus did not recognize it at the moment as he sprinted up the staircase, but that emotion was hope.

He could only pray that, by the time he got there, he wasn't too late to save her, and Black had gone.


	28. A Close Call

**28**

**LUPIN** barreled his way through the library, having to squint through the pitch black of the room, very hard to see through, even with his heightened sight, but his nostrils flared, and he could smell her.

For once, he did not curse his wolfish abilities. The scent of apples assaulted Lupin's senses and he followed the strong wave of scent, growing stronger the closer he neared the library's backmost corner, towards the Restricted Section.

Though he had to squint to see anything, Remus could just about make out the silhouette of a feminine figure, resting in one of the armchairs near one of the bookcases, their head lolled back against the armrest, their arm dangling loosely off the edge of it.

The werewolf and Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor felt his feet move of their own volition, no longer taking directions from his own mind, almost instinctively, as he made his way towards the silhouetted figure, praying, hoping, it was Tonks.

Approaching the chair, his wand held out in front of him, ready to defend himself on the slim, off chance that it happened to be Sirius and not his partner, he felt himself let out a sigh of relief as he looked down at the steadily sleeping form of the young witch, a book curled close to her heart, fingers wound around it.

"Thank Merlin, you're safe, Dora. I've got you," he breathed in a low voice, his shoulders sinking with gratification that she was, at least from what he could see of Tonks in this dim lighting, relatively unharmed and alive.

Her chest barely rose and fell, the uneven rise and fall of her shoulders the only indicator that Tonks was still breathing at all, but it was more than enough to cause Lupin to act. He would protect her, as her partner.

It was his duty, his responsibility, and more importantly, he _wanted_ to.

Turning his mouth into something that resembled a twisted grimace as the skin around his scars pulled it tight and taut, Lupin deliberated quickly, doing some very quick thinking in his mind.

If Sirius were still somewhere in the castle, they could not stay here, and he did not have much time to escort her outside to get to safety. His mind made up, Lupin knelt and swiftly picked up the young woman from the armchair she had fallen asleep in, slowly moving Tonks's unresponsive form back so she rested her head limply against his shoulder.

The witch stirred, letting out an inaudible murmur as she tilted her head slightly towards Remus, but she was still lost in the throes of whatever deep sleep she was in to be aware of what was going on around her.

The Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor was surprised at how light the Metamorphmagus and Auror actually was. Her arms and legs were thin, and Lupin found he had no trouble whatsoever in carrying her swiftly out of Madame Pince's precious library, down the Grand Staircase, and towards the Great Hall's front door.

He was surprised at just how light she was. _She needs to eat more_ , Remus thought darkly to himself as he looked up and out, and into the darkness.

The scene that he had left Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore by had much changed since he had fled into the castle to retrieve his partner, for which he supposed he ought to be grateful.

The other teachers, it would appear, had gone back inside the castle to conduct a thorough, final search of the interior of the school before calling it a lost cause and retiring for the night.

As a consequence, the teachers were entirely too preoccupied to take notice of Remus carrying Nymphadora.

The young man was privately thankful for this, as he deemed it not their business to pry into the personal matters of his relationship with the young girl.

Looking down at Tonks slowly beginning to stir in his arms, he could sense the discomfort the young woman was beginning to feel from all of the noise surrounding them, as he heard Severus Snape barking commands to Madam Hooch to take a team and search the exterior grounds near the Quidditch Stadium.

It was a stark contrast to the peace and tranquility of the otherwise deserted library they had just left, and the only thing that occupied Professor Lupin's mind was that he had to put as much distance between his partner and Sirius Black, if he was still in Hogwarts, as possible.

You would have thought that, as Black's former friend, that Remus would have allowed his emotions to get the better of him, but this was not the case this eve.

As he stalked down the front steps of the castle, ignoring the startled exclamations of Professor McGonagall, Tonks' safety was all that occupied his mind, and he was unable to think of anything else but.

A gust of cold wind wafted through the castle's courtyard and as the night wind hit his frame and blew his bangs off his forehead, Tonks stirred in her sleep, reacting to the blistering chill of the wind by opening her eyelids, unaware of where she was, and why she was not in the library in her chair, or back in her bed in her personal quarters.

"Where—where am I? Remus? What happened?" Tonks murmured in a groggy tone, her voice still heavy with sleep as she shifted in Remus's arms.

She raised her head slowly, looking to the left and right as Tonks's eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness.

Surprisingly enough, Remus remained quite silent and did not offer up any verbal comment to her query.

He stood stock-still, as unmoved as a statue, and merely proceeded to glance down at the woman in his arms, patiently waiting for the Auror to get her bearings and realize just where she was, and what she had just very narrowly escaped had it not been for his quick thinking.

A muscle in his jaw twitched and a thousand possible retorts of things to say to Tonks flitted through his tired but reeling mind, though he fought against it. He was entirely too angry with her for that, and Lupin quickly realized a fraction of a second too late, but as he shifted her weight again in his arms to evenly distribute her weight so as to not drop her, his hands had started to shake. It took Tonks a moment, but soon, the celestial-like creature looked up in a realization.

"Remus?" Tonks stammered in a hoarse sounding voice, and the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor was not at all surprised to see that Tonks looked fearful.

"It's me," was all he could summon the strength to answer before he felt Dora start to squirm and wriggle and resist his surprisingly tight, ironclad grip, seemingly eager to get out of his embrace and stand on her own two feet again.

He offered no resistance and set her down, as he gritted his teeth, looking away from her in anger, aware that Tonks was slowly sidestepping away from him as she turned her wide-eyed gaze away from him and looked up towards the castle, a look of abject horror and shock rendering her pale features pallid.

"Sirius entered the castle this evening and attacked the Gryffindor Common Room's portrait when the Fat Lady would not let him in, after which, I presume he pointedly vanished. _Again_ ," Remus quickly explained, referring to the first incident of his sighting by Tonks in the Hospital Wing, though he'd not been awake for that, he shoved the thought aside, for now, wanting to catch his partner up to speed, while making no attempt to veil his disdain for having to come and rescue Tonks just now. "We don't know how he got inside. The other teachers are still conducting a search, but if you want my opinion, they won't find him. He's long gone."

Tonks lifted her hands to her gaping mouth in utter shock as her mind struggled to process Lupin's words, but Remus's eyes remained fixated on his partner's face. He waited in silence, watching, while Tonks's brain worked quickly to put two-and-two together as her gaze nervously flitted up to the castle and then back to him.

It was rare to find the young Auror in such a state of ignorance and he found himself growing rather irate. To say that he was frustrated with Tonks was something of a gross understatement.

" _How_?" replied Tonks faintly, as Tonks moved her confused gaze away from the towering buttresses and parapets of the castle, and for just a brief moment, Remus felt somewhat guilty about purposefully leaving his partner in the dark.

Tonks was looking utterly desolate, lost, and confused, and for a moment, Lupin almost spoke up to spare her the trouble and further humiliation of answering, though she did not give him a chance as her lips parted open slightly to speak.

"Did…" she murmured lowly under her breath after a moment when it quickly became clear that Lupin was not going to respond, "did you bring me down here? I—I was in the—the library researching outcomes of similar accusations for Buckbeak's trial a-and fell asleep…"

The Auror spoke in a clear and slow manner, so much so that Remus swore he could almost see the light igniting in her pale gray orbs. He didn't know what exactly was causing this strange behavior.

Perhaps it was due to her still sluggish and groggy state, though he was momentarily caught off guard by how blankly her expression had become, how numbly she looked at him. Even with such an expression of pure innocence etched on Tonks's almost too-pale face, he was much too angry at the moment to be swayed by the witch's beauty.

"Yes," Remus heard himself answer curtly in a voice that did not quite sound like himself at all, balling his hands into fists as his sides, shoving them in the pockets of his trousers as he tried desperately to control the wavering note of anger that seeped its way into his voice.

Practically smelling the fear pheromones that Tonks's aura was emitting, strangely intoxicating in the moment for his wolfish senses, Lupin swallowed down hard and forced himself to shove the inappropriate thought of her scent from his mind, but it was difficult.

"You would be correct, Tonks. I brought you down here outside to join the group after I found you asleep in the library. _Alone_ ," he emphasized through gritted teeth. " _Without me_ ," Lupin growled in a lowly, wolfish snarl.

"Without you…" breathed Tonks, repeating the Defense Against the Dark Arts' Professor's words slowly as her expression became confused, her gray eyes wide. Another brief gust of wind wafted through the courtyard, tousling her short, wavy-chin-length locks off her face and into buoyant curls as Tonks looked away.

The moment Tonks swiveled her head back around to regard Professor Lupin, a sudden look of realization and a furtive, guilty look in her eyes, Remus was more than ready for Dora, and so, while Tonks continued to stare up at him, horrified and with immense trepidation, aware that she had gone against the promise she made to him by saying if she wished to go anywhere in the castle after hours, to come and wake him up, and she hadn't, Lupin stared at her with such a wild, unhinged look in his eyes, he could see the striking effect it had on Tonks almost instantly.

But Merlin, he did not want to yell at her, but gods be damned, she _needed_ to understand just how close she had come to losing her life tonight. What Sirius would have _done_ to her…

He squeezed his eyes tightly shut, not even wanting to entertain that as a thought.

Tonks was almost appearing to shrink away from Lupin, no doubt having seen the shadow of the wolf as it darted across his features, taking one step, and then another away from him.

"I—I'm sorry, Remus," was all that she could manage, and Lupin, for perhaps the first time in his life was grateful that his partner seemed at a loss for words.

She had no idea the effect she had on him, and if Sirius would have gotten to her… Remus let out a growl of frustration and shook aside the unpleasant thought.

"Sirius Black entered the castle by unknown means tonight, he's long gone as we speak," replied Lupin in a calm voice, which he thought surprising considering the rage that coursed its way through his bloodstream as he took a cautious half-step forward. He noticed Professor McGonagall and Dumbledore behind him almost silent and unresponsive as he continued, but he paid them no mind. Tonks was the only thing that mattered now. "And I found you _asleep_ in the library after the library had closed. What did I _tell_ you about wandering off on your own? Why didn't you come and wake me?"

"I—I'm sorry, Remus," Tonks started to say again, a fiery heat creeping to her cheeks, and this time, the young Auror really did look mortified and seemed to be attempting to retreat into herself out of shame and embarrassment at having put her partner in such a precarious position. "I—I shouldn't have been up there, I know that. I—I know it goes against what we talked about—" she began, but Lupin immediately cut her off.

"Do you think I care about that?" Remus bellowed, immediately causing Tonks's breaths to die in her throat as his eyes darkened in anger as he continued glaring at her.

Before Tonks could even think about forming a coherent reply, he came striding towards the young witch and gripped hold of either one of her shoulders.

"What on earth were you thinking, Dora? If Sirius had found you, you would have surely been _killed_ tonight, you—you insufferable woman?! Do you not _get_ it?" His holler, his roar of anger seemed to echo across the courtyard in such a way that the entire area fell silent, though it was just the two of them and Albus and Minerva.

The only sound that reached his ringing eardrums was the occasional sound of crickets chirping.

Tonks gaped at Lupin, staring wordlessly up at Remus, completely stunned, and embarrassed into silence.

She seemed just as taken aback as Minerva did, who moved to stand beside Tonks and set a gentle hand upon her shoulder, and the tall goblin that had slunk its way into Remus's room unannounced from earlier, Arym, shot Lupin what he perceived to be a look of utter hatred and distrust, as his beady eyes narrowed.

"Professor Lupin," began Arym in a clipped and curt tone that immediately sent a chill of revulsion down Remus's spine at hearing how rough and coarse the tall goblin's voice sounded. "Don't you think this conversation can wait until _later_ when you're back inside? In _private_ ," he emphasized, glancing at Minerva and Albus out of the corner of his eye in a weary way.

Remus merely grunted wordlessly in response and averted the goblin's dark, piercing gaze. Even just thinking about what could have happened made him feel like he was going to be horribly sick.

How could Tonks speak of such things as their conversation in such a casual manner when she…when Tonks very nearly…

Lupin glanced back and down at Tonks, staring into her deep pools of pleading gray orbs, which, strangely enough, almost seemed blank. Remus stared, captivated, and entranced by the witch's pleading gaze.

Slowly, he felt his anger begin to subside and become replaced with an emotion he was quick to recognize as fear, fear of what could have happened. Lupin realized he still had an ironclad grip on Dora's shoulders, which were shaking and trembling, and he knew that Tonks was not at all cold.

He relinquished his grip and let go of Dora gently, looking apprehensively into her much-too pale face that was clammy and ashen, and Tonks shifted her gaze away.

She ducked her head and turned her profile to the side so Remus could not purposefully see her face.

"Thank you, Remus," Tonks whispered in a small, meek voice. "For—for saving my life. I—I owe you one," she began, to which she was surprised when she heard Lupin emit a strangled sounding noise from the back of his throat, causing her to glance up in alarm.

She was surprised to see the young wizard shake his head no by way of response. Tonks raised her eyebrows in alarm and could only blink owlishly at her partner. Tonks opened her mouth as if to speak but must have thought better of it because she closed her mouth, her shoulders slumping in defeat as she let out a sigh.

Lupin sighed, pinching at his temples with his thumb and forefinger in a tired manner.

"You owe me _nothing_ , Dora. You and I are partners. We watch out for one another," Lupin began, not realizing just how tired he was until he heard the tiredness seep its way to his voice. "Come on. Let me walk you back. But I would still feel better if you were to move your quarters to mine. For…safety purposes."

He raised his voice to ensure that Professor Dumbledore heard his request that was, coming from him in his current sour mood, not a request at all.

Professor Dumbledore merely proceeded to raise his greying eyebrows so far up onto his lined forehead that they almost disappeared into his hairline, though the ancient old warlock quickly conceded his agreement.

"You will move your belongings at once, Miss Tonks, and believe you me, if you do not do this, then we shall know," spoke up Albus in a somber voice.

"Yes, Headmaster," Tonks answered in a small and meek voice and ducked her head and turned her head back up to stare at the castle, slack-jawed and in shock. The young witch slowly swiveled her head towards Remus, whose face remained professionally polite and impassive, though Tonks was not at all fooled by it.

She could tell he was silently seething, fuming in his anger, by the way, a muscle in the man's jaw and behind his right eyelid gave a spasm and how tense he stood.

"I will speak to you in the morning about it, Tonks, over breakfast if you would be so kind enough as to join me," Lupin said tiredly in a voice that sounded as though he really did not want to press the issue over this, and yet, there was a hardened hint of steel in his voice that told Tonks that Remus thought it imperative.

"O—of course," Tonks quickly stammered, not bothering to correct Lupin that she had Hagrid's trial first thing in the morning, though she supposed if she got up early enough, she could manage to do breakfast with the man, as the tense of an affair as it was likely to be.

She watched, crestfallen, as Remus inclined his head, though he did not say goodnight to her, he managed a small nod to Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore, however, he shot the goblin a distrustful look, glancing back at Arym standing close to Tonks once over his shoulder as he stalked back to the castle.

Tonks stiffened as she was all-too-aware of Professor McGonagall moving to flank Tonks's left, with Arym standing to her right, one of his claws on her shoulder. Tonks made no move to shrug out of his grip.

"Are you all right, Miss Tonks?" Professor McGonagall asked in what Tonks supposed was meant to be a courteous tone, though she swore she heard the Transfiguration Professor let out a sniff of disapproval at her nose at the harsh way Remus had spoken to her just now. "I _do_ apologize on behalf of my former student. I'm sure you are aware his monthly cycles—"

But Tonks held up a hand and cut off Gryffindor's Head of House mid-sentence.

"I—I'm fine, Professor, I'm okay, really," she managed, breathing in a shaking breath, and forcing a laugh. "I—I'm a bit light-headed, I'll admit, and more than a little embarrassed, mum…"

"No need for that," the goblin barked in a hoarse voice, offering Tonks a twisted, grotesque smile as he scrunched his huge, pug-like nose in disgust towards the direction that Professor Lupin had vanished towards. " _Remus_ is the one who should feel shame for how he behaved, not you, miss. Did he hurt you, Miss Tonks?" The goblin was looking at her with worried, wide, unblinking black eyes that made Tonks feel a little uneasy. "I mean to say, are you able to come away with me? Out of the courtyard? We'll take you back inside. Can you walk at all? Werewolves are a volatile lot, Miss Tonks. Not to be _trusted_ ," he spat, in a tone that was seeped with anger.

The sudden shift in the creature's tone gave Tonks pause, and she furrowed her brows in alarm as she swiveled her head to the side to regard Arym in utter disbelief, unable to believe what she was hearing.

Though if Arym noticed Tonks silently observing him as she gave a brief but curt nod, the goblin paid it no mind as the creature turned towards Professor Dumbledore, who was regarding the tall goblin interestedly out of the corner of his blue orbs. Arym breathed out a slow breath and continued, unaware that Tonks was staring at the goblin in awe.

She stared, taking in the poor creature's features. This was only the second time she had been in this thing's presence, and yet, he was an unusual bloke, this Arym. She did not flinch, did not gasp at his grotesqueness, whereas other witches might have flinched away, at least, Tonks merely stared at Arym.

His coarse red hair that reminded her strangely of her old friend, Charlie Weasley, fell to the right side of his face, wild, disheveled, and curly, falling into his face.

His nose seemed to be shoved up as far as it could go and maintained a large, rounded shape, like a pug's nose.

And yet, despite the creature's most unusual and rather grotesque appearance, if Tonks were being honest with herself, she could detect no hint of malice or deceit, as she had been warned to expect from his species. Arym, surprisingly enough, seemed to care for her, judging by the way he spoke, and rose to her defense.

"I think I need to take your Auror back inside now, Professor Dumbledore, if I might. It's getting quite late, it's not getting any warmer out here, and with your trial, Miss Tonks, you'll want to be adequately rested, yes?" Arym spoke up in a slightly raised voice to ensure Albus heard his words against the words, who quickly nodded his agreement, as did she.

Arym continued speaking to the Headmaster, not giving Tonks a chance to intervene to say thank you.

"I think your partner needs some space, wouldn't you say, Auror Tonks?" he continued, not looking at her as he spoke, his gaze remaining fixated on Dumbledore. "Professor Lupin seeing Auror Tonks in his… _agitated_ state," he grumbled, and Tonks did not even have to look the goblin in his beady, black eyes to know the man was thinking of Lupin and his monthly cycles, "will only be a danger to them both, given the man's moods."

Tonks couldn't be sure, but she swore she saw a flicker of something unrecognizable dart through his eyes, though as quickly as the foreign emotion that she could not place came, it had vanished as Arym turned to look at Tonks, whose blush intensified, as Arym had caught her staring at him longer than was appropriate.

"Try to ensure Professor Lupin doesn't follow?" he asked, nodding his head when Minerva gave a nod.

The Transfiguration Professor let out a haggard-sounding sigh and looked wearily towards the castle. "I think it is a safe assumption to say that our poor teacher's mind is on _other_ things at the moment." Minerva frowned as she looked up at the castle as she thought of the way one of her best and brightest students had reacted in an almost volatile way towards the young witch standing in front of her, who still looked, for lack of a better word here, quite stunned.

Tonks hesitated, biting down on her bottom lip, and sticking it out in a slight pout. "I should go find Professor Lupin and tell him how sorry I am," she whispered in a small voice and was surprised when both the goblin and McGonagall shook their heads.

"No, my dear," Minerva answered before Arym could open his lips to vehemently protest, casting the tall goblin a curious look, though she forced her attention to return back to Tonks. "Let the man have his space. He said he would speak to you about this matter come the morning. I suggest you honor his request and heed it, my dear. Besides, it's getting late, and we have just about concluded our search of the castle. Nothing will be solved just yet anyway. You should do as the goblin suggested and go with him."

Minerva looked as though she didn't really know what to make of her own advice, though Tonks nodded, not about to question the advice from Lupin's colleague.

Tonks let out a tired sigh and muttered a half-hearted goodnight to Albus and Minerva under her breath as the goblin tugged on her forearm and she reluctantly allowed herself to be led back up to the castle and away from Professor McGonagall and Dumbledore.

As she walked, she could not quite shake the horrible feeling of dread from creeping its way up and down her back like a spider leaving a careful trail of silk in her wake, feeling this spider's feet upon her pale skin.

She could not shake the feeling that all of this was her fault, and the only thing she could pray for as Arym escorted her back up to the castle, was that Remus would forgive her in the morning before Hagrid's trial.


	29. In the Closet

**29**

**TONKS** had a few minutes the following morning before Hagrid or Professor Dumbledore would come hunting her down to tell her that it was time for them to leave for the Ministry, so she'd stepped out onto the front steps of the castle for a breath of fresh air, and to watch the sunrise, basking in its warmth.

Lupin had not been at breakfast this morning, though she attributed it and his poor behavior from last night to the full moon. Not that it, in her mind, excused how he had yelled at her, though it was nevertheless not a conversation she looked forward to having with the man once he re-emerged later on.

Despite the fact that it was cold, Tonks had dressed for Hagrid and Buckbeak's hearing in a simple pair of black flared trousers and a short-sleeved white blouse and black ballet flats, wishing she could have opted for her combat boots, but unfortunately, court appearances required a more professional appearance, she thought, grumbling under her breath.

She shivered, wrapping her arms around herself tighter for warmth as a cold burst of air wafted through the front of the castle, wishing she'd thought to grab her cloak.

Though it was still incredibly early and dark out, the young witch found it peaceful. Unaware of her own heart beating or the rise and fall of her chest, the Auror allowed herself to drift into a state of semi-consciousness and felt a small smile tug at the corners of her mouth as Tonks reflected back on the last few evenings spent in Lupin's company, getting to know her partner's personality better, leading up to their Hogsmeade date tomorrow afternoon.

She'd hated the way the two of them had parted with one another last night, how she could not shake the feeling that she had inconvenienced him, put his life at risk by having to have Lupin come and get her from the library with Black at large.

Tonks found her mind drifting back to the moment where she had woken up in the man's arms. Her skin still burned from where he had touched her. Her heart was beating erratically in her chest so hard that she thought it might burst.

The feeling was new, foreign to her, admittedly. Not even when she had been dating Ollie had it ever felt quite like this.

She had butterflies in her stomach, but Tonks didn't deny that it felt good. Hearing his voice always made her heart pound loudly against her chest and just seeing the man-made Tonks draw in a breath that would hurt and she oft forgot to breathe.

_And his eyes_ , she thought, a dreamy look on her face. _I've_ _never seen eyes like his before. How all it takes is just one look and_ _his eyes tell an entire story just by looking at him. Brown with just a fleck of gold at the edges. His eyes are_ _beautiful, just like him_.

Whenever Remus Lupin would meet her gaze, his eyes burned Tonks's like she'd been staring at the sun for too long, but she would be ensnared in his gaze, and unable to look away, and nor did Tonks particularly want to, really.

When Remus smiled at her, it was enough to make her go weak at the knees. His smile was beautiful, pure, and made him look years younger than his actual age of thirty-three years old.

When he walked, the way he moved, looking effortlessly handsome, every step he took was deliberate and graceful, the exact opposite of how she was whenever she walked around.

There was something about Remus John Lupin that woke up the pure side of her spirit.

When Tonks was around Lupin, she did not feel the cold mists that the Dementors' presence so close to the castle caused or the life that continued beyond Hogwarts. In fact, Tonks couldn't even remember the last letter she had sent to her mum and dad describing her duties here.

"Here you are, _ich habe dich gesucht_ , my friend," breathed a familiar female voice, a German woman's, startling Tonks out of her thoughts of her partner.

Tonks jumped, grabbing the strap of her black leather purse, and swinging her bag over her shoulders, and felt the heat rise to her cheeks as she stood up, brushing her hands on the seat of her black pants.

"Norah?' she stammered. "What are you doing here this early?" Tonks shot her a furtive, guilty look and hoped the young blonde witch and werewolf didn't notice her blushing.

"I've been looking for you, Dora, we've got about twenty minutes, and then we have to get _going_ , what are you _doing_ out here?" Norah questioned, quirking a thin brow Tonks's way.

If it was possible, her blush intensified, though Tonks had no time to react as Norah's face paled and turned an interesting shade of green.

Tonks immediately felt her concern for her friend escalate to a whole new level as the young blonde werewolf shot out an arm and braced herself against the stone wall of the castle as she dry heaved and gagged, though nothing, thank Merlin, was coming up.

Tonks couldn't tell if it was due to the full moon approaching in another two days, the day after her date with Lupin to Hogsmeade, or if this was merely the morning sickness of Norah's pregnancy taking its toll.

She was only about a moon or two along, but enough to be affected. Tonks waited patiently for Norah to get her bearings as the young blonde righted her posture and stood up straight after a moment.

She was looking a little bit better, though her pale, peaky face still carried a faint tinge of green Tonks did not like. "Norah?" Tonks questioned, staring at Norah in alarm. She took a cautious half-step forward with the intent of grabbing onto her friend's arm. "What _is_ this? Do you need the Hospital Wing? Is it…the baby or is it…your condition?" she whispered.

She was careful to keep her voice low in the event students in the hallway happened to be passing by as Tonks latched onto the young blonde werewolf's arm and escorted her inside so she wouldn't have to linger out in the cold, sensing in her current vulnerable physical condition, both with her pregnancy and the full moon approaching, standing outside made Norah uneasy.

" _Both_ ," Norah managed to gasp out in a weak sounding voice. "I—it's getting the better of me, I'm afraid. I think I can at least get through the trial today before I'll have to go home," Norah swallowed, still looking like she was about to vomit. "Ollie's watching the Menagerie for me today so I could come to the trial to support you, but I…I was actually hoping for a small favor," she began, suddenly sounding nervous as she shrugged out of Tonks's arm and looked away from the Auror, biting her bottom lip and nervously twisting her fingers together. "I—I understand that Professor Lupin takes Wolfsbane Potion every month. Snape makes it for him," she added, scrunching her nose in disgust as she remembered her old Head of House when she was enrolled here in Hogwarts as a member of Slytherin House. "I—it's too late for me this moon cycle, but do you think he would mind if I ah, took some _home_ with me for next month?" Norah begged.

Tonks immediately felt her face drain of color, what little of it was left to begin with as she looked at the desperate witch currently regarding her with brimming almond-shaped bright blue eyes, her expression holding a pleading look that Tonks was not admittedly used to seeing in her friend and now ex-boyfriend's wife and soon-to-be mother of her and Ollie's kid.

"Oh, but I—I _can't_!" Tonks breathed. "Snape is a volatile man, Norah, I don't know if you remember this about your old Head of House. If he _caught_ us in his office without his permission," she muttered, not bothering to repress the tremor that went down his spine, though her voice trailed off as her friend made an odd, wounded noise at the back of her throat, an animalistic sound that reminded Tonks of the noise a wounded puppy would make, almost a whimper, after it had been kicked by its master, and this gesture tugged at Nymphadora's heart.

" _Please_ , Tonks," Norah begged, swallowing down hard past a lump in her throat and staggering backward as they paused in the Great Hall.

Tonks did not particularly like how her friend was looking. Her face was quite green, and she looked like she was going to be sick.

"L—let me put it to you this way, if—if something goes wrong, if Snape _does_ catch us in his office, I can promise you, that _I_ will bear the brunt of the blame, Dora. Besides, what the bloody hell is he going to do to us? We're not students, he can't give us detention or expel us. _Please_. I—I wouldn't even _ask_ if I didn't need it," Norah pleaded.

Tonks let out an awkward groan. "That's precisely what I'm afraid is going to happen to you, Jameson," Tonks muttered darkly under her breath, while she turned away, deep in thought.

Norah waited patiently as Tonks fought the internal conflict inside of her mind. Most witches in this damned bloody castle, save for the other professors, were terrified of Severus Snape, and most would be afraid of taking Norah's offer up out of fear of what Snape might do if he happened to catch them in the act.

But Norah sensed this was not the case with Ollie's former girlfriend, but first and foremost, before she had been that, Tonks had been her friend. No, that was entirely not the case.

No, something else was on Dora Tonks's mind right now. Raising her eyebrows in alarm, Norah could not help but scoff in response to the young Auror's comment. No wonder Remus Lupin had been so tormented a few weeks ago when she dropped off his grindylow and he'd sought her advice in private.

This girl had the power to tear the older werewolf to pieces with just a single retort of overflowing empathy.

Norah began to doubt that her friend would help her obtain a few vials of Wolfsbane Potion, as it meant breaking into Severus's office, but despite her initial hesitancy, Tonks accepted her request.

"Follow me, I will help you out as best as I can, Norah, but try to stay quiet," Tonks murmured in a hushed, low whisper and she quickened her pace as she led Norah into the dungeons.

When they arrived outside of Severus Snape's office, Norah knew Tonks was nervous.

Beginning to feel more than a little guilty about the tense and precarious position she had placed one of her closest friends in, Norah confidently stepped forward and rapped on the closed wooden door with her knuckles. If Snape was inside, she was going to give him a chance to offer some of his stock of Wolfsbane Potion politely, but if not…

Well, then she would just slip in and _take_ it, and that would be that. Norah turned at the waist and studied Tonks's expression for a moment and immediately fought the urge to laugh. Judging by the look in Dora Tonks's eyes, Remus had taken her advice and had been honest with his feelings for her.

"You have stars in your eyes, my friend," Norah chuckled.

"Mmm? Do I?" Tonks murmured, only half paying attention to what her friend was saying, and she was distracted, considering her gaze darted every which way as she kept a lookout for Snape striding down the hallway. "What for?"

Norah's smile widened. "I take it then from that look on your face, Dora, that you and Mr. Lupin are becoming… _close_? I figured you might. He's been alone in this world far too long. Forgive me for being so forward, but you might be the first witch I think he's opened up to like this in a long time, Tonks."

"He—he did," Tonks muttered, seeming surprised. "He's very kind. And sweet," she added, getting a faraway look in her pale gray eyes that Norah immediately recognized, having seen it for herself whenever she looked into her husband's blue eyes. It seemed a moment before Dora Tonks spoke up again. "He—we're going to Hogsmeade tomorrow, Norah," Tonks whispered, her pale gray eyes twinkling infectiously, and she barely succeeded in hiding her excitement from her friend.

At that remark, Norah broke into a mischievous grin that made her feel like she was a student back at Hogwarts again.

"Really?" she breathed, not having learned of this part. Lupin had remained rather silent about his and her partnership. "Sounds like you made…quite the impression on the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, then I take it? He's handsome enough, and he seems to be quite the charmer on occasion."

Tonks's eyes briefly widened upon hearing Norah's words, though she quickly shrugged, trying to brush off her friend's words, internally, she was delighted and already counting down the hours until Hagrid's trial was over and to tomorrow.

She could only hope that Remus would feel well enough and recovered from whatever awful sickness was ailing him by then.

"I guess I must have," Tonks admitted, pondering over Norah's words as she gingerly outstretched her arm and swung open the door, murmuring the Lumos incantation under her breath and was rewarded by the brilliant burst of white light. "I…what the hell?" Tonks swore, halting in her tracks in the middle of Snape's office, staring in awe and dread at the wooden ladder behind the Potions Master's desk, where, perched in a somewhat precarious fashion on top of his desk, was a still-bubbling cauldron of Wolfsbane Potion, made for Remus. Tonks inwardly groaned and squeezed her eyes tightly shut.

_Ugh. Of course, Norah would ask me to climb all the way up there. It's too risky to use the Accio Charm with all those other vials around. What if I knocked something over? Bloody hell, Snape would murder me if I spilled something. No, I'm going to have to do this the Muggle way and climb up there and get it._

"Stay here, I don't want you climbing this in your condition, Norah. I'll get it for you," Tonks grumbled, shooting Norah a disgruntled look, silently signaling the young blonde wolf would owe her one. Norah nodded, though she smiled.

"Buy you lunch today during the trial's recess?" Norah incentivized, and that was more than enough for Tonks. The pink-haired Auror was never one to turn down free food. Tonks nodded, determination and resolve etched upon her features as she blew out a breath and strode around Snape's desk and towards the ladder, beginning to climb the damn thing.

Tonks swore under her breath almost the whole climb up the ladder and stopped at the top rung, fumbling in her free hand with the vial that Norah had handed her, dipping the vial in the pewter cauldron of Wolfsbane Potion sitting on the shelf. Why the hell Severus had put it all the way up here, Tonks didn't know, and nor did she really care.

All she wanted was to get the potion that would her friend and _leave_.

A thought occurred to Norah, and her gray eyes lit up in intrigue as she turned towards Norah, a dry, sardonic snort escaping her lips. "You know, Norah, I never really—" Tonks started to say, but was then interrupted by the sound of someone gently rapping on the doorframe of Snape's open door to announce their presence.

Tonks froze, swiveling her head to the source of the noise, a guilty look on her too-pale face, thinking it was Snape and the two witches had been found the hell out. Remus, of all people, stood in the doorway to Snape's office, his tall, slender form towering in the door's frame, his peaky, drawn face half-concealed in the shadows.

His arms were crossed, and he leaned against the doorframe for support, and he looked like he was torn between the desire to scold the witches for being an area where they ought not to be and overcome with curiosity and a strange desire to laugh, by the way, the corners of his mouth twitched upwards in a sardonic smile.

He was looking admittedly much better than Norah was, not quite as sick, though still quite peaky and tired, Tonks noticed, and Tonks watched as Lupin's lips parted open to speak, though Norah interjected with a quip of her own before her partner could so much as get a word in.

"Professor Lupin!" Norah chirped happily, her blue eyes alight now with a wicked gleam reminiscent of her and Tonks' time together as classmates when they'd get detention together. "It's a _surprise_ seeing you up and about so early. What can we do for you? Have you taken your potion yet this morning, sir?"

Remus, thank Merlin, seemed to be in a much better mood this morning than he had been last night, for which Tonks was grateful as she watched the man roll his eyes in gest at Norah's comment.

"Oh, I'm sorry, am I not allowed to engage you in a conversation, Miss Jameson? Is that not permitted?" he teased. "I'll remember that the next time I place an order with your shop," he joked towards Norah, but his gaze locked on Tonks.

Norah scoffed, returning Remus's eyeroll.

"Oh, please, Professor, don't start!" Her tone was harsh, but her eyes playful. "We _both_ know the _real_ reason you came down here, yes? To say your goodbyes to your partner. You won't see her for almost a full _eight_ hours, whatever on _earth_ will you _do_ with all of your free time, Mr. Lupin," Norah hissed, jerking her head up towards the ladder where the pink-haired young Auror had frozen in the middle of the rung, halfway down the ladder.

Norah furrowed her brows as her friend had such an utter look of shock on her face that under different circumstances and if she were feeling better and not about to vomit, she might have laughed. Tonks's face was ashen, her posture stiffened. Tonks seemed frozen, unable to speak or look at Lupin.

Lupin shot Norah a dark look as his face paled at her comment. Norah fell silent and clamped a hand affectionately over her mouth, her inquisitive gaze flitting from Remus towards Dora.

Though the full moon wasn't until Sunday, and Professor Lupin was looking just as ill and exhausted as Norah felt, there was no denying she thought the werewolf was looking exceptionally put together in a simple dark blue sweater and heather grey trousers.

"I came to speak to my partner, Miss Jameson," Lupin retorted pleasantly, his tone cautious but quite polite. "That is, if you will allow Miss Tonks to spare a moment of your time?"

Norah threw up her hands in surrender and took a step backward. "Don't let me stop you, Professor. She's all yours."

_Oooh, I can't wait to tell Moody when he stops by later. He won't believe this_ , Norah thought excitedly.

The look in the man's eyes as he looked at Dora was almost too much. There was no doubt in Jameson's mind. The Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher was smitten. Norah stepped back into the corner of Snape's office to silently watch the unusual but endearing scene before her play out as Tonks continued to make her way down the ladder.

"What are you doing in here, Dora?" Remus asked, his brown eyes gleaming with intrigue as he made his way over to the ladder, one hand on the side of the ladder to support it. "You _do_ know this is Professor Snape's office, don't you?"

"I…I, yes…I—I was just…helping Norah out, Remus, that's all. We're not doing anything _stupid_." When Tonks opened her mouth to speak, nothing coherent was coming out, save for fragmented words.

She felt her cheeks burn and her stomach was heavy and twisting in uncomfortable knots. Her body numbed and Tonks became painfully aware of the scar above her left eyebrow, wondering if Lupin would notice it later on during their date.

What would he think or say to her? Bloody hell, what would she say for that matter? What even, besides Sirius, would they talk about? _Oh, Merlin's pants, help me. Save me from this…_

"Getting a couple of vials of Wolfsbane for Norah," Tonks said at last through gritted teeth, waving the vials in her hand.

She was just coming down off the middle rung when she felt the ladder begin to tilt, and as a result, let out a startled gasp of surprise as her heel missed the rung and she fell to the floor.

Tonks blearily looked up, just in time to see the ladder tilting and falling right towards her from where she sat in a crumpled heap on the cold, cobblestone floor of Snape's dark office.

She shielded her face, bracing herself for the impact, but it never came. Tonks cracked open one eye and found that Lupin had moved with surprising speed to cover her and shield from the ladder as it fell.

Tonks blinked owlishly at what he'd done. She hadn't even heard him move. The man was silent. _Silent_.

Remus met Dora's eyes and the young witch felt her breaths catch in her throat. Lupin's brown eyes were blazing as he looked up. He was growing angry, and hopefully not with her.

That would be twice now in the span of two days that Tonks had managed to make him angry, and that had been something she had desperately been hoping to avoid if she could at all help it.

Remus stood, tossing aside the ladder, and shooting a dark glower at Norah Jameson that, had he the ability, surely would have turned the young blonde witch and werewolf to stone.

Lupin held out a hand to help Tonks up, who shakily accepted the man's help, rising to her feet and drawing in a breath of cold, damp air, courtesy of the dungeons that pained her lungs. She didn't think twice about enveloping Lupin in a tight hug, her fingers clutching the back of his sweater for support.

"Thanks, Remus," Tonks croaked hoarsely.

Startled, Lupin was shocked at the intimate gesture but quickly returned her embrace, thinking how wonderful it felt to be holding the witch in his arms. He pulled apart first, not letting the hug linger in front of Norah, holding Tonks at arm's length to examine his partner for any injuries. His hand moved lower as it had touched the side of Tonks's face gently. Her skin was soft, so pristine. Milky. Creamy. Unblemished, untouched.

For a moment, the wolf within Lupin wondered what her kiss would taste like. This thought caused his hand to move down lower as the pads of his fingers grazed against her collarbones.

Lupin pointedly lowered his hand and let it fall to his side the moment he felt a strange burning spread throughout his body. It was something he had never felt before.

He sometimes felt the low hum in his body when Tonks came to him to talk, the way that she had a habit to chew on the tip of her quill before dipping it into the ink to write, or the way she would bite her thumbs while thinking.

His body ached until it was an overwhelming need, and Merlin be damned, he wanted this woman, his partner….in that way…. The throbbing of his heart was worsening, and he found it almost painful. Sweat was perspiring on his forehead and making him feel feverish, though he supposed that could also be the effects of the full moon beginning the day after their Hogsmeade date. He could hear his heart in his roaring eardrums and his breathing seemed awfully loud.

Lupin could not remember the last time he felt so out of control, never felt so…in need of something. This was painful, unyielding, demanding.

Tonks flinched as his gaze landed on her bandaged hand, the only evidence left that Buckbeak had attacked her. The blood had soaked through her dressings, but nothing she couldn't mend on her own prior to leaving for the trial.

Remus pulled his gaze away reluctantly from Tonks and turned towards Norah, a muscle in his jaw twitching as his facial muscles tensed and his eyes lost all semblance of warmth for the she-wolf.

"What on earth were you _thinking_ , Miss Jameson, having my partner climb up to steal Wolfsbane from Severus's private office? Have you no sense of the position you've put Dora in?" he shouted, balling his hands into fists at his side.

Norah, for her part, merely proceeded to raise her eyebrows and smirk in a triumphant manner at the older werewolf.

"That was quite a catch, Professor," Norah complimented. "It's a good thing you stopped by Snivellus's office when you did! You know, if you were waiting for the opportune moment to kiss your partner…this was _it_ ," she chuckled, seeming to relish in the growing blush along both of their cheeks. She shook her head, still giggling, and sauntered outside of Snape's door. "I'll just um…give you a moment to say your _goodbyes_."

The young blonde werewolf ducked out of Snape's office before either of them could protest. Tonks frowned at the doorway until Norah's silhouette disappeared from view, pursing her lips into a thin line and gave her head a curt shake to clear it, and felt herself start to lean forward, though she managed to catch herself in Lupin's strong grip.

"Are you all right?" he murmured, lowering his voice on the off-chance that Norah was lingering just outside of Severus's door, wanting his next words to be private, meant for Dora and her alone.

"Just fine," Tonks chirped brightly, brushing her hands on the seat of her black pants before shooting Lupin a kind, soft smile, which widened the moment she felt Lupin place his hand on her back and gently steer her towards Severus's door.

Remus could think of no better way than to spend a Friday evening with his partner when she got back from the trial and just talking, though the wolf within him had… _other_ thoughts, as well….

Lupin knew he wanted nothing more than to take the next step with her but did not know-how.

Tonks watched as Remus turned away, savoring her partner's every movement, unable to remember the last time she'd felt so bloody nervous. Yet, being here in Snape's office with the man, as unorthodox as it was, finally realizing that she was falling in love with the man, Tonks could not recall a time when she felt even more at ease.

Spurred by the closeness the two shared in the quiet moment and eager to show Lupin her true feelings, Tonks could no longer stand the wall, this chasm between the two of them, thinking if she didn't do something, she might well just explode.

The moment he turned on his heel to escort Tonks outside to where Norah was waiting for them, she crossed the dank room and stood in front of Remus, halting the Defense Against the Dark Arts' Professor's movement, which surprised him.

Grabbing onto his biceps with her trembling hands, Tonks steadied him, forcing Remus to meet her intense gaze

. "I—I was going to wait, but I…I _can't_ ," she whispered. Unsure, disbelieving her own actions, her mind screaming at her to stop this, it was too soon, but wanting more than anything else to be closer in an intimate way with her partner, Tonks cradled Lupin's head in her hands and pressed her hungry lips against his mouth and passionately kissed.

He'd obviously had a bite or two of chocolate earlier, she could taste it on his lips. It was one of the two or three foods that made his stomach feel better in the days leading up to and after the full moon cycles, Lupin had told her.

Lupin stood stock still and frozen by the door, unable to move, unable to think, the little office of Snape's spinning in circles as he tasted Tonks's lips.

Remus was utterly shocked and at a loss, but the tentative stupor of finally being given that which he'd realized he wanted the most over the last few weeks, and being afraid that if he moved, even a fraction of an inch, she would disappear.

He could not afford to take any risks. Even if this was exactly what Dora wanted, he had to be certain. Lupin could barely bring his own lips to meet hers. Never before had he been so affected by a woman.

If James were still alive, he'd have mercilessly teased him about it. So would Sirius…

Never before had he been so sure of his feelings, and yet so uncertain of his own actions. He felt like an awkward little boy, fumbling through his first time. Lupin remained stone. Impassive. Her hands rested against his chest and Tonks moved her mouth so she could kiss him better on the mouth, propelling him back slightly.

Her lips were soft against his and he noted her eyes were closed. Lupin saw no choice but to follow suit and waited, the feeling strange, though as he felt Dora's lips against his, electricity radiated from his lips and down his body and jutted out his limbs.

Lupin felt overcome. Overwhelmed with a horrible, aching need. Tonks belonged to him. She was his partner. Her entire life was in his hands, and Lupin knew he could not adequately express this to her through contact. This feeling that rested as a fiery warmth deep in his chest, this feeling he could not explain…Remus loved it.

He truly liked it, cherished it. Looking at Dora, seeing her, it gave him… _peace_. Happiness. Something that was otherwise missing from a desolate, lonely life. Feelings that had never been available to him since James and Lily's deaths, and Sirius's betrayal. He tilted his head as they broke apart to look at Tonks.

_Beautiful_ , he thought. _Perfect…all mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine_.

He said it over and over again. It was the only word that came to his mind as he looked at Nymphadora Tonks. This feeling was heavily rooted within him, consuming Lupin's mind. He wished that he had a word for this feeling.

That same word kept repeating over and over. _Mine. Mine. All mine. No one else's. Just mine_.

Shaken and shocked, Tonks broke apart, her face flushed, pale gray orbs searching his face for the truth. Her hurt expression registered her confusion as she lowered her hands from his face and brought one of them up to cover her mouth as Tonks turned away. Horrified by the display of affection she had bestowed upon her partner, Tonks gawked at Lupin. She stood there, numb, rooted to her spot, and then took a fumbling step backward from him in embarrassment.

"I—I'm sorry, Remus. Forgive me," she begged desperately, utterly mortified. "I didn't mean…"

As Tonks took a cautious step towards the door, meaning to brush past her partner and catch up with Norah in the hallway who was waiting for her to escort her to the trial, Remus caught Tonks gently by the wrist and spun her around to face him, a solemn expression on his lined and scarred face.

"Dora. _Stop_ ," he implored her, desperate to make her see. "The only thing I want is to be close to you, to hold you, to kiss you…to be with you, as your…your boyfriend, for you to be my...my mate, if—if you would have me, in that way," he murmured, his voice lowering and heavy desire for the young woman now in his arms. "The last thing I want in this life is to ever hurt you."

His affection-filled eyes met hers, gleaming with unshed moisture that was not exactly tears, but love. "But are you _sure_? Is this…is me…what you want?" he asked, reaching up a hand to gently caress her face.

For a moment, Tonks was dumbstruck. Speechless. She could not speak. Could not think, all she could do was nod, unable to tear her gaze away from his. She was awestruck by the lengths that Remus went to care for her, and it was at that moment that she realized why her partner had not reciprocated her kiss the way that she had hoped, and she loved him more for it.

He had wanted Tonks to be completely assured of them, and comfortable with having Remus in her life. Tonks took a moment to mirror his emotions and brought her hands to his face, not caring if Norah was somehow spying on them.

"I've never been surer of anything in my life," she declared, smiling softly at him, tears welling in her eyes, though she swallowed hard and blinked them back. "Where should I meet you for our Hogsmeade date, Remus?" Tonks asked.

"The Three Broomsticks? Will eight be too late for you?" he questioned, a small smile flitting across his flushed face, and Remus was looking quite dazed as he carded his fingers through his hair, unable to believe what had just happened to him.

"I'll be there," Tonks promised, chuckling a little at Remus's dazed expression. His light brown eyes were twinkling at the moment and hopeful.

Their moment was short-lived, however, and interrupted as the sound of heavy, approaching footsteps, much too heavy to belong to Norah, filled the corridor, heading straight for Snape's office.

Tonks jolted out of her thoughts of their date tomorrow and looked towards Severus Snape's open door, and the mess she'd made of his office.

The ladder when it had fallen, had accidentally knocked aside a few of his vials and as a result, had shattered glass fragments everywhere on the floor.

"Snape's coming," Remus croaked in a hoarse voice. "Oh, Merlin, oh, _God_ , we need to get you out of here, you—you shouldn't be in here. I—I don't want you to suffer any more on my account, Dora!"

Lupin was looking suddenly panic-stricken as he glanced around wildly at the mess Tonks had accidentally made of his colleague's dimly lit office.

"This was _not_ my fault, Remus. I—I was trying to help Norah, she—she's _sick_ and _pregnant_ ," Tonks whispered, taking note of how Lupin's eyes widened in shock at this revelation of a female werewolf expecting a half-human baby, as though he had never heard of such a concept before until Tonks had just mentioned it.

"What...?" he started to ask, but his voice trailed off at the look of shock on Tonks's face.

"I was only trying to get her the Wolfsbane she needed, at least to get her through next months, she missed her dosages for this cycle, but I gave her enough for next month. Why can't we just tell Snape the truth? I'm sure he'll understand," Tonks began, but Lupin cut her off.

"No, no, talking doesn't work with that man," Lupin snapped, the briefest hints of dislike creeping its way into his tone "He's got a temper, and trust me; you don't want to get on his bad side. I'm not going to let you take the fall for this, it wasn't your fault! Quick, in here!" he urged, grabbing her by her wrist and yanking her forward with more force than she thought possible of him and shoved her inside a closet near one of Professor Snape's shelves. "Don't make a sound, Dora," he cautioned. "I'll cover for you, I won't let you get in trouble," he promised.

His eyes were the last thing she focused her attention on before he slammed the door shut, right just as Professor Snape entered his office.

* * *

**Glad they FINALLY kissed! The next chapter is a fun one as Lupin covers for Tonks from an angry-Snape.**

***** **_ich habe dich gesucht= I've been looking for you, in German._**


	30. To Cover for Her

**30**

**TONKS** couldn't see a damn thing in the closet. She'd barely spent two seconds crouching in the dark, disgusted, crowded hovel of a broom closet that Snivellus dared to call a storage space for his extra supplies, cauldrons, vials, and the like when it suddenly occurred to her just how thirsty she was.

Drinks had always arrived before she knew she wanted one. Her throat felt parched and dry as her heart hammered inside her chest, snaking its way up her throat, forcing her to swallow it back down.

Snape was out there, and she could not let Lupin get into any more trouble if she were found. Squeezing her eyes tightly shut, biting on her bottom lip, she clamped a hand over her mouth and forced her breathing to come to a standstill.

Outside, standing protectively in front of the storage closet, Lupin took a deep breath and willed himself and his mind to remain calm and stoic. He hoped his eyes wouldn't betray his nervousness.

He'd never been a good liar _or_ a good Occlumens, and Snape was admittedly the last person Remus wanted to deal with right now, but it was already entirely too late for that as the sallow-faced, greasy-haired Potions Master stormed into the room.

"Professor Lupin," he growled in a curt voice. "I thought I heard your voice in here, what…"

But Severus's droll baritone trailed off, his black eyes narrowing in disgust as his breaths caught in his throat as he surveyed the mess Tonks and Norah had accidentally made of his office, unbeknownst to him, that Tonks was hiding inside of his own storage closet, and Lupin vowed to _keep_ it that way, to make sure the man stayed ignorant.

He bit down hard on the wall of his cheek and waited for Severus to finish assessing the initial damage to his office, as the Potions Master kicked aside a few shards of glass with the edge of his boot and glared at Lupin.

"What happened in here?" Snape demanded in a voice that sounded hardened, a hint of steel laced throughout his voice. "I _heard_ something, Lupin, was that you? Did _you_ …do _this_?" he growled tersely.

As if to emphasize his point, Severus kicked aside another shard of glass. Lupin swallowed down past the growing lump in his throat, hoping his facial expression remained impassive as he stood rooted to his spot in front of the closet he'd just shoved Tonks unceremoniously through to prevent her from getting into trouble with Professor Snape.

"Yes," Remus answered, perhaps a little too abruptly and quicker than he would have liked. His heart was thundering, racing in his chest, bracing himself for the worst of his former schoolmate's temper, though his temper was nowhere near as bad as Black's. But he would endure it if it meant Dora would be safe from the worst of his temper.

_I'm not going to let you get into trouble for this, Dora_ , he silently vowed, his mind and heart still racing over the passionate kiss they had shared.

Lupin gave his head a curt shake to clear his mind, forcing thoughts of Dora Tonks from his mind for the time being, lest it give him away to Snape, and then they'd both never hear the end of it.

When Severus did manage to regain control of his voice, it shook and trembled with pure rancor.

There was an edge to the Potions Master's voice as the sound of crunching glass filled Tonks's eardrums with a roaring sound that caused her hearing to ring in her ears from her hiding place.

Snape kicked aside the fallen ladder, she could hear it.

_He's doing his best to control his anger_ , Tonks thought wildly, keeping her hand clamped over her mouth. Tonks forced her breathing to come to almost a standstill, bracing herself for the tempest of anger that the man's temper was about to unleash, and it took all of Tonks's inner strength and resolve not to fumble her out of this disgusting closet that was murder on her allergies to prevent Remus from getting into trouble on her behalf.

"What happened in here that would cause you to make such a godforsaken mess of my _personal_ office, Professor Lupin?" Snape demanded in a dangerously low and quiet voice that caused Tonks to flinch.

She almost— _almost_ —would have preferred it if the man had shouted, and briefly, she wondered if Remus did too, though she couldn't see her partner's face to better gauge Lupin's reaction. She wished she could see Remus's face, but she imagined by the sudden silence that befell the room, that Lupin was doing some very quick thinking.

It seemed to take him a moment to answer, and when he did, the tone of his voice was calm and collected.

"Miss Jameson is accompanying Miss Tonks to Professor Hagrid's trial this morning and she was ah, suffering from the ill effects of the upcoming full moon. She wished to know if you had any spare Wolfsbane Potion that she could take home with her for consumption next month, and she and I _looked_ for you but could not find you…"

Tonks stifled a squeak of surprise and bit down hard enough on her lip to bleed as the sound of footsteps came barreling through the door, and Norah Jameson's voice rent the air, panting, and sounding thoroughly winded, as though she'd run all the way down the corridor in those heels of hers.

"Oh, _good_ , Miss Jameson, you're just in time," Lupin answered in a pleasant voice, though Tonks, from her hiding place, was able to detect the note of audible relief in her partner's tone. "Would you care to _explain_ to Professor Snape the _mess_ that you accidentally made of his office moments ago?"

Tonks felt the edges of her lips curl up in the beginnings of a deliciously wicked smirk, and she had to bite down hard on her lip to prevent the giggle that was trying so hard to escape her throat.

She could hear Norah splutter and stammer to think of a retort.

"It—it was like this when I _got_ here," she heard the German werewolf stammer indignantly, barely managing to control herself. "Who knows, Snape, maybe one of your students broke into your office and trashed the place for a dare," Norah Jameson chirped jovially, and Tonks could hear the sound of Snape's office repairing itself as she envisioned Severus, Remus, and maybe even Norah using their wand to repair the damage.

Tonks bit down on her knuckles to keep from erupting into laughter, thinking she would owe Remus one and have to make it up to him when she got back from the trial. Lupin coughed once to mask his own laughter as they all heard Snape call Norah something neither of them dared repeat under his breath, but Severus was not buying it at.

Lupin froze as the Potions Master glowered at his colleague from across the cobblestoned floor.

Remus let out a haggard sigh and pinched at the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger.

"Let it _go_ , Severus," he muttered, his quiet voice calm and collected despite the tension that was hanging in the air between the three of them, so thick, he could try to cut the air with a knife, and he'd make nary a scratch.

"Why should I?" Snape spat meanly, narrowing his gaze and folding his arms across his chest, waiting for Lupin to elaborate.

"I admit that, _yes_ , I attempted to help Miss Jameson procure some of the Wolfsbane for her, but when she did not want my help, I held back and did not stop her. I apologize for the mess that we made. But please, don't take this out on Miss Jameson, you cannot fault her for wanting the _one_ thing that makes our condition more bearable. Will you let her take some?" he beseeched, looking towards Norah's rapidly paling face, hoping the blonde wolf wasn't about to get sick all over Severus's office.

That was the last thing they needed, given his foul mood.

Snape merely grunted wordlessly in response, and Tonks thought it something short of a damned bloody miracle of Merlin the man's temper hadn't imploded already. She held her breath and waited.

Tonks heard Professor Snape let out a haggard sounding sigh, and when he spoke, the note of annoyance and impatience in his voice was evident.

"Miss Jameson, I expect to have a few _words_ with you upon your return from the trial later this afternoon. You may take as much of the Wolfsbane as you need. In fact, if it would keep you _out_ of my office and your _bulbous_ nose out of my personal storage, I would be more than delighted to brew you an entire cauldronful, if both of you will kindly remove yourselves from my office at once," Snape snarled through gritted teeth, his black eyes narrowed and flashing as his gaze flitted from Remus to Norah, both of whom were at a loss.

Lupin swallowed the moment Severus shifted his attention towards him and regarded him silently.

"Haven't you got _papers_ to grade, Lupin? I heard tell that you plan to give Potter private lessons on how to conjure a Patronus," he managed in a casual tone.

Lupin felt his face drain of color as he actively avoided Severus's piercing, listless gaze as he quickly nodded, seeing it would do him no good to lie to Snape in this regard, as word circulated fast.

"I _have_ ," he answered in what he hoped was a steady voice. "You may not like Harry, Severus, given you see much of James in the boy, but he has _talent_ , plenty of untapped potential within him yet to be brought out, and considering the Dementors have taken a personal interest in my friend's son, I would be remiss if I did not at least _attempt_ to help Harry."

Severus made an odd little noise that sounded like a snort of disbelief, and Tonks shrank back further into the closet the moment she heard the Potions Master's footfalls coming to stand directly in front of the broom closet, and in front of Remus.

Lupin murmured something inaudible to Snape under his breath that Tonks didn't quite catch, but he fell silent when Snape stepped closer.

Remus inwardly screamed at the sheer awkwardness of the situation he had gotten himself in, more so wondering how Tonks managed to get herself into these precarious positions on a frequent basis, making a mental note to ask her later today.

Lupin fell silent and seemed to deflate and wallow under Severus's unusually stony, cold glower. As Snape glared at Lupin, his black, fathomless pits of coal became utterly listless as he looked into his colleague's eyes, searching for any hint Remus was lying to him. "You seem… _troubled_ , Professor Lupin."

"Troubled? No, no trouble," Remus said hastily, looking almost too intently at a spot on the shelf behind Snape's head, though the words were barely out of his mouth the moment Tonks's nose tickled as she fought back a sneeze.

The closet Remus had unceremoniously and somewhat roughly shoved her into suffered from a thick layer of dust and grime that was a disgusting grey color. She resisted the urge until she couldn't. Tonks did her best to cover the sneeze with the sleeves of her robes over her outfit, but couldn't stop it from happening, try as hard as she did.

Outside that ridiculous scene, Remus was debating whether or not he was having a panic attack or a heart attack. Both seemed plausible given his paralyzed state, though he was jolted out of his stupor, feeling his eyes widen in shock and horror as he immediately kicked the closet door to cover the sound Tonks had made from deep within the closet.

Lupin coughed and cringed as the Potions Master noticed the Defense Against the Dark Arts' Professor's suspicious behavior as Remus turned his head to the side, faking a cough as Severus's eyes narrowed.

"What was _that_?" Snape growled, glaring at him.

"My apologies, that...that was me, I...sneezed," Lupin managed to gasp out as he slowly swiveled his head back around to regard Snape's narrowed, piercing gaze that felt like it was threatening to burn a hole in the side of his skull.

Lupin flinched only once as Snape moved swiftly and closed off the gap of space between the two wizards. Even though Severus was shorter than Remus by a few feet, he, at the moment, was much more intimidating, but Lupin remained firm in his stance and refused to avert his gaze from him first.

"Allow me to make things _quite_ plain for you, Lupin," Snape hissed through gritted teeth, leaning in so the tip of his slender, slightly crooked nose was almost touching Lupin's. "Let me tell you how it _works_. This is _my_ office. No one—not even you—come in here without my knowing about it. Do I try to go into your office when you aren't there?" he snarled.

Lupin parted his lips to speak, feeling a sheen of sweat start to throng along the front of his temples, though before he could so much as getting a word in edgewise, Norah stepped forward, saving him the trouble of responding, a twisted smirk on her face.

"Um, you know what, Severus? Now that we _did_ manage to find you, I, ah, could really use your help!" Norah chirped, and Lupin could tell by the look on the young blonde witch's face she was doing some relatively quick thinking as she wracked her brain to get Snape out of his office so Lupin would be able to escort Tonks to safety and out of the stuffy damned storage closet.

Lupin felt himself stiffen as the witch's piercing blue eyes briefly flitted from Remus to the closet door.

She smirked but held her tongue, only tearing her gaze away from Lupin when Severus spoke up.

"With _what_ , Jameson?" he snarled hoarsely, striding towards the blonde werewolf, kicking aside a few shards of remaining glass in the process. "Clearly, given by the _mess_ you made of my office just now, it does not seem as though you need or deserve my help."

"There's a um—a—a fully-grown _troll_ that's been giving my husband and me more than a few difficulties in the Forbidden Forest when I came a few days ago to extract its…well, you _don't_ want to know what, but it's purely for medicinal purposes and academic articles," Norah began softly.

Snape groaned and rolled his eyes.

"Fine, _wolf_ , I'll help you, but the next time either one of you _dogs_ gets the bright idea to come in here, when I'm not, _don't_ , or you should find yourselves on a _leash_ in my presence," the Potions Master snarled meanly through clenched teeth as he motioned with a wave of his arm for Jameson to lead the way to the Forbidden Forest.

Norah laughed as she led him out of the room, pausing only once to look back over her shoulder and shoot Lupin a suggestive wink, Snape trailing behind and following suit.

Tonks shielded her eyes at the light as he wrenched the closet door open once they were alone. He smiled at her bewildered expression as she took in what just happened. He held out a hand to help her out.

"I'm sorry you had to listen to that, and for shoving you in the closet," he apologized, looking pained. "I—it was the only thing I could think of, but I couldn't let you get in trouble. Severus is much more even-tempered than that, but you and Miss Jameson especially know how to get under his skin."

Tonks laughed, blinking back tears as they gathered in the corners of her eyes. Lupin smiled. Her laughter was a delight to listen to. Hers was the sound of the summer rain. The sun brightened, no matter the weather. It was as if her laughter lifted a veil from his eyes and allowed him to see the world more clearly.

Professor Lupin hesitated, desperately wishing he could stay, but if he weren't up in his own office and out of Snape's in fifteen minutes, Snape would surely have his head and complain to Dumbledore, and he was already on edge with their Potions Master as it was.

"I must go, I have papers to grade and I'm teaching Harry how to cast the Patronus Charm tomorrow before our date," he said reluctantly, never taking his eyes off Tonks.

" _Wait_!" she cried out, holding out a hand as he turned away from her, preparing to leave. "I…"

He paused and turned, waiting for her to speak.

Tonks glanced wildly around the room, thinking of something—anything—just to be near him a second longer.

"Walk me outside, Remus? It's the least you can do for me after shoving me inside that nasty closet of Snivellus's," she asked, flashing a shy smile at him that practically made the man's heart stop.

"Of course," he said quietly, offering her his arm. It didn't take the pair of them long to reach the courtyard, where Hagrid was already waiting for Tonks, dressed in a horribly furry brown and yellow suit.

Tonks crinkled her nose in disgust at the Gamekeeper's attire but made no comment on it.

Lupin felt the heat rise to his cheeks as Dora looked in his direction and gingerly untangled her arm from his. She smiled at him and Remus immediately snapped his head away, considering Hagrid was curiously watching the subtle exchange.

Remus knew if he continued to stare at her, he would get lost in those bewitching almond-shaped pale grey eyes of Tonks. Even as Hagrid took Tonks's arm and the pair of them Disapparated from the grounds, the ban temporarily lifted to allow Tonks to escort Hagrid and Norah Jameson to the Ministry lifted, Lupin swore he could still feel her eyes on him.

He turned around on his heels to head back inside, silently inhaling and exhaling, hoping that his partner's thoughts about her were good, and his mind, as he headed towards his office, still lingered on the kiss she had given him, hoping, praying, that when she got back, that Tonks would do it again…

* * *

**I love angry Snape lol. Coming up, Tonks learns the outcome of Buckbeak's trial and Lupin goes into fret mode when the pair don't arrive back at the castle at their allotted time.**


	31. Don't Leave Me

**31**

**THIS** had to be by far the most pitiable excuse for a trial in the Wizengamot that Tonks had ever had the misfortune to see. Hagrid was still struggling for something to say in regard to Buckbeak's defense, and Tonks could not take it anymore. She gave Hagrid a stubborn look when the Gamekeeper of Hogwarts opened his mouth to protest.

Tonks quickly shot the half-giant a look as if to say, " _I will handle Fudge. Let me deal with it_."

Tonks and Hagrid stood side-by-side, stone-faced, though she could not help but look sideways out of the corner of her eye at Hagrid, sitting to her immediate left and violently shaking.

_How can this possibly be a fair trial, when the entire Board of Governors is sitting pretty in Lucius Malfoy's pocket waiting to be bought off at the promise of Galleons to line the edges of their pockets, then_?

_Oh, that's right. It isn't_. The voices inside her mind taunted her, screaming at her that she was a failure.

_Why did I even ask_ , Tonks thought, twisting her lips into a pained grimace as she reluctantly tore her gaze away from Hagrid and up towards the stands, where the other Wizengamot members had gathered and seated to Cornelius Fudge's left, was Draco Malfoy's father himself, his handsome, chiseled face a perfect mask of utter indifference.

Lucius Malfoy had made it quite plain to all in attendance that atonement for the hippogriff's attack against his son would only be considered satisfied when there was blood in the mud and the hippogriff's wretched head separated from its body.

_It's not too late. There's still time to try to intervene and try to make them change their mind_. Yet, even as the thought flitted across the young Auror's mind, Tonks knew it was hopeless.

She could see by the look on the Minister of Magic's face that the council had reached a decision, and Tonks flinched as Fudge, without once breaking eye contact from Hagrid or Tonks, spoke in a curt and clipped tone and addressed the members of the Wizengamot seated behind him.

"Has the council reached a decision?" came Fudge's voice, and it did not escape Tonks's attention that the man sounded rather bored, as though he would rather be anywhere else, doing anything else, but in a courtroom discussing the case of a hippogriff attacking a Hogwarts student.

"We have, Minister," came the sharp, shrill tone of Amelia Bones, who, if Tonks was not mistaken, shot her a strangely sympathetic look.

It was more than enough. Tonks felt her heart sink to the pit of her churning stomach.

She'd always liked Amelia Bones. A tough but fair witch and Amelia Bones did not once avert her gaze from Nymphadora as she addressed the entire room, her lips pursed into a thin, rigid line.

"The council finds that the hippogriff, despite your Care of Magical Creatures Professor's intents at conducting an educational lesson in the matter of how to _properly_ deal with hippogriffs, that the creature cannot be allowed to harm another human being. The council moves for an execution. If it pleases you, Minister Fudge, this court session is now adjourned," came Amelia Bones' strict tone.

Tonks had been afraid of the start this would be their decision. Her stomach swooped and churned, and for a moment, she thought she might get sick all over the podium she was resting behind.

Tonks squeezed her eyes shut. It was a nightmare, she was frozen, couldn't move, couldn't think. She almost didn't want to glance at Hagrid out of the corner of his eye at the half-giant's massive broad shoulders slumped in defeat.

She didn't _want_ to look but knew she would never bloody forgive herself if she couldn't summon the courage within her heart to turn at the waist and look the Care of Magical Creatures Professor in the eye and offer her condolences the moment that she heard him start to sniff, swallowing hard, the edges of his hairy beard twitching without prompting. Tonks opened her mouth to try to speak as the entire Wizengamot began to shuffle out of the courtyard, with Minister Fudge and that witless worm, that snake in the night, Lucius Malfoy, right behind Fudge.

Tonks still intended to have words with Malfoy regarding the behavior of her cousin, but she suspected she was going to have to table that discussion for another time. Hagrid needed the comfort more than Malfoy needed a screaming match at the moment.

Though as Tonks watched Malfoy's backside disappear from her line of sight, the fingers of her wand hand gave a spasmodic twitch, itching to plunge into her purse and pull her wand and jinx the blonde-haired sleazebag with a well-aimed Bat Bogey Hex at his spine. Court summons de damned, she could still get him from here if she—

But a loud, inhuman wail pierced the now empty courtroom, causing Tonks's attention to be pulled away from her dark thoughts of exacting revenge against Lucius for brainwashing the entire School Board of Governors and back to Hagrid. Tonks turned toward Hagrid, who was now full-on sobbing at the outcome of the Board's decision.

In Hagrid's wailing was the sound of a heartbreaking, and hearing it tugged at Tonks's heartstrings, as she swallowed back a lump in her throat, at a loss for what to say that might provide comfort to the distraught Gamekeeper and Professor.

As Tonks silently watched Hagrid shake with grief, tears flowing and dripping onto his beard unchecked, there was a part of Tonks that was breaking too, and there was an even bigger part of her that did not want to return yet to Hogwarts and tell Remus the outcome of the trial, but she knew he would find out sooner rather than later.

And Tonks wanted him to learn it from her. Steeling herself, exhaling a shaking breath through her nose, Tonks gingerly approached Hagrid with an arm outstretched and laid it on the man's shoulder, flinching and hoping he didn't notice how Tonks cringed when she touched the half-giant's horrible hairy brown suit.

She couldn't help but wonder just exactly what this garment was made of. Crinkling her nose in disgust, Tonks decided that she did not want to know what it was.

"I'm so _sorry_ , Hagrid. We…we tried our best. the...the best thing we can do now for Buckbeak is to give him a good quality of life left, with whatever time he has left, don't you think?" He did not respond. She sighed. "Wotcher, Hagrid," she mumbled in a quiet voice that hoped it sounded kind, though she cringed as she heard the cracking of her voice as she struggled to reign in her own disappointment. When Hagrid did not respond, Tonks tried again. "Let's go _home_."

Grunting with the effort to help Hagrid to his feet, she could feel her vision beginning to blur as an invisible vice around her chest tightened to squeeze the air from her lungs.

The now-deserted courtroom of the Ministry of Magic rose up around her like an ominous shadow, threatening to engulf them both completely if they did not Apparate back to the school, and fast. Tonks squeezed her eyes shut.

The young woman did not even have to think about where she wanted to go, as Tonks continued to keep her eyes closed shut and filled her mind with visions of her and Hagrid's destination. She knew that the world had stopped making sense not even ten minutes ago, but that they were going home.

More importantly, Tonks was going home.

To Remus.

* * *

As the sun set on yet another day, Lupin was starting to get worried, and his sour mood was not improved at all as he stood by the window of his office. Tonks and Hagrid had been gone all day, and if she wasn't back before nightfall, then he was going to go looking for them both, with or without Professor Dumbledore's consent.

He could not stand here not knowing if something happened. It was becoming increasingly more difficult for Remus to deny in his mind that something was wrong, and before his anxiety got the better of him, Lupin threw on his set of tattered robes and was intent on leaving the castle grounds to go and bring back both of them, to bring her back to him.

Though before he could so much as take one step out of his office door to head towards the Great Hall's front entryway, Remus stifled a groan as he heard a familiar droll baritone emitting from the crackling fire in his fireplace.

"Lupin!" Snape barked in a hoarse sounding voice taut with fury. "I'd like a word with you. _Immediately_ ," he snarled.

Oh, Good Lord above, could this day possibly get _any_ worse? But Merlin's Beard, yes, it could.

Grinding his teeth in frustration, Remus closed his eyes and forced himself to take several deep breaths to control his rapidly swelling temper. He _wanted_ Dora back and Merlin to help him, if Snape delayed him from reaching his goal then—

" **NOW**!" came Severus's voice again, practically shaking with fury. Lupin let out a haggard sigh and carded his fingers through his thick tuft of light brown hair, glancing at his shabby reflection in the window, swearing he noticed another grey hair that could not have been there this morning, no thanks to Snape's attitude.

Stifling a groan of frustration that threatened to escape his lips, Lupin sighed and strode towards the fireplace, intent on getting whatever this was with the Potions Master over, and quickly, so that he could resume his search for Hagrid and Tonks. He kept his eyes squeezed tightly shut, fighting against the swells of nausea that wracked his system at the thought of something horrible happening to his partner and to Hagrid, whom he very much considered a friend.

He had sworn to protect Tonks and always be by her side. Now… Now things were _different_.

She had—she had _kissed_ him. And earlier, it had taken Remus exactly three point two seconds to realize that he was kissing her _back_ , and wanted to continue doing so, for the rest of his life if she'd have him.

Lupin airily brushed his hands on his robes as he cautiously stepped out of the fireplace in Professor Snape's office, calmly ensuring his face remained a perfect mask of neutrality and indifference around the professional Legilimens.

He let out a sigh, wanting to get this over with as quickly as possible.

"You called, Severus?" he asked mildly, glancing up, and quickly had to work to conceal his mild surprise upon finding Harry Potter in Snape's office, a familiar-looking piece of parchment clutched in the sallow-faced Potions Master's hands that made Remus's heart sink to the pit of his stomach.

It was…the _map_.

He swallowed thickly past the lump in his throat as Severus strode around to his desk. An odd, closed expression had appeared on Lupin's face as he wracked his brain to come up with an immediate excuse to cover for James's son.

"Ah, Professor Lupin. How _kind_ of you to join us, it took you long enough," growled Snape. "I'm…surprised that _banshee_ you dare to call your partner isn't here by your side to _defend_ your actions. I have just asked Potter to empty his pockets. He was carrying _this_ ," Snape growled through gritted teeth, waving the Marauder's Map in front of Lupin as he came back around and leaned against the front of his desk. " _Well_?" he demanded, wanting an explanation.

Remus wildly searched for something to say. He could tell by the look on Harry's face that the thirteen-year-old knew he was doing so very quick thinking.

" _Well_? This parchment is very clearly full of _Dark Magic_. Where do you suppose Potter got such an item, _Lupin_?" came Snape's voice again, this time curter and more clipped, his patience tested and his temper on the brink of imploding.

Professor Lupin looked wildly around his office, needing another moment to stall while he contemplated coming up with an answer. He noticed out of the corner of his peripherals Harry opening his mouth, as if to speak, but quickly thought better of it the moment Remus shot him a truly admonishing look, silently warning the boy not to interrupt him.

He would cover for Harry. Just this once. James would have wanted it.

"Full of Dark Magic?" he repeatedly mildly, trying his absolute hardest to ignore the cold sheen of sweat that started to throng along his browbone. "Do you really think so, Severus?"

As if to emphasize his point, he swiped the map out of his former schoolmate's hands, much to Snape's chagrin, wishing he could further relish the look of dawning shock and outrage upon the man's pallid features. He pretended to examine the map in closer detail, though there was no need for him to do so.

He knew this map like the back of his hand. Remus continued, hoping his voice sounded calm and his expression remained quite impassive.

"It merely looks as to me as though it's a piece of parchment paper designed to insult anyone who tries to read it," he chuckled. "Childish, yes, but it is certainly not dangerous. I suspect that Harry got from a joke shop. Zonko's."

"Indeed?" snarled Snape, his black eyes narrowed until they were mere slits, and reminded Remus for a moment of a pit viper's slit-like pupils. The man's jaw had gone rigid with anger. Snape leaned in so that the tip of his slender, hooked nose was almost touching Lupin. "You think a mere joke shop could supply Potter with such an item? You don't believe it a more likely outcome that the boy got it directly from the _manufacturers_?" he whisper hissed angrily.

If it was at all possible, Snape's already pallid features paled a shade further in utter rage.

Lupin thought for a moment as he glanced towards Harry, wondering if any snippets of this confrontation were at all catching on in his mind. It was clear from the vacant expression on the boy's face that it had not, for which Remus was immensely relieved, and breathed out a slightly shaking breath.

He lifted his chin and jutted it out slightly defiantly to better meet Snape's piercing gaze, ignoring the look of rancor in the man's eyes. "You mean, by Mr. Wormtail or Moony or any one of these people?" Lupin asked, feigning ignorance, and hoping his eyes didn't betray him. He looked towards Harry. "Harry, do you know any of these men?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

_Oh, yes. You know Moony, Harry, even if you don't know it yet, and I hope you never learn the truth._ A pang of guilt flooded through his body.

"No," Harry replied quickly, a terrified look forming in the boy's green eyes that were so like Lily's, it almost pained Remus to look in his eyes.

Lupin gave a curt nod. "There. You see, Severus? It looks like a Zonko's product to me—"

Though whatever Remus had been about to say next was completely cut off as right on cue, and in an impressive display of speed, the youngest Weasley boy barreled through Snape's office, clutching at the stitch in his chest, his red hair disheveled and windswept, his cheeks pink from the cold, and looking utterly out of breath.

Most impressive, and Remus could tell Harry had devoted friends.

"I gave…Harry…that stuff…ages ago…Bought it…Zonko's," Ron Weasley wheezed, trying to catch his breath and struggling to speak as his gaze looked from Snape to Lupin.

"Well!" said Lupin in a polite and pleasant tone, though truth be told, he felt anything _but_.

This little delay had cost him at least ten precious minutes of setting out to look for Tonks.

Nevertheless, even as his mounting panic and worry wormed their way into the pit of his churning stomach, he remained polite. Snape's temper was already a hair-trigger away from imploding, and it wouldn't bode well to stroke it further.

"That seems to clear up this misunderstanding, Severus, wouldn't you agree? I'll take this map, as if it is full of Dark Magic, as you say, this is my area of expertise, after all."

He made a show of folding the map up and tucking it inside his robes, ignored Snape's pointed look of outrage, and instead of turning his gaze towards Ron and Harry.

"Harry, Ron, if you will kindly come with me. I'd like a word about my vampire essay. If you will _excuse_ us, Severus, and a good night to you," Lupin muttered. Lupin dared not look back even once over his shoulder to try to gauge the expression on his old classmate's face as he swiftly led Harry Potter and Ron Weasley out of Snape's office and the dungeons, not stopping until they reached his classroom.

The moment Harry turned towards Lupin and opened his mouth to speak, to try to stammer out an apology, Remus held up his hand, but not before closing his eyes and forcing himself to take several deep breaths in and out.

"I _don't_ want to hear any explanations, Harry," Remus began in a clipped and curt tone, the edges of his voice hardened and quite steely. "I happen to know that this map was confiscated years ago by Mr. Filch. Yes, I _know_ it's a map," he barked irritably upon seeing the look of dawning realization and horror on both boys' faces. "I don't care to know how it came to fall into your possession. But I am, however, _astounded_ that you did not hand it in, Harry. Particularly after what happened the _last_ time a student left information laying around," he added darkly, visions of Frank and Alice's son's face flitting through the front of his mind.

Ever since the Longbottom boy had accidentally left his password out for Sirius to somehow gain access to, almost the entire Gryffindor tower, save for Harry, Hermione, and Ron, refused to speak to Neville, and the boy was suffering greatly.

But Tonks had taken pity on Neville and had gone out of her way to be kind to the boy over the last few weeks, forsaking sitting at the staff table in the Great Hall during mealtimes, and instead, she would sometimes sit by Neville when no one else wanted to. She was an incredibly selfless and kind witch, not to mention beautiful…

Remus's eyes widened as he realized what was happening to him and promptly gave his head a curt shake to clear his mind. He could not afford to allow himself to become distracted, though he wanted nothing more than to go look for Dora. He pulled the map out from the interior pockets of his brown, tattered robes and gave the map an affectionate tap.

"I cannot let you have it back, Harry," he said calmly, and for a moment, he swore he saw a flicker of understanding and a look of intrigue dart through Harry's emerald orbs. He seemed to be keen on wanting a further explanation, and Remus had already anticipated Harry's next question, as it so happened.

"Why did Snape think I'd gotten that map from the manufacturers, Professor Lupin?" Harry asked in a cautious tone.

"Because…" Lupin hesitated as he struggled to find the right words. "Because these mapmakers would have wanted to lure you out of the school. They'd have found it funny, I think."

The look of impressive awe on Harry's face was almost too much to bear, and Lupin looked away, pained. "Do you know those men?" Harry breathed, while Ron Weasley was looking rather dumbstruck at Remus, as though perhaps seeing their Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor in a new light.

"We've met," Lupin answered shortly, hardening his expression, and looking upon James and Lily's son more seriously than he ever had before since knowing the teenager. "Don't expect me to cover up for you again, Harry. I cannot make you take Sirius Black, well, _seriously_ ," he added, thinking that if Padfoot with here beside him, he would have rolled his eyes in exasperation and groaned at the use of the bad pun. "But I'd have thought that what you heard when the dementors get too close to you would have had a more profound effect on you," Remus snapped, feeling his temper start to swell to the surface that was manifesting as panic and unfortunately causing him to take it out on Harry Potter.

Dora hadn't come back. Nevertheless, he pressed forward, wanting to end this conversation as soon as possible so he could go search for her.

"Your parents gave their lives to save yours, Harry. A poor way to repay them—wandering around the castle unprotected at night with a killer on the loose is most definitely a poor way. Gambling their sacrifice for a bag of magic tricks. I expect the two of you to go back to your dormitories and _stay_ there. And _don't_ take any detours. Otherwise, I shall _know_ ," he growled, going the Marauder's Map a tap with his finger to make his point. "Go back to Gryffindor Tower. _Stay_ there."

And without so much as another word, he left his office, leaving Harry and Ron to stare after him, looking ashamed and at a loss for words.

* * *

Professor McGonagall and Sprout were in the midst of heading to the library to ask Madame Pince a question before she closed up for the night when both matronly witches looked up from their respective conversation at the sound of Lupin's approaching footsteps, and both exchanged a dark look with one another.

"Professor Lupin, what on earth is the matter?" Sprout asked quietly, neatly clasping her fingers in front of her middle.

"It's my partner, Professor Sprout. Has Nymphadora and Hagrid returned yet? She—she hasn't stopped by my office yet." He glanced at his and Dora's former Heads of Houses. "You haven't seen Tonks anywhere, have you?" he begged.

He was hoping against hope either Minerva or Pomona would know. He was rewarded when Professor Sprout spoke up.

"I _did_ see her, as a matter of fact. The poor dear plum near ran into me when I was coming back from the greenhouses."

"She did?" A small spark of hope ignited in his chest.

Professor Sprout nodded, removing her hat to give her head a pensive scratch. "Yes, and I must say, she did not look right at all…" Her expression softened into something sadder.

Lupin's heart very nearly leaped into his throat. "What?"

"The poor dear was crying something fierce. She and Hagrid lost the trial. Buckbeak is going to be executed. I think she feels as though she's failed our Groundskeeper, which could not be _further_ from the truth. We all know Lucius Malfoy has the entire board lined up in his pockets," Sprout added, scrunching her nose and gave a sniff of disapproval. "Nevertheless, Professor, despite that little fact, I don't think I've ever seen anybody cry that hard before, not even a child. She fled into the Forbidden Forest before I could ask for more details," Sprout confessed, not liking the paling look on Lupin's face. "Don't make yourself sick, Remus. She didn't go too far."

With a nod and a hurried goodnight, Lupin shoved his shaking fists into the pockets of his robes and strode out the front doors of the Great Hall and towards the edge of the forest. Seeing the Forbidden Forest against the darkening night sky gave the woods in front of him an ominous, haunted look.

He drew in a breath to shout her name as loud as his lungs would possibly permit him to, when a little noise nearby, to his immediate left that caused his wolfish hearing to perk up at the noise, reached his ears and silenced him. Someone crying. He turned. A few feet away, sitting on the ground slumped against the trunk of an old, gnarled elm tree, was Dora.

She appeared relatively unharmed, but it was hard to tell when the young witch's face was buried in her arms, which were wrapped around her legs, and Lupin's nostrils flared at the scent of charred wood reached his eardrums, and as he glanced around at a couple of scorch markings on the trunks of nearby trees, his mind quickly put together the pieces.

She blamed herself for this. And as a result of how she was feeling, had managed to get a grip on her anger by casting Incendio Charms on these old, dying trees.

Her shoulders shook, and muffled sobs lost in the folds of her skirts, which were now charred and tattered badly. Her wavy locks had reverted to a dark chocolate brown color over her shoulders, but nothing could mask the horrible bitterness of Tonks's cries.

Lupin wanted nothing more than to run forward and sweep Tonks up into his arms, not let her go. But something within him harbored a twinge of caution towards his partner, and he forced himself to approach her calmly. The last thing he wanted to do was startle Dora when she was already in such a state. He'd never seen her like this.

"Dora?" he questioned, raising his voice to make himself heard over her cries.

Tonks slowly raised her head at the sound of the man's soft voice, and the look on her face physically hurt his heart. Her pale grey-blue orbs were red-rimmed and cracked at the irises, and glassy.

She'd been crying for a while now and showed no signs of stopping anytime soon. Lupin eased himself down beside her onto the cold, hard earthen floor, trying as hard as he could to keep a respectful distance, not knowing what kind of a reaction the young witch could have in her anger and in her pain.

"Are you hurt?" he asked softly, fearing the worst.

Tonks shook her head. "N—no. Buckbeak… _lost_ …I...I lost...wasn't...strong enough..." Tonks's face crumpled as Lupin's concern melted away to something quieter and much sadder. Her head dropped back into her folded arms.

Hesitantly, Lupin scooted closer towards his partner and wrapped his arms around her shaking form, and pressed his lips to her forehead for a gentle but chaste kiss. Tonks immediately turned and buried her face in his sweater, where she allowed herself to cry in an unrestrained fashion.

All Lupin could do was hold his partner quietly and let the waves of sadness pass through her. "It wasn't _your_ fault, Dora. You and Hagrid did everything you possibly could."

Absentmindedly, he rubbed small circles over her back until her body had ceased to shudder with wracking sobs.

"I—I want to go back," Tonks sniffed after a moment, wiping at her nose with the back of her hand, her tears now long spent as she angrily flicked away the last one with a flick of her finger. "Will you…" she hesitated, looking towards Lupin as she bit her bottom lip. "Will you let me stay with you? I…don't want to be alone," Tonks whispered in a hoarse, meek voice that did not at all sound like the strong and confident Auror that he knew.

A small measure of anxiety swooped and churned in the pit of his stomach as Lupin quickly realized what she asked of him. "I—I…are you sure?" he asked. Tonks had said it, but it still did nothing to quell his disbelief at what she wanted, gods, but what he wanted.

He almost wanted to ask Tonks if she was serious, but he already knew the answer, but the next burning question that was on the tip of his tongue was…why _him_?!

This celestial-like, beautiful creature could be with anyone in the world, and she wanted him, an accursed wretch, a plague, a werewolf? His kind wasn't even meant to mate, let alone breed, and…and… He struggled to formulate an adequate answer, and while he fought for something to say, Tonks gripped onto his hand.

The sudden abrupt heat from the skin of her palm against his brought Remus out his wildly racing thoughts, and he glanced over at her to see a soft but saddened smile on her face.

"It's okay to say no, Remus," she said gently. "Tell me."

She was so careful in her choice of words, not wanting to offend him or push him into something he wasn't comfortable with, that her demeanor had almost the exact opposite effect of her words. For hours, ever since she had given him that kiss in Snape's office, Lupin had wanted to stay as close to Tonks as she would possibly allow him to.

The way she smiled at him in the mornings or during meals in the Great Hall, when she would sometimes sneak into the back of his classroom to watch one of his lessons or leave him little bits of chocolate on his desk the nights after his full-moon transformations when he was feeling especially sick and it was the only thing to help quell his nausea, would speak volumes. He cherished these times, and he was not blind to his aching, growing need for her.

And yet, after most of his life spent alone, out of a sense of habit, Lupin forced himself to hang back.

Even after all these weeks of their partnership, of their growing affection for one another, and dare he even think this next part, love, Lupin still had a hard time believing the young Auror would want him the way that a woman would want a normal man, one…not like him.

While, yes, he was initially shocked at the nature of her request, he didn't want to give Tonks the wrong idea at all. "It isn't that," he whispered, dropping his gaze. "It's…I… don't…"

What on Merlin's green earth was he supposed to say? That he could not believe a woman like Tonks would really want a man like him? But she had proven that she did earlier today.

And more to the point besides, not only did she want a man _like_ him, but she wanted _him_. _Just_ him, judging by the look of hunger in her eyes, desperate for him to provide her comfort.

And he ached to give it to her. After a moment, he sighed and said to her. "But you are so _beautiful_ , Dora…"

"You are too," she fired back without missing a beat.

"But… _why_?" Remus asked before he could stop himself. Tonks seemed to know what he had been about to say to her, because she shushed him gently, leaning over and pressing her index finger to his lips before pressing her lips against his again.

Her lips met his with a fervor, and Tonks broke it off a fraction of a second too early, that he almost growled in frustration. The fact that she had been thinking about him in the way, just as he had to her, prompted a lascivious, visceral reaction from deep within and utterly powerless to stop it, Lupin allowed the heat to spread to his face and warm his cheeks as he rose to his feet, taking Tonks with him.

"I…want that. More than anything but…you should know that I…" Lupin heard his voice break. He cleared his throat and tried again. "I mean, I…I've never done… _this,_ before." His face burned something awful, and for a moment, he wished he could Disapparate and save himself the embarrassment. But Tonks did not miss a beat.

She moved closer to him and rested her forehead against his. She too was burning up, and Remus could tell she felt the same things. _Wanted_ the same things, and it was good enough.

"We'll go slow. Is that all right with you, Remus?"

He nodded, feeling somewhat better by her words. Satisfied with her words, Tonks gave him a kiss and moved to take his hand lead him back towards the castle, to either one of their rooms, but he froze, faltering in his decision. Not that a simple Muffliato Charm wouldn't take care of it, but he didn't want to risk it. He'd really rather _not_.

"No," he answered, a note of excitement and eagerness seeping unbidden to the surface of his voice as he caught her by the wrist and pulled her back. "I know of a _better_ place. Somewhere more private," he murmured, having to lean forward to whisper it into the shell of her ear, relishing in the tremor of delight that wafted its way up and down her spine.

Tonks did not protest as she allowed Lupin to take her by the hand and take the lead, and escort her not back up towards the castle, but to the direction of the Whomping Willow.

"Wait, wait," she called out, her voice breathless as she had to almost job to keep up with his lengthy, leggy strides. "Where are we _going_? Where are you taking me, Remus?"

When he finally turned around to shoot her a playful smile, there was a twinkling gleam in the man's light brown eyes that Tonks had not seen before, making him look years younger.

As Lupin spoke to her, lowering his voice so that his words were meant for her, and only her, it trembled a bit, but not from fear, but rather, exhilaration and excitement.

"The Shrieking Shack. Let's see if we can make it live up to its name…"

* * *

**Fear not, my lovely readers! They WILL be going on that Hogsmeade date soon enough, but...considering the crap day Tonks had and Buckbeak losing his trial (stupid Lucius) I think it's safe to say they have...other things on their mind at the moment, but the date is coming up in a future chapter :)**


	32. Say You Love Me

**32**

**EVEN** here in the Shrieking Shack, as the waxing moon pooled into Tonks's outstretched palm, overflowing, and shining through Dora's shaking fingers, Lupin was having a hard time believing this was happening to him.

He stared at Dora's bone-white hand, so pale and pristine and perfect for a moment, before nervously lifting his gaze to the face of the hand's owner.

The young witch who he now knew himself to be hopelessly and desperately in love with, despite his mind screaming at him that this was twenty different kinds of abhorrent, that he was a _werewolf_ , and she, an angel, that he was much too poor, too dangerous, too old for someone so pure and gentle and kind as Dora Tonks was, regarded him with soft, patient, pale grey orbs.

"Are you _sure_ , Remus?" she questioned, staring at Lupin from across the creaking old bedroom that the tunnel underneath the Whomping Willow led to, this old place that Remus never thought he would set foot in again, a place that he both haunted and cherished, considering James, Sirius, and Peter had helped to make the years of his transformations prior to the invention of the Wolfsbane Potion the best years of his life so far.

"Yes," he managed to get out in a low, hoarse growl that sounded wolfish.

Though it seemed like those times couldn't hold a candle to his current company in the present moment.

Toward Tonks's immediate left, the blankets and old mattress that Lupin wasn't entirely sure he trusted seemed to be the focus of the entire room, or perhaps that was simply because of the implication of what Dora wanted, and what _he_ wanted too, for that matter, was all that he could seem to be able to focus his mind on.

Tonks merely offered Lupin a coy, demure smile that felt like it made his knees weak, as though he'd been hit by a Jelly Legs Curse, without her having to utter a word.

"If you don't want to, if…if it's too soon, Rem, I hope you know that you can tell me no. I won't be upset. It's perfectly fine to say no. I just want to know if you want it. I know I do," she whispered, a pink blush speckling along her cheeks as she briefly averted Remus's piercing gaze, looking instead over her shoulder towards the bed.

Lupin nodded, still feeling like the two of them were standing on the ledge of a cliff and were about to tumble off the ledge together. "Are you sure you want… _me_?"

She nodded, perhaps so that Remus did not have to, but regardless, it still did nothing to shake his disbelief. Lupin was half tempted to ask Tonks if she was serious, but he knew that she'd already given her answer.

But the next burning question that lingered on the tip of his tongue was… _why_?!

As he struggled to formulate his thoughts into something that resembled coherent speech, Tonks cautiously approached him, grasping onto his hand, and giving it a light, reassuring squeeze. His partner was always so softly spoken, almost to the point of being shy around those whom she didn't know, so careful with her word choice, not wanting to offend.

Her demeanor at the moment, had the opposite effect of her words as she tried to reassure Lupin it was fine for him to say no if he was not at all ready for this now.

For the last few hours, ever since she had kissed him in front of the closet in Professor Snape's office, Lupin had wanted to get as close to Tonks as she would let him.

The way she smiled softly at him in the mornings during breakfast in the Great Hall at the staff table, how she would sit next to him in his office in the evenings, the way that she would shoot him interested little glances out of the corner of her eye when she thought Lupin wasn't privy to what she was doing. But he knew.

Remus cherished every single moment spent in Nymphadora's company, and he was not blind to his growing desire for the young witch standing beside him.

But yet, out of a sense of habit that had become almost like second nature to him at this point, courtesy of most of his life spent enduring his harsh condition, Remus held back, wanting to be absolutely sure that Tonks wanted it. Even after all this time spent in Dora's company, Lupin had a hard time she could want him in the way that a witch would want a wizard. He wasn't handsome, _normal_ , like Sirius had been in their youth.

And while Remus was more than shocked at the revelation that Tonks felt the same unimaginable thing that had been churning within him these last few weeks, he did not want to give his partner the wrong idea at all.

"It isn't that. I haven't…" His voice broke. He cleared his throat, swallowing down the lump in his throat, and tried again, despite the reddening blush making its way across his cheeks at a rapidly alarming pace. "I'm not…"

His face burned like wildfire, and for a moment, he wished the creaky floorboards beneath their feet would open up and swallow him whole. Tonks must have sensed what he was thinking, for the witch didn't miss a beat. She moved closer to close off the gap of space that lingered between them, resting her forehead against his.

He wasn't the only one who felt like he was burning. "Neither have I. At least...not with anybody that I truly loved. We'll go slow if that's okay with you?"

But she _had_! With… _him._ He blanched and pulled away, furrowing his brows into a frown as visions of Tonks's boggart, that bastard Brennan, flitted into the forefront of his mind.

The look of shock must have been evident on his face, for Tonks pulled back and frowned.

Lupin swallowed down past the lump in his throat. "You and…Brennan," he began cautiously, not wanting to stir up bad memories for his Dora if he could help it, but at the same time, wanting to get this off of his chest.

She seemed to sense what he was thinking and shook her head no and shot him a pointed look. She struggled a minute, seeming to search for the right words to say.

"Ollie never…never loved me, Remus," Tonks whispered hoarsely, blinking back a fresh onset of briny tears. "Not like I hope that you do, Remus. But…if we do…take things a step further tonight, I just want to know if you do. If we do, then I'll be in love with you."

Lupin nodded, reassured by her words.

Satisfied, Tonks leaned forward and pressed her mouth against his in a gentle kiss, waving her wand with her free hand to extinguish what few lighted candles were lit in the windowsill, momentarily plunging them into darkness.

"Do you feel ready?" she asked, turning towards him, and as she did, her silhouette became illuminated by the one single candle that she had re-lighted with a curt wave of her wand, not needing to utter the _Lumos_ spell.

Lupin tried to speak, to tell her, yes, but it felt like there was a gag on his mouth. All he could do was nod.

She took his hand and bade him sit on the edge of the bed, watching with bated breath as she reached for her black silk blouse and pulled it over her head, stepping out of her black flared trousers once they were unzipped and letting them fall in a heap to her floor until she was clad in nothing but black lace undergarments. He merely watched her in silence as Tonks approached the bed and sat down next to him, reaching for his hand.

Something foreign stirred within Lupin's chest, beating down and back against the self-consciousness that had rendered him mute and unable to speak to her.

So, this was what it felt like. _Love_. That foreign emotion that his father, Lyall, had spoken of whenever he spoke of Remus's mother, Hope, Merlin bless her soul forever, how James had spoken of what the feeling felt like when he and Lily had been alive. Never before was an exhilaration as to make the woman nervously sitting before him as great as it was coursing through his veins now. To wake up with the scent of her skin over his.

Dora's face was shaded with an unspoken longing for him, but Tonks did not need to say a word. She didn't. He saw this. Lupin let his hands drift to Dora's waist, feeling goosebumps erupt over the skin of her thighs as he followed her lead and struggled to get out of his sweater, grunting and almost growling with the effort to remove it and not rip off any of the buttons in a frenzy.

He leaned forward and pushed her backward, so she fell against the mattress. "Say that you love me," he urged. Tonks felt the electrifying shudder that wafted down her spine as his smooth, languid voice melted.

Remus was doing his magic and she pulled into the cauldron of whatever witchcraft was happening to her.

His hand drifted so it rested below her jaw as her dark maroon hair splayed out on either side of the pillow like that of a fan, as Lupin was left to hover over his Tonks, both of his arms bracing his weight on Tonks's pillow.

Tonks closed her eyes and allowed herself to succumb to the man's lips that grazed against the curve of her ear, his dense sigh sinking deep and slow. She wanted more.

" _Say it_. That tonight you'll dream of me, Dora." The moment she nodded, breathless, their lips met with a fervor. Their fingers caressing the curves of each other's body, straining to be even nearer, as Tonks attempted to fumble with the buttons of Lupin's trousers to relieve her partner of the only thing standing between a night of passion and love that she had never felt with Ollie.

However, the moment alone in the Shrieking Shack with Remus, needing the feel of his body pressed against hers, she wished to be nowhere else in the entire world.

"I love you, Dora. I want to hear you say it to me," Lupin said in a lowly voice that could almost be described as a wolfish sort of growl, the edges of his voice hardened. " _Say. It_." He commanded, almost angry.

"I love you," Tonks managed to gasp out breathlessly, and she was hardly given a moment to react as Lupin's mouth searched hers, hungry, yearning, eager to taste her sweet, succulent kiss for himself. Their pulses quickened as their bodies felt what their hearts confessed. Barely able to fill her lungs, Tonks let out a gasp into the shell of his ear. "I need you, Rem. _Please_."

It was the use of the word _please_ that awakened something urgent with Remus's chest, eager and more than ready to answer the woman's plea, he entered her, slowly but firmly, exhaling sharply from the pleasure.

Dora answered Lupin with a velvety, husky groan of pleasure, raising her hips to him and tightened her legs around his waist, driving him even deeper to fulfill his need. Lupin's hands descended down Tonks's sides, clasping tightly onto her hips, almost painfully tight.

Her hand alighted on Lupin's face, moving down past his scarred collarbones. Already his brain felt on fire.

Dora was his angel, his angel with the fingertips of flame. In those moments, she loved him with her eyes as much as the rest of her body, their souls mingling with the quiet moments between the action and the stillness.

The cold room of the Shrieking Shack where he used to transform almost felt warm. It was hard to hold back, Remus thought, as his hand came up to cup her breast, to make their moment last, but wasn't that always the way, so caught between the intoxication of the climax and extending a moment with her he did not want to end? Desperate to feel her, Remus leaned down to kiss her.

Whatever he had done in that moment almost sent Dora over the edge. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down slightly in their kiss, moving against him frantically, a whimper building in her throat as it moved past her lips. Lupin held onto Tonks tightly, almost afraid to let go, for an unfounded fear that if he did, he would never have her again, one of his hands buried in the back of her hair, the other pressed to her low back, resting on top of her spine, his fingers gripping onto her tightly for support. Hearing her moans, feeling her body move in sync with his movements, was almost too much for the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor to bear a second longer.

When Tonks's entire body shuddered with a startling cry, ecstasy exploded in his veins and for a moment, his wolfish vision was blind. Remus saw nothing but white.

Lupin wasn't sure how much time had passed before he dared to open his eyes again. The room felt like it was spinning. How long had it been? Five seconds? A minute? An hour? He guessed it didn't matter at all. When he felt like he'd finally managed to regain composure of himself, he returned his attention to Dora.

She looked no more put together than he felt. Her dark maroon waves were tousled and in disarray, her pale grey-blue orbs lazy-looking and heavily-lidded, like she'd drank too much Fire Whiskey or Muggle alcohol.

Tonks offered Lupin a lopsided, giddy smile and ran her fingers through his light brown bangs, pushing them away from his eyes, allowing a giggle to escape her lips.

"What's funny?" Lupin started to stammer, feeling his heart plummet to the pit of his churning stomach, thinking that he'd done something wrong to upset her.

"It's…nothing…" Tonks managed to gasp out in between her fits. "It's just…h—he never…Ollie never…made me do that before when he…when we…."

She chanced a glance up towards Lupin, suddenly looking nervous, trying to silently gauge his reaction.

"I didn't sound stupid?" Tonks whispered in a small voice as she brushed back a lock of stray hair back behind her ear where it rightfully belonged. "Did I?"

Lupin shook his head and smiled, the edges of his lips curling upward, thinking what a question she'd asked.

"No, love. Of course not. I didn't sound stupid, either did I?" he challenged, throwing her query back to her.

Tonks made an odd little noise that sounded like a cross between a snort and a laugh through her nose, throwing her head back and laughing before pulling Lupin even more on top of her to gather him in her arms.

She collapsed her head back against the pillow and smiled. "No, Remus," she whispered. "You were perfect."

For the rest of the night, Lupin and Tonks did not leave the Shrieking Shack. Their clothes lay discarded and forgotten on the floor at the edge of the bed, along with their sense of shame. The two of them stayed up into the ungodly hours of the morning, talking, exploring one another's bodies, learning about themselves, what it meant to truly love one another.

Tonks eventually fell asleep, but not Lupin. Instead, he was more than content to hold onto his partner and now his girlfriend while the young woman slept in his arms, her legs entangled with his, her head nestled comfortably against his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

In the pitch-black darkness, he stroked Dora's hair, thinking back to the experience the two of them had just shared with one another. Never in his lifetime did he think himself worthy of love, much less finding it in a witch who would dare to look past his lycanthropy, or that the woman in his arms would feel so deeply for him.

Tonks, the young Auror on the Hogwarts Express, had stumbled into his life by pure happenstance. And now, she was perhaps the best and most beautiful thing ever to happen to him.

Truly, Merlin worked in mysterious ways. Perhaps He had sent Lupin Tonks to allow the young witch to pull him out of his desolate existence. Whether that way was Merlin's or Tonks, Remus didn't know, nor did he particularly care about it.

He was just grateful to have someone to share in his life now, thinking that one of the first places he wanted to take her when the sun broke over the horizon was for a walk in the woods, maybe followed by a late afternoon trip to Honeydukes, before topping off the night at the Three Broomsticks to share in a butterbeer before heading back to Hogwarts, but this time, it would be as a couple.

Not just as partners. It was this single thought that accompanied Remus all throughout the night, and that eventually lulled him to sleep, thinking he would do whatever it took to protect this young witch in his arms from Sirius if need be, and the rest of the cruel world.

For he was hers. And she was _his_. And Lupin wouldn't have it any other way.


	33. At the Edge of the Forest

**33**

**SIRIUS** thought for certain his eyes were playing a sport of his mind as the sun rose above the horizon, signaling the start of a new day, what he was seeing had to be some sort of phantasm, a figment of his imagination.

It just _had_ to be.

He _never_ thought he'd see the day when Moony would be leading a woman out of the Whomping Willow away from the Shrieking Shack and back towards the castle, no doubt having spent the night together if his eyes weren't deceiving him.

He snorted, resisting the urge to roll his eyes, thinking before too long, he was going to have to reveal himself to Tonks.

The goblin whose red hair he had more or less stolen strands of when the cretin would stagger out of the Hog's Head too bloody drunk to see straight (what little was _left_ of it on top of his head, that is) was starting to growl frail and weak in Arym's old age.

Black supposed it wouldn't be too long before the accursed wretch collapsed and keeled over from a heart attack in the Hog's Head in his weakening, aging state.

He had enough of the creature's hairs for maybe one more appearance in front of both Tonks and Lupin in his disguise, and he wanted to make it a good one and to count for whatever he could.

That being said, his time spent in his disguise was drawing to a close, and sooner rather than later, he would have to make his presence known to his cousin.

He let out a haggard sigh at _that_ pleasant mental image, not knowing how she would take it.

Knowing that soon, he'd have no choice, carding his fingers through his thick mane of dark brown hair, wincing as his fingers entangled themselves in the sticky, dirty locks.

But Merlin, what he wouldn't give for a hot bath. Warm food, a roof over his head that didn't leak.

All wishful thinking, really.

He had a goal, and the only thing standing in the way of that was, well, pretty much the entirety of Hogwarts itself.

_Not to mention Moony, my cousin, and Dumbledore_ , Sirius thought bitterly to himself. He inhaled slowly, a heavy effort by appearance as he stalked behind the tree lines that led deep into the Forbidden Forest.

Merlin, he wished he had a watch. His contact was _late_. Perhaps the only person left alive who still believed in him, and he'd only met her once.

His pupils contracted as Black lost himself in thought as he forced himself to tear his gaze away from Moony and the girl's fading silhouettes as they headed back up to the castle to get on about their respective days.

He frowned, not even bothering to turn around the moment he heard the snapping of a twig underfoot and did not acknowledge the witch.

"Were you _followed_? Did anyone see you come, witch? Does he know?" he barked hoarsely, of course, referring to the blonde witch's husband.

He flinched at how rough and grating his voice sounded, though considering he'd spoken as little as possible in the last twelve years, Sirius supposed he should be bloody amazed he could even speak at all, for that matter. Where it hurt.

"Answer me, woman!"

"No," she whispered, sounding nervous and rather timid, as though she were starting to second guess her decision for agreeing to meet.

"It _stays_ that way, girl. I won't have you getting in trouble on my account," he snapped, finally turning at the waist to regard the young blonde witch with the short blonde hair cut into a shaggy layered chin-length pixie cut, eyeing the girl's form in her black lace dress appreciatively, thinking if she weren't already bloody married, then maybe….

_No_ , he thought to himself. _Don't go there. Taken, she's taken, and you don't forget that_.

Black had seen for himself what Brennan's temper was like, firsthand the last time the handsome raven-haired, blue-eyed chap had come into Azkaban and one of the prisoners had dared to mouth off to the young Auror.

A somewhat temperamental bloke and a former Slytherin, but he liked Ollie Brennan well enough.

The man had escorted more than a few prisoners to Azkaban throughout his career as an Auror and always stopped to chat with Sirius, giving him his copies of _The Daily Prophet_.

He paused to study Nymphadora Tonks' friend, wondering what his dear cousin would say to the blonde witch and she-wolf if she could see the werewolf now, about to engage in conversation with the likes of him, a mass murderer, though he was innocent, the rest of the world didn't know it yet. But they would.

"You _came_ , it was… _good_ of you to come, really," he breathed, not ashamed to admit that he had been half-hoping Norah would.

He remembered the girl's sister from their time at Hogwarts and had met Norah a couple of times.

Though her sister was long since dead now, dead at the results of Peter himself.

Norah's sister was one of the first on scenes the moment the argument between the two men had started in her efforts to stop it before things escalated to the dangerous level that it had, and had sadly lost her life, caught in Peter's crosshairs.

She had been a young witch, and her death had affected Jameson greatly, but Norah faithfully visited Sirius once a month during his stint in Azkaban and learned the truth.

Norah, as the owner and manager of the Magical Menagerie shop in Azkaban, was in charge of institutionalizing a new recreational program for the inmates of Azkaban Prison.

Once every month, she, alongside her husband, Ollie, brought in a different species of magical creature, some of them affectionate and kind, others Dark and deadly and dangerous, but each animal or beast different than the last one, and gave entire talks on how to care for the creature, or in some cases, learn to defend yourself.

Norah had always a kind word to say to Sirius, despite the rest of the prison inmates and guards shooting her dirtied looks for her growing friendship with the man accused of murdering Peter Pettigrew, dozens of innocent Muggle bystanders, and having sold the Potters to Lord Voldemort.

Alongside her and her husband, Ollie, the two were perhaps the only ones on Merlin's green earth to believe what he was telling was true and were willing to help the man whatever way they could.

Sirius felt a surge of affection for Norah.

The she-wolf merely proceeded to look at him with raised eyebrows in alarm, her face taking on an offended look, as though his words to her just now had cut her deeply, thinking she wouldn't come to him when he needed a friend the most.

" _Good_ of me? Of course, I come, Black. My husband and I are rather fond of you, you know. We've always known you were innocent, and I would be willing to testify on your behalf in court if it comes to that, my friend."

Her blue eyes were bright and alight with intrigue as she gave Sirius's thin, ragged frame a once-over.

Her pale features did not immediately convey any one particular emotion, which in Sirius's case, made the man feel somewhat more at ease, not knowing what the witch was thinking.

It meant Jameson was thinking carefully about what she was going to say and how exactly to best phrase her words.

She let out a tired-sounding sigh and tucked back a stray wisp of her bone-white hair behind her ear before turning behind her and procuring a small bag that immediately made his mouth water.

"I swiped it from the kitchens. That one little house-elf, Dobby, is eager to please. I told him it was all for me, since, well…do I really need to say it?" she snorted, a light little giggle escaping her lips as her hand rested to the flat of her stomach.

Sirius blinked in surprise at her silent revelation, though his pale grey eyes softened at her news.

Norah, she-wolf or not, was sure to make an excellent mother, as was Brennan would surely make a wonderful, protective father, to any children they would have.

"Merlin bless you, Norah," Sirius groaned, letting a hoarse little moan escape his lips, and before he lost his resolve, took the young blonde witch's head in his hands and kissed either side of her cheek before diving into the bag and pulling out a chicken drumstick, tearing the chicken off with his teeth. "I can't steal too much food from the trash cans in Hogsmeade in my Animagus form without drawing attention to myself," he quickly explained, noticing the blonde's cheeks flush pink with color at the kisses he'd just given her, resisting the urge to let out a moan of satisfaction as he ate hungrily.

Along with the half a dozen or so carefully wrapped drumsticks, looked to be a wedge of Brie cheese, a loaf of bread, and a container of what appeared to be pumpkin juice when he uncorked the lid and sniffed it before taking a hearty swig, relishing as the drink went down his throat.

Norah waited to speak until Sirius had finished eating, tossing the sack by his feet before collapsing against a particularly large rock.

The same boulder, as it so happened, that he had stood upon when he'd accidentally laid eyes on his cousin, on Tonks, swimming in the Black Lake.

"What will you do, Sirius?" she asked.

Sirius merely grunted in response. Jameson was an intelligent young witch at the ripe age of thirty, smarter than Tonks, he hated to admit it, not wanting to think the ill will of his dear cousin.

She was, of course, referring to the fact that Arym, that little whelp, that prat, was dying, and as a consequence, his masquerading as the goblin to fool Tonks into talking to him of her own accord could no longer continue as it had been.

Soon, he was going to have to face his cousin just as he was, and alone. He did not want Moony present for this conversation.

That was a conversation he still had yet to have, him and Remus. A pang of fear tugged at his heartstrings at just the thought.

Would Lupin believe him?!

"I have to talk to her. To Tonks. _Alone_ , Jameson, if that can be arranged."

Norah blinked owlishly at Sirius, clearly not expecting the escaped convict's desire to manifest so suddenly.

" _Now_?" she stammered, her almond-shaped pale blue eyes widening in shock and surprise. "That's a bit _soon_ , don't you think? What about Lupin?" she pressed, furrowing her thin eyebrows into a frown as she pursed her lips. "Don't you think you owe it to yourself to come up with a more concrete plan other than storming into Gryffindor Tower with your _knife_? Do you have _any idea_ what your life _means_? Running off like that, putting yourself at risk of getting caught? It's pretty damn _stupid_ of you," Norah snapped, causing the heat to rise to Sirius's cheeks as he flushed angrily before looking away, suddenly not wanting to meet the Magical Menagerie's manager's piercing gaze.

Sirius bristled, gnashing his teeth together in anger, balling his hands into fists.

He squeezed his eyes shut, desperately not wanting to alienate and offend the young woman, perhaps the only one alongside her husband, who believed him.

He did not want to pick a fight with Jameson. Not now, or any other night, for that matter. He inhaled slowly, dropping his hands as he nodded with the young blonde witch in silent agreement.

"It was," he mumbled, casting his gaze down to his boots, not sure what else to say to Jameson.

Norah paused, biting down on her bottom lip before taking three steps forward and closing off the gap of space in between the pair of friends.

This close together, the height difference between the two could not have been more obvious.

Norah was a spritely little blonde, with Sirius towering over her, with Jameson barely coming up to the center of his chest, though the fact that he had a good several heads over her did nothing to quell the blonde's fiery temper.

Size was no guarantee of power, after all. Norah's hands gently came up to rest on either of his shoulders as she gave them a light squeeze.

"Please don't do anything _stupid_ , Black," Norah pleaded, lowering her face, and casting a nervous glance to the left and right, as though half expecting someone to materialize from thin air in the thicket of the edge of the Forbidden Forest. "You escaped Azkaban Prison once before. Are you _trying_ for a second time, my friend? Please. Think about what you are doing."

Sirius scowled, though it was less at Norah herself and more the point she was trying to make, not wanting to admit Tonks' friend was right, Merlin damn her.

"With the Dementors, not to mention Tonks and Lupin, and the entire staff of the castle looking for you after that _last_ little stunt you pulled, you aren't going to be able to just…waltz right up to the castle through those doors, Black, and you bloody well know that! You know how well that would fly. Like a wet paper airplane. It's not going to work, Sirius."

" _This is my freedom, Jameson_!" he bellowed, flinching as he had managed to startle a couple of nearby pigeons roosting in the tree above their head to take flight, cooing their displeasure.

Sirius flinched at the startled look of hurt and surprise on Norah Jameson's face as she staggered backward, seemingly put off by his little outburst.

"I _did_ my waiting. Twelve years."

Norah's heart sank to the pit of her stomach as she huffed in frustration and folded her arms across her chest, resisting the urge to stomp her foot, praying to Merlin, somehow, she could get the man whom she had grown to consider much like an older brother figure to her, of sorts, to _listen_ to her, to implore him and his hot-headed temper to see any semblance of reasoning, no matter how small. It would be a shame to see the man chucked back in Azkaban after all of this.

"Is this really how you want things to end, Black?" Norah asked, her voice soft, quiet, and deadly.

She offered the escaped, ragged convict a deep frown of disapproval, her lips forming a rigid line.

"You're causing no small amount of strife. Not just for yourself, but for me and Ollie, too. We want to _help_ you, but we can't do that for you unless you're willing to be patient, Black."

He stiffened, catching the briefest glimpses of anger in Norah Jameson's bright blue eyes, which had darkened and narrowed, almost now cerulean in color the angrier the witch became.

This was getting dangerous, and _fast_.

Still, Sirius's temper was threatening to implode to the surface, rising to dangerously boiling levels.

"It's _my_ life, Jameson," he retorted sharply, meeting the woman's icy-cold stare head on. "I'll decide what happens to me, Norah. I can do this on my _own_ and I can do it _without_ your help."

"I see," Norah said slowly, not sounding at all convinced, uncrossing her arms, glaring at him.

A bad sign. A truly, awful, horrible sign. Sirius felt a cold feeling sink to the pit of his stomach.

"Then…if you won't let me help you, then I guess, Black, that you're on your own. But what if I _want_ to help you? Why won't you let me in?"

"Because I don't want you or your husband taking the mickey for me if I get _caught_ ," he barked hoarsely, ducking his head and a lock of his long dark hair fell in front of his ashen face like a curtain. "Both of you, are kind to me when you didn't have to be, Jameson, you lot are the closest things I have to friends these days, and…I appreciate it," he managed to croak out in a hoarse groan. "More than you know. I _won't_ have you in trouble," he growled, lifting his head, and meeting the blonde witch's hard gaze head-on.

Norah's expression changed only ever so slightly. She straightened her back and folded her hands tighter over herself, smoothing skirts of her black lace dress, almost as if embarrassed.

Her brilliant blue eyes were sparkling with a new intensity Sirius hadn't seen in them before.

He shifted nervously. Then a thought occurred to him.

Yes, she was his friend, and her husband as well, but…why had she come to him?

"It's nice to see you again, but…"

He was unsure whether to ask Jameson or not why she had taken this little unexpected jaunt through the Forbidden Forest, he didn't want to offend the young witch who was more or less his friend.

He took a deep breath, steeling himself.

"Why are you here, Jameson? If you're _smart_ , and I _know_ you are, you'll turn the hell around and go home to your husband, Norah, and never see me again if…things go wrong," he finally blurted out.

Norah stiffened, straightening her posture by way of response, though she did not immediately offer up a verbal answer to his query.

Well, of course, she knew Black would ask. Hell, Ollie didn't even know she had come.

She knew she wanted to check on the man, see how Black was faring and find out what the man's next move was, perhaps find a way she could help nab the rat that Norah felt incredible guilt towards.

It had been her day to stock the back shelves, and as a consequence, she had been at the back of the shop when the youngest Weasley boy had brought in his rat for an examination, leaving old Mundy, a part-time worker, an elderly witch, to deal with the customer at the front desk.

Her eyesight had failed her in her aging years, but Norah knew if _she_ had been the one to examine the rat that day, she surely would have seen the telltale markings of an Animagus.

Not to mention, surely her wolfish sense of smell would have been able to pick up the human pheromones emanating off the wretched little worm that day, no problem.

"Because…it's just _my_ problem as much as it is yours, Black," Norah said at last, after much difficulty of struggling to find the right words.

Sirius snorted, rolling his eyes.

Clearly, her response wasn't good enough.

Norah sighed in frustration, pinching at the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger, heaving a groan in exasperation as she felt a vein in her brow give a painful twitch.

"I can get her to you, Black, if you really insist on speaking with her alone. Tonks. She'll listen to you as long as I stay by her side. I can guarantee it, almost. She likes me. Trusts me."

Sirius gave a start at her words, swiveling his head to the left so suddenly to meet hers that the witch had to jump backward in order to avoid their heads connecting in what would have been a painful blow. It sounded too good to be true.

"H— _how_?" he stammered hoarsely, the disbelief in his voice seeping its way to the surface.

He stared at Norah Jameson as though the she-wolf had sprouted antlers atop her head.

The edges of Jameson's thin, pink lips curved upwards and she shot him a bright white smile as she turned on her heels to leave, her wand clutched tightly in her hand as she stomped off towards the castle, no doubt in search of Tonks.

Sirius returned the smile, albeit nervously. He never could tell what the werewolf was thinking.

He had no idea if her plan to get Tonks on her own and out of Moony's sight for a while was going to be a good thing or a reckless plan at all.

" _Trust_ me, I think I'll be enlisting some help from the Giant Squid in the Black Lake for _this_ favor of yours, Black, I wanted to check on it anyways, see how it was faring after one of its tentacles got attacked by a mermaid, or so Dumbledore told me on the way down here to visit you," she called out over her shoulder, though Ollie Brennan's wife did not dare glance back over her shoulder, on the off chance that someone had, in fact, followed her to the Forest.

Sirius looked a little less shocked but less so than he had expected to be, and as his back rested against the trunk of a gnarled old elm tree, the smile that ghosted across his gaunt, almost emaciated features was genuine, perhaps his third real smile since escaping from Azkaban. It felt good to know that Norah was on his side.

That she trusted him enough to believe that he was telling the truth, that she believed him.

He couldn't have asked for a better woman to confide him, and hoped, when he was free, when all over this was over, that he would be able to call her a different title, not just as an acquaintance.

But as a friend.


	34. Sirius's Letter

**34**

**IT** felt to Remus as though all eyes were upon them as he escorted Tonks back up to the castle.

He could feel Professor McGonagall's eyes on him as his hand was on the small of Dora's back as he led her up to her personal quarters that were near his own so he could change and escort the witch who he now knew himself to be hopelessly in love to Hogsmeade for their date.

He felt Tonks nod her head curtly towards the Transfiguration Professor, but never once did she smile, Remus noticed.

He couldn't help but wonder what she was thinking, and just for a moment, he wished he were a Legilimens so he could see for himself what was flitting through her mind, how Tonks was looking exceptionally troubled as the pair walked in silence towards Tonks's bedroom.

Maybe it was their wrinkled clothing or unruly hair, how both of them surely had bags underneath their eyes from lack of sleep. They hadn't done much sleeping last night, not that Lupin regretted a split second of it. But he wondered now what Tonks was thinking of him. Was she thinking of him in awe, disgust at what the two of them had initiated last night?

Did she regret at all spending a night asleep in his arms, waking up next to him this morning? It was easy enough for Remus to pretend he saw awe and respect in those pale grey orbs of Dora's as they finally reached the door that led to her bedroom. He could bear the silence between them no longer as he spoke up.

"How long will you need to get ready?" he asked.

"Fifteen minutes," Tonks answered Lupin without so much as missing a beat, a light pink blush snaking its way onto her cheeks as she raked her fingers through her short bubblegum pink hair, shooting him a soft while smile that made him feel rather weak at the knees, a light, a warm feeling spreading throughout his body before turning her back on the man and gently closing the door behind her, though not before reaching forward to give him a gentle but chaste kiss on the cheek that caused a fiery warmth to spread from his toes and into his chest.

Lupin nodded and turned away from Tonks to head to his own room, literally just across the hall to shower and freshen up as best as he could for his first official date.

He startled at that revelation, though this time, instead of fear that coursed through his veins, it was a wave of excitement that ignited in the man's bloodstream, changing him. Either that or it was the full moon tonight, but he had taken his Wolfsbane, so he would be safe. He wondered if she'd stay with him.

Lupin showered and dressed quickly, opting for a simple white collared shirt and brown jacket and brown trousers that weren't so tattered and threadbare, letting out a tired sigh and raking his fingers through his tuft of light brown hair, swearing in the mirror he could see yet another grey hair that hadn't been there this morning.

Remus inhaled slowly as he offered the man staring back in the mirror at him a simple nod, wishing that he felt more confident and hoping that the fact that Tonks seemed to want to stay with him would be enough to quell his racing heart, which pounded relentlessly against his chest and threatened to break out and escape.

As he turned on his heels to wait in the corridor for Tonks, Lupin found he had a nervous habit of glancing down at his left wrist to his wristwatch that his father, Lyall, had given him when he'd come of age at seventeen.

Ten minutes. Tonks had said to only need fifteen. Only five more minutes, he thought wildly, feeling his eyes widen in shock and awe. Every time he glanced at his watch, he could feel his anxiety beginning to act up.

"Calm down. Don't give yourself a panic attack," he attempted to coax himself through gritted teeth, lowering his voice in the hopes that no one would hear.

A voice from his immediate left startled him, and the poor man who was nearly hysterical, his lungs begging for air that would simply not come to him, and wrought with worry at this point, almost cried out in surprise at the voice.

"First sign of the madness within, my old friend, you know. Talking to yourself when no one else is around to hear it. A sign you might be going _touched_ , Remus. You're just making it worse. You're better off not paying attention. You'll only succeed in stressing yourself out, even _more_ , Professor Lupin," came a familiar-sounding male voice that immediately made the fine hairs on the back of Lupin's neck stand upright. "I think you'll be just fine. The witch _likes_ you."

" _Arym_ , what a pleasant surprise to find you out here this morning," he growled through gritted teeth, turning to his left and found himself once more looking into the eyes of the goblin who'd woken him up the night Sirius had dared to enter into Hogwarts and attacked the Fat Lady's portrait.

The goblin's wild tuft of red hair streaked with white strands was looking somewhat wild and disheveled, as though it could use a good comb. His nose was pudgy and squashed-looking, as though it had been broken a time or two in a tavern brawl, and the red-haired short creature was looking admittedly nervous.

If judging by the beads of sweat along his browbone were any indication, and how his piercing black eyes like that of coal kept nervously flitting to the left and right. The goblin took a deep, shaking breath to steady himself as he looked about, his brow creased, and his arm shot out alongside the wall in an effort to right himself.

"Are you all right?" Lupin asked, not sure at all what the goblin was doing skulking about the corridor, much less in an effort to attempt to engage him in a conversation, wondering what Arym was doing here.

If Remus were being honest with himself, he still felt a pang of guilt towards his behavior the last time he had encountered the goblin, when he'd woken to find his bulbous nose merely inches apart from his own nose.

"Mmm?" The goblin looked startled as his head whiplashed upright to regard Lupin, a look of shock and surprise on his features, stunned at having been asked after.

Though Remus did not know Arym was in actuality Sirius, on his last swig of Polyjuice Potion before it ran out, Sirius himself was not used to having people ask after his well-being, especially not these days. On the contrary, most people expressed a desire that he suffer the Dementor's Kiss or fling himself in the Thames river.

"You are well? You're looking…rather _pale_ , Arym," Lupin finally said at last as he searched for the right words to describe the sheen of sweat along the goblin's protruding brow, furrowing his own brows as his eyes raked over Arym.

The goblin truly did not look well at all, though before Remus could ponder as to the change in the creature's physical appearance, Arym spoke up in a hoarse voice.

"No," the goblin rasped in a lonely voice that immediately caused Remus's ears to perk upright at the sudden surly undertone of the goblin's hardened voice.

Lupin's gaze rested on the goblin as the creature slowly shook his head that he wasn't fine.

"I came to speak to Professor Dumbledore. Is he in his office, Professor, do you know?" he asked casually. What on earth a _goblin_ could want with the likes of the Hogwarts Headmaster, Remus didn't know, but it was enough to arouse the faintest suspicion within him.

He glanced towards Tonks's still closed bedroom door, torn between the desire to knock and escort the woman he loved to Hogsmeade and the desire to continue talking with the unexpected, sudden arrival.

Shadows from the lighted torches resting in their sconces along the walls of the castle's corridor concealed half of Lupin's creased and tired face as the full moon approached. Remus's eyebrows rose in sheer curiosity.

"He is, you might be able to still catch him if you hurry. He has a…habit of frequently pacing his study. He does that quite a lot," he answered cautiously, having seen it for himself on the Marauder's Map less than an hour ago, his suspicions rising. "Would you like Auror Tonks and I to escort you there, we'd be more than happy?" he questioned, not wanting to allow essentially a stranger to wander Hogwarts' halls without an escort, still glancing out of the corner of his eyes towards Tonks's bedroom, the slightest movement of blurred brown against grey stone catching his attention as Tonks's door finally opened.

Wanting to continue his conversation with the strangely tall goblin, most unusual for a creature of his species, he forced himself to tear his gaze away from Arym and instead, looked towards his new girlfriend.

Tonks paused at the sight of Lupin conversing with the goblin she'd encountered exactly twice now, as a cautious little grin snaked its way on her face, her smile threatening to tug her lips upwards as she raked her fingers through her short bubblegum pink locks and glanced down at her outfit, a simple pink sweater and black leggings that were form-fitting and brown ankle boots, her little black purse slung over her left shoulder.

Lupin watched, momentarily amazed as the light from the torch to Tonks's immediate left illuminated her still-tired face and engulfing it in a soft, golden glow of sorts.

In that span of a single moment, Remus felt his breath hitch in his throat, his heartbeat thrumming wildly against his chest, and he felt quite warm all of a sudden.

Tonks looked…gorgeous. _Damn_ , he thought to himself. _She's beautiful. And she's mine_ , Lupin thought. She shot him a shy, soft white smile as she cautiously approached, intertwining her arm around Lupin's outstretched and waiting arm, though his good mood instantly plummeted into a sea of melancholy the moment Tonks turned her attention away from him and towards the goblin as Arym walked alongside the two of them, his footsteps hurried and seeming rather urgent.

"Arym," Tonks murmured in a polite, courteous tone that for reasons unknown made Lupin's blood boil. Perhaps it was an ill side effect of the full moon approaching tonight or the goblin's surprise appearance outside of his bedroom.

That was twice now the creature had shown up unannounced and uninvited around him.

Lupin wasn't sure what to make of it, thinking Arym to be something of an enigma, but nevertheless, he noticed Dora seemed to respect the creature, and so, he forced himself to be kind, though what he wanted most of all was to whisk Tonks away to Hogsmeade as planned, keep her company selfishly to himself for what time he could until the full moon approached later tonight and Remus would have to send her away for her own safety, despite the fact he'd taken his Wolfsbane Potion.

"Remus? Are…are you all right?" Tonks asked.

"Mmm?" Lupin blinked, the sound of Tonks's beautiful voice drawing him back to the present reality of their situation as the pair escorted him to Albus's office. He sanguinely raised his head to meet Dora's gaze but the look of concern in her eyes and expression was not admittedly what Lupin had expected from Tonks.

She cocked her head to the side like she always tended to do whenever she was trying to figure out something or when Tonks was trying to see something in a different, new perspective, though Lupin had found, whenever the young Auror did this, Nymphadora Tonks would come up with some of the wisest answers that he'd ever heard.

The sigh that strung from Tonks's face was exasperated as her gaze flitted from Remus to Arym.

"What's going on, Remus? Arym, why are you here? Has something…" she paused, unsure of herself, "happened?" she questioned, slowly turning her head to look towards the goblin, whose footsteps were almost falling in sync, in line with theirs. The goblin blanched at Tonks's questioning expression as Tonks slowly turned her head to meet his piercing gaze, though Remus couldn't be sure, a flicker of… _something_ , darted through the goblin's eyes.

"It…it was an _ambush_ , Professor Lupin. Miss Tonks. Pettigrew framed Black for the murders of James and Lily and those twelve Muggle bystanders, that day in London. I just thought you should know. I was there. Saw the whole damn thing."

The goblin's voice was low, raspy, and soft, and his head hung like that of a massive idiot's, Lupin quietly noticed.

Tonks's eyebrows shot so far up onto her forehead that they almost disappeared as she exchanged a brief, worried glance with Remus, who was looking and feeling just as equally surprised as she was, Tonks noticed.

"Wh— _what_?" she breathed, hardly daring to believe it.

"Sirius, the day that he confronted Pettigrew. An ambush, Professor Lupin. A _trap_ ," the goblin quickly explained, taking note of both the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor's and the pink-haired young Auror's looks of utter confusion.

"I…I'm afraid I don't understand," Lupin murmured slowly, though a thoughtful expression snaked its way onto his features. "What do you know of Sirius Black, Arym?"

The goblin made an odd, strangled noise at the back of his throat, and would have scoffed, was it not for the dark look the young professor was shooting the tall goblin.

It seemed to take Arym an eternity to find his voice again, and when the creature did, it was so soft, much more subdued than before, that Lupin and Tonks both had to strain their hearing and lean forward slightly to hear Arym.

"I was there that day, believe it or not. In the streets of London. Saw the whole thing with my own two eyes. Pettigrew's fear had given him away, the wretched whelp."

"What happened?" Remus demanded, his hackles raised in suspicion, his voice as grip and burning as dragon fire. He wasn't sure how Arym could have possibly been there, though he suspected the sooner he and Tonks escorted the goblin to Professor Dumbledore's office, the better they'd be.

"That night he came to your friend, to Black, he—he was unapologetic, yet he conceded, wanting someone to know the truth. I don't know why Pettigrew didn't send for you, or…"

Arym's voice trailed off as he shook his head in disgust. "I _knew_ he knew. His chance was slim, and yet, he refused. I…I don't know _how_ , but…I was paid a lot of money to give this to you, cornered me on the way out of the Hog's Head, said he'd engorge my tongue if I didn't give this to you, sir."

The unusual-looking trio paused outside of the gargoyle statue that led towards Professor Dumbledore's office, and Lupin's mind felt like it was reeling in shock and disbelief.

This creature could not have been there the night Pettigrew confronted Sirius over what he had done, it was virtually impossible. Goblins lived several hundreds of years, but this goblin could not have been older than twenty.

_I don't know why Pettigrew didn't send for you._

But…there was no way Arym could have known this. Remus had not _met_ this creature until a few weeks ago, and he certainly would have remembered laying eyes on someone like Arym, as tall as he was, for a goblin. Lupin frowned.

Something wasn't right and this didn't sit well at all. His words rang in his pounding eardrums as Arym gingerly held out a piece of old parchment paper that was half-crumpled, torn at the edges, and soaking wet with bits of snowflakes here and there.

Remus took the parchment almost effortlessly with his cold fingers, hardly aware of a figure nudging beside him, though the scent of her apple shampoo wafting in his noes quickly told him Tonks was peering over his right shoulder to try to get a better look at the paper.

"It was Pettigrew, Professor Lupin. Pettigrew is the one who betrayed the Potters, not Black," the goblin croaked in a hoarse sounding voice. "Believe me or not if you wish it, but _I_ know the truth, hence why I came seeking an audience with Dumbledore. I want to give him my memory of what happened before I might not get another chance to do so."

"May I take a look, Arym?" she questioned. "Sirius is my cousin. I should like to know the truth for myself if I can."

Both men's jaws clenched upon hearing Tonks's words. Lupin observed how Arym opened his mouth and shut it quicker than he himself could even blink his eyelids. A thick discomfort ruptured within the pits of their churning bellies, causing their throats to hollow and constrict and become painful.

Sirius, on the last vestiges of his patience and his disguise, paused. The truth was something of a bitch, Black knew, but to have his cousin surely torn to pieces by it in this dire time, well, it was safe to say Sirius was vexed.

"I'm afraid that…my memory is intended for Professor Dumbledore only, my dear," he murmured in Arym's voice, thanking Merlin his Polyjuice Potion, on its last leg, hadn't worn off yet, shooting both Lupin and Tonks an apologetic look, the edges of his voice quivering. "But…I—I have had… _interactions_ with Black before. I've n—never seen his face, he always speaks to me when my back is turned and his stupid wand pointed at my back, threatens to kill me if I turn around and get a good look at that handsome mug of his."

Arym made an odd noise at the back of his throat that sounded like a cross between a snort and a laugh before the goblin pressed on and continued.

"H—he did express a desire to meet you," he murmured, feeling a sheen of sweat break out along his browbone. "Black has a contact. He said to meet them at the edge of the Forbidden Forest. Black will reveal everything in time, b—but only to you both and to Dumbledore. He says…he said he cannot trust anyone else."

Tonks shared a brief but knowing look with Lupin. This was her _chance_. She felt like all her prayers to Merlin had finally been answered. Vindication and excitement coursed through her limbs like wildfire, along with the overpowering need for justice and revenge, and a desire to learn the truth.

"What about you, Remus? Would Sirius _want_ to see you?" she asked, lowering her eyes, and tilting her head so that a lock of her long pink bangs concealed the hurt within her eyes. Tonks knew how difficult this was sure to be for Lupin.

Lupin shared a rather dark look with Arym before he nodded. Pursing his lips, he turned towards Tonks, not giving the woman he loved a chance to hide her face from him as he cupped her chin in his hand firmly and raised it, forcing Tonks's eyes to look at him and meet Lupin's gaze.

Remus could see the fear that grazed Dora's pale grey-blue irises as she tried to retreat from Lupin's knowing look.

"I will meet with him," he announced in a slightly raised tone of voice, as much as to convince Tonks that he was not afraid to reunite with his old friend. "Alone, as he wishes it."

"What of me?" Tonks whispered though she did not sound afraid. "Will you come and meet him with me?" Here, she turned to Arym, as if looking towards the goblin for confirmation. "Did he say he wanted to speak to us both alone?"

Tonks's voice was soft, though she did not seem afraid, which both sent a swell of admiration and worry through Lupin's heart. He had no intentions of letting her go alone, and yet, he knew if they did not follow Sirius's wishes, there was a chance the man could possibly harm Tonks.

Lupin did not think he could live with himself if he allowed that to happen. Almost as if Tonks could sense what Lupin was thinking, she shot him a soft smile that instantly made his heart, that feeble muscle within his chest, quiver.

"I won't go alone," she whispered reassuringly. "I'll ask one of the professors, or maybe Norah to come with me. They'll hide within the tree lines in the shadows and listen."

Lupin nodded as Tonks noticed the small lump that bobbed down his throat, still not entirely convinced as he turned towards the gargoyle statue. "Lemon drops," he murmured, and the gargoyle's wings flung wide open, slowly but surely, and allowed Arym to step onto the stone platform. He rested what he hoped was a comforting hand on the small of Dora's back as he steered Tonks away from Arym, unable to shake the feeling of dread from his senses.

Lupin, as Arym's figure, disappeared as the gargoyle statue ascended up the winding stairwell that led to the Headmaster's office, pulled the piece of parchment paper that Arym had given him, supposedly written by Sirius.

He unrolled it to reveal rushed, unruly penmanship. His heart gave a pitiful painful lurch as he recognized Black's scrawling, hasty handwriting, the way he curved his y's.

Tonks drew in a breath beside her as she peered over his shoulder, their eyes scrolling as the two read the letter.

_To Moony,_

_If this reaches you, know by now that there's a good chance I'll be re-captured by the Aurors or suffered the Dementor's Kiss, though not without reason. Tomorrow night, I intend to finally carry out the crime I was committed to Azkaban Prison twelve years ago._

_But know that I will have gone with my wand in hand and ambition intact. I aim to make Peter suffer what he's done, what he took* from us._

_In war, Moony, nothing is ever right._

_There is blood on both sides, and death on both, and my side is no different. I suspect that cretinous whelp Arym has already told you what I plan to do._

_If you and my baby cousin are agreeable, I'd like an opportunity to meet with you both, in private, before it's too late. Two nights from now, in the Forbidden Forest. Tell Tonks to meet me by the boulder._

_She'll know which bloody one it is._

_And as for you, Moony, well, it seems only fitting that the Shrieking Shack will do._ _I'm sorry that I did not have a chance to tell you the truth sooner. That time is now long past, like a ship sailing in the night. But let me humor you at least by telling you what I know. Peter was the one who insisted the two of us meet alone that day in London._

_Though I highly doubted it, I went, following the betrayer's orders, the only thing on my mind at the time was how badly I wanted Wormtail dead for what he'd done, selling poor James and Lily to Voldemort like that._

_The man's a witless, dumb, moronic coward afraid of his own shadow, and when I confront him after all this time, the tip of my wand and his face shall be the last thing he sees before I sent him to the seven layers of hell myself._

_A few more things from a man surely on death's row. I wanted you to find your happiness in this world. I've watched you, believe it or not, over these last several months, my old friend, how happy you are with my cousin._

_I can see how much Tonks means the world to you, and you have got a greater duty to that young woman now more than anything else._ _Care for her, love her if she really makes you happy._

_If you find someone worth holding onto, never, ever let that person go, Moony. Don't._ _I regret not having been able to spend more of my miserable life together than we had, but I made my choice._

_You and I could have had some stories to tell, hadn't we? I hope to see both of you at least once more before I…before I end things. I only hope that you are amenable._ _If you are, tell your new girlfriend she's to meet me by the boulder in the Forbidden Forest at 6:00 on Monday, and you, Moony, you come to the Shrieking Shack, ALONE, 7:00._

_I'll have him. I don't give a damn how it happens, but I'll capture the bastard, and together, we'll make the rat squeal._ _I hope to see you one last time…old friend, and Merlin forgives me for what I've done because I certainly don't._

_Padfoot._

The letter had reached its end and yet Lupin's eyes kept still and undiminished from the parchment in his hands.

At the back of his mind, Remus could almost picture Sirius hunkered down somewhere, perhaps in the Shrieking Shack itself, in a lonely cold corner of the place that was truly an old haunt for Lupin, writing his sentences in crooked lines, his black ink staining the sides of his palms and the paper.

Warm water started brimming in his eyes, his chest undulating with a horrible pressure that tapered off as a sob that he was desperately trying to swallow down but couldn't.

The parchment paper crumpled within his fist and Lupin swore under his breath the moment he felt Tonks's hand come up to cup underneath his chin and she tilted his head to the right, forcing him to look at her, just as he had done to her moments ago.

He almost didn't want to look at her, for he did not want Tonks to see him as he was right now, a disheveled mess on the brink of a massive new breakdown.

"We'll learn the truth, Remus," she whispered in a soft, reassuring voice. "One way or another." Her hands drifted downward and clasped onto his tightly, giving his hands a light, reassuring squeeze, as though afraid to let go. " _Together_." She urged, whispering it into the shell of his ear. "Let's…let's go to The Three Broomsticks and grab a drink. We'll talk about what to do there over a butterbeer or a Fire Whiskey or something. We both could use one. It's noisy enough, no one will hear us I don't think if we sit in the back. Nothing's going to be solved yet anyway. We—we know what we have to do," she murmured, swallowing down thickly past a lump in her throat. "I'll ask Norah to come with me. I trust _her_ not to do anything rash over one of the teachers, except for _you_ ," Tonks added as an afterthought.

He tried to smile, though he lacked the strength to do so, though before he could part his lips open to speak, her lips were pressed against his, and he felt his hands moving of their own accord, one coming to rest against her cheek, the other pressing softly in the back of her hair, entangling his fingers in her short pink lips, feeling her move against him.

Lupin decided that, as he kissed her in front of the doors that would take them out to the courtyard and to Hogsmeade, that he didn't care if the entire school was watching, as long as he was kissing Tonks when it happened, that was the only thing that mattered to him.

Given the grim nature of the letter they'd just read, he had not expected Tonks to kiss him, and he still loved it. It felt so nice, warm, and yet, somehow, it made his heart feel even heavier at the monumental task that lay ahead of them.

The confrontation with Sirius was a conversation that he both dreaded and feared and was not at all one he was looking forward to having. But he had to do it. He owed it to Tonks to protect her, keep her safe, as Sirius had suggested in his letter. He had to do this for her.

Because…they both needed to be free, to know the truth if Sirius Black really _was_ an innocent man.

Because he cared for her. He knew it now. She was his mate. The two pulled apart at last, and Tonks allowed Lupin to take her by the hand and lead her away from Hogwarts and any prying eyes that followed their backsides, no longer caring. As long as he was with Tonks, he knew that no matter what, everything would work out in the end.

Because she was by his side. And because he loved her.


	35. By Her Side

**35**

**LUPIN** wondered how it had come to this. The night had started off like so many others over the last few weeks, at least it had seemed that way the longer he spent in Dora's company, though the weight and crushing guilt of Sirius's letter, along with what his former friend was asking him to do sat on his heart.

He could tell as he looked across the small wooden round table tucked in the furthermost corner of the Three Broomsticks, in a corner where they were sure not to be overheard, that she was thinking the same thing.

How could they possibly be here, enjoying themselves, when tomorrow, they ran the possibility of _everything changing_? There was no telling what Sirius would do to Tonks, or how Tonks was going to react, much less how _he_ would react when the entire truth came to light. His mind felt like it was reeling from everything he had just learned.

Lupin let out a tired sigh and sipped at his glass of Fire Whiskey, looking around the pub and observing everything else. There was Hagrid, sitting alongside Professor Vectra, who was looking utterly flabbergasted and slightly repulsed at the amount of butterbeer Hagrid was able to tuck away.

Remus smiled softly, the corners of his mouth twitching upward as he didn't bother to tamper down the soft smile as he turned his attention back towards Tonks, thinking that it was nice that other people were having such a good time.

His smile almost instantly faltered as he studied the worried look on Dora's pale, somewhat ashen features. "I…"

He started to think of something—anything—to say to her that would put her mind at ease but found he couldn't.

Remus froze as he watched the young pink-haired Auror trace the beads of condensation along the outside of her glass of Fire Whiskey, her lips pursed in a thin, unmovable line, and a rather pensive look on her features that was odd.

A beat passed before the implication sunk in, and Remus realized that Tonks was probably still thinking of last night.

He stammered as a light pink blush speckled its way along his cheeks and he turned his head to the side so she wouldn't see.

"Are you ashamed that you and I…that we…?" Tonks asked softly, her words tapering off, as her voice was so hushed and faint that it was barely above a light whisper.

Remus felt his eyes widen in shock and terror, and his head whiplashed sharply back towards Tonks as he looked at her with raised eyebrows. "N—no, I—I'm _not_ ," he insisted. "I—I just…" He stammered, pausing to allow himself a moment to collect his thoughts while he stared down into his mug of butterbeer, searching for the right words. His brows furrowed for a moment in concentration, but then his entire face softened, as if in mild bewilderment.

Finally, Lupin decided that the truth would be best. Something within his heart told him Dora could handle it.

"I just…I never thought that it would happen to me," he murmured, his cheeks flushing high with color, though there was a burning intensity in Dora's gaze that told Remus not to look away, and even if he wanted to, he couldn't.

Her gaze held him captive there and ensnared him. Tonks frowned, her thin brows knitting together with worry, her heart aching a little at hearing such painful words coming from someone as kind and gentle as Lupin.

She supposed she shouldn't be at all surprised by this sentiment. The poor man's initial disbelief of her desire to sleep with him last night should have been telling enough.

Nevertheless, knowing and understanding where such horrible self-deprecating thoughts were coming from brought out a fierce sense of protectiveness within Tonks.

Willing herself to calm down a little, she propped her elbows up on the little wooden table and rested her face in her hands, smiling softly across the way at her new partner. Well. Boyfriend, she supposed, was the better word, here.

Tonks smiled as she reached across the table and gave his arm an affectionate little squeeze. "I—I didn't know when…I would find someone else to spend my life with, after…after Ollie left me, but I…" She paused, gathering her thoughts. Tonks told him softly, her gaze softening as she met Lupin's gaze with her own. "But I'm glad it's happened with you, Remus."

Slowly, Remus somehow managed to lift his chin and meet her gaze, and though the light pink color never left his emaciated cheeks, Lupin seemed a little bit comforted. With a sheepish smile, shoving his drink aside, he leaned across the table and took hold of both of Nymphadora's hands.

"I'm glad too," he murmured, and this time, it was Lupin who took the initiative for a change, closing the gap of space between them with a gentle but passionate kiss, no longer caring if any of the patrons in the tavern saw them.

He let out a content sigh as he tilted his head, though Tonks was the first to break off the kiss, and as she reeled back, she looked as though Lupin had slapped her, and she'd likely have fallen off her chair had she not shot out her arms and seized onto fistfuls of Remus's sweater for support just now.

Lupin's face paled as he bolted upright from his chair, almost overturning it in his haste to go around the length of the table to appear at Dora's side. She looked physically ill.

Remus was quick to decide he did not like how Tonks was looking dangerously past him, looking as though she was remembering something very important, something…new.

" _Damn_ ," she cursed under her breath through gritted teeth, and the sudden shift in countenance startled Lupin.

"What?" he demanded, the edges of his voice hardening, not sure that he liked the darker cloud appearing in her pale grey-blue irises, the one Dora tended to shelter herself with whenever the topic of the Black side of her family was brought up. He had learned since being her partner over the course of several months to avoid discussing such matters.

Tonks slowly blinked, his face coming back into focus. The man's light brown irises were wide with concern, his scarred lips parted with an unvoiced, obvious question.

"Are you sick?" he asked, pushing aside a few locks of her bubblegum pink hair to feel her forehead. A little clammy, but Tonks didn't feel feverish, so why this sudden change?

"N—no, not…not quite. I—I just need to _go_ right now. Before…before it's too late," she whispered in a faint voice.

Though before Tonks could tug out of his grasp, his arms shot out in front of her and immediately tugged her back, where she let out a muffled squeak of surprise as she leaned into Lupin's chest, though he was internally relieved when she allowed herself to relax into his warm, comforting hold.

"Will you slow down and tell me what's wrong, Dora?" Remus pleaded, his voice gentle but earnest and worried.

At the sound of the man's pleading request, the young Auror seemed to come back to him a little and out of her daze, her movements still as she relaxed in the man's arms.

Tonks was looking like she wanted nothing more than to grab her bag and bolt for the front door of The Three Broomsticks, but Lupin refused to let himself believe she would. After everything the two of them had talked about, after what they had been through and done last night, he had to believe that Dora would just leave him so coldly.

He knew Nymphadora Tonks much better than that. Tonks hesitated, her gaze shifting nervously from him towards the front door of the tavern, looking as though she wanted nothing more than to bolt.

"I…I have to go _home_ , Remus. My parents deserve to know what's going on. They—they won't like that Sirius wants to meet with me alone tomorrow, but my mum and dad deserve to know the truth. The full truth," she quickly explained, drawing in a deep, shaking exhale before continuing. "I…I fear what's going to happen to my parents when people…when people know the truth. The media's going to get wind. _The Daily Prophet_ 's going to be the first to know with a scumbag reporter like Rita Skeeter at the helm of their stupid gossip column," Tonks admitted sheepishly, nervously biting on her lower lip and tucking a wisp of her pink hair back behind the contour of her ear where it went. "I don't care so much about what happens to _me_ , but I want to save my parents the torment if I'm able to, and the best way to do that is to warn them" she grumbled, a dark look flitting across her features as she lifted her gaze to meet Lupin. "What about _you_?"

"Don't worry about _me_ , Dora. Let's just say that I…well, I'm used to it," he admitted, his expression pained to see her look so distraught and worried over what she thought all of this was going to do to him and his newfound reputation.

"But the way people like you and Norah are treated when they find out what you are _doesn't_ make it all right for it to happen, Remus." Tonks bit down on her lower lip and folded her arms across her chest. She turned away from him and walked away from their table in the Three Broomsticks, but not before grabbing her coat and bag and slinging them over her arm, not bothering to acknowledge the severed voodoo heads hanging on the door on her way out the door.

She stalked down the path of Hogsmeade, away from the Three Broomsticks, leaving Lupin following close behind right at her heels. It was clear by Tonks's lengthy strides that the young Auror had no intention of checking out the rest of the shops, as he had been hoping they would tonight.

Though if Lupin were being honest with himself at the moment, despite the immense disappointment that their date hadn't gone quite as planned, Remus supposed neither one of them would be able to have a good time with the weight of both of their meetings with Sirius Black tomorrow practically looming over their heads and consciences like a darkened rain cloud that was currently dampening the mood.

"I'm fed up with _all_ of this, Remus. The cruel words, the fighting, the hatred towards people like you and I, it only happens to people like us. People who are _different_ , not…not people who are bad," Tonks whispered in a hushed voice.

Her voice broke a little as she paused just outside of the Shrieking Shack, and with her back turned towards Remus, it was almost impossible for him to gauge her expression.

Lupin watched, feeling helpless as her shoulders started to shake, her fingers digging into the fabric of her sweater's sleeves. Though he could not blame Dora for getting upset, it did not change the fact that it broke his heart to see her like this. Cautiously, he reached out and gingerly touched her shoulder.

"Tonks…I'm not going to let anything happen. To me _or_ to you. Whatever happens, we'll be _fine_."

Without so much as a warning, his new girlfriend turned and practically flung herself at him. She very nearly knocked him back, the element of surprise unbalancing him.

Dora's cheek was warm against the dip of his neck, and Tonks's grip was unfailingly tight and protective and warm.

It took Lupin a moment or two to understand just what had happened before wrapping his arms around her shivering form, pulling Tonks close and resting his chin on top of her hair, taking comfort in the warmth she gave off.

"Thank you, Remus. You're one of the kindest men I've ever met in my entire life," Tonks whispered in a small, faint voice. "I—I _don't_ want to see you get _hurt_ like everyone else I've known. Everyone I've ever known has either _died_ or _left_ me. Everyone except for _you_ ," she confessed, pulling back to study his face, biting down on her lip in a skittish manner. "So, don't even try to _think_ of saying that I would be _safer_ with someone else, Lupin, because…the truth is, I would just be more scared," Tonks confessed, her voice cracking.

Lupin felt like his heart leaped up into his throat, stifling whatever words of comfort he had been prepared to spout.

No one had ever said something quite like it to him before. It was poetry. Much less had a woman ever held him so close in his arms like this. Rooted to his spot, he stood in silence as Dora's body shivered violently with light sobs.

She did not bother to raise her head, and Remus was glad for it, for Tonks would have seen his own eyes filling with wretched tears that escaped from his lids before he could even think about trying to blink them back. He didn't care.

The intoxicating smell of whatever shampoo she used smelled like apples and rainwater clung to her scent and filled Lupin's wolfish senses as he tightened his arms around her. He raised a trembling hand and touched the base of her skull, hoping it would convey his meaning that was now stuck in his throat as his tongue refused its release.

Tonks exhaled a shaking breath, trying to steady her breathing, thinking how nice it felt, good to feel satisfied and safe in Remus John Lupin's arms. She wouldn't be anywhere else. His next words to her made her breaths catch in her throat.

"No one will touch you, Dora, as long as I'm around." His hands caressed the small of her back as his breath tickled her ear. "It's up to us now to see this through tomorrow."

Tonks looked up at Lupin and nodded, trusting Remus's words. However difficult confronting Sirius was going to be tomorrow, she was going to defy the odds and bring him in.

She had to. The two of them gazed at each other for a long moment until Tonks leaned forward to softly kiss his lips.

Tonks pulled apart first and caught his hand in hers the moment he moved to retreat back into himself. "Come on." Without waiting for Lupin to say anything, Tonks gave his hand a gentle squeeze and began to drag him back towards the castle, away from Hogsmeade. "Come with me," she said.

Lupin was still somewhat dazed from their kiss, his mind not altogether focused. It took him a moment or two to realize what she had said. "Go? Wh— _where_?" Lupin stammered, feeling a light pink blush creep onto his cheeks.

The incredulous look Tonks was currently shooting him as she slowly lifted her head and locked her gaze with his made him feel as though he'd sprouted antlers or something.

He flinched, thinking he'd overstepped by asking her.

Though what she did next, surprised him. A tiny, shy smile flitted across her pale heart-shaped face that Remus hoped he could see more of in the coming days of their new relationship.

When she found her voice, her tone was so faint that if Lupin hadn't already had Dora pressed firmly against his chest, not willing to relinquish his grip on her, he felt sure that he'd have missed Tonks's words completely.

"To meet my parents."


	36. Not Let Her Go

**36**

**LUPIN** wondered if there had ever been a time in his life where he felt more nervous than he did standing in the backyard of Dora's childhood home than he did right now.

He had faced a number of Dark creatures, gone against Lord Voldemort once before during the Dark Lord's first rise to power, had taught over the last several weeks, James and Lily's son how to conjure a corporeal Patronus to ward off the Dementors, and yet, nothing could quite compare with the daunting task that lay ahead of him of meeting her parents.

It occurred to him he'd never met another witch's parents like this before. At least, not one that he was romantically interested in. The thought taunted him. All throughout the walk through the wizarding village in which her parents lived, the throng of Dora's parents' neighbors had begun to notice the two of them holding hands.

Snippets of hushed whispers and shocked chatter reached Lupin's wolfish hearing, causing his ears to perk up.

"That's Ted and Andromeda's daughter, isn't it?" A woman's voice murmured as she recognized the slender pink-haired woman in the scarred, tall stranger's tight grip.

"That's _her_ all right, I'd recognize the hair anywhere," a man commented, sounding thoroughly shocked in disbelief.

"With a… with a…a _werewolf_ ," someone gasped, hushed.

Tonks felt her face drain of colors as the anger began to well within the pit of her churning stomach. Her parents' neighbors, these kind-enough folks that she had been raised among as a little girl, gawking at her behind her back, again. It was the same rage that kindled in her heart whenever they whispered in hushed voices about her abilities as a Metamorphmagus.

This time, however, it was not shame of the powers that burned deep within her, but pride, a fierce protectiveness for the man holding her hand. Just because of his status as a wolf. How dare they act as though the man that she knew herself to be in love with was something of which to be ashamed, just because of his condition.

Or, as he liked to call it, 'his wolf problem,' or on occasion, he'd told her that Harry's dad and Sirius used to call it his 'furry little problem,' which made Tonks laugh. Though laughing was the last thing she felt like doing. She let out a tired sigh and craned her neck up to look at Lupin out of the corner of her eye. She furrowed her thin eyebrows into a frown. She couldn't be sure, but was he…?

Was he _smiling_? Why on earth was he smiling right now? This puzzled her, and she was sure the shock and confusion must have been evident on her face as she gaped.

"I—I'm sorry," Tonks apologized in a low voice to Remus, her embarrassment at how her parents' neighbors were behaving as they wound their way through the old cobblestoned streets of the quaint, medieval-style village in which her parents lived, forced an unwanted blush to her face. Though she blinked when she saw Remus smile at her.

Lupin chuckled. "Do you really think I haven't heard those types of words before, Dora, from other people, in other places?" he questioned, almost daring to sound…amused. "Let's just say that people like me are, well…used to it by now. Their words don't bother me. They're fools, all of them."

He lightly brushed at her cheek as if to wipe away the redness. She smiled understandingly at Lupin, comforted by the Defense Against the Dark Art's Professor's quiet strength.

Tonks laughed into Lupin's ear as she paused to rest her head against his shoulder for a moment, rolling her eyes to herself as she noticed one of her mother's friends, the florist from the looks of her, stared at them in shock and ire.

Tonks snorted and only squeezed onto Lupin's hand that much tighter as she continued to lead the way, ignoring the flustered looks from her parents' neighbors until she stopped in front of a quaint but simple-looking little cottage.

The cottage looked as if it was straight out of a fairytale with a happy ending or a picture book for little kids. It looked like many things. It was rusty, old, and dusty, but rather welcoming. The whole house was made of dark red bricks. A tiny stove, two small wooden chairs, a circular table, a not-so-large mattress, and that was quite it, though Tonks knew Remus would see for himself the moment her dad let the two of them inside the house.

Hedges and vines and honeysuckles and so much more. A green gate with paint falling off was the door to the property. Then came a narrow dirt path, a tiny pond with lily pads, and a few ducks, maybe a frog or two. A two-meter hedge surrounded the property. Vines grew up the archway and the arched wooden door with brown planks. The grass was green and yellow, scorched by the hot, blazing sun in the summer. Two huge trees, one with red and orange leaves. One of the trees was hollow.

A family of squirrels lived there. Occasionally, a woodpecker or an owl would come to visit too. Life was plain here in her old childhood home, simple and quite hard.

But life was good and happy, too. Tonks could only hope that her parents would accept her partner, just as he was.

Ted and Andromeda Tonks were already waiting for their daughter on the front porch of their cottage as Dora squeezed Lupin's hand and led him through the front gate.

She smiled up at her parents, happy to see them both, though it did not escape her attention how her dad's eyes regarded Lupin, whose hand was entwined around his girl's.

He wondered at the obvious between the two of them. This was the first time Dora had ever brought a man home, but if he was good enough for his little girl, then Ted supposed he would be good enough for him and Meda, too. The middle-aged wizard could not help but return his daughter's grin.

It had been too long since she'd come back home for a visit, and he and his wife had missed her terribly. Dora gave Remus a loving nod as she wordlessly slipped out of his tight grasp and marched up the front steps of their porch and into the waiting arms of her parents.

"My baby girl," Ted proclaimed warmly as he and Meda held Dora close, sandwiched in between the two of them. "It's so good to see you. Are you going to stay a little while longer this time?"

"I hope so," Tonks exclaimed with a sense of relief, happy tears prickling at the corners of her eyes. It had been months since she'd last stopped by her old home to pay a visit to her parents.

Lupin remained unmoved by the steps of the Tonks' front porch. He would allow her parents time alone with their daughter.

He understood and respected their need for a reunion. If it had been one of his daughters who was being asked to apprehend one of their own family members who was a mass murderer and was constantly putting herself at risk and in harm's way, he would want his time with her, too.

So, he chose to remain standing quietly in the background, enjoying seeing Tonks's happiness right now.

"Your dad and I got your owl. Are you _sure_ you're okay to do this?" Andromeda questioned, holding onto her daughter tighter. "We've been out of our minds with worry. What if he _hurts_ you?" she lamented painfully, squeezing her eyes shut and trying to force away from the horrible image of what Black could possibly do to her.

"I'm well looked after, Mum, Sirius isn't going to hurt me, not with my partner by my side," Tonks murmured, relinquishing herself from her parents' ironclad grip. She smiled softly as she looked over her shoulder to where Remus stood patiently waiting.

Tonks was eager to introduce the man she loved to her doting parents, certain her mum and dad would be instantly fond of him.

"Mum, Dad, I'd like you to meet my partner that Professor Dumbledore paired me alongside to help capture Black, this is Professor Remus Lupin. He teaches the Defense Against the Dark Arts position up at the school, and he's saved my life a few times."

She beamed and fell silent, waiting for her parents to respond.

Andromeda and Ted Tonks followed their daughter's line of sight where she was looking to the tall young man in his early thirties, looking quite pale and tired though pleasant enough, looking as respectable as he possibly could in a threadbare suit that looked darned at the hems and edges, but it was obvious that he was trying, as he nervously shifted his weight from one foot to the other. It was clear their Dora cared for this man, this Lupin if judging by the way that they had been holding hands a second ago.

Ted moved to rest either of his hands-on Dora's shoulders, still supporting her, and regarded Remus in silence for a long moment.

"It seems then that Meda and I are in your debt, Professor," he said gratefully. "You've looked after our little girl, made sure she's stayed safe and out of trouble." He embraced Dora tighter.

Lupin inclined his head in Ted and Andromeda's direction, mindful of showing Nymphadora's parents the utmost respect.

"It was the only thing that I could do, Mr. Tonks," he confessed in earnest. "I made the Headmaster a promise, sir."

Andromeda and Ted collectively noticed how Lupin never once took his eyes off of their daughter, and how she seemed breathless in the werewolf's gaze. Oh, they'd known about her partnership with the wolf. Dumbledore was adamant about sending monthly correspondence to them when Tonks had failed.

Tonks's parents had heard rumors of how werewolves lived, those underneath Fenrir Greyback's ruling, at least. The word that trickled through the streets of Diagon and Knockturn Alley was that they were savage beasts, creatures of shadow who refused to show loyalty to anyone who wasn't a wolf-like them, and whose society was uncivilized and lawless, living deep within the woods.

Most of the wizarding world lived in fear of werewolves, as it was believed their conditions were contagious. For his part, Ted had never quite believed those myths, and neither did his Meda.

Especially considering the fact that Professor Dumbledore liked and respected one well enough to appoint in a highly responsible and sought after position within Hogwarts, as well as pair the man alongside their Dora to capture Sirius Black, then that was good enough for Tonks's parents, they quickly decided.

Tonks's parents were of a staunch and firm belief that these myths surrounding werewolves were based more on a sense of ignorant fear rather than the unfamiliar and actual truths, oh, yes.

And this young werewolf, in particular, seemed to have taken excellent care of their daughter, and in the end, that was all that mattered to Mr. and Mrs. Tonks. For a moment, they stood in thick, nervous silence, the tension so thick in the air you could have cut it with a butter knife. Mrs. Tonks broke the silence first.

"Dora, why don't you come inside and help me make some tea? Will the two of you be all right to chat on the porch a moment? Or you could move to the backyard if that's more to your liking," she offered. "We've plenty of shaded trees," she said, noticing how Lupin was squinting and having to shield his eyes to avoid the sun blinding him. "Go around back. We'll bring you both something to drink and a plate of cookies," she offered, and without giving Tonks a chance to respond, proceeded to grab Dora's arm and drag her up the front porch steps of their home.

Tonks glanced back over her shoulder once and shot Remus what she hoped was an encouraging smile, though she couldn't quite shake the feeling by the way her father was looking at Lupin that something felt, well… _off_. But she had no time to ponder it.

_I'll be fine,_ Tonks mouthed silently to Remus when she noticed her partner open his mouth to protest, his brows furrowed together in a look of concern and slight terror at the thought of being left alone with just her father for company, and Meda closed the door behind her with a loud clang as it rattled in its rusty hinges.

Ted looked curiously at the now-closed door with interest.

In the time it had taken for Andromeda to tug their daughter up the steps of their porch and into the kitchen, Dora and this Lupin fellow had returned their gazes more than a couple of times.

Ted Tonks cleared his throat rather loudly, eliciting a startled response from the Hogwarts Professor as the poor man very nearly jumped out of his skin at this point, looking quite flustered.

He understood that this werewolf and his daughter had likely been intimate if judging by the sparkling glint in the man's light brown eyes and the way he tended to linger on her backside was any indication for Mr. Tonks to go off of.

However, for now, he wanted to give his daughter and this wolf some time spent away from one another, at least until he knew this Lupin fellow better.

"Follow me, son, we'll head around to the backyard. Plenty of shade there and it'll be much more comfortable for you, I think."

Ted barked his commands in a slightly clipped tone, diverting Remus's attention away from the front door, causing him to feel more than a little slightly perturbed as he bristled, staying put. He was not a man who was used to be told what to do by another.

Lupin forced himself to quickly shove down the annoyance that flared within his chest.

This was Dora's father, after all, he had to remind himself. He would have to learn to give the older wizard his accustomed authority and he was, like it or not, for now, a guest in their home, and he did not want to cause a rift between Dora and her parents by behaving in an uncouth, rude manner.

They walked in silence towards the backyard and Remus was relieved to see a pair of chairs had been set up underneath the shade of an old willow tree, its tendrils swaying lazily in the breeze.

Remus hung back and watched as Dora's father strode over to a small wooden side table, taking two pewter goblets and filling them with what looked to be suspiciously like red house-elvish-made wine when he took the cup offered to him from Ted's hand.

Lupin raised the goblet's rim to his lips and drank slowly, all the while watching Ted's movements as Mr. Tonks followed suit and took a seat in the chair, motioning for Remus to follow suit.

He got the impression that Dora's father was trying to seem ominous and an imposing authority figure, perhaps to warn him or size him up when it came to his intentions regarding his girl.

Remus supposed he couldn't blame the aging old wizard. Before lupin could open his mouth to speak, Dora's father broke the silence first. "I heard you and my daughter intend to confront her cousin tomorrow," he announced judgingly as Lupin took another sip of the elvish red-wine, the beverage burning his throat.

Remus very nearly choked on his wine. For once, it felt as though his calm and collected demeanor were failing him miserably. He studied Ted Tonks restlessly. How had he known?

Ted's father's lips curled upwards into a slight smirk.

"She wrote to us as much in a letter, asking if she could come home. I imagine her mother has much to say about this to her inside," he murmured darkly under his breath, briefly turning his gaze towards the backmost part of their house, no doubt wondering as to the nature of his wife and his daughter's conversation inside.

Ted was silent for a moment before he spoke again, raising his eyebrows and stroking his chin in a thoughtful, considerate way.

"I don't think it's not a secret that you're in love with my daughter, Mr. Lupin. My wife and I can see it, so please don't even think about trying to deny it, Professor, sir," he murmured softly, staring at Remus sitting next to him with a scrutinizing look.

Lupin nodded, thinking it would do him no good to lie anyways. "Since…since I first laid eyes on her," he admitted, feeling grateful at least, that his tone showcased his convictions.

And this much was truer, still. He'd been captivated by the bright young witch ever since he'd laid eyes on her that night in the Hogwarts Express's main compartment upfront by the driver.

"And when was this?" Ted's shoulders slumped forward as the older wizard allowed himself to relax, grateful they were at last finally getting to the heart of the matter he wished to discuss.

"The first night of the school term, sir," Lupin recounted quietly. He could sense that Ted Tonks was slowly warming up to him, which he was grateful for. His eyes went soft remembering the first time he had laid eyes on Nymphadora Tonks. He caught his breath. "She's the most beautiful woman I know, Mr. Tonks."

" _Beautiful_ ," Ted questioned, as though he doubted Remus's statement, to which Lupin shot him a rather pointed dark glare. "Not many have found my sweet daughter beautiful, Mr. Lupin. Save for that—that pompous arrogant Legilimens. I should have _hexed_ him the moment he came into my Nymphadora's life."

The note of bitterness in the man's voice as he brought up Dora's ex-boyfriend was unmistakable, and Remus, ever the intuitive man that he was, decided a change in the conversation was in order.

"I love your daughter, Mr. Tonks. With all that I am, though I may not be much at all. I take it that in your—your letters exchanged between you and Dora, you know of my...ailment?"

He wildly gesticulated with his hands to his scars, feeling a scorching heat creep to his cheeks as Ted Tonks's gaze sobered. Lupin fought against the urge to look away, though dared not.

"Yes," Ted answered, waving away Lupin's words with a distant wave of his hand. "You strike me as a cautious man, Professor Lupin. I don't think I need to tell you to be careful, and my Dora knows better than to get involved in the life of someone whom she can't handle," he chuckled, a light twinkle forming in his eyes before he again turned serious and fixed Remus with an intense stare that the poor man wasn't quite sure what to make of. "Just don't wait too long to make an honest woman of my daughter, Mr. Lupin. You two seem quite content with one another, and I've only ever wanted my daughter to be happy."

"What…?" Remus started but trailed off when the meaning of Dora's father's words sunk in. In the silence that followed, the aging older wizard quirked an eyebrow at him, pursing his lips.

"Unless…marriage to my Dora _isn't_ in your plans, sir?" he asked slowly, trying to gauge Remus's reactions as he spoke softly.

"I…I don't know, sir," Lupin murmured, almost to himself. "We…we've never really discussed it if I'm being honest, sir."

Ted Tonks nodded slowly in understanding. "Well. Don't worry too much about it. I imagine all of this with my Dora is new to you, considering…the _challenging_ circumstances surrounding your life right now, with Sirius's pending re-capture again. Just keep it in mind if you intend to keep my daughter around, yes?"

Lupin nodded, his mind swimming as he sat in silence for a moment trying to collect his thoughts. He knew her father was right. He'd been essentially living with Tonks for months under the same roof, and ever since she'd begged him to stay the night with her, he'd felt, well…confused.

Happy, elated, yes, but painfully and horribly confused. After surviving the aftermath of their night in the Shrieking Shack together, Remus wasn't sure where to go next, what was the next step in their relationship.

Nymphadora Tonks treated him unlike anyone else ever had in his life. Sitting close to him, holding his hand whenever possible, resting her head on his shoulder, and she wasn't shy about stealing a kiss whenever she wanted, even if it was in the middle of walking in between the corridors, not caring if the students or staff saw.

Despite Lupin having never made any mention of it at all, she acted as he imagined a wife would around her husband.

But…if that were the case, then why did he feel a sudden pang of unease welling within his chest at the idea of Sirius confronting her this evening when they got back to the castle?

He was innocent, Remus was sure of this in the letter Padfoot and written, and yet… There was a horrible nagging feeling growing in his chest that he could no longer ignore, and it was a feeling he recognized.

The idea of allowing Tonks to confront Sirius alone, whether or not her friend and fellow werewolf Norah accompanied her, didn't sit well at all with Lupin.

"He's not going to rest until he speaks with us, but…I don't feel right in letting Dora go alone. Despite the fact that I think he's innocent, he might still be dangerous, and I don't think I can live with myself to put her in harm's way."

He wasn't even aware he'd spoken it out loud until Ted slowly swiveled his head towards the front, just in time to see Dora and Andromeda come out the back door that led onto their patio, Tonks carrying a heavily laden tray of teacups and a small plate of cookies in her hand.

"What are you going to do about it?" Ted said in a quiet voice, lowering his voice an octave to ensure only Remus could hear, as Dora's father looked on him with sympathy. "You don't have much time to figure it out, son," he murmured, sounding alarmed.

Lupin averted her father's gaze. His words were starting to scare him because he knew Ted Tonks was right.

Men like Sirius never gave up until they got their way, and even if Peter was the one behind the murders and Sirius was innocent, then there was still the chance that Dora would be put directly in harm's way anyways and Peter Pettigrew would be the one to hurt her instead.

He forced himself to swallow down hard past the lump in his throat as Tonks and Andromeda approached, smiling at the men. He did not want to show Dora just how frightened he was. For her, he had to be strong.

"I know what I need to do, Mr. Tonks. I promise, I won't let anything happen to your daughter," he said evenly, ensuring his voice remained quiet and calm as he spoke.

Ted slowly swiveled his head back around to meet his gaze.

"Which is?" he questioned, seeing the look of set determination and resolve on the man's heavily scarred face, not sure what to make of the sudden shift in the man's countenance. "What are you going to do to ensure my girl's safety, Mr. Lupin?"

Lupin turned to look at Ted Tonks and fixed the older wizard with a pointed stare as the man rose from his chair and murmured to Meda in a low voice to give the two of them a moment alone.

When he spoke to Ted, despite feeling Dora's questioning stare as her eyebrows knitted together with worry, Remus ensured his voice was low enough so that only Ted Tonks could hear him as the man put his hand on the small of his wife's back and walked away, giving their daughter and her partner their privacy to have a conversation that Remus knew was not at all bound to be pleasant.

"Not let her go."


	37. Duty Calls

**37**

**TONKS** wasn't sure she liked the look in Remus's eyes as she set down her steaming mug of tea and settled herself in the chair underneath the willow tree in her parents' backyard, nor was it a particularly good sign, she thought, that her parents left the two of them alone, mumbling something about giving them a second.

Her intuition was buzzing like a hive of bees, sensing something was wrong. "Remus?" she questioned, a note of hope laced throughout her voice that the man would just come clean with whatever was ailing him and be honest with her. "What's wrong? H-has something…" she paused, feeling suddenly so self-conscious and unsure of herself. " _Happened_?" she asked at last.

The moment had come that Lupin had been dreading. He'd felt this insurmountable feeling welling up within himself for the better part of the last few nights, ever since they'd lain together.

He did not want Dora to get hurt, and the best way to do that was to keep her safe. Away from Sirius until he learned the truth.

He could delay speaking about it no longer. "I…there's something you and I should discuss, Tonks, something that you're going to want to hear," he murmured softly. Lupin's tone brought concern to her gaze as Lupin took hold of the young woman's hand and stared deep into Nymphadora Tonks's pale grey irises for what felt like several long moments.

He stroked back a wisp of her pink hair that had fallen across her face. Then suddenly, Remus found he could not bear to look into the shining adoration in the young Auror's eyes that he found as their gazes locked. He wasn't worthy. He turned instead to stare at some point across the Tonks' backyard, at the edge of the woods, which he didn't truly see as his attention wasn't fully focused.

"I have to go back. _Without_ you. It's what's best for you, Dora, sweetheart." His voice was faint, very nearly a whisper at this point.

The fact that Remus had gone so quiet and suddenly could not bear to look her in the eyes caused Tonks's heart to drop to the bottom of her stomach. Her arms felt like they went numb, and she almost knocked over her glass of tea that Mum had made.

All the color, what little of it was left, that is, drained from her as she swallowed the bitter acidic stomach bile in her throat. She knew Lupin meant to leave her behind here, at her parents' house.

" _Without_ me?" she questioned, unsure of what she had heard. "You—you can't bloody be _fucking_ _serious_! Is this a _joke_?"

Lupin flinched. Tonks had gone out of her way throughout their partnership to mind her language whenever she was around him, though considering what he was about to do to her, she was warranted and well within her rights to be angry with him.

Remus dropped his chin remorsefully. He swore his wolfish hearing could almost hear Tonks's heart shattering into pieces. He nodded slowly and sorrowfully. "Why did Alastor and the other Aurors at the Ministry even assign you Black's case, Tonks? It's a conflict of interest. You're his _cousin_ , Tonks…"

"They thought I could handle it despite the risks. That maybe if he could see a familiar face, he might react differently. I _knew_ the risks when I took the job, Lupin. And…you're really going back." It wasn't even a question as it left Tonks's lips. She voiced her suspicion as if she were already certain, which Tonks was.

Lupin twisted his entire body to her, desperate to make Dora understand. "I'm not leaving you here because I don't think you can't handle it, Dora, that's not the point," he corrected. "I—I'm going back to kill Peter Pettigrew and I _don't_ want you seeing it."

" _Bullshit_ , Remus and you know it. Why are you _really_ doing it?" She shook her head, trying to send her partner's words away. "You and I are supposed to be _partners_ , and this is _not_ how this relationship is supposed to _work_." Her eyes questioned him.

It felt as though his words collided against each other as he spoke, hoping she would accept his decision. He was leaving her here, but he would come back for her, but to make her see that.

As he mulled over this in this mind, Lupin realized Tonks hadn't said anything, and that the only thing he could hear under the shade of the tree in her parents' backyard, was the relentless thundering of his own heart in his chest as he struggled to think of something else to say that would put Tonks' mind at ease.

Tonks silently considered Lupin's reasoning. Her heart ached to think of yet another partner leaving her alone, in a similar manner in that Ollie had dumped her all those years ago, then.

Under the shade of a comforting tree and everything. She bristled, grinding her teeth together in anger. How could she watch Remus leave her? Something deep inside of her stung with a horrible hurt and a bitterness that his little plan wasn't going to end as she thought. Yes, he was admittedly right that it was considered a conflict of interest since Sirius was her cousin, but...

But she sensed there was more to Remus's reason than that.

"You won't come back." She announced, shrugging out of Lupin's desperate grasp, scrunching her nose, and suddenly looking disgusted. She recoiled away from him in her anger. "You—you're _ashamed_ of me, somehow. I can sense it, so don't try to—to wriggle your way out of this one, Lupin. Are—are you ashamed that we _did_ it? That I—that I _kissed_ you? Is _that_ it?"

Remus could not bear the dread in Tonks's prediction.

"That's—no, that's not what I'm saying at all! Of course, I'll come back!" Lupin gently took Tonks's elbows and brought the young witch around to face his despairing but hardened gaze. "Nothing's going to stop me. I—if Peter really is the one behind the Potters' murders, he sold James and Lily to Voldemort, Dora. And that makes him a dangerous man. I won't have you in harm's way." He swore to her. "It's just for a day or two. Sirius and I will kill him, and I'll come back for you before you can blink. Plus, even if your case is a conflict of interest, it would put a damper on your career as an Auror, and I won't have your career suffering."

Lupin tried to give her a hopeful smile, though it felt strained, and he knew the look didn't at all reach his eyes.

Tonks eyed him questioningly, as though she didn't believe him. "This is all just an _excuse_ , because of what happened?"

Lupin felt his face fall. Tonks was upset, yes, he had expected that much from her, though there was something else. Something he began to shiver for, and not in a pleasurable way. Tonks was _furious_. Her voice rose in pitch the angrier she became, and of all the things Remus had been expecting from his partner, even how she would react, this…wasn't really it.

"I know that you care for me, Remus, don't even _think_ about lying to me," she snapped, her voice trembling with the onset of her fury. "Why then did we…did we…if you don't _trust_ me?"

Her voice was hoarse as she confronted him, her eyes were fully focused on Remus now, wide, and unblinking, unwavering.

Lupin felt like his mind had gone utterly blank as her tone rose the angrier she became. Of all the things, Lupin had been expecting this wasn't it. He felt like he was unable to process what exactly was happening. He'd understood Dora would be angry for daring to leave her behind at the relative safety of her parents' home, but he'd never known that she'd react like this.

"Tonks, please don't do this, I'm only trying to help you!"

" _Are_ you?!" she shouted. "Why did you kiss me, why are we even _dating_ if you don't trust me enough to talk to Sirius alone?" She had lowered her voice as she backed away from him a couple of steps. Her words were like Dungbombs, exploding.

His ultimate nightmare, what Lupin had been dreading of their partnership right from the very start as she spoke the truth.

"Because…because I _love_ you, and I couldn't hold back anymore," he heard himself saying, though his voice did not sound like his at all. "Because I don't want to see you get hurt."

Lupin didn't dare look at Tonks as he lifted his head and walked towards her slowly, looking at his partner almost in a methodical way, the anger and hurt and betrayal in her eyes almost too much to bear, but Remus just had to make her see it.

"Because I've liked you from the start but what I felt for you then that night on the Hogwarts Express is _nothing_ to what I feel now."

Remus could see Dora give a start at her words. She said nothing but Lupin could tell it wasn't for lack of trying as her lips parted open in shock, though no words came forth. He had more or less shocked her into silence. That wasn't his intention.

"Is _that_ what you want to hear, Tonks?" Lupin demanded, his voice hoarse and rough as he stepped closer toward Tonks. "That I'm not good for you, too old, too poor for you, and far more dangerous than anybody else you could have chosen to be with. That you torment me, and I hate you and love you for it? That I—I _hate_ how _beautiful_ you are because I'm afraid that one day, you won't want to be with me, because of what I _am_? You're my _mate_ , Tonks, whether I like it or not, despite how hard I tried to stay at a distance from you, I—I couldn't help myself, and I _can't_ let you do this," he growled, feeling something ugly begin to rise within himself the angrier he became as he talked. "Wolves like me, we protect our own. I _won't_ let you get hurt. I'm going back alone, without you, Dora, but I promise to come back. I swear it, I _promise_ you," he vowed with earnest.

"That I'm your…" Tonks's voice had lowered an octave, almost to a mere whisper. The anger was thankfully now gone from her eyes, though she sounded dead and flat when she spoke, little more than a dead leaf fluttering on the breeze.

Lupin blinked owlishly at her, realizing how it must have sounded to her, given the turn their conversation had taken.

"Dora, sweetheart, I…" he started to say, lifting his hand to gingerly touch her shoulder though Tonks quickly stepped away.

" _Go_ ," she snarled, refusing to look at him.

Her profile was turned to the side as she ducked underneath the shade of the tree in her parents' backyard for shelter from the hot sun.

"It's clear to me that you don't understand, Remus, and I don't know if you ever will. I'm more than capable of handling myself. I don't think you need me to tell you that, but you don't trust me. I can see it now. You don't respect me. Not really, Lupin. I...I can't have a partner that won't abide by their own, Lupin. _Leave_."

Lupin flinched as her voice was cold. Tonks could barely stomach to look at Remus as her posture stiffened and she folded her arms across her chest. The finality in her voice was chilling, rendering his blood to ice in his veins as it froze over.

Neither one of them were barely aware of Ted and Andromeda awkwardly coming to stand on their back porch, hating what Remus was doing to their daughter, but the pair of loving parents could see how much the man cared for her, and that, they supposed in the end, was good enough for them both.

Lupin was far too preoccupied on Tonks to take notice of anything else. He looked into Tonks's eyes as he moved to stand in front of her. He could see the fear and pain and anger that plagued her mind.

It shattered his heart into an untold number of fragments. He wanted her to be assured that this temporary absence from her was not going to be permanent, that he wanted to apprehend Sirius alone, but he didn't know how to.

Instead, Lupin resigned himself to lean in towards her jaw, just below her ear. In all the time they'd spent together, Remus hadn't realized it was now one of his favorite spots to kiss her.

Maybe he had a thing for her cute little ears, he didn't know.

Tonks, for her part, could barely stomach to look Lupin in the eyes. This was like what Ollie had done to her all over again.

Only with Remus, it felt a hundred times worse.

As he moved in to kiss her, Tonks felt a surge of anger course through her veins and take hold of her once more, threatening to consume her wholly. She did not want to gift him with her affection for essentially betraying her trust, and all her partnership stood for.

It could have been that Tonks couldn't bear to think that this would be the last time she would feel his lips pressed against hers. Whatever her reason was for denying Remus this pleasure, she drew back and turned away from her partner, not granting him the opportunity of touching her. He did not have the right.

Standing underneath the tree as tall and as proud as the young pink-haired Auror could muster, Tonks turned her back on Remus and walked purposefully towards her parents' back porch, where they stood on the topmost step, waiting for her.

Tonks would be Merlin and goddamned if she were going to stand underneath another fucking _tree_ and beg _another_ boyfriend not to go. Remus had made his bloody choice, and it wasn't _her_.

Lupin felt his heart sink to the pit of his churning stomach as Tonks refused his kiss and had walked away from him. He stood, wanting the ground beneath his shoes to open up beneath him and swallow him whole, watching the one woman who he loved more than his own miserable and wretched life walk away from him.

He wondered briefly if this was how she'd felt when her ex had dumped her, and now he was walking away from her.

Lupin knew he deserved every bit of Dora's mistrust and anger and hurt. He knew that. Remus swore to himself that he would stop at nothing to restore Tonks's faith and trust in him.

That she could _trust_ him. That he was _not_ leaving her. "Take care of her. I promise to come back," Lupin begged Ted and Andromeda Tonks as he watched Tonks slam the door to her parents' house and didn't so much as bother to look back once.

Ted Tonks looked up at Professor Lupin in alarm, a worried and serious frown furrowing his eyebrows together and creating a deep groove at the edges of his mouth, making the half-blood wizard look older than he really was. It was the first time he'd heard his daughter's new boyfriend allude to any sort of fear.

"We will, son, we promise. We'll expect you to keep your word to our Dora. You come back, and make it _fast_ , do you hear me?"

Lupin nodded, silently trying to convey his thanks with his eyes and feeling he was doing an adequately piss poor job of it.

He turned away, fixing his gaze on the woodland path ahead of him. He clenched his jaws together and fought against the lump forming in his throat as he swallowed down past it. The memory of the kiss that Dora did not give him would haunt him.

He let out a haggard breath and carded his fingers through his hair, stifling a low agonized growl to himself as he did what was perhaps the hardest thing in his adult life as he stalked away from Dora's parents' property and Disapparated on his heels to go once he was within a relatively safe distance from their home. Lupin was smart enough not to look back.

He knew what he had to do.


	38. A Friend's Advice

**38**

**TONKS** wasn't sure she could handle another partner abandonment but that's exactly what was happening to her. She stiffened at the sound of a knock that came on her door the following late afternoon as the sun had started to set. The same day, as it so happened, that she was supposed to meet Sirius alone in the Forbidden Forest.

Tonks barely turned her head as Norah poked her head in through the door, a mixture of concern and worry etched on her features.

"Tonks?" Norah questioned in a guarded manner. Tonks could barely stomach to look her best friend in the eye as she drew in a cautious and apprehensive breath and turned from her perch on the edge of her bed's mattress to look at her friend, though even now she had trouble meeting Norah Jameson's gaze. She knew why the werewolf had come.

Norah was supposed to have tagged along with her to the Forest to meet Sirius with her (in private, of course, without Black's knowledge!) just in case. She could only surmise her best mate had gotten suspicious when Tonks failed to show.

Tonks lifted her gaze to see Norah now awkwardly having moved over the threshold of her door and had closed it behind her, her back leaning against the wood. The blonde witch and werewolf was nervously toying with her wedding ring.

She looked like total shit and peaky, about to collapse where she stood, but then Tonks remember with a chill in her veins.

 _The full moon is tonight_ , Tonks thought, suddenly feeling guilty that Lupin was alone through this particular cycle, but then Tonks felt something ugly rise within herself as she thought of how Lupin had more or less left her alone.

"What is it?" she asked wearily, feeling like she already knew what her friend was going to ask if the nervous look that was dawning in her friend's pale blue eyes was any indication.

She was surely going to ask Tonks why she'd not shown up at their designated meeting spot at the time they'd agreed on, and then Tonks was going to have to explain herself, and she wasn't sure that she was quite ready to talk about it.

The wound was still too raw, but Tonks flinched the moment she heard Norah Jameson open her mouth.

"You didn't show up, which was a total shame, because I had the Giant Squid all ready to grab you if you rabbited off and chickened out on me," was all Norah said in a sarcastic-sounding hoarse voice. She paused awkwardly for a moment to clear her throat before continuing forward, sounding to Tonks like she really didn't want to press the younger witch for more details, and yet found it imperative that she got to the heart of the matter. She hesitated, feeling so unsure of herself. "Has something…happened? Where's Lupin?" she asked, glancing around the room as though half expecting the older werewolf to Apparate beside Tonks.

Tonks halted before drawing in a deep breath. "Gone," was all she answered, folding her arms across her chest, and turning away, becoming silent and pensive and staring down at her feet, clad in a pair of pink fuzzy socks, feeling her toes curl in frustration as just the memory of Lupin leaving her alone under the tree yesterday afternoon gave her a horrible sense of déjà vu.

She felt as though she'd spent all of last night following Remus leaving and most of today in a hazy daze, while her thoughts were filled with nothing but dread and terror for whatever awaited Remus when the man and hopefully Sirius confronted Peter Pettigrew.

Her mind told her that she would be lucky to see Lupin again, while her heart held onto the hope that she would. As Tonks looked at Norah, the audible gasp of surprise she heard her friend gave off at seeing how drawn and tired her face was said it all to poor Tonks.

"He left _without_ me, Norah. Remus did," Tonks quickly explained upon seeing her best mate's look of confusion as Norah cautiously approached and sat on the edge of Tonks's mattress alongside her, looking nervous. She looked towards Norah, not surprised to see a look of sympathy, and understanding flit across her friend's face. "I take it you're aware of what Sirius plans to do?"

Norah nodded slowly. "Yes," she answered bitterly. "You have to believe me, Tonks," she said almost angrily. "I wish that I could be alongside Black to _see_ it. I—I've met with him a couple of times. Talked to him whenever Ollie would escort new prisoners to Azkaban," Norah confessed, a light pink blush of shame speckling along with her features at the look of shock on Tonks's paling face. "I never believed Black committed those murders or sold the Potters to Voldemort," she spat with no small measure of disgust as she crinkled her nose in revulsion. "I would be with Black alongside him if I could. Peter _murdered_ my _sister_ that day. What I would give to send the final Killing Curse straight to the stupid rat's _heart_. I'll celebrate if Lupin and Black manage to kill Peter."

Tonks felt her blood turn to ice in her veins as her mind slowly processed her best friend's words. She wanted Pettigrew dead as much as Remus did for the amount of pain he had caused to her partner and now her cousin if she was to believe the contents of his letter.

She understood that such a monstrous betrayal like one that Pettigrew had committed was not going to be an easy thing for Remus and Sirius to get past so easily now.

It was difficult for Tonks, and Norah too, besides, she could see it in her friend's eyes, to imagine anyone betraying Remus and Sirius in such a despicable way. Norah read her friend's worried expression as Tonks's gaze looked out towards the window at the sun slowly starting to make its way past the horizon.

"Don't worry," Norah chirped up, her tone jovial but obviously strained as she tried to alleviate the worst of Tonks's concerns. "Don't worry about Remus. He's going to come back. Don't let your faith in Lupin quit so soon and leave you," Norah pleaded, desperate to make her friend see the light. "He loves you, Dora. He always _has_ , I think," she said, though she flinched as Tonks's head turned slowly to regard her words and she fixed Norah with a look.

"But if he _loved_ me then why did he _leave_?" Tonks choked out, despite her best efforts to remain calm, her tears beginning to pour from her lids down her cheeks.

Norah nodded slowly in understanding. "He shouldn't have left you, he was wrong to leave you so coldly like that, Tonks," she agreed, as she gave a nod of her head, but then her expression turned pensive and thoughtful as she looked out the window at the slowly setting sun. "But Mr. Lupin left to _protect_ you, Tonks. It's…" she hesitated, biting down on her bottom lip in a slight pout. "It's kind of a—a _werewolf_ thing, I—I wouldn't expect you to understand it, but he cares for you. We're very protective of our mates, you know, and we'll do anything for them once we make them ours. Even _killing_ ," she stammered, a light pink blush speckling along her cheeks as Norah glanced down at her hands, fidgeting with her wedding band before resting her hand on her stomach.

Tonks noticed and despite the abject misery she felt at Lupin leaving her behind to deal with Sirius on his own, she couldn't help the small smile that snaked its way onto her lips. "Have you thought of a name yet, Norah?"

Norah shook her head, reaching up to tuck a wisp of white-blonde hair back behind her ear where it belonged. "No. Ollie likes Jackson, call him Jax for short if it's a boy, and if it's a girl, I think we're thinking either Helen or Sophie, maybe. I really don't know though, I guess we'll wait and see," she murmured, a faraway glint in her blue eyes before she realized what she was doing to herself and blinked her lids a couple of times rapidly to pull herself out of her musings of her and Ollie's baby in another seven months that would be brought into this world and back towards the reality of her situation: helping Tonks get over Lupin, which was why she had come.

Her parents had said she had refused to speak to them at all since Lupin's abandonment of her last night.

"B—but aren't you nervous at all if your baby is born…well…like _you_?" Tonks whispered, hesitation etched throughout her features. Norah could tell she wasn't sure if she'd overstepped an invisible boundary of their close-knit friendship just now by asking this of the werewolf, but Norah knew her friend was just curious.

A tiny, mischievous, and teasing smile tugged the corners of Norah's thin mouth upwards into a knowing little smile.

"I don't think that will happen, Tonks." Norah shook her head in disagreement, still toying with her ring. "To…to become like me or Remus, I think our condition can only be passed down by being bitten. I don't think it's hereditary, but if on the off-chance that it is born with a few, ah, well, wolfish characteristics, then it will have a mother who knows how to deal with them and will be able to help him or her through the worst of them, and a father who will love it unconditionally, no matter what. Ollie _loves_ me, Tonks, just as Lupin loves you. You'd have to be blind as a bat not to see that he cares. The desire to keep you safe is stronger now that you two are a couple, not just as partners, Tonks. _Trust_ me." Norah hoped and prayed that her declaration would be enough to ease her friend's troubled mind. "Lupin's not going to let anything, _especially_ not Pettigrew, stand in the way of coming back to you. You have to _trust_ him."

Tonks nodded as she processed her best mate's words.

Her guilt ravaged her at the thought of the way she had left things between them, but she had been so bloody furious with Lupin for betraying her that she'd not been able to think rationally. Even now, her anger sweeping through her bloodstream threatened to get the better of her emotions and take total control, turning into this angry, bitter witch that Tonks did not recognize at all.

Tonks wished she possessed a Time-Turner. Briefly, she wondered if Hermione would let her borrow hers, that she could turn back the clock and take that moment underneath the tree in her parents' backyard back. Take it all back. She quickly realized with a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach that perhaps Remus's fondness and desire were the same as it had been when he'd left.

Norah let out a tired sigh as she glanced sideways out of the corner of her eyes and took one look at the remorseful look on Tonks's face and felt her heartstrings give a painful little lurch. She wanted to reassure her friend that everything was going to work out, in the end.

"It's different with you, I think," Norah muttered, reaching up a hand to scratch at an itch behind her ear. "You've given Lupin something that he never thought he could have. Trust me, Dora, I—I speak from experience," she mumbled, lowering her voice an octave as a light pink blush speckled along her cheeks.

She did not want to bring up her husband in front of Tonks if she could help it, but she also wanted to reiterate her point to her best friend that werewolves in their society were not treated to feel accepted by otherwise normal wizards and witches.

"You've given Remus love, caring, compassion, selflessness. Strength. Thanks to you, he knows the love of a good woman, and maybe one day, if things work out between the two of you, you'll have your own family."

Norah smiled, though inwardly she was hit with a sudden pang of worry. Ollie was to be one of three Aurors alongside Kingsley Shacklebolt and Mad-Eye Moody meant to escort Sirius back to the Ministry of Magic pending an investigation and a formal hearing.

She could only pray that Sirius was found innocent and that Minister Fudge would listen to the man's claims and accept his memories into their Pensieve.

It was the only way. Norah returned her attention to Tonks and felt her face fall, crestfallen, at the look of hurt and anger on Tonks's face. Her jaw was cut like steel, and her lips pursed into a thin, unrigid, unmoved line.

"What we had, Norah, I can see how it means nothing to him. The _truth_ is, that he would have rather left me alone than let me go with and handle this the way we had promised. As _partners_ ," Tonks asserted angrily, the pain in her voice too much to hide from her friend, as her grey eyes clouded with tears that she fought to blink back.

Tonks caught her breath, fighting back the sobs that threatened to stick in her throat at Lupin's betrayal.

But even now, she knew that Norah was right. Her walls were crumbling, and the blonde witch and werewolf could see it. Norah hesitated only for a fraction of a second before pressing onward. "Remus _loves_ you, Dora." She smiled, hoping that it looked genuine enough. "Please don't do anything rash and _stupid_. It's rare for wolves like us to find true love like what I and Ollie have. Like what you and Remus have," Norah continued, reaching out with her hand, and giving Tonks's hand, which had been resting anxiously in her lap while she stared down at her socks, a light but reassuring squeeze. "Just give him some time. He'll come back to you, Dora."

Tonks paused, silent for a moment while her thoughts struggled to catch up as she searched for the right words, letting Norah's words wash over her like water falling over rocks. Reluctantly, and perhaps against her better judgment, even now, she felt her heart fill to the brim with love for Remus John Lupin, despite what he'd done, that she thought it might burst.

She let out a tired sigh as she pinched at the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger, thinking that she was more or less forgiving Remus for what he had done, though she was still incredibly angry with him and would have a discussion with the wizard when he returned in a few days.

"Fine, Jameson, you bloody win, goddamn it," she sighed, though as she felt her shoulders slump forward in defeat, Tonks felt almost relieved that Norah had come and had talked her down from the worst of her fury. "I'll stay here," she conceded, relenting.

Though she didn't like it, she knew it was probably for the best.

Confronting Pettigrew seemed to be something that Lupin and Black needed to do on their own, and she would most likely only succeed in getting in their way if she were to go back to Hogwarts alongside Norah. She looked towards her friend.

"Did you take your Wolfsbane?" Tonks questioned, relieved, and exhaled a relieved breath through her nose when Norah nodded. This time, Tonks didn't bother to tamper down the soft smile that flitted its way across her features as Norah quirked a quizzical brow the young Auror's way. "Then, as long as you're safe…stay with me tonight?" Tonks questioned, biting down on her bottom lip. "I…I don't want to be alone. I promise I'll look after you."

Norah hesitated, her smile faltering only slightly as she felt her hands come to rest on her barely noticeable baby bump of only about two months in, but upon seeing the look of hope brimming in Nymphadora Tonks's ashen, tear-streaked face, she felt something within her chest shift and give way to her.

She nodded, pleased at the look of almost excitement on Tonks's face. Norah let out a chuckle and strode towards Tonks's bedroom window and flung it wide open.

"Fine, fine, I'll stay. I just need to send a Patronus to Ollie to let him know I'm staying here tonight and won't be home till morning." Norah shook her head to herself in amusement, though inwardly, she too was secretly pleased that Tonks had asked her to stay the night.

It was just like old times when they were students together back at Hogwarts, or when Norah would come over to Tonks's house and stay for a few weeks, not wanting to go home to her abusive family's household.

An elaborate Pegasus horse, Norah's Patronus, erupted from the tip of her wand and sailed off into the night sky, its message intended for her husband at Hogwarts, who no doubt was lying in wait alongside Moody and Shacklebolt to apprehend Sirius at their first opportunity. As Norah crossed back over to make her way towards the bed where Tonks was sitting, she shot her friend a reassuring smile, trying to silently convey that she wasn't going anywhere, that she'd promised to stay.

Tonks returned Norah's smile, trying to convey a look of gratitude with just her eyes. She was aware she looked shocked but less so than Norah had expected her to be. The young blonde shot the pink-haired witch her age a look that said she'd never needed to thank her.

The two stayed up all throughout the night, as best friends, watching one of their favorite old horror movies that her Muggle-born dad had introduced her to over a bowl of popcorn, _An American Werewolf in London_ , with Norah offering a running commentary dryly on all the aspects of lycanthropy the classic movie got wrong.

And when Norah transformed in her wolf-form when the full moon peeked its way from behind the cloud, curled up on Tonks's lap, safe, as she'd taken the Wolfsbane, Tonks was unaware that while Norah was nestled safely in the security of Tonks's own childhood bedroom with Tonks by her side, Lupin was going through an unimaginable hell of his own, with Sirius by his.


	39. Seriously, Sirius

**39**

**LUPIN** had thought this was hell. His transformations were always painful, even with the Wolfsbane Potion, but then again, three nights had been especially brutal as he'd forgotten to take his Wolfsbane Potion.

He supposed he should count himself lucky he'd not bitten a student or teacher. He had, alongside Sirius, not to mention Harry, Hermione, Ron, and even Severus, confronted Peter Pettigrew over what the rat had done.

The details of the confrontation that ensued were still fresh in his mind as he lay…somewhere in the Forbidden Forest, covered only by Severus Snape's thick black woolen cloak, but how it had gotten here, and no sign of Hogwarts' Potions Master remained a mystery to him. All at once, the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor was brutally aware of the searing pain that tormented his body.

It was almost more than Remus could possibly bear. His muscles writhed in pain and agony, but his still-healing bones that always took a beating whenever he transformed as they literally broke and then re-shifted back into place when he reverted to his human form always ached and hurt like hell for upwards of a week after.

But then just as quickly as it had come, he succumbed to nothingness. A void in which Remus wished for nothing more than to cease living. Maybe this was what the seven layers of Hell felt like.

He didn't know, but Lupin knew he deserved an eternity of such hellish torture for what he'd done to Dora. He could abide whatever this was that was happening to him better than he could the remorse that Remus had felt when he'd told Tonks she couldn't come back to Hogwarts without him.

Suddenly, from out of nowhere, a horrible blinding white light, surely the result of someone thrusting the lighted tip of their wand into his face, burned itself into his retinas behind his closed lids.

Whoever was doing it was surely cruel. The light was dim, little more than a flickering of a candle flame, and yet at the same time, agonizing.

It very nearly succeeded in blinding Remus.

He tested his body, though every feeble twitch sent white-hot explosions of pain through his broken and battered body. Lupin shuddered to think what hellish torment awaited him when he got back up to the castle, but Lupin _swore_ he heard Sirius's voice.

" _That's it, Moony, mate, come back to us_ ," cried Sirius's voice from somewhere that he couldn't see.

Lupin swallowed as he heard Sirius speak again. That meant that…he'd not been arrested. The Aurors hadn't taken him, but…what the bloody hell had happened to him? That meant he was alive, the Dementors hadn't gotten to him.

And then…the memories suddenly flooded back into his stream of awareness, clear behind his closed eyes as though he were witnessing them from the Pensieve in Dumbledore's office. He'd been standing with Dora underneath the tree in her parents' backyard just yesterday late afternoon after talking with Ted.

The pain and terror at the thought of Peter hurting Lupin had taken over his mind until he was turning away from the witch who he desperately loved more than his own miserable, wretched life. He'd fought every step of the way as he'd walked towards the edge of the Tonks' property line in their backyard not to turn around on his heels and whisk Dora in his arms and not back to Hogwarts.

He could still see her face, her tears falling down her cheeks uncontrollably, her eyebrows creased together in worry and concern over what Pettigrew would do to her. She'd wanted him to stay. She'd begged him not to go.

And Remus had left Tonks. What had he _done_? Exhausted, Lupin couldn't manage to summon the strength to fight anymore. If he was alive, he didn't want to be, not like this. He'd not believed in the greatest thing ever to have happened to him, he'd given up the one witch and woman who he'd ever dared to fall in love with and had reciprocated his feelings in return. Oh, _Merlin_!

Lupin let himself go, relaxing into the void as he closed his eyes. He prayed he would just die here. He wanted no more of this, and all he wanted now was to spend eternity with the memory left of the young witch who he had so cruelly abandoned in the same manner her ex-boyfriend had broken up with her when learning she was pregnant with his babe at the time.

And now, he'd almost gone and done the same thing. Lupin knew he'd be lucky if Tonks forgave him, which he highly doubted she would. She'd never look at him with the same sparkling tenderness and kindness and love she had. This thought was more than he could bear. Unbeknownst to him as he fluttered in and out of a state of semi-consciousness, a stretcher was conjured out of midair and hovered in the air while Lupin was escorted back up to the castle on it with the aid of Sirius Black and Professor Dumbledore.

As the group walked, Lupin, unaware that Sirius was right by his side every step, whispered the only word that bloody meant anything to him anymore.

"Tonks…" he whispered and then fell into sleep. The emotional torment of how he'd hurt his partner worse than anything he could have ever imagined was far worse than any one of his transformations.

Lupin hated himself. He'd been a blind and bloody fool to let Tonks go. He had to get her back.

Somehow…some way, he'd win her back…

* * *

"Moony, you arse! I _don't_ understand," were quite literally Sirius Black's first words to Lupin the moment Remus regained consciousness three days later and woke up in the Hospital Wing of Hogwarts. Sirius was seated to Lupin's left by his bedside in a corner of the Hospital Wing with the curtains drawn to give the pair of friends needed privacy.

Sirius was looking more than a little agitated, leaning back against his wooden chair in a casual, relaxed manner, his arms folded across his slender, tattooed chest, his lips pursed into a thin line. His skin was pulled taut and waxy across his browbone, and his best mate was looking haggard.

"You wanna explain to me if you love my baby cousin enough to shag her," Here, he let out a low growl as a light pink blush speckled along Lupin's cheeks that the escaped convict of Azkaban pointedly ignored, wanting to get his point across, "then why did you leave her?" he snarled angrily.

Lupin, whether or not Sirius knew it, had been asking himself that question the moment his ability to think coherently had come back to him. The choice a few nights ago had seemed obvious to him at the time, but now the feeling of dread that he'd made the wrong choice permeated his mind like the black plague and it haunted him.

There had been such an urgency to his decision at the time: to save Tonks from Pettigrew. Now, as he lay motionless and aching like hell in the Hospital Wing, shooting a furtive, guilty look towards Padfoot, he wished there'd been another way.

"Sirius," Lupin began wearily, his hoarse voice barely able to speak past a dry wheeze, even after he sat upright against the mountain of pillows Pomfrey piled behind him and gave him a glass of ice water. "You _know_ why," he managed to gasp out, wiping at his mouth with the back of his sleeve when he'd finished his drink. "I—I had to protect Tonks from…from…" he trailed off.

Sirius made an odd little strangled noise at the back of his throat and rolled his eyes as he scoffed. "From _me_?" he challenged hotly, his tone somewhat defensive and sounding rather offended. Lupin cringed at the clipped and curt tone in Padfoot's hoarse voice that sounded grating, like sandpaper, though he'd sounded the same a few nights ago.

Though before he could part open his cracked and slightly bleeding lips to emphasize that no, he had meant to bring up Peter, Sirius spoke.

"I don't blame you, Moony. I haven't…I know I haven't made it _easy_ for you to trust me," he began, his voice gruff yet tangible at the same time. "I couldn't exactly tell you the truth." He paused and held up something in front of Lupin's eyes with his thumb and forefinger. IT took Lupin a moment of squinting to see what it was. He froze and drew in a sharp breath that sent an explosion of pain through his mended ribcage. He'd cracked and broken two of them during his transformation.

"Is that…?" Remus breathed, his face going pale as he carefully studied the single strand of familiar-looking red hair that belonged to Arym.

"The goblin's hair, you nailed it, Moony," Sirius sighed before letting the single strand of hair drop to the Hospital Wing floor, though not before shooting it a look of disgust as he crinkled his nose. "I'm sorry I had to trick you and Nymphadora, Moony, but I knew you wouldn't _listen_ to me like… _this_." He paused and gestured to himself in his worn and dirtied, tattered set of prison robes. "But you never answered my question. Why did you come back without Tonks, Moony?" Sirius barked.

"Peter would have killed her or hurt her," Lupin said, lowering his eyes and giving a slight nod. "He would have tortured her, used her as a shield to escape, I'm sure of it." His voice cracked at the thought. Peter, thank Merlin, had been subjected to the Dementor's Kiss at the insistence of Cornelius Fudge once the evidence was proven to be verified with Sirius's extracted memories of both his confrontation in London on that day and of Peter confessing that he'd sold the Potters to Voldemort.

"And…" Sirius hesitated, seeming to search for the right words. "Did you tell _any_ of this to Tonks? My baby cousin is an Auror, Moony. She's strong, Remus. She can bloody well take care of herself. Surely, she would have understood you."

"No," Lupin said at last, utterly humiliated, not wanting to look into Sirius's eyes and see the disappointment and anger within but couldn't bring himself to look away either. "I—I couldn't. I was ashamed," he murmured, looking at his hands.

Sirius shot him an incredulous look of disbelief. "So, Tonks thinks you just left her _alone_?" he growled, staring at Remus accusingly. Even _he_ would have been more tactful at making his exit.

"That—that wasn't the plan, I—I didn't mean to," Lupin shot back, his temper swelling in his chest. "I—I have every intention of getting her back. I—I want to fix everything, but I…I don't…know…"

"Don't know _how_?" Sirius snorted, finding it difficult not to roll his eyes a bit as Remus blushed and nodded, confirming his best mate's suspicions.

"You could say that," Lupin grumbled. "I just wish…that we would have gotten to kill him," he growled, feeling a sudden shift within himself as he felt something dark and ugly within his chest surface. While grateful that Pettigrew had received the Dementor's Kiss for what he had done, there was a small part of him still felt chafed that he and Sirius hadn't gotten to take care of it, but… "I couldn't do it," he blurted out, unsure where this was coming from. "I couldn't kill Peter, Sirius."

Sirius was quiet for a moment, letting the depths of Lupin's words sink in. He knew Remus was right, and deep down, as much as he was loathed to admit it, there was a part of him agreed. "But you didn't kill him when given the chance. Why _didn't_ you?" he asked, speaking softly.

Lupin paused for a moment to consider his words, wondering the same thing as he evidently found his words, and began to speak slowly, recalling every lucid detail that came back to him. "When I saw him there in the Shrieking Shack, he looked so terrified and desperate of what we would do to him, that I couldn't do it. Harry was _right_ , Sirius. I don't think James would have wanted the two of us to kill him, and Peter's dead anyway now, so it wasn't by our hands, Sirius, but when I saw him, he was that boy that we all hung out with when we were twelve years old like we were kids again back at Hogwarts. I don't know why I couldn't kill him. I wanted to, but all I could think about was Tonks," Remus confessed, his tone soft and ashamed.

Sirius was quiet for a moment, thinking over his best mate's words. "Maybe my baby cousin's had a softening influence on you, Moony, which was why you couldn't bring yourself to do it," he murmured in a thoughtful voice as he stroked the stubble along his jawline.

"Maybe." Lupin allowed a faint smile to ghost along with his cracked and peaky features, thinking of how Tonks's love had changed so much about him and the way he viewed himself for the better. "I—I didn't mean to make her so _mad_ at me, but I'd do it all over again…for Dora, if it means keeping her safe, Sirius. I didn't want her to get hurt."

Sirius nodded in understanding. "Well. I'll do what I can to ensure my cousin doesn't stay mad at you, get you back in the arms of the witch you love the most," Sirius solemnly swore, happy that his best mate had found love with a good woman, his own cousin or not be damned. "She'll probably be right bloody angry, if I know my little cousin, Remus, but I think that my cousin will come round."

Lupin's face grew pained, not wanting to dwell on the unpleasant visual image of Tonks's tear-stricken face as he had left her much in the same manner as her ex had and gave his head a curt shake to try to make the memory leave.

"I hope you're right, Sirius," Remus lamented, a sullen look overcoming his features as he looked at Sirius. "I—I need to get to Ted and Andromeda's," he groaned, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to lift himself off the cot, though was met with a surprising force from Sirius who gently shoved him back against the hospital bed, an unusually stern, admonishing expression on his waxy face.

" _Sit_ ," Sirius barked gruffly. "You'll do no good to my cousin if you're lying dead in a ditch somewhere, your body taxed to the point of exhaustion," he chastised, leaning back in his chair, and folding his arms across his chest. "You need to let yourself _heal_ , Moony. And don't even think about trying to sneak off without me. You've had plenty of chances with my baby cousin. I want to meet her," he growled, though Lupin swore his gaze softened slightly as he saw how much his friend was suffering. "Now go the hell to _sleep_."

Lupin shot him a withering look, though fatigue and exhaustion were quickly overcoming him against his almost desperate will to head to Tonks and beg her forgiveness as he collapsed his head back against his pillow the moment his eyes grew heavy.

He quickly came to the realization that Sirius was right. Lupin had to be able to walk again, through the depths of Hell itself and back if that's what Dora Tonks needed of him in order to make amends to her.

He knew that was exactly what he'd do to win her back.


	40. Start of Something New

**40**

It had taken Lupin the better part of three days before he was ready to even _think_ about Disapparating alongside Sirius to Ted and Andromeda Tonks's cottage, and even that felt like a slow process so as to not to aggravate his injuries as his bones were still shifting and putting themselves together. He looked like shit.

His face was pale and peaky, even more so than usual. Dark purple and black bags clung to the skin underneath both his eyes, suggesting to anyone who dared look upon the werewolf the man had not slept.

And he hadn't. He'd spent the last three nights laying in agony, both physical pain and mental anguish at wondering what Dora would say to him when he apologized to her if Tonks would even take him back.

Lupin's grey woolen sweater was slightly too big for him, clinging to him in some parts of his body and hanging off him in others. Same for his black trousers which his belt he wore barely held them up, as his wrecked, thin frame was looking emaciated and bony from not having been able to keep food down.

He could not afford to lose any more time.

Sirius had begged him to wait, but Remus was adamant about not. He set out for Professor Dumbledore's office as soon as he was able to support his own weight again, though with the assistance of a cane to walk, and Sirius hanging on tightly to his other arm as Padfoot escorted him up to the Headmaster's office to speak with Albus.

Professor Dumbledore's back was turned, staring out the window, hands clasped neatly behind his back and he sensed the pair of wizards before they'd even stepped over the threshold of the front entryway.

"I am terribly sorry things have come to this, Remus," Professor Dumbledore said regretfully, turning at the waist to regard Lupin and Black, both of whom were standing in the doorway.

They did not sit.

"Are you sure there is no way I can convince you to change your mind?" Professor Dumbledore questioned, looking pained as he studied the haggard-looking thirty-three-year-old werewolf over the rims of his silver half-moon spectacles.

He was, of course, referring to Lupin's intention to resign his post as Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor after Snape let it 'slip' to the other students of Slytherin House that Remus was a wolf.

Lupin shook his head as he used his cane to lean heavily towards the left, favoring his left side for the moment.

"I am sorry, Albus, but my mind is made up," he said, also sounding remorseful, down casting his gaze. "It would be uncouth and unacceptable for me to continue teaching here, as much as I would like to."

Albus frowned, seemingly not convinced by the man's answer. His greying brows knitted together as his lips pursed into a thin line as he folded his hands.

"Severus—" he started to say, though Remus quickly interjected and did not let Dumbledore finish.

"Has already done enough on my behalf. Were I to continue to work alongside the man there would only be tension and discourse among your staff, Albus, and I cannot impose that upon you or your students, sir." Lupin shook his head vehemently. "I'm leaving."

Professor Dumbledore heaved a tired-sounding sigh, pinching the bridge of his slender, hooked nose slightly before lowering his arm to his side as he turned to look at Remus. "You have served Hogwarts well, Professor Lupin," he continued speaking in a somber tone. "The kids will miss you, and for that, I will be eternally grateful, Remus." His words touched Lupin.

Remus lowered his head in reverence upon hearing Albus's praise. Sirius stiffened as Dumbledore came closer. Dumbledore looked towards Sirius then.

"Where will you go? What will you do?" he questioned, hoping his subtle hint would be taken as Dumbledore's twinkling blue eyes took in the emaciated sight of Sirius Black, obviously not liking how thin and tired the newly-pardoned convict was looking at all.

"Somewhere warm to get some of my strength and health back," Sirius answered in a raspy-sounding voice that was hoarse, like sandpaper grating against the wood. He shrugged his shoulders and looked towards Lupin. "At least for a little while. And then I intend to return to my parents' home in London. But first, Moony here has a _girl_ problem he needs to solve."

Dumbledore nodded in understand. "Of course. Well." He turned his piercing blue eyes towards Remus. "Until you and I meet again, Professor Lupin, your carriage is waiting at the front gates to escort you off the school's premises, unless of course, you are to change your mind, Professor," Dumbledore said solemnly, holding out his right hand for Remus to take.

"Thank you, Headmaster," Lupin said quickly. Sirius startled a bit at his words as Remus hobbled his way towards the door, having to walk at a snail's pace with his cane. He got the impression that Moony wanted to leave as quickly as possible.

He'd already said goodbye to Harry and the others earlier in the Hospital Wing, with the promise he would meet them again one day, and Sirius promised to write to Harry every week.

He had even run into Lucius Malfoy's boy, and though the blonde-haired whelp had shot him a truly venomous look, something Draco had said on Lupin's way towards Professor Dumbledore's office had resonated within Remus and had stuck in his mind like a Permanent Sticking Charm.

_Tonks is my cousin, Professor_ , Draco had spat, scrunching his nose in disgust as he took in the shabby appearance of his soon-to-be-former Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. _Though my side and her side don't get along, she's been…nice to me, I guess,_ he'd said, shrugging his shoulders _. I don't want to see Tonks get hurt. You should apologize and do whatever you can to fix this. it doesn't matter if you date her or not since you got the sack, I don't have to see you and my dad wants nothing to do with that side of the family, so date my cousin if you want then._

He'd said nothing else to the stunned teacher, leaving on his heels to head to the Slytherin Common Room, and as a result, had left both Sirius and Remus at an utter loss for words. As the pair of wizards quickly made their way out of Dumbledore's office, they didn't look back.

Sirius and Lupin didn't speak much as the carriage took them away from Hogwarts' grounds and it seemed at least an hour or two before the carriage came to a screeching halt outside a thick, dense forest.

Lupin quickly thanked the driver, and with Sirius's help, headed towards the edge of the woods with the intent to Disapparate onto the Tonks' property. He had wished for this very moment since leaving Tonks alone in her parents' backyard under that tree and regretted the choice he made very much.

Part of him thrilled at the thought of reaching their destination, but the rest of him dreaded what he might find the moment his foot touched down on the soil. Whatever reception he was to get from Dora, Lupin couldn't even dare to guess, nor did he want to.

The crisp air on this particularly overcast and chilly afternoon blew the dark cloak Lupin wore over his sweater around him, making him seem a shadow.

_Fitting_ , the man thought bitterly to himself. He was sure he looked like a specter with how ill he looked.

He inhaled the fresh air around him, trying to calm his racing heart. He jumped a bit as Sirius spoke.

"You'll be alright, Moony," Sirius tried to reassure Lupin, giving him a light pat on the back. "I'll come with you as far as you want me to, then hang back. My baby cousin cares for you, we all know that." He paused and scoffed a bit and rolled his eyes. "But you might have to _duck_ first before she forgives you."

Lupin let out a strangled little laugh though it did not mask the worry in his voice. He mumbled the same prayer under his breath to Merlin or his mother Hope, Merlin blesses her soul if she were listening to him, that Tonks would accept his apology and take him back. He tried to walk up to the doorstep of Ted and Andromeda Tonks's home confident, with an upturned jaw and tall posture, though it was an effort and painful, but it gave off every indication that he was well enough.

He wanted nothing more than to be the wizard and the man that Nymphadora Tonks had fallen in love with, though if he were being honest with himself, Remus felt anything but. Perhaps if she were peeking out the window, Tonks would think him gallant.

But the way he could only focus on his pulse pounding in his eardrums, the dryness in his mouth causing his tongue to feel like heavy clay in his mouth, and of course, the uncertainty the weighed his heart down made him feel more like a beaten, battered bastard come to beg the young witch for his very life and soul: _her_.

Who the bloody hell was he trying to fool? Dora would see through his posturing quicker than he could blink or his throbbing, quivering heart could pound in his chest. He steeled himself for Tonks's pained anger at best, and her cold indifference and staunch refusal to see him and speak with him at the worst. He swallowed.

Lupin had barely raised his knuckles to knock when the front door of Ted and Andromeda's cottage flung wide open, and the person on the other side of the door was admittedly not who Remus was expecting to see.

Instead of Ted or Andromeda, though he could hear the older couple bustling around in their kitchen, he was met face-to-face with none other than Dora's ex. He had been hoping it would have been Tonks.

" _You_ ," he breathed, feeling a surge of anger well in his veins. He felt Sirius give a nudge beside him, jostling his shoulder and trying to silently warn Moony not to start any trouble, though the wolf within his mind growled its displeasure and restlessly paced back and forth as he looked into the burning bright blue eyes of Ollie Brennan.

The younger, more handsome man's jaw twitched as he took in the haggard sight of Lupin.

The Auror stood in the front doorway of the Tonks' home, effectively blocking both Sirius and Remus's way in. The younger man's gaze briefly flitted towards Sirius. Lupin couldn't be sure, but he swore that his bright sky-blue eyes softened slightly as he looked at the newly-pardoned former prisoner of Azkaban, but it was gone just as quickly as it had come.

"Sirius," Tonks's ex murmured in a low, rough voice that sounded like the embodiment of the grave that caused the fine hairs on the back of Lupin's neck to stand up. "It's good to see you, my friend. Norah's been talking about you, we were hoping you'd been released."

"Likewise," Sirius managed in an equally sounding voice that sounded strained as his gaze flitted towards Remus as his friend glowered at the Auror.

Ollie Brennan was taller than Remus by a good head or two, at best, and a bit broader in the chest. His face was pale, the two-day stubble along his strong, angular jawline suggested he'd not shaved in a night or two, as his closely cropped rough beard needed it.

The black-haired, blue-eyed Auror in his early thirties, husband to Norah and soon-to-be father of their baby in another seven months or so looked towards Lupin as if he were dirt on the bottom of his boot.

"So, _Professor_ _Lupin_ ," the handsome man sneered, putting emphasis on his former title in a way that made Remus's blood boil. "Back from the _woods_ , I take it?"

Lupin could hear the contempt and sarcasm oozing from the man's voice. Norah's husband was obviously aware of what had transpired between himself and Tonks. If Ollie were here, that meant Norah was here too and considering the witches were best friends, he should have known Tonks would have spilled the truth to Norah willingly. He visibly cringed.

Though hatred surged through his bloodstream hotter than any Fiendfyre could ever flame, Remus did not want tension and discourse to break out on Dora's parents' property, especially when he had come here with the intentions to apologize to Tonks. He was sure it would be a poor impression to start a brawl on their front porch as Ollie's hands rested on either side of the doorpost as he stepped over the threshold onto the porch, letting out a low warning growl from his throat.

"Yes, I am. I'm… _better_ ," Lupin snapped dryly, though the mad wolf within his mind was practically foaming at the mouth, wanting to sink its sharpened incisors in the column of the man's neck for what he'd done to Dora, the hurt he'd caused her in her past life.

Ollie's blue eyes darkened, looking more than a little annoyed at Lupin's appearance on the Tonks' doorstep. Less so at Sirius, but especially with Remus.

His brows creased together with deep lines and it took Brennan a moment to find his voice. "You should have stayed away. Nymphadora is better off _without_ you, Mr. Lupin. Now answer me honestly, what the hell are you doing here? I came to get my wife and take her home, so I have an excuse to be here, but you, you don't, mate," Ollie growled, hatred seething behind his fathomless, smoldering, burning blue eyes.

Sirius, sensing imminent danger as the man standing in front of them had gritted his teeth together and his body had started to shake, recognized all too well the signs of the Auror's temper starting to fail him.

Lupin's desperation got the better of his plans, and he revealed his intentions sooner than he'd expected. "I know I have no right to dream that Dora would see me, but I'm here to speak to Tonks," he said.

Padfoot stepped forward in the hopes of rectifying the situation. "Ollie, uh, why don't you and I head out to the back? We can talk there while Lupin—"

But Tonks's ex and Norah's now-husband did not give Sirius a chance to finish his sentence at all.

Ollie could hold his wrath no longer. "You are the _last_ person Tonks needs to see right now!" he bellowed, his slender fingers curling into a tight fist as he withdrew his wand from his trouser pocket. " _Leave_!"

The sound of his shout drew attention from the kitchens and thank Merlin for the appearance of Dora's father. Ted Tonks furrowed his brows in a frown and placed a rough, calloused hand on the younger man's shoulder, shooting the blue-eyed Auror a dark look.

"Slow your roll there, son," Ted chuckled, though the slight warning look he shot his daughter's ex indicated to Remus his dislike for the man, and he was only tolerating Brennan's presence in his home while he waited for Norah to join his side to take her back. "Lupin is a _guest_ in our home, son, and we'll treat him with the same respect as we would treat anyone."

Ollie seethed, gnashing his teeth together in annoyance and anger as his face drained of color, though before he could comment any further, the sound of his wife's hoarse, weak voice reached his eardrums.

"Ollie?" came Norah's soft tones, sounding worried."What are you doing, sweetheart? What's going on? I heard _shouting_ , are you alright?"

Lupin was pleased to see that Ollie's pallid face went almost bone white as he cringed and turned around to face his two-months-pregnant wife and flinched at the look of confusion coupled with anger at the scene her husband was causing on the front porch.

"I—I came to take you home, baby," Ollie murmured under his breath, a light pink blush speckling along his cheeks. "Sirius is here," he offered, swallowing hard as he stepped back slightly to reveal the dark-haired former prisoner of Azkaban. "Um, why don't we…go talk outside?" he muttered, his cheeks now rosy pink as Norah's curious gaze flitted from Ted Tonks to Ollie and then to Sirius as the blonde werewolf's mind worked quickly to put the pieces together.

She nodded, quickening her pace as best she could, though she didn't look much better than Remus. It wasn't until she reached her husband's side and Ollie rested an arm around her shoulders that Norah spoke directly to Lupin.

"She's outside, Mr. Lupin, in the backyard. Under the tree," she said stiffly.

Lupin nodded, and he froze as he caught a familiar sight of dark pink hair, almost maroon today, enter in through the back door of the Tonks' patio.

For a split second, Tonks did not see Lupin, which gave Remus an opportunity to lose himself in the young Auror's image. His blood rushed to his head at the memory of the few passionate nights they had shared. His tongue could still taste her sweet kiss, his heart pounded so damned audibly loud against his chest, he was surprised that Tonks couldn't hear it.

However, the moment Tonks locked eyes with Remus, she stiffened, a muscle in her jaw twitching. Her eyes fell on Remus, her face registering a look that could only be described as rage.

She reddened in anger, barely able to draw in a good breath through the stunned stupor that flooded her. It felt like all eyes, Ted, Andromeda, Norah, Ollie, and Sirius, were all watching Tonks to see how she'd react. She stiffened.

As it was with anyone in her life who tried to force her emotions to the surface and get her to talk about them, she refused to give them satisfaction.

"Please, Dora," Lupin begged, taking a cautious half step into the front doorway of the Tonks' cottage, raising his voice as he called after Tonks. "I'd like to speak with you." Remus could feel his fleeting moment of hope slip through his fingers like the very wind itself.

She regarded Remus with no small look of contempt and anger before turning her back on Lupin in a huff and walking away from him and the rest of her family, slamming the back door that led out to her parents' backyard so forcefully the door rattled in its hinges. Remus flinched, so did Norah, as their wolfish heightened sense of hearing picked up on the noise.

"You've got a pretty deadly Auror and witch angry with you, my friend," Ollie snapped, making no effort to conceal the contempt that he held for Lupin.

" _We're not_ _friends_ ," hissed Lupin, leering at the younger Auror, noticing how Tonks's best friend Norah was looking gravely uncomfortable and tugging on the man's sleeves of his robes to pull him outside with Sirius. He only moved his gaze long enough for Dora's path, following her backside as she headed outside, to glower at Auror Oliver James Brennan in silent fury.

"Maybe _not_ ," snarled Ollie, ignoring Norah's tugging on his sleeves. "But take a piece of friendly advice from a man whose had a few women mad at him in times past," he offered darkly and unsolicited. "Never underestimate the fury of a witch," he warned, blue eyes flashing and darkening, almost cerulean in color now.

His piece said, he finally swiveled his head back around to regard Norah, his previously icy expression softened, almost melting as he regarded his wife, leaning forward and pressing a gentle kiss on her cheek.

"C'mon, Nor," he grumbled, shooting Remus a withering look as he effortlessly slipped his hand into Norah's and allowed Norah and Sirius to lead him outside. "Let's…go talk with Sirius on the porch. Give the man a minute," he sighed, sounding rather angered.

Lupin barely heard or watched Sirius lead the married couple towards the front porch swing, or Ted and Andromeda following suit while Remus made a beeline for the backyard and found Tonks in almost precisely the exact same spot where he'd left her.

Under the tree. The shattered pieces of Lupin's heart turned to ashes as Tonks, sensing his nearness, glanced up and glowered over her shoulder at Remus.

He could see the hurt and resolution in her pale grey irises now shimmering with unshed tears. Because of _him_. _He_ had done this. He'd created this awful chasm.

"I-it's good to see you, Dora," Remus stammered awkwardly, carding his fingers through his hair, cringing the moment the words left his lips. "I…I need to speak with you." Tonks attempted to swerve around him as he moved to stand in front of her, though Lupin countered her departure and shot out his arm and wound his fingers around her forearm, preventing her escape.

She was not going to get away from him. Not now, and hopefully not ever again, but first he had to make her see.

" _Please_. I need to talk to you, Tonks. About us," he pleaded, hearing the crack in his voice.

Tonks blinked owlishly at him, unaware that Sirius had managed to sneak away from the Tonks' front porch and was standing alongside Norah at the top of the hill, on the back porch of her parents' cottage, the two friends silently watching the scene unfold.

" _Us_?" Tonks demanded angrily. Lupin stood stock-still and silent, hoping she'd at least hear him out.

Tonks paused, taking a moment to inhale a deep, slow breath, silent for a moment, her face never changing from her expression of disbelief and disdain.

"There _is_ no ' _us_ ,' Remus," she hissed at him. "You made your choice when you left me under this tree a few nights ago. What more could you say to me?"

Lupin felt her heart break upon hearing the cold, clipped tones of her voice. He needed her to know that he was sorry. But if only Tonks would let him speak.

"Dora, no, that's not what I…" he hesitated, stricken by her assumption that he had cold-heartedly dumped her a few nights ago when that had so clearly _not_ been the case. He almost saw Tonks swallow down past the lump in her throat as she curtly held up a hand and refused to let Lupin even utter another syllable.

" _Don't_ ," she snapped angrily, her face paling in anger and shock. "Don't start to apologize, Remus. You came back. I should hate you, Remus, for what you've done," she said flatly, her eyes never breaking contact away from the window. Her tone conveyed nothing of whatever emotion Tonks was feeling.

"Y—you should," Remus murmured in agreement, lowering his eyes. His heart felt like it was shattering in two, a worse injury than any broken or missing bone that his transformations could have caused. Lupin knew Tonks was right. What else should have he expected? He had no right to hope for anything from Tonks, not after what he had done to her, then.

He stood gravely underneath the shade of the elm tree, rooted to his spot and unable to speak. Tonks furrowed her brows into a frown, pausing for a moment to consider her words, and then forced herself to continue.

"I _should_ , Remus." Here, she breathed out an almost defeated sounding sigh, her eyelids closing for a moment in a split second of tiredness. "But…you're my boyfriend, and I can't bring myself to hate you, though every fiber of my being says I should. Norah told me I shouldn't," she admitted in a begrudging sort of tone.

Lupin froze, feeling a muscle in his jaw twitch as he raised a brow and looked at his girlfriend curiously, hardly daring to believe his ears. Surely, it was entirely too much and too selfish a thought to hope that Dora would accept him, and hear him out, and yet, he did it.

Tonks swallowed down thickly past the lump in her throat as it hollowed and constricted, exhaling a shuddering breath in an effort to quell back the tears forming behind her pale grey irises.

"I needed you to _trust_ me the other night, Remus, and you couldn't bring yourself to do it," she mumbled, at last, her grey eyes never once wavering from his, unshed glistening moisture brimming in her eyes as she fought back the almost desperate need to cry for him.

She was not looking at Remus with alertness or guardedness as he had initially expected she would, but rather, a sincereness. Dora's expression was sadder than anything else, and Lupin did not think he could bear to see it on his love's face a moment longer.

For Remus, who had, by this point in his relationship with Tonks had thought he had seen all there was to see in the young woman who'd stolen his heart before he knew it was gone, he was finding himself in the new, unfounded territory and at a loss.

"Well, I—I'm here now, sweetheart," he muttered, a fiery heat creeping to his cheeks as he tried to sound as reassuring as possible, though even he could hear the strain in his soft voice. "Didn't I tell you that I would come back? Pettigrew's dead, Tonks."

She nodded, though he swore a flash of anger darted across her peaky-looking features, though just as quickly as it had come, it was gone, replaced yet again by a perfect mask of indifference. Barely able to speak, Tonks forged ahead, afraid that if she didn't say what was on her mind, she would be unable to say them at all.

"I—I should have been there for you, Dora, I—I'm sorry," he moaned, surprised that he could even find the words as silent tears rolled down his cheeks, and he was surprised to find himself crying. He hadn't planned on crying in front of Tonks when he'd come to confess how sorry he was and how much he loved Dora, but nor could he stop it, either.

Perhaps if she saw how much this was affecting him, there was an inkling of hope she would forgive him.

Tonks sniffed, reaching up a finger to flick away the last of her tears with a well-practiced flick of her index finger, ducking her head so Remus wouldn't see how much he was getting to her now.

"You made your choice, Rem. You—you didn't choose _me_. Your girlfriend," Tonks replied coldly, glancing down at her shaking hands. "And then you were _gone_ , Remus."

"Is that _really_ what you think, sweetheart?" Lupin asked, squeezing his eyes tightly shut in regret. Merlin, but she must hate him. "There was no choice to make, love. I had no other choice." His tone became frantic and urgent in trying to make her see it.

"I see," Tonks murmured as she lowered her lashes, misunderstanding her boyfriend's meaning. Had he—had he never intended to stay with her, then, even after they had...?

Was the love she had thought the two of them shared just a dream?

"Are your words supposed to make me feel better, Remus?" she questioned, to which she received only silence as a response. She sighed, reaching up a hand and tucked a lock of her pink hair back off of her forehead, swiping her bangs across her eyes. "Why did you come here?" Tonks asked him in a flat and expressionless tone.

"Because I _love_ you. I always have. I—I don't want to…to run away anymore. I want to be there for you by your side, not just as your partner. As your boyfriend."

"You _love_ me?" she shot back vehemently. "You **LEFT** me, Remus!" The hurt in her voice was almost too much for Lupin to bear, and with her raised voice, at this rate, Sirius and Norah were going to hear every bloody word.

As Remus lifted his chin to meet Dora's gaze, her eyes were red and watery and glossy, a mixture of fury, hurt, betrayal, and joy on her face, with each emotion battling for control in her pale grey irises.

Lupin felt his breath hitch and catch in his throat at the sight. "I—I'm so _sorry_ ," he choked out, feeling his body give in a shudder as he took in the sight of the pink-haired young Auror, who was staring at him in an incredulous way as though Remus had sprouted antlers. "I—I thought that…I didn't think about what it would do to you, love."

"You never do, Remus," Dora sighed, though her voice was lacking the biting cold curtness that had been there a moment ago. "You always overthink things." She sounded tired. Defeated, as though she couldn't be bothered to argue with him anymore. "Merlin, Remus, Jesus Christ, you never really think these things through properly, do you? You never do."

Tonks forced out a weak little chuckle that didn't meet her eyes. Lupin hesitated, sensing she was still waiting for an explanation. He did not want to burden her, but...

Seeing her now desperately searching his eyes for answers, he knew he had to tell the truth.

"I made my choice," he shot back, trying to control the warbling note in his voice, hoping he wouldn't start crying again. "I chose _you_. Dora. I chose that Peter wouldn't hurt you, and guess what? I'd do it again if it meant keeping you safe and out of harm's way, love. I…I'm still afraid of not…not being good enough for you, Dora, but I'm not going to run away anymore, I promise. We're together now, and everything's going to be fine. You'll see. I promise." Before the words left his mouth, Remus hoped he wasn't asking for too much. "If you will…if you will have me. Can I…can I come back to you, Dora?" he begged her.

"You…you've always been good enough, Remus. Always." Tonks took a deep breath and looked up at Lupin with softened eyes as her lips parted slightly. "You…protected me." She was able to acknowledge it, now that she had learned the truth of why he had left, amazed at the depths of his selflessness. "You love me, Remus?" she asked, already sure of his answer.

"With all that I am, though I may not be much at all," he said. Tonks looked taken aback. "Don't speak about yourself like that, Lupin. Do you truly hold such a low opinion of yourself, sweetheart? Even…even now?" she whispered, her voice coming out as a hoarse croak. "You're more than any man I've ever known, including my dad, and in my mind, that's something to be proud of. I love you, and that should be enough for you," she finally admitted. "And…" Tonks paused, unsure of how to continue, biting down on her bottom lip in a slight pout. "I—I don't forgive you. You broke my heart, Remus," she gasped out in a choked, pained voice. "If you _leave_ , I swear to Merlin Himself I'll drag you back home myself kicking and screaming if I have to, and if you're _dead_ , I'll revive you, just so I can kill you again myself," she growled angrily.

Then her eyes softened even more, and before Lupin could protest, she allowed her lips to brush against his in a gentle kiss, brief but loving, before she broke it off first and pulled back to study his face, a soft, sadden little smile on her lips.

"It—it isn't okay yet," Dora told him, and that, he supposed was good enough. It was much more than he had expected, and Lupin let out a hiss as she cupped his jaw with one hand, her fingers brushing along the stubble of his jawline, still prickly from not shaving his beard. "Just because…just because it's not okay right now, doesn't mean it never will be again. I think I…that I _could_ forgive you, in time. I would…like to try."

She hesitated, still biting her lip, a nervous habit of hers whenever she was apprehensive about something. Lupin swallowed thickly, feeling like there was a gag on his mouth.

He could only nod, at a loss and not sure what to say to her. He was pulled from his thoughts as Dora further pressed her forehead against his and her lips met his in a gentle embrace. Their kiss was passionate, sweet, and pure as they basked in each other's presence. They broke apart after a moment. Tonks allowed her eyes to glide over Lupin, taking in every inch of his pale, scarred face. She'd missed him so much. Her hand cupped his jaw.

She savored his light brown eyes, flecked with just a twinge remaining of gold in his irises, leftover from the wolf's transformation within him this month.

Lupin's gaze was unabashed and unwavering, still looking boldly into hers. Tonks savored his neat eyebrows and sharp nose, angular facial features. Her grey eyes lingered on Remus's mouth. His hands slowly snaked their way up her arms. Tonks hadn't even realized she'd been leaning into Lupin slowly and his breath ghosted across her face, warming her lips.

"Is this," Lupin asked in a hoarse voice, though he was smiling at her, "going to be a habit of yours?"

Tonks merely stared at Remus, challenging him. "Do you not like it?" she asked boldly, hoping he did like it because Tonks had no intentions of stopping it.

His light brown eyes gleamed, his scarred lips turning up at the corner, just a little bit, almost barely noticeable, but Tonks noticed everything Remus did.

"No." No sooner than the word escaped his lips did Tonks find herself locked in another embrace as his lips met hers with fervor, kissing her and not pulling apart until they needed to break away for fresh oxygen.

Panting and gasping for breath, Tonks's eyes narrowed as she looked at the familiar-looking dark-haired man seated on the topmost step of her back porch alongside Norah, his cheeks resting in his hands and looking thoroughly amused about something. _Them_.

Tonks felt a light blush speckle along her cheeks as she turned to look towards Lupin, who smirked a little at her nonplussed expression and was holding his hand outstretched for Tonks to take.

"Is that…?" Tonks breathed breathlessly, suddenly feeling uncertain as she wrung her hands together. She looked towards Remus for confirmation.

"It is," Lupin grinned as Tonks, without hesitation, slid her hand into his and allowed Remus to lead her away from the shade of the elm tree and towards her parents' back porch of their patio. "I brought someone with me, Tonks. Someone who'd like to say hello. Come and meet your cousin, Tonks."

Tonks nodded as Lupin took her hand, the warmth of the werewolf's skin penetrated her flesh, her heart doing a happy little flutter as they slowly drew closer to where Norah and the escaped prisoner waited.

As they drew closely towards Sirius and Norah, Tonks was relieved to see that her cousin was looking… _happy_. To see her and Lupin holding hands, she realized, her eyes widening in shock. As her mind mulled over this, Tonks allowed herself a little glance at Remus John Lupin out of the corner of her eyes.

Before Remus came into her life, Tonks had only ever loved two men, and they were so very different from one another. Remus was some holy blend of both as if the universe made a man that if she ever met them, she would know for sure they were unique in all the world.

So, she was happy to have met her partner, but she was surprised as she looked at Remus, how when Tonks gazed at Lupin, it's as if space and time became the finest point imaginable as if time collapses into one tiny speck and explodes at light speed.

It felt as if her universe began and ended with Remus. She could run forever, search forever, but in the end, every path leads right back to Lupin's heart and soul. She loved him.

Always. And that, Tonks knew, was good enough for her.

Then in that instant of Tonks watching Remus, he turned and caught her eye; before she could turn away with shyness a genuine grin spread across his face, turning it from handsome into divine.

At that moment she felt her body flush warm. This was a person she wanted to know more than she'd ever felt before. This was a guy she knew she could love forever.

And so she did.


End file.
